The Headgum Podcast - 214: Delve or Shelves

Episode Date: July 26, 2024

From the mind of "2.D. Vance," comes an episode that Geoff kind of botched entirely. But also everyone refused to participate. Arguing ensued, just watch!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a Headgum Original. Previously on the Headgum Podcast. I ordered these last night as I was outlining the episode. Those came to us from, I think a restaurant called Seville. Oh, okay. That's like kind of a fancy restaurant. Yeah. And he ordered it last night. It was Doc's Oyster Bar. Okay- It was Doc's Oyster Bar. Okay.

It was Doctor Oyster Bar. No one knows where these clams came from. And you said you ordered them last night? Is that a pre-order situation? I think it has to be a pre-order. Exactly right. So I had to have the foresight. That's why you texted me last night, what's the sweet number for the-

I forgot you were on this episode. I thought you were on the one at 3 p.m. I thought that Amir was gonna be on in studio here with me so no Emma could have read the Description of well, new stew, it's called G Eat blue chew, for your pee I can tell that we are gonna be fiends Yes, I can tell that'Brien needs a fiend. Right? I don't know. Marika, what?

The reaction was so good. What do you mean so good? He did nothing. No, he was like, that's nothing. It tickled me. He did nothing. No, he was like, mm-hmm. I said, Eminem, man. That's nothing. Really, it tickled me. All right, the song's gonna play again, and we each have to go down the line saying

how we feel about becoming Jeffrey O'Brien's fiend, starting with Marika. Over the song, or after the song. Yeah. Just how do you feel about being my fiend? Over the song? Or after the song? Just how do you feel about being my fiend? I feel... ...ill at being your fiend. Gianna? I don't think I want to participate in this one.

I might also take a knee. I didn't know that was an option. The episode just started and now nobody's participating whatsoever, right? Sure, but at least for Gianna and I, we just had to listen to you play different sound effects nonstop for five minutes straight, waiting for Amir. And it was really loud, and I was trying to, you know, do my emails and stuff. Yeah. Same.

But her emails. How is that my fault? While we're waiting for Amir, because he was late, by the way. You don't know, you can take your headphones off. I was testing audio, and there's no way to do that on you, because I'm sharing the fucking aural. You weren't testing audio because you weren't sharing your computer sound, and I told you that, and then you just, for at least 30 seconds straight after, sat there blank faced clicking more buttons.

Yeah, you did. I assume kind of doing some sort of bit where you don't listen to me because nobody listens to me. What did you say? What did you say? I said, Jeff, can you please stop? Stop testing sounds, by the way. You just said that you had to sit through five minutes of me testing out sound effect buttons blaring through your ears distracting you from looking at your emails

But you just said that I wasn't even sharing audio so I was coming or we started because Amir was late I'm fucking trying shit out trying to re-up the soundboard a little bit try to get some more of this kind of thing going right okay I kind of wanted the whole song to go yeah it felt like it was the beginning of something what about that I heard. These are some good ones. Do you guys aren't you guys too young to know what dial up Internet sounds like if you were born in the late 90s? I know. I mean, I love it. I don't remember.

You never used it. Yeah, I know of it. I used it. Did you ever. I don't know if I used it or not, but I know that sound and I know that sound from childhood, not from people referencing it now. Interesting. That sound would ring. Sorry. That sound would ring through the hallowed halls of a Bainbridge, Ohio, Montz.

It's tough sometimes. Yeah. Anywho, right? We have some stuff to get to today. I'm not going to say it's a lot. Let's start with this. What's in Gianna's kinshin? That's pretty good, right? It's a fucking coin toss this show that I said that and you guys crack up and love it.

But I start things with a fucking original song and a premise for the show. And everybody's like, I'm not gonna participate for some reason. I participated and I was on the first one. Gianna, what's in your kinship? I guess that's an- The fridge, it's right behind me. Do you mind?

It's on fire. Hold up, zoom in, let's open behind me. Do you mind? On fire. Third, zoom in. Let's open the fridge. There's. Do you actually want me to open my fridge? I wouldn't mind. I mean, it's obviously about what's in your kitchen. I'm not doing this is bullshit.

