The Headgum Podcast - 23: Gourd Aisles

Episode Date: November 6, 2020

Marty, Amir, Marika, and Geoff discuss the Fall harvest, their election predictions, and gourd aisles! Then they play a round of Aut' or Nutumn!Advertise on The Headgum Podcast via Gumball.fmWe have new merch in the Headgum store! Rate The Headgum Podcast 5-stars on Apple Podcasts.Join the Headgum Discord.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Original. Marika, you weren't here. You're on on the show not just like overseeing the show right like we're talking to you or you don't like being on this this might be a she's arguably a co-host okay i don't like being on this uh thoughts on the mattress ad read we had a a peanut gallery for the mattress read. I thought I did great. I thought you did the ad. I did the absolute minimum.

Hi, I'm Marty Michael from Why Won't You Date Me? You may have heard me from Why Won't You Date Me? My roommate was like, now that I know that this is your boss, I can't finish this episode. You trying to take the title of CEO away from me was interesting for an ad read. What if I did Nicole Byer? Like, what if I did an impression? And so, like, I'm on Conan, right? And I'm like, all I want is a big dick.

You know what? That doesn't work. So, I was watching a new show the other day called The Unicorn and she was on that. She's everywhere. She's so famous. Do you think she's dating her work? Sorry. Have we started yet? We did a natural slide in.

Yeah. We've been going for two minutes. It's the HeadGum Podcast. And that's the song. Okay. A lot of that was unusable. So maybe we should just, let's say like this is the beginning. And then you don't say that you want a big dick.

Yeah, three, two, one. All I want is a big that absolute horse cock this is the head gum podcast this is really good this might be our best episode so far just so far i know i really yeah i still don't know if it started the bar is so low it's insane yeah last time i i left sweating i was so just distraught from the experience i just show one was a particularly bad episode, I think. It was particularly chaotic. I had no idea what I was getting into

and it was an ambush. That's how people feel even if you know what you're getting into. I will say that this episode is a little bit more toned down. And I know I say that sometimes and then Marika afterwards was like, that was toned down?

But this one is pretty chill. Just because last week's Halloween Spooktacular was so off the rails amazing. What's that? I just made a noise amir update us with i don't know like things that you've been toying with ideas you've been tossing around maybe it's an idea for a series maybe it's an idea for like a new workout program maybe it's an idea for a way to like i don't know rekindle your marriage looking into this fake melania, do you think that's accurate? Like, are they actually using body doubles and hoping nobody finds out?

Does it like not matter? Because it's just like he can say, yeah, that was a different friend of mine. Is he trying to pass her off as a Melania? Not quite sure. More like shallow fake, right? Yeah. Is that is this a deep like, I guess this person kind of looks like Chrissy Teigen wearing really big sunglasses and she's kissing the president after a rally.

So they are trying to pass her off as Melania. Is it possible that this is Melania? And she just happens to have like a weird face day? We should say that it's October 30th. And when this, so the election has not happened yet. Oh. And by the time this episode comes, the election will have happened.

Oh, oh, okay. Should we take a bet? Should we take a bet right now? This is a very strange time capsule. I think we should take a bet. Here's the bet. I'm not even asking if there's a,

who won. I'm going to ask you guys, do you think we'll know who the next president will be by the time this episode comes out on Friday, November 6th, is it? November 5th, 6th?

I think we will. You think we'll have is it november 5th 6 i think we will you think we'll have an answer yes i don't think we will i think that we will i think that if we don't our country will be in big trouble yeah and you can quote me on that so when you're listening and the world is burning i win the bet yeah marty's marty's head is on a fucking stick outside of his house the civil war War II has broken out. With a big smile, a winner's smile. The fence never went back up in time. Yeah. It's hard to imagine a world where enough states have counted every vote by Friday and we know definitively who the winner is. But we've never had an election where we don't know the

winner on election night. So I'm just so confused how we can get so far removed from that. I mean, okay, I understand what you're saying. Wasn't 2000 the Florida situation? That took months, didn't it? But we knew a winner and they were going back to look at it all again, right? Yeah, but I think if every state is like Florida this time around, so it's not just Florida, it's like Florida, Pennsylvania, Michigan, Wisconsin, and they're all waiting and they're like,

oh, don't count these votes. Count these votes. Wait, I'm up by 2000. I'm down. I think it's going to be Joe Jorgensen by a landslide. By a landslide? What's that? Not in a landslide. A unique disaster to the election. It's going to be Joe Jorgensen falling on a landslide

and not getting a single county. The landslide won Joe Jorg. And I've been counting ballots and I didn't see one for Jorg.

