The Headgum Podcast - 242: Marika ID

Episode Date: February 14, 2025

Amir, Marika, and Brad join Geoff to discuss Geoff's sweater and Bacre, do their Fine Rankings, before performing the visual task of custom shoe design!» FOLLOW Geoff on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/geoffreyjames/» FOLLOW Amir on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/amir/» FOLLOW Marika on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/marikaelon/» FOLLOW Brad on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/bradthehuman/Advertise on The Headgum Podcast via Gumball.fmRate The Headgum Podcast 5-stars on Apple PodcastsRate The Headgum Podcast 5-stars on SpotifyJoin the Headgum DiscordSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum original. Previously on the HeadGum Podcast. Doesn't matter whether you can do them or not. Well, British is just right post and center underneath you. Right post and center. You play the Yuke? Of course. Yeah.

I'm peeking and I'm seeing professional yo-yo player. You didn't know that about me? No. Oh, that's not like a funny ad lib that you thought like, oh, this guy's funny. Like a casting director would be casting for New Girl. They'd see professional yo-yo player and think like, what a funny guy. Like he put professional yo-yo.

Jeff has some insane yo-yo videos on YouTube. Really? He's a teenager. That's kind of awesome though. National competition level yo-yoing. That's so cool. That's really cool. That's true. Never made a dime off of that.

So you can do the trick where you make like the string a triangle and then the yo-yo goes wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wh What's that? What's that? What's that? What's that? What's that? Brad Street's back. All hill. We have a lot to get to, so I can't make too much of a to do about how Brad kind of looks like a depressed. Where's Waldo? Yeah, that's what I'm going for. Peek Pacific Northwest. Do you know really get Waldo's evil alter ego?

Waldo Waldo Waldo. He has like an evil sort of a Wario of sorts. Do you know his name? Malda. Wa Waldo. This is ringing a bell. Is it yellow and black? Yes, it is.

You're full of shit, man. It's Odla. And he wears yellow and black instead of red and white. I'm going to Google this and it's not going to be real. And I'm going to be even more. His name is Odla law. Yeah Waldo backwards That's kind of funny. I was kind of a huge Waldo head in Late elementary school tracks big time. Oh, yeah, this is really got a mustache

I mean, I know this is illegal to ask but how old were you when you lost your virginity? lost your virginity. So early, so early. Because I didn't admit it in. Mean. And we're back. I guess let's take it straight into our. Longest running segment, I want to say. Bond of the Week.

Right? P. Martin Hanford, the creator of Waldo. What's his name? Martin Hanford. Interesting. Why him? He created Waldo and Odla. He could probably play James. Two different skillsets. If he can create Odla He could probably play James.

If you create a law, he can play James. He can create a character in James. Maria. Uh, I said Peter Sarsgaard. Why him? I'm just thinking about him. Got it. Brad, who do you have? Let's go with Black Country New Road.

Who? Okay. British alt indie band. Interesting. They released a song this morning and it made me think, what if James was a bunch of guys? James Band? They're British.

James Band! They're British. James Band! Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. house. Because then it's the perfect branded opportunity. During the release of the film, Sonder House could change its name to Bondur Hotel. What, Marika? I'm just tired of this run of Sonder. of Saundert. Can I ask why or? It's just your like attachment to words. You'll move on one day. It'll be a new word. I think there's... Today it's Saundert.

I think that's beautiful. Actually, the way I treat language. He's a linguist. I mean, I just want to pat ourselves on the ass here. Team, it's been a run of some banger episodes, right? For once. What's that for what? For the headgun pocket.

Oh. What for the head gun pocket? Oh. And then we got to clip out some of these social things. I got to munch this stuff, especially the one that if you're listening to this one that came out last week, love that one. All-timer. Did you even edit that one yet? Not yet, but I know it was no, he didn't.

Yeah, I know it was good because you were asking me to send you a clip from it. Right, you haven't. I haven't edited it yet. I haven't edited it yet. I haven't edited it yet. Now to get ahead on editing to help yourself, Jeff. I'll do that.

It's not even the end of this week and it's coming out next Friday. Yeah, I'm saying. Stop making people think about time like that. It doesn't make sense Like this is some fucking inception shit. It's not even the end of this week yet Imagine hearing that on February 7th. You think that's the most confusing thing that's gonna be said today because that's actually the perfect segue into Word of the Day. Okay. Brad, I don't know if you've kept up with the show at all but actually Word of the Day has evolved into a beautiful Phoenix because instead of it being a word that someone didn't say as the Word of the Day, it's now I'm

coining terms, I'm making up shit that we all are sort of trying to incorporate into our daily vocabulary. Yeah. Today's word of the day is baker. And no one said that, to be clear. No, nobody said, I'm just saying, I'm bringing a word to the show every week.

