The Headgum Podcast - 225: Soarin' Through

Episode Date: October 11, 2024

Amir, Casey, and Anya join Geoff for the LA edition of rose-bud-thorn of the summer, find out who Geoff does or does not endorse for president, and play a lot of Birdle! NYC!! Come see The Headgum Podcast Presents...An Evening of Geoazz on Monday October 28 at 8pm! Get tickets: https://littlefieldnyc.com/event/?wfea_eb_id=1027966795357 » FOLLOW Geoff on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/geoffreyjames/ » FOLLOW Amir on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/amir/ » FOLLOW Casey on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/caseydonahue/ » FOLLOW Anya on Letterboxd: https://www.instagram.com/the.lovemotel/See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Find what peaks your imagination. Sign up for a free 30-day Audible trial and your first audiobook is free. Visit audible.ca to sign up Previously on the headgun podcast over a hundred and twenty two million under thick haze From Chicago to DC as Canadian wildfire smoke spreads across the US Don't I know it is that happening again? Yeah so Don't I know it. Is that happening again? Yeah so There was like that time like three weeks ago where the sky was orange and it looked like it was raging and then it went away

But the fires were I've just still been there and the wind hasn't carried it south or something that I don't know But I did get that shit. I don't know sorry. I was trying to hear the answer Yeah, sorry, but I actually had a joke that Marika stepped on and I was gonna let it pass, but yeah. Marika was talking when you started the joke and she stepped on it. How do you usually feel when you're in an emergency? How do you start it?

How do you start it? How do you start it? How do you start it? Have you started? I can't hear if there's like, is this the show? Oh, really? Yeah. It's hard because I didn't share the audio. The audio. Yeah, exactly right. It's obviously hard. Right. Let's get into it, man. Bond of the fucking week, man.

I'm going buzz like- Christopher Eubanks. Who? What? Christopher Eubanks. Who the hell is that? Look him up. I'm not like, my job is not to educate you.

It's just to answer who I think the Bond of the Week is. Like you have to do your own- Your job is to make the entertainment there. And this is not entertaining. This is just... couples counseling with a third person watching. Who's the third? Yeshua. You always leave a chair for him during therapy.

Thank you. Did you say oops? I just almost left the Zoom, which would have been funny. Sorry, I just... Chris Christopherson. Okay. RIP. Kind of from heaven.

Yeah, nice. Kind of like Ghost Bond. Casey? Star is born. This one's for Jeff, this one's for my dad, Francisco Lindor. Yes. Francisco Lindor. Let's go Mets.

Yeah. My Mets. Your Mets? Of course Anya's Mets. You can't be a Boston Bruins fan and a Mets fan. I'm sorry, it doesn't work that way. Take center stage. I love Timmy Trumpet.

Here we go. A big fan of the of the Diaz entrance. Wait, so. It's really funny to me. Oh, my recording stopped with the. That's OK. We don't need yours part Yeah, we could keep going. I get that. Um, I live that song at the gym all the time how and when

At the gym via Spotify To me, it's really funny because it's like mister and mrs. Met will often play the trumpet and then I love that crazy and then Edwin Diaz kind of comes out and he's just kind of like. Yeah, and that's that's me at the gym. And I do that and everybody does that. My Bond of the Week is Buzz Lightyear, because then his catchphrase could be to infinity. And I'm Bond.

Yeah, it could be that. Should be that it's actually really good. Amir missed it. Do you want to do it again? I could hear it. Yeah, it was to infinity and on bond because I got the wireless headphones. I was worried that you couldn't hear it. I thought you had to kind of plug in cause you didn't laugh or smile. I didn't think it was funny, but I could hear it. Okay.

And that was back by the time you said that. Yep. I do? Oh, cause it's this audio. It is that audio into the zoom ideally, but not for the record or here's my question to you guys. How would you describe my energy right now? Manic.

Yeah, manic for sure. You seem normal. Did you guys say frantic? No, none of us said frantic. Well that's my energy and I just said it now. We're to the goddamn day. Holy shit. I mean, we're climbing through the hits right now.

We're soaring through. You guys know Disneyland with the soaring over California? This is soaring over the head No This is soaring over the headgun podcast greatest hits. It's sort of It'll be fun the Eagles Hotel, Jalifornia And that's spelled G E O a And that's spelled G-E-O-A-L-I.

Yeah. You can check out of the Zoom anytime you like. Joe Tello was right there. But you can never leave the Zoom. I almost did. There's a new segment that we've been kind of, I want to say soaring through over here on the East Coast. Or should I say, can you hear me? You're not reacting to anything I'm saying. You sound great on you. I hear you crystal clear.

