The Headgum Podcast - 240: Swimming in Coins

Episode Date: January 31, 2025

Marika, Anya, and Amir join Geoff for an episode all about SWIMMING! They discuss swimming in coins, which celebrities should be added to coins, and play a round of Coins For Groins!» FOLLOW Geoff on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/geoffreyjames/» FOLLOW Amir on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/amir/» FOLLOW Marika on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/marikaelon/» FOLLOW Anya on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/radiofreeanya/Advertise on The Headgum Podcast via Gumball.fmRate The Headgum Podcast 5-stars on Apple PodcastsRate The Headgum Podcast 5-stars on SpotifyJoin the Headgum DiscordSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a Headgum Original. Previously on the Headgum Podcast. So like you guys have sort of like this cultural thumb on the pulse that I frankly will never have because I'll never catch up to y'all in terms of how long I've lived here. Even if I moved here today. You haven't experienced things that we have experienced. I've never been to Ellis Island. Me neither.

What? Well, I wanted to talk to you guys because last night I went to PJ Clark's, right? 1884, let me finish. Let me finish. Is that that weird bar in Midtown? Is that that awesome bar on the Upper East? Barely Upper East, definitely Midtown. Lennox Hill. bar on the Upper East? It's barely Upper East.

Definitely Midtown. Lenox Hill. Because I think I've actually been there before. But like you feel like you're in like the 1930s? 1880s. Sure. And you can tell the difference by the way. What's that? What's that? Welcome back to another edition of that podcast. Right. Yeah. The theme for today's episode, OK, is swimming. That will come up later.

Well, now let's just enjoy. OK. Intro. Oh, intros. The wax, the guests. Please welcome to the show, Marika Brownlee. Hi. We've got a lot to get to today. Obviously, what's up? Anybody else to intro or it's sort of a Marika only edition no it's okay we'll

stay on mute you guys go ahead and the mirror is here and please welcome to show on you guys guy where you get your hair looks nice thank you why are we all low energy Jeb today? You are. I am. I said the theme is swimming. I said the theme is swimming. That'll come back later. I introduced Marika, Anya, and Amir.

Correct. In a low energy way. Let's continue. You did have a vibe of like, what's the Shreddy Balls SNL sketch? Like what is it? Like that was the tone of voice that you had. It was like very soft spoken. Like it was going to the whack.

NPR. Yeah. In a way. Yeah. You sound quiet to me, Jeff. Just so you know. On the Zoom I sound quiet? In the room you sound quiet.

On the Zoom you're definitely loud. You're definitely more quiet than on the room, you sound quiet. On the Zoom, you're definitely loud. You're definitely more quiet than on the mirror. How's this? Yeah. Is that any better? Yeah. That is better. It's Eddie Vedder.

Wow. That's nice. It's sweaty Vester. Huh? Sweaty Vester, so that's like a mix between Eddie Vedder and sweaty balls where it's someone wearing like a vest that was knit. I see. I really, you know, we got to get the energy up, right?

I have a lot prepared. I'm excited to get to. But if you guys are going to stay on this flatlining dead grandpa kick, I think we just don't like that joke. So if you move on, then we'll be. I kind of want to sit in it. You haven't started yet and nothing's happening. You just said it. The theme is swimming. There was nothing for us to do or react to.

-♪ ELECTRONIC MUSIC PLAYING -♪ Go ahead. David... Schwimmer. Schweddy. Just David? Just like the biblical David. No, David Schwimmer. We have a group one over here, since we're like the biblical David. No, David Trimmer.

We have a group one over here since we're in the same room. OK, so there's this David Schwimmer, Marika, who do you got? Anyone interesting or is it going to be more like David Schwimmer? Well, it wasn't going to be more like David Trimmer, but but it's interesting. Yeah, it's definitely not going to be interesting. I was trying to think of another David. OK. David.

Yeah, the biblical David. Michael Angeles, David. Imagine knowing someone from the Bible in the sense. Have you ever worked up with a celebrity? Yeah, I hooked up with fucking Goliath. And he was on like a horse. How tall was Goliath, biblically speaking? Five, 11, but everyone else is super small.

Yeah, everybody had a different time. Yeah. Yeah. So like today he would get made fun of for saying he was six foot, but he wasn't. Do you think Goliath was real? I do not. What about Jesus? I think Jesus was a man.

So Jesus was actually a man, but Goliath was not correct. Moses dead. He doesn't exist anymore, but at some point, maybe. Maybe Jesus Moses definitely existed. Moses has a man existed maybe, maybe. But Jesus. A Moses definitely existed. Moses has a man existed. Jesus has a man existed. I don't think a man named Goliath, who was like a giant guy who got defeated by a shorty named David, was real.

Because why? Because the Bible is half mythology and then half historical events. Interesting. And it's exactly split down the middle like that. 50-50. I'm not sure about that. I just know that some of this stuff was just stories and some of it was historical accounts. Histories. But were they...

