The Headgum Podcast - 226: Three Lies

Episode Date: October 18, 2024

Amir, Marika, and Allie join Geoff to discuss piggy banks, Our Mets, and cats on the subway, then play at least one round of Never Have I Ever!NYC!! Come see The Headgum Podcast Presents...An Evening of Geoazz on Monday October 28 at 8pm! Get tickets: https://littlefieldnyc.com/event/?wfea_eb_id=1027966795357» FOLLOW Geoff on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/geoffreyjames/» FOLLOW Amir on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/amir/» FOLLOW Allie on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/alliekahan/» FOLLOW Marika on Letterboxd: https://letterboxd.com/marikaelon/Rate The Headgum Podcast 5-stars on Apple PodcastsRate The Headgum Podcast 5-stars on SpotifyJoin the Headgum DiscordSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a Headgum Original. Previously on the Headgum Podcast. If he had been spanked, we wouldn't have any soprano sax smooth jazz. This is what I hear in my head. AJ? Kenny G? Spanked or not? I'm saying spanked. I think spanked. I think the music is coming from a place to spank I think

ultimately Yeah Spanked or not finally Maximilian Robespierre hmm What I will say is that trauma begets trauma, and he did end up guillotining a lot of people Which is sort of like the spanking of the head. He's got a really small head He's got I honestly though. I have a soft spot for a robespierre because look how thin his ankles are Oh, you got thin ankles. I've got ankles. Yeah, you can't tell right now cuz I'm wearing boots What's that? What's that? What's that? What's that? What's that? What's that?

What's that? What's that? What's that? What's that? What's that? What's that? What's that? What's that?

What's that? What's that? What's that? What's that? What's that? What's that? What's that? What's that?

What's that? What's that? What's that? What's that? What's that? What's that? What's that? Guys, we're doing something here. You know what I mean? You know how many people don't even ever get around to creating? This is like we're putting something out on such a consistent basis that people are starting to sell out the Brooklyn show, dude. 1028. Starting to, I said, we're rounding third and heading there.

Starting to sell it out or. Starting to sell tickets. Starting to sell it out or. But no, there aren't that many tickets left, right. And by the time this definitely no seats, there are no. Sears are gone. Chairs are gone. First half of the standing room or more

by the time this comes out, gone. So if you want to stand near the entrance and barely get into the show. Well that's entirely true because you can buy a ticket now and then just show up early and have a seat. For all the more reason, right? All the more reason to get the ticket and just show up when doors open.

Yeah. Even earlier probably. I was gonna say starting to like, almost like you're camping out for Supreme or for Stussy. Yeah. Imagine if we got people to camp out like they were going to see like a moona or something like that. Or like trying to get the new Bape shoes,

you know what I mean? A bathing ape. Are you guys familiar? Yeah. No, I'm familiar. Really? Basically it's like this clothing brand that Nego, I think was the person who created it. Pharrell did a bunch of like collabs with them, Yeah. of the Soldier Boy lyrics.

Exactly right. So anyway, if people could like tent and, you know, sleep outside the venue the night before, that might make me feel good about what we're doing here. But either way, I feel good because we're creating and a lot of people don't even get around to that. I think I was saying. Yeah. It's like the argument of like, you know, is it better to have love and loss than I've never loved at all?

Is it better to have create created shit than I've never loved at all? Is it better to have create created shit than to have never made anything in the first place? I think this podcast is a living testament to the answer being it is better to create even if it's garbage. Yeah, I think that's fair. You're like, really? I thought you're going to be like, no, it's actually a good show. People laugh. People love it.

I wasn't really talking about that. Just like the general sentiment of like. It's actually a good show. Okay. And around what areas? Like the guests or? Guest booking for sure. Well, that's like a workflow thing, not like an end product thing. Van Gogh was like sloppy with his paints probably, but he still made some masterpieces and opuses. We've had some great ups. Yeah. Some of these episodes I'd say.

Yeah. Jeff Osean too. Yeah. And I knew you were going to say, yeah. Yeah. Vincent van Gussie. That's really good. Yeah. Into Starry Night into Stossi Night, which is a collab between his estate and the clothing brand Stossi. I'm obsessed with possession suddenly. So speaking of possession like ghosts. I'm obsessed with possession suddenly. Speaking of.

