The Headgum Podcast - 213: 2.D. Vance

Episode Date: July 19, 2024

Amir, Anya, and Casey join Geoff to discuss Geoff's editorial inadequacies, hypercholesterolemia, and JD Vance!Rate The Headgum Podcast 5-stars on Apple PodcastsRate The Headgum Podcast 5-stars on SpotifyJoin the Headgum DiscordSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a Hedgum Original. Previously on the Hedgum Podcast. You're more gassy than sad. Than sad-y. Yeah. Sassy. I'm going to list off a bunch of news headlines and you guys are going to tell me if these stories are heartwarming or heart-wrenching. Does that make sense?

Yeah. Alright, here we go. Number one. Animal Shelter celebrates after all pets adopted for first time in nearly 50 years Warming yes, that's heartwarming to me Brad I'm a little wrenched by that how so you want rescue animals to be

Well it kind of seems like I adopted all of them at once like that seems nefarious right? Who is adopting all of the dogs that one time? Yeah, maybe they're making a maybe it was your ass It sounds like some shit you would do I didn't You guys hearing that yeah Yeah. Yeah. What's that? What's that? What's that? What's that? Every week it just feels like we're so back. Anyone else on that high?

What was that Amir? Sorry, I'm listening to a different podcast. What did you say? What the fuck? What show? The Hoop Collective with Brian Windhorst. No way you're listening to Windy. Yeah, Bondtime's had a funny zinger. That's funny.

What did you say? Zinger? Zinger. Zinger. Yeah. Zinger. Yeah. Zinger. No, I was saying every week there's a certain energy where it just feels like we're so back. You know what I mean?

Where it feels like we came back from a hiatus that was unwelcome to the audience and for us to be back comes with it a certain joy. Does that make sense? We were on a hiatus? I'm just saying every week it feels like we went on a hiatus that was unwelcome to the audience and then when we come back what comes with us is a certain joy. Joy. Does that make sense? Yeah. Basically, yeah. We're all kind of crooks in a way. No. Speaking of. Bond of the Week, Amir, who do you got? J.D. Vance.

I was gonna say Vance, so I'll say yours that you said before we started recording, Thomas Matthew Crooks. I said that as a joke. I said that as a joke. I said that as a bond. J.D. Vance. Yeah, he's going to be the next vice president of America. He's younger than me, which is kind of he's hungrier than you. And he probably looks good in a suit.

Do you think he says and when he uses that conjunction or do you think he says Vans? Anya who you got You guys took my two thomas matthew crooks is already a pretty damn good shot All right, he didn't hit him square, but he was from 400 feet away. I think. And I think Bond, really? Bond doesn't snipe. 150 yards. He only has to protest. Well, he's dead. He's gone. Yeah, no, he's gone. But, you know, he didn't have a lot of prospects. He was 20 and he had nothing to show for it.

What about the time I was 20? By the time I was 20, we had, what, 80, Jeffer, the dumb asses in the can. Did you? Can we get a numbers crunch on that, Casey? LAUGHS Do your agents, like, show that? They do, actually. And it's worked.

It's not really your... It's not your current, like... vibe anymore, though. They'll see the Jeffrey the dumbass, and that's a clean cut teen. And then in comes you, who's more of the bi-commercial. Sydney Sweeney, opposite type. I was gonna say though, cause it was also Guru Stye that day,

cause I had a fucking growth on my eye in front of me. On my bye. And I also had a fucking dead toe. Okay, all right. Oh, all right. Oh. I wish we could do the get it started thing. Let's do it.

Get it started, get it started. We do the R word version this time. Yeah. Yeah it started. We do the R-word version this time. We are so advanced, dude. Vance has already changed us. JD, JD, you know? There's, I think 2024 will henceforth be known as 1BJD and then 2025 will be one AJD or JD E. What's the E?

Era. So it's before JD and then it's JD era, no matter what happens through history. What's that? Do you think your listener base actually knows your politics like your actual politics? I don't think a lot of them are far. Right.

Well, Jeff's from Ohio. So anything's in play. And as is Vance. Vance was in my little league league. No, I don't know where in Ohio he's from. I mean, even Cleveland, where I'm from, you know, has a lot of mixed to bad politics.

But I'm pretty sure he's from like southeast Ohio or something, just somewhere terrible. No offense to any listeners. Do you think this is gonna be a Rust Belt election? I think this is just gonna be bad no matter what happens. I mean, Trump is going to have it no matter what. It's so over that we got to put some cash on this Vance. Casey, who do you got for Bond of the fucking Hour? Bond of the Hour, I'm gonna give it to...

