The Headgum Podcast - 212: Prettywack Industries

Episode Date: July 12, 2024

Johnny Villa (@imprettywack) joins Marika, Saige, and Geoff to discuss his new music, his terrible company, and Saige's Gravy.Advertise on The Headgum Podcast via Gumball.fmRate The Headgum Podcast 5-stars on Apple PodcastsRate The Headgum Podcast 5-stars on SpotifyJoin the Headgum DiscordSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a head gum original. Previously on the Head Gum Podcast. No, I just think like I would love to see you have a new hobby. I feel like Ali, the last time you were on, you were talking about taking up a new hobby. Yeah. I don't exactly remember what it was, but we were talking about it. It's just something that could get me some cash. That's what it was. Monetizing joy. It was how do I monetize joy, which I

think is really interesting. Maybe I'll start selling men's night caps. Night caps? Night caps. Yeah, you'll be like a prosthetics salesperson. Or it's you like selling like summer 2020 era bottled cocktails, but really gendering whiskey. Boy drink, yummy yum boy town. And we also have a gin drink, girl. ["Jingle Bells"] Please welcome to the show, Johnny Villa. Pleasure to be here. Oh, sorry. And yeah, Marika Brownlee and Emma Foley. And?

And? And? And? And? And Sage. Thank you. Off to a great start. Yeah. Do you know my last name?

Yeah, you know, every time I want to say your name, it feels like I'm going gonna say a slur. Oh, I don't think you know it then. I don't know if it's a slur, but it's definitely not something that you're supposed to say anymore. Okay, well yeah, let's avoid it because I don't know what you're gonna say.

I don't know what's going on here. I feel like what Jeff's revealing is his encyclopedic knowledge of slur. Yeah. Is it Sage Gyps of slur. Yeah. Is it Sage Gibson? No. Whoa. That's not even the other word.

Har-gee, man. Gibson? Gibson, yeah. There's no way it's Gibson. Because that would make you the son of Gip. And Gip is actually my father, Gip James. My dad's name is Barry. No, Gibson, like son of Gip.

Oh yeah. Yeah, I'm a girl. That's well, you know, gender neutral son to have. Okay. We were definitely really back. The question is, was this the right amalgam of guests? I kind of feel like you got like Sage is using a pillow as like a, you know, defense mechanism there, you know,

the body language is not very open. Marika looks, I want to say... Angry to be here. Amoral, yeah, I was gonna say. Okay. No, those are the same. No, it was another word that I can't say. I wanted to say, you know, I mean,

Emma, I think you know her. Another slur. Well, no, not so much. Again, neither of these are slurs. They're just words that I shouldn't say. Where would Emma know it? Well, Emma and Sage can say it. Maybe Johnny even.

I feel like he could get away with it. I'm gonna type it in the chat. Am I looking grunty? Oh. Oh. Yeah. Oh, okay. Marika is looking just for the audio listeners. But you basically said it.

I think you can say cuntie. Yeah. I don't think so. But you can't, it depends how you use it. If you mean like cool, like slay. I don't think you should call Marika a cunt. Yeah. I didn't think you meant that,

but even the word, you know, that rhymes with gruntie. I think it's one of the best curse words. Do you see the gesticulation that Marika's using? That is cunty. Whoa. You can't say that. No way. Also, Johnny looks, like I said before

we started recording, really good. What's that, Marika? You said that he looks like he looks 2013. I feel left out. All right. I'm in my fucking bed because y'all are having a party over there almost. Y'all are all getting together, smiling, having a tunnel month. Y'all are having a party there almost.

A party that you requested. My dick is in my hands. I am home alone. Say that I have. And also it's not true. I mean, I'm sitting here. My cat is here. She's not fucking.

Yeah, she's avoiding me like the plague. She's avoiding me like Sage does when I'm in the New York office. Right. Don't Emma Foley on the sacks. Rika Brownlee on the facts. Sage Gibson. Bringing up the rear and Johnny Villa to boot. Yeah. And why don't you boot the rear?

That's a good one. Meaning? Johnny Villa to boot. Johnny Villa to boot. That's good. Johnny on the spot. Johnny on the spot. Yeah. Are you guys familiar with Spoit and Doyle?

Yes, I was on the train the other day and I was passing the Spoit and Doyle station. And where were you heading? I don't mean, this is obviously in the past so you can dock where you were. Yeah, I was coming back from Tarrytown. And why were you in Tarrytown? Farmers market or? You sound like Dr. Seuss cities, spoit and doible. Yeah. I was swimming up there.

So in the Hudson in a fucking loud. I have a pool. Who's in Tarry town? The Tarry town house estates pool. Is that like a it's like a hotel B&B? Yeah. Yeah, kind of. I just went to the pool. Why is everyone staring me at the eyes

giving me nothing energy wise? We're active listening. I started this thing with a bang right off the bat. You did. And it's actually kind of crazy because my friends and I were like really laughing at Spoit and Doyle. And I had never heard of it before, like three days ago. I've never heard of it. I mean, I obviously put an Apple AirTag in your bag.

Anyway, Emma, have you been to Spoyt'n'Doyval? No, I haven't. You've never been to Spoyt'n'? No, have you? Are they two separate places? Like, is it? No, it's one place called Spoyt'n'Doyval. And is it? Is there a dash between? I don't think so. It's just Spoit and Doible.

Okay. One neighbor, one transponder. You shortened it to Spoit and so I was like, oh, maybe that's one side of the tracks. I understand what you're thinking. Yeah, it's like how people call Bushwick Bush. No, they never do. Come on!

Okay, well they call, they don't call it Bush? Because you're in the bush. Bushwick living out in the bush. There's a bar there called the Bush. Yeah. Kind of like being out near Perth. Where? Perth.

Perth. Yeah, Perth. I don't think that was an Australian accent. Perth. Perth, what is it then? That's not, I think that's not bad. That's a John Lennon voice. It sounds like somebody just scissored the,

you know, front end of my tongue off when I'm trying to say Perth. Perth. Yeah, that was good. Yeah, that actually, I take back what I said. Yeah. Really? Yeah, it's awesome.