Because he's kind of like everything I'm saying. Is it better? He's just way better now. Amir way better. Yeah. I would say your audio is pretty good. Your audio, your audio. Guys, there's this new segment we've been doing here over on the East Coast.

We're soaring through it, soaring over it. Jalifornia style hotel, Jotel, California style. It's called or not an east coaster. You're there for a second. You're still one of us. So don't say over here on the East Coast. Because I like that's not you. This zoom reminds me of what I really am, which is bad.

And I just wanted to introduce a new segment we've been doing over here on the West Coast, right? It's called Casey's Dimes. You've been doing this? That can't be true. I'm on the West Coast. Casey's Dimes? Shh.

Ah, ah, ah, ah. What's that? Welcome to Casey's Dimes. This is how we, I mean, it's not, the segment's not Casey's always, but it's Blank's Dimes, right? How many dimes does Casey have? Casey, do you have a coin purse nearby?

Do you have your wallet? Something that you would be- I have a dime, I have a quarter. Wow. I have a quarter. What I will say is you're the first person during this segment to show any form of currency. I keep quarters on hands as I like to go play pinball.

Pinball. Yeah. Waltz, I would say at Waltz. You kind of pinball yourself between Waltz and the fable, I would say, just to kind of let people know where they can meet you on the weekend. Don't be telling people that. I went on a walk the other day and I saw I saw a quarter on the ground and I went to pick it up and it was super glued down. I didn't know we were still doing that. That's your ass.

Frank. Yeah. Got your ass. Barcade. Yeah, that's got some Barcade tokens also. So is the answer zero? Sorry, we just need to blaze through this. We need to soar over it. Yeah, I don't have any dimes. You have like two, sorry, two and a half in a way. Sometimes I start to like shut down and people snap at me like that.

I don't know what I do that gets people so. You wanted me to hurry up. I don't have any dimes. All right, something else. So I've been toying with the idea. You guys are gonna love this. Basically while I'm here, I'm starting to sort of elevate my game

slash consciousness slash brain, right? I don't have to be beholden to this nonsense of a show. I can also write novels. And so I am really almost there in terms of getting pen to page. I just need the perfect title. Uh, last week... Last week...

Donya loves it. Last week it was... Last week it was From Brooklyn with Haste was the title. This week, nobody liked that one. So this week I'm gonna pitch... Yeah, because it's bad. This week I'm gonna pitch, pitch... Hate and coffee.

Is that War and Peace? No. Is that like, Hate and Ashberry? If anything, it's more Milk and Honey than it is War and Peace. But I'm gonna say Haste and Coffee. Haste and Coffee. Yeah. Is there a book called Milk and coffee. Yeah. Is there a book called Milk and Honey?

Yeah, Rupi Kaur. I mean, it's a poetry book. Oh. You're telling on yourself? I mean, there's lots of two nouns. Just as a book. Why Haste and Coffee? Because I feel like it could be a sequel,

spiritual or otherwise, to From Brooklyn with Haste. This book would center- Which you haven't written. What? You know, J.K. Rowling was- You don't do anything with Haste. I think I'm pretty fast. You were five minutes late to this.

I was two minutes late to this. You were later than I. Not true. Okay. I thought that the story would be about a guy who's on the go a lot in midtown Manhattan. He works at an ad agency. He's sort of a mad man in more than one sense because he's dealing with his anger issues because of his strained relationship with his father, but he's also a Madison Avenue ad man.

And so he's kind of going... Sorry. He's kind of going through his life with haste. Yeah, I guess if you really break down Mad Men to like a novel length, I guess it's about that. But mine would be different because the title's Haste and Coffee. Do you think it could write a novel like that many pages? You think you got that many pages in you? I mean, it depends on the font.

What's the most amount of pages you've ever written for a thing? For one thing? Yeah, 34. We would have, as usual with Jeff, we would have to like... And that's like script formatting, right? Right, it depends on the font, I said. We would have to like devise a very specific plan to figure out how to get his particular brand of...

I was going to say mental illness, but that feels mean. But every time we need you to do something, we do have to have a separate meeting to figure out how we get you to do it on time and in the way that we want. So we set up all these parameters. Kind of like when you're bowling and you have the little guardrails, we're like, okay, so we tell Jeff it's due this time, but really it's due a week later. And we tell him it needs to be this many pages. But really it's just kind of half that. So if we did that with the novel, is Jeff going to cry or is he doing a Robert De Niro impression?

What's the difference? You talking to me? Well, there's no one else here. Let's talk about dating in LA. You guys are... One out of four of us is wed. The other couple are engaged in... I would say flirtations on a weekendly basis.

