The Headgum Podcast - 260: Hasagun Boyd

Episode Date: June 20, 2025

Geoff is joined by Amir, Allie, Anya, and Casey for the last FREE episode of The Headgum Podcast. They discuss moving to Patreon, play New Joyce, hear a brand new rice song, and Allie has a surprise for Geoff! Join us over on Headgum’s Patreon!And tune into our YouTube channel for our livestream celebrating the launch! TODAY, Friday June 20 at 2pm PT / 5pm ET!!» FOLLOW Geoff on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/geoffreyjames/» FOLLOW Amir on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/amir/» FOLLOW Allie on Twitch: https://twitch.tv/gluingshitonpaper» FOLLOW Casey on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/caseydonahue/» FOLLOW Anya on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/radiofreeanya/Advertise on The Headgum Podcast via Gumball.fmRate The Headgum Podcast 5-stars on Apple PodcastsRate The Headgum Podcast 5-stars on SpotifyJoin the Headgum DiscordSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a head gum original. Hey guys, quick announcement before this episode of the head gum podcast. And that is that the head gum podcast is moving to Patreon over at patreon.com slash head gum. And we wanted to take a moment to explain why this shift is happening and just kind of give you guys as much transparency as possible. As you may or may not know, the show has historically been ad supported, but the problem is, I don't know if you've noticed, for the past year or year and a half, we've had next to no ads.

It's a tough sell because the show is an inside joke of sorts. Right, and even listeners have admitted that it's hard for you guys to pitch the show to your friends, because how do you even describe it? Our ad sales team has had the same issue. So instead of having to sunset the show

and have it come to an end since it hasn't been profitable for the better part of two years, we've been able to make the decision to move it over to Patreon. And it really did come down to that. It was either this or the show was gonna have to end, unfortunately. So we're excited that the show is gonna get to keep on going.

We also wanna be paying everyone who works on this show fairly and to be well compensated for putting their time and energy and efforts into the show. Even though it doesn't always show, I do spend several hours a week on the show. Our awesome engineer Grace Harper works really hard on the show behind the scenes and everyone at Headgum has to devote some portion of their working hours every week to the show. So this will help justify that and make sure that everybody gets paid a good wage.

Yeah, the show does look good, especially when you remember to hit record and it sounds really good too. So shout out to Grace for that. Most people sound good. And every time you say somebody's address, you remember to cut that. And every time you say somebody's address.

The timbre of people's voices is what sours the audio. But the tech is great. For just $5 a month, you're gonna get the same four episodes of the podcast that you're used to per month and a headgum sketch every month. We're back, baby. We're also gonna be wanting to hear from you guys as members of the Patreon of what you wanna see more of,

whether it's another 24 hour live stream, longer form video content, or even a mini tour. Because as the membership base grows, so will our production budget for this show. Yeah, so hopefully the show will not only go on, but become a bigger, better version of itself. Absolutely. I've had ideas for like two years that I've wanted to do that we just frankly haven't had the budget for. But now that it's gonna be members supported by you guys the show is gonna improve and we're gonna get to do higher concept higher budget episodes and Stunts do you trust Jeff is ultimately the question here. Oh my cause me meaning don't trust a chef

Trust a Jeff. We'll see you over on Patreon. We have a lot more to say. Really? Yeah. Yeah. Now we know not everyone's gonna be able to or will want to join us over on Patreon. And I just wanna say for everyone who's listened, watched and supported us along the way

these past five years and 260 episodes, thank you so much for your support. Thank you so much for being a fan of this show for some reason. And we wanna assure you that all of those episodes will live on YouTube and podcast apps in perpetuity for free. So everything up until today,

which is the last free episode, will always be available for viewing. We'll never go behind a paywall. And we'll also be sure to drop some free content in those feeds every now and again when we can for people to have kind of a throwback Friday. Join us over on patreon.com slash headgum, where you can also see the secret video

that was taken of last fall's live show at Littlefield in Brooklyn. It's a great episode. We're also going live on YouTube today, June 20th at 2 p.m. Pacific to celebrate the launch of this year, Headgum Patreon. And the first 40 people to join the patreon as Members are gonna get a my other car is a massage bumper sticker

Wow Finally and even if you can't become a patreon member of the show go over there and subscribe to the free tier where you can See sneak peeks of what we're up to over there. Maybe in a few months time, you're like, oh, that looks interesting, actually. It's worth the $5. Thank you so much for the past five years. Now let's go see why the episode's called Has a Gun Boyed. I'm being truly pulled in two different directions here by cords. One by the headphones going this way, one by the aux cord of my laptop pulling me towards

the booth back where some might say I belong and I would refute that immediately and hard. I belong in the throne chair because I've been too long thrust into the shadows by... Amir? David? Is that you? The show should have been sponsored by David bars. Every copy that we send into our like group chat that we have with Marika and Riley where we just send bad ad copy

Yeah, should have been a sponsor on the show. Well, it's not just bad ad copy. Sometimes we send funny names I was gonna say like what about like fucking yeah, like a weird name or something. I was gonna say yeah Raul salt. Yeah, or like farty J. That's funny. Yeah Ali Khan on the mic. Amir Bluenfeld on another mic. And then on the third mic we have Casey Nanyan. I'm done with the booth. I'm done with the desk. It's been a couple Zoom episodes and I feel like people forgot that aspect of this. Is that I sort of was being overlooked

The desk doesn't seem to be fully the issue though because here we have and grace will in the edit cut to the GoPro right now Anya is on her phone. Anya is on you. Anya is doing other work. I I was gonna make a joke, but I fully didn't realize you haven't started Because the headphones aren't working or are they not loud enough? But I, I can hear them, but I think it's all just like, at this point, it's all background noise to me. What is it about me that becomes Brown Noise to you? That's a good nickname for you. Brown Noise?

I think you should change your, that's your new- To be honest, that's what the name of the show should be. Brown Noise. Brown Noise with Jeffrey James. That's not bad at all. Casey's trying to turn us up. Are we not loud enough? That's really not bad at all. Casey's trying to turn us up. Are we not loud enough? That's really not bad at all.

Yeah, it's going in and out of my headphones, but I can... I can only hear on my left ear, and that is unrelated from headphones. Ali, I feel like you haven't... Are you... You're treating it like one of those shows where like the main hosts talk for a while, and then they're like, oh yeah, and here are our guests, and then the guests start talking. It's interesting that you're making an assumption about how I'm going in You think?

PR rep man, I make myself look like an asshole every time I step out of that house on mic or off Yeah, just tilt the mic towards you. Oh yeah, you gotta talk to the top. It's hard. We're all doing this for the first time. I know it does feel that way right now And in a way the last time I was gonna say because if you saw the pre-roll video We're change you didn't know about this Wait is that true? What's that? I'm just trying to do the acting No, I knew you were like you were really indicating Casey your director. Yeah, what do you think about his performance? I knew you were like you were really indicating Casey your director. Yeah, what do you think about his performance?

