The Headgum Podcast - 255: Oops All Producers 2

Episode Date: May 16, 2025

Headgum’s contractors - Amelia, Richelle, Kevin, and Sam - join Geoff and Allie to play Would You Wear That, Cut or Nah, before getting to know each other better by answering Geoffrey’s many questions!» FOLLOW Geoff on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/geoffreyjames/» FOLLOW Allie on Twitch: https://www.twitch.tv/gluingshitonpaper/» FOLLOW Amelia on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/skidmark4/» FOLLOW Richelle on Twitch: https://www.twitch.tv/yard__sard» FOLLOW Kevin on Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@kevinjbartelt» FOLLOW Sam's Band on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/guckband/Rate The Headgum Podcast 5-stars on Apple PodcastsRate The Headgum Podcast 5-stars on SpotifyJoin the Headgum DiscordSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a Hedgum Original. McCrispy strips are now at McDonald's! Tender, juicy, and its own sauce. Would you look at that? Well, you can't see it, but trust me, it looks delicious. New McCrispy strips, now at McDonald's. Ready? I'm gonna get one big cough out. I'm gonna do right when the episode starts. ["The Last Post-Chorus"] You're bad.

You're bad. You're bad. ["The Last Post-Chorus"] Yes. Oops, all producers all head gums freelancers and Allie We've got a lot to get to you guys but first of all if you guys want to just introduce yourselves for anybody who might Not know who you guys are I'm Sam. I work at Hegem as a freelancer. And let's also hear what

shows you guys produce. I work on a Wayne Brady show called What If with Jonathan Mangum and I'm here to make friends with Liz Feldman and Jesse Klein. Are you contractually obligated to say the Jonathan Mangum part? He feels left out sometimes. And his dad created mango gum. Yeah exactly yeah. He's an air. Jonathan mango. His mangas opus. That's really good. Something there, something there. And then Kevin let's get the shows you work on but also how much sleep you got. I'm Kevin Bartelt. I've got three hours of sleep and the energy will decline. I work on Hollywood Handbook, Extraordinarians, a new Gareth Reynolds project,

and other non-Hedgum shows as well. And brought ideas. I thought the Gareth's show was in development purgatory. Oh, it's, we've moved, we've ascended to heaven. Yeah, but still development. Still development, and brought ideas with Rachel Billson and Olivia Allen. And other shows. Where does Billson live, Allen and other Billson live do you think holly weird here?

We got a caught up for her times are tough Love that I'm Rachelle Chen. I'm also a freelancer here, and I work on Get Played, seek treatment. Holy shit. I'm sorry. Drag her.

I'm sorry. And that's it right now. Nice, and that'll be the social clip, and we'll just have someone send that to Amano. Amelia? Hello, my name is Amelia Marino. I am a one show wonder. I work on Doughboy's podcast hosted by Mike Mitchell.

Oh, my God! Holy shit. Hosted by Mike Mitchell and Nick Weiger. And yeah, that's what I work on. And they're on tour right now. Why are you only joining them in DC, can I ask? Well, they went a little bit early to New York to film a blank check episode and to do some,

I think they're filming or recording another Doughboy's podcast. Yeah, I don't, they got stuff to do. Okay. And Ali Khan. Mm-hmm. Um. I feel like I have the cheat code of this episode because I could see I could see the whole soundboard I could see the episode notes. This happened last week because this is I'm done with the desk.

I used to be behind the desk all the time, and now I'm done with it. Because especially when we're in Studio G, nobody pays attention to me. It's tough. Yeah. It's dark back there too. We're all usually behind the desk, and now we're all in front of the camera.

Let's talk about it. How, I mean, will we have to do Bond of the Week first? Let's get this out of the way. My Bond of the Week this week is, basically, for those who don't know, it's, you cannot look at the notes. You absolutely cannot look at the notes. I want to see. What does it say?

Every... It's a bunch of buttons. It's a soundboard. And then it says, it has a theme song. It's got Cash Cab, Crazy Train, Cricket Noises, CSI, yeah. Curfew enthusiasm. She pushed my laptop to get a better look. Bad to the bone meme. Bad to the bone meme. Every week until the next 007 is cast, we're lobbing up our pick for the next James. My Bond of the Week this week is...

My Bond of the Week this week is... I hope that was the sound... Marie Pearl Zellmer Robinson. She holds the Guinness World Record for largest mouth gape during a yawn because it's time for a James yawn. Ah, she's getting on the extraordinary list. Um, Ali, do you have a James, sorry, do you have a Bond of the Week? I'm going to go with Joel Dunoff from our track department.

Why? Because he's from, what is it, Philly, Pittsburgh area, so it's kind of a John thing. Oh, James John, that's funny. James John, of course. The three P's. From Philly, Pittsburgh. Thing oh James John that's fun John of course three peas Really a little bond of the week So what am I supposed to do? Do you just lob up your pick for the next James Bond? It can be a goof it could be what you actually want it to be well, okay

I got one you mentioned a Robinson. I'm gonna pick Tim Robinson Tim Bond and why Tim yes, oh's what I'm gonna say. Oh, really? Sorry. Tim Bondenson, why Tim? Yes. Oh man, I just saw Friendship in theaters. Me too. Maroon, that, I was laughing so much. Yeah, I heard it's amazing. Friend of the show Billy Brick is in that.

So good. I still haven't seen it. Fantastic. You got it. Tim Bondenson, and I think you should die. That's really good. And then who's singing the theme song? Adele Dazeem.