Me, me, me, me. I'm gonna give it to Anya. ["The Star-Spangled Banner"] Ha, ha, ha, ha. He had nothing. I was helping him out. Do you have anybody or you're just gonna point the finger? Me?

Yeah. I give it right back to Casey. Because I'll also point my finger, which has just been pricked at a bunch of pricks. Well, how did you prick it? What's that? Why did you have to give blood? Basically, I wanted to donate just a little bit. Just a drop. I want to be able to say I donated blood today without feeling woozy

and without helping others. Does that make sense? So basically, I get all the sympathy of giving blood without any of the consequences or spiritual karmic. Leads it would be funny for you to donate blood to the J.D. Vance election campaign that just mail in a fucking biohazard, but other stuff. I guess I shouldn't say that, huh? I shouldn't say that on a recorded. Yeah, very yeah Talking about all this stuff into a microphone right now. I'm like, I don't know if I want to put my voice and

We all have alibis right well not on the day but all days moving forward feels like a minefield You know what I mean? Yeah It feels like a minefield, you know what I mean? Yeah, like you don't want to become a dictator shit. Hold on, there's a knock at my door right now. Oh my God. One second. It's Vance. And he wants an advance.

This is already, you know, the energy is there. Casey's outfit is really searing thus into my mind's memory. I don't have a photograph. I have something for Casey. Go ahead. Sorry. I also have a whole, no I have like a talking point for Casey during this wax segment, but let's talk.

What do you have for Casey? I have a talking point for you, but I would like to hear what Anja has to say. Yeah, I also had a talking point, but I'm curious what Anja has to think about it. Let's go Anja, Casey, me, and then if we get to it Amir, okay, so I Casey Casey's talking point actually I would like to also support some part of that talking point as well But my separate talking point for just Casey. Yeah, I also want to support Casey's talking

I wouldn't even mind getting in on Casey's I could co-sign that for sure Yeah, you better you better but we'll get to that and that for sure. Yeah, you better. You better, but we'll get to that. And next, Anya. Yeah, what's your Anya's talking point? I've been home for a week and now plus one day because I had the novel coronavirus and Casey really- I actually had a talking point about that. I hate to even bring this up, but I had a talking point about Anya's COVID zero. I wonder how she got it.

But yeah, Anya patient zero. Yeah, basically it was instead of Anya zero, it's Anya patient zero is what I was gonna say. But also I was gonna say that- You said Anya COVID zero. You can't be patient zero for years in. I was going to say instead of COVID zero, well you're patient zero for COVID zero, which is basically when Anya Zero has COVID-19. So instead of 19 it's zero. Yeah. Everything would have fallen apart if it weren't for Casey though. So Casey Zero. Casey's picking up the slack. On slack. Wait, Zero is a good nickname? Oh.

This whole time, yeah I assume. Although people have been mean to me in the comments lately, so I don't know. I think it's one of the coolest nicknames you could have. I mean, if Trump was Donald Zero, I think he would have. That would be so sick. He would have clenched it. Yeah. He wouldn't have lost that last, yeah, yeah.

Like he, president for life. Casey, my one thing. Yeah. Those three books in the background that are crooked. Mm-hmm. We're gonna have to straighten those. Right now? I would say that's not the only thing

that's crooked in the head game office though, I would say. Are you guys familiar with, yeah. What? Is that like a love it or leave it joke? I was just gonna say, are you guys familiar with Marty Michael? You think he's crooked?

I think he's crooked, Mike. He's close. He's close. I do think it'd be fun to come up with. Thank you, Casey. That looks so much better. I have a talking point. I think we genuinely should all say thank you to Casey because he really held it down.

Great job, Casey. Thank you. Thank you, Anya. Thank you, Amir. Do you know how you got COVID? thank you to Casey because he really held it down. Great job Casey. Do you know how you got COVID? I was in New York and then I was in Alaska. So I either got it in New York City or Alaska. Yeah, it had to be it had to be Juneau. You guys ever been there? Do we have fans in why did you go to Alaska? We should do a live show there.