Okay, can I see it again? But as you know more or should be able to replicate the same tick if you're good actor Is that true? He changed it a little bit Well, you dropped in more then so now it's making me okay. Who's directing here mirror you right you I'm script supervisor though And that was not continuity that was bad for continuity. We're gonna have to go again. Yeah, okay Let's hear it again. Wait really? That was not continuity. That was banned for continuity. We're gonna have to go again. Yeah, okay. Let's hear it again. Wait, really? That was the worst one. All right, we got it.

It was the second one. Moving on. No, we are, the show is moving to Behind a Paywall on Patreon. The show must go on ya. That's really good. Too bad we already recorded the other thing. We did we? No. I was kinda Too bad we already recorded the other thing. We did we?

No. I was kinda acting as if we were gonna do a lot of things. But we can't change what we've written for it. Exactly. It's a Sherlock. It's still in kind of an edit WIP stage. Yeah. If you're watching this, we've already explained all of this,

so we don't need to go into details, but I feel- I thought we weren't gonna talk about it at all. Well, we were, Marika said not to talk about it at all, but I don't wanna treat it like an elephant in the room. Elephant in the Zoom. That's really interesting. Sorry. You just said Casey's the elephant in the room?

What about- In what way? And he's kind of, and he paints, never forgets. All right. No, it's because we're all- Elephants are known for painting. It's because we're all avoiding talking about your ass. All right, what do you guys have to say about me? Oh no.

This is an intervention. I love you as a coworker and a colleague. Well, you know what, this was supposed to be for later, but let's jump ahead and we can jump back. Kasey, can you- Cause you had a bad rice. Oh wait, that's not good. Yeah.

Casey, can you just look into the GoPro and just say, I disagree. No, that's dangerous. Just say I disagree to the GoPro. Propaganda we're not working for. It's one of those letters. Yeah, but like, you're obviously gonna do something nefarious. Nefarious, I'm just saying I just you as yourself

I disagree if you want to you could say China disagrees. That's pretty good actually. Oh, no It's like a really tense Really if II yeah, but you can always deny that you disagree with whatever he's gonna sort of edit. We tried to get Ify, we got you. So just say I disagree. Shout out Ify Nwadwe. All right, I guess I'll trust my dear friend, Jeff, that he's not gonna do anything nefarious with this. So I disagree.

We got him. And then Grace, if you can just in the edit, swap these sequentially. So, hey Casey, what do you think about this? And then that's when you'll edit the I disagree. We fight for the rights of immigrants, not because they're hardworking, but because they're human beings.

So, Grace, if you could just take when Jeff just said I disagree, and kind of put that right here, and just cut everything with Casey previously. And then also change this to say, I disagree with that lead. Yeah, great, so he's saving me. If you could just cut this in of me saying,

Jeff, what do you think about this? Yeah. And then cut to him saying, I disagree with that. I just don't look really happy. And then this is what's been released. Grace, insert right now the edit. And then maybe like a's been released grace insert right now the edit

Wow maybe like a chiron that says brown noise and that's kind of the new podcast with a podcast for Jeff That's the teaser. Well, that was I trust that grace edited the way it should have been edited, which is anti Casey Thanks so much for that grace anti China. Jeffrey Club bumper stickers coming to the headgum store. Down with China, that's the bumper sticker, but you have to know that we're actually just talking about KC. KC, yeah. Kid ass. What?

Can you turn, this is what it's like to be behind the booth after your screen share, it goes straight to TV. And it goes straight to dodgeball. This place sucks. What's that? Just straight to dodgeball. That was dodgeball. What camera would we have been on?

Because that will get us pulled from YouTube. Guys, last free episode on YouTube, unbelievable. We have to get the episode. Don't think of it as a free episode. We can play the movie later, but don't think of it as a free episode. This is still supposed to be premium content. Even though it's free,

it's supposed to be as good as premium content. In a way, yes. I sort of, yeah, I feel slash fear that the podcast is gonna get so good once we have the cash to make it thus, that this episode is gonna pale in comparison. Interesting. Yeah, for sure. It's a flip. In what way?

What do you mean in what way? A switch is gonna flip. So what will be different? Yeah, what will be different? a flip. In what way? What do you mean in what way? A switch is gonna flip. So what will be different? Yeah, what will be different? I'll be smarter, quicker, white. You'll love that. More? For just $5 a month, Jeff will be.

Sorry, man. The button was on a delay. So I hit the button before you started talking. Does that make sense? Tom Cruise. Coconut cake. That would have been good for this episode, for us to celebrate.

Ask me what I had for lunch. Ask me what I had for lunch. What did you have for lunch? Coconut cake. Did you? I had a slice of cake for dinner. Of the Tom Cruise cake? For dinner or for lunch?

For lunch! Get your stories straight! My whole eating schedule is ass-backwards ever since the night shoots on Casey's movie, where they're calling dinner lunch. Get your story straight. My whole eating schedule is ass backwards ever since the night shoots on Casey's movie where they're calling dinner lunch. Why do they do that in the industry? It's all dinner.

I don't know, man. I'm just directing the movie. They call it dinner lunch. I don't know why every meal break is lunch even if it's at one in the morning. Exactly, so I'm confused. Lunch is the meal in the middle of the shoot. So if you shoot from 8 p.m. to 8 a.m. But I'm having cake at 2.50 p.m. in the day. Is that'm confused lunch is the meal in the middle of the shoot so I'm having cake at 2 50 p.m. in the day is that dinner lunch or dessert

or is it first meal it's dessert really but you shot that like three weeks ago so it's weird you're still everything is ass backwards what was harder for you the 24-hour live stream or Casey's movie? I think the movie was tough because it was going well and I didn't want that success for Donahue. Does that make sense? Yeah, you wish. So did you feel sort of like an internal self-sabotage, sabotage the film?

I tried to insert slurs thus. I will say. As if there was attention amongst the crew because of our dynamic. Was there actually attention? I only felt that once. Yes, yes, some people were like, oh, okay. Once I understood that that's just how you guys

talk to each other. There was one moment that I felt that. I thought everything was good. There was one moment though that I was like, where you were like, what was it? It was like I was holding something or you asked me to go get something. And you made like a snide sort of sarcastic pop.

Sorry, I was telling a fucking story. I was telling a story about the art we made. You turned down a role in the movie, by the way. I did not. He didn't offer it. He chatted in Hale. You turned it down! That's an inherent turn down.

You turned it down with your energy before you even had the chance to ask, by the way. A pre-turned down? Because of your turned down frown in the office. No, come on, that was good. Turned down for what? Yeah. Thank you.

That could have been the joke you made, but instead you said turned down frown. It was a, yeah. I, no, this is what it was, is that I needed a beer for this scene and you were like Jeff Can you go get your beer and I was like, oh, I thought that I was talent I didn't know I was the prop master and then I saw like four people at Video Villages of Smiles go like Just how we are and I'm getting the beer.