So Idina Menzel's scream singing, yeah. Yep. Rochelle? The pilot from last night's episode of the rehearsal. I haven't seen it yet, no spoilers. But yeah, that's funny. Is it the guy, is it the same, the really misogynistic guy? No, there is a new...

No, I don't want to know. I said no spoilers, I have to say. I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have asked a question. There's a new pilot. There's a new pilot. He's a hunk. He's a hunk? Yeah, he's a hunk.

All right. Um. Walton Goggins. Oh, I thought it was Tim Bondenson. Walton Goggins? No, that was theirs. I was just helping out a little bit. Everything you say is helping out a little bit. Everything you say is helping out a little bit.

We're here to help out a little bit. Yeah. Yes, Walton Goggins so that he can tap dance with his mom at the final scene. That's what he did on SNL. He danced with his mom. So you want him to tap dance with his mom out of character or she's like playing somebody?

Ooh, Mrs. Bama, mama bond. Walton and his mom. Yeah, that's all I got right now. Mama Bond is uh, uh, Tyler Perry presents James Bond. Yeah. I like it. And then Sam, you're still going with Tim

Robinson I could pick somebody else if that's what you desire I kind of do I'll go Spongebob Square bond is that because of Amelia's wallet okay and then grace you'll just cut that out Add it back in. One for one. Word of the week. Actually, every week it's either word of the week or word of the day. This week it's word of the day. The word of the day is leprousy.

Leprosy? No. Is it like, it's Leprosy U-S-S-Y? Correct. L-E-P-R-U-S-S-Y It's when you put your whole energy and efforts into contracting leprosy Everyone's so trained to like not speak during record. I know, it's tough. I just don't know how to respond to that.

Okay, so it is what I said. Why don't you know if there's another, yeah, cue up. From that. That's it. Okay. Basically every, so word of the day used to just be something someone said, for example, I, the, she. Yeah.

But now it's, it's coining phrases in terms. Like leprosy. So if it comes up naturally in a conversation, do we do like a Pee Wee Herman yell? You can, but it's not going to, and to that end, I want you, like, the idea is that I'm introducing and coining and creating phrases that people might start saying.

So just, if you guys could kind of help me out and start saying leprosy. Okay. Whenever it feels saying. Yeah. So just, if you guys could kind of help me out and start saying leprosy. Okay. Whenever it feels natural. Okay. That can be arranged. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. My thing is I like to blame the supply chain. Meaning? Like if an episode is late for any reason, I go like supply chain's crazy right now. That's funny. Yeah, yeah. Yeah's funny. Yeah. Speaking of Kevin, this did make me think of you. Okay. Recently, I've been trying to like just kind

of look out for things that remind me of my friends. And so yeah, I saw this on Instagram. And if you just want to read this out loud and describe it for our audio listeners. Some people are so fake that if you look behind their necks you'll see and then it's a barcode and it says made in China And this made you think of me Because I'm a robot I'm like No, it just kind of I saw this I was like it screamed. Yeah Bartell. Yeah Bartelt How many I have been wrong pronouncing your last name every single time I've said it out loud.

I thought it was Bartlett. It's Bartel, was what people yelled at me recently. And then I'm saying it in front of you and you're saying it's Bartel. Why did they yell this at you? Because I was just wrong over and over and over again. Was there a conversation about me? People were shouting my name? Are you flattered or threatened? I'm interested. I'm intrigued Some people are so fake that if you look behind their necks, you'll see made in China to me that screams Kevin

Yeah, I am famously fake. Yeah, so People do have QR code tattoos though. Have you guys ever fucked with trying that? Have you, anyone interested? My cousin had one. Show them the lower lip tattoo. The bottom lip where you pull it off and you can scan.

Okay, cut this out for the video editor. Sure. Just cause I don't want people to have to do it. Scan. Yeah, scan it cause it's kind of inappropriate. Here, I'll put my hand up so only you guys can see it. Is it gonna give us a virus? Does it say lip prissy?

It's a PDF of project 2025. Oh wow. I a PDF of project 2025 only difference is that at the end it says this is Kevin Bartell approved it looks like a native America it hurt but it was worth it how come you chose believe it up I like to stand out. I think the black tattoos for the lower lip have been done before. And blue is my favorite color, obviously. You can tell from my eyes. And your hat pack hat is blue? And my hat pack hat is blue.

My LaCroix is blue. And my undies are currently blue. So yeah. You made a big show of dropping that LaCroix is blue and my undies are currently blue. Yeah, gross. So... You made a big show of dropping that LaCroix and then bending over. It was a huge whale tail, by the way. And let me just tell you, those undies were not blue when I bought them.

So you stained them? They were green. They were green. You robbed a bank in them. Yes, I did. And then you opened the cash. Yeah, right in front of the thong. Um...

Did you just... What's that? You applauded your own voice. And then you opened the cache. Yeah, right in front of the thong. Did you just... FIRE! What's that? You applauded yourself. I can't hear you over the sound. You applauded yourself. Oh, just it's kind of a way to keep the train moving crazy or otherwise. Yeah, exactly right.

E.A. Sports. It's in the game. Welcome to... THEME SONG Would You Wear That? Ooh. Basically, I'm gonna show you guys a series of shirts. Okay. And you just let me know,

and there's no way Ally's gonna be able to see, huh? Well, you asked me to come on, now I can't even play. I mean, do you wanna come over this way, or do you want me to just, we could FaceTime and I can show you the screen. No, you can sit here and we can share a microphone. No, let's do that.

Oh, okay. Yeah, I'll do that. Do what? Sit with Rochelle. Okay. And Amelia, sandwich. Let's do that. Ali, sandwich. Ali, sandwich.

