The Headgum Podcast - 239: Thirdle

Episode Date: January 24, 2025

Allie, Marika, and Casey join Geoff to discuss Allie’s crochet, before diving into a cornucopia of segments - Future Use: Red Dye No. 3 Edition, True or False: Useless Knowledge Edition, and Thirdle!» FOLLOW Geoff on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/geoffreyjames/ » FOLLOW Allie on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/alliekahan/» FOLLOW Marika on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/marikaelon/ » FOLLOW Casey on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/caseydonahue/Advertise on The Headgum Podcast via Gumball.fmRate The Headgum Podcast 5-stars on Apple PodcastsRate The Headgum Podcast 5-stars on SpotifyJoin the Headgum DiscordSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum original. Previously on the HeadGum podcast, that comes in a jar. That's completely different than Jar Joy. Unless your Jar Joy is this condiment. So let's maybe not redirect the whole fucking round table until everyone's got a chance. I was just giving... I just keep thinking of Jar Joy Jar Jar Binks. That's just the loop.

Yeah. Jar Joy Binks. Yeah. Yeah. And I'm like, that's it. That's his sister. Jar Jar Binks sister is Jar Joy Binks. Oh, hello.

Who invited Jar Joy? With the ED, Jar Joy. I also like to think of it as like a cake in a tin, but on top of a roof, so it's a Jar Joyal. Allie, what are you knitting? People don't really respect the start time of the show. Allie, sorry, what'd you say? I just learned how to crochet.

Sure. I'm trying to make my girlfriend a beautiful scarf. It's a little wonky, but. Yeah. That's a reusable diaperky, but. Yeah, that's a that's a reusable diaper. I'm sorry to say. I know. I know. I know. Well, I don't know what to do. It does look like a diaper, but it's like Woody.

That's a scarf. It's yeah. I've been there. This has been helpful feedback. No, it looks good. I couldn't do that. Are you going to keep going or is that nearing final? feedback. It looks good. I couldn't do that. Are you going to keep going or is that nearing final? No, because it's not really a scarf yet. It's just this.

Right. That looks like a gym towel for someone who just worked out like the why. Casey, this is a scarf. Almost. Oh, it's beautiful. You don't have to say that. Have you been counting stitches? Crows? No, no. Yeah, that's I can't. Oh, I can't.

I can't keep track. But I know I did get I got this really special hook that has a counter and a light. But is that a hook or is that a screwdriver that you're using to crochet? Is this like a new year's goal or I got really into my hobby that I've just begun I Before we started recording I was like Ali. How are you doing with the fires? Are you feeling okay? And she was like I'm feeling really anxious and if I didn believe you then, I believe you now that I've seen this scarf that you're working on.

No, it's like, could a depressed person make this? This? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I think that's like, that's a requirement to make that, is you have to get depressed.

And I keep, yeah, so I think it's gonna be a really beautiful scarf. Okay, why do you think that? I have to ask, why do you it's going to be a really beautiful scarf. Okay. Why do you think that? I have to ask. Why do you think that? Why? And why do you think that?

Yeah. You know, because you have to trust the process. Yeah. But is there a process? Because I really fear that you're about to finish it up. No. Here's what I, Ali, here's what I would say as someone that has also gone through that exact thing of not wanting to count and or not being able to keep track.

I can't keep track. I feel like you're in a good place to start it over. Ha ha ha ha! You're saying... Scrum it! That was... No, no. Because you can just pull it all. That was the rudest thing Marika's, well. That was, no, no, no. You can just pull it all. That was the rudest thing Marika's ever said.

And I've known her for eight fucking years. You're really good places to start over. No, you are. I've known her for nine years almost. That was really rude. I could sew it and make sort of a clutch. Allie, don't listen to Marika. The thing about crocheting is that you don't have to stick.

You can pull out as many stitches as you want and redo them. That's just what I mean. I think just digging a hole, Marika. Yeah, I can tell. I'm in a good place to give up. That's like so true on every level. He wasn't saying give up. I mean, for Nectro shared.

Start over. Start over. Wow, holy shit. I mean, I appreciate it, Marika, with the quote of the day almost. Last week, by the way, Amir started us off on a sour note, and I don't think we ever recovered. Granted, there was a lot of tech issues, and it was even more in the thick of the fires. But right, wrong, and different,

this episode is already a hit. Allie, I think keep going. My only fear is that you're stopping now, let alone starting over. I think the imperfections of the scarf is what's gonna make it beautiful. Gives it character. Thank you. Well, I was gonna just call it Bohemian.

