The Headgum Podcast - 234: Demise of Sand

Episode Date: December 20, 2024

Amir, Allie, and Grace join Geoff in Studio G to discuss their Thanksgiving regrets, explore Grace’s purloins, critique the work of another Geoffrey James, and play demise of sand!» FOLLOW Geoff on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/geoffreyjames/» FOLLOW Amir on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/amir/» FOLLOW Allie on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/alliekahan/» FOLLOW Grace on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/chorlesborkley/Rate The Headgum Podcast 5-stars on Apple PodcastsRate The Headgum Podcast 5-stars on SpotifyJoin the Headgum DiscordSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HITGUM original. McRib is here. People throwing parties, ugly sweaters everywhere. Stockings hung up by the chimney with care. It could only mean one thing. McRib is here. At participating McDonald's for a limited time. Previously on the HeadGum Podcast. Done on me. Wait, sorry, your in utero injury is the reason why the show might be bad for the next three years.

It was more of a remote insult to injury. Does that make sense? Yeah. And now you're using it as a- Sorry, let me check in. How's your birthday so far, Amir? I'm 41 today. There's gotta be something.

Are you gonna say there's gotta be something more to life than this? Guys, here we go again. It's the season of giving. It's the season of joy. This, they say the show must go on. This show must go on because of the joy it brings to others because of the wisdom thereof. Does that make sense or are we all following? I feel like we could get the energy up.

I don't know why it's down. Why do you think it's down? Well, we've done this intro four times and each time we thought you were recording Here's something new and interesting the way the cameras was set up we're set up There was a single on a mirror. I don't know if you guys can see that. I just turn the monitor to you There's a single for America. You I don't know if you guys can see that. I just turned the monitor to you There's a single for a mirror. Can you see that right there? Yeah close up Right also me. Yep. Oh wow. Can you not see so two? Yeah, so two cameras on me. Yeah anything on grace or alley Just all

There's a wide yeah, and then yeah, no we have a two-shot of them so we have five cameras for no reason that's awesome yeah I have one on me I have the GoPro on my ass you have one bum me how do you have access to my door dash yeah for lunch slash drunch because I had a non-alcoholic Guinness you can do that during the workday an NA sounds thick it was a. It was a malt. It was a malt to have. I'm just wondering if this might come back around later in the episode for a, you know, it's a single on a mirror, boom, close up, right?

Yeah, like if I have anything dramatic to say. If you have anything of substance to say, yeah. Okay. Jeff, is this the place to bring it up? You are kind of meant to... Incinerate, ash on the plate Salted with tears, bank in her ears Coffee, right claim, comments aflame Thanks but I'll pass, GEO up This is bullshit, where the fuck's Marika? This is bullshit, where the fuck's Marika? On on the send, on without end Ian Carmel, see you in hell

Scissor with spice stuck to the pan Shorten lifespan, burning with rage Parsi and sage, aggridity, delicicacy, Burn, rest, dry, grey, Left, cast, trick, vain, Charring, and sporge, Sear, with low torch, Texture of sand, Throb, in my gland, Cream, aged, soy, Cordu, race, joy, Incinerate, Hash, on their plate, Salted with tears, Bank, in fuck's Marika? Oh, no, they send them with a denny And come, I'll see you in hell What's that? That was really good Wow. Yeah. I love it. Holy shit.

This is bullshit where the fuck's Marika? This is bullshit where the fuck's Marika? What'd you say? G-E-O-F? I said GEOF GEOF GEOF What do you mean GEO as An evening of jazz. It was a live show you host GEO as got it. Okay Did you never even heard that episode the live show? No It was recorded audio wise, but I was told we were never gonna release it which feels like bullshit to me We're holding it hostage. I was gonna say so how much money Oh

No way a billion a billion dollars for somebody to pay that's not nobody has a billion dollars cash We probably do it for a little bit less. I was gonna say 20 bucks Meet in the middle Guys this has the feeling of a Friday Me in the middle. To like $500 million. And 10, yeah. Guys, this has the feeling of a Friday on a Wednesday, because Grace Harper's in the studio and she started things off with a bang. We got it clean, we got it in one, I want to say.

One take, Grace? This is our fifth attempt at the opening, third attempt at the song. Third attempt at the song, so our reaction wasn't as live, but it was live, right? It felt better to me the third time. You're warming up. Yeah, we'll try it again later.

She's heating up. I really loved it. I'm gonna go, Ian, come on, see you in hell. You're gonna go that? I'm gonna, yeah, I'm gonna go like that, probably when I'm by myself later. That's cool, yeah. How was Chicken's birthday?