This is a series of shirts. I'm just curious if you guys would wear this or not. Okay. All right. Here's the first shirt. Let's just get Sam if you can kind of describe all of these for the audio listeners It's a blue shirt on the back of a middle-aged man. I would assume it's a middle is generous Yeah, try to be generous Question for women who support Trump. When did you lose your dignity and self-respect as a woman with no question mark? Yeah bad pronunciator. Sorry. Oh My god punctuation La Proce I guess my question you guys is would you wear that?

Fuck I know Kevin would because it's blue I also have this question so I would wear this shirt. That's cool. Why do you? Yeah. How so? I would wear it. Is it a Best Buy shirt on the front? Yeah it's a Geek Squad shirt. Amelia would wear it, Rochelle would wear it. Ali? Sure, interesting no question mark at the end. And interesting that dignity and self respect are all caps and woman just kind of seems to trail off for this guy. I really hope there's nothing on the front. Yeah.

A blank blue. If it was black and white, I'd wear it. The text is so, I'm just admiring the the screen print of the text is extremely clean. Almost borderline it looks like a Photoshop job but it's not because you can see from the wrinkles on the left that it does bend properly. Sure. So yes because of just how clean of a job they did but not the mission We could talk about that But no, they did a good job

Next shirt Sam go ahead This one's in black and it says God created police so that even firefighters could have heroes And then can you describe the kind of graphic that's going on there? It was like Daffy Duck at first, but now I can cut it because there's a glare on the screen. Uh, yeah, there's two axes and like two fire hydrants spraying water at each other and a helmet in the middle, forming an X over a badge. Oh, God created police so that firefighters could have heroes Would you wear that I guess is my fuck yeah, I think I would I

like that I Would only wear this if the Trump in text from the last one was on the back I Would also wear this. This is shocking. I agree with the messaging. How so? Ali? You know, I also like to believe that God created police.

What? There's no way. We don't talk about it enough, but that's kind of my private thought. God created police. That'd be awesome. Yeah. Just like in the seven days that was on his list. And that's what the Gareth podcast is about, right? It's called God Made Cops.

Yeah. I think this would be a good night shirt. So we have to love it. You know how some shirts are kind of just for night? Yeah. So this one's like a little bit past the, you know, hips. It's a night shirt. Yeah.

Where it's like halfway down the thighs. I do need a new night shirt. Yeah. Where it's like halfway down the thighs. I do need a new night shirt. Yeah. I have a night shirt that's kind of the same vibe as this. Okay. It's like the thin blue line, right? Well, no. It's like, my name is Amelia. And yeah, I wear my heart on my sleeve and I'm too much for people. But it's like, you know those hyper-specific shirts that...

Yeah. It's like one know those hyper specific shirts that uh yeah It's like a wall of text that takes the entire shirt To me this is uh It's not to me. This is a bad message It's calling cops heroes Well No, I guess it's that implying that a cop is a hero because they need a hero too?

No, so that firefighters could have heroes, the heroes of firefighters being police. So I'm shocked that this room all said yes. I like the messaging of God existing and creating. So that gives you some kind of faith. Yeah. Well, for me, the sort of onus is on the word could because they don't have to,

firefighters don't have to have these, police says they're heroes, but they could. But only if God creates police. God created them. If they can just have heroes. Just in case. Okay. I think there's too much going on with the design.

I also think the text is bad. The text is tough, but I think the cop badge, the firefighter helmet, the axes, the hydrants, the water, all kind of in the same spot. It's like a mandala of bad. Yes. Mandala. Also kind of just playing for the bit of like police and firefighter rivalry. I think it's so bad that it's good.

Yeah, it comes back around. Sam? This is a new shirt. New shirt. I love this one. Blue shirt. New shirt, blue shirt. Something borrowed something.

I would wear this today. Yeah. I would. I would. I would. I would. I would. Kevin Blutelt would do that.

On your Kevin. Yeah. On your Kevin. Yes. On your Mark, get set, terrible. That's just a plain good shirt. That's pretty dang good. This is an open and shut case. Okay, so can anyone else answer or? I agree with the messaging of the shirt, so I would agree.

The messaging is nothing. It means get set terrible. As if it's a bird. I've agreed with all the shirts so far. All right, well now I have to wait a whole calendar year to get this for Rochelle's birthday. This seems like something that is made by AI that is- For AI.

Yeah, that is so bad that it like works. You know? It's insane. I really like it. All right I mean asked and answered would you wear that you would. Ali you've said nothing about this shirt. I love the baby blue too. I think it could be really good if you were a track coach. Because that's how you're like nagging people into running faster. Yeah like I'm telling people at the starting line, terrible! They haven't even started yet.

That's terrible coaching. I feel like this is a Dr. Seuss line that has gotten lost. Yes. I was going to say it's like a podcast name from 2015, and they're sitting there and they're like, it's just a little too long. So they're trying to do get set terrible. Yeah. But that doesn't really work either. and they're sitting there and they're like, it's just a little too long. So they're trying to do get set terrible.

Yeah. But that doesn't really work either. And then he screams, what the fuck guys? And then they're like, wait, that could work. Hold on, hold on. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's the show. Sam.

You got another shirt here. I like my coffee hot and strong. Me and coffee equals twins. Sure. So basically this one confused me a lot. Very confusing. Lots of different fonts going. Some of it's cursive, some of it's impact.