Thank you, yeah, boho chic. But Marika, everything can. By the way, I texted Marika. It's making me think more that you should start. I texted Marika, I said, should I cut my hair this year? And she said, well, what haircut would you get? And I sent her this.

Yeah. I sent her this. Yeah. I sent her this. And she said, those aren't good. Why don't you give this a try? I said, no fucking way. And then she also sent me this photo of a haircut that I had to get for a commercial that made me look like I had a bob.

That's really good. She sent me this like punk flop. I just think she's trying to get me to look too quaffed. And same thing with the scarf is my point. The last one I sent was really good. Clearly your taste is like perfectionist. And that's not what Allie and I are going for. Can I just, who's that?

This is Edgy Albert. He's like a fashion TikToker actually. He'd be great to get on the show. Edgy Albert. You know Edgy? Yeah, I've seen him on the feed. And then I was like, you know what, Marika, at this rate I might as well just do that

and you would applaud my ass. I also said Charles Melton's hair. And he looks like a butterball, dude. Gel in the hair you want me to have. You want me to slick it back like an Italian lobster. That looks, Marika, that looks like a lot of maintenance. I don't know if. It's like shit.

If Jeff has it in him to do that every day. Well, I didn't pick a photo of Charles Melton, like going on a walk. I picked a high quality photo. And you chose not to. You weren't selecting any. All the stuff that I sent before were just normal ass people, except for Jesse McCartney.

All I'm saying. Which was a mistake. All I'm saying, Ali, is continue on with the crochet scarf as it is. Just don't stop. I say don't. I say pull out some stitches and redo it. We know what you're saying!

We know what you're saying! We know what you're saying! Way in, because next, whenever this comes out, I guarantee you I'll still be in the same place. Don't say that. Hopefully there's some progress before at least a week at most, too. This was kind of my strategy. So let me know if you're like, that still doesn't make sense.

This is how much yarn I have left. OK, not enough. Clearly not enough. No, clearly not enough. So I was going to take it as far as it can go. Which will not be a scarf. It's gonna be a fucking towelette. It's probably gonna be about this long I bought yarn that's Not the same but similar Okay, then I was gonna take it as far as it can go there and then make a border around the whole thing

Over and over and over again to make it equal and wide. I'm nervous that what you're gonna make is basically a flag of Ghana. Ha ha ha! A flag that you maybe don't have the right to fly, I wanna say, but why not just get the same yarn? Because they didn't... Because...

Because the yarn is old and you don't know where you got it from. I wouldn't go around. That's what I'll say. I think that's gonna be harder for you. This is advice that I've been given. This wasn't my idea. So now I'm hearing that maybe I need to think about this. Ali, I like the stream of consciousness scarf. I think you should keep... It's jazz.

I like the colors. It's crochet jazz, baby. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I love the different colors. Well, just imagine. I'm imagining it. I feel like if you follow that thread, physical or of thought, yeah, it's going to end up being like a global village

coffee house style art, which is just shit that sells for pennies on the dollar. At cost for what the paint cost. I think I'm going somewhere with this. Maybe not this piece. Sure. Follow your intuition, Allie. Every time I show it to my girlfriend, she keeps saying that it's really beautiful and

she's so excited and she's gonna wear it proudly. Now, what is she supposed to say? Yeah, she wants to still be bad exact to you. She had only heard about it. Yeah. Well, we spend a lot of time together. It's kind of a work in progress as I go, as we hang. You can't judge a piece of art while it's being made, folks.

True. Yeah, you can. I agree. No, I agree with Casey. The entirety of art school is that concept. And that's why art school spits out fuckups like me. I came from art school. I came from art school, too.

You guys are supposed to say, no, Jeopardy, you're not a fuck up. Instead everybody was like, yeah, anyway. No, guys, if you're in Los Angeles, keep masking, try to limit being outside, unless you're going to Casey's birthday, which is, is that still happening on, is that still happening tomorrow?

Yeah, yeah, but I changed venues to a spot with more indoor space. I changed venues to 4100 bar. And if that's full, we'll go to Everson Royce. We do have a lot to get to guys. Here we go. I would say that why are we doing this show and there's so much devastation happening, people losing their homes.

