The Headgum Podcast - 222: Whose Twine Is It Anyway?

Episode Date: September 20, 2024

Geoff joins Jake, Micah, Marika, and Emma for the first show of his New York residency to discuss the oldest restaurant in the world, urchins, and play Fact or Fiction: Bible Edition!» FOLLOW Micah on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/micahhurwitz/ » FOLLOW Jake on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/jakehurwitz/ » FOLLOW Marika on Letterboxd: https://letterboxd.com/marikaelon/ » FOLLOW Emma on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/emmarosefoley/Rate The Headgum Podcast 5-stars on Apple PodcastsRate The Headgum Podcast 5-stars on SpotifyJoin the Headgum DiscordSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Find what peaks your imagination. Sign up for a free 30-day Audible trial and your first audiobook is free. Visit audible.ca to sign up. Hey everybody, Zach Dunn here. You may have heard me on the HeadGum podcast a week or two ago, and I just want to say I'm sorry. I went into that podcast with a goal, which was to not have vocal fry when I was speaking. It's been brought to my attention that I did have vocal fry for much if not all of that episode and I just wanted to say from the bottom of my heart I'm sorry and I'm gonna do better. I'm working on it and you may not

hear from me soon but next time you do hear from me, it's gonna sound a whole lot smoother. Enjoy the episode. Oh! Oh! She was born for this. I'm gonna need my down a lot. Yeah, pretty good.

You can turn mine down. And usually I hit him immediately with like an applause. You'll get it. You'll get it right. I'm here I'm in New York for eight weeks Emma And we're getting off to a rocky start. I'm assuming you'll be on every record On the soundboard It was flying by on the soundboard New York shitty edition right we're back at it again with the the white man's and the brown glands I Finally made it to the the the the city of our

The city of our bill will have the banks, right? Huh? They're in the same spot. See you on it when I get Francis Tavern after this or yeah, where is that? It's the oldest restaurant in the world New York, which is the world? Yes, which is the center? Yeah exactly. Exactly right. The gravitational center. The oldest restaurant in the world. Marieke, I just have one question before we start. Do you not respect my time? No. Really? Also-

I wasn't expecting honesty. Yeah, I was in a meeting. That's true. And Jeff came up to the glass door, held his phone up, and it said, do you not respect the start time of the episode. But people were not in here. Like I could hear everyone from the previous recording.

They were millying about. Yeah, millying. Millie Tamera's ring about. Millying and eliciting about. That's in a way. Shout out Go Touch Grass, which was, yeah. Again, that's kind of a time, Emma, that you could have done the applause, but that's okay.

She's doing so well. I just finished setting camp. That's true. The other episode ran over. I'm sorry that we're late. Can we get the, yeah. The phone message actually should have been for Emma and Go Touch Grass. Do you not respect my time? Well, it's hard because I just, I do respect theirs.

It's hard because Emma's already doing a lot for you. Yeah, emotionally, physically, tangibly is really what I meant with the the production stuff. Yeah, but you said double-oh-seven Button that'll be a red button on the first page It's hard because the train that we've left the station right the non uploaded and I took my headphones off because it doesn't seem that important. It doesn't even matter. Right. Yeah.

It'll be like 007, yeah. Bond of the Week. Yeah. I like to be able to hear it from everyone else's headphones. That's the other thing that people often say. I like to do this segment as a way to kind of ease people, basically, you know, get everybody's social lubricant applied before we really get into some shit. We've got a lot of segments to get to

and a lot of them involve things that we've never done before. Until then, Albert Hurwitz. Who's that? Your unborn second kid. Albert? I have to assume Albert. No way, it's not Bert.

Interesting, actually, because my grandfather's name was Abraham. That's good. So, and in the Jewish tradition, you do often name somebody after a relative with a letter. You don't have it doesn't have to be a it could be Al and people they call him out. I almost yeah, I almost fear if it's Albert. Why would you fear that you suggest going to end up being bond? There's no way Albert Hurwitz is James Bond. I feel

like you would have to adopt a stage name by the time he was cast as Bond. That's true. Yeah. What about Marika Hurwitz? That's the stage name. Yeah. Just to get cast more.

