The Headgum Podcast - 258: Worst Episode Ever 8

Episode Date: June 6, 2025

Storm warning! Allie, Brad, and Amir join Geoff for a spiritual vote of no confidence episode, where they play Would You Cook That, and New Names For You!» FOLLOW Geoff on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/geoffreyjames/» FOLLOW Amir on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/amir/» FOLLOW Allie on Twitch: https://www.twitch.tv/gluingshitonpaper/» FOLLOW Brad's band on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/jacquelinehyde.band/Rate The Headgum Podcast 5-stars on Apple PodcastsRate The Headgum Podcast 5-stars on SpotifyJoin the Headgum DiscordSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a Headgum Original. McCrispy strips are now at McDonald's! Tender, juicy, and its own sauce! Would you look at that? Well, you can't see it, but trust me, it looks delicious! New McCrispy strips, now at McDonald's! Previously on the Headgum Podcast. Bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, I'm a little masculine. That's true. I was just talking to Joel saying that I met somebody who went to his high school and I went out with like a vague new friend and his friends last weekend. And I was a little nervous. I was like, I don't know what your friends are like. And then they were all like sensitive boys. And we actually got into shit. We actually got into it. We talked about our family dynamics and like how our, you know,

childhood shaped our nowadays. What's that? Back at it again on a wet Tuesday. All right, there's fat Tuesday and then there's stopping Tuesday. It is thunderstorming. Oh, What? I thought you were going to go audio only, which was like a huge relief to me. Why? It just looks like a crayon threw up all over your home office.

A crayon? Yeah. It's like crayon, but a syllable. It's it's just sometimes it's a little distracting. This is bizarre. It's pouring rain right now. Thunderstorm, a rare, very rare. It was hailing by me. I want to just go outside and try to hail a cab. So because it's thunderstorming, you're going to step outside and just wave your hand and hope a car picks you up.

Yeah, I kind of want to like turn it into like this crazy moment where like I want to take my luggage outside and like look for an Uber or something like get caught in the rain. It's more exciting that way. Maybe like show a little ankle. Yeah, exactly. Make a piña colada. So you're gonna walk outside in Capris. And getting caught in the rain. Oh, I got it.

If you like making love at midnight. No? No, I'm with you. Lightning and the thunder. That was crazy. This is so bizarre afternoon. It's climate change personified. A bunch of East Coasters are like, yeah, that's normal. But it's not normal to us. Damn it. Let alone in June. Is this crazy? Jeff could be a good weatherman. I'm

listening to you report about this storm and I'm on the edge of my seat. It's like I've never seen rain before. We're looking at late evening, early morning showers. So while you're at home snuggled in bed, animals will be struck by lightning and become dead. Oh my God. My Bond of the Week is Donald Trump. I don't think I've ever chosen him. It's Bond Donald Trump. I don't think I've ever chosen him. It's Bond-old Trump. Because I feel like this is the only job he'd give the presidency up for.

Already he's selling shit coins with his body like all jacked. That's what I was worried Brad was gonna think. Yeah, he can do it all. I already have a hard enough time with him being in Home Alone 2 Lost in New York, which how often do you watch that once a year? Of course. Bond of the Week, anybody? Guys, you got to get the energy up.

Amir showed up with this like sour, poisonous, rainy day energy. I'm trying to get it up. It's a it's a tough start. It's a tough start to be sure. Ali's trying her hardest. Brad and Amir, let's match her. I've got one. Speaking of thunder, let's go with Shay Gilgis Alexander, Canada's own.

Who? Lightning and the thunder. Amir? Steve Zahn. Who is that? Steve Bond. I love that. Who's Steve Zahn?

Season one of White Lotus. Zahn Wan. That's really good. And he is a Don Juan. Exactly right. So which is he? Bond or Don Juan? He's gonna be all of that? He's a Don Juan James Bond Zon. He's a Zon Bond that's a Don Juan Mon.

He's a Zon John Juan James Bond Mon. Lot of Zins in, right? Yeah, I have a chewing tobacco allergy. So, Ali. My street is flooding. I have to go outside and rescue things. Like, this is too much moisture too fast. What's best?