What? The others of us? Who of us is doing that? You, me, Casey. We are engaged in flirtations on a weekendly basis. Yeah, what the hell's wrong saying that? Two of us are in, I would say long-term committed. Oh, and you don't flirt with Nick?

How do you get to spark live then? But you think Amir doesn't flirt with his wife then? No, no, once you're wed. I mean, you already have the ring. You already have that rock. You don't need to flirt. All right, sorry. I'm derailing. You keep going. Yeah. What about these meds? Let's go! Right?

So we're completely pivoting from the dating in LA thing. Anywho. Songs like that really unlock like a deeply European trap. Primal flirtation, yeah, I was going to say, in all of us, not even just three out of four. I would sit on Diaz's face if he won the World Series. Oh, my God. Let's keep it rolling. We're obviously soaring through. Definitely.

Have you guys been listening to the show since I've been gone? No. Why do you ask it with such a sad tone? Because I kind of know the answer, I think. Because you guys didn't know the dimes segment. You didn't know the new novel title segment. I thought I listened to them, but I don't recall those segments. Is there an episode that hasn't come out yet? I haven't listened to the finals. I don't recall those segments. Is there an episode that hasn't come out yet? I haven't listened to the finals. I've obviously listened through these assemblies, but I don't know if Grace is cutting things hither than thither.

Slippery them really. There's no way you've done Casey's dimes since you've been to New York. I haven't done Casey's dimes, but I did Billy's dimes with Billy Brick. I did Micah's dimes. That was the fucking crux of it. And it was the debut also. I mean, how fucking cool is that to come up with it, debut it, and that's the best that ever happens.

So why are you guys not listening to the show? Is it the way I'm outlining it? Because I think we've been doing hits. We've been We've been hitting for a couple of weeks. I think it's been like eight weeks without a dud. What? I have been listening. I said I have. Okay, then what about Casey then? I work on a lot of shows, man.

You think I got time. In my spare time, I think I'm listening. I think you have time. I just don't think that you would want to listen to more podcasts. Yeah, I get that. I just don't think that you would want to listen to more podcasts. Yeah, I get that. I have sympathy for that because you are the devil to me, as opposed to on you, the doival to me.

Nothing. I'm like not sorry. I'm not getting angry. I just am like curtailing your guys's fear. I'm not listening because I'm really I'm jealous of the episodes. I'm not on. It makes me feel bad because you you guys are having fun without me. There's no way. That's way less believable. I believe what Casey is saying. I don't believe Anya at all.

A little bit. I go, wow, look at all those jokes. You're jealous of the episodes? There's no way. When you watch a comedy movie. I'm jealous when I'm not on it. Yeah. I want to be on every single episode.

And then when I'm not on it, I feel sad and depressed. That's what Anya was saying, but you spoke in a cadence that made it seem like you were saying the opposite of what she said. Yeah, I get that. I get that. You're a wordsmith in terms of foul. That's how things go at HeadGum. A woman says something and then a man says the same thing

and then the cadence feels like it's the opposite. Louder and suddenly it's his idea. Right, Casey? Welcome to every meeting that I ever have. I was going to every meeting you've ever had is what I was going to say. I've ever had rather like that. Guys, autumn is upon us. Let's talk about our rosebud thorns of the summer. We did this last week, but you guys are all new people.

I'll start. Rose was getting the fuck out of the studio. Right. I don't have to be around you guys? I don't have to be around you guys. I don't have to be around the energy. I was saying to somebody the other day, I was like, the energy of the LA studios, everybody's doing their own thing. And then like the most famous people you've ever known walk in and then I feel like small in comparison versus the New York. So who was the most famous person you've seen in the LA studio?

Yeah, I think Roman Reigns came in for one, I think. Roman Reigns was not in the LA studio. No. No. No. No. Then I was worried he was going to be, so I avoid going in.

But when I go into the New York office, it's safe, because there might be a random ass day that, who's the biggest star that comes in? Maybe like We kind of have big stars on this coast. Exploration live? Have you heard of David Cross? I know, but I've never crossed paths with Cross.

I've never David Crossed paths. I think Emma probably has it that way on purpose. Yeah, it's hard. People have to shelter people from me because if they met me, they would make me move networks, I think is the consensus or? They don't really know who you are. I know, but they fear knowing me.

Yeah. Yeah. What's up with Casey? He's not here. Thorn, sorry. Yeah, he's frozen. Is that I have Casey? He's not here. Thorn, sorry. Yeah, he's frozen. Is that I have to go back to LA soon. My bud, when?

