The Headgum Podcast - 241: Rice is a River

Episode Date: February 7, 2025

241: While Casey works, Amir, Will, and Marika join Geoff to discuss the studio lighting, Will’s Bills, and play a brand new segment: The Masked Zinger. PLUS, Geoff performs a Grammy-adjacent rice song!» FOLLOW Geoff on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/geoffreyjames/» FOLLOW Amir on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/amir/» FOLLOW Marika on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/marikaelon/» FOLLOW Will on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/willconover/Advertise on The Headgum Podcast via Gumball.fmRate The Headgum Podcast 5-stars on Apple PodcastsRate The Headgum Podcast 5-stars on SpotifyJoin the Headgum DiscordSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a head gum original. Previously on the head gum podcast. It's that time of the year again, guys. Uh, it's New Year's. The turning of the tides, the changing of the season. Uh, 2023 is nigh. Uh, and very, I don't know, fucking 24 hours away, 48 hours away, 47 actually, Pacific time. I think it's important that we reflect, that we project, and that we expect success

for the next year, right? So Brad, you were hired this year at Headgum. It's been a joy to work with you and very far away from you at the company. Both have been true and both have been good. Fuck you, man. It's an LA. We are as back as the show has ever been in the studio, in the room, not on Zoom. Well also on Zoom. That's yeah, partially true. Because of Marika.

Because you're trying to take the wind out of my sails. Right? I'm trying to be excited about the fact that we're back in the studio. This is my first studio app in LA. Really? And there we go, right? Now we're starting to cook with gas. Now we're being honest.

I wouldn't have guessed that. Yeah. Casey, sorry, can you? Is there like a liability waiver that needs to be signed? This is ridiculous. There's not. By the way, the only time we're allowed to have studio time is when Casey's replacing the lights.

Now you said specifically you wanted to record during this. As a way of, you know, maybe make it a little bit more interesting. Yeah, funny visual. The hell was that? The lights don't need to be changed. We're trying to create the veil, not pierce the bitch. Funny visual the hell was that the lights don't need to be Here's the bitch I Feel like we're already past the veil meaning the radical transparency is what our

YouTube commenters ultimately your face Nice actually really good or maybe the reformer Pilates Let's hear from now. This green is just gonna be Casey On the ladder in a second So the my question is what was wrong with a light slash needs to be adjusted, but that's a Casey question And he's not on microphone Well, you can ask Casey and Casey can translate through will so basically anything oh here we go

well I could just talk to the mic yeah we're changing the lights coming up with a new lighting motif for 2025 both studios or just this one just this one that we were having some technical difficulties with some of the lights, so we're just doing our full Reboot lighting reboot yeah, and today was a day for me to do it and And now Jeff wanted to record while I do it How would you describe the light how it used to be and what are you going for now? We were at a cooler daylight temperature. Yeah, you probably noticed that this is a much warmer yellower

Yellow world the light is but you then set the color temperature on the cameras to be cool toned again So it looks the same almost if anything you look pink and like you have periodontic rosy Change the settings on the camera because I'm not I'm not done yet. You don't want the big ring Yeah, yeah, really a work in front of work in progress as you work as I work I can't help but feel like the whole thing is distracting to the outline that I have What was your is your outline about Casey's working? Well? I have a question Casey So I see this like kind of round light right here. You can't see it on the cameras obviously. Yeah, but I mean you're a filmmaker Have you ever used what they call in lighting a China ball? Excuse me a China ball

They don't call it that they still called it that at the USC film school ten years ago We're offensive now I was gonna just say if you didn't want to call it by the potentially nominally offensive name, call it a Casey ball. I'm gonna get back to work. I get that, yeah. Give it up for Casey Donahue. Yay, Casey.

Yes. ["Bond of the Week Theme Song"] Bond of the Week, my Bond of the Week this week is Emeril Lagasse, because then his catchphrase could be Bond! Bam, Bond, yeah. What's that? Is the Emeril Lagasse, he's not cancelled. I'm thinking of Mario Batali. That's Mario Batali, he's a sexual predator apparently. Not Italy, they're no longer working together. Italy and Batali do not do business anymore.