That's a song, Marty, called Landslide. Oh, yeah, I never heard of it. We always end up coming up with good jokes on this show, but ones that just would not have any legs outside of this podcast. No, that's why the podcast doesn't have legs, bro. I think that's the entire

network's mo. That's the network's. Emo. That's our current mood. Landslide is by Fleetwood Mac as well. They're having a fucking renaissance. They did that. Are they getting paid for all this? How does this happen?

Do you get paid on TikTok for that? No, I don't think on TikTok. Like Fleetwood definitely got cash for the ad though. Did you guys see the ad during the finals? Yeah, no, you definitely get cash for that. Yeah, there's ads and now there's like people are downloading the song it's like making a resurgence so they are making some residual dough but i think the money that they got paid for tiktok was already paid right pre-using the video but landslide is a perfect one for the election wait so tiktok pays

for the rights to all the music that's on tiktok yeah or they use such a small amount of the song that they don't have to pay much that makes sense all right i'm gonna start this is our first segment it's a mini segment it's called marika has the floor or sorry it's it's marika takes the reins i'm gonna set a timer for a minute and a half and uh marika nobody else can talk i'm gonna mute everybody on the zoom and marika just kind of you have you have to be kidding me here we go jeff is holding up a timer like on his iPhone and I have a minute 23 to speak and I hate this um I mean we were talking about TikTok a second ago and I've recently gotten into the niche and

I feel like this is a bet this is better as a conversation but I'm being forced to not actually have any back and forth but I've gotten into the niche of what Amir's telling me to do stuff he's starting the timer over the timer started over um

I've gotten into the niche on TikTok of like pop punk TikTok and I think I'm going to on TikTok of like pop punk TikTok. And I think I'm going to go back to like being emo again by the end of the year. I feel like I'm going to revert back to my full high school self. I don't think I'll participate in pop punk punk TikTok. But that's just been my vibe as of late and spent a lot of hours perusing that area. A minute left and there's really not much else to say. And everyone is laughing at me, obviously.

Jeff has an alert on his phone from TikTok. He received a message, which is cool. Yeah. Other than that, you you know everything's grand all right that's enough of that that's good of course it was enough at the within the first 10 minute or 10 seconds uh this is into our first main segment so it is at the time of recording it is october 30th, like we said, but by the time this is released, it'll be November 6th. Right.

So that's obviously the beginning of the fall harvest. Who cares? I'm wondering because obviously we're not farmers. Right. I have an herb garden, but I don't use it. I wonder what we're going to harvest this year if it's not plants. Oh, God. So this segment is called harvest from quarantine this

year has obviously been crazy right from march till now people have been adopting new hobbies there's been different trends adults are on tiktok etc things that might not have happened probably wouldn't have happened if there wasn't lockdown quarantine etc what from quarantine what habits styles hobbies things you learned are you gonna harvest from quarantine and keep going even post covid what a labor transition fuck do you mean harvest today's the harvest and what habits from quarantine are you gonna keep going like like zoom parties do you think zoom parties will continue after covid i really hope not i hope not that's you can't you're not gonna reply to that you're just gonna let that sit no i'm thinking about it because i think like i don't know tomorrow i'm zooming with like riley and her friends and well they're my

friends too riley and a couple friends We're doing like your zoom bombing. Yeah. They don't know I'm coming. And we're doing the thing. I paid Daniel Rashid a thousand dollars. Pretty cheap. Actually. I know how desperate you are,

but it's kind of nice. You know, it's been a long week for old Jeff and it's nice that I don't have to drive anywhere. I don't have to Uber anywhere, Uber everywhere, you know, but I'll just be at this desk on zoom and i can leave whenever i want so you you're telling us that you want to do that