November 3rd. Yeah. What made you choose the third versus like the first of the month? Because I wanted to be able to vote. Can you do that remotely now? Yeah, but you need to get the like, so I would have needed a friend to like mail me my ballot and that just feels like it's going to get lost.

And also, I don't want to put anybody in that position, obviously. Are you waiting to endorse or yeah, that was my question. Are you waiting to endorse? Are you going to do it now? I'm voting. For? I'm voting. For? I'm voting.

I'm not going to be pressured to endorse, actually. But don't you think like with your platform, it's kind of like important? I think a lot of people are on the fence and they're curious who Jeff will vote for. The most unhinged person they know will vote for, yeah. Yeah, it's hard. Obviously, I just think that I have so many issues with our government in every way, and there are so many things that

I want to change. So I don't feel pressured to endorse someone. There's problems on both sides. I encourage people to use your critical thinking skills. Use your vote. Vote small vote for what's going on in your city. I'll say I'm voting for Kamala. They cannot have cis people making decisions.

And then Jeffrey, you could say. What's that? I'm getting RFK vibes from Jeffrey. So that means Trump, because he's telling people to vote for Donald. I'm saying like, I'm not endorsing and I'm not going to feel pressured. But like, obviously you should, you know, vote.

Not endorsing, but who are you going to vote for? Like I'm voting for Harris. Yeah. Harris isn't even a bad vote, but it's maybe, you know, obviously it's good for others to vote for Harris. I would say. Yeah. What about for you specifically? For me, I mean, it's hard to know what would be good

for me to do. I know what I'm going to do, but I just, I fear endorsing because of the ramifications. The ramifications. Who's Casey going to vote for? I think he might need a couple of dimes before he has a dog in the fight. Does that make sense? Like, no, no, I don't think we want people like Casey deciding who's in governance. Does that make sense?

Or do you guys disagree? No, I kind of think Casey and like all people should have a say. Why? X cons. I think it's important. It seems like a toss up right now. So every kind of vote is important. Yeah, you seem like a tosser right now because of the way you're pressuring me. Sort of a wanker.

Yeah, someone who cranks that shaft in terms of voting fraud. Anya, have you decided or are you waiting on the dust settles? My bud is Halloween. Okay. Oh. My bud is Halloween. I was going to say for summer. Yeah.

There wasn't even a podcast yet and we're already at a break. Guys, should rainforest tribes have access to Starlink Internet? Yeah, why not? That's cool. Should we tell them about it or just they have the access technically? If they can figure it out, they got it. That's what I thought. Yeah, but it's up to them if they do.

All right. Yeah, let's rein it in because I need to get to. Here we go. Yeah! What was that? Welcome to... Birtle. This is Birtle, but it's for birds. Oh birds of bird all. Are you guys ready?

I would. Okay. Yeah. Eagle. Yeah. Robin Robin. Got to be fucking kidding me. Got it.

That's yeah. Hashtag stop. Stop to share. That was it. So way to ruin the segment. I'm here. What's next? All right. Next segment.

All right. Yeah, let's keep them coming. Jeff, what? Welcome back to Bertel. Another one. This is another one. Let's go. Amir gets the last one, so let's go to Casey. I almost called him. I almost called you China.

So the last one was Eagle. The last one was Eagle. This is a different word, but you can still guess Eagle because it might be a good guess. I'll guess Robin. Okay, interesting. Very interesting, actually. Anya's turn. Anya? It's a bird name with only five letters. There's tons, yeah. What the hell?

Um, hold on. Are you okay? We can obviously go to... Oh my god. I know a bad guess. You want to steal my bad guess? Yeah. Raven. Now when are steal my bad guess? Yeah. Raven.

Up, come up, aside. Yeah, that's bad because we know the R and the N. Exactly. Oh, but we got an E and an A. That's pretty good. It's pretty awesome, yeah. What could it possibly be? Wait, I got a guess. What is it? Okay, you can't Google them Anya.

You do this every time. Every game you Google and then you ruin it. Well, I can't Google what bird you're thinking of. I just need to know some bird names. Yeah, but you can Google five letter bird whatever. No, it's not what I did. I just need to know some bird names. Fine, fine.

What's your guess? Crane. Yeah, nice. Whatever. Fuck you guys. It's really good. I like the way that... All right. Hashtag stop the share. Nice. Way to go, guys. You guys ruined a perfectly good segment. All right. And that one was us actually playing.

On to the next segment. I saw this. Shit. Let's go back to when you called Casey China. Welcome back to brutal. This is a basically word old, but it's for birds. I think it's China's turn. I want to say sorry, Casey.