I was going for a location for a live show. Yeah, I was burning through a big walk. Maggie Rogers. No, not for us. Anchorage. No, I for us. Anchorage No, I was in Juneau. You guys aren't that much older than me. I mean Amir is, that's a different story But I feel like Anya and Casey are still young Someone in the comment section said I'm pushing 40. That's, are you like 33? I'm 34. They meant you were shoving. 34 is the same thing. What's that Amir? You're over the hill So like I don't even know. Anya is closer to my age than yours. True

And I'm pushing 40. That's true. Eight years and six years. Or no, eight and seven. You're pretty much splitting the difference. Casey, what are you? 40? I'm 22.

Really? That's pretty high. That's gas. Yeah. I do have a talk. That's so crazy. I have a talking point. That's so crazy. I have a talking point. I do have a talking point for you. Yeah, let's hear about it, Casey. I wouldn't even mind piggybacking off of yours.

Let me go over there and tour that. Okay. I got some notes for you on the show, actually. Let's hear it. That's my talking point. We've been talking about it all week. Yeah. You have to do a better job editing the video.

You have to. I was going to say. You were going to say that? I was going to say, well, last week I didn't even get to the end of the show. I was going to say, well, last week I didn't even get to the end of the show. I was going to say, well, last week I didn, you have to do a better job editing the video. You have to. I was gonna say. You were gonna say that?

I was gonna, well, last week I didn't edit the video really at all. Yeah. But before that, I mean, what are you judging me on? Just last week or in general? Um, last week. Because just last week, yeah, that was fine. I could have done a better job.

Last week reminded us of in general, I would say. I would say most of the time I do well. Marika had a sit down chit chat with a Jeff man like last fall, right? And I started editing the shit on a multicam spectrum. Last week I dropped the ball once and now here we are live on air. What did you do last week?

I didn't see the video. Basically it was tough because I was like, I was over Zoom and everyone else was in New York. Like this. And there was. Okay. Oh, and then else was in New York. And there was... Okay. Oh, and then you didn't do the interview for people? The issue with Jeff is that he wants the show to be good. That's true, it is.

And he will have a streak of workings. You will have a little sit down and then there will be improvement. And then one day out of nowhere, it's like, and it's back to square one. That's exactly right. The tough part of it is that... It starts slipping and slipping and slipping and then it's gone. Major slippage, major shrinkage, I would say, even with the heat. And I'm in heat, which was part of the problem with the editing last week.

But you have to bring the heat every week. I agree. I agree. I think the problem is I don't wake up early enough. But if I don't get enough, if I don't get more than eight hours. Why don't you just say it later then? I don't want to work past a certain time. You know, it's about work-life balance.

And that doesn't make it hard. That doesn't make it hard. That does make it hard. I wanted to talk about Casey's Passy. What's that? This is a talking point. Does anybody want to co-sign my talking point? No, hold on. Okay.

But we do have to circle back later, but keep going. Okay. Casey's Passy is a talking point, not quite a segment, where I thought we could kind of realize and bring to fruition our ideas around what pacifies Donna Hugh. So like what makes Casey shut the fuck up, but with a smile? An iPad with a baseball game on it.

No, that's like Casey. He's not a baby. I mean, that would pacify him and keep him occupied for an hour or two. I didn't like the insinuation that he needs to sit with an eye like he could have a fucking flat screen It's just about the baseball part of what you said. It's not about screen time for children So this is all hobbies Casey has I didn't know that this was a thing where I needed to shut the fuck up Not on the show in your personal life. You barely talk. That's true. Thank you. I think you're pretty quiet

I'm okay. I'm not I'm also not saying that you need to talk less. I'm just asking the group. I'm polling the room slash Zoom. You literally said what would make Casey shut up. Yeah, he did. What pacifies Donahue is what I said. And Casey, you can start. Jesus Christ.

When you edit the video well, Yeah. because that adds up on the Head Gum Channel, I think that pacifies Donahue. That's cool. It's tough because if I don't achieve perfection, I feel like I get like stared at the eyes though. Does that make sense? Like I get chastised on the Zoom, in the room, on the day, online, versus when I just do

things correctly, nobody congratulates me. Nobody says thank you. Nobody says thank you. Nobody says good job. We had an apartment that we pay you to do. Yeah, it's true. Sometimes I go above and beyond though. What about the bumper stickers to have? Did you ever add this to the store?

I wasn't allowed. When I go above and beyond, Marika's like, that's not what we do. I'm getting a call. So it's like, unless I do, it really just feels like if I don't do things. You made the bumper stickers, but you're not really moving them. I'd say if you want to go above and beyond- I said I would mail them, and just nobody trusts that I will. Then go outside the studio and sell them to passersby.