Stories. Isn't that kind of... Wait a minute. And it should be her stories. And then it'd be two girlies and one's really big and one's really small. Does the Bible pass the Bechdel test? Did two women talk to each other about anything other than a man? Yeah, like Ruth and fucking Lilith.

Did they ever have a conversation about the weather? They did in pitches that didn't make the final cut. It would be them like, sorry. Yeah, it'd be them like talking about like different kind of loincloths to wear for their man. That's a big one. Wage meeting could be a good sketch. That's funny. Yeah, I was in a web series called the Bible Writers Room

that never came out. Huh? For what? Website. I think it was like they were making it to then pitch it to a 2B to a go 90. They didn't quite have the budget to edit the bitch but I do think they blow their budget on the shoot. I don't know who their UPM was on the the the project but I think they failed them ultimately. Interesting. Yeah. Okay. What happened to you guys earlier today I

feel like the energy really isn't there you guys were late by 10 minutes by the way that like that might have had wonder why that I can't I don't remember why that was it was me and I was doing my job physically pointed fingers and then I was like this I was like just no you said well that was because this. I was like, just know you said, well, that was because I mean, I'm not quite sure, but I was going to say this on you. You felt a gun against your thigh under the table. My bond of the week is Ted Danson, because I feel like we haven't had a charming bond.

I've been so untrue. That's what I've been. I've been rewatching Cheers. So it's funny that you bring that up. It was just it came up on like the Google Chrome screen and Avital had never seen it. I'm like, oh, the first season of Cheers is great. OK, so Bond walks into like a really fancy hotel bar and everybody's like Bond.

Like Norm. It's time for a Norm Bond. George went. Yeah. Wow. Just have to keep powering through the lack of energy here. Word of the fucking day. Gunt. Nobody said that. No, no, no, no. Sorry. I feel like a fucking broker.

Yeah, you've had to explain a lot of times. Do you want me to handle it? Thank you. no, sorry. I feel like a fucking broker. Yeah, you've had to explain this a lot of times. Do you want me to handle it? Thank you. Yes, please. Yeah. So Jeff is now pitching a new word for the Dictionary. Coining terms. Coining phrase. Yeah. Sort of thing. In this week, I guess it's gone. Yeah, exactly right.

It's a gun owning. I like I loved it. I did love it. It's good. I mean, it's good when Marika likes something. Do we have to bleep the C-word? I'm gonna bleep it. I don't really want it out there on the internet, me saying it with a hard C.

It'll be hard for people to know what he means. It's funny how there's different levels of swears like, fuck ill, it's some reaction, bitch less so. But the C word is like extra profane for some reason. Yeah, if we were in the UK. Yeah. And ultimately, that's why I think it's funny. Gunt is different, though. I don't think you have to believe Gunt because

Do you want me to use it in a sentence? Yeah, sure. So a mirror is a Gunt. That makes sense. I don't own a gun. He meant Colin. Yeah. Marika, this, I'm going to show you guys a video.

This did make me think of you. And that's kind of all I care to share. At remind video of Marika? Yeah, it just kind of like I was scrolling through my feed and, you know, TikTok was down over the weekend and then I saw that and I was like, Oh, who does this remind me of? Brownlee. Why? Um, we do have to move on.

And then I feel like we can get into it in a bit. The theme of the episode is swimming. It's Pile. And he refuses to delete it. Despite my begging, choking, laughing. That's horrible and so unfair to Pile. Oh, unfair to Pile. Pile hasn't been on the show.

I've asked him like seven times in the past year. He won't been on the show. I've asked him like seven times in the past year he won't come on the show. He's on a plane. The only way to get Andrew on is to have his lungs spitting thus. Welcome to Anya's Railways. How many? This is Anya's railways. So we've had Casey's Follies, we've had Marika's dimes. This is Anya's railways. Basically numerically, quantitatively, how many trains has Anya rode? Just a question? Just a number. For me or for other people?

For you! I wouldn't bring up how many trains you've been on for Amir to answer. I thought it was a guessing thing. I don't know. I've been on many trains. I love the train. Bring back National Rail. I, sorry, we don't need all this information.

We just need a number. How many trains? I don't know. Seventy five. Wow. That's not, that's low. No, a hundred and fifty. Double it.

Fuck it. Three hundred. Who gives a shit? Yeah. We're counting subways. Are we counting subways? And are we counting return trips? Every time you physically stepped on a train to ride the bitch. 500. 525,000 railways I've sat in.

How do you measure, measure a train? A track. A track! That's really good. New novel title, right? An idea for a book I might write if you guys love this idea. All right. The title is Tears of Roy. And it's a novel about a man named Roy who's never shed a tear until one day when he gets hit by a plane and he finally cries.

I feel like those are rewritten lyrics to ironic violinist Morris. That's funny. I would leave the right. Hit by a plane. I think you should write that one. Really? I feel like it writes itself to a degree. I would I would love to read a chapter that you've written specifically about a man getting hit by a plane.