Ali? Oh my gosh. My Bond of the Week is Lightning McQueen. Why is that? Kachel. Because I think it would be funny if there was sort of a Pixar crossover. He's a car in London. He has to figure out the other side of the road. Also, he has a new job.

You want Bond to be a car in London. An American car in London. So he meets with Q and instead of getting gadgets, he is a gadget. They can only meet in the garage. And he kind of runs out of gas halfway through the movie. It was not raining an hour ago. I was so ready to do this episode and now it's... It's really throwing you.

It feels like a snow day, yeah. Maybe the word of the day will get Amir to smile and participate. What is it? It's biolumineshaft. I don't know. I don't know. I don't want to know. Okay. Moving on to.

No, it's when it's when in a dark room your glands glow just so. Yeah. Yeah. Brad, this made me think of you. Just wanted to get this out of the way. All right. Or you're excited to see what it is? It depends on what it is.

Okay. I saw this and I was like, that's totally Brad. Okay. Yeah. That's totally Brad. OK, yeah, not excited for that. Yeah, do you want to explain this for the listener, the audio listeners? Yeah, it's a skull masked man. Sure. Very dimly lit. Of course. And it says I learned to get up as I fell and I got up.

And as I got up, I realized that I had no one. Hashtag call of duty. Hashtag MW3. Hashtag sad. Hashtag ghost. So I just saw that on my Instagram. Explore. Think of me. Why? I was like, oh, my God, I should I should text Brad.

And you didn't. You invited me on a podcast and that's better. That's better. It's more intimate. That's true You got up and you had three Co-workers Wow chat now. I'm no longer hashtag sad slash call of duty I would say we had had no way taking a photo of the zoom. Got it. Yeah. Powering through. Not sure. That's not the right thing. Oh, here we go.

I don't think you're sharing audio anymore. Yep. New novel title. Cowardly Little Bean. It's set in a dystopian future and under the an off It's set in a dystopian future under an author or a terror You good. Okay, try again You want to start the whole thing from the top? Yeah, let's go for it New novel title

cowardly little bean Set in a dystopian future and under an authoritarian world state, Cowardly Little Bean tells the story of a little bean man named Amir Blumenfeld, who was raised outside of the world state in a savage reservation at . No.

No. No. No, no, no. When our hero, Brad, brings Amir to London, he cowers and conforms to the new autocratic norms. It's a short book. So it's kind of one of those situations where it's not titled after the protagonist, because I'm the hero. It's kind of like a Kill Bill. It's sort of like a Kill Bean. Kill Bean. It's sort of like a shrill little cowardly bean.

Got it. Obviously all characters are fictitious and any similarities to those living or dead is an accident, is awesome. What did you mean by savage reservation? Amir's house. Which was... Kind of...

I was going to say, yeah. Got it, yeah. Thanks for reminding me to make sure I said it. Yeah, because it's just like you haven't really conformed to the world state just yet, because you've been living in your house, not really leaving. And that ultimately becomes, even

though your behavior would be similar to that of this zoom savagery. According to the world state, does that make sense? No. Then let's let's beat this to a pulp until you get the idea of the book. It's Cowardly Little Bean starring Amir Blumenfeld, but it's not based on you. It's more of like a guy who reached some sort of internet fame, started a podcast network.

He lives not according to the dystopia and the norms thereof. He lives outside of the conventions of the world state on a savage reservation. At. At. At. At.

Until finally. Say that again. Stop it. I just feel like you I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't dox a mirror. I'll say it once, I'll say it again. I don't know. And this is like, I don't know.

Is that, is, can those, is that bad? Yes, it's bad. Is doxing bad? No, I'm not, no, I'm not talking about that. What are you talking about? I'm talking about Savage Reservation. Oh. Oh.

Well, I'm not talking about like a native culture. I'm talking about a Mears house. I know, but it sounds off. Yeah. Thinking about it more, I think that would be great. I'm just telling you now what we're in it. I don't know if you could say Savage Reservation. Yeah, I get that.

You should do. As you have. As a test to kind of like the YouTube censorship, you should title this episode Savage Reservation. Yeah, I get that. What I think you should do, often as you have. As a test to kind of like the YouTube censorship, you should title this episode Savage Reservation. Savage Reservation, yeah. And see what happens. It's, this was- Sort of chum the waters a little bit.