I don't think that's going to work. You think Albert Hurwitz is going to be Bob. I think you think out a name like Albert Hurwitz. Yeah, it's a white man. So I think anything is going to be better than me. My dad's dad's name was Albert. Really? Yeah. So that's your grandfather. And he was a white man. So I think anything is gonna be better than me. My dad's dad's name was Albert really Yeah, so that's your grandfather and he was a brown man. Okay, actually was that the implication? Sorry. I'm getting pissed That Albert Hurwitz has to be white. Well, he does if it's Jake's. Yeah, you said it was my son. Yeah

Is you can adopt? Yeah, that's I was gonna say is Jill averse to adoption I'm sure she's not does she know that there's a lot of children that need homes. I she probably does know that Micah who you got for bond of the week Daniel Craig again Run it back Mike is like he was bought Run it back! Mike is like, he was Bond? Daniel Craig from Knives Out. The Bond that no one saw coming. Yeah, is Craig again. Yeah, that's true. Marika? You're obsessed with pop culture. It's okay. It doesn't bother you at all. I'll go with Danielig's co-star in the upcoming film adaptation of Queer by William Burroughs, which is going to be Drew Starkey, who's kind of my guy right now. Not related to Ringo, by the way.

I really thought he was Zach's cousin. You don't know the Starkey tree? I don't know. This is not North Carolina. I thought I was going to come to New York. I thought everyone was going to have more knowledge. I thought everybody was going to be more of a reader. Don't ever look to Mike up for comfort. He doesn't feel silences. He'll let you sit in it. Emma, who do you have for bond of the week? I'll do perfect distance from Mike

Me yeah, you wouldn't be is it sarcastic. I am the perfect distance from the mic really yeah Yeah, I think it's just that I can't hear you can't you're not you're not gonna be able to hear me at all And I can't hear me, but that's probably for the best. That's fair Well, we can work on that if you want, but you are coming through. We don't need to work on it. I'm going to export Marika's assembly track in stereo, just so that Grace can pan. My bond is going to be,

Marika, who is the little guy on your Slack? Oh, Leif Schreiber. Yes. Oh, that's good. Yeah, because I'm watching television for the first time in years. Should I watch it? Perfect Couple, me and my aunt were having fun. I think I would have fun.

I think you'd have fun. What's the Perfect Couple? It's a? Nantucket sexy murder mystery show. I love Nantucket. Nicole Kidman, we have Schreiber. Yeah. Megan Fahey. Doesn't she have like a

illicit affair with an intern? That sounds great. That's the baby girl, Harris Dickinson, who has been a pretty good friend to me. There's no new TV anymore. That's what I was going to say. There's really no new TV. I don't know what you're talking about. There's none.

There's none. If you stop watching TV, there's no new shows. I feel like that can't be true. It is true. Well, I guess no good TV. I really don't think there's any new good TV. Yeah. I mean, I would-

Yes, that's what I'm saying. It's caught up with us. There's nothing. I wouldn't call the perfect couple good, but I have no interest in watching good television. But I wouldn't call it a show either. Bond of the Week. It could be anybody, maybe even Albert Hurwitz. Lucas Bergvall.

Is that Bergdorf Goodman's bastard son? No, that is Tottenham's Swedish midfielder, 19 years old coming in off the bench around the 65th minute. But he is blonde and I'm in the mood for a James blonde. That's good. Yeah. Think about that. Is he hung or just handsome enough to offset the. He looks he looks like he's got medium build.

He probably has like a medium a medium penis, I think. Cool. has like a medium a medium penis I think cool Emma if we could just get some kind of transition sound you'll get it you'll get the hang of it it's the worst one it's the worst one it's binaural audio I thought that was sage needed help shit Guys here we are head come New York. I mean I already feel like a local I What's that? Can we not hear Casey's voice? That's what I kind of came here by the way is to not Put my headphones on are you gonna fuck around with the board?

Yeah, is it a little bit more fun when she does it. It's unexpected, and you don't even know what you're hitting Because they're labeled in an interesting way the first thing that I have to wax about is my time in the city oh can we get the eagle oh wow word of the day yeah you've said city several times that's for when pile says something. Right, yeah. It says eagle. I'll eat your ass. Come on. Usually we don't veer into oral smut on the soundboard. Yes we do, you put that on there. Could we get the eagle or is it buried? You want fart with extra reverb.

I want the thing that says eagle. That is a red button that says eagle. Yeah, I think just, yeah. Word of the God damn day for the love of God. City? City, yeah. Yeah. Cool. But if you guys don't have anything to say about my time here, I am going to be here for eight episodes. On Friday. We've also, we asked you a lot of questions about. You want someone to tee you up about talking about being in Bushwick? I don't mind. What are you doing in Bushwick, Jeff? You shouldn't talk about being in Bushwick.

I'm not in Bushwick. And I actually resent the implication. You're in East Williamsburg. Yeah. Much like Micah, I don't like to go past the, what is it, the Bedford stop? That's not what I said earlier. You said you wouldn't be caught dead lower than 23rd Street because of the diversity. I didn't say that. This actually takes us into a new segment.

Can we get some kind of like stinger? That's pretty good. No, it wasn't. That's the correct dinger. Yeah, we're gonna need that later. New segment, there was excitement. It was a ding ding ding. New segment, there's like show intro music. It's labeled a lot.