Like that's the plane hit chapter. Okay. Alright, I'll write that. I promised one of the guests in there a cold bird I never brought it to them. Do you think I should have spoken up for you? No, no, no. Here we go. Name the guest. I'll tell you whether or not you have to go do that.

Fran Gillespie. You're fine. I actually know Fran. You don't have to. I had no Roy, but to hit planes. Tears of Roy. Tears of Roy. Tears of Roy, the novella is really good. Go for a novella for that one. Yeah, no way.

Plus it's easier for you to accomplish something like that. Or like a short story. Yeah. I feel like you have better chance of finishing it if it's novella or short story. Isn't there another word for novella? I just learned this and then I forgot it. Yeah, it's a short book. Hey, this is Jeffrey. I'm just sort of overdubbing the episode here.

No, it was a long book I read. Talked about a different name for a short book. It's not novella I read, talked about a different name for a short book. It's not novella. God, this sucks. It sucks to learn something. You suck. You suck. You suck. You are sucks. You suck. You suck.

You really really really suck It's a bummer that we're in the same room cuz he can't use that as audio Yeah, that's what I was like. I'm gonna I'm not gonna say anything. So it's clean. Oh my god. Yeah. Oh my god Welcome back to can we get it clean? Okay, can we get one in the clear? Do you mind if we get a few just audio samples clean, Jeff? As long as they're not super hurtful, yeah. Yeah. So, Jeff. Why don't you just take a minute.

So yeah, okay. Can you take a minute and just think about, seriously. Let's isolate it. No, for real this time. Okay. Take a minute, think about if. Ready. The thing you're about to record is hurtful to me.

And if it is, don't do it. And if it's not, go ahead. Alright. Jeff, you suck. Jeff, you suck. You suck. Jeff, you...suck. Alright, I think we got it.

What? The way you're saying that is crazy. Crazy. And we're back. We're going to just sort of act like the last 15 seconds didn't happen, because otherwise I would have a mentee bee. I might have an oral bee. Well, I use OK. I use Arm and hammer advanced white

Guys you would How's that supposed to be fourth commercial Haven't sold an ad Oh, that's the one thing that's the reason you. Who is a woman, by the way? Yes, we are back. Were you guys ever on like a speech and debate team in high school? Or did you have sex? Neither.

Neither. Neither, that's actually the worst of the three options. Well, this is a segment, it's a debate segment, all right? There's two sides of the same coin here. This is sort of where swimming becomes the theme of the episode. Let's watch a quick video and then I'll explain the segment. If you dove into a pile of coins, some people think you could swim in it, but because they're made of metal, they'd actually walk into place to form a solid surface and they'd be too

heavy to move under your weight. Now a pile of bills might look fluffy and soft, but unlike water, paper doesn't distribute force. Instead, it would all be focused on the spot that you land and the friction between the bills would keep them stacked in a solid mass. If you dove into a pile of coins, Nobody would think that paper is fuzzy soft foam. All right. Debate. as fuzzy soft foam. All right.

Debate! If you could swim in coins, would you? Now, taking the stance of yes I would is gonna be Anya, Amir, and Marika. And taking the side of no, why would I want that is gonna be me, all right? You guys start. Okay.

You have the opening argument. Why wouldn't you want to do something that's almost impossible? You could put yourself in rarefied air slash coin-based water. There's so many things that man has done and none of them involves swimming in coins. Don't you wanna be the few, the proud, the coin swim marines?

I also think that you could probably, you'd break records, which is exciting. You'd probably find an innovative way to accomplish it that would be renowned for the rest of time. And you'd, like Amir said, be the first human to do it because the only other person that's done it is Scrooge McDuck and he's a duck. And the guy from the video. Yeah, but he's not real. Sorry, which side are you on? I'm moderating. I'm just saying he's on the side of diving into coins. Diving into coin, diving into coin. A follow-up argument for diving into coin could be think about all the coins you can stuff in your pocket.

Oh, so you're actually getting with you're making money and history and history. If I'm doing it, it's her story. That's awesome All right first opposition. I Wouldn't want to dive into coins because of what the video shows which is that I would become a mangled mess No matter how wide I smiled on the dive in Also to refute what you guys were just saying if I put coins in my jeans That would even if you could theoretically swim as if coins were a liquid that would sink me to the bottom Also, to refute what you guys were just saying, if I put coins in my jeans, even if you could theoretically swim

as if coins were a liquid, that would sink me to the bottom and I would drown in dimes. All right, second proposition, back to you guys. Clash and offer new substantive arguments. You said in this situation you could swim in coins, so your counter argument of you would die doesn't really hold coin based water.

I also would argue that if you were swimming in water and you put water in your pockets, you wouldn't sink. So if you're swimming in coins, you put coins in your pocket, you don't sink. So you didn't really refute my argument about making money off of this whole situation. I resend my time because I think they have it covered. All right. Second opposition. I obviously fucked up in the first one, but let's kind of circle back and start to figure this shit out. Let's say you could swim in coins. I wouldn't want to because that's worse than banking.