Now you got me saying it. We're looking at a chapel ron endorsement article on. What did you just want to steal her rationale? endorsement article on four. Did you just want to steal her rationale or I didn't steal her rationale. I stole her direct quote. None of you guys got the reference. No, I got the right back to the reference. I didn't get the reference.

We're still doing. Welcome back to this is brutal, dude. Right. All right. Social clip. Quail. Quail. That's a good guess, Casey. Holy shit. Literally none.

Yikes. Classic China. Stork. Sorry, hang on. My recording keeps stopping. That's okay, your computer's probably full. Stork. Alright, stork.

T and R is working, but not necessarily stork. And for people that are just listening along, they can't really understand the segment or... I think they're loving it or... Yeah. T-R-E... Bands. E-G.

Your guess is TREEG? Yeah. Two E's. Correct. Two E's? All right. TREEG. Not a vowel that word. Two E's. Alright. TREEG. Not a valid word.

EGRIT! EGRIT. Alright. Peep it. I know you love Victoria's EGRIT. And again, that's a very nice pattern. It looks like a smiley face. Hashtag stop the share.

Alright. That actually was brutal, guys. Thank you guys for playing along. And here we go. Yeah! Wait, Jeff, I have a question. Yeah! Yep.

Was it like a creative decision to like move so fast through everything today? Welcome back to Birtle is what I was gonna say. I thought we just moved on from Birtle. We didn't move on, we moved from that Birtle. I said thank you guys for playing Birtle, here we go back to from Bertle. We didn't move on, we moved from that Bertle. I said, thank you guys for playing Bertle, here we go, back to Bertle. Eagle. We already did Eagle.

There are no repeats. Crane. There's no... We did Crane. Ukraine then. Too many letters, you guys are ruining what's an amazing segment for the audio listeners, especially. His issue with Ukraine is that it's too many letters. You guys are ruining what's an amazing segment for the audience. His issue with Ukraine is that it's too many letters. Makar. You're telling me Casey doesn't have a list of bird names pulled up right now?

Like, of course he does. Of course I do. All right. There's a C, but it's not in the right letter. Or sorry, it's not in the right place. There is a C. That was the only one. Canary. It's not in the right place. There is a C. That was the only one. The list. Canare. C's.

If that's your guess, we can do it, but you guys keep, there's no A's. There's no A's confirmed, and you're guessing another word with two A's, and it's gonna say it's not a real word, right? Yeah. Okay, I take it back. I take it back. Good, good.

Birds, birds. No, this isn't fun when you Google. What about flock? It's not fun either way. Flock is sort of bird adjacent. Fun, flock. No way. F and C are in the right places after a mere guest flock.

Back to China, Casey. Okay, one second. Oh, I got it, I got it. What? On you go. Finch. Show me Finch. Woo!

Hashtag stop the share. Stop the share. Stop the share. Diagram. All right. I'd really do appreciate you guys working with me on that. What would you guys say is the most frantic thing about your guys' asses? I've got an answer to this unanswerable question.

I feel like Casey and I get into frantic mode. Holy shit. Welcome back to Birtle. Here we go. Amir? Raven. Amir, the cool thing would have been to kind of seed your time back to me so I could finish my sentence.

The A is in the right place. I am not cool. The A is in the right place. And so is your guys's hearts. I think, I hope as long as you're not Googling should be going well. I'm Googling because I wanted to hear what Anya had to say about me and her getting into frantic mode. Our frantic mode is the five minutes before and after a live stream is supposed to start.

Casey and I are peak frantic mode then. And then let's get another bird. We can keep the conversation flowing and soaring, but basically we also need to be guessing birds. Is that why you're doing the soaring thing? Is it like a bird thing? Is that why you're speeding by everything that everyone says in every segment? So nothing lands. Amir's gone, by the way.

No, I think I'm genuinely trying to have an amazing time. You are? That's crazy to hear. That's so shocking. Okay, just a reminder that there are no repeats of birds, but there might be repeats of things you've guessed for other rounds. Right? And that's something that I'm a little worried you guys aren't going to kind of commit to memory. Right. There's not that many birds with five letter names. Okay. Amir?

Um... Tari? five letter names. Okay. Amir. Tari. T-A-R-O-I. Makah. Makah. Makah. Oh! Nice! Hashtag stop the share.

Why do you keep stopping it? Yeah. What do you mean? Does he have to input a new... He has to input a new... No, I'm not inputting it. You guys don't get it. You don't know how to host the show. All right, here we go.

Do you guys think that you focus too much on what's not going well in your life that it spoils what's going... Sorry, spoils what's going well in your life? Don't answer because he's just going to go back to the bird thing. I'm not going to go back to the bird thing until the perfect moment. I actually don't think I do. I think I'm doing a pretty good job. I'm not going to go back to the bird thing until the perfect moment.