Any of the reds. Stick to the red button. You just got here. You just got to the city. You're yelling at Emma already. The color scheme is crazy. It's labeled a lot any of the reds you Scheme is crazy color scheme They're all like a full set One of the other buttons to stop all you had to do comma was follow Why would I know what that is?

Micah's dimes How many dimes do you have in your rucksack you maniac dude what is that what nasty man oh like how many what's his what's his kill count no how many fucking ten cent pieces do I have in my rucksack fucking yeah you're bad how much money is it condoms it's It's dimes! Am I crazy for this? I'm actually with Jeff on this one. It started so sexual. I mean look, I know I ooze sex. I think he's talking about how many coins you have in your backpack. Thank you for translating. I don't have any coins.

I thought you said rock sack. You don't have any dimes. In my backpack? I have zero dimes in my backpack. In your wallet you don't have any want me to believe you Yes, I have zero times my back your wallet you don't have any coins no coins Let's just move on that was supposed to be a whole ass segment asking about the dimes And if I had ten dimes what the rest would be great for the segment because you could have gotten and brought your rucksack In and we could have individually been like oh, I wonder what year this is from and then we could have been right or wrong This wasn't you said this was like a perfect segue into this.

Because we were talking about Micah's sort of racial quota for where he likes to hang out. Oh yeah, I thought it was gonna be like a dime square. Uh oh. Ding ding ding maybe? ["Ding Ding Ding"] ["Ding Ding Ding"] ["Ding Ding Ding"]

["Ding Ding Ding"] You're lying. ["Ding Ding Ding"] ["Ding Ding Ding"] ["Ding Ding Ding"] New novel title that I'm writing while I'm here. Yeah. Enjoying Down Trotting by Jeffrey Foley.

That's my pen name. Drop it, man. Foley, that doesn't, oh, whatever. What separates Headgum, New York from Headgum, LA aside from the location and the people being way better? It's kind of it. Yeah. We get seasons.

Yeah, there's like seasons, and you don't have to deal with like Marty. No parking. Yeah. Here? Yeah. You don't have to park. Oh, there's also not really great parking in LA.

It's kind of three spots, and Marty's G-Wagon takes up two of them. I was gonna say, yeah. It's kind of like, you know J. Lil' Knows Garage? Mm-mm. I really thought the cultural references would have a kind of like... I thought I was setting you up to do a Leno impression. You guys hear about cars? No I'm saying that the parking lot at the Head Gum LA office is kind of turning into Marty Michael's garage. He talks about them. He's like bashful about it. I texted him about his Porsche I said congratulations didn't know you were a company man. Yeah, I said that it's starting to rub off on me

And did he and he's think he's bashful. I think Right, I wonder if that's I wonder if that's shyness or something else I'm hoping it's social anxiety But I'm starting to worry. It's just my entire visage and the way I can talk to myself in a way. Is it because you had a bad. We're going to have to cut that out for sure. Is it OK to run through terror or would you rather rest during fear? Talk about fight or flight. And I wish it was that. This is almost less interesting.

Okay. Are you asking me? I'd prefer to rest during fear. Right. And yeah, I'm not surprised. Run through it is just address it head-on. Deal with it. I think you're, I think it's, you're reading too much into it. Yeah, we have to start taking these literally because he did actually just mean how many times So yeah, neither of these options are you addressing any run? I think run through it get it if you're afraid get it over with and out of the way. I wouldn't rest

I'm almost afraid to ask but do I have Ivy League energy? Yeah in the sweater for sure. Yeah, really? What about like yeah the things I say no things you say no I think that you have like ten words on the board every morning that you want to get in and you just slot them in Arbitrarily, that's how you use bashful You speak I have a note card You'll just pull them in you put them anywhere. I think I have safety school energy Yeah, because that's where like kind of the downtrodden end up. Yeah, right you didn't get into any of your reach Your mid-tier. Yeah, I was gonna mine vassar. I feel like that's where like a lot of I

Don't know people who are too dumb to be bad at sex go You know what I mean to dumb no to be bad at sex. The dumber, the guy, the better the lay in some way. Mike, I don't know what I'm talking about. There might be some truth to that. What did you say? I think there might be some truth to that. Yeah. That's why it's like every Hallmark movie is about somebody leaving their lawyer fiancee for like a dumbass mechanic. Right. Seriously though, how is everyone's health? I think you should write a Hallmark movie.

