The Headgum Podcast - 209: Oops All Questions

Episode Date: June 21, 2024

Amir, Anya, and Allie join Geoff to discuss sports fandom, pears, and swinging.Advertise on The Headgum Podcast via Gumball.fmRate The Headgum Podcast 5-stars on Apple PodcastsRate The Headgum Podcast 5-stars on SpotifyJoin the Headgum DiscordSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a head gum original. Previously on the Head Gum Podcast. So the All Nighters should be a bunch of Head Gum Podcasts dropping out. We should do that as a separate thing that's not live streamed and it should just be an episode every hour in the studio. And it's not live streamed? Why would it be live streamed? Well then what's the point? Why would we be booking all these shows back to back?

Okay, then it's livestreamed. Well then it's just, I guess, a private thing. It's supposed to be delirious episode records. Episodes, and then we could also throw in like two or three sketches that we have to write and film the sketches in the same night. And it would be like a... You remember That's So Sweet Life of Zack and Cody Raven? Of course.

Of course, yeah. Yeah, basically. Yeah. Nothing like a Disney Channel crossover. Yeah. How long have we been recording? We have about a half an hour to go. Oh! Right into it.

Headphones. Why? Do we need them? We always wear them. Just the headphones, yeah. If you wouldn't mind with the headphones, I appreciate it. Applause Bangs, bangs, into the room Haircut

Haircut Haircut Ally, curtain bangs Thank you Well Yeah Well what? I know, I was just saying, I said thank you and then I realized it's like an acknowledgement,

not a compliment Yeah, you didn't say nice curtain bangs I said bangs, bangs, into the room, I did a whole song Oh How is that not a compliment. You didn't say nice curtain bangs. I said bangs bangs into the room. I did a whole song. How is that not a compliment? Oh, or you got it on the first go around. I was so excited about whatever segment you thought of, but there's no segment. The segment is let's talk about Ally's hair.

I was hoping it was a rice parody. A what? Into their rock! Burn burn inside a wok! See? Wow, that's why he writes the song. Yeah, burn burn inside a walk What song is that it's called bang bang by who Jesse J. Yeah, and the housers Jesse J. And the housers I think that a full glass of milk This is malt malt. Oh, no

Malto meal malt. Oh meal. Yeah, basically, it's an afternoon dairy Alli what made the cosmic shift to, you know, it's like sort of vaudevillian in a way that bangs. One quick question. Sorry, just one second, because basically like they reveal themselves like the stage does as well to have, so I'm wondering why the hair shift and the personality shift to match slash boot. I thought that maybe it would be fun to have a haircut that felt like a haircut versus something that's just there. I was ready to make a statement. That was an accident. Is everything recording?

Everything is recording. We've got the video going. We've got the audio going. Cool. Cause I just, we, we did one episode with Amelia that was quite visual. Oh yeah. And then we realized at the end, there was no video.

And I'm like, if we're gonna be talking about the haircut the whole time, then there's no video. And if Anya had asked you during that episode is everything recording, would you have said yes? Anya Ad Astra? I think. You think he would have said yes, it was recorded like the problem. I can see that it is this time Yeah, it's obviously hard because I try to like have genuine connections and conversation with Ali about the

shift in hair and personality the gravitational pull that's now suddenly circling your ass Has anyone nicknamed you Haircut yet? You. Really? Yeah. Interesting. For the record, her personality's exactly the same. It's great and it doesn't need updating.

When did you get a haircut, by the way? I didn't say it needed updating. I didn't say the hair needed updating, but she chose. Oh, so it's new. Imagine if she cleared it with you first. I had a friend go into a hairstylist's place of work and ask for bangs. The hairstylist said, you're not ready.

Oh. Do you feel different since the bangs? I've had them before. It feels weird having them back. I keep getting surprised by myself when I look in the mirror. I forget that I made a change, but I'm happy with it. I'm having fun. Is I look in the mirror. I forget that I made a change, but I'm happy with it. I'm having fun.

Is there anything more vulnerable than getting bangs and then immediately going on a video podcast and then having that be the subject of the podcast? Like, that's so unfair. That's wonderful, because I kind of forgot that I was doing this, so I didn't, like, do my hair. The first thing I noticed when I walked in, this was not going to be part of the episode.

Really? Yeah, haircut. I also got a haircut. I kind of ended my hair up, but it's. It was the first thing I noticed when I walked in, this was not gonna be part of the episode. Really? Yeah, haircut. Yeah, haircut. I also got a haircut. I kind of ended my hair up, but it's kind of like a shaggy moment. I actually kind of, we kind of have the same, I kind of have your haircut now. I love your hair.

I just mean like, I would die if I got bangs for the first time and then went on a podcast where the host made that the subject. Cause it's hard, we were talking about this, it's like the hard, when you walk in to work after getting a haircut You want like one to two people say that it looks good and notice but like if you know I'm like a seismic shift if everybody knows I had a mustache and that everyone's talking about the mustache And then I wanted the but is that not why anyone makes a change ever?