The reason is people need to experience joy. And if not that, at least they can look at us and be like, well, at least that's not what I spend my time doing. Right. So it's looking on the bright side of life and it's also looking on the bright side of laughs. My Bond of the Week is Kyle McLaughlin, because I feel like now that Lynch is gone, he's finally free to do

the stuff he really wants like Bond. Wow. The stuff he really wants. Twin Peaks? Nah. Nah, he wants to have my tick tock. No, he wants to have a conceal. My TikTok? No. He was being polite to David. Yeah, he was kind of throwing him a boat. Well, not all these years, but after the first Twin Peaks, I think all the shit was kind of a favor to David.

Yeah, I guess I'll do Twin Peaks some more. Yeah. So who's your bond? Come back to me. I haven't thought of one yet. Got it. Ali. I'm going to go with Mike Myers. Yeah, because he did Austin Powers, which is just a parody of Bond. And I wonder if he could do it without his tongue being stuck in his cheek.

Yes. Marika. Sir, Sharonin. Why? I think she'd be good at it. Yes. Marika? Saoirse Ronan. Why? I just think she'd be good at it. Got it. This is why you don't work in casting. Casey?

John Cena. Can we move on? Thank you. Word of the God damn day. All right, as you guys know, 2025 is the word of the day is evolved to me coining terms. Today's word of the day is facilitate. It's to broker loathing. Yeah. Yeah.

So like, can you use it in a sentence? All the ones that are coming to mind are like, airing people's dirty laundry that I cannot say. Like, I was gonna say... It, you know, basically like when... ...are in a room, that's facility. Um, but let me... He falls out of his chair. But let me think of something I don't have to believe. I'm gonna go. I'm gonna go. I'm gonna go. I'm gonna go. I'm gonna go. I'm gonna go.

I'm gonna go. I'm gonna go. I'm gonna go. I'm gonna go. I'm gonna go. I'm gonna go. I'm gonna go. I'm gonna go.

I'm gonna go. I'm gonna go. I'm gonna go. I'm gonna go. I'm gonna go. I'm gonna go. I'm gonna go. I'm gonna go.

I'm gonna go. I'm gonna go. I'm gonna go. I'm gonna go. I'm gonna go. I'm gonna go. I'm gonna go. I'm gonna go. I'm gonna go. I'm gonna go. I'm gonna go Coins, we've done Casey's Woes.

This is Ally's Sonder. Basically, how often does Ally Sonder? Can we get a numbers crutch on what Sonder means, actually? Basically, Sonder means to think about how other people experience life as their own main character And by the way Sonder is not the word of the day the word of the day is facilitate Facilitate I got me saying it Casey you know but a Alexander would be how often does Ali think about other people's lives from their perspective instead of her own and

This is just a number that you would give us Ali and then we can move on oh It's just a number then we can move on. Oh, okay. It's just a number and then we can move on. Yeah, exactly right. I don't, like percentage? I don't know, honestly, constantly. Ever since I found out what Sonder was from Tumblr. Yeah, which was like 10 years ago.

Yeah, I'm gonna go with probably for 10 years, I've been really focused on Sonder. Yeah, I got it. Moving on, new novel, new novel idea. Again, just a title with a log line. Have you, I keep doing this every week. You guys haven't stopped me and been like, that's the one, go ahead and write that.

So you're just waiting for everyone else to tell you which one to pick? Validation, yeah, in a way. Just because I'm like, you guys, I don't have a publisher, so all the best I have is like fucking Anya This so far this feels like we're in a town meeting Okay, okay where we're just like going through the items of the week like in Gilmore Girls, and I'm sort of oh My god, what's his name? Taylor. Taylor. Yeah.

A thimble of diesel. So this is the story about the man who created the first diesel driven drone and the tiny bucket of oil that powers the device thus. I don't like it. So, yep. Yeah, you have to find that's something better. I wouldn't mean I'm going to take a lot of work. Well, you can find a person. You have to find a person that did that a lot of work. What do you mean, I'm gonna take a lot of work? I feel like it writes itself. You have to find a person that did that,

which hasn't been done, obviously. Sorry, I didn't say it was historical fiction. Oh, you think every book happened? Wow! Point to me on a map, by the way, Marika, where the city of Ember is. That shit is fiction. Yeah, he wants to write a novel. Thank you. And it's not, it is not historical fiction.

But my question is, do you even think that sounds like an interesting story? It's morning pages, Casey, all right? You got to get the bullshit out of the way until you get to the real goal. Is it kind of Hanukkah for drones? Um... Oh, the oil. Thimble of oil? But they flew for eight nights.

I really did want our protagonist to be Lutheran, so I don't find it to be Hanukkah in nature. To me, this inventor is ultimately, he's Christian to be sure. It's truly just a flying device that is fed by like a shot glass of gas instead of electricity. Right. Yeah. So as it goes around, it's sputtering.