Sort of chum the Wamba. Those weren't really my words, so I didn't put a lot of thought into it. This is sort of a parody of- I'm assuming it's chat GVT. It partially was. It's a parody of Brave New World. And in that book they call it a Savage Reservation.

Okay, so then that's, yeah, then that answers my question. Which was? Why? Why the whole idea of the book, or why was I using the word? Just why. Cowardly little bean. And it, you know what?

Fine, it is about a mirror. Obviously. No, obvious. That's a huge drop. My address is. Basically, your house is outside of autocratic norms in this new sort of, I want to say world state where what's normal, you bend towards. You don't put up a fight whatsoever. Making you

kind of a cowardly little bean. Bean, yeah. The world's a stage or stage or something. Well, all the world's a stage, but also in this book that I might write, and it is short, all the world would be a state. Wow. Remember Courage, the cowardly dog?

I was just thinking about that too. That show was so scary. It was great though. He had a hole in his tooth. Remember that? Yes. Welcome to. This episode has been extra bad. A lot of them are bad.

Would you cook that? The name of the game is Would you cook that? The name of the game is Would You Cook That? I'm gonna list out a bunch of that. I'm gonna list out a bunch of recipe titles. Something you might see on an NYT cooking, something you might see in an Alison Roman book. And you guys tell me based off the title of the recipe alone,

if you would cook that. Okay. Lentil rubbed filet of sole. Yes. No. Yes. No. Amir, you would?

Yeah. It's not like filet of sole grilled with a bunch of lentils underneath. It's you rub the sole with lentils and then you grill it without lentils. Lemon placard chicken. Vegetarian. Why is that? Don't eat chicken. You need to eat fish. Yeah. Okay, don't eat chicken. Okay. You do eat fish

Yeah Allie lemon placard chicken. I don't know what a plaque. I don't know what placard is. It would be like on your desk It's like it would say Allie calm And it's a lemon colored flavored. Yeah, that sounds awesome. Amir flavored. Yeah that sounds awesome. Amir? I'm not a huge fan as lemon as a flavor. Okay but it wouldn't bother you that part of the dish is a placard? Yeah that part's fine. Ginger ale salmon bites. I like that. Sounds disgusting. It's basically learning that Ali and I have very different tastes. Ginger ale mixed with flour and reduced into a thicker sauce. Drizzle beer batter. Yeah, I was going to say a toss in a way.

It's obviously difficult. I can't get a word in edgewise on this pod. There's no rhythm around. I was going to say. You sort of grounded the conversation to a halt. I grounded the plane of the Hudson because I feel like I'm saving lives by doing this. Okay, Sully. Who's that?

Nevermind. All right, what about goose caught in a turbine of a plane cooked on the Hudson? I probably wouldn't eat that. I probably wouldn't cook that. In a thaw. That's a thawed sauce. So part of the recipe is to make the sauce ahead of time and freeze it so that you can thaw it later. Halibut on a bed of rice shavings.

So a grain of rice, even tinier? Yeah. A couscous of sorts. It's not a couscous. If it was, I would have said couscous. It's rice shavings. Or our couscous rice shavings. Or are couscous rice shavings? Does anyone else get really tired when they do this show? Like, the energy drains from my bones. You make me need a nap. Charleston Chew style barbecue burnt ends.

I think you're onto something with this one. This is the first good idea I've heard. Ever. Since we started. Are you sure? Cause it's gum on barbecue ribs. Wait, oh no. Is that what Charleston Chew is?

Charleston Chew. On a rib, now I feel like I'm misunderstanding I'm like how you can I'm thinking big league chew. Yeah Charleston chew style So there's like a chocolate in the barbecue sauce Or that's now we're talking. Yeah, okay. I misunderstood and I guess the idea that I thought you were saying I love What about Charleston chew style barbecue burnt ends? What about them? Would you cook that?

No. I feel, I'm feeling crazy. This sucks. Do you guys like? This sucks. Do you guys? This sucks. What about chicken zoodle stew? The fuck are you doing? Would you have that?

Would you cook it? Are these? Sure. Are you making up these recipes? No. Oh, I made them up, but I wrote them earlier. Oh, okay. So yeah, the answer is yes.

