The Headgum Podcast - 29: What the Hell is Even That

Episode Date: December 18, 2020

Marty, Amir, and Marika join Geoff to discuss the Moderna vaccine, Marty's newest tattoo, and cholesterol. Plus, Geoff bullies everyone more than normal!Subscribe to the new Headgum podcast Keeping Records on your favorite podcast app!Advertise on The Headgum Podcast via Gumball.fmRate The Headgum Podcast 5-stars on Apple Podcasts.Join the Headgum Discord.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Original. Sorry, I have to start over. Vaccine sitting on my own garage. Vaccine, oh shit. One more time. No, you have to keep both of those in this all needs to be in I want everyone to know how you messed up twice but yes for the third time let's hear vaccine sitting in my own garage

that was you saying it correctly so let's see vaccine sitting in my own garage. I took 20 doses of Moderna's Vax. I can't see. You were only waiting for the Pfizer vaccine. I can't hear. I

can't breathe. Took 20 vaxes and that's all right. Nice. That's the end? Welcome to the Edgum Podcast. core four back at it again rika brownlee on the sack wait we're not yeah you can't just you can't just fucking power

through what we just heard you tried so many times you ad-libbed it in the end that ruined music you made the Beatles a bad band are you kidding that did that that made the Beatles in your story you took one of the vaccines 20 times and now you're blind and deaf which makes sense because you sing like garbage

and we what did you say we took the Pfizer one and we're fine and then you took 20 more doses everyone's waiting on the Pfizer vaccine and then I fine and then you took 20 more doses everyone's waiting on the Pfizer vaccine and then I'm first while I took 20 doses of Moderna all right with us is never before Marika Brownlee

on the sacks Marty Michael at what is it Amir always on the move always on the prowl at, what is it? You have to bleep that out. And then Amir, always on the move, always on the prowl. Three words to describe each of you. Marika. To describe my... Calm, cool, collected, signed, sealed, delivered. There's six words.

Marty. Marty, Division I athlete. Amir. It's kind of interesting. Go for it. You just, yeah. Marty, Division I athlete. Amir. Hmm. It's kind of interesting. Go for it. You had six for Marika, and then you did Marty's really fast. It could be anything for me.

Emmy not-manated. I guess he made up a word for you, which is kind of cool. That's good. All right. As long as I'm a comedian still. But that's only two words, right? No, not. That's three words.

Emmy not-minated. So you have not been nominated, right? That's cool. That's true. Yeah, I have not. I have not been. But is that one? That's only two words, isn't it?

You said three words. Emmy nominated. Oh, comedian. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. How's everybody doing? After that, I really don't know. Early.

But before that, let's say, how were we doing before that? Just because, like, yeah. Better? Fine. Happy. It's a Friday that we're recording this. Excited for the weekend. Friday, December 11th. This will go up a week from today december 18th nice would you say today's a friday or is it just

a friday when was the last time you had a good one on that front, right? What did you do to work out? What's that? Sorry, you're about to do some sort of stupid Dr. Evil thing, so I'm glad I cut that off. What did you do to work out? I did back. So? How? What did you do for your back? Well um well you know i like to take a holistic approach

so um i took my accutane or sorry my bacutane okay for the acne style because i've been taking i've been doing five i've been doing 1500 grams of protein a day um and that can't help but lead to acne everywhere yeah uh warts and all so um and then by the time i kind of lathered up the bacutin i didn't even have time to work out acutin's a pill so your workout was what smearing a topical ointment on your back yeah well it's hard you know i'm trying to like reach behind and like lather it because like my brother-in-law wouldn't do it for me yeah um but uh no and i'm glad that you mentioned that bacutane is a pill but so i crushed it up kind of made a simple syrup out of it froze it and then as it was melting it turns into a lotion of sorts. Yuck. Marty?