Yeah, you can stop. Yep. Telling us. It's about the guy. Get into our first segment then. It's not exciting. That's about the guy. Well, let's get into our first segment then. It's not exciting. That's about the guy that's not exciting. Uh, guys, breaking news, the FDA has banned red dye number three. It's an artificial food dye that's been linked to cancer that I think ten years ago was taken

out of cosmetics, but the FDA let us continue eating it. Which by the way, what's the fear in cosmetics that it seeps through your pores and gets into your system? Eating it, it's guaranteed to do that. So that's why I don't trust the government. But you have to assume that there's vats of this shit laying around in warehouses everywhere, right? Yeah, it's not just gonna go away.

So what are we use it for? That's why this is a segment I like to call Future Use. Red dye number three edition. Basically, I'm going to list out pitches for future uses of red dye number three. And you guys tell me whether or not you'd want it to be used for that. Does this make sense? Yes. Yes. Yes, or you're loving it?

Yes, and I'm loving it. Nice, okay. Number one, add it to public pools to make them interesting. Are you concerned about like, it got banned because of consumption, it got banned from cosmetics because of I'm assuming skin contact topical. Yeah, you're just like just put it in a pool, but it'll still have the same effect.

You're not like looking for. A use that is useful at all for it. It's just a just another way for it to harm us. I'm saying there is vats of this shit everywhere. So where do we put that? It can't just be thrown into, do you want it thrown into the ocean, Casey? This is future use.

What can it be put to use? I'm just saying, and you can say you don't want it for that, but add it to public pools, make them a little more interesting. Every pool I've ever been to, by the way, has been blue. I've never been in a red pool. That could be interesting. You just have to paint the pool.

Yeah, you just gotta paint the pool. Which could be cool. That could be fun. Maybe that's what there were dyes for. Yeah, yeah. The paint for the pool. Makes it look like some paint. Okay, Allie? That's what the red dye is for. Yeah, yeah. The paint for the bull. Makes it look like some paint. Okay.

Allie? I was just thinking of other ideas. I think if I had a vat of red dye, I'd probably donate it to a high school production of Carrie. All right. Well, we do need to take a quick break. That was actually all I had for future use. And that's all I could think about. So we have that and then we have Carrie and we'll be right back

Hopefully there's an ad I doubt it Maybe if Micah got on fast started selling some shit God and we are back for better for worse, guys, welcome to Game Over. Do you guys like that as a way to get into a game? I do like that, yeah. All right, well guys, this is, you guys have heard of Wirtle? Yes. This is Thirtle. Yes. This is third. Wow. Basically, this is wordle.

But for celebrities who you would want to be your and your partner theoretically is third. Right. So here we go. Casey, you want to take this first one sorry okay I guess I'll think of a celebrity with a name that has five letters sure sure I'm going to go with share and then add an S at the end. And I will say that that's not correct. But I but that was and it doesn't even count as a guess because it's not a proper noun. Okay. Yeah, but I did think about doing that.

So you would have been correct. Share with an S at the end? I thought of it, sure. Or should I say sure? Sorry about that. Ali, next guess. Smith? Smith.

You got the H where it's supposed to be. Very interesting, holy shit. By the way, for our audio listeners, fuck you! Watch on YouTube, bitch. Marika? Wow, okay. Jimmy. Jimmy. Jimmy, which by the way is not a good guess

because there's two N's. We already know H is at the end. And we know M is not in the word. Nothing. Way to go. I couldn't think of a name that ended with H. Why don't you make your next guess Smith while you're at it? As long as we're guessing shit, that definitely isn't it.

And. Okay. I'm gonna go with, I'm looking up some names here. Micah. That's shit ass. Micah, here we go. M and I. Okay. Micah. That's shit ass. Micah, here we go. Not a valid word. Not a valid word.

Back to Ali. That's true. That was actually a worst guess. Ali, back to you. Hmm. Hmm. Come on. This is so hard. I'm trying to think of a name that ends in a C-H.

Why? What? I mean, we can just throw other shit up on the wall. Okay No, nothing Marika three more guesses and then there's six more of these Judah Judah not a word. That's a name Oh, so it's not even names. Wow, they're freaking out. The name is the correct thing.