Don't gas them up too much. She didn't. And I still took it that way. Spoit and Doival is in the Bronx. It's right by Riverdale. And it's it's in between Riverdale and Inwood, right? And I don't know if people are on TikTok,

but... Or on the same side of TikTok, I should say, where it shows this one place that it's like a co-op that looks like you're in like Florence, but you're just in the Bronx. No, I haven't seen this. Yeah, me neither. Okay, this is the building. Stunning. I did see recently. That's beautiful. That's so nice. I actually did see that. I mean, it's so what that's so spoilt

It's the doival I can read Look at this Yeah, it's cute. Yeah, I mean it's like yeah, that's where you should do your housing swap. Yeah. Well, this is just a condo that's for sale. Five hundred dollar Airbnb gift card. Yeah. Marika, we should say that you got a five hundred dollar Airbnb gift card out of pocket because she won something. What did you win? You were there. It was a pretty. Oh, yeah, I was there.

And what do you gonna spend that? Sorry, I'm trying to make polite conversation before we get to the chaos. Yeah, yeah. What are you gonna spend that $500 Airbnb gift card on? I don't know. Cause I don't really take- This isn't good for the show.

I don't take trips without a purpose. Right, that's the point of the fucking gift card. But then what am I like? You find a purpose on the trip. No, I think you need to let the head gum slack know that if anyone bucks an Airbnb, they should do it through you. Oh yeah.

And just give you the cash. Yeah. You should have had, yeah. Will do. Yeah. I know currently, currently my thought is maybe trying to use it to go to a Formula One race But you've already done that

You've already done that with that but she likes it, but it's it's her gift. She can do what she wants Yeah, it's my five dollars now that yeah, but that I gave to her So there is kind of this like string tying me to the destination. I wonder me do spoiten doiwul It's so close by so I have to do that. I know but what if yeah a staycation isn't fun If I'm alone like I didn't say be alone. I said take a fucking bronxian lover How you didn't say that how what do you mean where you meant to ask where? spoiten doi wo No, what about fucking Imola or something that already happened

No, not for the race Just to go. Yeah, I mean, yeah Cuz then you're near where F1 races happen, but you're in a town for the purpose of me being glad that you're there. You feel the energy of the race. I don't think I would, because I'd just be like any other time of year.

You can smell the rubber that's still burnt. I wasn't even close to done. Basically the rubber is still in the air. You're inhaling that. Yeah, so you want me to inhale rubber in Italy? I wouldn't mind. On your dime. Yeah.

Well, no, it's not yours. It's your gift card. It's your cash. All right. Well, then I'm probably not gonna use it for that. And I'm probably gonna use it for like a trip where I have something to do. Okay.

Safe. You're upset. Yeah. No, I'm not, let's just move on, you know? There's nothing, I'm not pissed. I'm just like, there's nothing more to talk about. You're upset. No, I'm not. Let's just move on. You know, there's nothing. I'm not pissed. I'm just like, there's nothing more to talk about. You're pissed. Use your Airbnb gift card or whatever you want.

Let's see how that goes over. The tag at the end makes it seem like you are angry. Everybody let's just get this shit over with. Yeah. Sage, who's your Bond of the Week? Let's start with you. I feel like I always go first on this shit and then I forget to wait for people to say theirs. So I'll go last. Yeah, well no, I'm like being self-deprecating

and I'm like recognizing my fucking flaws. Don't say yeah when I do that, because that makes me to want to fucking admit fault. Whoa. Thank you. Whoa. Whoa is right. Whoa.

I think I'll go Hall and Oates, both of them. That's cool. So the first kind of two-spirit bond? Duo. I think they're having like a beef right now. They'll have squash it. And they're already privateize the two O's are Hall and Oats. Yeah, double Oats seven. Yeah, that's good. That's actually really good.

Marika. Let's go with Edward Blumel is the new Amazon Prime show, My Lady Jane. That's good. It's like that, uh, Rolling Stones song. No. Rolling Stones? That's not the right name. I, you know, I misspoke, I did. But I thought we could kind of power through. Yeah, but then you like froze. Uh, Sweet Yeah. Oh got it. Hmm. Yeah, so Yep, you do guess so that's the difference between you and me. I know so Marika I

Already went yeah Who'd you say I said Edward Blum all who's that? from Lady Jane? Are you OK, man? Did you hear? No, I'm like I'm I you guys are going first because I'm buying time to figure out my own fucking bond. So I wasn't really listening. Yeah. So mine is Edward Blumel from the new Amazon Prime show, My Lady Jane.

Yeah. Where he plays a man that spoiler turns into a horse. So I think you could really tap into that and it could be like James Bond. But he's a horse at night or horse during the day, man at night. So you can get a lot done. OK. I'll step in while Jeffrey buys time. I'd like for Mayor Eric Adams, the New York mayor. I'll step in while Jeffrey buys time. I'd like for Mayor Eric Adams, the New York mayor, to star in a film. Because I think right now he has a pretty negative reputation out here.

And I think something that could save it is if he becomes a Hollywood megastar. That's worked for politicians in the past. So his reputation is what concerns him. I don't really support the guy, but I know that if... He's having a hard go at that. Yeah, he's having a hard... I can empathize because I'm a human being. Okay, so the only reason you can empathize with Eric Adams is because of the basest part of your existence. Exactly. The most animalistic instincts that drive me.

Yeah, your species. And I think that makes it more powerful. And the thing you're empathizing with is just the fact that other people are upset at him doing his job poorly. Yeah, that he's not good at his job. Yeah. Well, what do you mean? What do you mean by that, Sage?

Because when I was in New York in May, no, I saw seven New York police officers, well, actually giving a ticket to a tween who had a Razor scooter in the subway. You're not allowed to have that. You're not allowed to have a Razor scooter in the subway. I don't care if you're at the Met Lorimer stop, and it's really far to get from the hell to the G. Your eyes are becoming more and more bloodshot. $70 ticket for the Razor scooter,

and they're surrounding him in a circle intimidating that you're referring to yourself as a tween, Jeff. I also it's where you rent the scooter from. Brent, he stole it from the

tween. I punched the queen. The police actually had to go through the tween to get to you because you had beaten the shit out of him to get his scooter. If you steal a scooter from a tween, you are a tween and vice versa.

That's fair. No, it isn't. I'll agree with that. No, I think if you're on a Razor scooter and you're an adult, you become a tween. Adrian van der Donk. Much? Who's that? That's my Bond of the Week.

Yeah, obviously. He was a fucking lawyer, a barrister in New Netherland in 1618. He needed a bide time for this. What's the pun? It's time for a what bond? A bond. It's time for an Adrian Vanderbong. There we go. That's good.