I have to ask. It was so good, thanks for asking. She turned 10. 10 is old. She's a lady. My cat's 9. Round of applause. Really? Yeah. What do you mean really what? 8? No, 7. 7. Yeah, her birthday is no, uh, that was mine. Her birthday is January 31st. You guys are just one so it's easy to mix it up. I didn't do much for her birthday last year.

This year I think I'm gonna get her like a churu cake in a way. A what? A churu cake in a way. What does that mean? It means like wet food with churu on top and a bunch of dry food. I don't know what churu is.

You don't give chicken churu? No wonder she's so svelte. Okay, you're the first person to ever say that, but thank you. I think she's cut. Yeah, she's sad. Okay, I'm always getting unwanted feedback, classic mom situation, about my daughter's size.

You think she could afford to lose? Well, that might come back around later in the episode, actually. Really? Just keep that in mind that you want your that people have Just gonna guess talked about my Yes, they've cat shamed her Belly that rests on her feet like a penguin egg warm and like that's good

Ice them. Yeah, I stand with chicken. I stand a Yeah, but she went to the vet, 10 year old checkup, everything's healthy. Wow, that's great. Well, you know how some people, yeah, sorry about that. What? You know how some people, like friends will share therapists?

Yeah. They'll share a therapist, really. You're in like, your cat and mine might share a vet. You have to. Yeah, I'm looking for a better vet than better vet. Okay. Does that make sense? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I could, I could sort of, what's it called when you, oh? I mean, you have a dog? I can recommend you to Modern Animal and they'll give me $100. Yeah, Modern Animal, everybody says Modern Animal. You just want everything to be like tech. Yeah. Yeah.

Really? Yeah. Yeah. It's nice you can text them when something's wrong. Can you text your best? Oh, that's nice. I never have, but. That's interesting. Clean bill of health.

That's cool. That's good. Speaking of birthdays, the last time we all hung out was at your birthday party. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes.

Yes. Yes. Yes. You think you're exhausted? Yeah. I'm exhausted. Because of your birthday party? It's hard being a birthday boy.

No, because you guys just have to go through the record of this shit. Grace and I have to edit this shit. We have to hear it twice, and I have to pre-plan this shit, right? Well, four times if you include the three times you thought you were recording, but weren't. My bond of the week is obvious this week.

Let's all say it at the same time. Obvious, kind of, Skyler? Luke. It's really good. at the same time. Obvious kind of sky, yeah? Luke. It's really good. Sorry, Luke. You go first. No, I'm waiting for you. You didn't.

If you were waiting for me, you wouldn't have cut me off. Now I am. Now you're cutting me off again. This is bullshit, where the fuck's our V come? This is bullshit, I wish Mariko was here. Luigi Mangione. Oh, is that how you say his name? I think it's Mangione. I think it's here. Luigi Mangione. Oh, the CEO. Is that how you say his name?

I think it's Mangione. I think it's Mangione. Mangione. He's sort of the people's hero, just like James, right? Am I a giant peach? Just rewatched holds up. Really? Yeah, I believe that.

Good cast. Why is it that every time bullshit is said that I find it bullshit? But that's the good stuff. People connect over it. I really don't understand this. Because I don't relate. You don't relate?

To anything people say. Oh, Jeff. No, it's fine, I'm not sad. You don't relate to that. Yeah, let's talk about my birthday, go for it. Let's just get through the bottom of the week then we can talk about the fucking prince. Well, on Slack you said you'd be at this place,

the prince, from nine onward. Nobody showed. I left my house at nine, showed up at 9.30. Nobody was there, including you. That's true, because I came from a steakhouse to have. So Marty and I posted up at the bar and we're like, are we at the wrong place? Because at 10 p.m., there was still nobody there.

And we are on your closeup, I want to say. And then at 10.15, you guys show up fashionably late. Jeff's still not there, correct? This is bullshit. No, I was there. You guys beat Jeff to his not there, correct? This is bullshit, no I was there. You guys beat Jeff to his own party. No, this is not true. I got there at 9.45. I think you got there at 10.30, I want to say.

Okay. An hour late and definitely an hour and a half after you told Slack, our company, to show up. Okay, Cinderella. It's hard because I like to be fashionably late because I'm the one who, because you can't get mad at me on my birthday so I can be late as hell So it was up to your guests to sort of figure out where you wanted. I got a lot of angry texts

They said where the hell are you because people are trying to do drop buys I I was worried about people doing drive-bys that luckily didn't happen because I have a lot of enemies But I was just saying Luigi Mangione for my Bond of the Week because he's the People's Hero, and he's trained in intercepting perps and shooting them with a silencer gun. Does that make sense? Yeah.