I'm not gonna, you can't leave with the whole that even if you wanted to put water in your jorts in a pool, public or otherwise. Let's say the ocean, let's say there's a whole fucking ocean sea of cash. You can't take it all home with you. And if it's coins, maximum, what are you going home with? $100? Yeah. It's not nothing.

It's pretty good. All right, third proposition. We have to go again? I feel like your whole argument was just that it wasn't about swimming in coins, it was about making money from swimming in coins. And ultimately that's... Well, which was my argument.

Right, but it's like, that's just a bonus. Yeah. To cherry on top. Yeah. It's being able to set a record. That's it? What are you upset about? I'm waiting.

We're playing the game. Are you done? Third proposition. It's supposed to be eight minutes. Now you're done. Eight minutes? Fine, I'll go. I just think it's not that interesting. Would you want that? Not really. Right. And also, how do you explain it to anybody? Nobody's going to fucking believe you.

What did you do last weekend? Oh, I swam in quarters. I swam in. You'd have a video of it. I swam in quarters. I swam in... You'd have a video of it. I swam in quarters. Can I add something? Am I allowed? Well, I'm not done with my third opposition. You can have a rep... He has eight minutes apparently.

I have, yeah, maximum, right? I don't think people would believe you, and even if they did, I think there would be a big question of why. Right? Even if you did the things that you said, like, oh, you could be the... You could set a world record or something. Or you could be the only person other than the real Scrooge McDuck.

All of this is just buying time for someone's eyes to glaze over and then be like, fine, you swam in coins. It's not for them to genuinely believe you. You think setting a world record isn't why enough? Isn't a good enough reason to do anything? Of course not, because I just saw a reel of someone breaking the world record for like pies smashed in half or something. And I'm like, that's not something people do unless they're going for the world record. So world records, in my opinion, are only interesting,

valuable, and impressive if it's something people already do. Like, oh, I held my breath for like 50 minutes or something. That'd be amazing because we all have to breathe. We don't all have to randomly split coconut cream pies down the middle and half in an hour. That's not interesting to me. Oh, I rode a bike for 50 years. Nice because we all ride bikes. I drove that one actually nice. I couldn't tell.

Yeah. Yeah. So when does that call under? I or like the. I drove a car. Was that actually nice? I couldn't tell. Yeah. Yeah. When does that fall under? The pie or like the. No one rides a bike. Opposition reply. It's you guys have four minutes to crystallize the round. What I'm envisioning is that we're setting up a,

you know, like a anti gravity box and you and some coins are getting in there and you're swimming in the coins without any issue. There's cameras everywhere. Everyone is watching this happen. So they believe it. You're breaking the record live. You're catching coins. It's kind of like when you're in an arcade, that game where like the tickets, you're like, you can catch some coins, you can put them in your pocket. That would hurt a lot, to be honest. But swimming is the better alternative. But also they're not, you know, it's anti-gravity. So they're not like flinging around. You're all just kind of hovering.

And I will say, I'm going to think this was a setup, but after you swim in coins and set a world record, you get to go on the new HeadGum podcast yet to be announced, which is going to be all about people who achieved world records, launching in April. Yeah. Jeff doesn't even know that that's real, but that is real. So that was a nice setup. It was really good organic plugging.

The show that I'm currently developing. Nice. Nice? Really good organic looking. The show that I'm currently developing. Nice. Nice? Are you upset or sad or something? You set up this game. Alright, that was debate. You guys win, right? It's what you all wanted. I don't know. There's no moderator, there's no judge. So we'll let the comment section be the judge.

I tried. Based on your rules, there's no moderator, no judge. And you kind of set it up to be three against one because you thought you had it kind of on lock. I had it in the bag. The comment section will back me up in that. I know people are like, oh, like, Jeff did this. He's not prepared.

He didn't do this. Ultimately, people, they're behind me. We'll see. And more than we'll see. Way and below, I guess. What did people think about the blue chew rice song? I know you were considering cutting it. People liked it.

Did you like it? Well, we'll never be sending it to them. And we are back. We couldn't hear any. Yeah, right. Now I played an intro song. Guys, this is another segment. It's called People on. It's called People on Coins.

We haven't had a new person's face on a coin in a minute. So I'm going to list historical figures and you guys say whether or not they'd make a good nickel. OK, so we're replacing Thomas Jefferson. Uh, yeah. Or it'll be on the back. No, this is new coins. And I like two sides of the same coin.

People will say that about Thomas Jefferson and this person. Yeah. Okay. So yeah, it'll make flipping a coin to make a decision really hard because it's just like call it and it's heads and then you win. But, uh, yeah, this will be two sides of the same coin, I guess. To call it, you go, Thomas. That's good. Or what?

Or the other side is or Avril Lavigne. Levine. Yeah, not Levine. She's Canadian, so I would want her on American currency. I didn't say it had to be American. Right. I'm just saying on a new. You said a nickel. He said the nickel. So orders have to be.

Yeah. What about Avril on a coin? She made American herstory, whether she's American or not. I don't think so. Really? What about the fucking skater boy? She saw her later, boy. It was asked and answered. We passed on Avril, respectfully.