Very quick. Aren't you interesting with what he's done? Aren't... What's Emma's bond? What? He went to Leiden University, dude. My bond of the week. In Holland. Okay. Stop interrupting Emma.

She's not even close to being done. My Bond of the Week are the fleet of teenagers who work at the campgrounds that I stayed on this past weekend. Oh, that's good. Did they bully you? No. Did they make you feel old? I feel like teens are starting to make me feel old. Yeah, teens make me feel a little bit old. But I have acne like them.

I'm starting to lose track of all the new celebrities that teens are getting into nowadays, like streamers. And that's what makes me feel really old. When I see something on Twitter And I'm like who are these people and there's a load of comments underneath. Yeah. Yeah, Adrian van der donk No, we're talking about no no, it's quite in Doval. Okay, and he was a lawyer and Blumel is that one of them? Mm-hmm. I'm not familiar with that. Well, yeah, I just shows how old I am Is that one of them? Mm-mm. I'm not familiar with that.

Well, yeah, I just. Just how old I am. Yeah, I said it was twice. You know that Adrian Vanderdonk's honorific Junkier is the reason why Junkers is. Oh, yeah. Sometimes what I say is interesting and you guys know already. Genuinely don't know. I was trying to figure out what words you said in order.

Adrian Cornelison van der Donk was a barrister and landowner in New Netherland. After whom, honorific Jonquir, the city of Yonkers is named. Yes. Honorific Jonquir. And did I mention he went to Leiden? Yeah, you did. Okay. Is that how it's pronounced? It really might not be, yeah. And did I mention he went to Leiden? Yeah, you did. Okay.

Is that how it's pronounced? It really might not be, yeah. Wait, sorry. Marika, why don't you give the floor to somebody? What do you need? Give the floor to somebody. Point at somebody and give them the floor. All right, I'll give Sage the floor. Okay, yeah. Okay, I'll give Johnny the floor to somebody. Point at somebody and give them the floor. All right, I'll give Sage the floor.

Okay, yeah. Okay, I'll give Johnny the floor. Word of the fucking day. What? His floor? Sage. Oh no. Is that the word, Sage is the word of the day? Is Sage the word of the day?

That's absolutely correct, Marika said it. Got it. No, I said Sage, but I only said Sage's name. You said S-A-G-E, I think. That's what correct. Marika said it. Okay. Got it. Awesome. No, I said Sage, but I only said Sage's name. You said S-A-G-E, I think. That's what I heard. Oh, yeah, yeah. Like, why is she... Why is it like, oh, and it's not like, nice, Jeffrey. Because I don't...

Because we don't think it's funny. We were confused, and I don't think she said it. Yeah, but I just needed to go with it so we could get past. Did you guys see the presidential debate? No, I didn't watch it. It was awesome. I think that they're both going to do a wonderful job, so I didn't feel the need to watch it. That was like two weeks ago, right?

Like I missed one. Yeah, that was two weeks ago. I think you guys talked about it in the last few years. We haven't recorded since the debate, and I'm wondering who you guys got. I think we recorded the day after the debate. Yeah, I'm pretty sure we did. Really?

I think we talked about it. I think we did talk about it. Then, well, OK, so you've had time to think about it. Who you got? Hmm. It was a tough question. Who we got in one sentence. Yeah.

Yeah. Who are you going to vote for. Who are we going to vote for? Who are we going to vote for? Neither of them. Yeah, ideally neither. We're going to write in Jeffrey James. I want you to lead this, Contra Man. The only platform I have is that the White House is being fucking lifted, put on a truck, driven to Spoyton, and made doible.

That's all you care about. Yeah. And then I'll cede my thing to the fucker. Totally sucks, but I have to go. Yeah. Okay. You're excited to leave the room. Bye guys, love ya. Yeah.

See ya. Goodbye Emma. Bye Emma. We have more to get to. This feels like the perfect time to take a quick break, let Emma get out of the room safely not tripping over cables and we'll have a lot more when we get back. And we're back Johnny has prepared a slideshow of some kind. What is this? Just click onto the next slide and you'll see exactly what it's going on

All right, just say next slide when you want me to go because I have to control this shit. Okay, okay Okay, okay. You want to lead this or you want me to read it? Okay? I can go ahead and lead it. Don't worry I'm so I'm worried. I'm worried about how this is gonna go. Don't worry. Okay folks my company Pretty wack industries is finally back onto the scene and by listening or watching you are now a part of its continued success No way. Yeah, you coerced them. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah, so I Want you to know that Pretty Whack is one of the most important companies out there right now and it's not going to be easy being an early adopter, I understand.

But I want you to know. Adopter of what? Just like supporting us. For internal use also, by the way. So we're already employees. Yeah, you're already employees, kind of at will termination and everything. So you want, basically before this slideshow you had zero employees. Now after this episode airs you're going to have like over what, 20,000?

Yeah. And do we, do the three of us get any special privileges since we're the first people saying, like, we're the first three hires? Yeah, so since you guys are the first three hires You'll have a lot of say and how the company goes any Suggestions you want to make if I'm going astray if I'm really going off off the right path I want you guys to be there to guide me, you know No way, but continue, but yeah that little fella on the right. His name is Stevie He's our mascot and he'll be helping us throughout the presentation. So Yes, I draw him or is he having a mascot doesn't mean you have a company so far

You only have a mascot in a presentation That means their company company either. All right. Sorry, Marika. I just like having a presentation That says an employee guide doesn't mean you have a company either Presentation or that says an employee guide doesn't mean you have a company either Bill it's let's continue. Is it like an LLC like slide or what? Next slide think it's an ink right industry. I just want you guys to know right now. I'll be honest It's been so terrible for the past few years I Shared some of our work and then when I did I realized the world wasn't ready our work

You guys are supporters you guys are helping me out. Yeah, we don't know what you've done here We don't want our names attached to it if it's something terrible support Yeah, it's been so terrible as the first slide continue. Okay. Well, I'm just being transparent as a good boss It's good to be transparent. So You can't say you're a good boss. It's good to be transparent. So I'm sorry. You can't say you're a good boss. We don't know if that's true. I'm sorry that it's been so terrible for you guys

is what I wanna say. But if you look on the next slide, you can see that we finally have some free time to really get cracking on this. But more importantly on the next slide, we have some money. Oh. Yeah, not a lot. Why is some delineated? And some money?