This wordle custom thing will figure it out. Casey. No way, who the fuck is that? That's Anya. Anya's giving a thumbs up to me right now. By the way, Anya, I asked Anya to be on this shit. She said no, she's busy and I asked her on is very excited She wants to talk to me. I'm getting a lot. Let's get on you get on you in here. Give her a guest guy No, no get on you here. Give her a guest. Yes. She is she's gone

Yes, this is a good one. I'm gonna go with Earth. Okay. Oh! Very interesting. I'm figuring out the game. Don't think of names, people. Just think of a five-letter word. All right, now back to Ali.

I was trying to think of names that were words and I was getting really confused. So the A either starts it or it's between the R and the H as in ra ra lady gaga. But it can't be Sarah. Okay, it could but. Can't. Can't.

Right, because the A would have to be there. Interesting, very interesting actually. Guys, this was supposed to be a gimme segment. Where's four minutes. It was? Sorry, I'm so confused. This was supposed to take five minutes, now it's taking like 30. What about...

Skip. Skip, all right. Let's just... No more of this going around one person by one person. Just shout a guess if you have it. Just skip me. Just shout it out if you have it. Just skip me. Just shout it out if you have a guess. I will say Marika guessed guest,

so do you wanna do that? Yeah. Just to see if any of these? Yeah. Yeah. None of them. Yeah. Awful guess. One last one, all right? You got an R and an H in position already. The A either starts it or it's between the R and the H.

Can we just get something, something guys it doesn't fucking matter Let's throw the a between the r and the h okay, so Something like that, but replacing use with some yeah, let's replace those use with Cora her yeah, whore. I whore. I didn't think Cora her yeah, whore. I didn't think Guys no, we didn't get it Everybody look at your That was so hard everybody look under your seats is this guy you thought I was gonna go Jeff

It's not as bad as it could have gone, but it's not ideal. Maybe we'll get better on this next THIRD OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO Alright, here we go Gale Gale not a word actually I want to go with Oprah Oprah Oprah Oprah Not a word, actually. I want to go with Oprah. Oprah, not a word. Oh, Carrol! How could it work the last time? It would have worked on the other one because it was the word! Now it's not the word, right?

What about Bruce? Bruce, not a word. What about Moore with two O's a la Demi? Moore, that's a name, not a word. What about more with two O's a la demi? More, that's a name, not a word. Guys, Casey had the right idea with the fucking. Braille. Braille, very interesting. All right, we got an A and an L.

Now we're on the right track. That could be anything. Barely. Barely, that's what you sound like when you don't put the effort into the game. Let's really keep this shit going. Why is it when I say that, everybody falls silent? We're thinking!

Think nothing. No! No, not a word. What about lasty? Lasty, not a word, not a name by the way alien alien Holy shit alright, so a and L are we already knew you got the E from that it starts with a It starts with a frankly. I don't even know okay. I do know what it is I Know what the name is most of these things, but let's just keep it going, right?

Let's keep the energy up because I feel like you guys start to die down. This would never happen. Is this a first name or a last name? If you guys want a hint, all of these are names of celebrities who go by one name and in going by one name, five letters only. Okay. And in going by one name five letters only Okay This is better than other segments I've done let's go

Celebrity was one letter clue starts with a Apple Apple Fucking nailed it! What else? Starts with A, ends in L, E. Adele. Yes! Alright, nailed it Casey. Start us off on the next one, sir. Let's go with... I'm gonna go with...

I'm gonna go with... I'm gonna go with... I'm gonna go with... I'm gonna go with... I'm gonna go with... I'm gonna go with... I'm gonna go with... I'm gonna go with...

I'm gonna go with... I'm gonna go with... I'm gonna go with... I'm gonna go with... I'm gonna go with... I'm gonna go with... I'm gonna go with... I'm gonna go with... I'm gonna go with... I'm gonna go with... Alright, nailed it Casey. Start us off on the next one, sir. Let's go with Drake. Drake.

Alright, interesting, very interesting. Keep in mind, these are people you'd want to be your third. I don't think anyone here would want to have Drake in the room. Frankly, I think we're all a little too old for his ass. You want Oprah to be your third? I wouldn't mind if she watched. She could sit in the cuck chair. We have an R and an E, folks.

Do Earth again. No, don't do it. Don't do it. Don't do it. I take it back. I take it back. Don't do it. Fine. Why? Because of the A. OK, I got it. All right. E and an R, folks. This isn't rocket science. So you come up with a word that has R and E in it. It's not rocket science.

Okay, we're thinking of names of celebrities that are one name only. Just guess words until you have more letters and then guess the celebs. Don't tell us how to play turtle. This was your idea on how to approach it. Liver. Obviously not, yeah.