Yeah, we're respectfully passing on Avril. It didn't feel quite respectful to me, but here we go. What about Al Franken? Yeah, come on then. Minnesota senator. It'd be fun to have a comedian on a coin. Amir has vested interest in that becoming a trend. It'd be fun to have a senator on a coin,

let alone a comedian. And I feel like you could hit both with one, Al. We don't really have live people on our currency as a general rule. I don't think anybody's been alive and on a bill. Are you saying that would be cool and impressive or you're saying you don't want a Franken on that? They did it. They do it in other places. Yeah. The Queen of England frankens on my owl till I coin.

Yeah, just that. what's the third person? Got it, what about Al Gore? There can only be one owl. Call me owl. Well, you guys didn't want Al Franken on the coin. No, we didn't, we all wanted Al Franken on the coin. If you think there could only be one owl, this whole segment might be over now.

Now. Now. No to Al Gore. That's Nate Nowes. No to Al Gore. Why not? Now's. No to Al Gore. Why not? He won an unfair rigged election. I feel like the least you could do is put him on a dime. But you didn't know how the internet worked.

Imagine a dime piece for that dime piece. Gore? Next one. What about a Gore house? What? Basically Al Gore would be the, uh, the house, the madam. Yeah. Like a new Orleans style, hype, house, hype slash whore house, or house of whores.

Are there still hype houses where like influencers live together or was that like, uh, al Pacino, but if a hundred percent on a coin, right? Al Pacino, Al Pacoima. So this could be like a regional token for anywhere. Chunky cheese and and Pacoima, California. Yeah, exactly. You can go on a wooden quarter or whatever those things are that you get. I feel like you're not getting the segment.

We are. They should make like, you know, those when you smash the penny, souvenir, your coins. Oh, yeah. No, but that's not it has to be spendable currency with the Gino. You know, spend that. So Al on a coin or you can't call him out. I still think there can only be one out and also we're like running out of the amount of coins that we could change.

Well, he could be your dollar coin and you could call him Al. I stand by, I think he should be on a wooden coin. I don't even know what you're talking about. Al's on a coin. There's like a token. Pagino on cedar wood. It's like a wooden token. Wooden token.

Isn't that a thing that you can buy at places? It's not a coin. It's a piece of wood that's been rounded. Moving on to Al Green. What about Wayne Coin? What about Al Green on green, Vax? You don't like Wayne Coin? No.

Is he cancelled? He's coin sold. He's coin sold. Wayne was coin sold. As in he's not allowed on coins anymore, but he's fine. He didn't do anything that wrong. Al Green on a token. No.

Okay. Marika says no. I'm so tired of being on coins. I'm so tired of being on coins. He doesn't even want to be on the coin. Fine. What about Al Roker on a Roken? I would put on a Roku. I would I would put him on a hamburger bun brand,

but that's like the most coin ish thing. I would put Roker on a hamburger. What do you mean? The most the closest he'll ever get to a coin is a hamburger bun brand in his image. So far away from being a coin to be. And would you put him on the hamburger bun? I would not. So he was not going to, nothing's going to change with Al.

Nothing's gonna change with Al. What about Al Horford? Who? Al Horford! Imagine if he's at the C word right there. You guts? I don't know what it is. He's a Boston Celtic.

So I would say no. And then I say yes. You say yes because he's a Celtic? Oh, boy. I hate Boston Celtic. So I would say no. Oh. And then I say yes. You say yes because he's a Celtic? Oh boy. I hate the Celtics. Um, not... I'm going to say no to Al because he's not in Atlanta anymore. He is a good looking guy. He's hot but bald.

Yes. There's nothing wrong with that. His beautiful eyes. I would say there's something wrong with being bald. I did it a bit. Jude Law's balding in a way that I don't find unattractive though. Is there something wrong with being bald? I did it a bit. Jude Law's balding in a way that I don't find unattractive, though. I think he's looking good. Oh, really? I think it's cool that he's leaning. He's like, he doesn't care.

He's so beautiful. He doesn't care. Sure. I saw him in Hamlet once as Hamlet. As an ocean. He was at the theater. He was at the theater. He was at the theater, watching with me. Michael Kors was there. Speaking of Michael Kors, what about David Eigenberg?

Who's that? Steve from Sex and the City. Miranda? Okay. He has a lisp, so he does have a very specific way of speaking, but it doesn't sound like that. Really? I've barely seen Sex and the City. Do we put his ass on a coin or is he fine?

Yeah, sure. Noin. That's cool. Coin or noin? What about Eigenberg's loins on a coin? Yeah, you should have said noin. Why isn't that the name of the segment? That's so you.

Seal. Seal on a coin? That's so you. So you'll seal on a point. No. What about a wax seal with seal? Mm hmm. That's the closest he should get to being a coin. OK, that's a good answer. What about Jerome Griffith? Don't know what that is. He's the CEO of Brown Jordan. His name's Jerome. That's so close to your name. Not really.