Some of it's like a French bistro in Minnesota. Twins is like almost. Comic Sans. Posted six hours ago. Wait, what? Did you just follow this? Holy shit, dude. Same day, that's never happened on the show.

Usually people are pointing out that it's been like 500 weeks ago. Yeah, the other one was from like 2017 and this was earlier today. She really is modeling it to, shout out to Megan's underscore story. And she really does tell a story. I might throw her a like actually.

She's walking down the line. She's walking the line. No shade, a very specific photo shoot. Yeah, this is a lot of... This is a legitimately good shirt, and I would wear this this I guess if you're solving for the transitive property it's I like my me like are hot and strong or I like myself uh-huh well that'd be better grammar but if you truly are

subbing like for like it's I like me hot and strong it's two different ideas I like me hot and strong. It's two different ideas. It's like. Yeah. Which makes it good. I would wear that shirt. I like me hot and strong. Like I also like my coffee.

This is Kevin's like morning affirmations in the mirror. This is my New York Times crossword puzzle. It's just all the different ways you can make the sentence. You is wise. You is hot and strong. Putting the equal sign in different spots. Yeah. So would you wear that?

Yeah. I think these shirts are getting better. Out of all of them, this is the one I would wear. I think I would actually wear this. Everything so far, I would not wear other than this. Not even the police one? That one's my least favorite. It looks bad.

The message is the worst moving on Sam fuck what they think pure trash is what I'm assuming that says it's a garbage can Fuck is significantly better bigger than everything else and better. But it is funny that it says, fuck! And then underneath, what they think. And then a way too large logo for a shirt company we don't know about. Yeah. Five likes.

What's the caption? When you're too busy living your best life to care about opinions. That's it. Period. When you're too busy living your best life to care about opinions wear it loud wear it proud it's from a company I guess called pure trash tease Jesus Christ they paid for man yeah that's true all these likes are very low under 300 and then they have 97.6 thousand followers. What does that white one say? Okay.

This is pretty good. There's an alcoholic living in my mirror. Oh man, it's giving Father's Day shirts. Yeah, would you wear this? Let's start with Rochelle and we'll end there. I would love to wear this shirt. Well, don't speak like you're being held at gunpoint. No, I would. I'll wear it right now. Okay, okay. I agree with the messaging wear this shirt. Well, don't speak like you're being held at gunpoint. No, I would.

I'll wear it right now. Okay, okay. I agree with the messaging of this shirt. Never guess what to get Rochelle as a gift. It's always gonna be novelty tease. I don't like this one. Why? It's so similar to so many others we've seen

that you've loved. I don't like the text. If it was in Comic Sans, I't like it's so similar to so many others we've seen that you've loved I don't like the text if it was in Comic Sans. I would like like it was like Doing the opposite of what the impact is doing. I think fuck should be Fuck should be bigger and what they think should be way smaller I don't think fuck can get bigger than this Well, no, I think it can and Kevin wants us to start bleed on to the yeah Bleeding onto the sleeves. Yeah, it's gonna... Well, no, I think it can. And Kevin wants it to start bleed onto the... Yeah, armpits. ... wants it to start bleeding onto the sleeves.

Oh, that's a great idea. We're like, the F starts in the armpit and the K and so it's like, I think that shirt says fuck. You have to go like this? Yeah, yeah. Yeah. It only really reveals what it says when you yawn. Good night shirt.

Yeah. That's funny. Another night shirt. All right. Headgum should do a night shirt line. That's a good idea. Sam. What does it say? I have a glare on the screen from my angle too, by the way. Okay, let's have Amelia read these. All right, this says, in Dorsey,

but the letters are very colorful. And there's like black lines on the letters. And I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, Indoor Z. But the letters are very colorful. There's like black lines going through them for some reason. It looks cracked. It looks cracked. Could you read the caption on this one?

I feel like there's a story here. Yeah, there's not enough content. This is exactly a year ago. Ooh, good. Despite the fact that my therapist refuses to apologize to me for saying I could leave the house and nothing bad would happen to would happened to me I

Have persevered in honor of my recent misadventure with temporary blindness and vow to never leave my house again I present you with indoorsy t-shirts available in 12 colors unisex sizes extra small through 5x stay inside where it's safe 52 weeks ago And she's still there I hope her eyes are doing better I mean temporary seemingly she's fine She looks I just clicked on this person's Yeah Spattered facade and So I just clicked on this person's profile. This is at BespatteredFassad. And their description says, ruining trays in the forest outside Charleston.

Trays? They mean trees? Yeah, because the emoji is a tree, so I think she meant tree. Oh, this is like very very like Lisa Frank inspired art. That's really doing Lisa Frank dirty. Oh. Oh, okay. What a clusterfuck.

I like this. So maybe her trays are made out of wood. But why is she ruining them? Yeah. Ruining trays. She has an online shop, so guys, please go buy something from a spattered facade I would wear this because I want to support her. Yeah I like it because it looks like it could be like a gasp or no way like horror film title or something

Yeah, like a 24 fucking indoorsy All right Indoor Zee. The white one looks good. Alright. Is it coming out of there now? Yeah, now it's coming out of there. I will say, would you wear that? I like the one in white. You like Indoor Zee in white? Yeah. That one's cool. Rochelle? Yeah, that looks good. Great. Sam? I like the black one. I would wear it just cause it looks kinda cool. And the final shirt. Yes, I don the black one. I would wear it just because it looks kind of cool. And the final shirt.

I don't even need to read the text I would wear this. Why? Because of the M&M that's on it. It's M&M giving a face that's like, you know what I mean? And then what does the text say? The text says, I say I don't know, but sometimes I be knowing. I love this shirt.