You're just picking a word. Making a word. Baking a word to the show. We're just picking a word, making a word, baking a word, B, A, C, R, E. It's the definition is it's the general area around baking happening. So if you have like a if you have a cake in the oven or that whole area is a baker. OK, got it.

It's like, yeah, an acre, but for baking. Right. And what square bakery? Are you working with in your apartment? Or currently there is no bakery, but. You know, if I were to make some banana bread later, you could aspire towards bakerage. I feel like most people only can have one baker because I unless you have multiple You know, if I were to make some banana bread later, you could aspire towards Bakeridge. I feel like most people only can have one baker because unless you have multiple ovens.

Well, some people do. I guess so. But then there's a there's a height at which you can sit, Jeff, that makes your sweater look like it says farty. Oh, close. Now you you got to get lower. The H. Lower on your left side. Left side.

Yeah. A little farty. Hold on. I'm gonna take a picture. God is ass. His ass. Asshole. Wow. Sharing this because I did. Want to bring this up to you, Amir, this made me think of you.

I just can you roll the clip? You're in charge. Tacked is the ability to tell someone to go to hell in such a way that they look forward to the trip. That's really good. No, it's not. It has 14 likes and it was posted 9 years ago. How did you find this? Uh, just think possible in what city? Last day in Boston and I couldn't be more excited. It was a hashtag my friends hate me.

Yeah, it wasn't actually the quote. It was the hashtag that made me. This is your alt. Yeah. Anyway, sort of interesting. We'll come back to that later. Your next Rice parody should be of the L'Angelo ball swerve in the corner rap song.

Maybe. Maybe. I just ordered it. What on cameo, bro? Make it today and record it now. What's so Lee Angelo ball released a song? Yeah, and it's sort of taking the NBA by storm and he just released a music video for it. But it took the NBA by storm because the song is bad.

I think they were surprisingly into it. Dome. Nice. Very good. All right, guys, we have done Marika's wisdom. What was it? Joel's drolls. I've I've lost track, but this week it? Joel's drolls. I've I've lost track, but this week it's Brad's ass. Basically, how much does Brad think of his own rear?

Currently, actually a lot, meaning I've been squatting a good deal because I have been doing a project 2025 is the year of doing a project. Right. But that's usually project 2025. I'm in the middle of my thought. Okay. Project 2025 is my other passion.

Okay. And we'll get to that at the end when I'm plugging things away. But I've been squatting a lot. So my hind has been. Soar, soar of sorts. Brad Hind. Just change the one letter. Oh, that's more than one letter.

H.I. Oh, you're right. H.I. Oh, you're right. I actually squatted yesterday and I really fucked up something in my back to the point where sleep was uncomfortable the entire night. Same. My back is killing me as well. I don't know what I do wrong. I also don't know why people squat, to be honest.

I know I should do that instead of a leg press because of the stabilizer muscles or whatever But I'm doing the shit every time I'm leaving with back pain, and I think the form is fine And also like me fine enough. It's not like so wrong that Everyone's doing it and getting back pain. There's something special about your back, it seems. Yeah, I wonder if there's something wrong with me. Structurally? And if you need to go down in the weight that you're squatting.

It's hard though, because that starts to... So what is it, the weight or the form? It can't be both. It's gotta be the form. It can't be both. It's a mixture of the two, but it's probably mostly the form. It's probably that you need to strengthen the muscles around the muscles that you're using.'s probably mostly the form. It's probably that you need to strengthen the muscles around the muscles that you're using. So lessen the weight. It's probably core core core.

We honestly shouldn't be using weight at all. Just start with no way. Straight. No way. Squat. Do a project. Pick up a 20 pound barb like one of those little bar. You just want me to look like a fucking idiot at the gym. One of those barbell things, you want me to not even have like the 45 bar with no weights.

You want me to have a 20 pound one that's meant for curls. Yeah, take that, hold it in front of you. And squat. And see how many you can do then. Huddle up, it's me, Angel Reese. You can't beat the post game burger and fries, right? and see how many you can do then. the fries and a drink. It's gonna be a high C for me. Sound good? All you have to do to get it is beat me in a one-on-one. I'm just playing. Get the Angel Rees special at McDonald's now. Ba-da-ba-ba-ba.