Sorry. This is fucking bullshit. Yeah. I feel like. I feel like you sometimes post good like food photos, though. Yeah, I do. I literally like you sometimes post good food photos, though. Yeah, I do. I literally don't have any groceries right now, though, so that's why, that's honestly why I'm not opening my fridge, because it would be really embarrassing. Amir, what do you got in your kinshin, then? I'm at the office.

Marika? I'm also at the office. This sucks, dude! There's stuff! Let's see your kinshin, I guess. Yeah, you're in your house. I don't know. Show me your house. I'm also at the office this sucks, dude Your kitchen I guess Your house I don't want to the kinship

If I get up my computer is gonna die I have reasons for not getting up and I also have reasons we all have reasons for not getting up Mine are the most valid next to Amir's and Marika's Yours is written the same room Mine are the most valid next to Amir's and Marika's. Yours is in the same room. But she doesn't have a groceries to share. I also have headphones in. Yeah, that's true. Wired ones. We're all tethered.

I was going to say we're tethered. And isn't that the problem always? Biden has COVID. Biden has COVID zero. And I'm wondering how you guys think about feel about. His. Efficacy as a young

hung stud. Efficacy. Just how much is he going to work in like a real world scenario? Did you see he tweeted or like rather his team tweeted, I'm sick. And then he replied to that and was like, I'm sick of Elon Musk putting his nose in politics or whatever, but like the quote retweets are funny. That's actually really good.

It was like, I'm sick. And the quote was like, I told you not to go through his phone girl. Long legs. Has anybody seen that? Marika? I'm assuming you have? No, I don't see horror movies. And I think if you were really a good friend, you'd know that about me. Because I would follow you on letterbox? Just like you would know that I'm too scared to see horror movies. Okay. And we've talked about that before.

I haven't seen it, but I do really want to. It's hard to bond with everyone at the office when I'm not invited on the off sites anymore. That's not where we're really how talks about our distaste for horror movies. Yeah, I was going to say the late night conversations are also said anymore. Like you went one time. Yeah, that's true. Well, there's three. There's three, which means that at one point in time, I was like, it was hard, right?

Because I was worried I had COVID, but I didn't. You shared a room with Johnny. I know I didn't even get my own fucking place yet. It's your order. You did get Johnny I know, I didn't even get my own fucking place. Piedatiro or other way. And you did get Johnny sick, right? Didn't you get COVID? I think it's hard because I think people wanted to like pair the young brown guys together, you know, even if I had been

there with my guy, I wouldn't have been as fear. As what? I wouldn't have been as fear. As fear? I was afraid in a way. Be fear. Kelly Ripa compares pimples to nipples and despises the Gen Z pimple patch trend. Thoughts on that?

I... Guys, we have to get the energy up. We have to get it up. Amir's looking at other shit. Gianna just woke up from a nap and Marika's not even trying to be upbeat. It's hard. I'm actually... I'm on amphetamines right now, so that's crazy of you to say. We're also...

We're not giving you a lot, but that headline was also kind of a nothing burger. Yeah, I mean, I love Kelly Riba. I think she's great. I used to watch that show all the time when I was homeschooled. But that's a crazy take. I need energy. I am giving you plenty. It's also.

Yeah, because your microphone keeps unplugging, which is another thing I told you when you were pretending to not listen to me. This episode has bad Thursday energy. BTE. You're going to. Yeah. Actually, I have a bone to pick with you. Gianna probably has the same bone to pick with you. You scrapped the last episode that we were on together. That one was garbage.

Oh, you recorded a full episode that you didn't release? Yes. Not every episode is going to get released. It's happening again. It's happening again. And it's your fault. It's not my fault. I have stuff.

I have stuff and I'm bringing stuff up. You're not saying anything in response. We literally are. No, you're not. Not enough for a podcast. You say something and then you complain after immediately. This is insane. What I'm getting blamed for this. Literally everyone here did what everyone yells at me for today. Amir was late as hell. He was 15 minutes late. Anya was supposed to show me how to run Riverside before this. She was 28 minutes late. Don't bring- That's irrelevant right now. Yeah, that is completely irrelevant. My point is that everyone's doing what they get on my case about for-

The topics? And then today- I have a question. Yeah. Did you edit the video now for the episode that was not released or it ended? And you're like, I'm not even so bad in the room on the zoom. It wasn't bad. It was fine. It was neutral. It was flat. Talking about shit isn't interesting. We have to get into the podcast is.