when you can leave your house i mean i don't know i have friends all over the place as do all of you guys so it's just like i wonder if we could have zoom parties after covid with friends who don't live nearby you know um you're also like talking to people that are on zoom for most of the day every day sorry what hobby am i gonna harvest is the question was zoom zooming zoom you guys aren't gonna bake sourdough i have not done the bread thing i i must say i never i never started and i never finished it i just you never got the starter bread you would never got the starter never got the finisher and it was a non-starter i did do the the herb the basil the sage um gardening trying to do those drawers done uh i the drawers are there they're on the floor i like your idea of like mounting them to the wall there yeah but i

haven't done that yet you gotta get the l bracket like i told you indoor or outdoor yeah well i've been told that like i had a few i have a few gardening questions because one everyone says you gotta like these herbs thrive in the outdoor sometimes i take them outdoor and they die instantly and then i see people like having them inside and they're flourishing they're doing great so like they don't necessarily need the outdoor and then i see some um um blogs say you can't you don't want to overwater these herbs because they'll shrivel up and die. And then other people are like, you can just put them directly into water and they'll thrive. So it's like, how can you overwater an herb and then also it would thrive completely submerged in water? That seems to be like the maximum amount of water.

So there's like very conflicting reports about how I'm supposed to grow this stuff. So there's like very conflicting reports about how I'm supposed to grow this stuff. I've done very good with basil, very bad with sage. And I don't really understand why one is doing well and why one is doing poorly. That's great. Yeah. George Saba, my roommate, he's doing some plant potted herbs and he did it outside for a while. They caught an incurable virus. Yeah, root rot.

Yeah, in a way. And so then he reseeded them inside and yeah they're flourishing so it feels like it also depends on like the terroir you know what i mean like living off the land understanding not only that you you know you have to understand where the light is and like obviously you have to figure out like where you know in conjunction with the sun and like obviously like you said you don't want to over water you don't want underwater but it's all about understanding you don't want to over stand either though that's the only overstand might end up neglecting the plans I'm wondering if there's a way

where you you kind of get it you understand that this is your plot of land and you have to figure it out yeah just you have to gain the same like doing research being good at it that sort of thing, the research has led me astray sometimes. That's almost more specific. I think I have to trial by error. Yeah. No, what you said didn't make sense. That's almost more specific.

I hate to zero in on that one thing because it had the tone of someone that was actually helping the conversation along. But then if I stopped to think about it, that's actually more specific means nothing towards what I said. I said, I have to learn basically as I go and not just understand from blogs. And you said, yeah, that's actually more specific. So, I guess the floor is yours to explain to me exactly what you meant by that. Did it come out the way you wanted it to come out or did you like this?

Well, it's kind of like, you know, I had it like in my head, I was like, I got this. And then when I end up saying it, it's more like word vomit word salad oh my god that's my entire life i i propagated a mint plant from like i stuck it in water and then it grew grew roots and then i moved it to a pot with soil and stuff and it's it's thriving but it was only like one stock so it's very there's like a ton of really tiny stocks coming off of it that are just like weighing it down on one side and i can't i've tried like cutting them and trying the water thing again and i haven't been able to do it they don't grow roots out of the you gotta put a little toothpick to hold the hold them up steady like rubber band them to a toothpick so he's he's growing up yeah because it's also about

structure well oh yeah it's also about the structure of how you grow them and kind of right you don't have to go into you don't have to go into this it's about understanding i do have i do have a thing that is propping it up but it's not really going to help at the end of the day because you know these are like two feet long and they only have one little stock that is holding two feet long mint plants yeah it's just like real stringy, just falling down. You don't need more than one tooth pick. It's almost like a vine at this point. I take my advice back.