And he didn't get caught for like a week, which is pretty cool. And then he did get caught at a McDonald's, which I thought was a little bizarre because he was like masked up and wearing a beanie. Well, he had the silencer again because they were out of the Shamrock Shake, so he started to threaten them with the same gun,

and then that's what was giving it away. Yeah, they were like, we know you. Yeah. No, that, because everybody on the internet was like, don't catch him, don't try to catch him. And then somebody at McDonald's just tried to like, help the cops, and I'm like, you're working, yeah.

There's always a narc. Maybe he wanted to be caught. It might have been Ronald. There was a, no, no, no. Was there a policeman in the Hamburg gang? Ronald McDonald is a cop and Grimace is awesome. So Grimace is like the kind of liberal cousin of yours, slash of yours. And Ronald McDonald is like your cop uncle who like everybody just kind of has to not

avoid politics with the dinner table. Yeah, what'd you, did you guys have fun at my birthday or was it a little bit too much? I had fun. I had fun. It was fun and I liked eating there because I had to kill about an hour of time before you arrived to your birthday. And at 9 p.m. when you're at the different restaurant, that was far away? It was walking distance.

But were you like, oh, we're running late, we should hurry this up? Or were you like, no, it's fine, let's take our time. No, okay. Whenever you get a chance. And we're trying to hurry it up. This is what was happening, I was trying to get the check, I was like, I'm getting texts, people are angry, and I'm like 30 minutes late, because I was only 30 minutes late.

They put us, so we show up to the steakhouse, right? And- In Koreatown? In Koreatown, Taylor's Steakhouse in Koreatown, shout out to, well actually not shout out, because I did feel sick to my stomach afterwards. I wanted to be in the main dining room, I like to be amongst the people, kind of like Luigi Mangione, right?

They put us in the wine cellar, right? Which I- It's like a private room. I mean, that sounds special. It's very similar. Well, cause on the open table res, I was like, yeah, it's my birthday. Cause I was trying to get a free dessert.

What I wasn't trying to do was to get stuck in the fucking larder, right? Where like you're away from the people. And so there's kind of this awkward ambient silence. There was only four people there and So the pre-dinner party was four of you, correct including me You plus three and then the party itself had 30 ish people in a way Who had mostly shown up before you got there not mostly but sure and we're wondering where you were

I'm on your close-up. Just we're wondering where you were. I'm on your close up, just so you know. Yeah. Because you were an hour after the posted time. 30 minutes after. I just feel like. But on Slack, I really, I really need to emphasize. On Slack, I did say nine. On Slack, I said nine, and that was a mistake for sure. Here's the thing. I thought that I was going to be early, right?

I thought I was going to get there at nine. I didn't get there till 10. I was rushing us, the dinner, and the wait staff. But because they put us in the fucking larder, they weren't coming by frequently, right? But they thought they were doing us a favor, because they were like, oh, it's a birthday, I bet you want this private table.

And I'm like, I don't want the private table, I wanna be in a booth with everyone else, because it's fun to be around people, that's why you go to a dinner. Yeah, and then it felt like you were in a restaurant that was closed or something. It felt like we were in, yeah, we were in a chef's tasting thing

where it was just ambiently awkward, and we were amongst bottles of wine where other waiters who were not ours would run in with a frantic energy and grab a bottle and be like, fuck, this isn't the right one. And then we feel like they're listening to our conversation, so we kind of fall silent for like spells.

It was almost too special. It was too, well, it was more special than I needed it to be. I'm not like a fussy person, I would say. And then because we were there, they kept not coming around, and so we couldn't get the check for like 15 minutes. So I would have been there at the earliest, 9.45, I didn't get there till 10, because they also were like just running late at the restaurant.

We got to the restaurant at 7.30. We didn't leave till 9.45. And did you tell the prince where the party was happening that you were expecting 30 to 40 people to show up? It was supposed to be 50. And did you tell anybody? A lot of people didn't show up because they were sick or they just felt tired.

And I... I actually heard parking was really bad. Parking's terrible. And did you tell anybody? A lot of people didn't show up because they were sick or they just felt tired. Yeah. I actually heard parking was really bad. Parking's terrible. That's why Casey almost didn't come. Sorry, China. What? What do you mean? What were you pointing to?

Is that a Casey thing now? Casey's nickname. Yeah. It's China? Because who does this remind you of? Yeah. Sorry, who's calling me? Oh, I do remember that. Yeah, Jeff was walking up to people at the party.

I remember that from the holiday party. Oh yes, at the holiday party. Yeah, and the holiday party. Which was the night before Jeff's party. We've all actually been together a lot recently. Too much, I would say. It's been the pregame to my party was the holiday party, kind of.