That's true. Would that pacify you, or? I think that would. Passersby you, or? All right, let's check in on Amir's woes. I'm using the phone right now. Yeah, let's check in on Amir's woes. He's on the phone right now. Yeah, that's true. Yeah.

Amir, it has been 544 days of you being in your 40s. Are you- Yeah, since the 40s. Okay. Yeah, a year and a half almost exactly. How are your woes? What do you mean my woes? Well, I don't mean like, you know, in the Drake sense,

I don't mean like you're running through, you know, LA with your friends. I mean like, have you cried this week? Have I cried? No. Have you been sad at all in the past year? When was the last time you cried? That's a good question. Maybe my wedding? I don't remember.

You shot it. Did I get it on tape Clearly not you missed the money shot. We also should say that really low-res VHS That's funny Thank you When you say you shot it we should say that you don, he doesn't mean like on VHS, on film, on video. Casey was 150 feet away on a neighboring, outside the site of the wedding.

And there were like some pop sounds that rang throughout Laurel Canyon. The entire Headgum staff kind of surrounded a mirror like this and he stood up on the altar and was like, let me get my shoes, let me get my shoes. Although it was a portmanteau, he like kind of married Donald with presciently with historic references such as Elvis

because you were wearing a light blue tuxedo with blue suede shoes. What did you, you said it was almost a portmanteau because you married Donald with Preshion Lee. Basically, you projected out into the future to July, what was it, 13th, I want to say, 14th, to the past in the 50s, when Amir, I almost said Amir, to when Elvis had a certain type of loafer, in a way.

And you knew that the future would happen. You had one foot in the past, because history does repeat itself, married them in a huddle in case he had an AR-15 at the UDN estate. Can we talk about my triumphs? I feel like we never do that. We've already talked about my fucking failures.

I feel like I'm kind of nice. So the failures that you don't do a good job and your triumph is that you're kind of nice? I think that there's something to be said and Holly won't for being not an asshole. Anya's still on the phone? Still on the phone.

Got it. Is that with my physician? And the reason why I have a bandaid on here? Pricks? Yeah, the results are bad. Really? Is it glycogen, omega-3s? Is it the hypercholesterolemia?

They said nearing death. Hypercholesterolemia. My lifeline is so short. So short, so short. Wait, why did you have to prick, why did you have to prick your middle finger? So that I could point my middle finger at pricks for the joke.

That's really cool. Wait, so you pricked your finger just for the joke? I had a lot of bodily fluid samples taken nary an hour ago to right the wrongs of my short life line. List all of them. Tears. Every fluid. Gums. Sweat. Blood. Urine. Snot. I didn't end up doing the Lugui test but that's just because the morning void urine strip in Vile wasn't, not only was it Vile, it was in a Vile. And I was listening to Kurt Vile and I didn't end up having

to do the Hawking Allugi test because I was buying a Hawkney while wearing it. You know mucus? Mucus is short for muco polysaccharide. It's both a lipid, a fat, and a protein. A lipid is a fat, so it's just a fat and a protein, but continue. Never mind. Did I miss Jeff saying anything about shooting again? No, he was talking about what he was saying.

He was talking about all the different liquids that come out of him that he's sending in the mail. Basically, I secreted oil from my eyes into a vial while listening to Kurt. Oh, did you ever do the fecal transplant thing I sent you? Yeah, Amir was trying to thin me by having me swallow, I wanna say shite. Like make you lose weight?

He wanted me to be, you said that you wanted me to be known as 2D Vance because you wanted me, when I turned to the side, you wanted me to not be there. Let's take a quick break, we'll be right back. Oh, let's take a quick break. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. Guys I'm constantly comparing my life to others. Social media plays a huge role in that because I follow only rich and sick people. I don't mean ill. In the medical

sense I mean that their lives look better than mine on paper and in person. But comparison is obviously the thief of joy and we're all trying to be it instead because it's easy to envy other people's lives but you don't know what their life is actually like. It might look like they have it all together on Instagram but honestly they probably don't. And therapy can help you focus on what you want instead of what others have so you can start living your best life and own a Rolex still. I'm in therapy every week. I would highly recommend it to anyone who has access to it and BetterHelp makes it easier. So start with BetterHelp. Give therapy a try. It's entirely online,

designed to be convenient, flexible, and suited to your schedule. Just fill out a brief questionnaire to get matched with a licensed therapist and switch therapists at any time for no additional charge. Stop comparing and start focusing with BetterHelp. Visit BetterHelp.com slash what's that today to get 10% off your first month. Again that's BetterHelp. H-E-L-P dot com slash what's that. Thanks BetterHelp. Welcome to... Yeah, money.