Yeah. Interesting. Very generous package, exit package. A golden parachute for Batali. In a way, yeah. He got paid in Ragoo, I heard. I heard that he got paid in Cragoo. What's that? That's cranberry ragoo.

Crab, Rangoon, Ragoo. In the afternoon. Marika, are you loving this? Or, there we go, now she's chiming in wasn't cragoo one of the snacks Actually, it was one of the snacks. Yeah, what was that? What do you mean? What was that was it like ragu ragu on a sea doily was that no? Uh, I thought it was cranberry ragu, but it might have been crazy ragu. Yeah No, well you you were there.

What are you referencing, those snacks? There was something about a doily for sure. Will, you've never seen snacks, the like, Hedgum sketch series? Wow. No. Well, I think- Bread and butter?

Anyone else have a Bond of the Week, or are you guys gonna continually sleet let this distraction get the better of you comedically? This is a comedy show after all Vince Vaughn why is that he was at the inauguration? So he's in the site guys You think now's a good time for him because people are talking about him. Yes He's got the universal appeal the left loves him from swingers and the right doesn't Love them from me for made or for being at the inauguration a little bit of column a little bit of column made No, and Theo Vaughn was he a plus one Vincent Theo

Was Vince's plus Vaughn You gotta get back on Twitter man, that's perfect. Are people still on Twitter? I feel like it was terrible when I was on. I'm on X. X, everything out. I regret it. I do regret it because I had like fucking 12,000 followers on the shit. And now I don't want to build back that following. If I'm gonna build back better, I want it to be on Blue Sky. Yeah. Yeah, you gotta go to blue sky

Marika do you have a bond of the week or are you gonna kind of skate bond this whole week? No, you're fine My bond the week is gonna be the monkey version of What's this face Robbie Williams? Oh, yeah. Did you see that movie? No And I heard it was pretty good DJ DJ. Like it's an insane premise, but it was like actually entertaining. I heard it was a little bit too. Makes me wanna stop. DJ.

Yeah. I heard that the casting kinda leaned a little too far into the whole DEI of it all in that film. Is that why they got the monkey? Because it's a monkey. Oh my god. That's not. First Casey corners me into saying China ball, Is that why they got the monkey? Because it's a monkey. Oh my God. First, Casey corners me into saying China Ball, then you guys insinuate.

No, I haven't even I don't even know what movie you're talking about, to be honest. What's it called? The movie Better Man. Better Man? British. It's a Robbie Williams biopic, but instead of Robbie Williams, it's a chimpanzee. Yeah, he's being portrayed as a CGI monkey the entire time. And I just don't care. Like my entire

feed of on the Internet has gone from like people making people in America being like, we don't know who this man is and we don't care, which is the camp I fall under. And then people in the UK being like Americans don't know who Robbie Williams is. This is crazy. And it's like, okay. And then now after everyone has seen the movie, they're all defending it so hard. They're like, hey, actually, this movie's really great. And all I see on my feed all the time is better man propaganda.

And I don't care and I don't care if it's a good movie because I don't want to watch it but I don't watch a monkey be sad I feel like Mary said takes this whole bond of the week segment as an opportunity to just like brag that she saw movies which I I don't, did, Marika, did you see Better Man? No, I've said multiple times I haven't seen it and I won't see it. Talking about Zeitgeist. I've only seen the rap DJ sequence on Twitter

every single time I open that. DJ. What is this? The music is bad. I don't believe it's a good musical. Why are you having him on the show when he does shit like what he just did? He just was like like bottom of the week

Amelia Perez Why the titular might spark? Though it's not a person well a person that I don't know any of these I don't know any of these movies, and I really should stop talking about them because I keep saying stuff That's borderline cancelable You've seen the brutal is twice I feel like that's an interesting one for Those were my hours to see a move to see movies right there's one four hours long Yes, eight hours eight and a half really if you include the intermission you've locked up. That's it I'm not gonna see anymore after they said that it was made with AI the whole thing from top to bottom only the accents

I thought yeah, there was more that came out. You know accent a goo like on like yeah This is accent cragu meaning meaning like it's an accident you say cragu with an accent But then they like in AI turn it into Hungarian Interesting I like that Casey just cuz you're not officially on the episode, if you could not make sounds like coughs, that'd be great. Thank you so much. He's making much louder sounds.