If you if you shaved your beard into a mustache you would part of the reason for doing that is for people to be like Whoa mustache. Yeah. Well, that's also a big reason why I don't do people will mustache you a lot no because I always have the most I think it's a staple now yeah it'd be weirder if you did it exactly right what if the first time you got a mustache you went on a podcast and that's all they don't sure that is what happened well how long have you had the mustache I don't know why this is turning into a cross-example do you feel like you feel like you... I just want to make really a rally about her hair. Do you ever feel like you need to get rid of it? Do you try to get rid of it and then it's like you're unrecognizable?

I just shave it once for commercial. And how'd that go? I looked like five years younger. So you're trying to look older with your mustache? I just like how it looks. I don't care what it looks. And you look five years older? I don't mind that either. Is it part of the long hair? It's like a long hair mustache duo?

Or do you think you can get in Can you do one without the other I can do the mustache with shorter hair? I don't think it helps you book hair No, I don't know. I think the long hair does it does why I don't know That's why did you say that because it's more unique There's only there's not that many men with long hair So I think how many parts are like I need someone to be unique Yeah, not a lot, but like the ones that do you then he's all in a big smaller pool So you don't need as much talent?

Have your agent told you that they were like we like the look don't change your hair What about the mustache that they didn't comment on specifically, but they said and do you think don't don't you think that says a lot? I think it's part of the look I think when I say that I'm not commenting on saying something about your hair, but not commenting on the They said we like the look don't change the hair because I wasn't asking you just said there You said they didn't say anything about the hair, but then they did say the hair. I asked about your look I asked I said do you think I should cut my hair post-pandemic? I wasn't sure if I was gonna keep there I said should I cut the hair to you know be more available for other kind of kind of roles and they were like no

We like the look don't change a thing don't change a thing so you're changing your story. It's two years ago. I didn't remember exactly Earlier you said they said don't change the hair CBS showcase came out they were like don't change anything from that and in that I had this look so Have you changed anything at all? Only there's been seismic shifts in my personality, but not in my appearance sort of the anti-alley Do you think about that every time you like cuz Ali got bangs it doesn't affect her day-to-day life almost at all Game and I immediately made it my entire personality. I could see that right I hear that did you see the mariachi band at the Mets game?

Did you see that grimace throughout the first pitch and since then they've been six and oh? You know that that's my team Did you see the Mariachi band at the Mets game? Did you see that grimace throughout the first pitch and since then they've been 6-0? You know that that's my team. As of a couple months ago. What do you mean as of a couple months ago? Yeah, my Mets. I call them. My Mets. Our Mets. I've always said that. Did you see that the Mariachi band played higher by Creed last night at the game? This is why you gotta be a Mets fan. They do weird ass shit.

I know. I love it. And I love their big little bobblehead mascots. My grandfather was a Yan you got to be a Mets fan. They do weird ass shit. I know. I love it. And I love their big little bobblehead mascots. My grandfather was a Yankees fan and a Mets fan. I thought at first he was just a Yankees fan, but then my aunt told me when I was home in Ohio in June that he liked both because he just loved baseball so much. Interesting. Ultimately, I didn't really want to be a Yankees fan, but I was like, my grandfather rooted for the Yankees.

I should root for the Yankees. And then I found out. You do a lot of New York appropriation for someone who does not live there and is not from there. My whole family's from there since one For you just said your whole family, but then just on his mother's side. Yeah, so not your whole family So again, he's changing a story not including you this whole time. You've been lying to us about various things So I miss throughout that first pitch six and oh since then it's pretty my 10x great-grandparents

Got married in a Dutch church in flat 10x. Is that like great great great all the ladies? Jesus really yeah pilgrims Wait, really is that why you look like that? That's my question my next question. What do you mean? You have like a buckle head attitude and shoe because of the hats that I often buy and You are Is that part of your seismic change look I think sometimes when you Come into the office with any kind of me no one goes in the office with any kind of change interference

The last thing you want is to be like lambasted on a podcast immediately or even have any comments about it So let's just so here's the question. I had with the bigs I did a quick question When you make so well like I said when Ali changes her bangs Affects almost no part of her life except for this right now, and that's good But every time you think about changing something deep do you have to have a whole like okay? But my career how this gonna fact my good book more book less Did you ask your agents if you could become a Mets fan exactly hard because? Everything is about branding.

And for me, I was wanting to brand myself with Mr. Man on my ass. Do you feel like you're doing a good job? What's that? Do you feel like you're doing a good job with that? I obviously wish that my resume... Your grandfather was still alive. But instead, I start crying blood. You kind of made the New York Rangers your whole personality,

like, three to four weeks ago. Yeah, no, no, no. Hockey season is over, now it's baseball season. So, no, I'm all about the Mets. I guess that makes sense. Is that how people do it sports? No, usually you sort of stick to where you're from The Guardians, right is there a Cleveland team? You're hard. Yeah, you're a Cavs fan huge Cavs fan But I didn't really Columbus blue jackets, I guess should be your hockey team. No, that's not Cleveland That'd be like you rooting for the Padres Huh, it's easy well, it wouldn't be a Cleveland had its own hockey team I probably would root for the Cleveland hockey team if there was a Cleveland hockey team. What about football? What rounds?