I'm participating in restaurants for a limited time. I have been trying to find the perfect novel title. I will go for it. This week, I'm pitching the bragging Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo- Sometimes be the loudest way to boast. And it's about shy Gildes Alexander. Or Shia LaBeouf. No, Shia LaBeouf could be good. It's not about either of those guys, but it's about shy.

Another it's about another character named Shy. Yeah, exactly right. OK, it right. Okay. Is it Chai? No. Inspired by anyone? No. I'm afraid not, Mariko. And I wish it was that.

It's inspired by Nobu-D. As in, it's not inspired by Matsuhisa. As in, my back hurts from doing squats. Well, we are running short so far because you guys haven't quite participated to my liking. What's that? But let's keep it going with the first segment, which I like to call... In trouble. Okay, I I like to call trouble. OK, I'll just cut it out.

Welcome to fine ranking. Have you guys been seeing this on TikTok where there's like blind raking? So it'll be like rank Italian foods, dad. And it's an Italian dad. And he's like lasagna is like, oh, four. And then it's like that. Yeah. But you don't know whether to put something at one because you don't know what's coming up next right yeah I've seen this with men mostly yeah I've seen it with what men with men yeah

mmm yeah men like men rank guys Men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men. And I just want the listeners to take this. The computer just said, are you playing music? Yeah. Are you making art? I do want the listeners to take that as an endorsement of Charlie Sheen's behavior. All right, here we go.

This is instead of blind ranking, this is fine ranking. So this is basically 15 things and you guys don't even know what the wheelhouse is of them but each of these are going to be innocuous and fine. Does that make sense? And is this tier list style ranking? Are we going like 1 through 15? It's not like SAB. Yeah it's 1 through 15. 1 through 15. 1 is the through 15. You guys do the best.

What about wheelhouses? What's that? I'm saying the wheelhouses is like everything's like, we don't know it. Oh, okay. But it's not like we have to guess what they... No, there's not really. No, the theme is it's all fine.

Gotcha. Ready? You guys have to come to a consensus on where you're ranking them each time. Here we go. A spool of twine. Got to be really low. I would say like... Depends on who you ask.

I would say six. Are we asking like a kitty cat? Would love that. Or like a baker? No. Bakery. And you're at an open house. And what's the bakery?

What? How many loaves of bread can I fit in it? In the entire house? Bakery. Yeah. No, I'm with you, Marika. Six for Twine. Amir?

I would go lower, but I guess we can start at six and see what happens. All right. Can we move them? No, that's the whole thing. That's the whole point. It's locked in. And Grace, can we get a visualization

of the one to 15 somewhere on the screen? Thanks so much. Make her work for it. Jesus. to 15 somewhere on the screen thanks so much make work for it all right a tractor that works fine it's pretty high what some machinery no way this works it works fine that's good oh you want a tractor that works fine right yeah but you like know that you need to like replace a bunch of shit on it. No you don't, because it sounds stressful honestly. If you're doing a project, you don't want something that works fine.

You're obsessed with projects. Yeah, you're really into projects. You're into the idea of projects, but I feel like you're not working on anything. No, I agree with a project. I'm mid project right now. Below twine is fine for mine. I kind of want to say 11. Is that crazy? Twine is six and a tractor is 11.

Yeah. Because you think it's a liability to have a piece of equipment. I would go too just because you can sell it for probably $50,000. You're all about money, man. Yeah, man. It's not all about money. Sometimes it's about the joy of doing a project Yeah, what would you rather have a little piece of rope or a fucking chair? It was a spool

It was a little piece don't diminish, so where are we putting it right? We have more second 11 Yeah, I would put it at Roman numeral 11 aka 2 so you agree with 11 or you want to kind of campaign with 11? Yeah, oh, yeah, I don't fucking care a man Are we ready to move on yeah a man named Harvard who studied at Howard? That's excellent Yeah, Harvard's like not a good name Howard. That's excellent. Three is good. Yeah, Harvard's like not a good name, but it's a beautiful baby boy.

What are you going to name him? Yale. I'm worried that the next one is the vice versa of this. And like now we'll have to rank these two men, one and two, depending on their name and education or something. We'll find out.

You're worried about that? So what are you ranking it? Well, we have to leave, leave some room. Yeah, three. All right, three, very interesting. Here we go. A leased house without a view. Oh, leased isn't like not owned. Yeah, it's hard to do a project in a house you don't own. What's your project? I built a climbing wall.