Wow, what a needle draw. Welcome to the Don a Hue. You guys ever watch this, the apprentice? I've seen it. Okay, so this is a segment called the Don a Hue. This is gonna be improvised scenes as if Casey hosted his own apprentice style reality show. So the apprentice was kind of Shark Tank before Shark Tank, E.P.ed by the same man.

No, not at all. Really? Yeah, it was like people trying to get a job for Donald Trump and he would like make them go do challenges and stuff. I feel like Shark Tank is more like entrepreneurs like pitching ideas for investment and then they negotiate the deal. That's kind of more what the Donahue is though,

the second one. Is the shark tank one? It's improvised scenes where there's gonna be three, you're gonna play the Don. So why don't you just say it's a shark tank spinoff instead of bringing in the apprentice. Because then it wouldn't be the Don. It's really a who's lines at any way spinoff.

It's like an improv. It's really a good ass segment. Yeah, I wanna know more. All right, so three scenes. All right, we're gonna go Amir, Anya, me. Casey, you're sitting perfectly. You're already in character as the dawn. You will be.

No one calls him the dawn. Well, let's see how it goes, Anya. Okay, sorry. I'll save my notes. So one by one we're gonna come, we're gonna do a scene where we- We're gonna what? We're gonna come forth is what I was gonna say.

Basically arrive. You're right, that makes more sense. Basically one by one we're gonna all have experience a little death and we're gonna, no, it's gonna be improvised scenes two people at once it's gonna start with Amir and Casey Casey is the Don Amir you're gonna bring a product service or business idea to the Don and you know the rest will be listering so it's shark tank yeah shut up I. Hey, Don. Nice to meet you. Welcome. I have a business

idea for you. I'd love to hear it. I am the Don after all. Yeah. So basically it's a website that combines real traffic data, which is like interesting because it's like, it tells you how to drive places with social media. So it's like. Oh, like real traffic as in like car traffic. Yes, exactly. What's happening on the streets. If you're in traffic, let's say you're stuck on a highway

and you wanna chat with somebody near you. Because they can. To another car also stuck. Exactly, right. So it's like my space meets ways I like this and like you could set your top eight of other drivers around you this is really good and you can honk through the app and you can sort of talk and create a zoom link that's like, hey, this is really nasty.

Let's get off here and sort of have a coffee at a diner instead. Amir, I love it. You're hired. Oh, oh. Okay, I have thoughts. Are we doing feedback or? Are we still on the scene?

Jeff, you let us know. I have notes. How is what you just pitched different than just using Zoom, using Waze and calling friends if they're nearby you on the freeway? I'm talking because I'm talking. I understood it. I'm talking to the other cars stuck in traffic with me. But you're going to have a top eight? Isn't that going to change every 10 minutes? The other cars around in traffic with me. But you're gonna have a top eight? Isn't that gonna change every 10 minutes? Yeah.

How long are you often stuck in traffic? You live so close to the office. Well, don't dox me, but also- If it's like bumper to bumper up silverware. Yeah, what if I gotta go up to 405, you know? What if I'm trying- What if he's walking? He didn't even have a name for the fucking thing. I did.

What is it? Oh, what is it? The name for the website. You're buying time? That I pitched him. Yeah. Buying time? Just say it. Three, two, one. What's the name?

Three, two, one? Three, two, one. MySpace. MySpace. No, MySpace. Spaze with a Z. MySpace. So MySpace and Waze.

Oh yeah, I guess it is kind of like that. That's so clever. I love it even more. You're hired. No way. All right, here we go No, I had thought I have be more I also have notes on this but I know you first I Just I think that I think it's cool that you were trying to yes and a mirror and really support his idea But I know for a fact that you would hate this and that you do not like to be distracted while you're driving and that you take your driving very seriously.

You won't even text. I do not look at my phone when I drive and I actually if people look at their phone. He hates your idea. I think I think if you are if you are texting while you're driving you should get like the equivalent of a DUI is what I think the punishment is. That's not a bad idea. Honestly, I know it's a great idea. Is that a ticket texting while driving? Well, you should get points on your license for sure.