I just, Will Ferrell already did his bit where he was like, he did that or whatever, was in a Hallmark movie. So I'm like, I think it's not funny to write. You're comparing yourself to Will Ferrell? I'm comparing myself for Piers. We both technically went into Funny or Die once. No, I think everybody parodies Hallmark movies. I would want to write a really good one. Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

And that's the bit. Yeah. Is that it's like, this is amazing, right? And it's written by this fucker. Yeah, I think that'll be really good. But how is your overall health? GI, have you done a GI map test haven't okay? I had to mail a stool sample And actually I got one of those thorn tests because I wanted to check I wanted to check my thyroid

I've had to prick myself three different times because I'm just not able to bleed enough For the for the blood sample. Have you checked your cholesterol? I fear that it's congealing. No, it's not that. There's no sticky, icky. They want me to do it first thing in the morning when I wake up and I'm just like, my circulation isn't flowing enough.

Why in the morning? Why is the reason? I guess because I take a thyroid medication that will reset my thyroid. Hypo or hyper? I don't know the difference. know here the difference I think is a inactive inactive that's the one I have yeah that's tough yeah so I'm trying to try to see what's going on but yeah I've I've got no blood left for these guys I was really fucked up. Sorry about dating in New York.

Micah, you're engaged? No. Sorry, I didn't finish. Engaged in dating? Yes, correct. Correct. Marika, I keep asking how's your heart, and you keep saying like,

oh, I have genetically low hemoglobin. I'm like, that's not what I'm fucking talking about. I'm saying like, are you seeing anybody? Do you have your eye on anybody named Jason or Miranda? Miranda? I don't know, Miranda or Marika? What about Miranda Hurwitz? That's kind of interesting.

Yeah. Kind of a gender neutral Miranda. The nickname would be Brando. You're such a Carrie. You know that? I don't think, it's like, can you confer about that? And Emma's more of a Monica different show but still right? I've never seen that show

No, I don't think I know I think you're a Miranda yeah, I think maybe a borderline Miranda How's everybody feeling are you doing so far are you guys getting sick of it already? No, there's no glint in your eye. Why is sow meat so much grosser than cow meat? What is sow meat? Like pork. It's not grosser, I don't think. You'd rather have a pork chop than a steak?

That was the question. What do you mean? Grosser? You said so much grosser. Exactly right. It's not a... Okay. It's a leading question, but I think we can all agree.

Would you rather have a pork chop? It's a little grosser, I think. Thank you. I've never had either. Cold pork versus cold beef. Why does that have to be cold? I'm just saying... I think what you're saying is that maybe hot pork and hot beef is both good, but once they're

cold, cold beef is still good. Cold pork is better? Maybe hot pork and hot beef is both good, but once they're cold cold Like I think I might I probably rather have like a like a BLT than like a than a roast beef sandwich But is that because you're living vicariously through someone who sucks? It's because my fucking thyroid is terrible It's absolutely high. So you don't have the red meat. I know I have it all and I don't I don't think that either one is gross I really want to get a group together and try to get all 10 of Cozy Royale's dry aged burgers. They have 10? 10 per day. Oh, wait, what?

But then they have a burger. Yeah, but not the dry aged. Not the dry, they make 10 dry aged burgers. They sell out fast and bad. Bad? Often in south. Where is this? Cozy Royale on Humboldt and I want to say

Skillman I don't know concilia one of those yes this la or no no Williamsburg East Williamsburg technically Williamsburg actually the haters will say it's east yeah Skillman goes into East Williamson. Yeah, that's crazy. When should Gemma's headgun podcast debut be? I Think I mean never In an ideal world. She doesn't have to debase herself like I do. Yeah to earn a buck, right? Yeah, it's about the value of the company, huh? Like when you come on it's just really keeping the value of float.

It's not like a personal favor to me or to have fun. No. Oh, when I come on this, it's a personal favor to actually, I guess, probably to Marika more to make sure that she's the only one I mean to deal with. Yeah. Micah. Yeah. Because if I say no to Marika, she just has to wrangle somebody else. I get that. On that note, I'm about to cry. So let's take a break and

that. Um, on that note, I'm about to cry. So let's take a break and and we'll be right back. No sponsor I think because we're a hemorrhaging cash machine. Yeah. We're not doing well. On that note, I'm about to cry. Just any sound is fine.

No, it's the Hannah Montana. Uploaded on the uploaded tab. Oh, yes. I didn't know that was Hannah Montana. I thought it was a Backstreet Boy. No, it's Hannah Montana. ["Wheel of Urchins"] Wheel of Urchins!

Oh my God. Oh my God. Urchins! Oh my god, are you serious? I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Pfft. Pfft. Pfft.