Oh, God, we're going to have to scrap this one. We're going to have to get into the joke. That's what a podcast is. Oh god. We're gonna have to scrap this one We're gonna have to scrap this one Anya's coming in. Anya's coming in to save the day I texted her saying help. You're saying talking about shit isn't interesting? No, it isn't interesting enough Not for the show. Also the whole point of the show is that it's bad. And like how can something be so bad that it can't even be on the bad podcast? There's bad that's entertaining bad. There's bad that's entertaining bad. And then there's bad where it's just like flat. It's flatlining and the whole show is dead. The show is gone, gone. The content isn't there. There. I get it. Everyone else has real jobs at this shit. But I'm hitting a breaking point with the blaming it on me that there's not enough content there. But I'm hitting a breaking point with the blaming it on me that there's not enough content there. You asked us about nipple pimple patches.

And then brought up something that we can't talk about because you forgot something. Before that. And we responded to all of it. I started the episode saying it was going to be another episode of Jeffrey O'Brien needs a fiend and all of you guys said you just Refused to participate. I don't know what that means. And yeah, so be curious about it I'm not curious about it. I don't want to know what it means Right? And that's what makes it a bad podcast Don't say be curious about it

I have a good segment for later that The show's going so poorly I want to save it for another episode and I might Though the way your brain works is baffling so six minutes in you're like, I'm out I'm gonna So six minutes in, you're like, I'm out. I'm gonna start punting. Six minutes in, I'm out? 30 seconds in, you guys said you were out. I get that I am not always prepared for the shit. I'm saying it's snake eating its own tail,

chicken or the egg at this point, because now people expect so little that they don't participate at all. I just don't understand why you're mad. What's the segment that you don't want to do? You want to save it for better guests and who will be on the show? Even before that. What else makes Jeffrey O'Brien needs a fiend? It's about talking about the success of the podcast, workplace squabbles, etc.

Stories from when we used to make Jeffrey the dumbass. Stories from when we used to. We still do. That's true, but on such an irregular basis that it's hard to keep the audience there. Right? I thought it was like one video a month. It's one headgum video a month, which means one headgum like Jeffree the Dumbass are off days every other month. Yeah.

As if we don't have the budget to do more. We don't. I'm trying to quit vaping. Haven't you said that before? Exactly. Probably. But this is, this is, um, 3.5% nicotine. and usually what I have is 5% nicotine. So, um...

To going down. But are you using it as much? Yes, if not more, because it's less nicotine. But I imagine that's still helpful. Mm-hmm. They have a 1% that I'm gonna go to after this. Will told us about a vape that he saw in London, because they just announced that they're trying to ban vaping,

where you put a cigarette into it and then vape. And we didn't understand what that meant or how it worked. I wonder if it's like those... I don't know if you guys know what I'm talking about. It's like a vape that you put like flour into like actual weed and it like vaporizes. Yeah, maybe it was that. I'm begging Anya to come in because she offered to come in to save the day. I said, yes, please.

Can you see? We could start over. Why should we start Jover? That's good. What is that? Jo over over like the good. What is that? Joe over like the disconnect? How is it going to be different? You not? Yeah, that's that's a good question.

How do you expect participation? We're all talking right now. Talking isn't participating. Then do what we need to participate in. Obviously, he doesn't want to burn the segment. This is I don't want to. I don't want to burn the segment. Then do what we need to participate in. Obviously. He doesn't wanna burn the segment. This is unbelievable. I don't wanna burn the segment.

Do something that elicits response. Okay, Anya's come. No, that's why I'm begging Anya! That's why I'm begging Anya to come in for a burst of energy! A burst of energy, dude! Anya's known for her bursts of energy? Oh my God, that's not doing something.

That's just changing the vibe. It's more something than this. Because you're not as the host doing anything. Because I'm waiting to get some kind of, what's the word, Some kind of direction, some kind of vibe between the four of us. We know that I don't date you a segment that I know is going to be good, because if it's going to be good, I want it to be Greek to all of us. New brand spanking on an episode that's going to be gold. Because if it's going to be good, it's gotta be vibe.