Anyway. I'm actually super grateful to be here. Speaking of movies, speaking of IP, speaking of turning frowns into clowns. Let's hear it, yeah. What about, you said Tom Cruise, what about Suri Cruise? Like she's kind of got to do her own thing. She's not going to be in Mission Impossible because she's like, doesn't, with, what about Suri Cruise? Like she's kinda gotta do her own thing, she's not gonna be in Mission Impossible because she's like doesn't with her dad, Ali, right?

So maybe she's like her own franchise, she would be the next Bond. You've been listening too much to Katie. Who? Who? No, the casting director. That's not. Who?

Forget it, Grace cut that out. Suri Cruise? Yeah, Tom Cruise's daughter. Why? Forget it. Grace cut that out. Surya Cruz? Yeah, Tom Cruise's daughter. If she tried to make her own name in action in an action franchise, she would be the next Bond. We need a woman Bond, no? I've tried suggesting it. And he turns you down and shoots it down immediately?

Yeah, and then he says, I hate women. Whoa, that's really fast. But then Grace cuts that out. Also, I'm only turning it down on its face before I hear the pitch On the patreon episodes you should leave all the things that you could get you sort of in trouble in hot water That's funny. Do you have a bond a week though? Yeah, Tom Cruise

Allie um you're gonna be mad Because it's a woman because it's a woman Coming out of his ears, but they're blocked by Yeah, well I think it should be Katie Holmes Because oh my god, that's everything's Tom. Really? Yeah Is this cuz I had coconut cake for lunch? Sorry dinner. I had it one Do you have you tried it? Yeah, it's really good cuz for my birthday this year. I want a coconut cake I'm obsessed with this no you gotta go you gotta get that you not had the Tom Cruise coconut

I have and it's good woodland hills. I'm gonna go all that way You would think it would it be good because of all the white chocolate right, but it's it works I like what cake which so I wasn't even close to none. Yes, you are And it's a bunk and it's a bunk. That's what I was gonna say. Let's see what you did say Cuz you's a bunk it that's what you did say cuz you had a bunch Zoran bondani good Instead of stocks and bonds running, New York imagine not being able to mess with the Zoran with the Zoron. That's really good.

Yeah. Don't waste it on the free app, dude. This is fucking gold. If you want more weird jokes like that, offer, can they pay more than $5 a month if they want? Can't you just like tribute a G for this G? No. We could have different tiers.

Oh, we were gonna do- Well, I wanna do a tier that's 10 grand and you get to see my, what was it? My asshole. Yeah. For 10 grand a month. Yeah, but if you pay once, you get that photo. And then you can downgrade or unsubscribe completely.

Right. Jeff will goat-see for a band. But what happens if someone is a monthly $10,000 subscriber? We go deeper and deeper still. It becomes a colonoscopy to them. Start to get. Yeah. Was it hard for you to come up with that number?

Um, no, I got talked up to that number. I wanted that to be a part of the signup bonus for $5. The thank you email. Casey bond of the week, or are you kind of sick of this kind of shit in terms of like casting, directing, producing, putting together, packaging really? Yeah, yeah. I'll go with, it's not,

Cruz is in Apple's last name, is it? Is it Apple, Cruz? Is Apple a child? Apple Martin. Apple Martin. I think you're having a stroke. Apple Martin? Yeah, Gwyneth Paltrow in Chris Paltrow's most famous story. Let's go with Apple Martin. Apple Martin. Apple Martin. I think you're having a stroke. Apple Martin? Yeah, Gwyneth Paltrow and Christmas by Star. Let's go with Apple Martin. Which is what we also call Marty. That's because he eats apples like this.

Cor. Cor. Cor. Cor. Cor. Cor. Cor. Cor.

Cor. Cor. You gotta do that as a sound effect. Core. Yeah, why don't you leave the soundboard to the expert. Because that's not good! I'm sorry, but I'm not gonna stand idly by! I think you're wrong. Is the expert in the room with us right now? Oh my god!

Every YouTube comment, core four, core four, core four. Core four, that's correct. But there's five of us, so that means one of us is left out and there's no way it's not me. I wonder what's gonna be. Guys, the word of the day is kazoodle. That's to engage in amorous kissing, caressing, cuddling, et cetera, of a zucchini. That's to take a squash as a piece of cake caressing, cuddling, et cetera, of a zucchini.

That's to take a squash as your wife. I was loving it. Zunkoodle? I've never seen her laugh. Kazoodle. Kazoodle. As in, Amir was found kazoodling with a ham. What? You just saidoodling with a ham. What? I thought it was vegetable based.

You just said it was with a zucchini. It's with a fucking root vegetable. I meant to say yam, let's power through. But when it's like, can I be honest? Is the yam a root vegetable? Does it fucking matter to get through the flash free episode before we start making friends? Yes.

No, nothing, no part of the etymology of that has anything to do with a kazoo, which is right Oh, it's thinking about it, too. No, I know I know you're gonna do caressa zoo You sound crazy Is a yam or root vegetable? Yes Why is that what you took issue with? Rather than be coining shit. No one's gonna say this that's whole point. I just never heard of it. It's a starchy tuber

For short Brown noise with starchy tuber Really good debut album that's really good Guys I am gonna have to try and share this again, but while I'm struggling with that, I'm trying to write a classic novel and I wanted to run another one by you guys. Yes, please. Jatless Planked. The story follows Jagny Braggart,

a boastful railroad executive who struggles against a collectivist government that punishes individual achievement. Jagne's arrogance peaks when he decides to plank on the stairs of the U.S. Capitol while wearing an LED stock ticker on his back. The story ends when Jagny's act of protest is met with complete governmental and civic disregard. Okay. Okay, or you love the story? I think okay is what it is. It's about a guy named Jagny,

who's a bit of a braggart, he's a hyper capitalist, and he planks on stairs. TV's on. Shit. Turn the TV off, turn the TV off. Ready? Yeah.

If your cheeks were like a hamster's, that's because you would have an extra two and a half square feet of skin that would be able to stretch to your shoulders. The skin would fold inward like hidden pockets forming deep pouches that expanded into your neck with so much space you could fit over 60 Big Macs with all that food your mouth would need to make seven cups of saliva just to

break it down and swallow. You could stuff a tire in your mouth if your cheeks were like Who does this remind you of? Sophie price right there was Employee that just started today. How do you know about Sophie? She joined HQ and I saw the shit What is her role deal and why can't she fit a tire in her cheeks because she's not you cannot be talking about our new employee before she even been on the show marketing or greater

partner that's nothing something Sophie does it yeah because you gave her a Sophie's choice. It was marketing, or not marketing, now you got me saying marketing. It was fucking brand partnerships or whatever, or she doesn't get hired. And you'd blacklist her. She'd have to go to start her own theater in Topanga. Woodland Hills again? Will Gere?