What the hell is this? What the fuck? What the fuck? I was watching I was watching Joe Paraclips for fun. I was watching Joe Paraclips for fun Organic plug for something we can't announce I guess what? Just Dan and Joe singing Neil Young and then yeah

This is really I can't believe that's day funnier than anything I'll ever do. I know, it looks nothing like what I know him to be. That feels more correct. Yeah. Joe's pretty good. I love you with all my heart. Anyway, that would have been the perfect time for me to kind of wrangle Sage. Why do we not have unpaid interns? Because it's illegal But I wouldn't put it past these fucks at the top. Yeah Mike have you heard my new nickname? There's your nickname. Yeah, Brown Jordan

Geo R da n And what do you think that is a reference to? I have no idea. Air Jordan? The furniture company, Brown Jordan. Here we go, OK. This is Wheel of Urchin. I'm going to spin the...

I'm going to spin this wheel to see how many uni nigiris you guys are are gonna be going home with tonight well I hate uni yeah well I spent $201 I bet you did it's really expensive it's an expensive yeah it's an expense it's gonna come out of the fucking year-end taxes it's fine we have ten urchin sushi available for having and let's start with Emma and I'm gonna spin the wheel and see how many unigiris you're gonna be going home with tonight. Here we go! Three urchins!

Okay. Kidding me? Three urchins! Okay. Kidding me? There's not a game besides spinning the wheel. Is that not enough for you guys? When it was the wheel of urchin, I thought it was going to be like a fill-in-the-blank style thing about fish. I thought it was going to be like an Oliver twist kind of urchin. You wanted blood to seep under the door

You're a violent person And I've always thought this All right, they did send it all in one tin Okay, what you got ten she got three? Yeah, but how many did you buy? Well after this? There's only seven left that you can have we all gonna play the game? What if all of us got seven or eight? Then you get the rest! This game sucked, man. It was so ill thought out.

You didn't even get enough uni for everybody to have if they won. I was so scared. I sent the cat for 200 because that's what I thought I would be able to get reimbursed for if you guys felt bad enough for me Yeah, I don't think I don't see you getting reimbursed. Yeah, I don't either She's going home with three it actually smells really good and it's fresh as hell Well, you don't eat them all now. I'm saying do you want one now? Do you want them later? Oh With three it actually smells really good And it's fresh as hell Well, you don't eat them all now. I'm saying do you want one now? Do you want them later? They're only gonna get worse from here

Fine we'll just call dibs on the uni okay, I'll call dibs on right yeah, I guess three um We should go next this isn't even that exciting because I like every time to Yeah, I get to spin just click just click them okay there we go fixed it a little bit You dropped the uni on the thank God That's eight basically all of them have been. Only Marika and I can get one. Yeah. Whoever spins next, this is the drama of Wheel of Urchin, you have to get one or else the last person

gets no fish. Gets no fish. You go then, cause I don't want to. I don't want it either. Just hit the spinner. Let's go, Marika. Wheel of Urchin. It's growing on me, actually.

Oh no. Okay. See, you hate to see that, because. You could have gone home with a lot of Urchin. But ultimately, you'll just have to have two. Yeah. Which is a serving. I don't, I'll give them to Micah.

Thank you. Wow. So this't, I'll give them to Micah. Thank you. Wow. So this website, Wheel of Names. Yeah, I think usually it's how people name their children. Wow. Usually. My child wanted to. Okay, let's guess, oh wait no sorry. Eight or chin and seven or chin for your future.

Sorry, back. Oh no. That was Wheel of for your future. So we're back. That was Wheel of Urges! Can we get another show intro sound? Watch out, a denim company is going to play. What if I got the rice? Oh my god, this was a revelation company is gonna play. We're gonna fuck up the rice! Um... What? Oh my god, this was a revelation. I said it, I said it.

I was there. Turn it off! Oh, this is me. Sorry, I thought that was Emma. Um... We're gonna ruin some fish! Yeah. Hot fish!

Wow. That segment cost you $200. And it lasted four and a half minutes. That's true. It was only supposed to last five. So we're actually pretty good as long as we can sort of JD vamp for the rest of this shit. Can we get another intro song?

That was a pitch that you gave like a year and a half ago. What is this? Entourage. Welcome to whose twineine Is It Anyway. This is such a prop heavy episode. It's prop comedy. I've been watching a lot of Carrot Top. All right, everybody can cut their own twine

and then we're gonna mix them in the middle, close our eyes and guess who's twine it is. I'll go first just to break the ice. How do you win or lose? It's gonna have to depend on the edit, so I'll venmo you in a week if you won. Okay, that's mine. What the fuck? I feel like it's actually so easy to come up with like a fun game, introduce stakes. Thank you so much. And it's almost impressive.