Possession like ghosts? The perfect segue into our first mini segment within the wax portion, right? Ally's Coins. Now, Ally, I don't know if you listen to the show ever. It's okay if you don't, but that obviously is gonna make me cry. There's this new segment we've been doing for weeks, which is like blanks, dimes, and it's how many dimes someone has. But nobody has had any dimes.

So let's zoom out, let's take stock. How many coins do you have? Because I feel like a lot of life is about owning shit. I have a piggy bank, but I don't know what's in it. Why don't you break that? That would be good content if you broke that shit open and kind of got permission from the three of us to go spend that shit.

It's shaped like an old timey phone. There are dimes in here, but I can't tell you what. And are you sure that's a piggy bank? Or have you just been putting coins in an old phone? I'm positive. I bought it on eBay. Yeah, keep waiting. Amir, are you enjoying so far

or are you like placing sports bets or some bullshit? I'm trying to look it up. Are piggy banks designed to be destroyed or was that like the original design and now they're not? Or some are designed. Like it used to be destroyed? Or was that like the original design and now they're not? Or some are designed. Like it used to be like you had to break it to get the coins out. Or is that like a 50s and 60s thing?

I think that's a 50s and 60s thing. Because now I... They don't want you to have like... They think it's unsafe or something. I was going to say, yeah. Well, yeah. There's like a little thing at the bottom. A stopper. Yeah, yeah, there's like a little thing at the bottom. A stopper.

Yeah, a stopper. Yeah. When did it, I just have one question to that end. When did it become the Headgun podcast with Amir Blumenfeld? Right? With Amir Blumenfeld? Well, I mean, in some episodes. When did you become At the Reins?

I'm not at the Reins, I'm just joining as a guest. I'm having a conversation. I'm seeing if like the piggy bank thing can lead us to another interesting topic. What this has felt like so far to me is that I got in my car. You got in the passenger seat halfway through the drive. You're trying to get in the fucking driver's seat, right? So I want to host this show. Well, the alternative is to for me to just be quiet, which I also don't mind that. Well, I don't like you, you know, point.

I would mind that I think I like the like overlapping dialogue in ways. Yeah, that's what the figuring thing giving anyone a chance to like, think about what they're going to say. Yeah, you know, well, you know, you should think before you come on the show. Right. And then you should get into some kind of like creative flow state where you're just kind of like, you know, ping pong around. Verbal diarrhea, really. Idea generation is Trump calls it.

That's really good. Yeah. And I almost would want you guys to stop asking questions and I'll just put some music on. Okay, mom. Don't. That was a reference to a news article that broke like 30 minutes ago. And it was a real Hail Mary that you guys had seen the same article that I like 30 minutes ago.

That's good. That's good. I don't know if you guys were. Yeah, you were on the zoom already where I was like, this episode has to be uneditable, where it's like so pristine that I don't have to do the assembly edit and I can just send it to grace because we're recording this on Tuesday, October 15th. And I usually need to get the files to grace by the end of the day. It's already four fifteen by the time this episode is done, it'll be four fifty ish. My God. Yeah, it's tough. It's obviously. Yeah. Yeah.

You know, you have like quite a number of hours left in the day. New novel title. I don't know if you guys have heard, but I'm trying to write the perfect book while I'm in Brooklyn. I just need the title right to get started, to know what it's about. This week, what I would pitch is Melancholy a lot. Mm. Mm.

Mm. Like Melancholia? No. Yes. No. Yes. No, it would be Melancholy a lot by Jeffrey Rodney, which is my new pen name. Oh, yeah. I guess I would focus on the book and less so your name.

Yeah. OK. Well, can I just I agree with you, but I also wanted to workshop my author's photo in my sleeve It would be it would be let me just get it. It'd be like this So lying on your side with the biggest grin And I might be holding a mic the biggest grin. And a mic. Would you be holding a mic?

Yeah. I don't think we could have logos, because you're wearing a Mets hat. We can like, blue this out, where it's just like a blue hat and a bad shirt. And you're just going to say it's a self-portrait or screenshot? I think I'd say this is like, you know, about the author, like, and then it could be like, attributed to like,

I don't know, some fake photographer's name. Yeah, because that's also an opportunity to maybe put a name in there. You know who did Carol Rodsewell's author photo, the Real Housewife of New York? Who? Galead Maxwell. Why?