You were talking about gardening. TikTok is great for gardening advice. There's some videos on there. Avital saw one where you stick a sweet potato in water and it grows like a chia pet, like leaves start growing out of it. We tried it a month ago and there's roots coming out of the bottom to suck the water and there's like a full start growing out of it we tried it a month ago and there's roots coming out

of the bottom to suck the water and there's like a full tree growing out so like these basils and herbs that i'm like cultivating and like looking and researching and trying to like keep alive one leaf at a time and then next to it is just this fucking yam and a vase that's like flourishing and exploding and doing so well sometimes it's like that's your zoom that's your zoom that's what you're gonna take out of quarantine you're gonna take your monster potato or whatever that's cool that's really cool and i urge you guys to try it at home stick a yam in a vase and see what happens it's foolproof it's idiot dad has gotten really into farming and uh for my birthday sent me a bunch of things including a bag of peanuts that he grew in his own garden and I let them go bad

and I'm so ashamed. Oh, that's the thing about me. Homegrown peanuts. I don't know how peanuts grow. I don't know where they come from. Yeah, is it like a plant or tree? Is it in the ground? Is it a tree? The peanut shell

is in the ground and it just kind of sprouts up some green stuff. It's not quite a bush but it's's like so you pluck it from the ground and then you clean it up yeah what about beans uh i think it depends on the beans but i think i don't know thinking of like green beans those grow and i guess they all have stocks but like when i'm thinking like refried beans or kidney beans how How's that happening? Those come from inside the bean. That's inside. Also from a stock.

Inside the shell. Yeah. It's gotta be. My dad also grows like field peas and stuff like that in his garden. Field peas. He's gotten really into heritage farming. What's that? And like farming plants that are native to Georgia and the heritage.

Is heritage farming when you plant a family tree? Sacks. That's an inside joke I don't get. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. You know, if you had an extra hour in your day, a lot of people would spend that very differently than the one sitting next to them. Maybe person A would go for a run,

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But it should be simple. That's why for the last three years I've been taking AG1, just one scoop and a cup of water mixed around every day, no exceptions. And it helps me feel, you know, energized, focused, ready to take on the day. Like I'm doing one powerfully healthy habit that's also powerfully simple. I know that AG1 gives my body high-quality nutrition because every batch goes through a rigorous testing process so that you know it's safe. And their ingredients are sourced for potency, absorption, and nutrient density,

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You know Johnny is short for jaundiceice this is my time to thrive stop talking about johnny johnny i mean his teeth did his eyes did look a little yellow on the zoom meeting yesterday it's john his eyes his eyes yeah it's white none of those things get yellow with jaundice yeah your skin yellow it's just your skin your eyes get i think blue it goes well i think eyes is true all right so marty you run into a karen at the grocery oh sorry i have to run him through what this game is we run you through a couple scenarios and you just tell us what marty would do and then cool you get an american chime in great marty you run into a karen at the grocery store what would marty do avoid avoid the answer. Avoid the situation. You wouldn't insert yourself and make it worse?

No. Okay. It's funny how all of us can differ. You know what I mean? We're all buds, but that's not what I would do. Oh, I thought we were all going to say we differ about what I would do. Yeah, that seems to be the confusing part of the game. I don't know where it's getting lost in translation, I guess.

A package of yours gets stolen. What would Marty do? Hold on. Nobody had to chime in on the last one. They don't have to. No. Yeah, I think. Well, I think you were really trying to set yourself up for explaining what you would do in the situation.

Now I do. Are you shitting me? The game is called What Would Marty Do? Well, let's hear what you would do. Karen store. What? I would just start yelling exactly what she's yelling at her and then give her a taste of her own medicine but it's not just like an echo chamber for her making her feel more powerful well no because i'm yelling it at her so i'm like mirroring her and she's like stop copying me i'm

like stop copying me you know what i mean like oh and then she just it's like and then it's like go on get and then she like kind of gets she gets kicked out of the store both of you do because you're also yelling. But I really needed the yams because I was going to put them in a jar. Meanwhile, Marty is shopping away. And you're checking out without a problem. Mask on, baby. All right.

A bartender gets your order wrong, but they're really hot. You skip the package one. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Package of yours gets stolen. You skipped it. Package of mine gets stolen what do i do yeah contact the shipper really no brainer no brainer yeah yeah that's easy shipper yeah

i'm here i've done this without losing the package what do you mean you'll say something and they send you another one i want to explicitly say it on the air but yeah on the air so you've gotten like do you have to return the original one when it does come or you just sort of keep the second one you're talking about the one that i lost yeah just did air quotes so you didn't lose it well how would i return yeah ship it back yes i do see another microphone in the background there is that just one you you're not using or you're gonna sell that one on ebay or something that one got lost all right a bartender gets your order wrong, but they're really hot.