That's not a yes, but situation. You made them up. Would you cook chicken zoodle stew? No. It's like the first time you've ever yelled at me and that's what you say. Pretty tame. You wasted it. What about asparagus cleanse juice? Spare what?

Asparagus cleanse juice. Spare my gut? No. That was... Would you cook that? No, we're not even close to done. What about wrinkled spinach? It is a little wrinkled already when you cook it.

Yeah, wilted spinach. Not wilted. Not wilted, wrinkled. I've never really thought about this before, but you're really a guy who says what he means. And there's no deviation. You're stubborn and wrong, which is like a bad combination. And you mean what you say. I'm sort of ambitious towards my own ends, but the means aren't justified at all.

The burnt means. Those charred and chew. Charred, scallion, citrus, soy, tire. Now did you come up with this stuff earlier or later? We went over that. You want me to marinate a tire and sort of a citrus chard, scallion, soy. Yeah. Yeah.

Would you put on the grill? I don't know why there's these like long pauses when I pitch the recipes. It's like the game is would you cook that? So the answer is yes or no. The answer is no. And I think there's a gap because it's like cognitively, my brain is not understanding the words you're saying, even though three out of four of them are food things.

Call me Jartha Stewart. Why? Cause I'm cooking up a storm. My God, I love her. Cause it's thundering. Did you guys see her documentary on Netflix? I saw the first half. It's really, you should watch, keep watching.

Did you see the part where she cut? So you liked it. Well, they had him in the first half. He's not even gonna lie. Wait, so you didn't even see her go to jail. You gotta keep watching. Yeah, I was curious to lie. Wait, so you didn't even see her go to jail. You've got to keep watching. Yeah, I was curious where she came from, like what her background was. And then it got all the way up to like the jail.

And I'm like, OK, I think I know everything I wanted to know. But I guess I could learn about her jail time. What about a really before that? Because what about a really well grilled rib eye dipped in diet? Dr. Pepper and wine. That sounds, I guess, fine. Ultimately, you're still eating a ribeye. Yeah, I mean, compared to a tire.

I've heard of people who are like, oh, my secret ingredient in the marinade is a little bit of Dr. Pepper or something like that. Yeah. You know the flavor bubble gum? Like something can be bubble gum flavored? Yeah. What is that flavor? Like bubble gum bubble gum flavored. Yeah. What is that flavor?

Like bubble gum is a thing. Yeah. The flavor that they give it. If we want to be here for like an hour and a half, we can continue on these kind of side quests that Amir is sending us. The side quests are the only interesting part of this game. Everything else is you steamrolling us with weird puns

about food and tires. I'm just saying you have two options. That's the first one. The second one is you answer whether or not you would cook a tuna salad sandwich wrapped spare. It's actually a sweet fruity taste that's hard to pinpoint to a single fruit or spice. It's a blend of artificial flavors, often esters,

to create a unique fruity profile. Yeah, it's like strawberry, banana, cherry. Some brands might not even be comfortable. Esters to create a unique profile. Yeah Some It's kind of an amalgamation of all sorts of flavors. I know it came from Chicago. I believe the first tire. Yeah, it's a dumb lap. It's a dumb lap wrapped in tuna salad. I love how Bazooka has those little comics. You could figure out which salad you want. Like vanilla sometimes. Every type of candy should have its want. Like vanilla, sometimes.

Every type of candy should have its own comic strip attached to it. I appreciate something to read. Yes, exactly. Did you guys even hear what the dish was about would you cook that? It's a tuna salad sandwich wrapped spare. Yeah. Yeah. I'd cook that.

Aw, Jeff. What about plantain chips with a dip made from a Subaru boxer engine? Are you saying that because it's pride? We're gone. We're gone. I guess it could be that. What about that? What about Listerine Strip Crusted Halibut? That could be good. What about Menthol Plackard Chicken? Plackard again.

Oh yeah. Like, what about garbage, placard, garbage? Yeah, that doesn't fucking matter. Blank, placard, blank. Hot dog, water, hard-boiled eggs. Are you still using your ice cream making thing? Every day. Wait, really?

You're still all in, right? I mean, maybe not every day, but five days out of the week probably, yeah. Wow, you haven't tried that. 59 grams of protein, Strauss chocolate milk mixed with centenarius nutrition protein. out of the week probably. Wow, you haven't checked that. 59 grams of protein, Strauss chocolate milk mixed with centenarius nutrition protein. You know Marty got one, right?