No, no, no, their quarterback is like a serial Cleveland Cavs a or basketball It's hard, you know because you get to pick and choose It's like which team is fun to root for is a fun to root for the Jets Not really is a fun route for them. That's yeah, of course because of their little hot horny mascots And I don't really like football football's boring to have the baseball's exciting football You can see how football wouldn't like he's got a brand going football doesn't fit into the brand baseballs Like you go there you have a brat you have a beer. Sorry. I wasn't even close to them

Basically, it's nice you go there you hang out. You know you get the whole row you can get the tickets for cheap And that's like Mets are like the underdog like that appeals to Jeff I feel like I've been grandfathered into Holly weird if that's fair to say I feel like my resume doesn't quite speak for itself But I feel like the look has a grand father Was a yes, and so I've been Long Island in I've been Amityville into the Hollywood I'm obviously trying to figure out like what my in is. I don't know if it's a look For a few months where? Williamsburg and Greenpoint he lived at first and first I'm you only that's a nice inverse. It's true first I Try to know that until last week

Right there who told you that by the way that was part of you mentioned it in the Jake and Amir watch Jake and Amir ones I just committed that to memory because what if he was kidding I don't think he was because it was the fired episode Yeah, and he wouldn't shot there or something Hmm, and I know that intersection because it's right. I'm going to New York next week Are you gonna go to Lucien? Are you gonna go to this obscure wine bar? None of this is what I wanted to talk about I want to hound and then I'm going to Alaska Juno or Weird routing yeah, it's like a last

Wedding that I'm not allowed to call a wedding. It's like a party. Wait, didn't Emma just do this? Yeah, but hers was in Maine. But actually the people who were getting married are from Maine, which is crazy. But it was like Maine and also like across the country. I don't know about the second leg,

but I think there was something. I think you might be conflating like things Emma told you and things I told you because we're the same to you. Yeah, that does sound familiar. We have a lot to get to, and we've barely broken through. Oh, yeah, let's play fucking Muffin or Trevor Ruffin or something,

where we try to decide whether this is a picture of a muffin or a guy named Trevor. Who's your biggest zero? What? Who's your biggest zero? Anya That's not bad. I thought you were setting up a lot. No, it's like who's your biggest hero? But you know anti in a way probably skinny Hercules because he wasn't quite there. That's really good. Thank you. Yeah Anya zero

Who's my biggest zero, meaning person I dislike? Just like hero of yours that's sorta nothin'. Casey. And the Sunshine Band or Donahue? Of the Donahue. He's gonna be right here in a second. There he is. Amir? Jason Tatum, probably. Why?

Well, he plays for my least favorite team. Correct. But then he's also like a Kobe fan, So it's like, oh, that's kind of nice then also you where's number zero? Wow, he's really good. But like I'd like to clarify something. Yeah, Casey is my hero. Okay He only is your sort of nothing like he's not that famous That's that he's not at all famous. He's a little thing. He's on this show a lot. That's not fame. If that was fame I would probably have kind of an Amityville angle into Hollyweird to have. My resume would speak for itself.

Have you guys ever been recognized on the street for this show? Only when I'm at work things. Like headgum events. Yeah. I've been working the door for headgum happy hour and had people come up to me and say you're that girl who has a cat Yes, exactly and I am chicken. Have you ever been recognized for this at?

A head gum show but not like out in the street bar. No, which kind of proves Jeff's point So have you been recognized? Yeah, what do they say? Is it awesome? Usually they threaten me with a gun. No. Oh my God. Oh. That's all. Anya's like, well, let's just hear the moment. Let's hear this burglar out.

Yeah, he thinks he's getting recognized. He's getting held up. Just being mugged. Don't you just want a selfie, bro? Why do you want my wallet? This is so not be joy of you. Don't you just want a selfie, bro? Why do you want my wallet? This is so not be joy of you. If you could die in hospice,

which US care facility would you choose? Um, like a, you're talking like a brand name of a care facility? Sorry, I think Ali's was there. Why was it Ali? Well, if you're in hospice you're gonna die soon so nobody's... So it's not my problem? My answer is the nicest one. There's a real Tuesday energy to today's episode. I can tell you guys had a really full day and I keep not being able to sleep. Really?

In a way, yeah. You're having insomnia? Not insomnia, I just can't get tired before like 3am. Which is different from insomnia for some reason. What's your biggest fear? Usually these are like unique. Follow up? Yeah. For some reason what's your biggest fear? Usually these are like follow-up yeah biggest pair Fruit the fruit Clements you did send me

six pairs in the mail I don't think you should bring it up because then that's exactly what he wants. I like it when he spends a lot of money on a gag and no one talks about it on the show and then it's just totally embarrassing. Well, usually that leaves me a gag and a goss. A jar? A jar. How were they? The pears were good and it made me realize.

Juicy. What? Succulent, juicy. Yeah. There were like six pears in a box from Harry and David Henry and David What is Harry and David Harry and David? I see because what 40 50 dollars to send me six pairs 42 Yeah, the equivalent of like spending a dollar 35 Yeah, well these days just a salad

The pairs were good and I realized like there's probably a lot of fruit that I don't buy just because I don't think about it but like if I did buy pears and put them in the fridge, they're a Nice healthy snack to have and I never consider ever buying pears. Wow, that's crazy So that's nice that you did that because he's never considered buying pears before it's not supposed to be mean I'm more of an apple banana guy. I wrote you a letter They're right next when you're at the store, they're right there, right next to the apples, in fact. But there's something about getting them in a fancy box

that feels like such a treat. One of them was wrapped in gold foil. Yeah, one of them was. Only one? Was that one special? No, it tasted just like others. That one was poisoned. So there's like a poisoned apple

and then there's a poisoned pear. So there was like a glob in there. You can feel free to cut this out, but he already made that joke on Slack. Really? Verbatim. Me? Yes.