I'm not going to go back to the bird thing until the perfect moment. I'm not going to go back to the bird thing until the perfect moment. I'm not going to go back to the bird thing until the perfect moment. I'm not going to go back to the bird thing until the perfect moment. I'm not going to go back to the bird thing until the perfect moment. I'm not going to go back to the bird thing until the perfect moment. I'm not going to go back to the bird thing until the perfect moment. I'm not going to go back to the bird thing until the perfect moment.

I'm not going to go back to the bird thing until the perfect moment. I'm not going to go back to the bird thing until the perfect moment. I'm not going to go back to the bird thing until the perfect moment. I'm not going to go back to the bird thing until the perfect moment. I'm not going to go back to the bird thing until Don't answer because he's just going to go back to the bird thing. I'm not going to go back to the bird thing. I actually don't think I do. I think I'm doing a pretty good job of. Keeping the good things in focus. That's good. Do you think?

Oh, so Casey gets to answer and we don't cut him off to go back to the bird thing. That's just a joke that happens when Anya talks. Holy shit. No, that's good. That's just a joke that happens on Anya talks. Holy shit. No, that's good. It's a good bit. Do you want to do like an Anya's Druthers to make up for it? No, thank you. No, come on. Let's do let's do a really short Anya's Druthers.

OK, here we go. For the duration of this song, Anya's Druthers. Anya, don't do it. He's going to just pull up a birdle. I don't think he's going to do a birdle this time. I think he really wants to give Anya the... I don't think he does. No, let me do it.

I'll do a three minute. For really low stakes. Two minutes. Interrogation. Two minutes on the board. You're not saying anything. I'm sorry. Just to be clear, this is Anya's time. This is Anya's time, yeah. This is Anya's time, Jeff.

Give her her time. I'm just saying she's not doing anything. Can I get a time check? You have 48 seconds left. This is insane that you're doing this. I feel like that's not cool of you. Everybody jumps down my throat. I'm sorry. You can ask for an extension. I'm good.

Thank you. Now, do you want to say anything? Will not be taken by as... As a fool by you. Yeah. That's awesome. The silence was deafening. Maybe for our audio listeners, I'll ask Grace to...

I'll ADR some druthers. I'm not going to let you cut me off, Jeff. So I wasn't going to. And now we'll never know. I don't believe you. All right. Literally, you'll do anything for a laugh. You will throw any of your coworkers under the bus for a laugh.

And we all know that. Of course. That's what we do for a living is make people laugh. Not we. That's not what we do. I work at a podcast company. Oh, wow. Oh, wow. The's not what we do. I work at a podcast company. Oh wow, oh wow.

The truth finally starts coming out. When we're on the show, Casey's trying to be a fucking clown. But then when I'm like, you know what we all do for a living is try to make people smile, Casey's like, actually that's not in my purview. What the fuck? Nobody's saying anything now. No, no, please, it's time to go back to the show.

Okay, then say some shit. No, because you keep saying that I cut you off at every turn, so say something. I won't cut you off. You were asking Casey a question. I'm done. I had my druthers. I feel good. He was? I don't think I was. You were, because that's why I said, like,

oh, you're not cutting him off to play Bertil. The show needs some real animosity. None of this manufactured shit. What? Welcome back to Bertil. All right, I think it was Anya's turn. There we go. Right?

I got it. I'm good. I'm good. Just load it up, babe. Let's do it. It's here. You don't see it. No, we don't see it. I can got it. Good, I'm good. Let's load it up, babe. Let's do it. It's here. I can see it. No, I can see it.

I can see it. I can see it. All right, hashtag stop the share. I can see it. I can see it. I can see it. Sorry. I don't see it now.

Load it back up. Okay, here we go. Yeah! Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Okay. All right.

Okay. Okay. Raven, Raven. Raven. Oh! Yeah! Yeah! Hashtag stop the share. Hell yeah, and that's the power of the Two Minute Dreaders.

You should give that to everybody. It makes you very powerful. Yeah! Welcome back to Birtle. It's Casey's turn. All the ride's known as Shine. Goose. Okay, here we go. Goose. Okay, so the O is where it's meant to be. Let's take a turn. Stork. Stork. Okay, are we done? That's next up, the share.

Okay, um... I guess we can move on to Birdle. This is a very lopsided episode. All right, here we go. I think it's Anya's turn. It's Anya's turn. I have no more bird names. Hold on. It's just, it's like another... It's a reminder that some things that might have been

guessed for other goose, I mean, for other birds. Might. You gotta say goose. Geese. Crane. Crane? Not goose, geese. Geese.