I'm just saying. Jeff hit the pose again? Yep. It was a different smile. It was bigger, a bigger grin. All right. Took a screenshot, so we can just use that. Yeah, it could be Marika Brownlee was the photographer.

Way better, way better. Yeah. I thought Casey was going to be on this episode. I asked him. He said unavail. It's been an unbelievable run for our Mets, right? It's been goosebumps. October for me, the hunt for good October, I would say. Mark Vientos is me in another lifetime. I don't know what else to say.

His Grand Slam the other day in L.A. Mary, 10 minutes from the studio was the best moment of my life since I would say Pete Alonso's home run against the fucking Brewers. Did you know who any of these people were in June? Yeah. Because you were a Yankee. I guess I didn't know who. No, I just had the hat. Yeah, and I just have the Mets hat. Yeah. Yeah, it's hard.

It's hard because it's fun. Also, the Guardians, a Cleveland team who you were rooting for like a year or two ago is currently also playing the Yankees. So like you're spread seemingly very thin in this final four. I'm all in. I'm filling big shoes. All in on the Mets.

Yeah. I've been to three Mets games this year. The first one was in May. I decided I was a Mets fan. I want to say in April. You know what? Everybody has a day one. They had a horrible May.

I still went to the game. The tickets were like $8. It was really boring. Marika didn't have a good time after that game. We did go to a room that Marika said was going to be a bar and ended up being an attic. Cash only fucking booth that this guy was an escape room. I guess we have alcohol and I was like, Marika,

you're going to get us fucking killed. This man is pouring. Yeah. Amanda Ferry told me about that place, so consider that didn't come directly from me. That's cool, actually. We could have gotten the. Sorry. No, I was going to. Are you liking being in New York?

Oh, I mean, it's a revelation to be this far away from a mirror has been awesome. And you're you brought your cat. Yep. I said, with the cat, she's I saw I saw the cat earlier. Does the cat care? Does she care? Yeah, like does she notice she's in a different place? Well, the thing is she was born in Long Beach. We never talked about this. So she's like an LA. She's an Angelina native She has been here seeing the leaves change. I'll see her staring out the window like

You know, she's not used to this shit. She's not used to this joy really Are you gonna take misty on the subway like in one of those like? see through backpacks No Could make her I don't want to make her like a park cat. I've seen that before Yeah, I don't want to go to the park. I guess I was a flight. Yeah. Well, I with a cat her it's tough Would you give her? Gabapentin one dose at night, one dose the morning of.

She still was not happy through the initial morning. But when she was on the plane, she started to figure it out, that it was all going to be good. I think she was every time we because I'm like, yep, here she comes. She hears that we're talking about her. Yeah, she has to. Gabapentin for my nerve pain. You took a cat medication.

That's not what they told me. No, it is a human medication. Human medication, I was going to say. But I just think it's a funny idea that Marika would be not even on baby aspirin, on feline aspirin. I was at the Mets game yesterday. The one with the Grand Slam you're talking about. Yeah. No, I saw it on your story.

You weren't that far away from where it landed. Describe the energy of, I guess, the arena. Because I don't understand any of this. I don't understand how it provides joy other than like a communal experience. I don't, my friend sent me a fan cam of the Mets mixed with Hamilton yesterday, and I couldn't understand a single thing that was going on.

Okay. Right. But we went to a game and you knew it was happening. Barely, barely knew. There would be times where I'd look up and I'd be like, oh, they've they've been back on the field for a while. News to me. Yeah. I think regular season baseball is like a day in the park. It's very like background noise. Every game doesn't really matter. And then playoff baseball is like the polar opposite.