I think it's you in this. Yeah, I already have an I love this shirt. I think it's you and this. Yeah, I already have an M&M shirt, so I gotta add that to the collection. You know, it reminds me of a piece of advice that Paris Hilton said once that I think about often, which is sometimes if you do something bad enough, if you do something bad enough enough times, they'll stop asking you to do it.

Not that I do that at work. That's good advice. That's good advice. That's what I've been told. There's a name for that. They'll stop asking you Would you wear this I Like it. I think it's funny. What are the other cringy teas? Cuz there's a company called cringy tees and says new cringy tea and The warehouse straight up forking it and my it haha. Well, let's just say my palates Personality I'm gonna call the Amelia birthday set

Amelia birthday set. Yeah. Oh, man. Can't talk, I'm mewing. This is the... There's no shirt that you can't get me to wear. Yeah. Purple shirt, blue emoji face, kind of like doing a duck face, which... He's mewing.

Okay. Can't talk, I'm mewing. Guys, that was... That was good. It was a lively segment. -♪ DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN D What a job. Smile. We'll be right back and Kevin and Rochelle might not be here. Guys, most edibles get you way too high, right? But not Loomy Gummies. Loomy Gummies make you feel just right. Consistent, mellow, and super delicious, Loomy Gummies are specifically designed to make you feel good, not stoned.

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And we're back. Welcome to our next segment! Which is called As soon as I can find the button That's just buying time There we go These headphones are so low They're...

You wanna swap? No. Guys, welcome to a segment I like to call Cut or Nah. Okay, I like it. Please don't be a circumcision segment. Little joke. We all edit podcasts. Mine is just this one.

But sometimes as podcast producers, you have to use your best judgment. Even when no instruction is given from the host, you should probably cut this thing that they said, right? Yep. You cannot look at the screen. Why not? Is it gonna be clips from our shows that you think should be cut?

That would have been funnier. And you raced you out think should be cut? That would have been funnier. And you raced your hat to cut that out. That would have been better. It is tough when the person pitches a really good one. Um, no, this is a list of things that I wrote that are things that hosts could do or say most of these hosts are on shows that you guys produce. Oh boy. So for example, what if Mike Mitchell said,

I'm not saying it's a permanent solution, but I do think every public school teacher in America should have a rifle at work. Cut or nah? I think it depends how it's said. Okay, so can you give us, let's have you give us a line read for where you're like, that's fine.

You know what I think? I think every public school teacher in America should have a rifle. That's really saying it with his chest. I would cut that. Rochelle, what do you think? I can stay. It's obviously ironic. I will leave it in and see what happens. Well, you just want the show to be over.

Yep. And why is that any? I will leave it in and see what happens. Well, you just want the show to be over. Yep. And last Saturday. You can focus on your Twitch. Yeah. Last Saturday. Kevin? I am leaving it, but I am bleeping rifle and then I am teasing at the beginning of the

episode. Something was cut from the episode. If you want to hear what it was, subscribe to the Patreon. That's funny. Getting a little bump. I get a little piece on the side, and all I had to do was beep one word. Holy shit. Wow.

That's the master right there. That's the chef, dude. She's the god. All right. What if Hayes Davenport said, I have an announcement. I'm really, really, really angry that Sean didn't ask me to be in his pickleball movie. Ooh, I'm 100% leaving it. But it's so fun to think about cutting stuff like mid-sentence.

Sure. I have an announcement. I'm really, really, really... Well, let me say it and you tell me where you're going to cut it. Okay. I have an announcement. I'm really, really, really angry that... Cut.

I mean, that's why they call him the chef. Allie, would you cut that? Uh, no, I think I'd leave it in. That one's kind of fine, honestly. Yeah. Yeah, it's a good one. Promo for the movie, ultimately. Yeah, and good content for the show in the moment. Yep. Kevin, are you kind of upset that you're not in the Dink?

I'll have to answer after I see it. Okay. Are you? I did audition for it. I know. Oh. I'm not upset. You're just not talking to me anymore.

Yeah, I didn't know you were going to be here, but here we go. What if you over... Okay, this is not something a host says, but during a record, you overhear from the other room on mic in the background Casey bragging about how Headgum has so few POC hosts. Casey! Sort of his Irish heritage coming into play. That's a real quote. Do you kind of EQ that out? Do you bump it up so he's finally fired and Rochelle can focus on her Twitch?

I'm leaving it, but I'm voice changing it because I'm curious if people can recognize it. Because I've done voice changing stuff and people can still guess who the person is just by their cadence. That's funny. And I'm wondering if people can tell Casey just by the pattern of his voice. That's really interesting. You're asking a lot of the audience. Yep, that's true. Is to even hear it in the background, decipher what their voice is saying, and then be like,

I can tell that the voice was modulated. Who could that be? Well, cadence-wise, it sounds like Dawn at you. Here's where I would fuck it up, though. I would go through all of that effort Like, I can tell that the voice was modulated. Who could that be? Cadence-wise, it sounds like Don at you. Here's where I would fuck it up, though. I would go through all of that effort of changing his voice, but I would leave in me saying, like, Casey, no. No.

No. No. No. No. I like how you phrased it, bragging. Yeah, that's funny. Like, an accomplishment. That's actually really funny.

Allie, would you leave that in um, I think I'd cut it out just because That seems like the right thing to do. Yeah, I'd probably And then I'd probably like to have a sidebar convo with him later. I'm like, hey, I just want to let you know And I think you need to examine your biases sure. Yeah And I think you need to examine your biases. Sure. Yeah. Amelia? That. I would do that. No, because if Ali hadn't said that, what were we gonna say before Ali said that? Rochelle? This is a moral dilemma because...