It's on the back end. I wouldn't even mind. Yeah. Yeah. I once got pulled over on the 101 because I was I wasn't texting, but I was like trying to choose a song. And the guy saw that I was like on my phone or whatever Pulled me over and I was like, ah, sorry and he's like, you know, I pulled you over and I was like

Yeah, I was on my phone. Sorry about that never admit to the police why you think they pulled you over Well, usually I try to like small myself I basically debased myself trying to do an improv Because all they want when they pull you over is like they want their to hit their quota and they also want to like make You feel like shit so that they feel powerful so I take it so far in that direction that they start to be like alright come on have some self-respect man. What do you mean by debase yourself? I step outside the van as quickly as I start to spin plates on my nose like a dolphin. He's like constantly looking in his pocket.

I dance like a seal in front of a Navy seal until they're like, all right, get off off the ground. You have rug burn on your knees. You do the worm. Yeah, but on my side, so I'm just cracking my birthing hips. All right, Anya, up next. Well, before Anya, I would like to, can we repackage this segment?

Okay, fine. I know you pitched it as like an apprentice thing, but that doesn't really match. And then, you know, it's more of a Shark Tank thing, but you want to call me the Don. So this really honestly feels more like a Godfather situation. This really honestly feels like a Godfather. I didn't hear Anya say that, but she's right. I come to you on my daughter's birthday. All right that's good. That's how we should start. This next scene is gonna be Don Yuziro entering. Can you cue up the Godfather music please? Well not really. That sucks.

As a rival Don I now have to come in and pitch to the other Don. Wait, she's a Don also? Action. Alright, so I know this is crazy, because you're a Don and I'm a Don and technically I shouldn't have to come to you to get something Don. Well the five families do have to meet after all. That's true, that's true. We're doing an alliance. So my pitch is a show, it's a podcast, that's part of the HeadGum network,

and it's kind of like the native branded show for the network itself. So it's hosted by someone that works a lot with HeadGum, and then employees come on all the time, and it's kind of like a little bit of peek behind the curtain, a little chance to do something kind of creative, and kind of build a brand for Headgum and allow people to see what it's like to work here

and have some fun. But here's the thing that I think will set it apart. I think it's going to be edited well. I think that it'll be uploaded on time every week. Incredible. It won't ever, there will be no uploading it and then taking it down because there was an issue and then having to re-upload it later so that because otherwise I

feel like people in the comments will be like where did the episode go? What was the issue? And then that's kind of what they're going to talk about in there. And then maybe like there's live shows that you could do. You could go on tour. You could like actually have like a really profitable and like a really good podcast. I would think the person that hosts this show would have to be pretty reliable, you know? Yeah, definitely a show up on time, punctual, remember to press record kind of a person.

So that's my pitch. That's a show that we could do as part of this network. You come to me on the day of Amir's wedding and pitch to me an incredible day of Amir's wedding and pitch to me an incredible show. You're hired. That's awesome. I'm glad we could work together on this across our like family divides and stuff.

And you can take the Bronx and I'll take Brooklyn. This isn't working for me at all. Okay, what's not working for you? I mean, these are such small things obviously obviously, but like, Anya was like, chuckling through that. She was like stuttering almost. I feel like Adan would never. I thought she spoke clearly and there were a couple of strengths.

But also, like, I'm kind of deferring to like, to Kate. Like, I want the Don, the Hugh, to know that like, I respect him and his like, power and like, I don't want to like, make make him feel like I don't want to intimidate him. That's what I do in cops. Also, I don't think I stuttered. I know you kind of sputtered at least there was definitely like, you know, it's like when you like floor it on the freeway. I think you have a bad connection, Jeff. That's true.

Like that's not really has nothing to do with my idea. All right. Well, you know, I'll give it a five out of nine. Five out of nine. Yeah, pretty good. What a bizarre scale. Are you talking about my improv abilities or my idea? Yeah, I think that's like the overarching note.

Like, is this an improv game or kind of like a... This show thrives in chaotic environments, all right? This lineup is good. I think this segment is turning out pretty dumb. And I think that it doesn't matter as long as it's fucking funny, right? People enjoy it. Okay.

Yeah. And I mentioned this two weeks ago, all right? I know I'm not always the most organized guy. I know I can be late sometimes. I am working on it. I'm always working on that. I feel like there's something wrong with my brain since I hit it in December, which has made it all worse.