Dr. Michael, my father, is really excited about the new vaccine. You mentioned warts. This is what made me think of this. I guess now with this mRNA thing that they're using, my dad was pumped that they might have a cure for warts now. And he's a foot doctor so i just assume i guess he deals with mostly warts i'm not sure but he was very he did like a really like in the air fist pump for it wow that's awesome just for warts imagine dealing with mostly warts all day

yeah for better or for warts nice have you guys ever had a wart no you're lying to yourself Marika what do you mean you definitely I can see so accusingly with the limpest finger I can already see 30 warts yeah I don't think I've had a wart

are warts only on your feet or like can you get a wart anywhere on your body genital warts are a thing, so it could be anywhere. So a wart is just what, a viral or bacterial infection? A sore? I think it's viral. I think that's the whole point, yeah. That's why the M-

So the difference between a pimple and a wart is virality. Versus bacteriality, yeah. Whoa. Holy shit, I've never seen you like this Marty it's being a homeowner that's kind of changed it up for you you've kind of you have a newfound confidence what's that address again

I think it's again you gotta bleep that out Ferris will Marika what about you I don't even know what you're asking me anymore have I is it have I had words how's your day been what have you been up to this week do you want to do you want to fill us in a little bit

what you've been working on at the network um I can answer the first part because I did have something interesting happen to me this week which was I had to get a root canal uh which was a lot does that hurt as much as they say like the you know the classic thing is like the root canal is the most painful of the dental experiences did you find that to be the case um i'd say it was it was definitely the worst dental experience i've had but i have had to get fillings pretty frequently and it's kind of on par with that uh i had to do

it in two parts like the the first part was painful because i went to the dentist with a toothache and they were like you have to get a root canal and then the second part that happened this week was not like i didn't feel anything but i had a i could see just a giant like one inch drill going into my mouth uh and like feel it moving around in terms of like being able to hear where it was in my head so that was and like i couldn't it didn't hurt anything but but just like, it was that for like 30 minutes, just in and out, just like adjusting things. And then it goes back in. Imagine choosing that as your profession where it's like, I think if I could do anything

in life, I want to drill people's teeth and gums. That's sort of the dream for me. I want to drill bone. The question is what area and how how about crunch bone i had six teeth removed and to get them removed at one point they had they reached into my mouth with pliers and just crushed the teeth and then removed the crumble good six teeth removed yeah from is that true yeahvocaine or? You know that I'm not creative enough to make this stuff up. Pliers?

They just, like, what is this, the 1800s? What are you in pliers? Nice. I'm in pliers that I got my teeth removed when I was 14-ish before braces to start making room for my adult teeth. Oh. And they numb you, thankfully, but then they reach in there and you can just hear it. It's just like crunch,

crunch, crunch, crunch, crunch. Yeah, the noise is the worst part of dentistry in my opinion. What about the smell? The smell of like the drill through the bone. Like burning. Well, I had to,

part of the same procedure is getting your gums like reshaped for the teeth that are coming and that's just flesh burning. So that's a nice smell. just flesh burning so that's a nice smell oh my god it's really it's a devastating thing to have happen to you as a 14 year old yeah yeah that was your this is trauma no this is therapy for marty do you know how many teeth

you have left i think the normal amount actually i never got my wisdom teeth which makes a lot of sense because you're stupid. They never came in or? I don't know. I don't think they exist in my mouth. I'm not really sure. I was the same way. They're like, some people just don't get wisdom teeth.

Yeah. Does that mean you're not wise? No, it means we're evolved. But you idiots got them removed or something? Yeah. Yeah. Marty has a lot of warts on his hand when he went like that. On his palm too, which doesn't seem possible how if uh if the root canal is the most painful and shittiest dentist dental experience i think getting your wisdom teeth out is the best

because they put you on laughing gas and then they put you under and like i i don't do drugs really but that's like that's i i would do laughing gas in a heartbeat i never got laughing gas i just got put out you should try other drugs if you like laughing gas you love laughing gas but i don't there are kids listening marty i can't say that i do drugs that's cool it's just like if you like the effects of drugs you should do other drugs wait don't they don't put you under right are you aren't you awake for wisdom teeth i was under so why do they give you the laughing gas it's like it seems like if you're already unconscious they just want you to enter it in a funny state you asked for it yeah it's to me that good stuff well i think it does help you it eases you into and out of the anesthesia so um yeah because because there is pain afterwards like the 24 hours