That's funny. That's really good, actually. Just do the fucking segment. No, I can't because this one took so much effort to get prepared. It has to be on a good episode. You don't have a segment. I would rather the episode that gets released be this. For another 40 minutes. Then why don't you just release the last one we did?

This is better than the last one we did, I have to say. The arguing is at least something. Wow. No, that's here. I can't believe it's the last episode. Now it's an intervention. I literally do not get what you're upset about. You're causing all of the problems that you're complaining about.

Because you... Gaslighting! No, you're gaslighting us. You are starting conversations. The whole show started with the note that you guys weren't going to participate. That you refused to even do it He didn't want to do that one thing Yeah two strikes and we're out, I guess.

And now you don't want to give us the real segment. And also, you haven't, you don't even let us get to it. If there's a modicum of a pause, because we're trying to figure out and parse through what you telling us Kelly Ripa not liking pimples is. Yeah, the best episodes are overlapping dialogue. So the slight pauses. You telling us Kelly Ripa not liking pimples is. Yeah, the best episodes are overlapping dialogue. So the slight pauses. Can you shut up?

Yeah. Commercial. Oh, yeah. Come back and everyone's best friends. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. Guys, I'm constantly comparing my life to others. best friends. lives look better than mine on paper and in person. But comparison is obviously the thief of joy and we're all trying to be it instead. Because it's easy to envy other people's lives, but you don't know what their life is actually like. It might look like they have it all together on Instagram, but honestly they probably don't.

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I don't know. I asked you to be quiet because I could not hear myself think and I couldn't figure out where I was going anymore. You were just saying overlapping dialogue. I was going to say overlapping in a way. Yeah. This is should we do? Should we do a bond of the week? Yeah.

Gianna, who's your Bond of the Week? Or should I say Gianda? Don't say that. My Bond of the Week is your cat. Yeah. She was doing some real. Where is she? Mission Impossible type of stuff back there on that one. Yeah. Trying to get that. She's got the acrobatics.

She's got the the training and the flexibility to be James. My only fear is that she doesn't have the look. Oh, yeah. I can't believe this slash you. What's happening on you? They say they needed on your K to come and save the frigging day when she joined the zoo. I said, hallelujah.

That's so beautiful. Halley zoom. Yeah. Hallelujah. That's so beautiful. How is your yeah. Yes, you on your zero. How many of your songs on the Shrek soundtrack?

That's how I first heard it. Yeah, me too. That was the first time I ever heard that. So, yeah. Wait, the Shrek soundtrack? That's how I first heard it. Yeah, me too. I was just going to say that. That was the first time I ever heard that song. Wait, the Leonard Cohen version? Look at the energy. Since Anya came in, overlapping dialogue. Gianna smiled for the first time as soon as Anya got here. I'm sorry.

He's mad at us for no reason. I'm genuinely pissed at everybody. This has never happened before. He sent me some really SOS type texts and I'm only here to figure out If there's any merit to what he said, it's his fault. It's his fault. Okay, that's what I figured I really know everybody's ganging up on me. He's like usually how it goes. Yeah, he's really adamant That's not his fault But he's complaining that this is a bad episode and he won't debut a segment that he quote unquote worked really hard for because we're not giving

enough in this episode. Because so far, so far it's unusable what we have. Not really. So there is no episode so far. You just said it was actually usable. I don't think anyone, and actually I'm guilty of this as well, but as a good note to you, Jeff, I don't think anyone listening likes when you're constantly referencing how bad the episode is as it's happening.

I agree, but I'm saying... You should stop doing it. That's not that hard to just stop. Yeah. It's starting now. Starting now, you're not doing it. Yeah, try and see what happens. Also, the part where Marika told you to shut up was really funny.

Yeah. She said she told you to shut up and then we cut to break. That was an all-timer. Yeah. That was a great moment. It was fine. So the episode's good. Yeah, I think so.

I think it's been okay, and I think Jeff should do the segment that he planned. I agree. If there is such a segment. What are you, a coward? I think he's a coward. Are you scared? Maybe he's scared that the segment's bad. Oh, interesting.