Will Gere? Let's take a break. I'll try to come up with something then. I'm kidding! You're kidding! No there's like two or three more joyful segments. Oh, yeah. With new McValue and McDonald's, you get more than you expect. So after a long day, buy a double cheeseburger and add a McChicken for a dollar because saving with deals is always on the menu. With new McValue, prices and participation may vary. Valid for item of equal or lesser value.

I love your hat. Right? Y'all remember Chicken Suit for the Soul? Yeah, they're... aren't they like a production company now? Valid for item of equal or lesser value. I love your hat right Y'all remember chicken soup for the soul. Yeah, they're aren't they like a production company now are they probably I know they made weird Like books that are supposed to make you smile. Yeah, and then like Amazon or Warner Brothers bought them and turn them into a production company I like to think of the headgun podcast as like a version of chicken. No, sorry, no phones No looking it up. I'm looking it up on you. No work. I'm emailing

No work during the record. It is also my job to be here and there It's your job to participate and make the show good. We used to read chicken noodle for the soup soul anyway as I was saying chickens chicken soul for the soup can I get a word edgewise on my own fucking show so I guess it doesn't matter if you're sitting here or there you're still being cut out of the conversation exactly right so let me have the floor for once I was trying to say that I think this show is kind of like chicken soup for the soul Where it's like kind of trying to make people smile

No, we are we've never been more back by the way, let's get this going Ladies and gentlemen, this is five. Everybody's craving char, so let's burn some rice. The smell of searing oil wets your glands. Soy attains a blackened cake. It's the consistency of sand. Bird crust that I made with a little bit of butter. I'm going to put it in the oven. I'm going to put it in the oven.

I'm going to put it in the oven. I'm going to put it in the oven. I'm going to put it in the oven. I'm going to put it in the oven. I'm going to put it in the oven. I'm going to put it in the oven. I'm going to put it in the oven. I'm going to put it in the oven.

I'm going to put it in the oven. I'm going to put it in the oven. I'm going to put it in the oven. I'm going to put it in the oven. I'm going to put it in the oven. I'm going to put it in the oven. I'm going to put it in the oven. I'm going to put it in the oven. I'm going to put it in the oven. I'm going to put it in the oven. Everybody's craving char, so let's burn some rice! The smell of searing oil wets your glands, soy attains a blackened cake, it's the consistency of sand! Bird crust that I made with heat,

I blacken grits till they taste like wheat. I like glutinous, basmati, jasmine, and white. That last type of rice is Casey's favorite race! So how do I chew every bite? Hurts my teeth? Good question, you can swallow it like pills. Handful of rice, formed into a patty. Burn that sphere of rice into a ruined crumpet.

A little bit of burnt white rice with sides. A little bit of sushi rice that's way too fried. A little bit of wild rice that's burnt in grease. A ton of burnt basmati in my crease. A little bit of instant rice that's been charred. A little bit of black rice completely parched, a serving of Arborio's and still bland, a little bit of Nobu's hang till he's gone.

A little bit of what? Nobu's hang, Nobu hang till he's gone. Nobu Matsugisa. Bamba that's been fried. What's that? What's that? What's that? What's that? What's that? What's that? What's that? What's that? What's that? What's that?

What's that? What's that? What's that? What's that? What's that? What's that? What's that? What's that?

What's that? What's that? What's that? What's that? What's that? What's that? What's that? What's that?

What's that? What's that? What's that? What's that? What's that? What's that? What's that? What's that? What's that? add one cup soy and one cup fish, one cup of duck and one cup of gas. Light a match once and drop it inside and if it looks like fire then you're cooking it right. A little bit of golden rice to get charred till it's gone, a little bit of ancient grain seared beyond, a little bit of brown rice that tastes like sand, a little bit of chamba on your glands, a little bit of orzo yes it counts a little bit of sweet rice for burnt desserts a Little bit of purple rice laced with fear a little bit of wolf gangs disappeared

Wolf gang pockets and disappeared Well that gave me a've got some gripes. Crumpet! Yeah, okay. But patties! Bamba that's been fried! A little bit of emerald in the chair, a little bit of Thomas Kelle attacked with Nair, a little bit of Rachel Ray in Solitaire, a little bit of Ina Garten mauled by bears, a little bit of Alton Brown on the cross, a little bit of Bobby Flay prayers and thoughts, a

little bit of Carla Hall killed with yams, a little bit of Gordon R. killed with hams. Why are they all dead? What's that? Why are they all dead? A little bit of Carla Hall killed with yams, a little bit of Gordon R. killed with hams. Why are they all dead? What's that? Why are they all dead? Cause you can't, we're getting to that. Just give me a fucking second, sorry. Oh.

I refuse to trust a chef as if they know food. Cause Oma Koss is overpriced. You and me can just burn some rice. Hahahaha! Bombo, that's been fried. Yeah. Yeah, or? I thought you said we're getting to it. We're not getting we didn't get to the part where we explained while the

Immediately we did I think because he said you can't trust the chef Gasoline with a match. Top chefs, Carla Hall. Yeah, that was a crazy poll. I love her. Who should get her on the show? Oh, yeah. Who? Carla Hall.

You said Carla Brown? Is it because you were looking at me? Carla Brown Jordan. No, it's because of Alton Brown. My daughter. There was one part of this song where I saw you as a four year old. Of course. I saw you as a child. A thousand percent.

It came out. I actually, I didn't meet him, but I was at a talk with Alton Brown last fall and I asked a question and he liked my question a lot. What was your question? I don't want to get into it. What? It was at a talk with Alton Brown last fall, and I asked a question, and he liked my question a lot. What was your question? I don't wanna get into it. What? It was at a watch collecting event, it's gonna be boring.

Oh, so it wasn't even food? Well, it was like, yeah, he collects watches and it wasn't talking about food, he was talking about watches. But then I asked the question, what's your, like, what would be your last meal? You get an appetizer and a drink, an entree and a drink, and a dessert and a drink.

So he was at a watch conversation. I don't interrupt you guys. When you talk. You do. You do. When? Name one time I haven't let you talk. Sorry, it was appetizer, drink, watch, entree, drink, watch, dessert, drink, watch.

As in you have to change your watch three times during the meal. Well, you're about to, I mean, I did set it up as a death row meal so he was about to get the chair. Yeah, and he was wearing a Timex during the appetizer. He was wearing a Durax during dessert. Meaning? He had a condom on.

And a flan. Should we talk through the lyrics or are you guys good? It is the last free episode so I feel like it's important. I feel like Casey maybe wanted to address a couple. I guess we could get to it. One, two, three, four, five, everybody's craving char, so let's burn some rice. The smell of-

Yeah, it's all that weird. The smell of searing oil wets your glands. Soy attains a blackened cake. It's the that weird. The smell of searing oil wets your glands. Soy attains a blackened cake. It's the consistency of sand. I mean, what about that is not clear and joyful to you? That's clear. And joyful. I also liked that I think people would write off

Lubega as like a one-hit wonder, but you could barely get through that first. It's really hard. His rhyme schemes were incredible. I also liked the one that he did that was Disney Channel theme. I didn't see that. Oh really?