Drink it, obviously. Obviously. That's cool. Well, it's a good conversation starter for the next time. That was so good. And exactly what I ordered. I'll have another one. Meanwhile, I'm allergic to carrot.

What drink would have carrot in it? Oh, Marika. Marika. Welcome to LA. Everything's got carrot over here. You never had a hot bunny? You know, carrots grow on the ground like peanuts carrot juice whiskey lemon lukewarm you know how there's whiskey sours this is a whiskey saltine so it'll be like it'll be rye on rye with a carrot on the side

have you ever been to semi-tropic jeff with you several times yes yeah yeah and I remember when no I know that's yeah yeah I think also same yeah your favorite bar have you been there yeah with you again somewhere okay cool so remember when we all went and we got the carrot drink I don't remember getting it I think you maybe

got it I didn't even try it all I remember is me most of the time so it makes sense all right in an attempt to get childhood joy back you buy a slip and slide however on your first slide you barely go forward three feet this isn't hypothetical this yeah this happened to me this has happened to me several times yeah i actually have a very nice degree a choice slip and slide well i just have like a very nice i have a choice degree of slope in my yard yeah for this exact scenario and you're gonna set one up no cool all right the fire marshal tries to take control during a fire drill but you feel you sort of know better this is true this is that this is what i mean it's true it's a question yeah true it's a true. What do you mean it's true? It's a question. Yeah, true. It's a true question.

What? I know a lot about fire safety. I don't think so. I wasn't trained. I mean, I did. I got trained by the fire marshal when I was a kid. But I always, then I, when you get older, you can just know better than them. You grew up in one of the wettest cities in America.

How can you possibly know so much about fire safety? It like rains nine months out of the year in Portland. What fires are there? Global warming has changed that, Amir. know so much about fire safety. It like rains nine months out of the year in Portland. What fires are there? Global warming has changed that, Amir. And the fact that you haven't visited to know that does hurt. I'm so sorry. I can't leave my house is all.

This pandemic has ravaged our travel plans. I saw you last week. But in LA. Yeah, you were running around the streets. You were one of those guys with like no shirt on,

sweating heavily, doing the running thing with no mask and just like yelling at people. That was a on, sweating heavily, doing the running thing with no mask. That was a Lakers parade. Yelling at people. So I had to celebrate with my boys. There were a lot of fireworks. There's been a lot of fireworks in LA recently, especially near me. It's because we keep winning.

There are a lot of Dodger fans around us. So Marty and I both texted each other because we both heard our neighbors. We live like two blocks away from each other. And I heard my neighbors go like the fuck is happening. I go outside and then I hear that it's cheering and I see the fireworks. I'm like, oh, the Dodgers won. So that's how I found out. You texted me.

There aren't. You texted me. There aren't people at the stadium, right? People were tailgating the parking lot in their cars. But is that even possible? Isn't that the COVID testing site? Yeah, but only in were tailgating the parking lot in their cars, I think. But is that even possible? Isn't that the COVID testing site? Yeah, but only in that one part of the parking lot. The parking lot over there is crazy big.

All right. That makes sense. Marty, you renew your driver's license, but your middle name is suddenly legally changed to Luther. What would Marty do? I don't have a middle name, so it would be the addition of a middle name. Oh okay cool.

You'd be fine with that. This has been What Would Marty Do? You have to sing this song. Do the package one again. Ask you that question again? I just feel like that was my best answer i'd like to do it again we have another game we have another segment if you

can believe it it's called hot or not fall edition right no yeah i don't know fall or not fuck um what about ought or not a ut like autumn or not Why don't you fucking host the show, man? That was pretty good. He should host the show, actually. I mean, I'm not too good at thinking about the segments, but, like, I'm pretty good at, like, naming them. If you want to send them to me early, I can come up with, like, titles.

Like, W.W. Marty do. Yeah. That would have been pretty good. Top-down decision. Amir is the new host of the show. God damn it. People rejoice. Marty and his neighbors come out.

It's a firework. People rejoice. Marty and his neighbors come out. It's a firework. All right. Ot or not? Way better. I'm going to list off some things. You guys tell me whether it's autumn or not. Turtlenecks with shorts. Ooh, ot, ot, ot, ot, ot.