Shut up. Okay, when you cut, can you cut on mic? Because there's a lot of people who only listen to the audio. Did you get Twine for this or did you find it and kind of back into it? No, we sent it to the office. It came before I got here today. The fact that he's like, yeah, it has the energy of like,

what should I do? Oh, here's some Twine, we'll do that. But yeah, the fact that you planned ahead. It was delivered to the office, not in a package or anything. A random man came to the door and said, for Joffrey. And then I did it to Zayas. And that's how you knew I was in New York.

Because nobody seems surprised when I walked in. On mic, sorry. Sorry. It's like you've never hosted a show before Mike Before her I also this feels like something you guys would do on segments I Resent that I think I mean it as a compliment Slowly trying to become drag men's this show or segments this show this show has always been drag men's which is just bad segment yeah Nice Emma This is like really labeled buttons

Yeah, I just need some time to warm up on the board. Oh It is like it's Oh God. Ow! It is like, it's, oh my God, don't throw that. Thanks. The twine is coming apart in my hands. Yeah, twine will do that to you. Yeah, so that one.

Maybe we'll get yours right. I can- Nice, that was really good. I can see everyone's twine. What is like, what are we gonna do? Here's mine mine twine Oh, you're gonna line it line Throw it in the center, and then it's like one of those games where something's under a cup, right? And so it's or maybe Emma should be the the judge in a way. It's like one of those games

Who said that? I already forgot. No, it's the, you know, where like a cat tries to figure out where like the fucking treat is under a fucking mug. Where's our cup? Yeah, I know that famous podcast game. No, we're just gonna put them in the middle and mix them around and then guess with what we're supposed to have.

I don't think this is gonna be as easy to tell in the edit as you think it'll be. How are we gonna guess who's right or wrong? I don't think this is gonna be as easy to tell in the edit as you think it'll be. What do you guys have to come up with then? Look, I'm just trying to run through fear. Let's do this. Let's put them all in. Run through terror, right? Sorry. And then, um...

Yeah. Okay, ready? We all know who's Marika is. Everybody close your eyes including them Now like my eyes are shut How I know which one is I don't know if it's right if someone guesses my toy lost one apparently yeah Tell me Emma whose twine is it anyway? With this first one, I guess Micah can guess because he's like going for it, man. You can guess Emma.

Whose twine is it anyway? I think that's my twine. No way. I think it's Jake's. I think it's Jake's. Okay. Don't say it like that. Yeah, I thought it was mine, but like how will we verify the comments or something?

The last one the last one's a better segment I think we're getting through power through terror yeah, yeah this one I think is Micah's And I tied a knot at the end to know which one it was mine that's so smart no It's not that's cheating That's against the rules. Cheating. There was never a rule about that. And then two pieces of twine. That's got to be Micah's. I think that, yeah.

And then I think mine is that one's mine. That one's mine because it looks really good. I don't know about that. And then the shortest and kind of least. Yeah, that one's Emma's. I kind of thought that was Micah's. Yeah, I thought that was Micah's and then. I kind of thought that was Micah's. Mine was short, that's not mine. Yours was short?

Micah's and then yours was the one we said was Micah's. Okay. I kind of remember this clump right here. I was gonna say, yeah, Donald clump. Let's just move on to the last segment. I thought that was awesome. Damn. You guys' shit attitudes is why that didn't go well.

That was the worst thing I've ever done on this show. You get another show intro music or something like that? You must not know about Reeves, you must not know about Reeves. Anywho, welcome to Factor. This is a new segment that I think actually has drag slash legs. Welcome to fact or fiction, Bible edition, right? So I'm gonna read quotes that are either actually from the Old Testament or something I wrote. And you have to guess. And I think I actually made it kinda hard,

which is fun, by the way. Can you get me? Enough of the pointing. It's fine. Can you get the... I don't know, enough with the pointing. It's fine. Can you get the correct and wrong buttons pulled up? I think they're both red. And that way you'll know. So not theme songs.

All the buttons are red. Which tab is the song? They're both red. The wrong says eagle next to it for some reason. You really can't do it with twine. I feel like I've never done that. We did cut it out of the assembly edit. Then you go up and around, and then he can pick it up.

Yeah. Yeah, you peel it off each other's fingers. Should we just make this a Marika's Druthers? You just want a soliloquy? I was talking. Yeah. Yeah. Welcome to Factor Fiction.

We did cut out like 30 seconds there while we were trying to figure out where these buttons were. There's a lot of good stuff going on. Okay, then I'll keep it in. Fuck me, right? I guess I don't know how to make an assembly edit. Ah, I don't even know. Factor Fiction, Bible edition, right?

New segment. Did you look? No, I can't see. Okay. I'm gonna read out a couple of quotes, some of which are gonna be from the actual Bible word for word according to whatever the newest translation is that I found, and others will be ones that I wrote. Do we all get it? Yes. You have to guess. Okay, here we go.