It's spelled G-E-O-R-O-N-E. You gotta assume. Jerome. Let's put him on a coin then. All right. We do have to move on. Uh... Uh... All right, welcome to Coins for Groins. This is a swimming themed episode.

This is a game of loins, right? So each of you is going to use a celebrity generator that I am sending to the chat right now, right? And what you're gonna do is you're gonna set that option to only generate one celebrity each time. And then you're going to give a random, it's gonna give you a random famous person and you will then ascribe a number value

in how many coins you would pay for a night in bed with them. Then based off the value in coins, we have 20 guesses as a group, the three of us, to figure out who that celebrity is. So you have to pull it up separate. So if it was like fucking Catherine Han, for me, I would say like a million dollars in coins. And we're supposed to then guess who it is based on you saying a million dollars in coins. Correct.

So it'll be like, ooh, Catherine Hahn. Correct. You would have gotten it. That feels winnable. This is fun. Thank you. Yeah. It's 20 questions.

It's kind of like a play on 20 questions slash wavelengths slash coins for groins. Yeah. Okay. And if we don't know the celebrity, can we generate until we know who they are? No. You may not. So it's going to be harder for everyone. Yeah. Okay. And if we don't know the celebrity, can we generate until we know who they are? No. You may not. So it's going to be harder for everyone.

Let's start with Marika. How is he going to know? Do whatever you want, Marika. He's going to know. Oh, God. Wait, hold on. I'm starting with Marika. Do we have to do... are we picking celebrity type or no?

How do you always manage to make a game harder than it needs to be? Because I like to ask questions that you set up. Yeah, I want to understand. Fine. Whatever you what did you ask? I asked about celebrity type, but I'm picking actor. You don't have to choose a select. I already I already did. And I have my celebrity.

And my answer is going to be. This is how much I'm paying. How much would you pay in coins to lay with them? What? I'm thinking. No, I'm just like chuckling to herself because she's like, oh, sorry, I'm having fun. I haven't picked one yet. I'm trying to support you and your ideas, Jeff.

I guess the thing that I'm stuck on is like, I don't know what the number says. Like, is a low number, does a low number mean I'm really excited about the opportunity? Or is a high number? Oh, that's interesting. That's actually really interesting, because if it's a dime, it's like you wouldn't. Like, obviously, I'm going to do it, right? No, because I think higher numbers, you're desperate to have sex with them.

OK, and no point. You have unlimited access to coins. Yeah, I think of it as an auction. What are you max bidding? OK, got it. The MaxBid is helpful. I guess I'll go ten dollars in coins.

Is it a male actor? Is it a male actor? We have 20 questions, by the way. Is it a male actor? Is it a male actor? OK, is it a male actor between We have 20 questions by the way. Is it a male actor? Is it a male actor? Okay, is it a male actor between the two? Would you shut up Amir? Would you shut up?

Anya and I haven't been on the word in edgewise since you started asking questions What can I say, is it between 20 and 30 or 12? 20 and 30? Don't. Don't. I'm sorry. I don't want you to start to like slide out of the frame and be small. You screamed at me. I didn't mean to.

You told me to shut up. Be small. I didn't mean to tell you to shut up. I didn't mean to make your shoulders, you can like relax your shoulders. We got to narrow down the age. Otherwise this game is going to take forever. We got to narrow down the age, otherwise this game is going to take forever. I just I am sorry to you, because I don't want you to feel like this isn't safe.

I'm a safe person. I really am a safe person. What is not really 30 and 50 years old? Numbers crunch, which means that he's probably on the older side, because I feel like Marieke can't really scan for age when I pass a certain point Is he older than 50? Obviously is older than 50. I said 20 to 30 and she said no 50 she looked it up and she said no and then you're like

No, he's under 20. That's why she fucking looked it up. I have a guess wasted question wasted question Is it a male actor I have to ask again as long as we're fucking throwing questions away Yeah, I feel like a freaking cartoon He's honest at 50 John Turow Now don't start guessing names already. It's over. The bold choice to guess names. Does he own any tequila brands?

Oh, don't have to. I doubt it. You doubt it. White. Yes. Is he was he in a movie that did well last year? Oh, oh, I don't. I don't think I've seen him recently. Oh, no, he is checking.

Are you in movies? Well, he's an actor. I guess it could be TV. Does his name start with a G? No. Is he American? No. Um, wow. Oh, Is he American? No. Wow. Is he British? Not British.

Not British and not American. We're not going to guess this is Canadian. They have more than that? They make more? Is he Australian? Not Canadian. Does he have an accent? Does he have an accent?

If he's not Western, we're not going to know. And frankly, they don't want to know. He has an accent. No. He's not from South Africa? Maybe he's like Europe. French? Is he from Europe?

Europe? No. Is he from the United States? No. Is he from the United States? No. Yeah, if he's not Western we're gonna know and frankly South Africa accent. No, he's not Maybe he's like Europe French. Is he from Europe? Yeah It's Antonio Banderas no fucker it's not like Is he friends he is no white he's Italian no, is he Spanish? No. Is he Spanish? No. Is he Russian? No.