I saw that. That's cool. I didn't know you built it. Projects. Yeah, it was a project. Well, that was a project squared, we should say, because you can there's a project on the wall and the wall itself was a project. Well, I built a project so that I could set a project.

Interesting on it. I saw a setty with a setty. I saw that in a background the other day, and I thought you were just at a climbing gym on a meeting. And I was like, that's funny. But I saw you were in a garage and I was like. I also thought that, which is high praise to Brad for us thinking it was a professional climbing gym where people would pay to climb.

This is what I wanted to hear. All right. Where are we ranking a leased house without a view? I think it's pretty good. Yeah, it's not good without a view. It's above twine. I think it's a whole little above twine. Yeah, I don't see how this can't be a number one like to have a house.

No, I'm leaning five. I'm leaning five. Yeah, it's lease. That's still pretty awesome to have an entire house. Also without a huge is at all between the leasing and renting a house. There without a few. What's the difference between leasing and renting a house? There is none. So you're just renting a house. Which is awesome.

It could be a really big house. Well, you could do a month to month. You could do it. That's great, because then you're not be held to anything. I love to have a month to month. Also, you're be held to the whims of the landlord a little. That's true, because I was actually about to say that the best house I ever lived in was a month to month. Basically, we didn't have a lease, but then he ended up kicking us out.

Yeah, because he sold it, which is why it can't be one and which is why I vote for five. Interesting. Very interesting. But I would say the way it's framed, I don't know why I'm participating. This is up to you guys. But it says without a view as if it's like, oh, that has kind of sucks. Yeah, you don't need a view. I actually prefer not having a view, but I'd like to have a yard with some trees. Does that make sense?

I feel like you guys aren't getting that. No, I'm fine with five then. It's great. Yeah. All right. A walking path. Easy one. Whoa.

Right? Two? Come on. Walking path? I do feel like I would have... Ha ha ha ha ha. The chaos. Come on. Ruka hates it.

No, I wanted to rank it high, but now I think we're getting into that territory of like, no, we don't know what's coming. Yeah. Yeah. But I do. We could get like something really good. Yeah. Should we just say four? I mean, right. It can't be better than Harvard. Yeah. No, Harvard is good. You didn't even rank Harvard as one. He was three. Yeah. And is a walking path better than a guy named Harvard who went to Howard?

I don't know. I don't think so. I think you're right. Amir, you're not participating. What the fuck is happening? Because I'm trying to like figure out about. I wanted to like do it based on the current value of the items and you guys are like Selling how do you sell a walking path man? That would be a good project building a walking path Maybe I'll do that next selling it So, where are we ranking it

Listen So where are we ranking it? Listen Alright a catchy song that you forgot How do I that's gotta be like a one or two yeah, but you forgot it no, but now you Remembering you like you hear it again. Is that what you're saying that tells me that it's not actually that catchy is the thing I'm not that it's not actually that catchy is the thing. I'm not saying it's sorry. You're adding shit. You're filling in the blanks where there are none. Marika, it's not remembering a catchy song.

Yeah, you forgot it's a song existing in the ether. Yeah, that you forgot. Oh, but it was catchy. OK, so that's bad, actually. Well. No, that's I'd put that I hate that feeling. Yeah. When you're like, how did that?

But it's not the feeling. It's not the feeling. Angelo Ball. It's not the feeling. It's not you knowing about it or feeling anything about it. It's the existence of it somewhere. Not in your mind. It's catchy. You don't have it. It's the existence of it somewhere. Not in your mind. It's catchy. You don't have it. Which I guess is the point of this list. So one again. Sure. 14. 14.

What? That's crazy. I'm with Marika. 100% disagree. What's that? Relax. All right. That's supposed to be. That's my impression of Kare Relax. All right. That's the way it takes. That's my impression of Kareem.

Got it. I love the way he says agree or disagree. I never noticed that, but now I'll try to hear that. People are tearing the girl with the dog to shreds on my timeline. Oh, yeah, no, she was an idiot. What did she say? She said, dogs should be allowed everywhere

human babies are allowed. I agree with her that human babies should be allowed in less spaces. Yeah. That doesn't mean we keep babies where they are and add dogs into the equation. Dogs can be terrible as well. All right. Come with her. Our big thing was trap. Theatres free dog in a movie theater sounds great. Especially if you're seeing Dog Man.

Yeah, you are a dog man. Because you keep cutting me off like a dog spark. How many left just out of curiosity? I think let's just enjoy the game instead of being like such a countdown. Like halfway through I think. Yeah, I was worried it would be like 11. Free tickets to a museum. Oh, that's good.