Oh no. He outsmarted you. Amir? I mean, try gouse. G.O.U.S.E. Which is a type of goose. Not a valid word. Interesting. It's probably goose, guys. It's probably goose. I think I think goose sounds right.

OK, goose. Oh, OK. All right. That really was Bertel. Thank you guys for playing along with that. On my outline, it says a lot of Bertel. All right. I think you can check that off then. Welcome to... Ranch or Nah. Ha ha ha ha. Cool.

The hell? Wholesome yum. Um, OK, guys, for some reason... Amir's gone. What the hell? Jeff, I give you such loud reactions to every segment, even though half of reason, Amir's gone. What the hell? Jeff, I give you such loud reactions to every segment, even though half of them are half-baked. Where did Amir go?

I don't know. And you just ignore me like this. I'm always laughing at the things you say. All right, you know what? Give me what you want. Hashtag stop the share until Amir gets back, okay? Let's just chat. Let's just... About Amir? Sure. I mean, if you want, Hashtag stop the share until Amir gets back. OK, let's just chat. It's just about Amir.

Sure. I mean, if you want, I wouldn't mind. OK, is he in the Zooms? No, he left with the whole. Well, he's gone. I think he said he wasn't hearing, but maybe he was. Maybe he's doing a little joke. Is this still the show or this is I mean, it might get cut out. It might not. It depends on how good the conversation flows slash source.

OK, here we go. Welcome to Ranch or Naa. This is a game show. It's the only game show, rather, where you decide whether a sauce is ranch or blue cheese dressing. If I left again, would it read as a joke or would you like just also think it was technical difficulties? I think the latter because you're so small on the on the zoom slash also as a man.

Yeah, as a man. Yeah, yeah. OK, here we go. Ranch or nah. For this. Yeah. Casey Ranch. Correct. Ranch or nah, nah.

What could this be blue cheese? Yeah, it's either ranch or blue cheese. It's either ranch or blue cheese. All of these are going to be either ranch or blue cheese. And you say it again. I think that's ranch. You usually dip radishes in cheese. I think it's thick.

I think it's blue cheese. I think that would be thick. Nice. Thank you. Who said blue cheese? Wrong. That's ranch. Guys rancher now.

And there's Dillon. I don't know. There's still on there. That's ranch. That's Dillon blue cheese. Really? That's right. Snap peas in a ranch though.

Yeah, it's the same thing as before. It doesn't look good. Either way, this doesn't look good to me. I'm in a ranch though. Yeah, it's the same thing as before. It doesn't look good. Either way, this doesn't look good to me. I'm not a- Is it the white sauce? Yeah, I'm not a white sauce kind of guy. I was gonna say, yeah, it's hard to have with sides. It's like sour milk. It's like sour cream. You don't like ranch?

I do not like ranch. Casey. I like ranch. I didn't ask. Casey? I'm not big on ranch. I'll do like an aioli or something like that. Wow, you guys are crazy. It's not even good for you. So like, why am I stomaching through this sour milky thing?

It's like not even healthy. No, it's really good tasting. Like people put it on salad. That seems counterintuitive to me. Putting it on salad is fucking disgusting, but you can't have fries without ranch. What? You can obviously have fries without ranch.

I almost exclusively have fries without ranch. I never have it. What about a Cobb salad? You're gonna put ranch on that. I don't like a Cobb. What about a Cobb? Speaking of Cobb, this is ranch. You guys all think this is ranch?

Yeah. Anya? Yes. Wronga? Yes. Wrong! Blue cheese! It's blue cheese with dill in it? Please? Blue cheese!

How do you know it's blue cheese? You probably googled blue cheese, but you don't know for sure this is an image of blue cheese. It could be an image of ranch. They were using ranch to shoot blue cheese. It's like a day for night situation. Yeah. Also one of the craziest food styled photos. Like there's so much dirty flecks.

The veggies look like shit. This photo was taken from a blue cheese dressing recipe. It's a horrible photo. A blue cheese recipe. Ranch or nah? It's gotta be ranch. You're not making your own blue cheese, are you? Yeah.

It's from Paleo Life, so I think it's ranch. Ranch. What is ranch made out of? Blue cheese! What's blue cheese? Well, what's ranch? Is it like egg white and like sour cream or something? I think it's sour cream and dill and onions and herbs and sauce? No wonder it sucks. And sauce.

The hard part is getting the sauce. Ranch or blue cheese, guys. Let's keep this shit going. Let's not let it get derailed or deranched. Yeah, you're right. But let's not riff around. She's kind of play the game. Really? Blue cheese for me to.