Ot. Marty says ot. What? The shorter the turtle, the better. So a crew neck. A mock. A deep, deep. Dish. V. V. A deep V turtleneck.

With a high, high, high. T. Short. Marika, Amir, what about you? Turtlenecks with shorts. I guess. I'm a turtleneck and chain person myself. Shout out to the Lonely Island. I think turtleneck and shorts is pretty odd to me. Autumnal.

I don't think I've ever seen anyone wear that combination of items. I think it's an LA thing. Is that like an LA thing? Really? That's insane. I haven't seen it either. Why do you even need to wear a turtleneck there? It's chilly.

Having a cigarette behind your ear, but never smoking. Ooh. Not. Not. Smoking's not cool. Smoking's not cool. Smoking's not cool. But having the cigarette. Wait, are we saying hot?

Or are we saying this is hot? Or just something specific to autumn? I guess, like, is it a trend that you foresee for autumn? Right. Okay. Not, obviously. Yeah. Not autumn.

My favorite season is not him so the three seasons other than fall naughty autumn that's good that's like hot girl summer naughty girl autumn naughty boy autumn I wrote you two letters back in autumn you must not have got him

that's really good Stan hotter not him autumn that's the that's the name of the show Yeah, it's from Stan. Otter Nottum. Otter Nottum. That's the name of the show. Otter Nottum. It's about otters in the springtime. In Rotterdam. All right, conversations about moving, but never actually moving.

That's like the story of your life. That's the name of your autobiography. I guess you do also move a lot. As soon as you get somewhere, you look up where you can move and then eventually move within 9 to 12 months. What are you running away from? Which is a bad time. No, it's more like 9 to 11 months. It's never the full term. It's never

the full calendar year. The problem is wherever you move, you're there. So like no place is perfect. Right? I would agree. Your backdrop is a perfect testament to that. it's so bad it looks fake yeah and so does your front drop oh yeah your face wherever you move you're there you're not like you are not well that's the whole thing is that i think i move like i the move i thought like i always think it'll make me feel at the very least at an equilibrium finally or, you know, best case scenario, joy.

This neighborhood was great till you came. Then COVID happened. Yeah, that's true. That is actually the day I'm, the two days after I moved. All right. Donating to Black Lives Matter causes, even though the focus has shifted. Shifted to what? I guess the election and, you know, Amy Coney Barrett, et cetera.

It's all tied into each other, but I just fear that people have, our momentum is slowed. It's an easy ought for me. That's an ought. That's what I, this was, I shoehorned this in here to get people to keep donating. That's good. All right, calling your mother just cause. It's a not for me. It's fair.

Tackle. My mom calls me too much already. I don't know if I need to call her back. The action of doing the call seems like a burden. And my mother probably recognizes that and calls me as much as she needs to. How often do you talk to your mom? Every 35 minutes or so. Every 35 minutes or so?

Sometimes it's 36, I guess. How do you get anything done? That math doesn't check out because then if there's a 35-minute break and then you get on the phone for 35 minutes or 40 minutes or 20 minutes, then she calls back 15 minutes later. Hold on. Oh, here we go. There she is.

Let's see how she treats him. Is it going to be positive? Janet, long time, first time. No, doing the podcast. The podcast? She knows you're talking 30 34 minutes should be perfect yeah thanks mom ask her she's proud of you jeff wants to know if you're proud of me she knows jeff she already hung up she's not yeah obviously she did all right bumper stickers

not you have you basically have the most glorified bumper sticker of all of us oh what's that it's blumenfeld don't try to run away i don't have a bumper sticker of all of us. What's that? It's true. Blumenfeld. Don't try to run away. I don't have a bumper sticker. You have a vanity plate. You have a custom license plate. Yeah, but that's not a bumper sticker. It's the most sticker of bumper stickers. Agree to disagree.