And then I tried to get everybody to come in. I know. I just had a memory flashback of you walking up to me, showing me the flag of China and say, does this remind you of Casey? No, I said, who does this remind you of? And everybody was saying Casey flag.

Oh, okay, okay. Nobody said Casey. I think I was gonna be like, whose flag is this? And they said China. And I said, you mean Casey? And they said, what? I don't really look at the flag of China and see Casey. But then he was like- What do you mean?

Because the red is his hair and the yellow is his liver disease. Well, and he was like maybe Italy,, Italian, Italy, for the same reasons. No, I think... No, because he doesn't look sick to his stomach in the emoji way. He's jaundiced in yellow. He's like Homer Simpson. Right, but he's also white. That's true.

And maybe was wearing a green shirt. Yeah, Casey wearing green could be the Irish flag. Why? Orange hair, because red hair is not red, and I've been meaning to talk to people about this. Give a, give a, give a, give a garment. Where the fuck is Marina? This would be better with her. Uh, no, the party was a hit, I think,

and I was there till like one, which was later than I wanted to stay out. I had a lot of fun. Yeah, I was touched that y'all came. Y'all came, Chyna came, Casey... Sorry, one and the same. China showed out, meeting Casey, Anya was there. She was kind of sky out as in she went out with a bang.

And her boyfriend, Nick, was there. I feel like I waxed not only philosophical, but also gibbous with him. And then fucking, what's their name? Marty. Was there. I asked where his partner was and he was like, she's insane.

And I don't think I should say this. Of course not. What do you mean of course not? It's just someone else's medical information. It's really private. And he came to your party on time. Did you just say perloin? He said he came to your party. Can you spell that please?

P-U-R, sorry, did that make you laugh that I said P-U? Yeah. P-U-R-L-O-I-N. So it's basically like when you make out with someone else's possessions. Make out. Make out. You guys are assholes. You guys are fucking jerks.

And I love it. Perloin. Who said it? I swear to God, because it was the fucking word of the day. Well now we've all said it now. Perloin. That's really good. The grilled perloin. So that's when you grill someone's purse that you stole Anyway, it's the word of the day for loin. All right taking it into our first segment How much was the steak at Taylor's it was?

48 it was pretty it was I think mid bone in rib. It was a bone in rib eye exactly right It was like 14 ounces, maybe 16. Sides? Sides, we got fries. To share? I didn't share mine quite, because it came with this peppercorn sauce that I dipped both in.

Very good, it tasted good. Quah! It was green peppercorn! It was a quah! It was medium rare. And I feel like that cut of meat is medium to rare in terms of its availability. Are you guys ready for the first segment? Well, can I jump in with a little cross promotion first?

Because if you want to hear more of Jeff's flawless French accent, you can listen to the last episode of Review Review that just came out. That's true, yeah, the final episode of Improv of Review Review. I don't wanna talk about it, I'm gonna get emotional about it. Even this, yeah. He won't cry because his dry eyes.

Yeah, but I feel the emotion of someone who's sobbing, but it's dry and it's kind of like how you'd rather throw up than dry heaving, you know what I mean, where it's cathartic to throw up and dry heaving is terrible Mmm, so you guys had a good time at the birthday or what? I feel like you guys did you get you guys anybody hook up with anybody of mine? I tried to like hook up some people. You're in a relationship Amir. What about you? How was your food? Did you mind? So one of the food options there are a lot of yeah soy

boneless wings, but it really just came out like Orange flavored chicken of sorts. Do you mind if I cut to your close up? I wanna ask permission this time, there we go. I thought, I mean I have nothing against orange chicken, I liked it a lot, but. Yeah. Overall I thought it was.

Here we go. Pretty good. All right, here's our first fucking segment. Are we not doing the rest of bond? Oh Yeah, what are you what are your bonds the week? I don't care so Guys if you wanted us to keep this segment is called so we've done Casey's dimes. We've done Joel's coins We've done Grace's impulses. This is Grace's purloins So how many...

...perloins has Grace had? Thoughts? Let's start with Grace, cause we'll just get the right answer and we can power through. Yeah. What? What? Dude. I like this show and I'm always very keen to come on it and you never book me. Great, then stop there. But when I get on there, I am so determined to have fun and you make it so hard.

Why does everyone say this? What the fuck you're talking about? Why does everyone say this? A purloin isn't something I can have, is it? I love the word keen. A purloin is to make off with someone else's possessions. So how many? So how many so how many?

Have you have had And have you held them as in you thought you had five purloins, but you only had two and a half How many like thefts have you experienced or honestly Done. I love to shoplift. Okay from where big corporations or not? Have you experienced or honestly done? I love to shoplift. Okay, from where? Big corporations or mom and pop shops? I'll shoplift from my own mother.