Everything is like very tense and like with one swing of the bat, your entire time. One second. Yeah, I was jumping on because I was talking. Yeah. Every single pitch matters and can affect the World Series probability of your team. Have you been watching a team like the Mets? They haven't once since 1986. So for like 35 years, you've been watching maybe 10,000 baseball games

and like there are seven wins away from winning the World Series and every single pitch could mean that they will. It's like chess almost in a way. If I could just piggyback. I am, I am still talking. I was talking also. Right. So the way people watch these games is like sort of this like quiet tension. And then when things are going to say, if I could just baited breath, right. And then when things are going well, they crowd sort of feeds off that energy. And that energy, I was going to say, yeah, I'm being on the bears energy. And then there's like, I'm well, the crowd sort of feeds off that energy. I was going to say, yeah, I'm feeding off of theirs energy.

I'm thinking about the crowd. Yeah, there's like a frenzy to the joy. And it's like the way things, and momentum is so big in baseball. If the hottest team isn't necessarily the best team, it's just who can... Yeah, exactly. Well, it's also... There's the most parity of any sport, by the way. It's not really history-free. The best team only wins 62% of the time, I was going to say. Yeah, exactly. Well, it's definitely bandwagon because it's been since April. And since April, I was going to say, and they weren't very good in April. Less than a year.

Yeah, I was going to say. Five. It's not that great. Especially for me, it's like the joy of when they're happy on the team. Yeah, you're just piggybacking off of it. I feel like I'm one of them. I feel like I'm two of them. Yes, exactly. Like just having it on in the background, paying like $4 and then getting a hot dog.

To that end, it is almost like, I would say, a walk in the park almost. Right, which is what Amir said. Yeah, I think that's like a necessarily new idea that's brought to the table. Sarah Jessica Parker does that a lot. The joy can also be frenzied, I feel like we don't talk enough about that. Right, we definitely did talk about that. Amir mentioned it, I'm not saying he didn't mention it, I'm just saying we didn't dwell on it. I don't really get the frenzy aspect. Frantic is what I was saying.

I think it's like 50,000 people sort of being packed in tightly, yelling, screaming, and the towel waving. Is it enjoyable if no one's putting money on it? I'm curious about that too. I can't imagine. I think when you feel like I do, which is that I'm part of the team and that we're all friends, I feel like it's easy to go from friends to being a frenzy. And I definitely don't feel like I do, which is that I'm part of the team and that we're all friends. I feel like it's easy to go from friends to being a friend. I definitely don't feel like that.

It's gainful though because I get to say I was there. And you can't afford to go to the World Series. Are you guys privy to any of the social dynamics between the men's teams? Because I know with women's sports, a lot of the teammates are dating each other, or are exes, or just get engaged mid-season, or, you know, there's this whole other thing that you're watching. Yeah. Well, I think for me, it's like... There's not that at all, and I'd love to see some of that happen.

But there's baseball wives. There's baseball wives, which they talk about a lot. They all seem to be wet, even the 22-year-olds. It's hard because Carlos Mendoza is a new... Yeah. He's a new manager, basically. I'm not super interested in the wags, but... Yeah, I mean a new... He's a new manager, basically. He actually came from the Yankees. I'm not super interested in the wags, but...

Sometimes their fashion's good in other sports. What about when they all kind of spray each other? Spray each other with what? With wine. Where? In the locker room after a win. After the win, all the wives spray each other with wine? All the players, really.

Champagne. Why is there a player named Will Smith? After the win, all the wives spray each other with wine? All the players really. Oh. Champagne. After a series with. Why is there a player named Will Smith? And that's what I said. I said wine. And he's sort of the opposite of Will Smith. Yeah, did they ever talk about that?

Yeah, he looks like that guy who's like the tech entrepreneur who's trying to make himself like 18 again. What do you guys think about doping? Does the end justify the means? I don't think so, I think it disqualifies I think ultimately it's fine if you don't get caught. If you don't get caught, it doesn't disqualify you, but if you do, it does. Because Barry Bond is not in the Hall of Famer.

You want to be juiced up and ready to go. I would say a lot of it has to do with having a good relationship with Christ. The only thing I really know about that is just from the Batch Brothers. You end up hitting a lot more Grand Slams. Right, Mark McGuire. And he was like, yes, go. I kind of want to know what it feels like to be juiced up. Right, like to try steroids.