But he's bluffing a lot and saying it's really good. Questioning whether there's a segment at all. Same. That's bad. Oh, interesting. He's, but he's bluffing a lot and saying it's really good. Questioning whether there's a segment at all, same. That's fair. I think he is a coward, yeah. I was really mad on that one episode where it was just questions. That was a good episode.

People liked that one. I don't think so. Anya, do you know that the, Jeffrey scrapped an episode with Gianna and Marie Kahn? Yeah, because she was the fourth guest on it. Yeah, I was on that one. Wasn't it terrible? That one's in the vault.

And you decided, you know what we need to save this? A re-assembly of that cast plus a mirror. It's already going better. But I was already here. Because we told you to stop complaining that it's going bad and you did. It's not going better because of that. It's going better because Anya's here and there's more energy in the Zoom. Yes, you're the only one who came in with any energy.

How many episodes have you not released? Has that happened before? I think you don't understand what energy is. I do. I really do. Because I go through the record understand what energy is. I do! I really do! Because I go through the record and I edit it. So there's three episodes out there that have never seen the light of day? Yeah, those are in the vault. You have to pay it. You can Venmo me money and I might release one or two.

Is there the files for it still? I will never release it even privately. Basically, those episodes you have to buy the rights to and because that's the way the deal will be brokered, it's like 10 grand per episode. Does that make sense? And then of course a cut off the top from the producers on the show. I was going to say a cut off the top, yeah, for the producers on the show.

Yeah. Which is actually... half of us here. More than half. I wouldn't even mind. Yeah, so once you kind of divide it up, you're only getting a couple hundred max. Well, there's no way that it's a majority, right?

It has to be 10% per producer, which I wouldn't mind giving away 40. Why are you saying that? Well, it's hard because 4,000, right? Let's say we get four cuts of 10% to a producer. Okay, but then what about the cut for being the talent on the show? So that's like, I'm getting, I'm double dipping into that pot. Anya's like looking over her shoulder a lot.

She's inches away from having to leave. Like, it looks like you broke into an office. Can you believe who's even in the office today? It's crazy. It's Phineas O'Connell, right? Well, we don't like to name names, but there are some A to A minus list celebrities. Two time Oscar winner. Two time Oscar winner, thank you. And here's why I'm looking, is because but there are some A to A minus list celebrities

going about it. Two time Oscar winner, thank you. And here's why I'm looking at this, because my plan is to ask him to be on the Headgum podcast before he leaves. Tell him I met him at House of Pies. I'm not going to. Jeffrey. What?

Okay, wait. What if he fucking comes out, Anya exits and says, will you be on this other podcast? She drags him into that studio. Okay, if Phineas O'Connell guests on the show for five minutes, I'll do my segment. How about that? Wait, wait, wait.

It's not I'm saving it for another episode. Can I say something and we're going to have to cut it? Have you guys seen that his girlfriend looks just like Billie Eilish? Yes, of course. Everybody knows that we don't have to cut it. Just OK. That's weird, right?

Like, we're all on the same page. That's weird. Oni, did you tell him that we sat next to him at that place? And then I think we have replaced him. I see. Did you guys exchange? Holy shit. That's the Phineas meter.

It's off the charts. He must be approaching. Anya, Anya, who's it? What's in your kitchen? What? Anya, what's in your kitchen? Out of broccoli. Oh, kitchen?

You know what? We have, well, cause the doughboys are doing like a veggie focus month. There was a lot of random produce. Is that what you're asking? I'm about to have in a side bowl. Is that okay? Like on the from where do you mind nature well? Yum, it's got nature wells. I would say yeah, it's I finally had oak berry on you. Oh my god. How was that? Yeah, it's not very good. Do you guys have fire here now?

Yeah, we have them here. Oh you have them there? They started at like the Jersey Shore And then they like randomly the past couple years have been like everywhere. Yeah. Fly who? I don't know what that is. Yeah, fly a bull. Can I actually, uh, Never heard about it. Say a conspiracy theory, that I have heard. It's not a conspiracy theory, but I just Don't understand where all- It's not about the Trump-

You don't think he was actually hit by a bullet? You think it was from the teleprompter? I thought it was a bus. You thought it was a bus? Yeah, I don't think he got hit by a bullet. I think it was a bus. Small little bus. My was just about not even that small.