Don't bring that. That's so unfair. Yeah, now we feel bad. What are we going to say? What are we going to say now? But that's true. Now that you've got up your head injury. That is true.

What are we supposed to say? But OK, it's not like it's taken a turn for the worse. It got worse. I think it's exactly the same. I think it's gotten better. I think a lot of things have gotten better. I think a lot of things have gotten better. I think a lot of things have gotten better. But that's in spite of the fucking TBIs.

TBH. You should continue to hit your head, I think, then. Which you have. Here's the deal. Seven times, yeah. You kind of can't. It's like a, like a canker sore. Like you can't stop biting it.

Yeah. You hit your head seven times this year? Yeah, because- He's like addicted to it. Was any of them you stepping on a rake and it coming up and hitting you in the face? Yeah, it was a lot of like stepping on rakes. It was a lot of like slipping on banana peels. Do you think your head got bigger

so it's like you don't understand its placement in space? I think that- Like are you swollen? Do you have a swollen head? The part of my brain that affects where I know I am in space is fucked up. That's why I hit my head seven times. And it isn't funny, but that's- I know, it sucks that you have to bring this up now.

This all being said. And be serious. Suddenly we're being serious. But you still have to edit the show better. Hitting my head one million times. All right, here we go. Don Father, I guess we did. We did the apprentice, which is kind of shark tank.

We did the godfather, which is kind of, you know, a wash it away. What should we do that's related to Don for our scene, Casey? Because there's the godfather Don. There's the Don as in Donald Trump. What other Don's are there? Donning clothes? Red Don? Don of the Dead?

Can only do a movie reference. Okay, well, you know, help me out here. In his lane. No, I think those were good. Thank you. Yeah. I don't think Jeff knows either of those. What about Don Wells? What about Don, the 1978 film with the same title as Don? What about Don Soap?

Okay. This is good. Now, Jeff, tell me how you're gonna edit this into the show. Yeah, let's work on that now. Yeah, will you show this YouTube video? Okay, no, what we're gonna do is, I got it. I figured this out. We stumbled across the finish line, but we made it there.

We're gonna lip dub this scene. That's us three. Yeah. All of us are gonna lip dub this scene. You tried this with Emma Foley and it didn't work. That was because Emma fucked it up. Now we have the fucking supporting cast that can affect this shit.

I'll be in white because, or no, actually Anya be white because you're wearing kind of white. I'll be in the middle because the guy has longest hair and then the guy on the right can be a mirror because he's dressed like shit. And then the guy approaching can be the Don, AKA Casey. Here we go, action. He he's dressed like shit. And then the guy approaching can be the Don, AKA Casey. Here we go, action.

He's not dressed like shit. Hey everybody, I hear you have something to tell me. I don't know what to open your mouth, that would pacify you. Keep going, I like what I'm hearing. You wanna know what I have in this bag? Get him, you little bitch. You little, little bitch.

You know, there's a lot of white people like you that I don't respect, but I gotta say, the way you've approached me with a briefcase in your hand and something lubing your hands. Keep going. Just stop right there. I'm sorry. I wanna add something. But you better be specific.

I don't appreciate when you're not pacified because I want you to relax, Casey. Don't I look relaxed to you? Not at all. Don't you want to see what's in the briefcase? Your arms are at 90 and 180 degree angles respectively. Well, take a look! Oh my god! No! No! That's so bad!

Oh, that's just the opening scene though, so luckily there's a lot more movie to come. Well, that was really bad I thought that was really good. Actually you just like movies And I felt like I was in one for a moment wonderful, that's so good Okay, now let's watch it with the real audio that's all right, that'll be fun I Okay, now let's watch it with the real audio. That'll be fun I Don't think that was an English language film. So yeah. Well, why do you what makes you say that? Yeah, Casey keep going

The like when I went to the production company title cards, I Mean I couldn't hear anything at the beginning where you could see the person in the rear view? Or in the side? I think you let me, Casey, correct me if I'm wrong, but I'm pretty sure your favorite shot was when the three brown guys got a bomb exploded in front of them. That scene we watched, that wasn't my favorite shot, no.

Okay. That was the Don. A-Hugh. We should play it again next week. Yeah, it worked well. What was your idea? The idea was the Don, a-Hugh. Improvise scenes as if Casey hosted The Apprentice.

Wait, so your scene was just going to be pitching that to me? No, my idea, I was gonna improvise. I, you know, fully improvise. I don't usually tend to pre-write stuff, because I'm not... Which is why they often fall apart. No, I think I was gonna do something. It probably would have been a portmanteau.