Back in the day. That must have been a hard one. A little bit of Lizzy. Mickey and the sun. I was like in Lizzy McGuire. No and then it was like Huey Dewey Louie. Huey Dewey Louie. Those are Donald Duck's nephews.

Oh. Oh. You've never seen DuckTales? No. I'm on DuckTales, Larry. Thank you. Burnt crust that I madeTales. No. I'm on DuckTales, Larry. Thank you. Burnt crust that I made with heat. Yep.

I blackened grits till they taste like wheat. Okay. Fine. Okay, or you like it? No, not that. It's just like, if you're not gonna give it a fucking chance, let's move on to the next segment. How did you land on doing Mambo number five?

Um, I looked- Talk us through the process and then talk us off so like extra do see you guys yeah I looked up 90 smash hits on Spotify and it was on there oh were you really familiar with that song? Cause you knew how to jump in in the different parts, which is kind of what you do. Everybody knows that song. I like glutinous, basmati, jasmine and white. That last type of rice is Casey's favorite race.

Yeah, okay. So that was the one that didn't seem to rhyme. Yeah, that didn't rhyme. Well, there's messaging, and it's not true. You don't have a favorite race, do you? No, I would say white's probably least favorite. Really? Yeah.

So that means you do have a rank. Yeah. So it's not existence. Yeah. Unless it's everything else tied for first. Everything else tied for first, white I for first white is the worst Wow Really cool Recording because on day 12 of the shoot we're doing the night shoot right outside of here

You wore a shirt that said white equals the model majority Day 11 Oh, that didn't happen. That didn't happen. It was day 11. That's funny, that's really funny actually. Let me get the, I just have to give him his props because he's really participating today. Are you keeping tally? No, not tally, just trying to give him sort of a sound that makes him feel like I'm kind of giving his due proper, just sort of giving you taps, whether it's verbally,

whether it's with like a slap on the wrist, which can be positive. So how do I chew? Every bite hurts my teeth. Good question, you can swallow it like pills. Dark. This place is falling apart. Handful of rice formed into a patty,

burn that sphere of rice into a ruined crumpet. Yeah. Okay. That one didn't rhyme either. I don't think there's been a rhyme in three bars three years You're gonna love this next line then a little bit of burnt white rice with sides A little bit of sushi rice that's way too fried In here that I didn't like a little bit of wild rice that's burnt in Greece. A ton of burnt basmati in my crease.

I hated that. Oh, right. Is that your ass? It's like the ridge when you're staring, because you can't help but pat my ass. No, wait, I don't get it. What? I have a shelf ass, basically. So you know what I mean? Where there's like a mound and then there's a crease.

And if that sounds confusing to you listeners or viewers, just know you can check it out for $10,000. The topography of his bones. So the ridge is at the top? No, no, no, it's like mound, crease, ridge. Sorry, yeah. Mound, crease, ridge is good. You also have like a growth, it sounds like.

I had an, not an ulcer, what's like less than an ulcer? A cyst. I had a cyst in my sack. Stop. And a urologist not only confirmed that it was benign, but he also asked me what I did. I said I work in podcasting, and he asked while he was fondling my sack, what's a good USB mic I should have?

Blue Yeti, woo hoo! Woo hoo! Look! It's a Mickey Mouse kind of mic. A ton of work. It's actually not that dunk at the Blue Yeti! Woo hoo! A ton of work. It's actually not that. Don't get the Blue Yeti. Yeah. Oh gosh.

I told him to get the Shure SM7. I had a similar experience with a doctor when he asked what I did and I'm like working podcast. He's like, you know, I want to be a voice actor. What's with these doctors? Well, we're in La, baby Yeah, the doctors coast to coast don't do that. It's just here just here in La they all want to be a voice actor Yeah, but here in La the doctors all know what a blue yeti Mike everybody's a multi-hyphenate Yeah, so I'm a doctor slash video artist

I'm a writer actor urologist Next time laugh a little bit more even if you don't think it's funny cuz then they'll be like oh Amir thought it was funny So that means I think it's funny. I can't laugh at every joke you make otherwise it devalues What is stopping you from that it'll especially as we're begging people to pay us for the shit I don't think people want to hear me laugh at every joke they want me to pick and choose the ones that I like the Most it means more if it doesn't happen every single time. That's interesting actually for once I agree with you a Little more lyrics are there if you're upset with how long this is going it'll go faster if you don't interrupt my ass

This is what the energy was like on set A little bit of instant rice that's been charred a little bit of black rice completely parched a serving of Arborio singed till bland Arborio rice a little bit of nobu hanged till he's gone Yeah, that what is that no bubu Matsuhisa, the chef. Oh, we're killing the chefs again. This is the first time. Bomba that's been fried. Oil slick a wok and burn rice till it's chalk. Pour the hoisin in till the rice looks thin.

Add one cup soy, one cup fish, one cup of duck and one cup of gas So that's the sauces you're tossing in there like gasoline gasoline Light a match once and drop it inside and if it looks like fire, then you're cooking it right. That's good a little bit of fire so a little bit of golden rice charred till gone a little bit of ancient grains seared beyond. A little bit of brown rice that tastes like sand. A little bit of chamba on your glands. Is chamba a type of rice?

Yes. And bomba? The answer to the question's all gonna be yes. What about chamba bomba? Like chamba wombar? Oh yeah, I guess so. Why don't you do la la la bomba? La La La La Chamba. Or Bamba. That's right there. Right. Maybe Behind the Paywall? You are due for a Spanish song.

A little bit of orzo, yes it counts. A little bit of sweet rice for burnt desserts. A little bit of purple rice laced with fear. A little bit of sweet rice for burnt desserts. A little bit of purple rice laced with fear. A little bit of Wolfgang's disappeared. Okay. Scary. Scary. You've never done anything mochi related either. That's really good actually.

What rhymes with mochi? Dochi. Oh, mochi and dochi. Crumpet. He already did dochi. Burn patties. He should have done mochamba. That's been fried a little bit of emerald in the chair a little bit of Thomas Kell attacked with nair that

Kell apostrophe like near the hair removal sure it's like an acid attack, but you toss so much in there at The owner and proprietor that he's gone. A little bit of Rachel Ray in Solitaire, reconfinement. So she's not dead, she's locked up. I mean what's worse than death, right? Yeah, I didn't get that one either. I was like she's playing Solitaire and. She's in solitary confinement, padded room,

no one's talking to her for the rest of her life. Oh, Rach. Well, because she has to trust her. With the rice. A little bit of Ina Garten mauled by bears. A little bit of Alton Brown on the cross. Crucify him. Yeah. Crucify him. Crucify him. Kind of an exalted death. I don't really think of Alton Brown as Jesus. Yeah me either. A little bit of Bobby Flay prayers and thoughts. Dating Brooke Williamson. T. A little bit of Bobby Flay prayers and thoughts. Dating Brooke Williamson, T. A little bit of Carla Hall killed with yams.