Yeah. What is Marika's conspiracy theory? It's I just don't believe all of these chain restaurants are real things. What do you mean? Wow, cool. Like you think they're friends? They're like, goes in our imagination. Yeah, I think there's something weird about them because there's a bunch in New York that has kind of popped up from nowhere, where it's like, I don't know what the origin of

this chain was, and suddenly there's like five around the city. And at least Plyable is one that now you've confirmed the origin. Yeah. Um, I agree. It's a weird sort of thing where it's like. Another wave of fast casual restaurants. I feel that way about Sweet Green. I don't know who the fuck is eating at Sweet Green.

We are in this office. The LA office. Oh, the fuck is eating a sweet green. We are in this off the island. Oh, really? But I have a Monday lunch. It's a classic lunch. It's like a it's a Monday lunch, but sometimes people will call it a Sunday lunch, even though it's on Monday because the S in Monday's town stands for salad. We've never. I can't wait to eat my bowl full of chickpeas.

Right. Keen Wad dressed greens with a side of trout. I just eat my bowl full of chickpeas. Right? Quinoa dressed greens with a side of trout. Yeah. You guys go to Sweet Green in the New York office? That's true. I do like the bowls. You like the... Not really.

It's hard because it has like a... I personally go to Chopped. I was going to say. With the quinoa and the arugula base I'll sometimes do. You got me chopped once when I was in the New York office. There's a few times where the greens almost get too sweet, wouldn't you say? The issue is that Marty only wants to go to Arowan and I never want to go there. There's a lot of joy sometimes when you go to Arowan, I was going to say.

I was really pressing Marty about Arowan on the offsite. I was like, so what is good about it? You can't get enough of that place. And he couldn't give me an answer as to what's good about it. Because it's expensive. it. It's expensive Well, it's Apparently is that is that it's expensive sometimes it's about getting the name right so it'll be like Oh, I didn't want the off-brand Lexus

I wanted the off-white Lexus right drive that shit over to the aero on instead of the off-brand aero on which is known as Trader Vons and a ton of people are there that are congregating. It's a fashion show. It's a fashion show. It's a fashion show. And it's also a fascia show because the scar tissue is off the charts. I think we have some Trader Vons in Philly. Is this the segment?

No, I'm shelving the segment. I was actually going to ask you to comment on my new shelves. I love the shelves. The shelves are great. The shelves are demoralizing what Jeff said was demoralizing. We're in our new studio storage room. So instead of shelving the segment, you should segment the shelves. So turn those shelves.

Okay, so let's make something out of this. Yeah. Exactly. Turn these frowns upside down. Turn this fucking shelving... into a segment. They're the shelves. All right. Welcome to...

Shelf talk. Shelf healing. That's good. Let's shelve it. Shelf esteem. Feeling shelfish. It is kind of fucked up that I'm never on this show. And the past two times I've been on this show.

I agree. He's sabotaging it. It's because you make him nervous. You are younger and cooler. And that usually doesn't happen with employees at Hedgum. That's why it's easy to do this when Piles on. He banked on being the youngest and coolest for so long. And now you're here.

Yeah. I would like to think that I am a somewhat beloved figure on this show. You would... You holding that vague... Yeah. You're bringing... You're making Hencombe Podcast relevant for the first time in 200 plus episodes. Why are you so quiet now, Jeff? Because before...

Because I'm coming up with a fucking segment based on shelves. Because I'm coming up with a fucking segment based on shelves. Welcome to Delver Shelves. Basically, I'm gonna... Um, no, uh, we're gonna delve into each other's pasts. And if you don't want to answer the question, you can take that question, put it on the shelf for the next person.

So basically it's double or nothing. Sorry, let me finish. It's double or nothing. So if I ask Marika a question and she's like, that's too personal, I don't want to answer that. It has to be shelved for the next person. So then Gianna gets asked two personal questions. And then if Gianna passes on those, it's basically like, don't,

you know, don't fuck over the next person. Yeah, in a way. Well, Delver shelves. Yeah. OK. On your left. But I guess the shelves are still in frame. She'll be back. Ready? Yeah. Ready.