Should we do, because sometimes people do like. Maybe clip that out and sort of run it on social. You could do human growth hormone November. Is that what creatine is? No, this is a hormone. H on H march. That's really good. Yeah, it's like a march of coins. In my high school health class, we had to watch a video

about how steroids were dangerous, and Ben Affleck, undiscovered at that time, was the main boy. And he was a baseball player, and the Roids overtook his personality and things got really scary. He lost sight of the love of the game. Yeah. And then he found the joy of Duncan and cigarettes.

Yeah, and God. And God, yeah Christ I was gonna say. Cause I feel like Nimmo, Brandon Nimmo comes up to his walkout song is like, I'm a child of God, I'm a child of God. And then he sometimes does well. Are there any good walkout songs, by the way? Everyone I've heard about is just like...

He comes up to his own walkout song. His walkout song is his own song. Oh, my God. When Nimo's lost, do they say they're finding Nimo? That's really good. I wonder if he's ever late and they say they're finding Nimmo? And they're like, can someone please find Nimmo? Dory's another player on the Mets.

That's not true. That's not a real person. Guys, what was the highlight of last week's Headgun Podcast episode. Was last week's? It was called Soaring Through. I didn't listen to that. Oh, Christ. That one. Obviously. To me, it was the fourth Birtle. Yeah, the fourth round of Birtle.

My highlight was a comment left on the YouTube video that was like, Hey, Jeff, can you ask Miles if you can borrow Hit Riley's, like, it was like mansplainers. Yeah, misogyny alert for every time you talk over on you. And I had to get the laugh at that. That's funny. I think someone else was also like, this is the core four, what an amazing episode, something like that. I already told Marika about this business idea,

but it's basically... You guys know meal replacement shakes? Yeah. Like Soylent? Yeah, so this would be an emotional replacement shake. And it'd be called joylent. And you're replacing your emotions with joy when you drink it?

Well, the tough part about it is the formula is still just soy. But it could be like, I don't know, a placebo effect. Or something. So it's just really, it's just so I went, but you're repackaging it as joyland. Well, we couldn't call it so I went, so I would have it was joyland. And then the market is also right.

Yeah. Yeah. I'm agreeing with the products the same. You know, you guys, you come on the show, you expect me to like come at you guys. Sometimes I agree and you still react like I've been like negating what you're saying. I'm going with you and Christ. Okay. Joy Lynn would be the shake. It is mostly soy with a little bit of, you know,

marketing to boot that makes you kind of smile. It's like mad happy. Right. Well, the joy gets you through the soy because the shake doesn't taste very good. Maybe it gets you through lunch. That's really good. That's all you do. We could sort of promote disordered eating to by being like

to have one joy lent per day for 40 days, and that's your penance really. Yeah, you're giving up food. Only one, wow. And joy in a way. It's your only joy of the day is the soy. Right. I'm on the Soylent subreddit to see

if people are still drinking this stuff, because it used to be so ubiquitous, and I haven't heard much about it. I mean, you had it all the time. Yeah, in like 2015, 2016. The top post is Soylent Coffee Chai, further delayed. Were we talking about this on last week's episode about a dirty chive? Where it's espresso poured over a bed of scallions.

All right. Well, we'll take a break. Dirty dry today. Espresso poured over a bed of scow. We're back. Welcome to a new game show that I like to call. Sorry, that's the wrong. Welcome to Never Have I Ever. This is everyone's favorite party game. There's no pun. It's just never have I ever.

All right. You guys ready? Basically, I'm sure you all know, but for any listeners who don't, you just put a finger down if it's something you have done right. Let's start with five. Go from there. OK. Ready? You guys have to buy into this, by the way. Yeah. Amir. Nice. OK. You don't get a bye.

You don't get six. It's just five. All right. Never have I ever sought comfort in the arms of a chair. See, this is where I get confused. You put a finger down if you have done it. If you have. You've never sought comfort in like a.

The arms of one chair? No, not the arms of one. OK. Specifically, the arms. Yeah. Yeah. Never have I ever enjoyed from start to finish the throws of emotional conflict. I don't really. That's going to be the thumbnail, by the way, is Marika scowling at the idea of enjoying an argument from start to finish, by the way. You love it every second of it.