That's actually pretty good. I can't hold up. Was it me or Angie? Definitely not Angie. Yeah, Angie made the poison joke. She barely knows what this is. What would we all change about Amir if we could? And obviously you gotta take people as they are

You don't want to like have be conditionally loving people, but I think for me it would have to be Sometimes you're a little too even keel. They'd love to see you get a little angrier and a little sadder and happier You're never that happy like Today he made Katie share, pour some of her smoothie bowl out for him because he didn't make it here in time to have lunch with us.

Well I didn't make her. In a way, I felt like the pressure was really high for her to share it with you. It was crazy. The pressure was equally on for everybody but Katie said that she couldn't possibly eat such a large acai bowl. Which is an insane thing.

Obviously she can, it's just fruit. Have you ever seen a grown man eat a little bit of an acai bowl out of a Dixie cup? Yeah, like it was a crazy thing. It was styrofoam poppy cup. You ate it the way people take aspirin at the doctor. Yeah, it was like a little doctor sippy cup thing. It was, it was funny.

I guess I would change, I would go back in time and let Katie finish her own acai bowl. That was my first one, my first ever acai bowl. I love an acai. Do you ever have an acai? We got it from backyard which is like your go-to. Well I've started making my own at home. They're not quite acai because I don't really get the acai fruit. Because he lives too far away from any smoothie bowl place now. Can I give my smoothie recipe? It's actually kind of huge. Are you guys ready? You guys ready for this shit? Orange juice. Disgusting. Already too much sugar. Siggy's. Cigars.

Cigarettes. Cigars. Loose leaf tobacco. The yogurt? Yeah, the yogurt. Greek yogurt. Plain? Sorry. Full of fat? Is it our smoothie recipe or is it mine? She's asking you.

Orange juice. You already said that. I'm starting over because people, they can clip this out. So far you just made an orange Julius. An orange Siggy's. Orange juice. Greek yogurt. Yeah. Sorry. orange juice orange ciggy's orange juice greek yogurt sorry

that's already baked in we know that we're with you greek yogurt ciggy's orange juice ciggy's i don't want to keep having to start over you don't have to orange juice Siggy's got it next third. What's third orange juice?

More orange juice. That's so much sugar now. We're getting it all twisted It's just we need silence in the room for the reverence you say all of her twist. That's it Orange juice Greek The whole office cracks up. Orange juice, Greek yogurt, collagen peptides, frozen banana, frozen blueberries, psyllium husk powder. That's everything you need. And cigarettes? And a bunch of tobacco, yeah.

Yeah, loose leaf. Do you freeze your own bananas or you buy bananas in a bag frozen? You can do either. Yeah. I have a question. Why? Why what it were the college and peptides for tell us protein There's like 50 why why collagen peptides? flavor And collagen is good for you. How can I keep a for again this goes back to your parents? I think like a year forever. I think you have to slice it. You can't just put a full banana in there

Oh, yeah, cuz then really if you make that mistake and you try to put it in work You got a pre cut it and then freeze like a little bit. I don't know that much about fruit Yeah, what makes you guys laugh the world should get the fruit baskets to learn more cuz he just learned about pears had no idea Those existed what make you get what makes you something next what makes you guys laugh the worst? Laugh the worst? Yeah, what makes you laugh the worst? Not at all. No, just like the worst that makes you laugh. Like the opposite of the most, or the most,

but also in a weird fashion? The worst thing that's made me laugh? Well, the worst isn't the opposite of most. You kind of have to like... It's the opposite of best. Yeah, so instead of what makes you laugh the best, which might be like old Don Rickles clips, what makes you laugh the worst?

It is funny to think about this show making people laugh the worst, because you do laugh, but it's like despite yourself. It's a challenge not to, yeah. I guess like when you get the giggles in a very serious place. I was going to say, yeah. My family is really good at that. Yeah, I was trying not to laughter in your vows, we should say.

Were they funny? They were apoetic. They were what? Apoetic, they were without poetry. They didn't rhyme. They didn't have to. Yeah, what? Apoetic, they were without poetry. They didn't rhyme. They didn't have to. Yeah. It was prose.

It was prose. It was a speech. I was like in my head trying to like edit it to make it rhyme and it was still hard because like nothing rhymes with love. Well. No, some things do, but nothing rhymes with orange. If you could choose to make any day about you,

why would that day be Juneteenth, asshole? I already said my piece on this just moments ago. Well, you were saying we should have scheduled the Jeopardy livestream for Juneteenth. I don't think so, but I did say that we all should be working. Should or should not? Should. We should be. Okay. Whites. Why do I get the day off?