after it does suck but you get to eat a lot of ice cream you do that anyway i've seen you do it all the time well yeah i'll like kind of it's like a thousands movie and i'll like be on a hamburger phone you know eating ice cream and crying about like somebody who like didn't want to go to prom with me okay I'm sorry to hear that sacks all right marika takes the reins everybody's favorite segment just you're the host for the next two minutes it's so that's such a burden to put on me especially how do you think i feel i have to do this every week yeah but you can prepare you just don't and that's the thing this is off the cuff for me um am i allowed to ask questions or is this a yeah i mean marty's not even he's just looking out his window he

doesn't care um i know i know that i'm not the host so i was just waiting for a question um you know it's almost the holidays what what's everyone looking forward to receiving for christmas or another holiday well here's the thing that's some holidays have already started marinka so let's say no let's uh day two of hanukkah is that correct let's see the hanukkiah tattoo i mean it, it is the season, right? There it is. What is that? That's a dinosaur Hanukkiah.

You should light it. That looks like Italy. It's actually a Mario Batali tattoo. It's Italy. Wasn't he canceled? Whatever. Yeah, I'm going to have to remove that part of my arm you find out that he's a horrible guy after you get the tattoo during what oh yeah just make it italy then i know that guy or fuck worse a dinosaur hanakia yeah i went in to get a batali tattoo and i came out with a menorah

thus is life it's a ted talk about adaptability in the modern workplace ama um a what about this ampma which is so it's it's it's amir going live and only answering questions about the ampm commercials he used to do one of the first times amir and i ever hung out outside of work well it was still for work but it was on ampm shoot that i sold beautiful so that commercial was actually marty's brainchild oh kind of all right was fine. Well, at the very least, he organized a brainstorm and then chose that idea from a list of 12

that writers sort of put together for the sales team. Do you remember the mascot for AMPM at the time? Yeah, Tumgus. Yeah, Tumgus. It was just an amalgamation of all the snacks they had

just stacked on top of each other. TMGS, too much good stuff yeah the mascot was tomb guess which was a dancing christmas tree filled with candy it looked like cinnamon rolls red licorice the whole thing i thought it would uh it was like fungus with a t t obviously standing for tolerance. That's good. Tungus. Are we still in the Marika part or is she like done now? It's like back to Jeff. Well, you guys didn't answer the question. Marty, why don't you talk about eggnog? I know you're looking forward to receiving that. Eggnog season.

Yeah, it's eggnog season. For those who don't know, it's the one time a year where you can go to your local grocer and right next to the milk, you're going to see a little bit of a thicker beverage called eggnog. It's eggs, milk, sugar, maybe some cinnamon. I add it to my coffee. I add it to my cereal. I add it to my shower.

You add eggnog to cereal? Yeah, why not? It's just- That's so much sugar. It's just a milk alternative. A substitute. It's not absolutely not it's a milkshake yeah go check your starbucks out so much more you'll see it

there under milk substitutes i don't have the starbucks app oh you should download it you get good stars in coffee i'll give you coffee but also you were gonna say you take it to shower like a shower nog like a shower beer no i don't remember that i got it amir what are you looking forward to uh are you currently celebrating hanukkah what's the what's the and what's the idea yeah well every night you sort of light a candle so we did that last night uh today my mom is delivering a litany of hanukkah food so i guess i'm looking forward to that like latkes and stuff that we didn't make over here maybe some matzo ball soup so that'll be good the whole point of hanukkah is to just eat fried oily foods which is a pretty solid deal for

over a week for sure yesterday i saw a latke that was the size of a like a pan that it was being cooked in and now i really want to make that it's just like wow a solid chunk of potato. Yeah, like a dense hash brown the size of a frisbee. A patty, yeah. Yeah. I think good latkes are hard to make. Yeah, because it's not just shredded potato. You have to like mix it into a flour mixture. Otherwise, it just like crumbles apart like hash browns.