A little bit of... Second yam reference to this. A little bit of Gordon R. killed with hams. Oh. I refuse to trust a chef as if they know food because Omakas is overpriced when you and me can just burn some rice. Cute. All right, I think we're all off books. From the top.

You guys could have given me better props than that. Anya loved it. I did love it. Yeah. Not your best work. I think it's... The vibes are there. Welcome to the show. Not your best work. I think it's... The vibes are there.

Welcome to New Joyce. New Joyce? So a few months ago, we did, it came out recently actually, but a few months ago we did, it's not about Joyce James Is that what you said? Jeffrey James Joyce. No isn't there a beat generation author named Joyce James? Just do the fucking segment man So are you guys familiar with the short form improv game, New Choice? Oh my god.

Remind me. Basically it's like, you're in a scene and your team will be like, new choice, new choice, and then immediately whoever last spoke has to like make a choice, make a new choice, completely new choice. Can't be similar at all. We played New Royce.

This is similar, but it's actually New Joyce. So y'all are gonna do scenes. I'm gonna set you up with a scenario. You're gonna do two person scenes, and I'm gonna call out. Actually, we all can call out. The first one, I'll demonstrate. After that, we can all call out New Joyce, which means that they have to become,

sorry, let me backtrack. You definitely should have closed with the rice song. Yeah. It's hard to now go to the new Joyce. It's hard. Right. It's good. Like, there's a lot of right now.

It's a new Joyce. So every time we make a new choice, it has to be joyful? No, I wish it was that. It's just a new Joyce. I'm gonna give you guys scenarios for two person scenes where one of you has to be named Joyce and then the team behind you providing backline support will call out at some point, new Joyce,

and you have to become a completely different Joyce. Yeah. Ready? Uh-huh. Yeah. I'll call out the first one, so no one else say anything. After that, we can all do it together. I just wanna demonstrate. So, Ali and Am Amir you guys are gonna be waiting in line at the DMV. Okay, okay ready action

That's it Geez how long have you been here? Oh, I think like I think our number should be any minute. Hopefully it's not too much I feel like you used to be able to make an appointment, but now they just want you to stand here and wait. I know. Well, if I'm being real with you, you can, and I forgot. Really? I'm sorry. That's okay.

You didn't have to make an appointment for me. We just met. I'm Anthony. Hey, I'm Joyce. That's cool. What's your last name? Summers. Joyce Summers.

That's cool. My daughter's Buffy. Keep going. It's Buffy. Keep going. It's really good. Do you live around here? Yes. You have to justify why you're laughing now. I think you have to do the new Joyful part. I'm laughing because I'm shy.

Oh, they just called your number. Oh, I can't wait. What are you here for? Oh, I just needed to get my, well, I needed my license to be renewed, but I'm also hoping to meet someone. Well, good luck, I guess, with both. Oh, okay.

That's it, we got to the fucking end and you didn't interrupt. No, now you have to justify why you're saying that to a wall, by the way. It's only you two in the DMV. Oh, it's only us? It's only us DMV? Isn't it weird, no one showed up to work yet? Yeah, well, it is two in the DMV. It's only us? And all of us DMV? Isn't it weird?

No one showed up to work yet. Yeah, well, it is 3 in the morning. So what do you expect? Oh, my daughter Buffy might know. You keep referencing her, and I do appreciate it. I'm going to hit the sack. It's way too early for this conversation. The sack.

Good night. Well, now, Amir, you're out of the scene. You walked off stage. And it's just me alone. It's just Joyce Summers. I thought it would work this time. New Joys. Oh my god.

New Joys. Okay, I'm working on my little novel. Seem! Joyce Cowell. Love her. Yeah. Guys, that was incredible. That was actually really good.

That was really good. Just someone just transcribed that, because that was a proof of concept. 100%. That's a pie. By the way, that's the show. What show? Behind the Paywall. Forget the podcast. That's the sitcom that we're going of concept. 100%. That's a pie, by the way, that's the show. What show?

Behind the Paywall, forget the podcast. That's the sitcom that we're gonna shoot. That's really good. Joyce, Summers, and Anthony? Yeah. Because at some point, mid-season one, guess who shows up? Buffy?

Buffy, oh right, the daughter. I thought a new Joyce would come in. We're done with that? That was just to generate ideas. Now it's suddenly- I forgot that I was being Buffy Summers' mom, right? I read. For sure, because you kept talking about Buffy.

You brought her up a lot. Yeah. And I like that you were at the DMV to try and meet somebody. That too. But it was also three in the morning. I mean. What I like is that-

Kind of thirsty. We already have the tension of we have the problem. The problem is that she's trying to pick up Anthony. Anthony's disinterested and over the course of a season, eventually she breaks him down until he starts to understand that she's actually flirting with him. It was really hard to call for a new Joyce because Joyce was the most interesting thing.

Yeah, I was gonna say, part of that may be actually our fault for casting. I wonder if there's a recast. Anthony has to be me. There's no other Anthony it could be. I think Anthony has to be Mackie. I can see that. All right, here we go.

This scene is gonna be between Casey and Anya. You're stuck in traffic. And an Uber. Ah. Oh my God. The cake is coming back, boys. I'm allergic to coca. And an Epoxy. The cake is coming back, boys. I'm allergic to coca. Oh, and the epilogue. You're stuck in traffic in an Uber Black.

I hope we make our flight, this traffic is crazy. Well, I'm sorry, I'm driving as fast as I can, despite the traffic. I didn't wanna be passive aggressive to you, myber driver. That's okay. My name is joy I gotta catch this flight. Okay. Hope you make it. Thank you nothing. I can do there's so many cars Thank you. Do you like being an uber driver? Is this your car? I'm throwing so many questions. Is this your car? Do you rent it? No, I use my car and there's like depreciation

I don't get enough money back for like the gas or anything like that So I don't like it and it doesn't make me any, and I'm part of like kind of like the pause sorry Can we pause yeah? I feel like you got a good new choice at this point Sorry the best. Sorry just you guys are stay in it stay dropped in We're just gonna talk the best coaches let their players like okay Yeah, I mean dry spell we got it. They let them we got stay in the game Heat up not get in their heads because they don't have that voice in their head You know power gas all didn't have that voice in the head from Phil Jackson

It's like oh shit if I fuck this up if I miss this next shot Phil Jackson's gonna take me out because Phil Jackson would Leave them in the fire let them go fucking back to the scene I get it Go action As I was saying, I don't really like being an Uber driver. New Joyce. Happy? Sorry, am I the new Joyce? You're the new, you are Joyce,

so you're a completely new Joyce now. Still an Uber driver. Sure. We're still in the Uber black. Correct. Okay, I'm now a new Joyce, but I'm still here driving YouTube. Do you like being an Uber driver? I actually love it. Wow. New now a new Joyce, but I'm still here driving you to think do you like being an uber driver?