You hate the shit out of that. Casey got me this job, so I owe him a lot, but also I am a POC. So I don't know, I guess I leave it in. All laugh. All laugh. All laugh. All laugh. All laugh. All laugh.

All laugh. God his ass. All laugh. I owe him this job, so I'll leave it in. So you work on ****. You already asked who this is. Ali, you work on ****. Rochelle does.

Oh, is that Rochelle? Okay, so this one's just for Rochelle. Yeah. What if ****. ****. ****. ****. ****. ****. You need to cut that. I know. Okay, so this one's just for Rochelle. What if- You need to cut that. You actually need to cut that.

No, that one I put in here just to make you say that. That's awesome. Release. Jeff starts the episode with the shit and then beep and then his Patreon. Yeah, you gotta beep that out of the spirit of this. No, a lot of it is, Sam, do you work on beep?

Yeah, I work on beep. No, that's Rochelle. Rochelle. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, how the **** is in this town? I'm sorry, but we brushed it under the rug. Oh, Jack. I'm sorry, but we brushed it under the rug. Sam, what if Wayne Brady mocked the poor?

You haven't watched the show clearly. Because he does. That's funny. I would be shocked. And I would cut it. No, I hear he's an amazing person. I FaceTimed panicked Sam a couple days ago. Yeah Because he turns the reverb on For right now for Wayne Brady. Oh, yeah, I heard about this and it did not turn off

And so Rachel Billson was talking to Ali and AJ and just had this crazy Reverb on her voice. Are you talking about Ali Khan and someone else or Ali and AJ the band? Ali's a fan. Ali and AJ the band? No, Ali's a fan. Ali and AJ, the pop sister duo. That's insane! And Rachel. Were you recording?

I think, yeah, I think I was. And I FaceTimed Sam, I was like, Sam, how you turn this off, how you turn this off? I saw that on the calendar, and I was wondering if it was the Ali and AJ. Yeah, it was. They were really cool. That, the reverb was on for a Headgun Podcast record, and I really wanted to leave it was. That's really cool. That, the reverb was on for a Headgun Podcast record and I really wanted to leave it on. It is funny.

Yeah. I could show everyone how to turn it off right now if they need to. What if Matt Apodaca casually started using the C word? Cool. Cunt? No. Which word? Yeah, that one. Would you cut that or would you? It's also an inflection thing.

It depends how he says it. Yeah. Because if he was like, Sandra Bullock's a cunt. The hell? The episode starts again. But if he said, Sandra Bullock is so cunt, that's different. The Gold Open is just Rochelle saying that. Yeah.

I'm like, what the hell? I'm like, what the hell? I'm like, what the hell? I'm like, what the hell? I'm like, what the hell? I'm like, what the hell? I'm like, what the hell? I'm like, what the hell?

I'm like, what the hell? I'm like, what the hell? I'm like, what the hell? I'm like, what the hell? I'm like, what the hell? I'm like, what the hell? I'm like, Sandra Bullock is so cunt, that's different. The gold open is just Rochelle saying that? Yeah. What the hell? Rochelle, do you ever say Rochelle, yeah?

What? Why are you mad? Rochelle, yeah? It's like hell yeah. No, I've actually never, that's never crossed my mind before. The one t-shirt she won't crossed my mind You never been this angry I'm like knowing you vaguely for like three years. You've never been like what the fuck are you saying? I don't like it Because you have cool nicknames already that's well like what ranch

Ranch show I guess we don't know each other. I don't think I've had more than two conversations with you. No, that's cool. I was gonna say that way. Yeah, and you're like, I prefer it that way. What would you nickname me? Clem. Kim Joffrey.

Did anyone call you that? No, but anytime I get into a Lyft and they're like, for Joffrey, I feel like an asshole. Like, I didn't choose. Yeah, it's like Bartell. Yeah. Leprecie. Leprecie James.

That's a really good callback. What if Jesse Klein kept appealing to get sponsored by Shee-in? I think it's Shee-in. Shee-in. Shee and Shine, I've heard both. Yeah. What if Jesse Klein kept appealing to get sponsored by Shine, Shein, by saying,

the faster the fashion, the more cash for Mommy. Ooh. It's tough when it's a good hook. I think that would make a good shirt. And yes, I would wear it. That's cool. I would only approve it if AI was gonna do the ad room Alli what do you say to that? I mean, what is there to say to that?

Um, I think that cash for mommy could be something. Yeah, so The second related to this or just separate? I just feel like maybe as a tagline and as a catchphrase, cash for mommy. I don't know. There's something. What would it be outside of this context? I mean, the possibilities are endless. Right. What are you talking about?

Anytime I ask for anything, it could just be cash for mommy. Enough with daddy, right? Right. So like submitting an invoice. Cash for mommy. Yeah. Oh, man. We should do that next month. Yeah, LLC. Yeah, you guys actually all... You know, your invoices.

If you do that and put Katie on it too and don't explain why. Cash for mommy. That's funny. What if Weiger said he was going on a hunger strike for charity? but then on Mike, you kept hearing him sneak little bites of soup. That's staying in a hundred percent. And he was really on a soap box about it. He's like, Mitch, you go ahead. You're going to have to be having these chain restaurants

reviews. Like I'll just go along with whatever you say. That's staying in. It would be a whole argument. And yeah, that's staying in. They're like a single shot of Mitch along with whatever you say. That's staying in. It would be a whole argument. And yeah, that's staying in. They're like a single shot of Mitch, but you hear chewing. Yeah, exactly.