So it's hard to use egg. And if it's too thick, it's bad. Do you do it in a food processor? No. I think you shred it in a food processor or you can, but then you also have to like mix it almost like a, I don't know enough about it. Cocktail. What's that?

Nothing. But no, not like a cocktail, almost like a cake, a potato cake. Well, I guess it is a potato pancake. It's eggs, flour, and I think maybe even a little eggnog or milk or whatever. You're just adding eggnog to everything. Absolutely not eggnog. Yeah. But it's hard.

They're hard to make because if they're too thick, they're bad. And if they're too thin, they crumble. It's like, where's the, you know, the happy medium is a really, it's an exact science. That's right. Can I say a hot take? Can I say something that, and you guys can dispute it if you want or agree. Okay. Go for it.

The best, sorry, I want to gather my thoughts here. You didn't have a thought? The best foods come in patties. Burgers. Pancakes. Latkes. Locks. No.

Chicken. Fries. If you mash them up. latkes lox chicken fries mash them up you mash your fries up into a patty yeah into a hash the second best foods come in hash you got your corned beef your rounds

your rounds your sandies eggs lox the third best foods come in strips chicken bacon fish

chicken lox patties nog the fourth best drinks come in nogs Marika what about you what are you looking forward to most for the holidays Fourth best drinks come in Nog's. Marika, what about you?

What are you looking forward to most for the holidays? I was looking forward to trying to find a Christmas tree because my roommate and I haven't put one up in our house in a while, but I haven't been able to find anywhere near that has one, which is kind of disappointing. What about dwayne reed no dwayne reed does not sell because there's a mayor lyric there's a john mayor lyric and it's like you'll you know how lonely it is to see a little drugstore christmas tree

oh that's nice i assume that's like a fake one that you can buy? Real. Eight foot. Okay. No, yeah. Like one of the fake ones with the plastic, the lights, the pre-everything. The six best foods come pre-everything. TV dinners. Kids cuisine. Hot pockets.

Hot sockets. That's where you grill chicken from an electrical outlet in an emergency hot sockets what a dangerous fucking food that would be you're afraid to tell kids that you've maybe tried drugs but you're telling them to cook a hot pocket in an electrical socket lick a lick a lick a spork and shove it into an outlet if you're under the age of nine how's ohio man i am alone in this world you're in a closet it looks like that's for you you're supposed to feel most you know again my childhood bedroom i have a lofted bed up there and i don't know why that got me because i could actually believe that you grew up in a closet just like the type of person you are he's a harry potter of himself yeah you keep changing my name

because you're the admin on slack to trog trog trog jeff ledite who does you okay Ferris cut this out wow home is good home is supposed to be where the heart is where you feel most at the most safe but you know every night is like being fed to like that the wolf's den my family just picks me apart appearance personality you know life goals yeah lot lot to work with yeah that'd be one they threw potato pancakes at my ears you wouldn't shut up about how patties were your favorite food drowning with the patties the feeling of getting your ears boxed it It's that, but with locks. It was two potatoes. Okay. Just two smoked salmon just on my ears.

You ever been slapped with a fish? That's like something that's kind of comical, right? You pitching an AMPM commercial, I guess.

So Tumgus picks up the big salmon. I've never been slapped with a fish no really you know like the trope of like a guy is an asshole and breaks up with a woman and like a rom-com but really it's like it's the woman that nobody wants him to be with they we want him to be with like this other girl uh and so like she like is at the coffee shop or like a bar and like takes her drink and tosses it on his face and he's like i probably deserved that so it's that but with just like they're at a deli and he just takes the bagel and just tosses locks at his eyes and he's like the full slice on his face and he's like i probably deserved that

and the studio audience applauds and he slowly drips into his mouth for a nice little snack. Now that's Russ and Daughters. Everybody laughs. Right? Yeah, Seinfeld. Dietzen-Watson. How was that? Loxbrand, I think.