All right. Let's start with Amir. When was the last time you came having had so arrived somewhere with lunch already having already eaten lunch? Yeah. I visited my parents this weekend in the afternoon, and I had already lunch. You didn't want to. You didn't want to shelve that.

No, I'm fine divulging that information. Okay. Marika, who's the last person in your life that you searched for on Instagram? Um. Just show. What how would you call it? This is exactly what you did the entire beginning of the episode as I take too long to answer and you get mad. My list of all of my searches, none of them are people that I know. They're all celebrities or hashtags or a brand.

Is that Phineas? Sorry. Anya! Who's that? Matt Walsh? Yeah. Really? Bring him in here. Why don't you get Matt Walsh in here for the...

If any celebrity that's in the office comes over, I'll do the segment. But otherwise, it's getting shelved. Turn the camera slightly so we can see. What's the... Giana, what would you say? What's... Yeah. Yeah. None of these are good. Look how fucking nervous he is when you talk to Gianna.

For me and Marie, it's like quick questions, no big deal. It's like quick cuts. Yeah, but I guess, I guess you could say, I can hear, I'll shelve mine and you give it to Gianna. Okay, Gianna, who's the last person in your life that you looked for on Instagram, searched for on Instagram, rather? I have an answer to this. This morning, I looked for my friend Melanie's. I searched her on Instagram

because she's on vacation in Europe right now, and I wanted to watch her Instagram story of her Europe vacation. That's cool. And what's one thing you would change about yourself if you could? Delver's Shelf. I think I would probably for other people's sake, make myself less like funny, sexy, you know, all that.

You just want other people to have the s***? For other people to like have a shot. I was gonna say, yeah. Anya, is that Phineas? Anya? Is that Phineas? Well, he said yes to being on a headgum show, but not with you specifically. I have a question for Gianna.

Yeah, what's your question? How are youngsters these days using Instagram? Are they posting to main ever? Yeah. I think it's Pinterest. I don't even use, I had a Finsta when I was in college and I don't use it anymore. It's nice that you're free enough to have just one.

Yeah. It seems like it's stories or nothing now a day. I like a story. And not even that. Sorry, one second, Jeff. Yep. I like a story. I'm not the biggest poster. I will only post my best moments, and I will admit to that freely.

Your best moments are really good, so that makes sense. Thank you. Yeah. I think a lot of people do dumps, right? Yeah. I do that sometimes, but only like I'll only... I'm not posting anything ugly. and dumps, right? I'm not invited. We have to limit it the amount of people we could invite. Otherwise it's just you have 400 people there and you're paying like the company's not that big. I also think the general etiquette is like if you're going to invite some people from work, you have to invite everyone from work. Yeah, I actually agree with that.

Well, what I did was I made a cut off with how long you've been working here. And it was like if you worked here before the pandemic, it seems like you were more grandfathered into the invitation. how long you've been working here. And it was like, if you worked here before the pandemic, it seems like you were more grandfathered into the invitation. It was just an accident, right? No, you didn't what you're saying. That sucks for you, Gianna. Everybody at the wedding, I had to have known before I knew about COVID.

Exactly right. It's hard because the costs add up. I mean, I know that there was like the salmon bar, but that's a lot of salmon. You showed up. With a gun, yeah. You were Riley's plus one, which she did not have. Raw, smoked, cooked.

There was a ton of raw salmon because it was like a sashimi. It also ended up being the whole wedding was kind of omakase because we all had to kind of trust that you guys loved each other. Nizawa, yeah. Yeah. Do you ever do omakase, Jeff, or do you just talk about it? Oh, my God. Anya's energy is goodhyr, you just talk about it. I... My God! Anya's energy is good.

Actually, this is a perfect idea. That's a genuine question. Oh, sorry. I thought you were sort of antagonizing him. It can be both. That's true. Did I miss Olive, Shelve, or Delve? Uh, you missed three-fourths of it. I know, you stopped it, yeah.

It wasn't normal? You have to ask Anya a question. Delver's Shelf didn't really work. Okay, well it's weird because you came up with it on the spot, right? Exactly. I think I've done Omakase once or twice, but I don't do it regularly. You don't even remember? I did it. I know I did it. I've done it twice.