Belgian? Is he German? You're never... I would... Yeah. German is fine. He's Austrian. Austrian slash German.

Is it Arnold Schwarzenegger? No. He's way over 50. This guy's too big. This guy is 50. He's over 50. He's over 50. Is it Mads Mikkelsen?

No. She would pay a lot. I pay a lot more. You mad. Any more guesses do we have? I don't know. Haven't been keeping track. I think you can get it. You can get it.

A German ish actor ish who's 50 ish. Willem Dafoe over. He's American. If I was American, I know he's way over. He is. He also this guy way over 50. He is. Also, this guy is over 50. So is Willem. Is he an action star, a movie star?

Yeah, he's been in action movies. Oh, is it a fucking German buck? Austrian actually. It's Austrian and it's not Schwarzenegger. There's no way. That's the only one I know. Austrian German actor. Is he hot?

And you said Mads Mikkelsen. I don't fucking... He's hot. He's hot but he only paid $10. Three more questions. He's too old. Is he bald? He's not that old. Is he bald?

No. You're gonna kick yourself. Two more, we don't know. We don't fucking know. Who's gonna kick themselves the most? All of you, I think. Maybe you, Anya. He's like one of my guys?

I don't, no, I don't think so. I just, you'll know who it is. Yeah, like it could be like, it's not, but it could be like Sean Claude Van Damme. At their phone. That's not. Yeah. He had a crazy tweet.

One more. He's Austrian. Think of like German names. Is it Michael Fassbender? Is he German? No, he is German. All right, who is it? That was 20.

Christoph Waltz. Oh, that's not him. Oh, yeah. I wouldn't give. Perfumer. His head. I wouldn't even give Ted. He's a handsome guy. Oh wow.

All right. Anya? Anya and Amir? Anya and Amir? Or you guys can... Well, I thought that you were going to use it on the computer that you're on. Well, I sent it to his phone. I looked one up.

I looked one up. Okay, Amir, what do you got? $1,000 of coins. Okay. Is this person? No, just guess names immediately. Is it an actress? Yes. Is she in her 40s? Yes. Is it Catherine Hahn?

She's in her 40s. Yes. Is she white? Mm hmm. Yes,... So she's Italian. Tan. Tan. I can't think about it, but correct. Tan-ish. But not Latin.

Penelope Cruz. Penelope Cruz-ish, but not Penelope Cruz. Who's married to Ryan Gosling? Is it Eva? Eva Mendes. No, not Eva Mendes. Let me see if she was born in America. Who's the one who was on The Spirit House?

Who's the one who was on The Spirit House? I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don Mendes. Let me see if she was born in America. Who's the one who was on Support Housewives?

Thank you, Marika. Eva Longoria. Uh, no. She's younger than Eva Longoria. Okay, so it's Eva Longoria, Eva Mendes, Salma Hayek. Born abroad and then raised in LA. How old is she, did we say? Is she Latina? She's not Latina.

Oh, she's just tan, literally just. Oh, Mila Kunis. Yes. Whoa. She's not tan, she's Russian. Yeah, but. I'm so tired of being on. For that. I'm so tired. She's Russian. Woo! Yeah, but... You could give her a million coins for that? Oh, she's Ukrainian.

From Ukraine. She's Ukrainian, yeah. So you would give her a million coins even though she... A thousand. A thousand dollars in coins. Even though she wrote a letter in support of What's His Name? I think so. That's why I didn't want to go that much higher, but this is strictly a physical transaction.

And so I was able to sort of distance the art from the artist. Yeah. Who she supported. All right, Anya, come on. I'm gonna do another, another round. Some of these people have never heard of it. A movie and another round? Great movie.

Didn't like it. You don giving people have never heard of Wow I've got one. I've got one. I've got okay. I've got mine fine, but nothing to do with the movie the movie was stupid Okay, what if we get drunk all day? 50 points 50 dollars in coins 50 coins so 50 $50 in coins. 50 coins. So 50... As low as 50...

You have to go a dollar amount, but in coins. Is it an athlete? No. Is he an actor? No. Is... How many dollars in coins? Is it 50 cents? $50 in silver dollar coins.

Alright. Jesus. Is the actor over 45 years old? Yes. Oh, really quick. It's a male actor? Yes. An American actor? Yes years old? Yes. Oh, really quick. It's a male actor? Yes. An American actor? Yes. White?

Yes. Oh. An action star? You stole my question. Has been in action movies. But mostly known for comedies? No. Mostly known for drama?

Bradley Cooper? No. Is he an A-lister? Yes. Oh, an A-lister? Yes. Who is he? Brad Pitt. No. You would do a lot more for Brad Pitt. Ben Stiller.

No. He was hot and now he's not? Now he's interesting. And I'm giving 50 coins for the story. Christian Slater? No. I would give zero coins. For Pratt or Slater?