Why are you mad? I'm just pissed at how the first half hour is gone. Here we go. Here we go. Happy is the one who seizes your infants and dashes them against the rocks. Bible. Happy? Wait, you don't think the word happy is in the Old Testament? Gay is the one who seizes your infants

and dashes them against the rocks, to use an old timey, which is happy. What does the Bible say though? The translation I read, because it's not written in English initially, but it was happy is the one, or this is one I wrote. Happy is the one who seizes your infants

and dashes them against the rocks. I guess, I guess I'll say you wrote it. I think Bible. I think Bible. I think Bible is just out of context. Give me Bible. Nice. That's correct.

Psalm 137, nine actually. There's no reason this can't also be educational. Right. Every person should read the Bible. I think it's kind of only educational because it's otherwise kind of nothing. It's not fun. Think it's kind of only educational because it's Sorry, I'm working on letting comments like that like roll off my shoulder if this comes out on Sunday It could be like Sunday school

Why don't you host the show? I would love that really? The next day as they were leaving Bethany, Jesus was hungry. Seeing in the distance a fig tree in leaf, he went to find out if it had any fruit. When he reached it, he found nothing but leaves because it was not the season for figs. Then he said to the tree

May no one ever eat fruit from you again. I Hope that was you Otherwise, that's kind of a dick move from Jesus I don't think the writers of the Bible would let God's son look that dumb. I Wandered to a tree. I tried to eat fruit, couldn't, so then I cursed the tree. Kind of abused his powers. Will you guys worship me or what?

Emma? I also thank you. That's gonna be Bible, Mark 11, 12 to 25. What a petty bitch. What a petty bitch In man People forget that he was like a t-rass would do I'm serious That's something your frail thin ass would do you know what I'm saying everybody's cracking the whole city is laughing The tire subway

Laughing? The entire subway car. People forget that he had like angst, Jesus. Yeshua was like a teen at one point. Yeah, at one point. You think he ever, yeah, I don't want to be crass, but do you ever, you think he ever kind of cranked that shaft, kind of discovered that he could kind of self complete? I'm fired, I think. All right, here we go. Jesus teared up like a

wife. This is one line from a book. Like a wife? Jesus teared up like a wife. I'll go with you. Jeff, I wonder if the theme is that they're all Bible. Yeah, I thought about that game I'll say I'll say Bible. Okay, Emma. I'll say Jeff show me Jeff I wrote that yeah Just doubt you're really proud and three people guessed it. That's true, that's true. Get two bulls for us. Is that it?

Is that the whole thing? No, sorry. Get two bulls for us. Let balls profits choose one for themselves and let them cut it into pieces and put it on the wood, but not set fire to that. I will prepare the other bull and put it on wood, but not set fire to it. Then you can call on the name of your God and I will call on the name of the Lord, the God who answers by fire. He is God. Then all the people said, what you

say is good. I mean that was definitely Bible because it seems like now the theme is when they're really short That's what you wrote because maybe you just got a little lazy when it was time for you to write I really I'm gonna go Bible. I really hope it's you though. I think I think Bible just cuz of how much trouble you had reading it That was Bible that's Kings 1823. Nice. Really? Of the 45 men with whom Abraham marched into... Yep, Bible. Into...

Of the 45 men with whom Abraham marched into Jerusalem, 42 of the men left without foreskin. Of the 45 men with whom Abraham marched into Jerusalem, 42 of the men left without foreskin. The other three were dashed against rocks and run over by iron chariots. They do love this dashed against rock. I just, I feel like the Bible isn't written that way, so I'm gonna go with Jeff. I think this one's you.

I'll say, I just want, I want it to be Bible at this point. Yeah. That sounds biblical. Correct! That was me. That was fiction. Of the 42 men that Abraham walked, like that's not how the Bible sounds.

Wow. I ran this by people and they said, this really sounds like the Bible. That's one specifically. AJ. Uh, all right. Spend summers near the Red Sea, lest you give yourself unto Satan's will Job explained to the town children Though they listened not and because of this God whispered to Job

Dash these children with a hard rod I'm gonna go Bible Bible I Just feel like somebody like you is actually really interested in like vacationing and real estate So it's like this is like something you kind of call up like spend your summers by the Red Sea I summered in the Red Sea. Yeah, when it was parted. I'll say Bible Bible. Correct! That was me. Summer at the Red Sea.

God commanded you to get an Airbnb on the Mediterranean. That did knock me a little bit, but then I was like, Dash with a Rod must just be like spanking. Yeah, that is what it is. There's a lot of corporal punishment these times. banking with a switch. There's a lot of corporal punishment these times. And Miriam and Aaron spake against Moses because of the Ethiopian whom he had married, for he had married an Ethiopian woman.