Very interesting, ends in an ER. Do you guys want a hint? Usher. Okay, here we go, Casey. Woo! Wow. I'm really teeing him up. I hit the wrong word, I did hit the wrong word.

This is so hard for me. Casey's killing it. Let's start us off, Allie, after you just said that. Okay. Piano. Piano. Got the O. Got the O.

Very interesting. Another five-letter word with O in it where O's not the end Oprah Oprah not a word, okay The names only count if you get the name, right? Sorry my round Pfff. Sorry, my- Round. Round!

All right, R and O, both present. O not at the end or the second letter. R not on the first. Brown. One of my favorite words. B and O, both in the right place. R we know is not first, we know is not second. We know it's not third either because O is there.

So R either comes at the end or the penultimate space. If you're driving to work, get a work from home job so you can watch the episodes while you're. Well, it's not Bjorn. There's no N. Bjorn. There's no N. B-L-O. Ooh. Yeah. C-K. Block. Block. Put block in. Oh, yeah. Yes.

OK, block block. Put block in. Oh, wow. So we have B on the first K at the end. Oh, in the center. And we know there's an R in there. Bork. It's it's Bork. All right.

Yeah. Which was. Bork. It's Bork, all right. Yes! Which was absolutely who I was thinking of when I said Bjorn. You said Bjorn. There we go. All right. This one, for some reason, has six? I didn't know that. Oh, God. What?

Right when I get used to five. Interesting. Let's go with Shakira. Shakira, Shakira. Oh, baby, when you have too many letters for the stupid game. Got no ads. The show sucks. What about do wisdom?

Wisdom, one of my favorite words. There's an I in there. There is an I, not where you put it in wisdom, but there is an I. Give me an I. Isaiah. Not a valid word, that's a no. Yeah. Not a valid word, that's a name. Well, yeah. It's celebrities who go by one name.

We know! Isaiah, who the fuck is that? Right? I don't- who's wisdom? It's a word to narrow down the letters! I know! I thought maybe that would be on here too. Any six-letter word will narrow it down.

We have five more guesses to get to. I almost said the person's name. Looking at words. Blocks. Blocks. There's a C, there is. There is also an I, but neither of them are where those were.

Continue. Prince. Nailed it! Really good. That was incredible. It's gonna be word all. Back to five. Don't you know it's gonna be third all. Don't you know it's gonna be third all Without males

No, no, oh my god Don't well don't do that. I did both and you got two letters out of the bitch, right? Just fucking figure it out so we can go on this whole thing should have taken seven minutes. Give me Lizzo. Oh! It's bad bitch o'clock. Very interesting. Guys, we got there. I don't know why anyone would look upon that segment unfavorably.

All right. It's like if we did a Sudoku together. Folks, if you liked that segment, please comment on Jeff's most recent Instagram post that you liked, Thirtle. I don't even mind that, because the engagement might help the sketch go viral. Here's what I'm a little bit upset about.

By the way, follow me on TikTok, because I think it'll still exist in a week. I'm trying to go viral on TikTok to get myself more acting opportunities. Also, frankly, it's kind of fun, right? And we don't do the headgum sketches every week anymore. We do them every other month. You're not going for Red Note. You're giving it a last ditch effort on TikTok. I don't think TikTok's gonna go away,

but if it does, I'm gonna be pissed. Because five years went by where I didn't take it seriously as a potential career avenue. Suddenly I make a New Year's resolution to take this shit seriously finally, to get myself some more audition opportunities, and then they shut the bitch down. Yeah, it's to spite you.

It is, I really feel like the Biden and Trump administrations don't want me to be on a CBS sitcom. All right, welcome to our last segment, guys. This is a segment I like to call True or False Useless Knowledge Edition, all right a segment I like to call true or false useless knowledge edition. All right? This is gonna be 20 true or false questions,

or rather 20 true or false statements. You'd say whether they're true or false. They are niche useless facts that are either true or I made them up. Got it? Sure. This one's for actual cash, right? Oh.

$5 per correct answer. Oh my god. All right. Actually, that's a hundred dollars. Yeah, don't do that. Yeah. One dollar per correct answer. You might walk away with enough to get a cold brew.

All right, here we go. Australia's width is wider than the moon. False. False. False? Yeah, false. You're wrong. Ha ha. No, Australia's gonna go ahead and be wider than the moon.

Ha ha ha. What is the width of the moon? My God. Like if you cut right through it. I don't, can we get a numbers crunch on that or do you expect me to know that shit? No, I just do you expect no that like follow-up questions on facts bullshit? I Just met what is it like cutting down the middle you'd love that if as a haircut for me, wouldn't you yeah?