Just a little bit? Alright. Some money. I'm not going to lie and say we have a lot of money. Again, being transparent. Part of being a good boss, by the way, is being like the company's doing, we're going to be okay.

Like nobody worry. All you've done is inspire fear be okay, like nobody worry. All you've done is inspire fear. Also, time is money, so we have time. We should have more money. I should really go back to the drawing board. We have free time, we have free money. Okay, okay.

Also, this is not a presentation, this is just words. Yeah. This is part of the pitch deck. This is the pitch deck. Okay, continue. Okay, so I'll explain the pitch deck. This is the pitch deck. Okay, continue. Okay, so I'll explain where the money came from on the next slide. Okay, next slide. Yeah.

So, our last investor, Leonard, he gave us the money to get where we are right now. So thank you, Leonard. If you could... And his nickname is Leonard. Yeah. Leonard, Leonard, Sussler. Now, if you could... Sorry, can I ask a question?

When you say our last investor, do you mean like our most recent or do you mean the final one? The final one. The first and only. First and only so far. Well that doesn't help answer the question. The first and only so far?

So don't say first and only. How'd you meet Leonard, Leonard? Leonard was a teacher at my high school. Yeah. What did he teach? So he had that much money to invest, right? Yeah. Well, he put every cent that he had. Towards this company, he put. Is he still alive? Why is there no photo?

All right. Well, all right. Yeah. Click once, please. OK. God, that's what I was worried about. Yeah, he straight up died. Click once, please. OK. God, that's what I was worried about. Yeah. He straight up died. He died this year. Photo can't be coming soon. Fifty eight. Yeah. Well, doesn't matter. I don't know.

All right. P for sure. But I mean, I don't really care to get into the details about his death. It was horrific, but I had cashed the check already. So it was a blank check. And I had a kind of you. It could have been any amount of money. Not any, any. Yeah, since I don't think that's true.

I think a dead person's banking account has a certain amount of money and then doesn't. Well, I cashed it in. What a past. Yeah. No, no, no. I cashed it before. You just knew how much money he had. Mm hmm. Yeah. And I think that kind of did contribute to his demise, but that's neither here nor there.

I didn't want to send you a next slide or what? Yeah, so we're running on reserves. Hopefully with your support, we can get more investors. I thought we were the employees. Okay, so now I'm starting to get it that this presentation is a fundraising opportunity. Okay, so next slide. Great. You should have started with this. You. Should have started with this. You really should have started with this. Exactly. So what do we do?

What we do. Okay, click once. We do everything, right? Click once. Don't say click once when there's only one thing. Just say, yeah. It's about tension and release. Look, we're throwing shit to the wall and we're going to see what sticks.

And that's why you guys should continue being our employees. Can know, I just say it's hired at will I really I'm not trying to nitpick I'm really not I know that we all kind of are yeah This is such a small thing, but the formatting on this slide is terrible. It's rough What are you talking about? These things should be closer to the center? Yeah Well, there were three things and then I realized there were more things than just that so I wrote everything in fact all things Yeah, all things actually. Okay. All right. So next slide Now here are our enemies. This is the big six they own All almost all of media in the world and that's great. Yeah, they have so we are a media company Now they have money and power they can control everything probably the hearts and minds of many

But does Comcast make a fragrance? No, do we honestly probably I'm pretty sure they do because I feel like Maybe there are I don't know. I feel like, I feel like there are, I don't know, I feel like Bravo, like a subsidiary of Bravo would have like, you know, whatever, real housewives have their own fragrance. Yeah, like Elisa Rinna fragrance. See, and that's why you guys are my employees,

so I can better myself and just make this company a lot better. But maybe that's a bad example. Does Disney make an assault weapon? Yes. Yes, they do. I'm sure they fund the military. There's no way.

And also that, yeah. Does Viacom make a cheeseburger? I would say Disney doesn't. Absolutely. Yeah, I'm pretty sure they've done pop-ups with like paramount properties. Oh yeah, for like the Nickelodeon, like Good Burger. Yeah, they did the Good Burger pop-up.

Okay, well then fine. What's stopping us from also making assault weapons or or fucking cheeseburger, right? It's like morals I we could definitely make a cheeseburger. I don't think we could make a fucking gun, but you forget his politics are really bad hate Look these guys should be shaking in their boots because of us, and if you click, you'll see exactly what this chart's gonna look like in the future. Whoa. So, wait, so we...

Also the formatting on this is insane, too. So, still the competing companies will be these outliers. There's still gonna be Hulu, there's still gonna be fucking working title. Exactly. And fucking Sony, ABC, Marvel. But like, where are... We're over them. What does that mean? Yeah. We're far beyond whatever they're thinking about.

We're making fragrances. Also, I don't know why I said where. I still don't know where. It's just John. It's Johnny and Leonard. RIP, the late Leonard Leonard. Okay, fine. So, let's go to the next slide. And anything is possible. I don't want to be pretty.

You no matter what you do, you are pretty whack. This is the listener. You are pretty whack. And that's why I love you. Like early 2020, all those celebrities singing. Imagine it's like, I don't want to be the world with you guys. I don't want to be the world with you guys. I don't want to be Sony.

I don't want to be a major competing company of working title. You're going to be singing a different tune when you find out what's on the next slide. You keep teasing what we think you're brainwashing us, but you do. You'll see, you'll see. All right. So how are we currently making money? So our first round of funding from Leonard allowed us to explore so many streams of revenue and I'll give some top level highlights. Next slide.

All right. We have real estate. No way. We used some of our money to purchase buildings and give back to the community with affordable housing. Which buildings? What buildings? Just like unattended, unoccupied buildings

in prime locations in mid-level cities. It sounds awesome, but you haven't done this. Mid-level cities, you said? Yeah, like a Seattle. So, Seattle? So, where in Seattle? Where in Seattle? In the fucking, right by the space needle,

right over there. There's no way. Right. Prime real estate, you used Leonard's death money, his estate, to buy real estate. How much, how many square feet? Can you give specific addresses? I don't think you have this. Maybe it's like a WeWork, like an office space. Why don't we just take a look at one of the apartments

that are available to rent right now. So next slide. Right, so this apartment's on the market right now. It's a. So do you like flip it also real estate? There's no information here. Well, three bedrooms has a toilet. Toilet. Are you the landlord?