Sorry about that, guys. Dietzen-Watson? Am I am i wrong marika say something i don't want you to be right this show is sponsored by BetterHelp. You know, if you had an extra hour in your day, a lot of people would spend that very differently than the one sitting next to them. Maybe person A would go for a run, person B would take a nap,

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of your health start with ag1 try ag1 and get a free one year supply of vitamin d3 k2 and five free ag1 travel packs with your first purchase exclusively at drinkag1.com slash what's that again that's drinkag1.com slash what's that? Again, that's drinkag1.com slash what's that? Check it out. People keep bringing this up. This is something I wanted to wax about just for a couple minutes. People keep being like,

how is this show going to change? Because we've never done it in studio. A, are you guys going to be willing to do it in studio? B, are we just going to always do it from home? C, how do you think the dynamics will change if you had to guess in studio versus this first of all the last one's not an option first two were fully options last one a question unrelated to the options um i think it'll be interesting because if we do record it in the studio it will probably always be at least still over some sort of technology because we're split on different

coasts so that poses a weird dynamic that can bring even more or less to the table, depending on how you look at it. Interesting. Yeah. That's my fear. The fear of it being better or worse. And not the same. That's, that says it all.

My fear is change. Yeah. Yeah. Like I hate Trump, but I am dreading inauguration day because it's a new president yeah because it's something's different that day and onwards i mean i'll deal with because then after that it becomes the new norm and i love it it's cool so just a really mm-hmm so I'm sorry to hear best savory baked good

let's hear it cinnamon roll that's not savory the way I make it with eggnog with Dietz and Watson it's all salt instead of frosting it's a bun of sorts with lox rolled into it It's all salt instead of frosting.

It's a bun of sorts with lox rolled into it. Eggnog icing. Did I say cinnamon bun? I meant cinnamon hun. That sounds even sweeter. So you changed the not sweet part and you added sugar to it. It means hun, hold the frosting.

Okay. Add the locks. I guess cinnamon without sugar is kind of spicy rather than sweet. Thanks, man. That's interesting. So like it's in original form. You can use it in savory things. You guys remember like the height of Guy Fieri's like, you know, fame where it was just like, oh, yeah, let's do a burger.

But, you know, where it was just like oh yeah let's do a burger but you know donuts for the bun so what about that with like fully just an absolute cinnabon like icing and all it it that's also a cinnamon roll it could be considered a patty so that's like three patties stacked patalicious patalicious definitious makes them buns go sinna salty this might be the worst episode of the podcast that we've done so far each one I do kind of gets worse

Amir's giving us nothing he's clearly answering emails or texts about basketball Marika's tired and overworked Marty's in his new house just basking in the glory, neglecting his dog, and I'm in a closet. Yeah, but that could describe

most of the episodes. So, like, I don't understand why you think this one is any better or worse. If anything, you should love it because it's been

exactly the same. It's true. You don't like change, remember? Exactly. the same it's true you don't like change remember exactly all right welcome to mean or vaccine so uh this is a game show uh winner takes all and um basically you just have to tell me whether I'm being mean or if I'm giving a fact about the vaccine

alright capiche capiche barely but just let's play and we'll figure it out Marty can I get a capiche a capiche alright here we go

no buzzing in. Just yell it out. Pfizer is working closely with the U.S. government, including state officials, on vaccine distribution. Vaccine. Vaccine. Correct. Marty Michael. Ten dollars to the man in gray.

All right, here we go. Next one. Marty, your legs are arachnid. Vaccine. It's mean yeah marika you got it right ten dollars to marika you guys keep counting i'll venmo you after the hell nothing there's a lot of like dogs barking around here so i'm sort of keeping myself on mute

got it all right uh marika ever heard of manhattan mean i guess correct it's twenty dollars for marika she's in the lead i'm here all right here we go um in the u.s uh vaccine distribution approach will be largely... Mean. It's vaccine. It has to be vaccine. It's about the rollout plan.