You, I don't know, you're from, you're like a Pilgrim. Only half? You should be working more, most of all. Maybe just half day. Why do I get the you I don't know you're from you're like a pilgrim. Oh, yeah, you you did You should be working more most of all What's your biggest complaint about fear One of these weird job interviews what's the one you asked earlier? What's your biggest fear? Yeah, I said, what's your biggest fear yeah I said what's your biggest fear slash pair oh my throwing up growing up or throwing up throwing up throwing up yeah hurling correct

retching yep all of it very very scary why is that because you have a very delicately balanced gut flora slash fauna how's your microbiome it not good, but that's not why I'm like very scared of doing it I've started on kefir have we talked about this. That's why I've stopped. Why aren't you putting that in the smoothie ball? It's too much dairy. No take out the siggy's the siggy's is not mandatory Why do people like kefir so much? It's like fermented foods which are supposedly good for you, right? They're supposed to kind of help you with your gut my microbiome or whatever my own There's so much we don't know about that. I Can't hurt there was a moment last week during the

When we were setting up for the live stream where I said, how come every time I eat My stomach hurts immediately and Jeff like I've never seen him. Like he looked so serious. Like he's never sincere about anything. And he looked at me and said, it's your gut microbiome. And he's like, and you have to start probiotics now. And I did. And feeling much better. Really? Pills. I can't do dairy. What about fucking kraut? Yeah, sour otherwise. We could just go to my friends work at a sauerkraut factory like some of my closest friends that makes it seem like they're like Shoveling cabbage into like a mill. Did you do that thing? You should have a tube and send it that's what they do. Yeah, but I think How do you get some jars? I sent it to?

So that is my address cut that out obviously I thought it was Quest Yeah, you sent me pairs I messed it up because I have this like document that's like a quest to burn your place to the ground Kevin style Did you see the documentary about the gut and how

like some people do fecal transplants? Yeah, I've considered that Yeah, I guess it's like a quick way to change your microorganisms in your stomach is to literally take other people's shit. Yeah. And consume them. I wouldn't mind Micah's shit. He's kind of jack. He's very healthy.

I was going to say. Does he eat really healthy? I'm trying to eat healthy. Yeah. I'm trying to like not have fries. Fries are the best. Life's short. I think he can have fries. What did you have for breakfast? What time of day? I had the smoothie. That's what I have for breakfast every day. What did you have for breakfast? What time of day? I had the smoothie. That's what I have for breakfast every day.

What else? I haven't eaten yet. Other than that. Your food habits are... I had that for lunch at noon. It's four. I know, but there are times where you're like, I haven't eaten all day. I had a red square.

That's because sometimes when I'm outlining this shit on days that we record, I go crazy. But like, what? Because we don't see the end result of that effort What do you basically you should eat not plan because it doesn't come off as planned at all See my like what you spent all day stressing about these questions and more there's actually more and I was off so you know Yeah Yeah, what was that? I was all show thinking about how he's hair. He's being his grandfather now. What time of day is the earliest you should sing?

It seems like there's not a limit to how early, but maybe 5.45am. And have you ever had a nickname like wow? Like whoa. That's funny.m. And have you ever had a nickname like wow like whoa Commercial like wow commercial commercial for sure And we're back What celebrity ma would you most like to have? I was so sure you were gonna go into another segment. It's all just questions There's more. More questions? What is to have?

Have in half. Oh Do you think the New York Jets would have been named something different if they'd been part of a 2002 NFL expansion? Would have been named something in the way they would have done the New York Jets right? Oh because of 9-eleven because what? 9-eleven was my first memory really yeah, how old were you? Four what's the memory? It was being pulled out of school school Four? So what's the memory? It was being pulled out of school. School?

You mean like pre-kindergarten? Pulled out. Pre-k, yeah. They pulled just you? Yeah, I think you got him. It's that little fucker with a mustache. They only pulled like four or five of us. It was like me, Dev, Krishna.

They were like, we see it. We see it. We see it. We see it. We see it. We see it. We see it. We see it.

We see it. We see it. We see it. We see it. We see it. They only pulled like four or five of us. It was like me, Dev, Krishna. They were like, we see a common thread here. Oh, this is good. What's a hobby that you love that most people don't know or care about? For me, it's got to be blacksmithing. This is good. Do you really? I don't know how to do it yet. But he loves it.

I'd love it. I so see that for you. We need more. I'd love it. I love it. I see that for you We need more. I want to make iron art slash or Do you feel like you guys have been given a gift yeah, I guess the pairs oh, that's nice Yeah, not like the opportunity just the pairs I think I think yeah The quince's, yeah. He doesn't know what that is, he just found out what a pair is. Quince I know because of White Mac Can't Jump.

Foods that start with a letter Q. Oh, that's right. Back, side, or stomach? Same, let's do for sleep and seizures. The answer for all two is side. That's a good call. Bring the action. Is that a music video debut sound?

That is, that's from making the video. Making the video. Norah Cole. Starbucks vibes? I went to Omakase. Chefs don't know rice. Trash rice from them. I can't hear you. I left you at the sushi bar.

Chefs don't know rice, trash rice from chefs. They don't know rice, they never char. When I saw the lack of soy, I wish that I could take the reins No one oughta praise Roy Choi Even he don't char the grains Basmati's Drenched in so So He's got coming with the yeah Drenched in so. So?

In what? He's gotta come in with a yuh in a second. Poison globs onto fish roe. It blackens. To get a char you can use ghee. All the rice looks black to me Bomba rice should break your teeth If it's ruined perfectly Brown rice is specked with char It crunches more than dal Someone...fuck Someone fuck. Someone fuck.