I just do cheese, baby. Ranch is lady. Ranch. Wrong eating a lot of ranch. Guys, ranch or nah? I don't fucking know. I can see blue cheese. Look, there's blue cheese in the background.

It doesn't matter. But is that a fake out? It's a red herring. It's a blue herring. Actually, go back to Birtle. I want to choose herring. It's herring with a side of blue cheese. It's a blue Heron. I went to Chili's this weekend with my goddaughter.

Wait, Anya, so did I. Not with my goddaughter, it was with Johnny, but still. That's awesome. She tried ranch for the first time and she loved it. Which Chili's in Sino or? Monrovia. Glendale. It was actually my first time in a Chili's in Cino or? Monrovia. Glendale. Yeah.

It was actually my first time in a Chili's in my life. Glendale New York, I said. Yeah. Yeah. I don't think there's a Glendale New York. There is. It's next to Middle Village, which I'm pretty sure is the hub of the KKK. I know you say worst episodes ever for Pile, but this has to be one of the worst episodes

ever. We've completely forgotten we're Pile, but this has to be one of the worst episodes ever. We've completely forgotten we're on a podcast at this point. And it's specifically visual jokes. Correct! That was Blue Cheese. We don't know which one it was, and it doesn't matter. Here we go. And also every time it shows a picture,

it also shows like the left third of the photo sometimes. Do you guys get that bug? Yeah. Is that just on my computer? I get it, but I'm powering the range again. Yeah, I just need to get to the end. Just can't wait to dip inside a ranch again.

How you expected this to go, Jeff? Not really. I thought you guys would be really enjoying this. I actually showed it to somebody before this and they were like, that's a really good segment because you can't tell. Who said that? That's a really good segment because you can't tell. It's impossible to play.

It's a photo. This is an audio medium. Mostly, yeah. You're showing us pictures of cups and jars full of white cream. It was Micah. Micah told you this was a really good segment. That's why we gotta keep him on the sales team. Yeah, he doesn't work in content. Are you at the studio?

Where are you? How are you talking to Micah? I'm laying soup pie on the conference table. Blue cheese. I'm laying soup pie on the conference table. LAUGHS Uh, yay, yay. Blue cheese. Wait. Okay. Yeah, it's, I think it's ranch, so whatever.

Let's just kind of keep going. Why don't we soar through this? That's really good. Okay, this was ranch! All right, next. Ranch or this was ranch. All right. Next ranch or not ranch. Blue cheese. Casey ranch. Ranch is correct, but you don't have to. Mike Mike is Mike is right that it's hard to tell ranch or blue cheese guys.

Come on, let's sort through. It's a black screen. Blue cheese. It's so thin. Amir. But I guess it's blue cheese. Watery. But it's soup. It's oat. Casey, that's China.

No, ranch. This is a chive latte. Ranch, ranch. A chive tea latte. Yeah, I'm gonna go ranch. I'm going ranch too, I changed my answer. Can I get a dirty chive? It's a spring onion with a shot of espresso.

Sorry, dirty chive. Dirty chive. Or have you never worked in the service industry before? Or have you never been to Hidden Valley? India. Have you never played ranch or nah? This was blue cheese. Fuck. Why are they whisking This was blue cheese. Fuck.

Why are they whisking their own blue cheese? Oh, to make it like creamier, I guess? What do you guys think this shit is? How many of those do you have left? There's like 18 left. You're lying. There's no way. The theme of this episode was a lot.

Yeah. It was a lot, yeah. Yeah, it's a lot. Yeah, it's a lot of everything except for jokes and laughs. Is this ranch or blue cheese dressing? Blue cheese. Blue cheese. You know, if you guys. I'm starting to think there's no difference between the two, quite frankly. They're all just the sour, milky white cream. That's all right.

You know, I try to come up with some fun ass shit. You guys kind of just. No, you didn't.. You know, I try to come up with some fun ass shit. You guys kind of just steamroll through. I would say you barely tried to come up with fun. I would say that I spent a couple hours coming up with. You did Bertle and Ranch or Nah? He even ran it by other people. Now let's play Bertle or Nah. Is this a jar of ranch or the word?

Bird or, store. Or is it a bird? ranch or the word store? Or is it a bird bird or ranch? Welcome back to brutal. Here we go. All right. I'm going to need to start with. And OK, here we go. Ranch.

Yes. All right. There's an A for sure, but it's not in that where it is in the ranch. Right. Right. Um, I? Right. Um. God, I'm sorry. God, his ass. God, his ass.

God, his ass. ["The Last Post Malone"] That was a Hidgum Original.