No, dude, I don't know. That's not true. You kind of insinuated that you're like a sociopath on the show before. No, I said I was a compulsive liar. Okay. Which I was. And then what happened? And I'm not anymore.

Then you started switching your vice. And I was your vice like I'm gonna tell the truth from now You said and did your vice switch from? Fibbing to purloins did you bite us? I'm not a thief Just a liar They go hand-in-hand though. Usually people are yeah, I'm just gonna say it's obviously time to throw to the break It's it hasn't been long enough to throw to break break. How long has it been? It hasn't been long enough to throw to break.

It's been 20 minutes. Yeah. Thank you to Aura Frames for sponsoring this podcast. Yes, thank you Aura Frames. Jake, you have one of these. Of course I do. I have several actually. It's a digital picture frame that you give to loved ones,

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That's Aura, A-U-R-A frames dot com. Use code HEADGUM at checkout to save. Headgum. That's right, terms and conditions apply. Of course. Thank you Aura frames. Crossing the LL. Are you gonna answer the fucking question,

Grace's purloins? How many purloins have you experienced? I think if you say a number he'll let us go. I got scammed out of 250 English pounds once. From Craigslist or what? No. Ali's perfect in terms of where the mic arm is. Yours is kind of covering your face. Why's that funny? Ali's perfect in terms of where the mic arm is. Yours is kind of covering your face, slash visage. Why's that funny? Can you fucking answer how many purloins you've done?

No! You can't answer it! We cannot move on! Seven? Seven. No, because you're just answering about your fucking impulses. That's two different things, purloins and impulses. I can't remember the same number of impulses and purloins. Here's a cocktail I'd like to try.

Beach plum mixed with rum. That's kind of interesting. Beach. Pear plum. Sex on the beach rum. I spy Tom Thumb. This isn't anything. If you answered how many purloins you've experienced,

that's something. Now you're just yelling lies. Sorry, what? Just like you, huh? Can you explain what a purloin is again? It's to make off with someone else's possessions, it's to steal. It's a steal. And how many times have I done that,

or has that been done to me? Two million of them, you can add both of them together to one number of a purloin. I'd say I've been scammed out of money a good 10 times. From what? Just like, I've been scammed out of money a good like ten times what from what just like um like in The I worked at a corner shop when I was 16 and the guy did like a switcheroo with Giving change and I knew I was being hustled as it was happening, but I was powerless to stop it

Okay, so at least one is that your answer? I guess that came this is answer was ten and you said when and she gave you an example I guess that came because this is answer was 10 and you said when and she gave you an example You said one and then you said it's that right? Fucking segment is quality quantitative. It's not qualitative I said seven and you said I can't have that number cuz that's conflation with your fucking impulses All right Yes, I got it right I guessed eight before the show That was grace's Purloins.

Now it's taking it into this kind of continued ideation slash brainstorm segment for my first novel. The new title that I have is The Arbiter of Wise. I love it. Right? Yeah. My pitch on it is it's a comedy about a guy who gets magically transformed from a milk toast accountant to an all-knowing mage and doles out understanding

to those he deems good. Is this the Wizard of Oz? Fuck. It is kind of. Kind of. Yeah. What about the wiser of Oz? What about it? I'm back to your close up. Do you have any thoughts? Because you're a writer, right? So what about the Arbiter of Wise? Wrap up in five.

So I have five minutes on this. Or you mean the whole episode? No, I think there's one about the whole episode. The Arbiter of Wise. It's just about a guy who like, he's in his like crazy middle, not crazy, boring middle management desk job. And then like a fucking bridge troll transforms him into a wise mage where he kind of doles out knowledge to those he deems good.

What's a mage to you? Someone who has like magical wisdom and powers. Mostly the knowledge though, not so much the powers and spells. Okay. Well, knowledge is power according to survivor sometimes. That's the citation for knowledge is power. Survivor sometimes. All right. What about the Headgum holiday party? We talked about my birthday, right? But we all of us were at the Headgum holiday party. Here's what I'll say is that compared with the Halloween party two years ago or a year ago, which I had fun at,

I actually had a lot of fun at it, but I got there right after work when everybody had been here the whole day. People started leaving at six, started at five, people started leaving at six. Jeff, we did talk about this last week. Really? I'm just thinking of the audience.

Okay, because I have in my outline, Headgum Holiday Party, how did that go? Yeah. For the second week in a row. Because you just edited last week's episode. Yeah, it's fresh. But yeah, I think I had a good time if it was, you know, overwhelmed. You know what I just realized is that you and Ali are dressed as the inverse of each other.