That was a quick one from Amir. That was actually impressive. All right, Amir, how many floors does your house have again? Actually answer the question. One mean. Yeah, exactly. I guess. Correct.

You guys are good at this game. Here we go. Marty, a house isn't really a home if you have no one to share it with, right? Exactly. I guess. Correct. You guys are good at this game. Here we go. Marty, a house isn't really a home if you have no one to share it with, right? Mean. Vaccine. Obviously incorrect. Marika, you're right.

All right. Here we go. Pfizer will be utilizing road and air modes of transportation for vaccine distribution? Vaccine. Correct. That's $20 to Marty, $20 to Marika, and $10 to Amir. Marika, Broadway called. They want their seats back.

They'd literally rather them be empty and unpaid for than you, me, there at the theater, Richard Rogers or otherwise. i want to hear the whole thing vaccine correct that's 20 to amir you guys are tied at 20 this is neck and neck all right here we go amir podcast network bad business idea mean correct that's $30 to Marika she's pulling ahead what's that? gainfully yeah that's good

oh that's good? yes obviously you're fired for this? I've been a lot of other things too but yeah I guess this is like I don't know i've been like pretty much taking cuts of johnny's salary wow and i get fired for this what's that how i told him hey man like i'm pretty high up in this company i could really help you out if you just give me 20

daddy and he fucking agreed to that what have you done to earn that but i i figured out a back end way through gusto to kind of get a cut of the shit how do you know we use gusto don't know things about our processes just actually never been paid all right after storage of up to 30 days in a thermal shipper vaccine that was actually incorrect let me finish yeah you finished storage for up to 30 days in the thermal shipper a mere wouldn't survive fact it's not it not. It's not. It's meaner vaccine, so I guess I'll say vaccine. Correct!

That's $30. What's that? Marika did say vaccine earlier. In some fucked up way it switched, I think, between when you guessed and when I'm your guess. You know. Marty, what kind of person has two first names anyways?

This one makes me laugh. That one's funny. You don't have that. Jeffrey James. Yours is more so than Martin Michael. You froze, buddy. No, it's not.

It's a moving video. This is taken aback or sad or something. It's hard, you know, because you don't have a choice in your name and like, especially last name, let alone first name. You can change your first name. You can't change your last name. You can actually change both. What?

What about Cornelius Wedge? Salad. Correct! Amir, you guessed the secret word of the game. That's $1,000. What was it? What's that? What was the secret word of the game?

Cornelius, yeah. It's not a word. It's a name. It's a proper noun. Yeah, that's right. Yeah, it's a pronoun. It's not a word it's a name it's a proper noun yeah that's right yeah it's a pronoun it's not okay well i'm pro nouns okay having places people and things isn't bad to have it sure sometimes it strikes me how much you know about random stuff that like maybe you just wouldn't shouldn't or be able to pull off the top of your head yeah i was um listening to last week's episode while i was working out today

and i was doing this thing let me know if you do these marika it's like the um god what are they called um pullovers dumbbell pullovers where you're on the bench and then you like do this and it hits your like lats or in serratus and so like but it's like you know there's there's six there's like 50 pounds above my head and i'm listening to last week's episode and a mere you just listing all the things you would do to correct me as a person i almost dropped it on my face what a way to go that was one of the corrections actually a realignment of sorts all right marika stay in one place right don't move from savannah to chicago to new england to new york city just like settle down you know what i mean

where are you mean i'm correct that's 40 to marika where am i or where's jeff no jeff yeah it's like i'm in well i'm in sugar and falls ohio yeah but where do you live i live in echo park los angeles so you say you're like kind of on the move well yeah and i'll see you like moved twice this year you've been home twice oh you moved twice during the pandemic alone okay i mean we don't have to lambast my fucking ass you moved twice during the pandemic okay like we're trying to like yeah all right we're trying to catch you up on your life you have amnesia or something i get that i get that yeah you should it's a fact about you speaking of facts the various

storage options allow for equitable access to pfizer p to Pfizer's vaccines to areas with differing infrastructure. Vaccine. Correct. Amir, get a massage. No. Your shoulders are tighter than ice. No. Leave me alone.