It's an instrumental break. Sing along if you know the words. Who sings this song? Nora something? What's that? Who sings this song? Nora Jones, son of Ravi Shankar, daughter. Someone has to earn your trust

Chefs don't know rice they never char Rice is better with a crust Chefs don't know rice trash rice from from chefs. Chefs don't know rice, trash rice from them. Chefs don't know rice, trash rice from chefs. That's really good. You were on your phone. How good could it have been? Well, I don't understand the chorus. Chef chorus chefs don't know rice trash rice from chefs basically don't omakase Don't trust the chef. Oh don't trust rice from chef don't try no sorry

Bring the action Sound from making the video yeah, yeah, I really like the Roy Choi. You were so small Yeah, I Went to Omakase. Where? Chefs don't know rice, they never char. Okay. I left you at the sushi bar.

I really thought he was telling us a story. I was like, that's not the right story to go. I left you at the sushi bar, chefs don't know rice, so trash rice from the chefs. Oh, I see, chefs don't know rice, so when you get the rice from the chef, trash it. Yeah, basically. Ah, I see.

Trash rice. And you know, like, the best songs are the ones that you kind of have to explain the chorus to. Yes, otherwise, you don't want to handle it. Couldn't agree more. When I saw the lack of soy, I thought that I should take the reins. Like, I thought I should be cooking the rice.

I don't know, Macassay, Donny Experience. That part was clear. I feel like we don't talk enough about how good Jeff's voice actually is. No one ought to praise Roy Troy. He's making it worse. I know, so it must be really good when he's trying. Well, have you heard him do acapella and stuff?

Why would I have heard that? Like in videos. Amir came to one of my high school concerts. What was your acapella name? We didn't make the name, it was just like, yeah, let's hear it then. So guys, when they announced you, they were like, it's just like.

It's called The Males. The Males? The Males males yeah, cuz it was all guys That's the best guys. I didn't make the name you had to audition for the males and did you get it? I did You know cuz he went Where did you hear him sing acapella? Bosmati stretched in soul. I kind of felt like this one was a good one to sing to a baby Get Gemma in here falling asleep. Yeah, I would love to babysit Gemma and regale her with all these songs. Remember Goldie? Han?

She's turning two in two days. Wanna feel old? That baby you met? How old was she when she was on the stream? Six months? It's crazy that I'm, yeah. Goldie Hawn once said I was a cute baby. Oh my God, full circle. When did you meet her? When she was a baby.

Her and Kurt Russell were standing behind my parents at a restaurant going up to the whole stand. You've met a lot of people with your parents in lines. I know, I know, I keep telling you these stories. Yeah. But yeah. Around what year do you think the two martini lunch was phased out?

69. Yeah. Yeah, I was going to say. What's the most daring thing you've never done? Bungie jump. I was going to say. War. Go to war. What's the goat appliance? Or throw up.

Ew. Vitamix or immersion blender? What about the creamy the ninja creamy? I don't think that's real What do you use Vitamix of course Yeah, yeah, what do you make your smoothies with Vitamix? I just said He said yeah, he didn't want to admit it, but it's true. You know it's true Do you think it really makes a difference, a nice blender, the money?

Yeah, it makes a difference. Okay, yeah, mine's shit. I inherited a Vitamix from my mom, and it will life-changing. Okay, I'm doing like a $25 Black and Decker. You can make soup. I hear you can blend vegetables that are not hot so quickly that it warms it up and becomes soup.

Is that true? That's what I just said, but he said it longer. No, you said you can make soup, which like with hot broth and vegetables. No, is that true? That's what I just said, but he said it longer now you said you can make soup It's like with hot broth and no no no that's what I meant You're saying I can put cold vegetables in the blender, and it goes around so fast it literally boils the water. That's incredible That seems like a fucking science experiment. Have you done that? Have you done that? Wow in my own house in my own Vitamix.

You have done it? Jeff's friend. Who would play me better in a biopic about my untimely death? Daniel Radcliffe in Brownface or Other? Other in Brownface. Fisher Stevens. Oh my. Who's that?

Fisher Stevens in brown face. He's from succession and he just did the David Beckham documentary. So wait, you think they'd like have to like CGI D? The guy with no neck? What the fuck? He's like 80. He has a neck. No, he's like 55.

No way this guy. I mean however they want to figure it out. He looks like a! He has a neck. No, he's like 55. And then add brown face, also CG. I mean, however they wanna figure it out. He looks like a fucking cast iron. Well, you're casting him. Really? So that's kind of a no. Yeah. To have the honor to read with Steven?

You're saying I put a bunch of boiled, Boiled carrots in a vat of mix. Cool. Is your glass- Cause if you're making a smoothie, if it goes for too long, you can like feel like getting warm. Yeah. Is your glass half empty or just fully empty?

And on that subject, do I fill your cup? Yes, Jeff. Mazel Tov. Have you started any new collections lately? Wait. Yes. What? Everyone knows about my glass fruit.

It's my new thing. What? I have a lot of glass fruit. Are you trying to model your home after like a caribou coffee in 1999? Oh my god. No, because that's not what they have there. I once had such a bad friendship breakup at a Caribou coffee. Let's hear about the friendship breakup.