Like, it could have been... Yeah, second time you brought up a portmanteau this episode. The first time barely made sense. I did. The first time it didn't make sense. This time it did. I got an email from this episode. The first time barely made sense. I did, the first time it didn't make sense. This time it did. I got an email from Florida mall, which is a lingerie store.

And so I could, it could be like Florida doll. And it was like, ever wanted to get your garter belts at the same time you get lentils. Look no further than Florida doll. I would have fired you. Yeah, I was going to say. Basically you could get, yeah. I Would have fired you yeah Basically you could get yeah stockings and

chicken stock To make the doll to have curry and a flurry of bras and All right now now I'm coming around. Just... Why not get a bunch of... A flurry of bras and panties? Get a bunch of fiber and get a

fucking teddy! From Florida Doll! And did I mention it's co-sponsored by Rolled? No, you didn't roll doll, yeah Really I feel like yeah true Yeah, Casey I feel like our idea of bringing up Jeff's editing style on the podcast has backfired because he was able to just make it into

A joke and that he'll never let us address it with him for real No, I was dead serious and if you don't do a better job, we'll find someone else to do to do it. So okay, I Just do do a good job usually But what about the weeks where you can't why don't you raise your hand and say I'm gonna mess it up this week I need help Do you know ahead of time if you're going to mess it up or is it a sort of a too little too late? I usually know by Tuesday.

Yeah. So it's like too little. Basically, what I what I need to do is I need to create a template file that I can give to Grace or a different video editor that's like, hey, everything's done. I just can't edit the multicam because I don't have time. That's exactly that was exactly going to be my suggestion. Yeah. So why don't we start doing that now? Well, I don't want to do that on a weekly basis. I want't have time. That's exactly, that was exactly gonna be my suggestion. Yeah. So why don't we start doing that now? Well, I don't want to do that on a weekly basis.

I want to do it. Why not? If there's a week I can't do it. And that's why, that's why, that's why it's a- A whole episode. I thought we didn't talk about Jeff's triumphs. This is the perfect segue. We've talked about my fucking failures. Nobody's spoken to my merits, right?

Let's talk about how in spite of my fucking TBI, I still coach, are we boring you, Amir? Yeah. What do you mean yeah? This is a fucking hit. No way, this has been a bad episode. Yes way, Yah way, right? Half of it was saying that you should edit better.

And half of it was a game you cobbled together from three sort of 10th bank ideas. We also talked about the fluids that I secreted into vials. We also talked about Casey's passing. I took a phone call, that was huge. And what about the fucking, I flipped you guys off and made a pun. You practiced that earlier and you said it better

off camera. Actually 2D Vance was pretty good. I wasn't gonna say anything, but 2D Vance was a fucking 10 out of 10. 2D Vance was your best joke in a while. I just, I think. You should, the episode should just be that. This isn't a sketch. This isn't a sketch.

This is a 45 minute episode. It's okay if there's lulls of five to eight minutes at a time. Then it can be the fucking three minute clippable social shit. How's that any different than segments? I'm curious how the listeners of the show will respond to us dubbing a movie scene. Yeah, especially if you're just listening.

Or the second time. Okay, the movie scene part didn't go great, but Anya's scene was all right, and Amir's was really good. MySpace? MySpace. MySpace. Yeah.

I think Losers deserve better. I think this was a plug. This was a fire episode. I think this was a hit. I think there were some really choice jokes. Was it a fucking classic? Remains to be seen. But was it a good enough episode to pacify

not only Casey but the audience? Yeah. And I think this- Even though they've been really mean to me in the comments, they're ripping me apart out there. Really, still? Don't be mean to Anya in the comments. You can say what you want.

What are they saying? Is it really mean or is it fake mean? I'm not gonna stop coming on the show. What's up? Is it like real mean or is it like they said something? No, it's actually, they were really mean last week. People came to my defense, but it was cool. Those listeners, they're really cool.

No way. I have to read the comments as a producer on the show. I kind of do because that's how I kind of understand what we need to improve, for example, the editing. My greatest allies are in the comments. The other week I did say that I was like, yeah, not every week has a great outline, I get that. But sometimes I do bring good shit to the table and everybody shoots it down in the room on the Zoom and listeners agreed with me. I wonder. Yeah.

We could all agree to disagree on what you bring to the table. Really? That was a Hid Gum Original.