And also the wrong age group, no. Was he in a famous movie in the 80s? Yes. Tom Cruise. No. Is he younger than Tom Cruise? I don't know. Maybe. I don't know. Has he been in a Wes Anderson? Wow. I can't get a word in edgewise on my own show. Has he been in Wes Anderson? I don't think so. Okay. I don't think so. Was he a heartthrob in the 80s? To some. Rob Lowe. No. Jeff Goldblum.

No. Would give way more than a hundred, like a million coins for that one. Even today. That's a good story. Yeah. Yeah. Goldblum. And a good...

Is he a comedian? No. Is he married to someone famous? No. Has he ever hosted SNL? Probably. Probably, but I don't know. A-list movie star from the 80s may have hosted SNL.

Is it Tom Hanks? No. Bruce Willis? No. Does he have hair? Yes. He does have hair. Still?

Still. Gray hair? Fucking... He colors it. For sure. Mel, it's good What are you talking about? What? Is it Mel Gibson? No, why would it not be Mel Gibson? What do you mean? Why wouldn't it not be well? Gibson he colors his hair. He has a drop in the 80s and you would give a story. I would give it Yeah, oh you would love Mel Gibson. No, and I'm sorry for his house

Yeah. Oh, you would love Mel Gibson. No. And I'm sorry for his house. Why? That's not a yes or no question. Feels like you guys have asked a question. But you haven't really. George Clooney, I said. You haven't zeroed in. Owen Wilson. No. Luke Wilson. He's a ton of Wilson.

A heartthrob ish. He's not really a heartthrob. But an A-list star. A-list star. I don't fucking know. It could be anybody. Are they alive? Alive. Is he thin? Yeah.

American. Do you guys want a hint? Adrian Brody. Yeah. Kind of a, not that thin, kind of a... Nepo family situation. I said Ben Stiller. Oh.

Oh. Nice. Nicholas Cage. Pretty interesting. My answer's really good. Oh, nice. Nicholas Cage. Pretty interesting. My answer's good. I got one. I have to leave in two minutes. So let's see.

Yeah. Okay. Speed round. Plugs. Okay. Let's start with plugs. Yeah, what are your plugs? What are your plugs?

We're doing plugs? Go! I couldn't hear. Why am I doing plugs? Why is- Because you're meant to leave! I couldn't hear! Why am I doing plugs? Why is Anji telling me- Because you're meant to leave! That doesn't matter. Sometimes you just stop the recording before anyone does plugs.

And this is how we're spending the last minute and a half. Do your thing. Fine. I would probably, honestly, $5,000 in coins. Wow, that's a lot. Actor? Musician. Musician.

Host. Host? Kelly Clarkson. Yeah. Is it? Logs! What do you got? Okay. Please follow me on TikTok.

All right. We're back at least for 74 more days. At I'm Jeffrey James, at Jeffrey James on Instagram. I'm posting a comedy sketch a week to try and get famous. So help me out on that. Tell your friends, send them to people. Engage with it, please. For the love of God, I need to get rich. Oh

I want to say thanks to all the head gum podcast listeners that donated to my Venmo to give money to Victims of the wildfires. I have spent over half of it and I still have half to spend Well, technically you're victims. You can probably keep the other half for about that But I'm not going to but it was really cool and nice and a lot of people donated a lot of money and it was awesome. And you guys are very cool. Thank you. Namaste. What about Headgun Podcast host who donated?

Not plural. Actually, you guys did donate and I was like, this isn't for you. Like, we're all impacted by this. But it was really nice. Everyone's being really nice. And Jon is also. I was impacted, but I wasn't super impacted. I know. I know. And that's why it feels good to do something you're going to give back. Anyways, wrap it up.

Ed, you show. Thank you. Shout out to Sweetgreen. I might get a bowl after this. That's cool. It's always nice to start the week often with a healthy-ish foot. Amir on all platforms, Radio Freonio. We love you.

Peace. Marie Gaylon, but just stay off the internet for your own mental health, I think, for a while. That's a good idea. Or leave in, baby. Don't stay off the internet. Follow me for laughs. Follow Jeff for laughs, but take care of yourselves. The new Montreal comedy.

Jeff for laughs is really good. And we'll talk about that later. Live in Montreal. That was a Hidgum Original. Hi guys, I'm Ago Wodem. Check out my new show, Thanks Dad, now on Headgum. I was raised by a single mom and I don't have a relationship with my dad and, spoiler, I don't think I'm ever going to have one with him's he's dead but but I promise you that's okay because on my new podcast I sit down with father figures like Bill Burr, Kenan Thompson, Adam Pally, Hassan Minaj,

Tim Meadows, Andy Cohen and many many more I get to ask them the questions I've always wanted to ask a dad like how do I know if the guy I'm dating is the one or how can I change the oil in my car? Can you even show me that? Or better yet, can you help me perfect my jump shot? I am so bad at basketball. Oh my gosh. Maybe I'm bad at basketball because I don't have a dad, but subscribe to Thanks Dad on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, Pocket Casts, or wherever you get your podcasts. New episodes drop every Monday.