Mean. Fact. Really? Have you never had a massage? Correct. All right. Final scores. I don't know if I've had a massage.

Marika with $50. Marty withy with 30 amir with 30 and again it's winner takes all of the cash so marika you're only getting paid hang on just give me a fucking second like take your time marika you're only getting paid you're not doing anything else have you guys seen that amir i sent it to you on tiktok last night the um the tiktok where it's like all these kids are in this old guy's house because they said that that hit some guy like gave them access to it and he's like i don't know who you're talking about and he's like freaking out screaming at them and then this one person like whoa wait daddy chill and he's like what the hell is even that what the hell is even that so he's surprised that one of the kids calls him father i think he's

just like it was just like in a voice and it's in the heat of the moment and everyone else is like logically reasoning with him and he's like daddy chill and he's like what the hell is even that here i'll try are you venmoing marika 80 dollars right now 50 she didn't win 80 i thought it was winner takes all obviously this isn't a good tour center. What the hell is even that? That's a good logline for this podcast.

Well, Marika, you said that you want to change the description because let me just pull it up real quick what this podcast description was when we launched it. Join the staff of the HeadGum Podcast Network as they wax idiotic on everything from pop culture to their boss's social security number. Make yourself a drink and come hang. I mean, it's not that far off.

I thought it would be more, less straight-laced than that. It's pretty good, honestly. Yeah. I want to change it, though. To make it clear that we know that this is bad to listen to. What the hell is even that? Do you want to read the description that you sent me last night, Marika? Oh, yeah. I couldn't do that um join the staff of the head gum network as they try to navigate a series of quizzes games and conversation enders poised by their co-worker and agent of chaos

jeffrey james thoughts just read it again this is a meeting now you have an IV drip of eggnog you're gonna die within the hour he's 191 pounds heavier than he was last week well that's what I asked read it again Marty you dodged the question

but I'm actually curious like obviously you were a division one athlete you're in good shape all the whatever that all being said egg nog has i i read that one glass of egg nog has the same amount of cholesterol as two burgers and two sides of fries i actually have uh oh god there's yolk dripping out of his nose right now. He's having a yolk bleed. He's crying egg. You've heard of frying egg? Well, this is crying egg.

What? He's in a cholesterol coma. Do you gain a lot of weight when you drink eggnog? Or is your metabolism so fast that it doesn't affect it actually just tastes so good okay so yeah not an answer to the question i asked even remotely there's no way you could interpret that and think that that was an answer to what i asked. Mariko, read it. Read it again. Oh my God. Marty's having a fucking aneurysm. I did get tested for cholesterol two eggnog seasons ago.

Okay. Don't call them that, but yeah. It was high. That could be a day as far as we know. It was high. It was high. it was really high dangerously high this isn't actually a joke i have high cholesterol personal medical information on the dumbest show on the network and like can we get real for a second because like i really

have to start managing it with like uh a pharmaceutical or something and i'm afraid to pick it up from cbs and what i'm asking you guys is for to be pillars of support in my system okay so what happened you had high cholesterol and then what did you do differently i cut down on the nog but i i there it wasn't dangerously high just you, you know, like make little changes. Less nog. Yeah. More salad. I don't know. It was honestly, they closed the Taco Bell down the street. It was probably a godsend for my health. They turned it into a Starbucks.

That's why I got the app. You're slurring your words. It's 2 p.m. I see 12 sous vide egg bite wrappers right behind you. That's the bird pile. Sous vide. Jesus. Get it together, man.