Bible, just because I think you would avoid the redundancy. I have a Bible. Bible. Unanimous, correct. That's true. Yeah. Numbers two to one. It would be it would be kind of funny if you wrote some sort of like new

Bible. Like your text. Yeah. Yeah. Like she's a guy writing his own Bible. The New Testament. It's about Jesus cranking it under a fig tree with no fig. Wearing figs. Yeah. Scrubs. It would be like in the Book of Mormon, where they have the Book of Arnold at the end. Yes. The Book of Jordan. Yeah. Or that. the Book of Mormon where they have the Book of Arnold at the end. Yeah, the Book of Jordan.

Yeah, or that. The Book of Brown Jordan. That's not bad at all. Brown Jordan. That's the back of Brown Jordan. And it's a book. And it's just a catalog of outdoor. Okay, here we go.

Cherish your wife as you wish the Lord would cherish all his children, unless your wife is churlish and unwise. Then give unto her everything that God would give to a fish, including salt." You? Dash. Dash her with a rod. Yeah, that's you. Okay. I'll go Bible.

Jeff. Chits! That was me. Show me me! I'll go Bible. Jeff. Chits, that was me. Show me me! Show me me! Correct. Okay. Can that which is unsavory be eaten? There's 30 more.

It'll be over fast. Can that which is unsavory be eaten without salt or is there any taste in the white of an egg? I want it to be Bible. I think it's you. I think it's Bible. I think it's Bible. These guys were obsessed with food.

The figs. The blandest shit too. You know they didn't have fries? I think the Bible too, just cause this one is the one that inspired you to use the word salt in the other one. I'll say Jeff. Give me Bible.

Nice. That was actually like the perfect thought process. Okay, here we go. Only a fool gives into his desire for a woman's thigh. The wise man enjoys simple pleasures, including grapes and sex. Jeff. Yeah.

Correct! Correct! All right, yeah, we can do game show intro song again as we kind of rear our ugly heads into plugs That was factor fiction Bible edition didn't that one make the whole twine one better because that was a good thing I mean twine was a low point so yeah anything was gonna be better than twine I had some fun with tying mine into not. Whose twine? Twine made the urchin thing fine okay was like a classic seg I like that it was

almost a rag egg seg yeah sorry I'm blowing up hey the check bounced on your sublet what do you got going on? What do you want to point to people towards or not? Plugs. Not much, you can follow me, emmerosfolie on Instagram. Feels like a lot, yeah. Not much, but then you said a lot.

Your eyebrow just lifted in a way that looked like you were gonna beat the shit out of me after this. You were going to dash me against rocks. Micah? My friends and I started a clothing brand called Ametona. Would you ever do one without the logo? Without the logo?

Got it. Oh, without the... That's right. Yeah, yeah, yeah, eventually. That's cool. I feel like you could do it with like almost Egyptian fabrics in a way I don't know what some archons would be. I don't mean to like give unsolicited advice But like really soft like a cotton or a linen Egyptian fabrics. Maybe ten pounds heavier than you want it to be around this time of year. You could have the heavy

Ten pounds? Sounds like a weight vest. Yeah I want it to be around this time of year. You could have the heavy. 10 pounds. 10 pounds. I'm sure. It sounds like a weight vest. Yeah. No, I'm saying the shirt is like a heavy, like you know what I'm saying, like a heavy spot. Yeah, heavy weight tee.

Yeah. Because maybe you didn't treat the summer as I thought I would, as one thought they would. Yeah, let's talk about this offline. Let's talk about it online at a new show that we host. That's cool. What's it called?

Amatona. Amatona Studio on Instagram. Have you, when you guys launched the business, and I'm not saying this because I'm not taking it seriously, did you guys have Amarena or Amaretto when you were celebrating Amatona? We didn't, it was a missed opportunity. Okay.

All I want in my future kind of like family home, you know, the one that's like forever is your forever home. Yeah. A library. Like I'm a dog. Someone eventually takes you in. Yeah. Marieke?

You can follow me at Marieke Alen on all things and listen to Thanks, dad, which is out now nice Jake when does this come out? Next Friday, so not this Friday, but the 20th. Oh, okay. We have a show in Philadelphia me and Amir head gum comm slash live Emma Let's hear another and you you yelled at her. You said that she said it wasn't anything, but then it wasn't long.

No, I said it calmly. You can say hurtful things as long as you don't yell, I learned. From you. My dad. From. My dad. My dad.

My dad. My dad. My dad. My dad. My dad. My dad. My dad. My dad.

My dad. My dad. My dad. My dad. My dad. My dad. My dad. My dad. My dad. My dad. That was a Hid Gum Original.