I don't have a landlord. Do you mean like a super? No super. No super. No super. That means you don't own it. The landlord is the person who owns it. Right. Is the toilet installed or just included? Simple living means nothing, by the way. Prime location means nothing. Three bedroom model doesn't mean anything. No. And by the way, the bedroom model is usually used in real estate

brochures when it's like condos that were just built. And you have a say in which model unit you have. Also, this is clearly underground. So it doesn't matter that it's near the space needle. If you're in a fucking cellar, if you go outside, you'll see the space needle. I think that's what makes it prime location. It looks like you have to use a flashlight to look at it. Radon, mold, lead, asbestos, all of it present even in the photo. I feel like

Toilet included, but it isn't hooked up to a drain so it's not really helpful is it okay fine Next slide. This is one of the next this is one of the nicer models. We have right now. That's what we're worried about pretty whack indeed Look guys if I'm out of touch, really just let me know. The Learnatorium. We have been letting you know the issues with every single slide. Also Stevie is now a graduate. Yes, Stevie is now a graduate.

I'm proud of you. Did you draw him? What is this? I asked that and Johnny ignored it. I'll explain at the end. What do you mean? I asked that and Johnny ignored it. I'll explain at the end. Don't be mean, this entire thing is you explaining at the end. Sage, I feel like you, me, and Rick are on the same team here, but I think the reason why Johnny didn't respond is because you're not commanding the room.

You have to take the space for him to respond. Okay, I'll not work on that. Okay, so we're dabbling in education. We have our own Learnshorium. Next slide. Okay, so- Crying children so crying children, kids these days. I'm Ron Hubbard. Yeah, they have AI and everything. There's so much lazier. Nothing to do with this.

Yeah. So I mean, children are lazier because of AI. Yeah, they leaning too hard on the shit and it's going to limit comprehension. Why? Why is theoretical physics and geometry like in the same scope as Scientology? Those were the only two textbooks that we could afford to give out to everyone. The L. Ron Hubbard books are really expensive. Scientology books are expensive. Yeah.

We did spend a pretty penny on the Scientology books. And then you thought like, okay, well. I would say that the first book is unnecessary in a holistic education. For sure. And the second book is way too complicated for the age of the kids pictured. Well yeah, it's hard to go through with theoretical physics. It's not easy, so we're just gonna repeat the lectures

year after year. You know who I think could help you fund this is I think Will Smith tried to open a Scientology school. Did he? Look into it, I'm not gonna explain it, but. Interesting. A pro of this is the schools look really clean, much cleaner than the house. See now, Sage is on my side.

This this this doesn't look like the actual school. This is like a concept photo versus the other photo was of the real estate. And and like Learnatorium sanatorium, like it is giving hospital. It feels like the kids are going to be chained to the kids are going to be all right, is what you need to say. I don't think so. I think that's just a movie title you're quoting. OK, so next slide, then. Obviously, you're not really enjoying that. I want you to know.

Retention rate. Yeah. But it's up from three percent last year, which I think is really important. So this exists. You're improving. This does exist. Who's teaching? Leonard? Yeah. Leonard passed away, Leonard? Yeah. Because he's dead. Leonard passed away, but he did teach ceramics.

So it's just your high school. So it's Scientology, Theoretical Physics, and Ceramics. You don't need a textbook for ceramics. You just kind of need the hands on. I'm not worried about the textbook. I'm worried about the fucking curriculum. Look. In theory, you don't need textbooks at all.

I think you guys are glossing over the point that we have a 5% graduation rate and it's going up. Do you have a matriculation list? Where did those people go to college? And also what graduation? Is it like pre-K graduation? Is it grade? Those kids looked pretty small.

It's like middle school graduation. That's the only data that we're tracking. Graduating eighth grade. Yeah, you're tracking Well, not really we have one other piece of data in the next Schools people make it to high school usually there's like a 90% Graduation rate of the worst really This school people are paying tuition. This is a for-profit learn-a-torium. Okay. How much is tuition? It's probably like 10k, 20k.

You don't know? I don't set the price. It's a huge difference. I kind of just let them pay whatever they want. Also, that's not that much. Exactly. It's affordable. Well, like affordable for a normal good school. You're loving it. You're loving it.

This is it. I'm against... That's pretty expensive for middle school. Yeah, I'm pro public school, and I wouldn't pay for 5% graduation. I'm kind of just against all schools. The next slide. That's what you pay for.

100% fund-raising. Okay, but predicted, so you haven't even done surveys. Yeah, because we can't, how do you measure fun? You can't, you just see the- Well, the kids were crying. You see the faces of these smiling children. I didn't see them.

Well, yeah, they had their heads buried, but I assume they're smiling. Okay, let's say it's predicted. By what metric? The smiling faces I see in children every day. Anecdotal evidence. You're at the school every day. It doesn't seem like it. You're here today. Okay, to be transparent, I'll be transparent. I'm the boss.

I don't go to the school every day. I have other stuff to worry about. But when I do go, they'll put on happy faces. Yeah. Okay. It's like a forced assembly kind of thing. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. Go to an assembly. I say smile.

Imagine you're like the trunch ball from Matilda. I haven't seen Matilda. We have to move on. Okay, fine. I got it. We'll keep it going. We're also the worst sector to move on. Continue. Okay, fine, fine. Sage, I got it. We'll keep it going. We're also experimenting with medicine. So the worst sector to be in.

Yeah. Yeah, we're not some more. Pharmaceuticals. A stevie is the 5% that graduated. You're doing private, coeducational, middle school, lorna-torium, not even fucking liberal arts. It's some abridged version of that.

Well, there's ceramics. Yeah, we're not some one trick pony. We want to help the world. So, on to the next slide. I really think you need to focus. I feel like being a one-trick pony would be good for pretty whack. Yeah, but why don't we teach the children to do the medicine? And pharmaceuticals. Yeah.

Well, that's the thing. We already have... Cut the Scientology. ...a great ensemble cast that runs these medical facilities. An ensemble cast. Yeah. Yeah, it's a cast of scrubs. It's a cast. Well, it's not, it's a concept photo.

It's, we're not hiring Zach Braff. Not to conceptualize doctors. Zach Braff would never do that. Yeah, well, maybe in the future when he realizes how important Pretty Whack is, but. What's Fixer? Fixer is our, it's our over-the-counter drug. It's the all-in-one solution.