You're making it up right now as we go along. No, I've done it once in Sherman Oaks and I did it once with my like industry. Sherman Oaks has omakase? Marika, you don't know the sushi sheen out here. The sushi sheen? The sushi sheen, yeah. You don't know the sushi sheen, sheen. You don't get the sushi, do you?

You know that you can actually, yep. No, continue, continue. I was going to say sheen has kind of an Omokase deal going on where you can trust that they're going to send you the right jeans. Okay. That wasn't funny. So what I was going to say was, um, I went out to dinner recently, um, with Johnny and some other people and he made us play, um, Rosebud Thorn, which he said was a Jeff classic.

It's like a world classic. I didn't come up with that shit. I've never heard of it before. Wonderful. Have you guys found it easier to breathe since Pyle got out of New York? No. You don't feel like he was maybe part of the reason for the smog? I think Amir finds it easier to breathe since he had that balloon thing in his nose.

Yeah, so what was that? That was like a rhinoplasty. You have a deviated septum? It wasn't. I guess my septum, which is the middle part of your nose, which like can be angled and closing one of your nostrils in either direction, was aligned. I did not have a deviated septum. What I did was have a lot of like tissue in the nostrils which prevented an open airflow.

So I was able to get a balloon sinoplasty which is they put the balloon in there and inflate it and it like cracks the walls of your nasal cavity open and then they remove the balloon and those cavities stay open and then in addition to that, they're able to do like a turbinate reduction, which is like, they make the whatever tissues, which are also in your cavity narrower

so that everything opens up even more. It's just kind of like a popper. You've reached your limit on talking. Shut the fuck up. I thought that you had a deviant septum, because one nostril was like pegging the other. No. How long were you sitting on that sound bite?

That's so funny. I can't believe you haven't played it before. That one's new, that one's for today, and it's fucking, yeah. A sound board's worth a thousand words. Jeffrey got it from his better help therapist. Marika's straight up on Slack doing other work. This is what I'm talking about, Anya.

It's not her fault, it's yours. You weren't here earlier, it got better after you got in here. Yeah, because you stopped complaining. Plugs, next week's episode's gonna be unbelievable because I'm gonna do the segment that I had prepared. And actually I'm gonna add to it. Is that really the end? That's all we're doing?

It's been 45 minutes. No, it's not mean. It's not mean. It is mean. What would be mean is release- You're being mean to me and Gianna. It is. People wanna see me, Jeffrey.

I'm a star. Jeff, you're the host. I know. You weren't here. You weren't here. I had... She'll see. She'll see. I also feel very confident that if anyone dropped the ball here in hosting the show, and the vibe of the show... Is this for tomorrow or a week from tomorrow?

A week from tomorrow. You think we could...we have more time to edit it into something. Usable. At this point, I think it's usable, but I doubt Jeff does. Jeff, you have to release this one. Are you kidding? You have to do your segment that you're this segment. No, he's not doing it.

At least I do. I am saying this with all in all sincerity, Jeff. Your one job is to bring the energy of the show. And like host these people. I feel gaslit. I truly feel gaslit by this episode. And we also feel gaslit. I don't know. We're at an impasse then because I do bring energy. I know that I don't always bring a great outline,

but I did bring a good outline. You can't get it out. It's not about the outline. You have to meet your guests where they are and get it out of them. That's like, we pay you money. I was about to say none of us except for you, our podcasters, but that's not true.

I'm not a podcaster, so. Amir barely counts. That's unbelievable. Yeah, you're right. You're supposed to like help Gianna along in this. Yeah. That's the whole concept of the show. And immediately you were mad at her because she didn't know the joke that you had planned. That was an episode you did one time before. And because of that, she said she didn't want to participate. Yeah, I was going to say.

Like, what the fuck is that? Yeah, Stoneman exclaimed it. End of episode. I feel hopeful. That's good. But this episode will air next Friday. I wonder what it'll call it. Marty.

So what are you gonna do, Jeff? Are you gonna gather a new group of people that are so much better than us? It's Phidias. Here's Phidias. Oh, hello. Hello. Wow. Right there.

That was a Hidgum Original.