Because I told him to. And how long does it take you to make your ice cream start to finish? Well, you gotta freeze the shit overnight. 12 hours even is usually fine. From the moment you pull it out of the freezer to the moment you get that first spoonful, that dollop of Strauss,

four and a half minutes. Oh my God. How long does it take you to see gains from the protein? I mean, I'm mainly looking for losses. You're pretty thin. Not really. Yeah. Guys, what about placard crusted root beer Hawaiian barbecue tires? Guys, how many times do you want me to say placard crusted? At least two more. What about powdered sugar snap peas? Fun

What about catorce leches? So that's sweetened condensed milk Evaporated milk whole milk and then engine oil from a Subaru boxer engine Because of pride because of pride What about bottomless medicine can't believe they're still going. How many did you have? How many of these? I want, I think the steak one was fine

and the lentil one was good. Pistachio crusted branzino fillet. This sounds more real. That sounds amazing. What about honey roasted, honey roasted peanut crusted placard? What the placard? It's so funny.

It's like, I actually have every single one of Alison Roman's cookbooks and I cook from them all the time. So I was waiting to recognize something and then. I said chard scallion, citrus soy. That's a sauce she has. It's really good if you haven't had that. The scallion, yeah.

She puts it on salmon, but you can put it on anything. Like say a spare. Tires. What is a spare? A spare tire. Now you got me screaming. Let's just take a fucking, let's take a break. We'll gather it, and the latter half is gonna bring the heat.

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Do you guys believe in Nomad of Destiny? Let's start there. Like if your name... If your name is Kyle, you're a Kyle. Yeah, if you're named Chad, you're gonna end up being a Chad. If your name is Banker, you're gonna end up working on Wall Street. Do you guys believe in that? Yeah.

Okay, great. I don't feel like a Brad. No. You don't, Allie? No. I don't feel like a Brad. No. You don't, Allie? No, I don't believe in that. Wow. So you think if you named your, like, if you had a son and you named him Rex, he's not going to like drive a lifting pickup truck?

He's not going to grow up to be a dinosaur. What do you think he's going to be? Yeah, Tyrannosaurus. If you name your kid Tyrannosaurus, he's not gonna be bipedal. Um, I guess he would be bipedal, huh? Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh uh, this is not that dissimilar from Would You Cook That. From the makers of Would You Cook That comes New Name For You. This is a list of names.

What about New Name Who Dis? comes new names for you this is a list of names new name who dis oh my god fucking loser can't take a note this is new names for you basically I going to list out a bunch of awesome names that if you do believe in Nomad of Destiny, might make you a little different of a person would you have had that name. Let's start with Lucas. Basically- It's my nephew's name.

Oh, okay. So do we want the segment to turn into like boring facts about Brad's family or can it be about new names for you? Probably be more interesting Just basically chime in if any of these names spark joy within you where you're like, I wouldn't have mind I wouldn't mind having been Lucas I'm not having been Lucas. I'm not really a Lucas. It's not Jewish enough.

What about Benny? Now we're talking. I like Benny, though it's my brother's name, so I probably wouldn't have been named that either. I would have been a Ben if I was a boy. There you go. I noticed Amir said it was his brother's name and you didn't kind of just fucking jump down his throat.

Well, I feel like I said the- I said as much as I can and now that, you know, the whole thing is off the rails, which I actually don't blame him for, I blame you for. Hmm. Well, my nominative destiny, I could have been a Benny, but I chose a different path. What about Elliot then?

Oh, Elliot's a sick name. I like it. What about Frankel? Like Bethany? Elliot then. Oh Elliot's a sick name. I like it. What about Frankel? Like Bethany? I wish it was like Bethany. This one's a whole different Frankel. EL or LE?

Uh EL. I'm out. And it's a first name? Yeah. I like it. What about what about Kincaid, Washington? Great. That one's like hyphenated, obviously. KW are like Carl Anthony.

Yeah, exactly. What do you think? Not for me. What about Barry? I like Barry. I could be a Barry. Ali. I like Barry. I could be a Barry. Allie? Uh, like B-A-R-R-Y? Yep. It's not for me, but I support. What about Liza?