That's nice. I'm tired, but you can sell that for face. You suck, man. Five. I mean. We already did five. We're, yeah, we've got. You've got one, two, seven through ten and twelve, thirteen and fifteen.

Free tickets to a museum. Yeah, it's either got to be two or seven. I'm leaving. Five, man. It either has to be two or seven. Those are the highest ones that aren't one. How is that not one? Why can't we do one? Yeah.

Because we don't know what's coming. Something really good could be coming up. That's amazing. You won't regret that, I feel. And I'm not even saying that because of the lift. I'm not looking at the rest of this. I'm just saying museum tickets are expensive. Imagine getting to see that shit for free.

You're an idiot. Not even two is crazy. I would say two, but. All right. Two is fine. All right. that shit for free you're an idiot not even two is crazy too but all right two is fine all right uh high quality beige paint 15 why are you guys not enjoying I'm gonna go 15 I'm yours on a phone placing fucking sports better no guys hear me out Yeah, painting is a good project to have all right, so what do you want it to be? Above 15 I'm thinking 13, but when would you paint something beige? Yeah?

Probably I wish Anya was on because I feel like she'd be like oh Bay that's the perfect color to paint a studio. Everything in your frame is beige, Jeff. Your cup, your skin, your fucking sweatshirt, the font, the background, your coffee probably. I thought this was more of a grage. Sort of a mold. Pinot Grasio.

Pinot Grasio. Pinot Grasio. All right, so where are we putting, did we put out 13, what are you saying? Let's see, yeah, 13. All right, day old fresh squeezed orange juice. Refrigerated or no? Of course. It's pretty good. It's actually better than fresh squeeze because it's cold and fresh squeezed. Pulp or no?

It has to be pulp. All natural. I'll put it in one. What? No. No. Is five available. It is not.

You have one seven through 10, 12 and 15. Seven is good. All right. This is the first one you could actually use. Everything else has been a tractor or a guy. A dart and a belt. 15. All right. A dart and a belt. 15. Alright.

And a dart. I don't know. Like, yeah. Wait. Other than what? What do you mean a dart? Canadian slang for a cigarette. Or like a dart in a clothing.

Piece of clothing. No, I'm smoking a dart. No, it's for like throwing out a dart board. Okay. Yeah, 15 is fine. Yeah, both of those are useful. All right, a lozenge. Hear me out. One?

No way. It's useful when you need it. Yeah, but it only means that you don't feel good. That's true. Yeah, but what better thing than when you're not feeling good than a lozenge? You're not going to need anything with a tractor or something if you have a sore throat. We're saving one for a slot and by the end it's going to be like, uh, dust. Now that's good.

Whoa, is dust coming up? See, we don't know. I would have put the juice up there. I would have put the lozenge up there. So where are you putting a lozenge? Come on. Eight, I guess. All right. A shopping cart when you're at the store. That's pretty good. Yeah. Nine. Having the best for last. We don't know what's coming. It could be a project. A haircut you got weeks ago. Oh, that. I think that's got to be one.

It's grown out. Yeah. It's like when you come back from this salon, you're like I made a huge mistake My life is over. I have to restyle this We've all experienced that right for sure. I guess so after a few weeks It's like now you're in the flow you get it. You know how to style it You know how to work with the hair and you like it ten

Amir I think it's one I think it's one. I think it's one. All right. Tiebreaker Amir, come on. I'll go one because I'm really afraid of the last one. Very interesting. All right. Changed locks. You've got 10 and 12. 12. That would have been great for one, but I guess 12. All right, and the last one is new khakis. Yeah, 10. That's correct. Thank God we didn't fucking have to put that first. All right. We lost the game. We do have to take a quick break,

but we'll be right back with some kickass segments. Yeah. Yeah. All right. Welcome to historic prov, his sport is provical, his provical, which The one I said three times instead of one. You said historic brav once and hispravacol twice. Many historical figures unfortunately never had the chance to have the comforts, inventions, and luxuries we take for granted. That is until today. I'm gonna assign you guys a series of roles as important people throughout history, as well as circumstances regarding modern tech. And you guys will do short improvised scenes of that.

Understood? Yeah. All right, here we go. Ben Franklin at a LASIK consult let's start with Brad okay yeah kind of nervous about this and my syphilis is really flaring up so is anyone else I'm speaking to the LASIK man yeah I'm here you can be the Lasik guy. Oh, I can play even though you only asked Brad. Yeah, I was confused.