Sounds like coughs. If you... So I... There's no way it was real. I was looking... Trying to find the actual line in the snacks video that said Kragu, and I looked up on Google, Kragu snacks, because I was distracted. What comes up is dried little mini crabs

that you can eat, which I've had before. That's disgusting. Crunchy. No. It's like a, it's a little snack. They're shell and all. Disgusting. Luka Guadagnino's finest film.

It's, especially because Marika's audio's a little too soft. She's just like, all I heard, because I'm not seeing her, was a voiceless, a faceless voice. Ignoring what I say. It's a little snap. Shell and all. Shell and all.

I mean, Marika, you can feel free to turn your input volume up on the zoom there's nothing else I can do from this room so Anyone else will do you want to do bottom of the week or do I did it Amelia Perez? I mean where is the mirror what he got he did it? I did Vince Vaughn Vince Vaughn because it was better than I think it was the CJ We we do have to move already done. Yeah here. we go. Word of the day, word of the week. Word of the why, word of the way, word of the day.

Will, have you heard about the evolution of word of the week? All I know... No. You don't listen to the show? Don't confront people about that kind of stuff. It does change very frequently. So I would have to be really caught up, right, to know what's changed about it. Well, a couple weeks ago,

last time I... You heard any episodes from 2025, you'd be caught up. I was in an episode, I think, probably two or three weeks ago, and it didn't come up one time. Word of the day, basically, this year is me coining phrases. It did come up, okay. So the word of the week this this day is is trotch

TRO CH and I wish it was that it's TR a c t ch Trash yeah So because you wouldn't say watch I'm missing the straw. No, trotch is basically to try to watch. Right? So, like, let's say you saw somebody on New Year's Eve and they're like, have you seen, you know, Blank Show? And you're like, no. And they're like, you have to watch it. You would love it. And you're like, all right, fine, maybe I'll give it a shot.

And then six weeks later, you run into them on the street and they're like, did you see that show and you're like, ah, no, but I trotched Not even like trotched it just detrotched Tried to what yeah, you still have to say the it part. Yeah, but I feel like just I Feel like I don't want you guys to tell me how to use it. I tried I tried to watch okay Yeah, it was just asking is there anything you trotched recently People don't tend to think of me with regards to suggest Yeah, so no one yeah Well, no it's that they don't want to like have a conversation with me at all

Adnausea because they know it will turn into an ad hoc experience Interesting so guys by the way if you could start using this shit in everyday speak that'd be interesting to me because So you tried to watch how do you fail to watch it's such an easy thing to do is to just see something. No, it's more like, oh, I meant to. I had the intention to check out this. That's meant to watch. You called it tranched, which is tried to watch. Okay.

I put it on, but my eyes hurt. Sure. I had stream fatigue of it. Yeah. Have your eyes been extra bad in the fiery dryness? I haven't really been going outside. How have you guys been treating the whole post fire thing? I did see a comment from one China Donna you on TikTok

of a meteorologist talking about the air quality and my guy Casey was like, well, how do we know when it's safe? And I liked your comment Yeah, did he respond? It was off-putting to you that you left a comment. What'd they say? When I saw it they hadn't responded What'd they say?

Yeah, I didn't need to comment No shit dumbass. I'm asking you for a specific date I'm saying glass will park to eat in Canyon am I say K and 95 burger Marika? What? Chime in! Right? I found that- I know there's no fires near you, but participate in the dialogue or get lost in the sauce. Well, speaking of sauce,

I found the line about the Kragu in the sketch. It's in the Aeoli sketch. Very interesting. And you say, we're sea oily. That's Kragu on a bad doily. And do I ask what cragu is? No, never. So there we go.