Sort of a reverse reverse mohawk. Yeah, all right moving on what? Alley do you want to get a numbers crunch on the width of the fucking moon? You don't have to, Ali. Oh, Ali doesn't have to. I wasn't asking for a fucking number. I was just asking for what you thought- Brooke Shields was the first woman to become a full member of the exclusive Los Angeles Country Club. True. False.

True. Wrong to Allie and Casey! That's gonna go ahead and be a dollar to Marika's name. Oh, candidly, I didn't really hear the question. I just jumped on the bandwagon. Rolled doll never turned to type. Sorry. Rolled doll never turned to type. Sorry, rolled doll never learned to type. True or false?

True. True. True. You're wrong. He absolutely typed. Yeah, but he was racist, so. That's true. Hold on, I have to let Chuck in and do this one without me.

Okay. Dora the Explorer's original name was gonna be Lilac the Finder. False. False. Correct! All right, it's up to you guys, by the way, to keep a tally of how much cash you're going home with.

Honor Cisco. Yeah, you owe me a dollar. All right, interesting. Here, Ali, you're going home with. Honor Cisco. Yeah, you owe me a dollar. All right, interesting. Here, Ally, you came back really quickly. So Dora the Explorer's original name was gonna be Lilac the Finder. True or false? No.

Okay, yeah, so now I owe you a dollar. Um. Um. Um. All right. Ketchup used to be prescribed by doctors to treat diarrhea and jaundice. True. True.

False. That is true. Two dollars to Ali, two dollars to Mariko, one dollar to Casey's name. Here we go. The first flavors of Jell-O were savory and included salted onion, hunted mushroom and rosemary fowl. True. True. True. True. True, and also you owe me three dollars. You're wrong.

Are you guys hearing the sound? No. No. Fuck! You're wrong. What'd you say? I said you owe me three dollars. Just keep the running tally to yourself,

and hold all questions till the end. You're acting like the five dollars you owe us is really going to break you. Five. Five dollars. Five dollars off my hour. Pope John Paul II was made an honorary Harlem Globetrotter. I want it to be true. Yeah, me too.

I'll say true for the lols. I'm gonna say false. That's fucking true. Yeah! What a cool organization. Which one? The Catholic Church or the Globetrotters? Ha ha ha!

The Globetrotters. Okay. Do you think the Globetrotters had themselves a conclave to decide that? I was literally gonna say that. I was gonna say, imagine a movie like Conclave but about the Harlem Globetrotters trying to decide their next captain. My God, when they guest starred on Scooby-Doo, that was so good. Yeah. You're right. All right. In Tamil Nadu, India.

Sorry. In Tamil Nadu, India, women were not given names until 2001. False. False. False. That's yeah, it's false. That's where my ancestors are from from partially on my dad's side. A banana is considered a berry. False, false. False, true.

Raw. Raw. Uh, Raw. Raw. That's true. Who was that? What was that they just did there? That was I want to say DJ Trump. I thought there was a specific definition of what a berry was. Yeah, I thought they had to have like visible seeds or something. Yeah, that's what I thought. If you cut open a banana, there's something in the middle.

I don't know if it's seeds. Yeah, the banana. The banana. Banana. Ba ba ba banana. Right, Minions? Oh, you're like the definition of brain rot. Yeah.

He's gone. You guys all celebrate. All right. Golf cars are street legal in San Francisco a Golf cart yeah, I think it's the same thing true Yeah, true true Rang peanut butter can be churned into diamonds. False.

False. That's true. I don't know how. Can anything be churned into diamonds? I forget the source. I didn't save it, but it's on some list of 150 useless facts. Did you find this list, like when you're on one website and you scroll to the bottom and it's like, check out all these

useless facts on this other website. Casey, how much longer do you want to be here? Can we just get through these shits, do our plugs and go? It's Friday afternoon. The tasty spread is used to provide the carbon, which when exposed to the appropriate heat and pressure levels will turn into a crystallized diamond. I bet you no one who's listening to this

thought they would hear the sentence, peanut butter can be churned into diamonds, and then subsequently the nut butter spread. The tasty spread. The tasty spread, What was it? Can provide the carbon? The carbon. Um, holy shit.

Now that's a t-shirt. Salt, true or false? Salt was once considered cash. True. True. Spam is short for spiced ham. Spam you said? Yes. True. False. False? That is true. The human brain is mostly fat.