I actually love it Wow your choice new Joyce No, the whole thing is your your joy chose to be Joyce But now you have to be a different kind of Joyce Maybe one I mean I don't want to do your work for you, but maybe one doesn't like an uber driver I feel neutral about being an uber driver sometimes. It's good and sometimes. It's bad. Oh, okay, that's The least interesting answer I could have gotten from asking that question And thanks thanks again, can we do the scene? No, by the way new Joyce just means you repeat the sentence you just said but change it basically you that's you just made up

That rule no new Joyce Okay, you just made up that rule I Didn't look these are my rules these are the the rules of the uber app and and I'm just trying to Yeah, what's your character's name? You haven't said anything you keep cutting us off What's your character's name the game of the sea just tell me what his name is You want me to tell you or my scene partner out of the scene? What's his name? And we'll go back to the scene Gary action new Gary I don't like the character you've created. It's not supporting Joyce all eyes are on Anya

But she's only as good as you set her up to be she doesn't remember what Joyce she is and I'm a new Gary neutral Joyce. No, I think it's been another we're there. No, there's a new One last last ish effort action Action anything you say from now on it's in the scenes and I'm a new Gary you have to justify that And that's what they said to me before it's in the scene. And I'm a new Gary? You have to justify that. We are in the scene. I'm a new Gary? And that's what they said to me before I got in the Uber. That's so nice that you're new. Maybe like there's like your experience can change.

I didn't know I changed. I thought I was always the old Gary. That's what everyone would call me. Old Gary. Here's old Gary. I'm a little nervous because I picked up someone named Gary and I'm kind of wondering who this Gary is. Yeah, and who are you? I'm Joice. And how do is. Yeah, and who are you safe? I'm Joyce

And how do you feel about being an uber driver? Do you like it? Do you not like it or a neutral or something different? I hate it. Have I done that? You fucking spoiled the scene with your chain I didn't enjoy that and to be to be I don't know if everyone here knows this have you done an improv 101? Yeah, I've never done one so that was my first you were doing pretty good, and I it was really no We all think the scene was great. It was really hard and it's all usually I thought you did great. I don't know usually you don't get interrupt. That was this complete another success usually if they fell Jackson it No, usually you don't get interrupted. That was a complete and utter success.

Usually they fell jacks in it. Chicago. All right, here we go. But then why didn't we do that this time, for me? This is gonna be Casey and Allie, and you guys are meeting your respective college roommate. Okay. Joyce!

It's me, Joyce! And you, of course, are Elizabeth. Yeah, you read the form right. I read the form right, and we're waiting for our new roommate, right? Oh yeah, like us, well, it's just us. Coed dorm. I thought, sorry, I thought we were waiting for another, a third.

Oh man, maybe later if we're lucky. Freshman year's gonna be amazing! Oh, it's gonna be so good. What do you think you're gonna major in? Being awesome. Hey, is this 109? Sorry, yeah. The triple. Yeah, this is the triple.

Are you our new roommate? I'm Joyce, this is Elizabeth. I'm Elizabeth. You are? My name is the triple. Are you our new roommate? I'm Joyce, this is Elizabeth. I'm Elizabeth. And you are? My name is Boyd. Boyd? But you can call me has a gun Boyd. What?

Has a gun Boyd? No! Joyce, Joyce has a gun! Why has a gun Boyd? I don't. Oh no, Joyce! What are you doing? Be a new Joyce.

See I justified it. I have a gun and I want to do that. Oh my God. I don't know what are you doing be a new Joyce See I justified it I have a gun and I won't make God Hello, it's me But you out of the scene can just call new Joyce and then Joyce's reaction you suck You suck at this. Can you point that gun somewhere else? Put it down, put it down, man. Come on, has a gun, boy. And who are you?

Are you in the scene now? I think I'm the director. I think you're our RA. Yeah, that's new Joyce. Anthony. Anthony. By the way, Anya, you're the only, pause. You're the only one who's not in the scene now,

so you're the one calling new Joyce, by the way. I got it, I got it. Yeah, okay, great, action. So you want it, now that the gun is down, what are we supposed to do? Well, you're the only one who's not in the scene now, so you're the one calling new Joyce, by the way. Okay, great, action. So you want it, now that the gun is down, what are we supposed to do? Well, you're supposed to meet each other in a kind of carefree fashion, but you ruined that a little bit

with your choice of bringing a gun. It was casual, I just did have a gun, but that's sort of my thing. And you pointed it at me, Joyce. They call me has a gun boyed because I have a gun. If I lose the gun, I'm still has a gun boyed. But people. So again, your name is a gun boy.

You more new boy. You heard me wrong. It's actually I can has a gun boy. So I'm basically begging for a pistol uh-huh Like some people are like oh like like you meet a Peter, and he's like oh call me pistol Pete Yeah, so why is this any different? I can has a gun boyed I? Can has a gun now you're asking I has a gun now He's got a bigger gun and he pointed it at me again

Gun now. Oh, he's got a bigger gun and he pointed it at me again. New Joyce. No, you're not supposed to do it, only I'm doing it. I like this Joyce. No, I'm in the scene wanting it to be a different Joyce. I'm gonna hop in front of Joyce. Oh my god, Elizabeth, we just met. But I'll do it for you,

cause you're my roommate. Shoot her! What? She's an assassin. She wanted dead or alive. I created a fake. Scene. I don't wanna go down whatever weird meandering hole that is. She's an assassin! She wanted dead or alive! I created a fake- Scene. I don't wanna go down whatever weird meandering hole that is. Way to go, man.

Same problem. Way to fucking go. You instituted two guns. I instituted a great segment, and you soured the shit. Oh, guys, that was new joy. Yeah And those are the only segment we recorded the only segments we recorded. Yeah, maybe save the other Behind the paywall. Yeah, we did start another segment that Anya said was gonna get the episode pulled from Spotify

Yeah, she said it was too left of center, which I don't really understand what that means But maybe once the patreon is up and running we can have the people weigh in on well I it was happy we want more gun content and has a gun boy. Yeah Yeah, the next time it was new boy Guys plugs, what do you have going on? What do you want to point the people towards? Sorry, only one thing we can say this week my Instagram Only one thing we can say this week. My Instagram. Oh!

Ends right there. No, guys, we are starting a HeadGum Patreon. The perks to begin with at $5 a month, just $5 a month to support the show, include four episodes of the podcast a month, one sketch a month, the sketches are back. Finally. And more to come, especially as the Patreon grows.