It's cranberry ragu on a soil doily. Yeah, I'm going to go to the bottom of it. We got to make another snacks vid. This is the a-oli vid, by the way, not even snacks. Casey, this could you put some headphones on I'm gonna need you to You can't really see Casey, but he is on the ladder over here kind of yeah I need you to put these headphones on because this video really made me think of you I Need to share the fuck all right. I got headphones on okay

Need to share the fuck all right. I got headphones on okay Well you know what marika. I'm sorry, but you're gonna. Just have to miss out on that video this one Let's maybe think of you Casey After a few too many the cops became my chauffeurs If you think the good Lord's taking everything from you it's what you do to feel something That was it that's it yeah, just kind of made me think to you why 14,000 likes Seven and seven the way it was shot the way it was shot. The way it was shot? Yeah, well, you know, you're a director.

I feel like that's like, I thought the framing was pretty good. It was just his uncle holding an iPhone next to him. There's a guy leaning on a wall and it's his whole body and it's like just someone's holding an iPhone and pointing it at him. And the lyrics.

And the lyrics? And the lyrics I said, yeah. I do cocaine to get over my hangover that work I've never done cocaine so you're dehydrated and now you're on fucking basically all right bringing it us into thank you so much Casey you're free to to roam. Bringing it back over to Will's Bills. Alright, we've done Marika's coins, we've done Joel's goals. This is Will's Bills. Alright, a quantitative segment.

What's that? We've never done my coins. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha How much money do you think I have? It's like the inverse of the Wizard of Oz. Well, how's that? It's like there is no curtain. It's obvious. We've never done my coins, and I can't see her. It's very funny to me. Will, no, it's not how many dollar bills you have. You didn't even let me explain the fucking segment. I did think it was my segment.

I do want to guess, though. It's not yours to create, it's yours to answer. I think I can give you like this. I think you have $54. Okay, guys. I'll go under. Guys, you're really misunderstanding this segment. It's actually... What if it's exactly 54?

Isn't that more exciting than anything? You get the money in the wallet. It's not about how many dollar bills you have in your fold. Any guess? In your folio. In your bifold? It's about how many monthly charges you have for utilities. Okay.

Rocket Money style. Yes. Oh, is this sponsored? More SponCon. I'm giving all these opportunities to brands. And guess who's not closing the deals? Micah. Well, you really skated by that.

Yeah, I was worried. This is your account? No, Rocket Money's Angie, I'm pretty sure. Oh, so it's by brand. It's not by show It's by brand G. That's really good. That's Brad and Angie tag teaming this account on the head come Angie a brand that we work with Angie's yeah like Angie's Angie's list yeah, it's basically like Angie It's Craig's list the see the thing is campaign Am I peeking?

Have I been peeking this whole time to you guys? Probably, yeah. Oh, fucking no. Interesting. Very interesting, actually. Oh, we lost Marika. Marika. What the hell just happened?

Marika, can we hear you? Can you? Oh. You went away visually, but you're still here in our hearts. Classic. Slash ears. Well, who knows what happened? Who knows? You went away visually, but you're still here in our hearts slash ears Well, who knew? Who knows who knows what if I came back on a good time really?

It's a good time to take a break when you ridicule me on my own fucking We'll come back with wills bills Yeah, they're not tuning out laughter laughter and we are back and we are back laughter

welcome to the Mask Zinger Mask Zinger Mask Zinger. Who are ya? Who's that behind the mask? You're right, Will, you said this in the break, that this is very similar to a segment called Mystery Guest on segments, but this is the Headgum Podcast's sort of banal twist on the shit. Basically, you've seen the Masked Zinger.

Yep. This is the masked zinger all right stops for zingers nope this is a somebody who you guys probably know they are on zoom with their camera off microphone on voice disguised and they will proceed masked zinger to zing you guys with a couple of choice roasts. And you have a chance to guess after you are roasted, you have a chance to guess. Now, just to clarify, is it a choice roast?

What's that? Or a Roy's choice? Because I can see it going one of two ways. It's a Roy choice roast. Oh, it's a Royce chose because I can see it going one of two ways Marie good year. I said the same thing as you at the same time. I didn't Alright, that's zinger is your voice disguised No, oh, okay. So hell was that it said yes, but then I believe the master zinger said no I know I said no I said no okay, that's me Okay, you're yeah, we didn't we can barely oh my

Singer Marika just said she hates this segment, so why don't you start with her? Zing number one. Your thing ending out with Marika is fun. Just wait till I dry it. Masked Zinger, can you start over and can you turn your zoom background noise removal off? Oh shit, yes. Crap. How do you get to the settings from here? Where is it?