It's like an Oreo with a golden Oreo. This is synchronicity. Yeah. Yin and yang. Yeah. That's interesting. Let's take it into Thanksgiving regrets. So this is, you know, what did you not give thanks for

that you wish you had? Let's start with, can we start with Amir so he doesn't fall asleep? Did you go home? No, I stayed here. How was it? It was good. I went to my girlfriend's mom's house with my sister.

Fun! It was really nice. Is your sister's live at Haiti? Yeah, I live with my sister. Me too! You do? Yeah! Wait, cool.

Are you older? I'm middle. Okay, she's middle. I'm older. I'm older. I live with the younger one. Ah. There we go.

Thanksgiving regrets or... So you wanted nothing to do with that. What were you not grateful for that you probably should have been? For me, it's this opportunity. Yeah. To be able to... You've kind of been taking it for granted. For years, yeah. Basically, I'm trying to make sure

every episode is good to find. Okay. I think this episode's good. You do? Do you? You don't? No. What about Thanksgiving regrets?

That's so dated. I have segments to get to. When is this coming out? December 18th? Yes, the regrets are in hindsight. And you're still talking about the holidays. Because the hindsight is 2020. Don't talk about Thanksgiving. It's coming out December 18th. Yes Thanksgiving it last Monday morning 2021 vision of Thanksgiving that I should have been grateful for that I wasn't old dated I don't do you act I don't have any regrets. Maybe that's just my true. You don't? Not really, for Thanksgiving? I think I handled it fine.

All right, all right, let's move on then. Fucking. I'll do a segment, okay. Yeah, you wanna do your segment? Yeah, sure. I have two, so we could bookend yours. Let's start with mine and then we'll go to yours, right? Obviously.

Well, we've already done four of yours in this game. That's true. Well, we've already done four of yours in this game. Yeah. My name is G-E-O-F-F-R-U-Y, right? Can we all agree on that? Yeah. This is a new segment that I'd love to be running, so this needs to go well, right? It needs to go well enough that this is like a running bit on the show that people love.

And I want to preface it that way to sort of put us in the pressure cooker. Does that make sense? Okay. So this segment is called critiquing other Jeffs. So basically, there are, there's a couple other guys out there who have my same name and are equally accomplished. I wouldn't say that this is more accomplished. So this is Jeffrey James.

He's a Canadian, but he's a Welsh born Canadian photographer who has showcased his photography with the Museum of Modern Art in New York City. I thought that we could look at his photography and just kind of answer the question, could I have done that? Yeah. Does that make sense?

Yeah. I already know because you haven't. That's so cool. Well, no. This Jeffrey James is really cool. That's what I you haven't. That's so cool. Well no. This Jeffrey James is really cool. That's what I was gonna say. He's as cool as me. Yeah.

Just cause I haven't done it yet doesn't mean I couldn't have done it. You know what I mean? I don't know, Jeff. When's the last time you've been to an aqueduct? I haven't been. Yeah. But that doesn't mean I couldn't have gone to an aqueduct.

Like you guys aren't getting the premise of the segment and now I'm starting to feel like it's getting on top of me. Oh, sorry. This photo I could have done. You could have. It's a bunch of Stonehenge-esque columns. But it was done in 1989. There's no way.

Okay, fine, film. I could take a film photo and have it developed. No way this Jeff got it developed in his own dark room, right? I could have done this photo. You think I couldn't have shot this photo? I don't know. I feel like a lot of Welsh Canadians

have their own dark room. Kind of nice composition. Do you know anything about photography? I don't think it's good composition. It's like cut off on the top and bottom. There's no headroom. Clearly MoMA said, I'll take three. Yeah, well, you can walk through MoMA

and every room has a couple pieces that you're like, I could have done that. I just didn't think of it. Well, and that's the whole thing, isn't it? It could have been Jeffrey James Blue instead of Eves Klein Blue, if I had just thought of a pigment. Well, the whole sad, you could have, but you didn't.

I didn't, and I'll give it to Eves. I just can't take it away from this guy who has the same fucking name as me. I could have shot this one. You guys disagree, let's go to the next photo. Is there another Jeff? That's what you're stuck on? I thought this was gonna be like,

here are the Jeffs and could I do what they do? No, we're gonna do it one by one. It's just photo by photo. Sorry. Everyone can Monday morning quarterback my segments where they're like, you know, this would have been better if it had been multiple different Jeffs. I could have taken this photo.