To what? So you know how there is a painkiller medication, there's a laxative, rectal dysfunction. Yeah, rectal dysfunction. So we've put all those pills into one. So you're shitting your rock hard and you're high. Yeah. That's fixer. What was the hardest part about like having all these medications? There were so many. So instead of... It's not the issue. The issue is you have to take them at all.

It's just one pill to swallow instead of ten. Yeah, but a lot of people don't have all those problems at once. How big is the pill? Is this life-size? I don't have all these problems, but I am taking Fixer. I had a massive headache this morning. I took some Fixer. I'm rock hard right now. It's so uncomfortable, but... So that's not good. That's why Emma left, by the way. The studio smells like shit. Are these pills to scale? No way people could swallow that. That looks like five dimes taped together. No, they're not to scale. No way people could swallow that. That looks like five dimes taped together.

No, they're not to scale. It's much smaller than that. It's a lot more tasty as well. Branded prayers? Yeah, branded prayers we have. So like a... It's like a holistic... So it's like, let us pray sponsored by...

Pretty whack, obviously, right? So we're always in someone's head and we work with a lot of non-secular churches to get this done. All churches are non-secular churches that get this done all Churches are non-secular. All right, then move on to the next slide. Obviously you don't fucking like this The hug nasia not everything needs to be an orium or asium. Yes, it does I'm providing some good to the world I think people need to know that it's bigger than what they imagine We're getting a lot of money from these Hugnasiums.

So far, this has nothing to do with media companies. No, exactly. We do everything. This is the Chokey kind of. No, this is a brothel. No, we're rebranding jail, folks. Oh, no. Yeah. So we're partnering with several city governments to turn their prisons into for-profit Hugnasiums.

Are people still confined. Yeah, not much has changed. It's just in the name. Hugging them is the concrete walls. Yes, the maximum security. Yeah. And instead of serving time, they're giving hugs or something. Or some private middle schools with poor curriculum and the

dead teacher. No one else. Uh-huh. For-profit prisons that you're just calling something else. Yes. Media or not. I can't even tell. Firearms. Cheeseburgers. Don't forget the apartment and the pharmacy. We do it all bad real property.

And yes, subterranean mold infested radon dens in Seattle. And it sounds like you have a dissenting opinion. A dysfunctional pill with morphine and laxative properties. Yes. It sounds like you're a dissenter. And if we go to the next slide. I'm just listing what you've pitched next. Let's go to the next slide.

The great unexpected nap area. I's go to the next slide. The great unexpected nap area. I'll explain on the next slide. So for, this one really isn't a moneymaker, but it's kind of something that inspires fear. There's a hole in the ground. Yeah, it is. Cause let's face it, you're gonna have enemies when you're a company this big and this important.

Wait, you said you wanna be transparent, you wanna be a great boss. Yeah. Now you're threatening to shove dissenters into a hole. Yeah, if you're an enemy of Pretty Whack or any of our employees, then we'll just kind of put you in this bottomless hole. Why not the Hugnasium? Why is this?

The Hugnasium is too nice for them. Also, why is it an unexpected nap? Like, why nap? He's talking about death. I know, but like, why is it an unexpected nap? Like, why nap? Well, he's talking about death. I know. But like, why is it a nap? Usually it's like people say that's like the well, it's in the name. You see, if I said bottomless hole where you die, people are not going to respond. So it is that we are recording that I'm saying.

You could just call it like a sleep, like the unexpected. I'm alive. No, we're not. Really could have have just focused on the for-profit prisons and made a killing. You could have just focused on making burgers. I don't like, yeah, I don't like. The way this whole looks is terrible, and I want you to move on.

Yeah, okay. Yeah. All right, well, my initiatives seem a little harsh, I understand, but you can see we have, I'll explain our HR and DEI initiatives okay I'm really worried that these don't stand for what they usually okay so go then then fine go ahead check see okay so this is just normal unconscious bias training course we want to make sure that our resource groups

for marginalized groups reimbursement of people decide to do continued education and a four day work week, nice. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Full medical and dental, but is it fucking sponsored by Fixer? Well, you can get it for free, but you can go to whatever care provider you decide to go to.

We're not holding you hostage in that way. Do you reimburse student loans pre-existing? Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, we think it's important to be educated without fear of any financial setback. If you're struggling, we will not fire you slash lay you off. We will build plans to motivate and guide you. How does that coexist with the fucking huge hole in the ground? Feels like people, if they say one negative thing,

not even poor work performance, you're gonna kill them. Exactly. That's different. Being passionate and not really doing a great job is so much different than just outwardly dissenting. Feels like a fine line between struggling and saying things that you don't like. Okay, fine. Well, now you can see that I truly, truly care about you guys as my employees. But it doesn't sound like you care about anybody else, the children, the renter. Your politics are you hate things. You hate everybody except babies.

And you're all my babies. Oh no. That's illegal as we're on the HR plus slide. Okay, okay, we have to hire an HR department. I'll fucking jot that down. Let's go back to our final or next revenue stream. Right. Why would you name it after yourself? Well, because I found it. This company, I think the Johnny Villa Nuclear Weapons Research and Animal Web Testing Facility. research an animal testing facility.

You guys are like upset and laughing, but and I know what it sounds like and things get lost in translation, but it's not what you expect. Let's go to the next slide. I don't like what you did to poor Stevie. This is what we thought. Yeah, the government gave us a grant. We're putting small animals into rocket launches and kind of just firing away. More money. We're putting small animals into rocket launchers and kind of just firing away more money We yeah, we're well, they're giving us grants continued money

To keep this program going And yeah, ultimately the goal of this research is To shrink down the size of nuclear weapons and make them consumer friendly so that everyone can own their own Way That is the worst so that everyone can own their own. No way. No. That is the worst idea for a company I've ever heard. Fucking pistols that shoot off nuclear bombs, sold to the general public at a fucking big five.

You have to get the background check, obviously. This is not like, go to Walmart and pick up. So you want, you think it's fine because it's common-sense nuclear weapon laws Yeah What does a bunny have to do with it? Well, we're gonna test it's a small animal We want to make sure our nuclear weapons can be compact. So we're just using a bunny for scale Yeah, and we don't worry we use the small animals because of the weakest.

We have to move on. Okay, fine. Next slide. Lastly, I wanted to talk about our creative studio, which is a bigger, bigger. It doesn't matter if there's nuclear weapons in the pockets of everyone. It doesn't matter to have a fucking green screen. Just go on to the next slide. It's our biggest driver of revenue here.