First and last name of the friend that you broke up with or got broken up with. No, I got dumped. By a friend? Yeah, but it's okay. They told me a couple years later it was a mistake. Wow. Wow, vindicated. Did something happen or did they, it was out of nowhere?

I didn't want to take them. So that's not a friend breakup. No, but we were friends, but there was no, for me it was always, it was always gonna be just friends. Of course. That's awesome by the way, it's cooler to be in that spot than the other. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I feel like Ali, you must have been in that spot a lot. Oh my gosh, thank you, no, but. She's choosy. She's cho, but. She's choosy. She's choosy. Joan Didion is to writing essays as Jeffrey James is to blank. I guess coming up with- Giving gifts. A list of weird questions to ask.

It's a little reductive. Is it? It's what you've been doing on like four straight episodes. Just showing up bare minimum. That's what you've been doing online. Just showing up bare minimum. That's what you think of JoB Didion? No, she writes essays all the time. Jeff or Did or does? Did.

JoB Didion. Jeff shows up, does the bare minimum all the time. And of the five senses, which would you most want to give up? But did he plan an episode? And the answer is no. He did he plan an episode? Wait. And the answer is no. No. He did not plan a full episode.

Five senses. Lose one. Smell. That's an easy one. Yeah. You know who can't smell? Jason Sudeikis. Wow.

And my best friend in high school is mom, and we would smoke cigarettes in our house all the time. Well, I would think I would lose smell. Because then I could... No, sorry, I would lose smell. Because then I could, no sorry, I would lose taste. What? I love food, but yeah, it's just. That's insane. Yeah, I know.

I would lose sight. I would lose. The forest from the trees. I'd lose touch. With taste. Have you ever been genuinely surprised? Or just feigned it? I threw myself a surprise party once

Didn't know what day was gonna happen. I know I had someone else invite everybody and then I showed up and went That's so Ali. Yeah, so me 12. I wanted it. Have you ever had a dizzying faint? I Have once after a workout. I fainted at a smoothie place. And what about have you ever fainted a dazzle? See that's your problem you never actually listen to the answers. It's so hard. It can lead to an interesting question and then he's all the way on to the next question. You fainted at a smoothie place?

Right like that would have been a good follow up. That wouldn't happen if you had a Vitamix because you'd be at your house. I think it's a follow up question have you ever fainted a dazzle? No it's not a follow up. I was fainted after a... Regardless of what I said you would have asked that question. Yeah, that's true. It's fun when we play games.

What's the ideal temperature to not be in a room for? Like these are easy to say. And does the tree make a sound? Yes, exactly. Does steak have a place in vegan fundraisers? Because someone might want to support PETA but they might want to eat a car day with yeah yeah I would say no if you're doing a vegan fundraiser there's probably no meat I was gonna say yeah mm-hmm agree or

disagree not all people of color deserve a seat at the table let's start with Anya. And Endweather. Disagree. But I thought you were from Boston. God, Arad. Guys, why do we find it so easy to forgo kind? How many more do you have? And how many have we had? Sorry, did you say spindly? No.

That's actually the word of the fucking day. Oh. Spindly. The shortest amount of a song you play. That would be fun if we had to guess songs. Oh, name that tune. Which cookie came first? Chocolate chip or Oreo?

You're just actively shutting down better ideas. We're coming up with gold here. We're trying to help you and we're just batting away the life wrath. No, let us drown. We have little anecdotes. They're just going by. I fainted at a smoothie shop are you interested how or what that looked like in any case or just. I am interested I want to know more about that story but I also wonder if chocolate chip or Oreo. It seems like it's just the second one. I feel like I said another reason for you to have a Vitamix at home because then you wouldn't go you would have fainted at home.

And I thought that was a fun thing to say. Well, I probably wouldn't have been able to drive one. Were you recognized as you fainted, or was it kind of anonymous? And it was while you were feigning a dazzle, or? Did you hit your head? I didn't, but I could have. Like, I think I, like, stumbled to the ground slowly, but it was on a concrete floor.

Oh my God. And then you woke up and everyone was, like, kind of staring down at you? No, I think it happened so fast. I think I was just like, huh, oh my God. And then you woke up and everyone was like kind of staring down at you? No, I think it happened so fast. I think I was just like, oh my God, I'm so sorry. Like that level. Maybe you just had like a little bit of a dizzy moment. No, I ended up on the ground. Oh, okay.

It like got like cloudy. And then what happened? And then I stood up. Like it was like, oh my God. But no one was wondering what was going on? The lady that I was ordering the smoothie from was wondering, are you okay? Yeah, sorry about that.

That should have been in lonely and horny. Wait, you stumbled all the way to the ground. Yes. Then you got back up. A through line is that you said sorry. Yeah, I was like, oh my gosh, sorry. A through line is that you're struggling with your hemoglobin levels.

I was iron deficient that day. You know there's like a type of workout that like you just like can never like seem to catch your breath from? For me it's the sled, like pushing a really heavy sled. How is this better than the questions? What is it? How old is an Oreo?

There's like a discussion, like there's an actual conversation here. Between the chocolate chip cookie and the Oreo, which do you think came first? Yeah, probably chocolate chip. Anya? I'm gonna say Oreo. Ali?