No way I couldn't have taken this photo. Bunch of leaves or something? I don't know. It seems like the light is like at a really specific gorgeous golden time and that would require you as the photographer showing up on time and you came to your own birthday party an hour late. Okay, so I'll just have like my photography assistant

schedule it at 30 minutes earlier than I should be there to the quarry or whatever. Okay. Okay, or you agree? I don't think you'd ever have an assistant. Really? Because I don't have the'd ever have an assistant. Really? Because I don't have the money from the photographers to hire them or they would never work for me.

You told your assistant to meet at the aqueduct and then went to this place instead. That's true. Because, but I'm just saying in a vacuum, could I have shot this photograph? I could have really done any. Why don't you put up a photo that you've taken and we can compare and contrast?

Shit ass that's showing up on this. Maybe the one from your party full. That one I thought was kind of an interesting photograph. The photo of my fucking ass. Oh, was it? I really kind of assaulted people's phones with the notifications because I didn't know there was going to be a thumbnail. I thought it was going to be a click to reveal and then it's just my ass. Do you really want to see that one? Could This is kind of like a shot and chase a pairing of photos.

What book are you holding? Oh, glad you asked. That's Heart's Kindred, first edition by Zona Gale. Oh. I mean, her name can only be mentioned in the likes of the company of people like Wiley Vail, Frankie Yale, those kinds of accomplishes. Amazing.

This is my ass. This is my ass on a tiger, and this was the thumbnail for my partiful invite for the fucking party. Did the tiger feel cold on your bare bottom? I was wondering that too, but I didn't want to ask. It was ice to my balls. This photographer was amazing.

And they, I would basically, basically what I would do to like make sure I was decent, because I didn't want them seeing my whole body. I would say balls and they would say something I forget this was two years ago but they would be like basically it was like on belay belay on. So I think it was on ballet and there was a ballet on and we were having a great time yeah. But yeah you should you guys should get your wedding boudoir photos done by this person well it's too late for you and I don't mean your wedding was last year. I mean, so.

Next Jeffrey. That is, it's the, it's the same Jeff, different day. I just wonder about the different pick. Does he do any in color or is it all black and white? Is that his thing? He mostly does black and white, which I'm just like, okay, so you're taking one variable. Because color is kind of your thing. Meaning color commentary? Yeah. Look at this one.

No way I couldn't have done this. Like what even is this? It's a fucking dirt road. Is that little glove part of it? Can you guys fill the fucking space? Can you fill the air with speech instead of just letting it all be like... Well, look how dull the subject that you want us to comment on is. Meanwhile, Grace is sitting on, I think, a pretty epic segment.

We'll get to her segment. We just have to power through everything I've prepared. I understand being curious about your name twins. Yes. I looked up my name on YouTube once when I was in middle school and there was a singer based somewhere in the Middle East, maybe Saudi Arabia area named Ali Khan. And he did a couple of music videos

with like a bunch of women on a sand dune and it rocked. Wow. That's, this is strong. Is your name, is Ali short for anything Alison is it actually Make way for Alice Again I wonder what's he doing? Wow And my kid sat on my lap and watched like the first lap

Yeah. Oh. And my kid sat on my lap and watched, like, the first lap. Yeah. Which I always watch. It's a beautiful girl. Do you have a middle name? Michelle. Wow.

That's a nice name. Aw, thanks. Good combo. Grace is your middle name. Yeah. I like Grace. Thank you. It's, I feel like a lot of people are naming their babies with a name, Minimine Grace.

It's a good middle name, I think. It's my sister's middle name. Really? See? What's her first name? Natalie. That's nice. Welcome to... Natalie Grace, the Curious Grace.

Grace, that's your cue. Oh, this is a game called... Demise of Sand. And we have, well you have, because I know the answer, 20 questions to guess how my dad died. It's called Demise of Sand? Because his name is, was Sandy. No fucking way! Does it have to be yes or no questions?

Um, no, I guess not. His name was Sandy Harper? I've told you that so many times, because this might surprise you. You've never said this, you've never said this. I have a paper trail, because Sandy's kind of a buzzword of yours. How old were you when you passed away 18 is that that's the first

question yeah I'm I'm sorry about your loss well that's fine that's part of the game we're not being sorry he's part of the game it's fine okay was it a disease that ended his life in a way yeah yeah. Okay. The hell? I don't know how much of a sense of humor you have about it, so I don't know. It's my segment. Okay. Honestly, I won't be insulted, I promise. And we can cut this if you feel uncomfortable.

No, I don't feel uncomfortable as... Well, I just need to know what the guardrails are. How much can I go in on that? We'll find out. It's not so fun when you're on this side of the segment, is it? Yeah, but I don't put yeah Um if my dad was dead, I wouldn't do this. So that's why I'm wondering well. What if your dad died 13 years ago Okay, yeah, maybe that'd be fun All right ready, this is called demise of sand yeah, because your dad is dead and his name was Sandy

I'm gonna see if you can work out what he died from. We can work his death. Here we go. How does this work? How do we play? 20 questions? Yeah, and I may have asked two. Those don't count, we haven't started.