It's so funny too. I really like that. Rochelle? Yeah, keep it in. For the Rochelle, yeah thing. This last one's not worth saying. I saw a little bit of it. That was.

Amelia, what did it say? Cut or nah. I saw Mark Maron. That one was what if Mark Maron guessed it on one of your guys's shows and kept saying things like, this isn't how a podcast is supposed to go, it's all supposed to be in a garage. And he kept hammering the point home,

Grace, you have to cut this. That would really work for a handbook. That's funny. We have booked him before. On what? Sense is working overtime. That makes sense. Yeah.

You know I used to have a beat for that. Yeah, yeah. Did you? Fuck it, Just move on. Cut it. No, keep it but let's move on. Guys, do you prefer mixed audio or mixed race? Don't make me choose. I can see all of these so I know what's coming. I'm just gonna...

Thank god Casey's not here. Guys, which has helped you more in life? Adobe Creative Suite or prayer? Prayer because it's cheaper. A little joke about the price. Ally, how long have we been going? 49. Perfect.

Halfway there. Halfway to the break. Guys, would you want your hourly rate to increase to $100 per hour? But during every record you produced, you had a one in 10 chance of being intensely public and sorry, you guys cut that out. I liked the area. Guys would you want your hourly rate to increase to $100 an hour, but during every podcast record you produced, you had a one in 10 chance of being intensely publicly embarrassed.

Only if I had no ads. No ass? No ads and ass. Only if you had no ads. I'd wanna see a preview of what the embarrassment is gonna be. Yeah, what kind of embarrassment are we talking? It's like really, really bad.

It's like the shit you don't want even the people closest you to know about. Like a secret's revealed? Not necessarily secrets, but like people pointing out your deepest insecurities. What if you don't have any? You don't have any insecurities? I wasn't talking about me,

I was talking about everyone else. What the hell? Yeah, clearly I don't know the story. We all do. Maybe not Rochelle. I'll take the money. I'll take $100 for 300 Alex. I'll take the cash from mommy. I'll take the money I'll take the public embarrassment, but you could keep my rate the same. I don't need the money. That's the worst

Okay, well Ali because you said yes, what about a thousand dollars an hour, but it's a one in four chance You know what fuck it yolo, baby sure, I Would you take a close to chef Kevin territory God is God his ass God his ass well he got our ass, rather. God? Yeah, God got his ass. This is royalty free. God created the police. This is... I would take the thousand dollars an hour for the one in four chance. That's a lot.

Three hours of work. Would you get fired if it was a bad public humiliation so you wouldn't get to keep working anyway? Yeah, like what if it was a Jeffrey Tubin? Ooh, that's a good nickname for you. What? What is Jeffrey Tubobin? Oh, Jeffrey Toobin got in trouble for, he was a journalist, right? He was at the New Yorker.

What did he do? He, so it was during the pandemic. Lockdown, baby. And they were in a Zoom meeting and he didn't. All hands. He didn't. Oh, is this bad? Yes, oh yes!

That was good. That was good. He didn't realize his camera was still on and he started't... All hands. He didn't... Oh, is this bad? Yes, howie, yes! That was good, that was good. He didn't realize his camera was still on and he started jerking off. And he got fired. But he's still working now, so take the money. Okay, yeah. That's insane.

You have to call this episode producer all hands. That's funny. No, I don't mean that. I mean like your insecurities, not... Sure. Sexually... Sexual debency. What, guys, what role should luck play in scheduling?

Zero. Great question. Wait, Jeff, can you turn down the spa music a little? The music is so loud. I can't even hear you talking. He hit it once. He hit it once. Sure, I'll turn it up. You turn it back up?

20%. It's crescendoing right now. That's just the mix, I'm sorry. I can't go back and edit that. To me, it is like a 90-10 thing given the day of the week. If it's 90% luck or 90% skill. That's awesome. Yep, so.

I love it. Allie? I guess scheduling is always a little bit of luck. A wing and a prayer. I love that my whole fucking job is just scheduling 60, 70 hours, just being like nine people's assistants is a really fun thing that I really enjoy. Sorry, Kevin, you're actually doing a Kevin's Druthers.

Sorry, sorry, sorry. Which is like a different segment. Sorry. Kevin's Druthers is a segment? Blank's Druthers, it could be like Michelle's Druthersers but I fear what she would say like I think we're using it wrong it's a little prissy thing guys in terms of ethnicity. Guest in terms of ethnicity. Okay, beep this.

Well, you're like, well, number one has to be. He said number one white. Yeah. Oh God, what's his name? Casey? No, the guy on Casey, yeah, that's fine. No, the fuck, Tim, Tim Baltz? Oh yeah. If you rank him number one. I know you're a white

Rules I love Tim what medications are you currently on you asked us last time Celsius Are you asking everybody? Well? Yeah, we already know yours. I take magnesium glycinate to go to bed take magnesium glycinate to go to bed. That's great, but that's a supplement. That's not a supplement. Well, that's it. That's all I got. What about previously? You don't wanna know.

I took like an acid reflux medication when I was young that is no longer on the market. Whoa. Whoa. It tasted like- Bubble gum. Bananas that have been doused in citric acid. Hmm, lovely. Are you refluxing right now? No.

Guys, should- You're giving reflux. Everybody cracks up. What the hell? Refluxy. Guys, should courthouses have a drive-through? Oh, yeah. Yes.