Chocolate chip. 1912. Oreo. Oh. 1930, Toll House invented the chocolate chip cookie. You'd think that the chocolate chip was like in fucking colonial times, right? I thought that,

but a chocolate chip cookie was invented on accident by a scientist who had something in his pocket and he walked past a microwave? That was LSD. No, in- You think that, because I think of chocolate chip cookies, I think of apple pie days, you know?

Days. This versus- You think about the white naked fences. Yeah, Oreos- You think of the nuclear family. In a way, but Oreo is, to me, like a corporate snack. Oreo feels more old school, though. It feels like a black and white cookie kind of vibe. Like it feels like- to me like a corporate snack. Oreo feels more old school though.

It feels like a black and white cookie kind of vibes. Like it feels like it's easier to just make two little biscuits and put cream in between than it is to like invent the chocolate chip. Think about that. Well it was invented on accident is what I thought. I don't think so. You think it was invented by someone

who walked past a microwave. Look how nice she's being to Allie when she disagrees. When she disagrees with me, she jumps down my throat and stares daggers at me. Sorry, is this not a story that you all grew up hearing? What? Microwave? I don't think the microwave was invented in 1939 or anything.

Also, even if you walk by a microwave, it doesn't. Well, it had something to do with radiation. No one's heard this? It's not a microwave then. Chocolate chips are full of radiation, what? No, something about pocket, it was melty and they thought, wait, hold on, here's something. They had a sugar cookie and a chocolate bar.

It was invented by accident. I might be confiding a couple different stories. Chocolate peanut butter? Someone had a cookie. I'm enjoying this. Shh. Go ahead. Someone had a cookie and then there was chocolate,

maybe they were gonna do a different, something happened where they walked by something hot and something got melty in a pocket and they ate it. And? They said, this is the cookie. But it's like, what was in their pocket? A little bit of chocolate and a regular cookie. Just got a slap.

I like hearing Jeff's slap. How do you embody welcome in your lives? Kind of pineapple vibes. I just kind of say it. Swinger? Does heat increase or decrease your lustre for life? I said pineapple vibes. What does that mean for you?

Pineapple is like a symbol of, it means welcome. Have you ever howled a lover? No, pineapple means welcome. Amir? Pineapple means welcome, Ali. Have you ever held a lover? No pineapple means welcome. I'm here Means welcome Ali. Do you find me spindly? Our buffets new money No, really no cuz that's the only place we could go out to dinner when my family was really poor That's sizzler welfare. Well, out to dinner when my family was really poor. Like Sizzler. Welfare. American.

Sizzler. It was a hometown buffet. Yeah. And then there's like the Vegas buffets that are open, I think 24-7. I went to the Wynn buffet. How was it? It was honestly crazy. In a good way.

I had a great time, but the amount of money, whatever amount of money you think it costs, it's more than that. $100? More than that. More than $100? Yeah, per person. Because there's like crab and sushi. But like I wasn't that hungry and I didn't know what to do

and I like wasn't what my money's worth. It's too overwhelming because it's like I can't eat all this food. I know. It's like I end up just having like a normal amount of dinner because I don't want to feel sick in my stomach. I know, I just tried every dessert instead to kind of feel like I was getting something.

150, just say how much it was It's like somewhere between it's like a hundred and something fifty. Let's say If Trump is really like pineapple is a sign of it means welcome a symbol of welcome I think pears are a nice. I've been thinking about you gift It's not what I asked isn't it like an upside down pineapple means like you're a swinger or something? Okay, sorry. I yes, that's what I was talking about. Yeah. But a pineapple. That's saying welcome in a different way. But you're also saying like Hawaiian, like the tropical. Yeah, that's also where you're looking for is Aloha. And also, by the way, I think that people of color should be sat at the table. But look at what I'm doing. Talking to a white person about as she's welcome. I

Ali was Middle Eastern You know what? There is someone whose name is Ali Khan who's a Middle Eastern musician You know what and he has some music videos on YouTube. Tell us about the cookie. Okay, so I was so surprises you I was wrong, but if a scientist noticed a candy bar melting rapidly in his pocket while he was working with a live radar set emitting microwave signals, and then figured out that the radar's compact cavity magnetron tube was responsible for heating the chocolate. And?

So his candy bar that melted in his pocket helped backwards invent the microwave. Invented the microwave not the chocolate chip cookie. Yes. So funny. So funny the way you got that one. In terms of the Oreo came second and like the Hydrox came first. Have you heard that? Or it's like now we think of the Hydrox is like the knockoff Oreo, but it was actually predates the Oreo. No. Is it Hydrox? I don't know what Hydrox is. I donoff Oreo, but it actually predates the Oreo. No. Is it Hydrox? I don't know what Hydrox is. I really don't know what you're talking about.

Molasses. There's another Oreo that's like considered not as good. Are you talking about a microwave component again? He's thinking Purex, so they make reusable dupperware and they also put cream between biscuits. Oreo competitor. You're having a bad time, and you are trying to blame that on us

constantly having a conversation over here, but it's because you didn't think of anything except for questions. That's such a crazy name for a cookie. It sounds like a cleaning solution. Cut to you. Cut to you. And took over. How mad do you look right now? I think I lack a certain luster. I don't think I'm upset.

Do you guys find artists infatuating creatively? Sorry, what? That ends right there. That was a Headgum Original.