Like Minnelli? What about Jackson? You're not letting us ask or talk. Nothing meaningful is coming out of any of the names you're saying. We're trying to turn it into fun stories or conversation. It's shit, throw it at the wall, let's see what sticks. Lee said it didn't spark any joy.

Yeah, but these worlds have to be. What about Liza? Yes or no? What about Mars? You're asking us yes or no questions. I'm wondering if it's Liza with a Z. You're not allowing us to expand at all. Boom, it's Liza with a Z. You're not allowing us to expand at all. Boom, boom.

Liza with a Z. Fucking freeze. Lars then. Pietra. Pietra. You're not listening to the feedback. I don't want my name to be Lars. For the sound good.

It doesn't have to be. Add that to the sound mix thing. That's a new sound booth. It doesn't have to be. Add that to the sound mix thing. That's a new sound alert! What about Mort? Oh, you know what? I really wanted to name a dog Morton high school. I wanted like a big bulldog, like Adam Sandler has and name him, and name him more. Like that's cool.

That was my dream at a point. What about you ball though? Sounds like that would hurt my feelings. Gail. I'm not Gail. Sounds like that would hurt my feelings. Gale? I'm not. Gale? Gale? Is that you?

David? I'm not a Gale. No one here is a Gale. We're all Oprahs. What about Sharon? Sharon? Yeah, that's even better. Like Sharon with a chair? Yeah, that's even better. Like Sharon with a chair?

Yeah. Like basically, like imagine Charen sitting in a chair. And? What about Matthew? With a capital Matt. Marky Van Cauldron? None of this? Marky Van Cauldron is the best name you've said

Or van or Caldren no any of those sounding good then let's move on Markey, let's move on to a meal a meal a meal a dash Meal Email also over here also E-A-L. Email? Ah-so. Over here, ah-so. What's that clicking? What about harsh-on? Harsh-on Lynch?

It's like Marshon, but you're pretty blunt. Oh. What about far- away Darryl? I like that one a lot actually. Tyson? Ricin? Mickey? I could be a Mickey.

You could probably be a Mickey. What about J-Song? Spelled? Like Tatumum but said like Darula. Jason Blumenfeld. Jason Darulo. What about Zander? I mean he's like the sort of a loser and buffy, so I would say pass. Anyone else? What about weather? Like Heather? Like Carl Weathers?

What about Orlando? Brown or Bloom? What about Bradler? Bradler Snake or better yet, Eagle Eye. Sure. I don't know. I still what was it? I like Marky Van Cauldron. Yeah. Eagle Eye Jerry. Are we leaning Mort? No, if you were if you ever did drag Jeff, do you know what your drag name would be Probably

Probably Ryan Chambers. What about minutia? It's really good. What is that? A name. No, it's not. What about Dyson? That's a name.

Jerry. What about Quinky? Quinky? It's like Quincy with a K. Quincy's my other nephew's name. Oh. That was New Names for You. If you want we can, I mean because you guys were already giving it, let's open the floor. Give us that feedback. What did you hate about that segment? That might have been my least favorite segment that I've been on. You were just reading a list of names

and then as you were talking about it, you would go back to the list. It was just like yes or no question. And some of them were funny and some of them were just names. Well and then it was kind of the same thing before where you were listing food and then we had to say something about that.

Or just say yes or no. Mm-kay. What about that to Yeah. Or just say yes or no. OK. What about that to you is not enough material for you guys to work off of and like make funny though. Well, you're kind of only allowing us to give a yes or a no answer. And any time we would try to expand on it or make it funny, you would kind of squash that.

Right. I mean, yeah, I can see how it'll read that way. And you're pushing against the natural flow of the show. Yeah. Well, because we weren't near a flow state, so I'm trying to induce any kind of state, whether it's a world state that the cowardly little bean will work against. A savage reservation. I don't know, it just...

Guys, you ever had a dream that came true the next day? The hell? Have you ever spoken to someone who wasn't really there? What is this? Can a place remember pain? Is it possible for a photograph to capture more than just an image? You ever wonder if two minds can connect across time? Can a reflection in the mirror betray you thus? What if your favorite toy still haunt you? What are you typing? He's writing the like 9th, 10th and 11th one while he's reading the 4th, 5th and 6th. Have you ever watched the same clock tick backwards?