That's rare. Yeah, I don't like how rare is that? Yeah, that's pretty rare. Right. Never done it. Never have I ever been able to sustain an advertiser's attention, let alone a potential lover's. An advertiser's attention? Yeah, we haven't had any ads on this show since June. Yeah, I guess I'll put a finger down.

That seemed unrelated to what you said. What do you mean? I said never have I ever been able to sustain the attention of an advertiser or lover. Yep. Yep. Still five for me, then. I guess I'll keep mine down. Never have I ever worn a suit to dinner. I guess I've done that. Weddings don't count.

Weddings don't count. Oh, okay. I mean going to dinner and because you're going to dinner, you put on a suit. Oh, I've done that. Like if it's a fancy restaurant. For what? For like a brisket.

No, brises are during the day. Really? Yeah. What about the dinner after the day. Really? Yeah. What about the dinner after the bris? It's usually a brunch. Then after the bris, it's the after dinner. Then after the dinner, it's in a morrow bar.

Has Jeff talked about reading in steak houses on the podcast? Oh. Does he do that? Is that your new thing? Off-limits alert. Off-limits alert. Sorry, we're getting a little too close to the... So vague.

That's too personal. I left out a lot of information. Next question. oh, chicken. Yes, cats, the arms of a chair. The only place I want to take her is Katz deli. All right. Never have I ever been deposed and or tired. I'm always tired.

I've been tired. And you say, there you go. Yeah, nice. Marika's almost out. All right. Never have I ever drawn a stranger slash butter. Drawing butter or just

just like someone you don't know and melted butter? I've done both those in my life. Yeah, I've drawn strangers. You guys are about to be out. Amir's about to win. This sucks. Never have I ever bid on war memorabilia. Just put in a bid. Not one, not own.

Yeah. Just put in a bid, not one, not own that guy. Just put in a bid. Never have I ever been jealous of myself in five years. Can you imagine like me at 34? That's not no, that's not correct. 3332. Can you imagine me at 34. That's not no, that's not correct at all. Three thirty two. Can you imagine me at 32? Honestly, no.

I mean, just flip me off. I did not see that probably roughly the same person. But by then, I'll be like a fucking athletics fan or something. Yeah, no, it's all about our Mets. There's like a movement happening and I I'm starting it. All right. Never have I ever made polite conversation at a monument. I never have.

OK. Never have I ever thought of myself as an essayist. Never in my life. Ali. No, I would think I would say there's a point where I wanted to be one, but actually thinking I am. No. Okay. Never have I ever taken Tylenol as if it was some sort of antidote to headaches.

I've taken Tylenol. Yeah, I've taken... Yeah, I guess I'm out. I took Tylenol recently. Same. Alright! Thank God! You got one. Very good, very good.

Alright, round two. Round two of Never Have I Ever. Five fingers down. No, there's one. No, we have to get second place. Alright, Ali's out. Here we go. I was too.

Okay, well, Amir, let's just see if you get out on this one. This one's worth two. Double or nothing for this one, Amir, let's just see if you get out on this one. This one's worth two. Double or nothing for this one, which is, never have I ever done a double take at what you thought was a baby, but turned out to be a house. Never. How does that work? Yeah! Oh, yeah! Oh, yeah!

Yeah! Welcome to... You guys familiar with Two Truths and a Lie? Yeah. Yeah. This is a game I like to call Three Lies. Got it. Oh, my God. Come on, guys. This is close. I'm loving it. It's instead of like two truths and one lie where you have to figure out

like the needle in the lie stack, this is three lies. And so what are we trying to figure out? We're trying to figure out who comes up with the funniest three bunches of lies slash honeyist bunches of oats. About ourselves or just lies in general? I feel like the comment section is going to agree with me. I'm not getting any energy from any of you guys. Maybe Ali is bringing the heat, but not Amir or Marika.

This episode is making me drowsy. I can't really explain it. That's because we did it in the afternoon. That is not my fucking fault. It's because of the scheduling of this shit, which by the way, I didn't even do. Yeah. I wonder.

Because like the more I hear you talk, the sleepier I get. You're like a lullaby man. I don't really know. We forgot to do this. And it's on topic of what you're talking about. My Bond of the Week is Matthew Acton Smith, which I think is why Amir is feeling drowsy, because he's the CEO of the Calm app. Imagine a James Bond who's kind of at ease because he meditates or not. I really feel like you did this before.