Okay, they're just freebies. Ali? Ali? Were the circumstances mysterious? No. Okay. Did he finally pass away in a hospital? No. Was it vehicular in relation? It was not. Okay. Did he finally pass away in a hospital? No.

Was it vehicular in relation? It was not. Okay. Did he pass away at home? Yes. Was it peaceful, the death? In a way. Okay. I'll come back to that one. Does it have to do with ingesting us any substances? It does.

Oh, very good question. It's not interesting, it's really sad. Was it an accidental ingestation? No. He killed himself. No. But it wasn't an accidental. What the hell is wrong with you?

What? Jeff, you're supposed to say unalived. He... Unalived himself. The answer is no, we can move on. Cause this will be the TikTok reel. There's no way this is the clip. You think this is the social clip.

It has to be. It's amazing. It's so funny. I thought we were playing, this is the mystery game? No, no, no. The murder, yeah. Cause Grace has been touting this murder mystery segment that she's had apparently for like a year and a half.

You never bring it on the show. And then today- Because we need like six people. Why didn't you say that to Anya? Because we tried to schedule it this week and I said next week you do the murder mystery segment. That's why my question was, my first question was what it was

because I thought is this the murder mystery? Is the murder mystery your dad's death? Twenty questions. It's kind of a murder mystery. We are solving the mystery of your dad's death? 20 questions. I think this is kind of a murder mystery. We are solving the mystery of your dad's death. His name was Sand, all right? His name was absolutely Sand.

You leave on Friday or Saturday? Monday. Monday. So why didn't we do the murder mystery? We could've scheduled it. This is Studio G. There's a fucking empty chair right there next to him here. Instead we have two closeups on his ass.

You want me to take a deep breath? No, this is like how the kids say, like if something is homosexual in nature. So when you said like on his ass, this is like what the kids would say. Gen Z kind of coming around to say. If something's gay, you have to say pause. Yeah, it's like monophobe.

It's like homophobic basketball, like Twitter will be like pause. Oh, this is a real thing? I'm not on that side of the internet. Yeah, no, you shouldn't be. It's kind of the worst side, yeah. I think the It's a desert in here of ideas. I just don't have to have a clarity that this is an ad. This isn't it. This is a sold case. Okay, this is a different thing. Got it. So did he overdose on a drug? In a sense, but not, it wasn't a drug.

Your answer has to be yes or no. For 20 questions. Fine, no. Okay. He ingested something, but it wasn't a drug. Okay. That includes alcohol something, but it wasn't a drug. Okay. That includes alcohol, right? No.

So was it alcohol? It was. He had too much alcohol and he died? Yeah. That's terrible. You got an N12 question. That's great. It's not happy. Now I'm just thinking about a guy named Sam dying because he had too much rum well alcohol in a way is a drug

Yes, you also fuck. Yeah, it's actually a leaven. It wasn't a one-time incident. Okay, so he drank yourself failure Yeah, he had jaundice much, but he ingested alcohol and died There's no way okay, and by the way the segment we're doing after this is an insane tone shift excellent What's any tonally different than asking Grace how her father passed away? We are gonna take a quick break. We're gonna ruminate on that. We're gonna let the air kind of,

from the room. I'm gonna go try to grab Anya. You guys ready? Yeah. Wait, no, she said she can't come on at all. You guys ready? Straight into it. a Headgum original. Hey, hey, I'm Lamorne Morris.

And I'm Kyle Shevrin. And we're here interrupting your workout to tell you about the Lamorning After podcast now on Headgum. That's right. Every Wednesday, a new episode drops and we... Wait, Lamorne, what are you doing over there? It's nothing. Just polishing my Emmy. Why? Because we're now the only official Headgum podcast hosted by an Emmy winner. Is that true?

Probably not. But Jake Johnson's on Headgum. Does he have an Emmy? No, but he has been a guest on the La Morning After. Which might be an even bigger honor. I mean, and we have other amazing guests like Glenn Powell, Raven Simone, the cast of New Girl, and many, many more. Plus, we play games, we tell stories, we poll the fans for questions. We poll them for questions, yes, Steve.

Polling them constantly. Up and down, sideways, backwards. It's a lot less weird than it sounds. You'll see. Subscribe to The Morning After on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, Pocket Casts, or wherever you get your podcasts. And watch video episodes on YouTube.

New episodes drop every Wednesday.