False. True. True. Correct! It is true. I thought it was mostly water. Or that's just our whole body. That's our whole body, yeah. My brain is mostly water.

Epidemiologists believe that at the same time as Jesus Christ's historical existence, there was a major flu pandemic in Brazil. Sorry, wait, what? Can you say that one more time? Epidemiologists who study pandemics believe historically that at the same time Jesus Christ the man was alive There was a major flu pandemic in Brazil Unrelated to what he had going on.

What do you mean? Well everything I know about Jesus Christ, like he was like a superstar. Well, not in the Brazil region. Sure. Right. So just like unrelated to what was going on with Jesus. There was a I think you're overthinking it. It's just at the same time as like 20 B.C. There was a panda. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

We just never really think of like what was happening at the same time. Right. Oh, we ran out of time on talking. Shut the fuck up. I really should have mentioned this at the beginning, but if you kind of like overthink any one of these, your cash goes back to zero. There are five more.

So you forgot to mention that now that you're in the whole. You do. I really thought're in the whole list. Now that you're in the whole $20. I really thought you guys knew. There are five more that you can get right. You can still leave with $5. Ready? By the way, this ups the stakes.

Because now you have $0, you still want to make some cash. So now we're all going to take these last five. Not really. Really? It's $5. Julius Caesar preferred, true or false? Julius. Julius Caesar preferred milk to water and ordered his armies to drink it for hydration. True, true. False.

Ali is correct. That is false. Seems like a lot of effort. Natalie Portman is currently dating the CEO of Colgate. I thought she was married. No, they got divorced. He cheated on her with like a 23 year old. I'm gonna go with true then. Yeah, same. I'm gonna say false, because I haven't heard this.

That is correct, Allie. Allie is two for two out of these last five. She's gonna be going home with some cash. All right. White meat originally referred to milk rather than lean fowl. What? White meat used to refer to milk, not like lean chicken. Chicken breast.

False. True. Marika, you're going home with a dollar. That's correct. That was true. All right. The lighter was invented before the match. False. True.

Marika's going home with $2. That was absolutely true. And lastly, Casey, if you want to go home with anything, here's your chance. The oldest steakhouse in America still serves beets. True. Yeah, true. True. That is false. I made that shit up, dude. Casey's going home, I want to say broken, alone.

The oldest steakhouse in America is old Homestead Steakhouse in Manhattan, dating back to 1868. And there are no beats on the fucking menu. And frankly, I wouldn't have anything contrary. You don't have beef. I'm not gonna lie, I thought you said beef. But. Listening is part of the game. All right, guys, plugs.

What do you guys have going on? What do you wanna point people towards? The floor is yours, starting with Ally. You can follow me at Ally con on letterboxd or Instagram or a Good reads or fable trying to build up my reading following this year and then that's about it watch a David Lynch movie this weekend Yeah Casey You go to Casey makes movies calm and see movies I make there and

You can follow me on Instagram at Gazy Donahue and same for Letterboxd. Marika? And watch a David Lynch movie I suggest watching Lost Highway. Follow me at MarikaElon on Letterboxd and Twitter and Instagram and Blue Sky and whatever else. And I guess also watch a David Lynch movie, but I've never done that, so I can't really... Wow. Are you scared? Definitely.

I've wanted to watch Mulholland Drive for a long time and I never did. At I am Jeffrey James on TikTok at Jeffrey James on Instagram posting sketches, reels, TikToks, character videos, trying to boost my following specifically on TikTok. But if TikTok does get banned, please follow me on Instagram. Should be some some laughs to be had there, I hope. And if not, that's on me. We'll see you guys again next week. That was a Headgum Original. Hi guys, I'm Ago Wodem. Check out my new show, Thanks Dad, now on HeadGum. I was raised by a single mom and I don't have a relationship with my dad and, spoiler, I

don't think I'm ever going to have one with him because he's dead. But I promise you that's okay because on my new podcast I sit down with father figures like Bill Burr, Kenan Thompson, Adam Pally, Hassan Minaj, Tim Meadows, Andy Cohen, and many, many more. I get to ask them the questions I've always wanted to ask a dad like, how do I know if the guy I'm dating is the one? Or how can I change the oil in my car? Can you even show me that? Or better yet, can you help me perfect my jump shot?

I am so bad at basketball. Oh my gosh. Maybe I'm bad at basketball because I don't have a dad. But subscribe to Thanks Dad on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, Pocket Casts, or wherever you get your podcasts. New episodes drop every Monday.