It's kind of like, Brad initiates the scene and you guys can take it from there. She's. Oh, yeah. So, yeah, basically you sit down here and how does this laser interact with syphilis? Is there any? It doesn't interact with syphilis? Is there any? It doesn't interact with syphilis. It basically smooths the back of your eye and I'll change your prescription so that you'll naturally be at 2020.

Got it. And the, and the bolt of lightning comes in where no bolt of lightning, no syphilis, just the laser. What do I do with my kite? Your kite, I guess you can leave it in the lobby. There's not a lot of wind in here. Of course. You don't have to worry about the kite.

I guess I'm confused. It might be the syphilis in my brain. You invented bifocals. You should be the least confused right now. Oh man, that's... yeah. And scene. No, you can't call it. That was part of right now. That's yeah. And scene. No, you can't call it. That was part of it.

Now you have to make it sense of why you said and scene. It's the syphilis. All right. And scene. All right, here we go. Amir, you'll be Julius Caesar and Marika, you'll be serving him a Caesar salad.

Wow, this is incredible. What do you call this? This plate of greens with ranch. Sorry, this isn't a ranch. This is a salad. It's actually called a Caesar salad. Don't let it go to your head. How can I not? I'm a fucking powerful emperor.

You presented me with a delicious salad and you're what does it have to do with? You named it after me. I didn't name it. He did bring it to you. The chef. Oh, well, my compliments to the chef. Do you know who the chef was? Do you want to go talk to him? He's back there.

No, I want you to tell him. Huzzah! All right. I'll pass along that message. I'm choking on that bread they put in here. What are those called? They're called croutons. My mortal enemy.

I'm allergic to Grutaut. I'm not sure when the Heimlich was invented, so I'm not going to really do anything. All right. End scene. That was so he knew what ranch was. Yeah. Awful. Now, Marika, you were great. You were great. All right. Here we go.

This is Mother Teresa browsing OnlyFans. And Marika, you'll be Mother Teresa. And I'll be Julius Caesar. Why do I have a one person scene? Just do it. Do it You're not browsing yet Really good actually

This spot that's the best one yet. We're going to have to take it from the beginning. I feel like there's especially for the audio listeners, you know, you know, I want to look out for. Let's do mother Teresa being introduced to only fans by her great, great granddaughter.

And Brad, you'll be the great grand, great granddaughter. Yeah. So anyway, great, great grandma. granddaughter and Brad you'll be the great-grandgreat-granddaughter yeah so anyway great-great-grandma I kind of set up this tripod here and I just kind of like play with it a little and I don't have to do a lot like a stop it's not like degrading or anything. And then I just got a message with these men and they tell me it's hot. They give me. That's really cool and empowering, but I'm proud of you.

Wow. She really is the best. Great, great grandmother, Teresa. All right, here we go. Scene, scene, scene, scene, scene, scene, scene, scene, scene, scene, scene, scene. Suddenly started to have fun for one second and you fucking snuffed it out like a fire. Great job containing it. All right, here we go.

This is going to be Amir playing Leonardo Da Vinci and you're browsing NFTs. So much browsing. Fine, being introduced to NFTs by your great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-grandson. I'll play the great-grandson. Okay. Yeah. So basically like you can pay for, it's like a token almost, but you can have it. Others can have the image, but you can't have the original.

You know how like people will pay for your prints, but that's not quite as good. So how much is this one of a monkey with tie dyed? That's going to be 80 grand, but you can't pay for it in 80,000. Ethereum. I don't know what that is. Well, you know cash. Yes, I know coins, you know, American dollars.

No, what's America? Okay. Do you know Venetian coins? Of course. So imagine that can you convert that into an American dollar? There's like 80,000 or something coins to $1, which is a piece of paper. The richest emperor on earth has 1200 coins. Okay. He could not have this. No, He could not get anywhere near... He couldn't have one Ethereum, let alone 80,000. Yes, exactly.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go paint a naked guy with spirals around him. Toodaloo! Is it gonna be on a vertical surface? Oh, he's dead. Uh, wow, that sucked. Uh, scene. Is it going to be on a vertical surface? Oh, he's dead. Wow, that sucked scene. This whole segment's going poorly.

It would have been better if we had like a Finn Wolfhard on someone who's like truly an actor. Here we go. Gallo and improviser Galileo learning. He's an Aries rising. Brad, you play Galilei and Marika, you can be like an astrologer. So based on the time of the time you were born, you're actually Aries Rising. And that, I believe, is what you present to others. Kay?