And wouldn't that be really sad if that was true? I think it'd be kind of consistent. My bond of the week is gonna be Big Bird. That also feels familiar. All right, Three lies. Let's start with Marika. Come on.

Somebody's response to a segment on a podcast. Yeah. Going first. Are they supposed to be about me? or just lies in general? Just yeah, I guess lies about you or in general.

Amir is, I guess, typing his lies. Just want to remember them. Yeah, that's smart. You had time to prepare, I guess, typing his lies. Just wanted to remember them. Yeah, that's smart. You had time to prepare, I guess. First lie would be... I attended high school for four years. Kind of boring. Could probably do better if I had more time to prepare.

Now. Second lie is I love bananas. Third lie... is... I... am... feeling good today. I like this segment.

I feel mid. All right, I guess. Well, they are all lies, so there's no game. Right. That was the whole point. Well, no, it goes in rounds and then we come like we all have to like vote on who's the whole point. Well, no, it goes in rounds, and then we come, like, we all have to, like, vote on who's the funniest or... That's news to me. All right, here's mine. Line number one is I attended four years of high school. Pretty boring.

Um... Line number two is I've never been to Portland. And line number three is that I'm loving how you guys are treating me. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Okay, three lies. So the yeah, basically we vote on the third one is the lie. Yeah, they are also the first two. Yeah, that's funny. That's funny. I wonder if this takes away the intrigue of the game. Like you basically figure the one interesting thing about the game has been removed. Yes. Now it's just the opposite of three things that are true.

If later today, Avital is like, how was the record? You'll be like, it was good until Jeff Spade Joy. Ali? My three lies. Liza Minnelli is my mom. It's kind of funny. That's okay. It's not true. Let's see. I hate soup and I understand, uh, long division.

Okay. Okay. A mirror. Bring it. No follow ups. Just three sentences. Bring us home. Bring us home. I once bought a cat. I accidentally killed a frog. And I had a sandwich today.

All right. I think Jeff's microphone and camera are off. But... It's hard to say, hard to say. He's definitely hiding. He's hiding. But will the grand reveal be worth it? There's no way. He like put his thumb over the lens and it stayed there.

It seems kind of hard to do. Well, it's one of those like mic or not mics. Oh, like cover. Yeah, they slide over. And he's back. No reveal. Yeah, no change really. I thought something would happen.

Sorry, I had to go like emotionally self-regulate myself. I got like really upset at you guys. What did you do to self-soothe? Because our lies weren't funny. Because Amir's lies weren't true. That's the whole definition of a lie. Right. Guys, it's round one is done.

Who do we think won? No one. I guess Ali. Yeah, I guess I'd vote for Ali. That's cool. I don't know, you guys. I liked... Like, thanks, but I don't think I earned it. I liked Marika saying... I feel like if anything, like... I'm enjoying this was fun.

I didn't say that. Hahahaha! October 28th, Monday, Brooklyn, Littlefield, we have a show. Buy your tickets or don't. Sell this shit out for us. Hey, hey, I'm Lamorne Morris. And I'm Kyle Shevrin. And we're here interrupting your workout to tell you about the Lamorning After podcast, now on HeadGum.

That's right. Every Wednesday a new episode drops and we- wait, Lamorne, what are you doing over there? It's nothing, just polishing my Emmy. Why? Because we're now the only official HeadGum podcast hosted by an Emmy winner. Is that true? Probably not. But Jake Johnson's on Head Headgum podcast hosted by an Emmy winner. Is that true? Probably not.

But Jake Johnson's on Headgum. Does he have an Emmy? No. But he has been a guest on the La Morning After. Which might be an even bigger honor. I mean, and we have other amazing guests like Glenn Powell, Raven Simone, the cast of New Girl, and many, many more. Plus we play games, we tell stories, we poll the fans.

For questions. We poll them for questions, nasty. Just polling them constantly. Up and down, sideways, backwards. It's a lot less weird than it sounds. You'll see. Subscribe to The Morning After on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, Pocket Casts, or wherever you get your podcasts. And watch video episodes on YouTube. New episodes drop every Wednesday.