Our team also makes music and we share it back to the world. It's all pictures of you. Yeah, but you guys are behind the scenes. You guys are helping out for that. We didn't know this was happening until just now. What? Well, Leonard, at least, is helping me out. He's gone. I forgot about that.

And I'm pretty sure you killed him. He didn't care about his death. Well, I contributed to it. It doesn't matter. Talk about the music. Every week we release something. It stars our own industry plant who looks a lot like me. Is you.

No. What's their name? IP, industry plant. So over the past few years, We've been whipping him into shape Means intellectual property, but Preventing a different thing also you said for the last three years You've been whipping him into shape wanted to you and to you said you weren't doing anything for the past year Yeah, everything's been going wrong. Everything's been going wrong everything that you've released you said you weren't doing anything for the past year. Everything's been going wrong.

Everything's been going wrong. Everything that you've released, you said has not gone well. Yeah, so far. But this is the most promising thing. Okay. Every week. By the time this episode releases, our latest release will be up right now on Instagram and TikTok at pretty I'm pretty whack I am pretty whack no Spotify or Apple music because I don't really know how that works yet I think you can just Google it. This is your biggest revenue driver you said. Yeah. And you don't know how Spotify and Apple work.

Yeah because they pay. You use an aggregator. Yeah he's using. He's. Pennies, less than pennies. And you have your own pretty wags. And Instagram pays more? Oh yeah, the creator fund. They don't have one. Instagram has a creator fund? They don't, but I am going to hopefully inspire them. Look, our comeback release is called Time. Sometimes I'm sad when I listen to it,

sometimes I'm really happy when I listen to it, and I hope you enjoy it. But yeah, with our creative studio, we're going to create our own little Disney star, and he's loving it. I don't want a child star. That seems... Not a child, you're a full grown adult.

Can I ask how his schedule is? He has a lot of free time. Does he go to the school? God. He does not go to the school anymore. We have him on a specific, or a special program to help him become more of a star. Nice. Eventually, we hope for the day that the big six has to eat every last bite of their pretty wack cheeseburgers. And you guys are going to be along for the ride. I'm really thankful. I don't want to

be. I'm not going to. I don't want my name associated with this at all. Okay, fine next slide. You can see our latest work We'll continue working on more more initiatives, maybe more education stuff, but in the meantime the problem Okay, but now it's a threat So now I'm starting to get by all this so you have the nuclear weapons animal testing lab and basically if people don't check out Your music at I'm Pretty Whack, you're going to use a nuclear weapon on a bunny. Pretty much, yeah. Pretty much? What did I miss?

I feel like I laid it out exactly how it is. What did I miss? I guess maybe how much it's going to suffer, but that's fine. Until I run out of ideas and people to work with, everything will be releasing week after week until I get tired, I guess. So thank you, everyone, for being pretty wonderful. You've already run out of people to work with. I don't know. People will just start again dissenting and then we'll

off to the nap room. You're an asshole. Yeah, you're a fucking asshole for everything that just happened. No, thank you. Thank you for employing me. We don't. You made it so clear that you employ us. You said we were your babies. Yeah, we don't.

And I love you guys. But right now I feel like a deadbeat dad. And I'm not thankful for the employment. You're definitely a deadbeat. Okay. You're not our father. Hmm. Well, holy shit. that was fucked up.

Nobody's that was a fundraising effort. Please. Nobody send you money. Please. Yes, everybody said, I don't know. I honestly don't know what the effort was because at the end, it was like, watch a video or at the end. I know you won't die. Johnny's really music will die. The TLDR is you're releasing music at I'm Pretty Whack

on Instagram and TikTok once a week every Friday. Mm-hmm, every Friday. Starting today, July 12th. Starting today, July 12th. Nice, all right. Check out Johnny's music. I think it's good. He won't let anybody listen to it,

but I'm as excited as everybody. It would have been, you could have like premiered a song on the show. But I'm as excited as everybody You could have like Premiered a song on the show no instead you pointed a fucking bazooka at a rap Small bunny yeah, cuz I think that's more important work than whatever this let's not work Disney story. I think I think Alright well I have another segment do we even have time I don't I have to go I have a car right You have a call right now Yeah I'm late. I said I had a hard out at 3.30. I know.

She did. All right, well, Marika, why don't you do your plugs and then Sage and Johnny and I will fucking finish this out. Let's do it. I love that. Yeah, follow me, I have Marie K. Lana and everything. Listen to Johnny's songs, I guess, so that nothing else bad happens.

Thank you, see, that's what we need. You didn't have to make a fucking PowerPoint for us to plug your music. Yeah, listen to the new series, season of Newcomers that's out now. All about sports movies. Amir is on the first episode. See you. Get out of here. Bye.

Goodbye. Bye, Marika. ["Sage's Gravy"] Welcome to Sage's Gravy. Nice. This is a segment where Sage, what would you say your outlook on life is? Positive or bad? Probably middle, I would like to be more positive,

but something I'm working on. Okay, well, I thought that we could basically inspire joy through improvised vignettes between the, it's supposed to be the five of us, but now it'll just be the three of us, where we basically have an inside look on what we think or what Sage thinks is the gravy of life, the cherry on top.

There is what life is, which is usually fine. And then there's like those special moments where it's all gravy. Oh, okay. Yeah. It's all gravy. I do feel like now that Marika's left, everybody's clicked out of this video. Stopped listening. Everybody's what?

No, everyone's here because of you, Sage. Oh, thanks. I would say the fact that you and Johnny are here, yeah. Okay. All right, Sage is gravy. Let's do three scenes, all right? Okay, yeah. One where we each initiate.

And I'll set the scene for all of them though, okay? Okay. Wait, so what do we do? We improvise. Okay. Okay, this one's you and Johnny Sage. Again, this is Sage's gravy. It's what you consider to be the cherry on top.

This will be my impression of what I think Sage thinks are the finer things. Okay. Let's say you guys are on a first date at conveyor belt sushi. And Sage, you'll play your date and Johnny, you play Sage. Oh cool. Okay, sweet. Johnny, in this scene, let's say Sage can't get enough

of the salmon nigiri, but kind of to an alarming degree, and whenever you guys are ready. Cool. Okay. So thank you for helping me, or not helping me, thank you for taking me out to sushi. This is really amazing. Of course.