Same. Um, all right. He's Italian! He wouldn't speak English. All right, this is Thomas Jefferson hosting the NAACP Awards. Pfft. Marika, do you want to play Thomas Jefferson? Feel like you shouldn't, right? Well, that's kind of the whole bit of it.

And then Amir, me and Brad will play audience members. All right. Action. Boo! Get the fuck off the stage! All right. Boo! Let's just get...

Wow, that one was fast. All right, this will be Gandhi using Door Dash. And he's on a hunger strike. Brad, you can play Gandhi and I just want to let you know that this is accent and courage. Nope, not doing that. All right, scene. This is Gandhi using DoorDash.

Marika, you can play Gandhi and this is accent required. Yeah, I won't be doing an accent. Very interesting. All right, moving on. And the ending is accent required. I won't be doing an accent. Very interesting. All right, moving on. Comedy is back. I can do any accent I want. Including Eggu.

That song, yeah. All right, this is a segment that I like to call, do you guys remember Nike ID? Yeah, you can make your own shoe color way. Welcome to Marika ID This is just Nike ID Basically, we're gonna watch Marika design a shoe and And give her live critiques both positive, but mostly negative.

Yeah. Fun project. Yeah, there you go, Brad. So Marika, take it away. You can choose any shoe or cleat. Do the cleat. Do we got any jaws on here? Any what's?

Joel just told me that he bought some jaws. What are jaws? Jordan's Jordan. John Moran. Can you like scroll so I can see all the fucking shoes? Like, yeah, Jesus Christ. By the way, the caveat is that we will be ordering these and Headgun will pay for them. Hell, yeah, that's not true.

And Mexico is going gonna pay for him. What about the Nike Phoenix waffle by you? No, I guess it's trail. I actually have a pair of those. So don't go at those. You don't want to look like me. Whoa Where are those crazy chrome shoes? Nike invincible. No, let me see. Invincible three by you. This is basically there's like this is there's preserved yams in here.

It's for like people who are preppers. I keep going. This is awful. Janice freak. Let's go to the awful shoe. Let's try to make it good. OK. But if I can't change the color of that square, then I'm going back.

No, there's no going. There is no undoing. All right. Well, I can. So it all worked out. Now, what do I do here? Well, you can use inspiration to start from or you can customize. Let's just go straight into customize. And this is you worried about the audio listeners? Yeah. As we quietly design a shoe. Okay.

It's Marika ID. The upper. Yep. Let's go with white. And Amir, can you describe what kind of shoe we're seeing here? Yeah. I mean, this is a classic. Next color.

A woman's sneaker, Nike specifically with a saucy little square on it. Yeah, that's covering the swooch. It's all mesh. Let's skip forward a bit. Let's get to that in the episode. Let's get to that. That place, whatever the square is. The square.

The square. You're going with a white upper, Marika. I am, but I'm trying to get to the square. I don't know what the square. Oh, it's the outsole. Yeah. Oh, yeah. It's a supporting.

It's actually the rope wrap. There's no way. Do you want it to be marbled? Do you want it to be marbled? Do you want it to be gum rubber? Gum rubber, you're only gonna get one option. Oh! The only rope wrap shit I care about is this one. Hey ho, I got a rope.

Swing it to and fro. Over my head and down. This is my rope. The gum's not working. Okay, what do This is disgusting, Marika. This is violent. No gum, no gum. The gum's not working. Okay, what do you want it to be? Marbled? Oh no! God!

Traditional, please. Okay. Let's go with that, like, red, red-orange situation. You mean light wild mango? Yeah, red orange situation. You mean light wild mango? Yeah, light wild mango. Can you rotate it? Marika's making a smoothie. Yeah.

With gum rubber and light wild mango. Smoothie or jarred. Imagine copping an acai. All right, Marika, we have to start going faster, right? Let's let's go one by one. What do you want the tongue lining to be? God, you can't do this to me. Rika needs at least an hour.

No way. Let's go. Let's keep the tongue lining and you want color. You want it to be royal pulse? I want it to be royal pulse, please. Oh! The swoosh. Let's make... No.

Stop moving around. Let's see what it looks like as the light wild mango, but I'm probably just going to... Go dark russet. What's the like color right in the middle? That's like dark. No. Midnight Navy. Got it. So black.

What about let's make it dark team red. No. So brown. The third color third light bone. LT Bone. Yeah, let's go. Lieutenant Bone. The third color third light bone LT bone Moving on you like this moving on well, well you let me go back You gotta go LT bone on those I think for a lazy I think for a lace, it's a corn. I want I think I want for our audio listeners, that's not a color. That is a material.