This is the only time I've actually seen something get to a mirror. This is absurd. I resent the accusation. It's not an accusation. It just is. It's not. You have it. Marika, it tie breaking vote vanity plate bumper sticker not obviously

yeah I mean it's like the holy grail of bumper stickers absolutely not can't ask for a tie breaking vote and then disagree with what the vote is well this is the problem I demand a recount I'm gonna have a cabal of my seven closest friends weigh in, agree

with me, and then have it my way. And there's nothing you can do to stop it. McDonald's style. That's cool. And unscented candles. What do those smell like? Just fire? They don't smell like anything. What do you mean? It's just wax. It burns and there's no scent. It doesn't change anything.

Alright. It's not. It's absolutely not is the season of false sense that's no it is a parody of a michael buble song what's the craziest pumpkin thing we can make gourd aisles no you're not getting the question that's fine you don't know how to ask questions why would you know how to answer them for instance pumpkin spice latte is a thing that's pumpkin yeah what is the craziest thing we can word aisle flat white you're not getting the question oh hell not oh that's good. Like a pumpkin.

Would it be? Does it specifically have to be a food item? No. If you think that's crazy, then. I'm going to ask Marty because you clearly didn't understand. No, it's just Jeff that doesn't understand. No problem. You can answer. I think it would have to be like something that you, you know, like pumpkin water.

That sounds weird. Crazy. Right. That's pretty good. Yeah. Pumpkin LaCroix. Ooh. Now we're getting somewhere.

Jeff. Gourd Isle sparkling mountain water in a glass. weird crazy right that's pretty yeah pumpkin la croix oh now we're getting somewhere jeff gourd aisle sparkling mountain water in a glass sparkling mountain dew actually make it flat and pumpkin adieu pumpkin soda what about a pumpkin spice latte so it's an art autumnal latte but instead of milk you're using like uh almost like the cream that comes out It's an autumnal latte. I don't think you get the question either. You can decide. Instead of milk, you're using like almost like the cream that comes out. What about a pumpkin spice ote? What's that? Like oat milk latte, but it's pumpkin also.

Have you guys ever had Raylene's? What's that? It's like Bailey's, but it's made from Gord Isles. but it's made from gourd aisles. When you say gourd aisles, do you mean like A-I-S-L-E or like I-S-L-E? I-S-L-E. It's absolutely the first one. A-I-S-L-E.

What do you mean absolutely? On a street, in a beat. The idea is that when you're... Aisles of gourds? Yeah, like when you go to a Home Depot or whatever, a Trader Vons, and there's an aisle of just different shaped pumpkins, or a pumpkin patch even, and there's aisles of pumpkins. So that's pretty fall if you ask me.

I agree. Ankle socks. Ankle socks? Ot. Ankle tattoos. Not. What's when you're split 50 50 both of those feel very summery to me not when you're in la marika carrots ankle socks you guys don't have true autumn what are you talking about it's 94 degrees out i'm wearing a turtleneck and

shorts anklets kanklets. Again, why ankles? What? Why ankles? Why are you so fixed on ankles? Oh, you know what? That is funny. I didn't, I guess it was just kind of like stream of consciousness. Like, because this was towards the end of my pre-writing.

So I was kind of going a little crazy. I can't believe you actually gave this any thought. You prepped? Yeah, you prepped this? I have three pages of notes that I've been going off. Oh boy. I put a lot of time into these. It just never shows.

It does. Just in the bad way. But not in the way that you want it to. I think anklets are not because that's pretty summery to me. What about ankle braces? I actually had one of those for a while recently. What happened? Oh, because you sprained your ankle playing basketball?

Yeah. Tore a couple ligaments in the old ankle. Jesus. Pumpkin spice ligaments, for instance ankle jesus pumpkin spice ligaments for instance would be a weird one yeah gourd aisle er what's that so if you like if there's an emergency you rush to the er and then if this if it's gourd aisle style then there's just a bunch of pumpkins lining the walls it seems like you just want to live uh surrounded by pumpkins based on what you're saying you're just like creating a community and a way of life.

Oh, here's something. On Gord Isle. Why don't we call wool socks ankle turtlenecks? Yeah. Yeah. Amir left. Amir left, obviously. It was actually your best idea and he left for it, which is pretty good.

You won't even know that you had it. What about ankle homes? And it's like boots. What do you see? You're saying we rename boots to ankle homes? Yeah. Both those things exist. Well, homes and boots. Ankle homes.