Yeah. Okay. Have you ever apologized for being you? Uh, that once. I apologize for being human. Say, I'm sorry I'm human. When I do something very preventable and stupid, I go, sorry I'm human. Can you do it with no irony?

Sorry I'm human. That's, yeah. My, going off of that, my latest that I've been doing is I'm sorry that was like a past Version of myself that I don't associate with anymore. I don't I don't agree with what she did and I don't stand by it. I like that blaming it on past alley Yeah, she's wrong, but me here now. I'm with you Don't you think that's evading responsibility a little bit by kind of separating it into two entities. One that's like, well, that was her. I'm holding her accountable.

And then in turn, I'm holding myself accountable and going forward. Different version of myself. You don't even recognize me. I'm so much better than you even thought I could be. You should be a prosecutor. Kevin, tell us why you think. Because he's in Hollywood. That's really good. Plugs, what do you guys have going on?

What do you want to point the people towards? This has been the OOPSAL producers episode. Thanks for having us. Plugs, what do you guys have going on? What do you want to point to people towards? The floor is yours. Let's start with Amelia. Let's see.

You can follow me on Instagram at Skidmark4. You can follow or listen to the Dough Boys podcast. We're on YouTube, Spotify, wherever. You can listen to Gareth's new podcast that Kevin works on. I was a guest on it. Amelia's Irregular comes out June 5th. June, yes. And Gareth is really funny.

You should check that out. And also, this came out a little while ago, but I have on, you could catch it on YouTube. I worked, I executive produced and wrote and acted in this like variety sketch shows starring Poppy, the musician Poppy. Very cool. It's called Improbably Poppy.

That's insane. Yeah, it's on Veeps and it's on YouTube. It's free on YouTube, so just check it out there. And yeah, that's it. Very cool. That's great. Sam, Rochelle? You can follow me at twitch.com slash yard underscore underscore sard so I can stop working

at head gum. Twitch.tv. Twitch.tv. Whoops. That's right. What are you playing right now? We're going to spin a wheel. I don't know yet.

We're done. We're done with the game. I just finished You should play like NBA 2k 23 Will you come on my twitch I yeah if you do a my career and you create Rochelle Chen It's like you did that mean your own character Rochelle. It is so weird. They've created like hyper specific careers now in these sporting games. And it's like, like for the football game, you do the my career mode. And it's like you agree to a charity event, but Nike wants to have a meeting with you in Hawaii. It's like it's all moral conundrums.

It's like podcast simulator. It's all trolley problems. It's podcast simulator. We play football. Oh, you don't. No, you kinda, like the football's like a commercial break and then they throw moral conundrums at you. That's really funny.

It's bizarre. Wow, I need this. I would love to come on your Twitch. You've never invited me. You're saying this like I've evaded it. Well, I'm sorry for being me That rocks Don't listen to any of the shows I work on but you can watch my vlog on YouTube

Just type in Kevin Bartelt. I do a podcast production vlog. It's a lot of fun and very therapeutic. Check it out. Well, you should say the last episode you did was you going to Guitar Center to get like a mic stand and you were like screaming at an employee. Well, I deserve a discount. You said, don't you know who I am? I'm Chef Kevin. Go to the Instagram.

No, the other one. Yeah, a lot of that stuff. But thanks, man. Anything you'd like to plug host of the show Sam Over here. No, I'm just kidding. My band guck is has a record coming out On 3 1g records check it out now on our records nice records Yeah, you can listen to Wayne Brady and Jesse and Liz's show I'll be here.

Ali? And then you can also follow me on Twitch at Twitch.tv slash gluing shit on paper. Is that correct? You're going live tonight, right? 6pm? Yep, 6pm. Wow. Not when this episode comes out, but do you go live on Fridays?

Yeah, I've been doing Friday night live streams. So if you're watching this on a Friday, check it out. And if you're watching it on a Monday, check it out. 6pm Pacific. Really? I'm trying to do five days a week, sometimes weekends. I love it. Let's go. So if you're watching this on a Friday check it out and if you're watching it on a Monday I'm trying to do five days a week sometimes weekends. I love it. Let's go look at all these streamers Everyone's trying to it's fun. Hey rent get the phone I think I want to hop on the stream train. I've been thinking about it for a while You would kill yeah, you should they would love I guys for advice I would play video games. I would play Bellatro because I'm obsessed with Bellatro Yes, I would play I would um yeah do stuff like that

Maybe maybe a man on the street stuff could be fun go like walk around Universal City What's the show called um Kevin, Kevin's Druthers. Skidmark Five. Skidmark Five is good though. Yep. And you can follow me on Instagram at Jeffrey James on TikTok. Oh!

Oh! Oh! Oh! Hey, I'm Tony Hale. I'm Matt Oberg. And I'm Kristin Schall. And we're going to be hosting the new podcast, The Extraordinarians, where we are going to be interviewing extraordinary people, doing extraordinary things, things that we have never and probably will never do.

We talk to people who have broken records on slacklines suspended by hot air balloons. We're talking to people who have done multiple flips on trampolines. You'll have to tune in to find out how many flips they did. Subscribe to Extraordinarians on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, Pocket Casts, or wherever you get your podcasts. And watch me. God. In three.

Watch it on the YouTube. There's new episodes that we release every Wednesday. We do. I've never seen you cry before. I know. I don't know how I feel about it. This is upsetting for all of us. They don't let us break for lunch.

They do. The podcast is so competitive, they make you just talk and talk. Guys, we're watching a spin out. Please subscribe. Oh man. Extraordinarians.