I think I want the entire interior to be this royal pulse. Oh, and OK, now we're going to change. We're going to change this. OK, to what? To what? Let's see what the green frost looks like. This is nothing. Green frost. It looks like one of...

This is nothing. It's Marika ID! Let's go! You wanna move on? This one, yeah. Awful! This looks like shit! Mid-Soul.

LT Bone. Where are we? Cillium Husk. No, this one, this one. No. This one? Platinum Violet. Awful. Where are we? Yeah. Zilliam Husk. No, this one, this one.

No, this one. Platinum violet. Awful. Continue. Yep. Mids. OK. He'll clip. He'll clip.

OK. You need a pop, a pop. Well, yeah, I'm going to go to the light wild mango. Yeah. Yeah. This is disgusting. As a shoe. Turn it around. Let's turn around. Let's see what it looks like. I think I hate this. It looks like shoe. Turn it around. Let's turn around.

Let's see what it looks like. I think I hate this. It looks like garbage. It looks like it looks like it looks like a liangel ball. Original and the Hornets have the worst colors in the NBA. It's nothing to me. Let's go. Whoa. He'll text text.

No way. Don't add text to the shit. What's the text? Literally ID. Jeff James, Lieutenant Bone. It's it's Jeff or five characters. James J.E.F.F. Marie.

This looks like garbage. It's good. What do you want the color to be? A pretty dope color way now that I see it all together. The like periwinkle. Green froth? That's not. Royal pulse.

You're obsessed with pulse. Yeah. Right, lace, icon. What are my options here? Strength. Swastika, what the fuck? Speed. Right. Endurance or accuracy.

Or a swoosh. Let's go swoosh. Yeah. All right, left place icon. All right, one swoosh, one arrow. Let's just keep it normal. Place lock. Do you want it to be metallic silver

or metallic gold grain? This is actually really bad because I thought I would be able to make this a color so this kind of changes the whole shoe It changes the whole shoe, there's no way It changes the whole shoe to be honest Which metallic and then we'll go back Don't be stumped

Fine All right, what do you want to change? The whole thing is bad, I would change almost all of it. And keep the names on the back. The Air Jeff James. Can you hit it with the Midnight Navy? On the overall? Yeah, just to see. Just to see.

It looks mad. Somehow it works. That's great. I love that. Yeah, just to see just to see it looks mad Great I love that Let's go to the green let's go to the green terrible let's go the frost try the Potatoes What about russet? Potato shoes, yeah black no this really might know worse shoes. I've ever Bones kind of killing no it is He chose the ugliest Miami vice Miami Vice Miami Vice How sweet the sound

Fine, fucking Navy or whatever She's busy ruining sneakers Navy, Navy Let's go white bean Let's go white bean salad This episode has to end soon This is too much What is the shoe, Marika?

Navy. For this? Okay, you get one more thing to change. Those are staying. God. I think the swoosh has to change. And I think the swoosh is, I think the L-T-bone's gotta go. I think I have to go. I think the L.T. Bones gotta go.

I think I have to go. I think it's gotta be, should it be chrome metallic silver to match the, oh god that's so bad. Let's just go frost. Let's just go frost. Let's go frost Nixon for it. Great. All right.

This is terrible. These shoes and nothing. I'll get a pair of these. No, now it's time for Bradstern. No, not. We do all get a pair of these on head gums. Dime. They all have to be very good

Alright, you can wear it Plugs what do you guys have going on? What do you want to people point the people towards? Let's start with Brad Hill Kings podcast is still going strong my king of the hill rewatch pod Go and go just search for that. That'd be cool and do a project Amir Headgum calm on mobile. Oh my god, Marika, I Don't endorse that actually

I Do endorse doing a project projects are great. I'm trying to get back into doing more projects personally. And then follow me on letterboxed at Mariekaylon. I am Jeffrey James on TikTok. Making a weekly TikTok sketch over there. Trying to grow the following. And we'll see you guys again next week. ["The Daily Show Theme"] That was a Hidgum Original.

Hey, it's Nicole Byer here. Let me ask you something. That was a Hidgum Original. and how to suck less at dating. Each week, I get real with comedians, friends, and celebrities about their love lives. We swap dating horror stories, awkward hookups, and dive into the messy and wonderful world of relationships. I've chatted with amazing guests like Conan O'Brien, Whitney Cummings, Sarah Silverman, Trixie Mattel, Tiffany Haddish, and so many more. So whether you're single, mingling, or boot up,

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