I think I got mustard on my eyesight. Okay ready? Masked Zinger? Hold on. I've been watching her in the mine background. Batman getting Zoom fatigued. How do you make me the host? I need to download.

Jeff, did you just start singing the Hilary Duff song? No, it was Dancing Queen or some shit mask zinger It's a little better not really Maybe turn your input volume up now. We can hear we can hear the fucking singer Don't know what else to do. It's fine Okay good It's fine. That's fine. That's good. That's good. That's good. Okay, good. Okay, hold on. Okay or hold on? He said okay like you're ready.

He said hold on like you're not ready. This is the worst episode ever. Casey's setting up the lights, Masked Zinger. Are they gonna zing Casey too? No, no, no, no. Okay, Marika. Zing Marika at your leisure, Masked Zinger. One at a time. Here we go. First zing.

If you think hanging out with Marika is fun, just wait till you dry hanging out with cardboard. Oh. This is like Scream 6. All right, Marika, what's your guess? Who do you think this is? I'm gonna go AJ to start. That is incorrect.

That's a good guess. Former guest of the show and friend to start. That is incorrect. That's a good guess. Former guest of the show and friend to Jeffrey. I'm leaning Victor Oladipo, but I'm curious to hear my zing. All right, you can move on to Will's first zing, masked zinger. Will Khan overlooks like if the Quaker Oats guy was run through a paper shredder. Whoa.

It's hard to focus on the guess when the zing is so brutal. It's hard to focus on you when the ladder is so foregrounded. Okay, so double zing. That was a clue. Skate focus on you when the ladder is so foregrounded All right, who's your guess who's your guess uh is it Johnny Johnny V Johnny via that is incorrect Amir's first zing here we go and you turn this on I? Hope it's about my age You voted in your first u.s. Election who do you vote for?

Rutherford P Hayes or Samuel J. Tilton The fuck's that supposed to me oh come on like I was alive in 1884 I hope it's about your age Like that I was 40 not that I was 192 It's all the same Also 40s younger than you are this one's a long shot, but I'll go Riley Incorrect all right back to Marika's second zing, Masked Zinger. The EPA predicts that the average global temperatures will rise by almost three degrees by 2050, which is also the year Marika plans to finish her next sentence. Don't say that's pretty good. What? You left that.

Sam Tilden, you can stop cracking up. I don't even know who that is. Casey, you're not hearing these zingers, but they're pretty good. So you wrote them? What's that? Can I guess? Pretty good guess. Brad.

Oh, that's a really good guess. Wrong. All right, Will's next zinger masked. Very good guess Brad It's a really good guess Zinger masked Okay, I'm a shkold they wanted to know if you're coming back to the village or not Should I repeat it? Repeat it say that again Breaking on this called they wanted to know if you're coming back to the village or not breaking Amish call They want to know if I'm coming back to the village

Joel is a Joel's a really bad guess Is it a headgum employee there's no hints and also I don't think that would even help Alright Narrow down from 8 billion to 20 Kind of helpful yeah alright back to a mirror max singer All right back to a mirror max singer Amir Do you remember what it was like when you took your first steps? Or are you so old that you can't remember? I mean that has nothing to do with age

Amir enough with the defensiveness. Yeah I'm not gonna step We're enough with the defensiveness. Yeah Who could it be who just sounds like that it's a lot of a nun see age. Yeah, very clear Are you too old to remember? Who could it be Killing it you guys have any other guess It's it's only guests, so let's just...

Let's have a guess. Micah? Back to Marika's last zinger, Masked Zinger. You're about to win the game. If the Masked Zinger goes without being guessed, they win. And they don't even reveal themselves. Until next time. Do I win?

Not yet. You have to go through the last round. The Masked Singer is very eager. Yeah. It hurts your throat to talk like that. Yeah. Which do you think will get first? Artificial generalized intelligence or Marika getting a good night's sleep. So true.