Yeah, I love sushi. You like sushi? See that over there? What is it? I think that's salmon. Yeah, you've had a lot. I think you might get mercury poisoning. Maybe let's scale back.

Yeah, I thought like I'd eaten all of it, but I can kind of see it. It's a little too far away. Right, it'll come around. It's a conveyor belt. Yeah, but like now I'm like really thinking a lot about the sushi. Right, well, you know what? It's, yeah, it'll come around. It's a conveyor belt. Yeah, but like now I'm like really thinking a lot about the sushi. Right. Well, you know, it's yeah, it'll come.

Don't worry. Yeah, you know what? You seem really distracted about the sushi. Let's just get back to it. Yeah. So what do you do for work? I mean, like I'm a... Work out a podcast. Are you okay?

Maybe drink some water. Yeah. Yeah. I just need some water. Just... We see Sage picks up soy. It's all soy sauce. Oh. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You like salt?

Oh yeah, salmon, I love salmon. Yeah. So I don't know if this is going to really work out. Is it because of the soy sauce thing? I understand that was a weird quirk and I just accidentally grabbed it. Oh, you handled it great. This is who she's coming by the way. Can you get up? I'm not going to. Scene.

Alright, set the scene for me and Johnny. We have four minutes. About something I think is a finer thing in life. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, what you think you think is a sage is gravy. Jeff, you work at the DMV. Okay. And Johnny, you're getting your license for nude. Who's I'm you?

Yeah, you could be me. Yeah. Okay, so Johnny's just sage in all of these. Well, I didn't Johnny wanted to be me so bad, okay? Okay license renewed next It's me sage Right yeah So all my numbers, so just here to get my license renewed, okay. I need your

Driver's license number and you're not updating any of the info on this, right? You're just renewing? Yeah. Yeah. So here's all my documentation. I fucking love the DMV. Okay. This might take a while. I love waiting too. Okay. Wait height the same? Same. same, same, same. OK. And you're still living on Division Street. Yeah. How do you like working here? I'd love to just get into your head. Uh, I hate it here. This.

The smell of the DMV, the waiting smells like shit. I think it's the gravy of life. Smells like gravy. It smells. Yeah, it smells like shit. I think it's the gravy of life smells like gravy It smells yeah, it smells like gravy. It smells like yeah Sorry, did you just put headphones on? Yeah? I just put headphones on just listening to another audio book about the DMV Okay, can I ask why you love the DMV so much? I feel like most people hate this place. You've been here for how long? Well, I've been here in New York for a couple years, but I've always loved love the DMV so much? I feel like most people hate this place. You've been here for how long? Well, I've been here in New York for a couple years, but I've always loved the DMV. No, how long have you been at the DMV waiting? Oh, at the DMV? How bad? Is your life so bad

that being here is better than not? No, actually, and I'll tell you something as Sage. Me, Sage, I appreciate the things that maybe get a little bit overlooked, and that's why I love the DMV. And I'm sorry if I upset you. Yeah, I just plugged in your driver's license number and you are wanted for the murder of several animals. Okay, scene, scene, scene. That was good.

Got a little too real at the end. Yeah. Well, I was gonna bring up that she works at Pretty Whack Industries. Oh, that would have been a good callback. Johnny, set the scene for me and Sage. I'll play Sage. Okay. Sage, you're on the subway and someone, and Jeffrey, you're the guy who's like...

Jeffrey's me. Oh, okay. Yeah. Jeffrey, you're the guy who's like... Jeffrey's me. Oh, okay. Yeah. Jeffrey, you're Sage. Sage, you're going to be one of the performers on the subway doing Showtime. But Jeffrey, you really want to be a part of... You as Sage want to be a part of this. All right.

Hey, guys. Thanks, everybody, for being on the subway. I'm going to sing a little ditty. Mary had a little. Mary had a little ham. Excuse me. Wait. Well that's the words.

Sorry, I was just harmonizing. I was just harmonizing. You were not harmonizing. I work in audio, so. Okay, just let me, nobody even wants to hear this, so kind of just stay out of it. Let me do it. Not nobody.

I'm pretty excited. Little lamb, little lamb. How about you just take it away, actually? I don't want to do it alone. I want to do it with your ass. Okay, well, okay, okay. The name's Sage. Sage Villa.

Ooh. Good. Well, nice to meet you. Like the nuclear testing, sorry. Yeah, like the nuclear testing plant. Each villa. Ooh. Good. Well, nice to meet you. Like the nuclear testing... Sorry. Yeah, like the nuclear testing plant? Yeah. Right. Oh, I know all about that.

Do you guys do the thing where you go up on the bars? She goes up on the bars and then falls on her side. Oh! And scene. That was good. This is actually funny because the other day on the train, I told Johnny that I don't watch the performers because I don't want to pay them. I don't want a free show. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

And I do understand that sentiment. There was a performer today on the subway and I was like, I feel like if I watch this, then I'll be obligated to put to give some money. Yeah. No free shows. Yeah. Usually Iated to give some money. Yeah. No free shows. Yeah. Usually I try to just stop them. You stand in the middle of the dancers.

I'll be like, all right, all right, all right. All right. We had a fun here. That was great. That was great. But we've all had our fun. And I think we're all just trying to get to Sputendoyevil. So I don't know how much longer you guys are going to be on the train.

But yeah, plugs. What do you guys have going on? What do you want to point the people towards? Yes, I was age you can follow me on Instagram at sage dot SG and That's kind of it. All right, follow me on Instagram at Jeffrey dot GJ and Johnny what do you got? follow my company at I What have you got? Follow my company at letter I, letter M, pretty whack.

I'm pretty whack. And my business partner who helps bring Stevie to life, follow him on Newgrounds actually. What is Newgrounds? Newgrounds is an animation site. Oswelt, O-S-W-E-L-T dot Newgrounds dot com. Or on Twitch with the username Oswelt, O-S-W-E-L-T W e l t dot new grounds calm or on twitch with the username Oswalt

Oswelt underscore or tease or tiz you can find his patreon there, too. He's amazing And that's my plug Jeff can I tell you something? Yeah Okay, you keep on talking saying that thing about my Instagram handle, but I think you're confused. My middle name is also S, so yours would be Jeffrey.AJ. That just feels like I would be like adding our friend AJ's name to my handle. I know.

Yeah. But you keep bringing it up like every time I see you. What's your middle name, Sand? That was a Hidgum Original.