You guys are giving me nothing. I don't know what to work off of here. What about Gord Isle ankle smiles? What are those? What are those? Exactly right. They're the new Jordans, but they're made out of Gord Isles. And they have the Chinatown Market smile on it.

And they go around your ankles, so that's the ankle smile part. Chinatown Market smile. You know the one with the bullet in its forehead with the blood? Yeah. And so that'll be around your cankles. A cool ankle tattoo. Really? Well, for someone who tore his ankle ligaments, kind of like a phoenix from the ashes.

I don't know if that's how I'd characterize it. Ought. Sacks. All right. Well, I think that about wraps up the show. Do you guys have anything to plug? Marty and Marika, do you guys want to talk about the state of the network?

Update people. You guys are both very involved. Is there anything you want the people to know that is in the pipeline that you can talk about or can't? I'd like Marika to go first so that I can reiterate whatever she says. This might have to be cut out, but, uh, buy tickets to Gabrus's high and mighty Thanksgiving power. He's already mentioned it on live stream.

I don't know if he's mentioned it in full, like it's actually happening. So that's fair. I feel like by next week he will have announced. We'll keep an eye on it. That was my point. You didn't need to say it again.

That's why I just said it might need to be cut out. But that's fine. Listen. Buy tickets to it. It'll be really fun. Is it on Zoom? It's going to have a lot of good people.

It's just going to be live streamed. Oh. With money going to charity. TBD. Marty, anything to plug? Anything to mention about the the network i just hope that anybody listening to this show knows that we have other shows they barely they barely do i use i've used this show to promote other shows last week we did a punch up the jam segment our second episode we did a celebrity draft i feel like i i tend to recommend a lot of shows at the end.

That's true. Hey, shout out Lackluster Video. Yeah, you were just on that. We need another happy hour where I beat an intern in a rock, paper, scissors competition for cash. Jeff came 45 minutes late to an all-hands meeting where we were having a rock, paper, scissors tournament. Won the tournament tournament took the cash and left the call early you couldn't have been a worse

participant at any level for what we were trying to accomplish with that happy hour gathering came late to the game also we like let him into the game he was around late oh yeah you got a first round bye of course you did straight to the final to be

fair it's still skill to win the competition and i had to leave to go do the ryan gall review review episode and i was late because i was prepping for the ryan gall review review episode so i wasn't like i was still helping the network the next one you didn't even come to yeah yeah i wasn't invited to for obvious reason because yeah because i would swoop in in a way well why don't i why don't we do a head gum happy hour where i host it and it's not like this it's a little less structured but it is like there are games and stuff and i come up with it it's kind of like a fall harvest festival that should be what this podcast is well i've tried to get shackle on the show for almost a fortnight and she won't she's ducking my my my emails my calls i pinged fucking johnny to come on a second time and he said i'm busy i'm full time now that's correct yeah i got

danny sellers to come on you're the only one that's still not full time that's fair you catch my drift yeah opt i i think that uh it would be really fun to do what you're talking about though to record an all hands where we all are participating for this show or just in general I think for the speed could use a boost so okay it wouldn't be this

between two ferns type thing that we've fallen into it would be earnest it should never have been is it between two ferns or thing that we've fallen into. It would be earnest. It should never have been. Is it between two ferns or is it more like Eric Andre? I look, we had George Saba on the show two weeks ago and he was like, and he had never heard it too. And he's like,

so is this what the show is supposed to be? There's this, the ambient awkwardness. And we were like, yeah, but I edited it. I edited out the awkward pause. That's 100% not true.

All right. We'll see you guys again next week. Have a great fall harvest time, man. And congratulations to our incumbent president. And we all know

who his name is and we don't even have to say it. If the world's burning by this time next week, you heard it here first, I'm the winner of the bet. Yeah. So if Trump wins, Marty wins as well that's a

great precedent to say that's not the only way the world burns but that's one option that's true that's very true all right uh we'll see you guys again next week thank you guys so much for listening yeah check out lackluster video check out uh funny feeling check out um fuck it man check out dead eyes season. Really good show. Marty, you want to sign us off? Just say some version of goodbye. Adios, amigos. Ugh. That was a Hidgum Original.