AGI. Um. Who knows about your sleep? Just guess. This is hard. No, it's not if it's really hard you can pass They also they do give hints on the masked singer right and these are yeah, these are sort of All right, you want to if you want a hint yeah, they work at head gum If you want to hint, yeah, they work at Headgum. Oh my god, you admitted it.

You called it. That's good because my guess was not going to be a Headgum employee. Is it Ali? Oh! Alright, bringing it over to Will's last zinger mask. Con. Con is a goner. It's not even a zinger mask on con is a goner even a zinger it's just will's personal email would Gmail do? Do your thing.

Yeah. You want the fucking app to dox him? Yeah. And you think this is live? Is there? Gmail do your thing. Is there another hint possibility or is that the only hint we're getting?

That's a pretty good hint. Like you said, there's only 20, you've already guessed like 15 of them. Who's left? I'm gonna say it is, it's not Casey. Yeah, Casey's in the last. Unless. Oh my god, he's wearing a microphone. He has a laugh. That would be amazing. Turns around. No way. R-ish. I'll guess, is it Emma Foley? Correct! Yay! Wow! Unmasked Masked Singer! Wow!

How did you do that voice? Same, that went so well. Did you use your- Hi guys! Did you do your real voice or did you use like a digital? How's your throat? Yeah, how's your throat? It hurts, but I'm sick, so it already hurt.

Wait, let's see you do the voice, because I'm so impressed that that was coming out of you. Okay, should I do another zinger? Yeah, do the last one. There's only one left. The last Amir? Amir, all jokes aside, I wanted to get you a present for your birthday and for being such a great sport. Pick out any walker you like and I'll reimburse. Did you know you can do that voice? Like that? Did Jeff know you could do it?

I did not. No. When Jeff asked me to do this last night, he said, I'm going to put your voice through like a filter. And then one minute later, he said, actually, that seems really hard. I don't know how to do that. Can you just talk in a voice? That is, it's really hard to disguise your voice

to the point where you can't even sound like you a little bit. Yeah. I also, I thought it was going through a filter. Wow. That's a very secret talent. It's a good skill. Yeah. Thanks, everyone.

Did it come out, did you write the zingers, Masked Zinger, or was this pre-recorded, pre-written content? Pre-written. I hadn't even seen them until I logged on. Because they were so hurtful. If it came out the demo. How did you know my Gmail?

It's in the column. See, I could clearly tell they were Jeff. Yeah. Yeah. Which one gave it away, Marika? Wait, now let me guess, let me guess. What? She's right there.

Anya? You're an E. You're an E. Well, Emma, thank you so much. If you wanna stick around, you're welcome to, but you don't have to. Thanks for having me. How much longer are you guys going?

10 more minutes. Another hour? Yeah. Minute 40. Oh shit. Oh shit. I forgot I left a bun in the oven. I'll hang around a little longer.

Yeah, it doesn't sound like you at all. What's up, Jeffrey? Hey, ma'am. You know, it's been a little minute since you and I have really Of the right. Oh wow yeah, it's been a minute. I've been getting some calls Remember old rice you bought in sugar in Jasmine bowl of rice was worse for me than poison. Drowsed the whole thing in hoisin, just to realize the rice had been cooked by boilin? I was so confused, what should Jeffrey do? I did the omakase and then didn't want to chew.

I went into the kitchen just to ridicule the chef. Turns out the cook was also named Jeff. I grabbed the whole wok, grabbed the fish, sauce, turned the heat up, cooked the rice until it looked like peat moss. I moved on, dropped a couple of pods, and then I went and got concussed. Now it's 2020 WOD. Okay, I just feel like this is the perfect opportunity for us to just take a second and kind of unpack what's happened to you. You know, you hit your head on a chair and- Nah, fuck it. Headgum sketches this, Headgum podcasts that.

We're booking zero ads, it's all because of Brad. I'm dining so fine, burnt rice to me is chine. My health is bad, but no worse than Marika's spine. Slicked wok soy sauce, agents want the TikTok. Now I'm making TikTok sketches, what the fuck? I found myself missing OMSV, but we ain't got time for brunch. The rice needs me.

That's forward to 2024. I'm stacking our board and making it scorch. My bomba tastes like sands, it's tickling my glands. I can't even fucking lie this is a really dark time for me, I'm going through a lot. By that you mean burnt rice. I wouldn't say. Burnt rice? No, I mean. No?