The same clock as what? You keep doing scary segments, Jeff. What's up with that? Yeah, the cooking oil noise. What if deja vu isn't a coincidence but a clue? What if the person you see in dreams is dreaming of your ass? the hell no way that's what got Brad do you guys believe that wind has a language

so at this point we're not supposed to be talking at all no you're supposed to be talking but you just have already chosen not two At all no you supposed to be talking, but you just have the already chosen Not you Just a second one was or and we're there against a time point You're just like I'm just pushing a truck forward while you guys are holding on to the speed brake What if your shadow moved before you had a chance to Speed break. What if your shadow moved before you had a chance to?

Have you ever let someone into your house and they left without exiting through a door? Do you want us to be answering? Yes! Have you ever found writing in a notebook that you don't remember putting in that? No. Yeah. What? Jeff, this is scary. Have you ever looked at a photo of yourself and realized you don't remember being there? Yeah. Have you ever turned off the television only to hear it whisper your name? Uh-uh. And have you ever felt like time paused just for a moment.

Guys, what if the past is still happening, just not now? He's typing. He's typing so aggressively too. Can you truly be free if you're not free to choose wrong? Can something be real simply because it is. By what metric do we measure breathe? Breathe? Can you escape fate if running from it leads you towards it? Is anything permanent? If you forget a dream but it changes your life, did you even have the dream? Is your is it intuition or is it anxiety? We have to leave.

There's no way we're just going to stay here like talk to us. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Flux. Guys, what do you have going on? What do you want to point the people towards? That was terrible. If you made it through that episode, If you made it through that episode, you're in the top or maybe bottom 1% of Headgum fans. The question is, what do you, what's your social media handle?

Yeah, just the name. Allie? You can follow me on Twitch at gluing shit on paper. I do live streams almost every day, depending on schedule. Is there one tonight? No, because I have concert tickets. Oh. But tomorrow.

Who are you going to see? But I'll be there. I'm gonna botch the name because it's someone Liv loves. Got it. It's Rachel Chinchuri. Is it someone Liv Laugh Loves? Yeah, I was gonna say that. That's scary. Really? Yeah.

I was gonna say, is it also someone that Liv laughs? She laughs and she loves. And we love her for it. Brad? I joined a band. And we love her for it Brad I joined a band We're called Jacqueline hide and we're opening for mini trees who is on tour now on June 14th So if you're in the Pacific Northwest area come and see us and follow Jacqueline hide dot band on

Instagram and also hill kings podcast is still a thing us and follow jackalinhide.band on Instagram. And also, Hill King's podcast is still a thing. Wow. Those are two major plugs. Yeah. I love that. What instrument are you in the band? Guitar slash vibes slash... Drums.

I would say my plug is this show for more segments and episodes for things like New Names for You and Cowerly Little Bean. Worse. I would just keep on listening to this. Would you cook that? Was a classic. Bottom of the barrel. I think a nice experiment too would be to do the same outline with a different

set of people. And see if it goes better. I could guess how that would go. You know it was raining and everybody kind of brought this tired to it. I don't know. I just feel like everybody kind of brought this tired to it. I don't know. I just feel like you kind of keep making...

It keeps feeling like we're in the slug porn ride. That boat in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory in Gene Wilde is scary. There's no easy way of knowing which direction we are going. Exactly. It's anxiety inducing. Not entertaining. It's music. It's weird inducing. Yeah. Not entertaining. It's music, it's weird images.

Intense. Yeah. And then someone's yelling Marty Van Cauldron or like. Plackard. Yeah, what if your shadow moved without you? Yeah. Would you cook a tire? Yeah.

Well, not just a tire. It might be a spare. And it might be pistachio crusted. Yeah. Right. I don't know. I just, I don't know. It's not, it's not, I'm just pointing out it just, I feel like you're leaning towards sort of a scary trend.

Not that it's bad. I'm just noticing. To me, this outline was not quite there. That was a Hedgum Original. going on right now and diving into all things fashion, hookups, gossip, and more. With past guests such as Heidi Klum and Deedavon Tease, NoGorge always keeps things hot. Listen to NoGorge on your favorite podcast app or watch full video episodes on YouTube. New episodes every Thursday. Bye, Gorge!