So get over there, subscribe. We've got a killer episode coming out next Friday. Haven't recorded, haven't even outlined the shit. We're gonna have a poll. What? We're gonna have a poll on the Patreon so you can decide what segments are gonna be. And we're going live. We're going live.

If you're listening to this. Ooh, you don't know what. Everyone just yell at stuff. Everyone yell stuff that might be there. There will be a poll and you can like decide which segments are gonna be on the first paywalled episode, that's gonna be fun. We'll be live on YouTube today at a time,

the time's right here. Oh, that's beautiful. So if you're watching or listening to this on Friday, June 20th, that's right Go subscribe and hop on that live stream where we're gonna be having a ton of fun trying to get to 100 followers Let's see if we can do it. Yeah, so we're gonna try and get to 100 on the first day And that one will be hosted by has a good boy did I read that correctly? There might be a guest appearance by has a gun. We haven't confirmed with his people

What about I can has good boy? Did I read that correctly? There might be a guest appearance by Hazagun. We haven't confirmed with his people. What about Iken Hazgun? Boyd. What about Joyce Summers? Joyce! Guys, come on. Her butt. She's just characters. She's just characters we created.

Everyone's gonna be able to see way more of at Patreon.com. They don't want more of it. Lucy's gonna come soon. It's an IP that we want to develop going forward. Joyce meets Boyce. Into what? At the D&D.

Develop it into what? NFTs. Boyd shows whole at $10,000. That's really good. I love that actually, I don't even mind. No, that's her email. Boyd shows whole at $10,000. But guys, it's really gonna be fun.

I know it's a shift, but I am very excited about this. I think that the stuff we're gonna get to make, because we'll be subscriber supported, is going to be funnier, more consistently funny. Yeah, just funny. It's going to be funny. It's gonna be funny, it's gonna be great. And it's gonna be higher production value and stuff.

We're gonna get to do some stuff and get to do some ideas that I've wanted to do for like two years But we just haven't had the support from ads. So now we get the support from y'all So you guys get to come on this ride with us and keep the show going better stronger and forever What do you mean higher production value? Oh, we gotta go The episodes on a fucking Airy Flex. Because what a flex. I think that if he knows that people are paying for these videos, he will remember to press record.

I don't wanna commit to that. New Jeff. Bring the mic back, we're not done. Copywritten songs, depressed or nah, starts now. Jeff, I still have my surprise for you. Why didn't you say it on the show? I was waiting for you to say something, but it doesn't have to be on camera. Okay. I made you a collage to celebrate your last video episode.

Of course this needs to be in. Don't lie to me. I made you a collage to celebrate your last video episode. Cause I found- Of course this needs to be in. Well, that last video episode, last free video episode. Yes, well I found a little guy that reminded me of you. So then I sort of built out an entire collage that reminded me of you.

Is the giraffe because of Toys R Us? Well, it's because we have really long legs and then you're wearing cowboy boots and so is the giraffe because of Toys R Us? Well, it's cut. Yeah, it's because of your long legs, and then you're wearing cowboy boots, and so is the giraffe. Um, I got measured for a shirt. You really get measured for a shirt. Oh, well that, I can tell you about the shirt. So the shirt is because I think that you are on the right side of history in covering up Ansel Elgort's face, but you like Rachel Ziegler, but you also have fun fashion sense, so I thought that this would be a right cool way

for you to sort of like say that you're a feminist. You just want me to dress like Aladdin. I mean, you are Brown Jordan. Brown Jordan, Brown Noise, that's really good. But yeah, and then this is me. Is this because of my tattoo? Yes, that's because of your tattoo. This is me waiting to roll calls.

Because you used to be my manager's assistant? Yep. Yeah. Oh, and. We you used to be my manager's assistant. Yep. Yeah. Oh, and- We're both in a better place than that. And then there's- I actually have a fun insider thing to do. And then there's rice,

which I have to glue a little more. Fisher price, you said? No, that's rice. Rice, of course. How long does something like this take you? Find out at gluingshitontpaper.twitch. That's not the thing. And it's signed.

Twitch.tv slash gluingshitontpaper. Yeah. Sorry, we had to condense all the plugging to the Patreon LA. I don't care. You should have Glee's right in front of you. I really just was excited to find a mustached guy. Oh, the Chelsea Hotel. Oh yeah, and also Jeff Daniels, a cartoon of him because you're an actor.

That's really great. I mean, who do I want to be other than Jeff Daniels? I love Jeff Daniels. I just watched Jeff Daniels, one of my favorite movies last night, Something Wild, great movie. I've never seen it I think you'd love it. I love him and oh, oh Is this cactus cuz you think I'm on mescaline? I don't know it I don't know what mescaline is sometimes you're well you're you're thin and you're sometimes you could be a little prickly

This is amazing and that guy does look like me Yeah, and you know what? Yeah, I did it on a live stream and everybody was like this I said doesn't this look like Jeff and everyone said yes, and then I built it out from there. This is incredible Okay, yeah vulnerability ink. Yeah, that sounded like a segment you'd come up with So stay tuned to the patreon our first segment is gonna be vulnerability ink It was awful. That was a Hidgum Original.

Hi there, my name is Allison Williams. If you know who I am at all, it would probably be thanks to my job as an actress on shows like Girls and in movies like Megan. Recently, when I was having a moment of gratitude for my group chat, I thought, I wish everyone could have these geniuses at their fingertips like I do. Well, now you do. Hi, hi, it's Hope. Hey babe, it's Jamie.

Welcome to our podcast, Landlines, where we share our life-sustaining and shame-extinguishing friendship. We have known each other and we've been friends for a very long time. Hope was my first best friend, but it wasn't mutual. I mean, was it? I asked, I distinctly remember calling her on the phone and asking if she had a crush long time. Hope was my first best friend, but it wasn't mutual. I mean, it wasn't. I asked, I distinctly remember calling her on the phone and asking if she'd sit next to me on the bus, and she said maybe.

She didn't say no. She said maybe. She was meaner. She wasn't sure. Maybe he was like discerning. When I was pregnant, I started this group chat to prepare and crowdsource, and it's been such a delight to troubleshoot with our friend group

and we just had this thought should we invite other people into our group chat. I'm a therapist, I'm a trained early childhood educator and I'm well you know whatever I am I guess someone who has the vibe of having it all together and still the three of us find it hard to be moms, partners, friends, family members, professional women and and just, you know, adults. The stuff we're talking about, whatever the recent fight was with our partner or the parenting concern we have or a funny thing with our kids, or it's like, what's going on with my body? I feel like I have like a family of squirrels living in my lower abdomen.

Like, I feel affirmed, I feel normalized, I feel like I'm not going fucking crazy. And I had to talk it out with you guys with different perspectives and different identities that you're juggling. Totally. Lifelong friendship has been our lifeline. We sincerely hope our conversation makes you feel less alone in whatever you're going through. So subscribe to landlines on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, Pocket Casts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

New episodes are out now on Headcom. Love you.