I mean it's a good way to cook grains. I'm not judging. I mean I can stop whenever I want. You wanna talk about it? Uh, I mean fuck, I like char, I like sand. I like torching bomba. I like oatmeal. I like to singe I like cauterizing grains out in Hollywood. I like eating Hollywood rice when it's burnt real good What can I say the grains burn they taste fine and my self-worth's at an all-time high and when rice couldn't get more burnt Nobu crashed my place and destroyed all I own.

Whoopsie, made an oopsie, a hundred thousand grains of rice, boiled soupie, I ain't a chef so you can trust me. Gonna turn Nobu's guts into burnt jeans! Woah woah woah woah woah woah woah woah woah woah woah. Okay, Jeffrey. We don't want to revert back to our old ways. Sorry, okay, yeah. So we're gonna try a singeing exercise, okay? Alright, burn. When I char, you scald, okay? Alright. Let's go. Sorry Wow. Oh my god. What? How good. Honestly, an all-timer.

That's crazy. Thank god Emma stuck around for that. I turn around and she and Marika are gone. Gachi is in the call. Who? What? Is that a parody of a song? Yeah, Denial is a River.

So here we go with the fucking aging thing, right? You've never heard this shit? It's kinda new, yeah. Is it? Colbert is. It's top It's kind of new. Yeah, is it? Topical yeah, yeah Marika suggested that one. I took it and ran Marika. What'd you think? I thought it was beautiful I'm glad you did. I'm glad you did the recorded voice. Yes that early out of the lot. Yeah I mean we have to go line by line obviously. Yeah, that was the part that was like oh, this is really good You should do like a real original rap song

Who sings the the denials rap dochi shout out dochi yeah What's up, Jeffrey? Hey, man You know it's been a little minute since you and I have had a chat really Probably since like rhythm of the rice since you and I have had a chat, really. Probably since like, rhythm of the rice? Oh yeah, it's been a minute. I've been getting some calls. Oh, people are getting a little bit worried

about the way you're cooking rice, why? And I know that I was kind of that outlet for you, so true, true. Why don't you just tell me what's been going on? Oh, Kerr, remember old rice you bought in Sugarin? Jasmine, bowl of rice was worse for me than poison Douse the whole dish in hoisin just to realize the rice had been cooked by boiling. I was I thought I was good Thank you. I was so confused. What should Jeffrey do? I did the omakase and then did not want to chew

I'm here. No phone. I'm looking at this real song I went into the kitchen just to ridicule the chef turns out the cook was also named Jeff Truly like the best one-to-one. I've heard you do. Yeah When she says don't you you say Jeffrey it like it's really well I grabbed the whole walk grabbed the fish sauce Turned the heat up cooked the rice until it looked like peat moss Which is actually when you when you're making scotch they burn ma like peat moss That's why it's like a peaty scotch. That was a really good line. Yeah, I got saved by the rhyme

I moved on dropped a couple of pods then I went and got concussed now. It's 2020 wad What does that mean? That's well in the song it It's 2021, but that doesn't rhyme with pod. Yeah Okay, I just feel like this is the perfect opportunity for us to take a look at and unpack it what happened to you, you know, you hit your head on a chair and Nah fuck it Headgum sketches this headgum podcast that we're booking zero ads. It's all because of Brad. Yeah, can we confirm that was brutal? No Brad works harder than almost anyone of this company In particular money and no one is interested

Selling garbage at the mall coming by I'm dining so fine burnt rice to me is chine my health is bad, but no worse than Marika's spine Slicked wok soy sauce agents want the tic-tacs now. I'm making tic-tac sketches What the fuck yeah at Jeffrey James on Instagram at I am Jeffrey James on tic-tac by the way yeah Casey Have you heard of this song? Yeah. God damn it. I'm done.

It's like a little sad that you have it. It's a little telling. And I'm on TikTok. Yeah. And it's viral on TikTok. It's viral, yeah. It's viral, yeah. Now I'm gonna get it all the time, but before it's just.

I find myself missing OMSB, but we ain't got time for brunch, the rice needs me. I thought that was good. Fast forward to 2024. I'm stacking our boar and making it scorch. My bomba tastes like sands. It's tickling my glands. I can't even lie. It's a really dark time for me.

Yeah, this is the part that is viral on TikTok and it was the part I was most excited for. Yeah, especially. Please continue. This is where you all start. This is where he started Yeah, by a lot of burnt rice. I mean I wouldn't say burnt rice. No, I mean no, it's a good way to cook grains I Know I'm not judging I can stop whenever I want. I'm just saying you want to talk about it uh I mean fuck I like char I like sorry I mean fuck I like char I like sand I like torching bomba I like oatmeal I like to singe I like cauterizing grains out in Hollywood I like eating Hollywood rice when it's burnt real good yeah what can I say the

grains burn they taste fine and my self-worth set an all-time high So now you're doing well And when rice couldn't get more burnt no boo crashed my place and destroyed all I owned I like this. I like the introduction of Nobu into the conversation. Yeah. Whoopsie made an oopsie, a hundred thousand grains of rice, boiled soupy.

I ain't a chef so you can trust me. Gonna turn Nobu's guts into burnt jeans. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, okay, Jeffrey, we don't wanna revert back to our old ways. Sorry, okay So we're gonna try a singeing exercise. Okay. All right burnt when I char you scald. Okay. All right, let's go And then it's me. Hmm with a walk on a scalding the grains also a good one-to-one. Yeah. Yeah All right, that was this is a think this is the new hit. Yeah.

This is probably the best one we've done since B-U-R-N Jasmine Rice. Yeah. Yeah. It'll need to be a social clip. It'll need to be subtitled within an inch of its life. I don't see... If only we had Sage. Oh, yeah.

Amir, do you wanna do it? I think we're gonna have to get Munch on this one, if you know what I mean. Ferris Munchie it? I think we're gonna have to get munch on this one All right, we have one last segment. I mean do we guys have time it's already been 50 minutes We I mean I have to go Okay, let's do plugs and we'll save this one for the next episode I'm a little bit of a mess zinger on Instagram. Emma Plugs, what do you got? Spolly on Instagram. Marika, I got back into my letterbox,

but we'll talk about that later. Yay. Yay. Thanks for having me, bye guys. Thanks so much Emma. Bye Zinger. Marika Plugs, what do you got? At Marie Galen on everything letterboxed particularly

That's all Follow me I'm dochi on no way That's right song you liked was actually written by me. Dork cheese. Dork cheese on Red Note. Red Note. I'm up to 18. He doesn't know about Red Note either, Will. I'm dork cheese on Red Note. I'm on Deep Seek R1.

Nice. Will? Get out there, see better man. That's my plug. And at Jeffrey James on Instagram. I am Jeffrey James on TikTok. All right. Agents do want the TikToks. I'm posting a sketch every week. Check that shit out. They've been great. Thank you.

I really need to fucking hear that. I think they're funny. Mm hmm. And I sent one to a friend even. Which one? I recommend people do that at home. Yeah. If you like any of them, send them to like two or five friends. Yeah. Which which one did you send? Um, to be honest, they you like any of them send them to like two or five friends. Yeah, which which one did you send um? To be honest. They're like ephemeral like I don't really didn't watch The DVD one I bet you sent that one I did in collection one

No, I'm gonna have to pull it up to be honest one in the about Jeff kissing a toilet or something Yeah I'm gonna have to pull it up to be honest. One about Jeff kissing a toilet or something. A garbage can. We'll check that in a few weeks. Yeah. Which one was it? Jeffrey James. Sorry, I just got an email. Is it saying that I'm sharing the clip?

Just which one did you like? Oh, it was the guy who's insecure about the wrong things. That's funny. That one. All right, well. Is there a camera? I bet Casey's covering it up. Yeah, but Casey's all up in front of it.

And he replies from your friend? Don't send me stuff That was a Hidgum Original. Hey, it's Nicole Byer here. Let me ask you something. Are you tired of endless swiping on dating apps? Fed up with awkward first dates and disappointing hookups? Girl, same. Welcome to Why Won't You Date Me?

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