Also, just an update to our listeners, because I know everybody has a dog in this fight. I pitched the idea of the 60 minutes one on one with Shackle Sam Shackle from HeadGumFame Fame? Nobody knows who she is yet. She hasn't agreed to do the interview From the show they do

Shackle style. What show? This show? Have you talked about her before on this show? Yeah I think a couple weeks ago Has she been on the show? Not yet but in some fucked up way and shout out Shackle if you're listening to this in some ass backwards way I

pitched that idea which was infinitely more daunting than just being a guest one of four on this normal on a regular episode and she was like you know what compared to the 60 minutes CBS deep dive interview on me, like I think I'll come on the show.

So a week from today, she's coming on the show with Angie as well. Wow. Two first timers, two first timers. I also think the last first timers that, uh, you know,

who work at the network full time and haven't come on the show. So I'm excited about that. Who's going to be the fourth there. Um, Jake, Jacob Hurwitz. Holy shit. That's an action packed episode. That'll be like a good? Jake. Jacob Hurwitz. Holy shit. That's an action-packed episode.

That'll be like a good yearly finale if it's not. Yeah. I mean, I was trying to cut the show. Series finale. Yeah. Series, not season in the British way. Plugs. What do you guys have to plug?

Marika, what are you working on at the network or outside of the network that you want to let people know about um when does this come out a week from today interesting you're wondering if you can announce actual big news or not yeah I'll not though

why don't you announce it and then if it's not ready I don't trust I don't trust you I'm not editing next week. Ferris is. That's good. Listen to Keeping Records, a new HeadGum podcast. That's been announced. Well, but it will be available to listen to ideally.

What day of the week are they dropping on the day? I don't know. I haven't figured it out. A week out and we haven't figured this out. Marty, this is what I'm talking about, man. Like we need structure. That's what we don't know I haven't figured out a week out and we haven't figured this out Marty this is what I'm talking about man like we need structure that's what we don't have at this and that's what not having an office has done to the to the fucking company you can incorporate it change it from an LLC to Inc you can become the CEO instead of just co-founder it doesn't fucking matter if we don't

know what day of the week a show is dropping a week out let's get a week if it's monday that's three days from now i'm down jesus christ you're hanging i am calm i'm relaxed i'm screaming it's so weird what bothers you it's so weird to me what you keep on the top of your mind. You really do latch on to specific things. Yeah. We only have so much room in our brains for immediate pull and you waste yours on the weirdest things. It's a lot about me and I

don't like it. Like, forget my cholesterol thing. Don't have that in your back pocket ever again. Marty, anything to plug no sir Amir listen to the head gum podcast on the head gum network you're doing a great job if you're hearing this right now

so just keep it up oh that's what that's my plug too was awful that was a bad plug oh we did by the time this comes up, we did the Buckets podcast that if you like listening to the best part

of this show, me. Wow. Holy shit. Big claim. That's right. Marty, what do you think about Marcus Aldridge possibly going back to Portland? It's not going to happen, but it'd be cool. He's a good basketball player. Actually, I would love it.

Bring him home, baby. Let's get LaMarcus back in Portland. Let's get DeMar back in Toronto. The six. Nice. This is you next week. Sam Shackle, Angie, not knowing what the fuck you're talking about. It's shit about Toronto like we did with Danny but

neither of them are from nor have been there yeah that's in play that feels about right par for the course is Toronto playing in the US yeah didn't they say they're gonna be playing in Orlando or something yeah Tampa for now fucking awful this is like when the

Hornets when they were in new orleans had to play in oklahoma city you don't remember that yeah that was because of a hurricane katrina no i know that i just what the hell is wrong with you i mean it's like how can you bring that up right now this is we're in the throes yeah these families are being uprooted you say oh it's like how can you bring that up right now this is we're in the throes yeah these families are being uprooted you say oh it's like this it's like that talking about it flippantly i mean what the hell is even that nice nice i just think like why can't toronto play in like you know new york like madison square why does it have to be tampa and why did the hornets have to go from new orleans you know like way down yonder

in New Orleans. It's the biggest city without it. Chris Paul had to move to OKC. It's because those cities didn't have teams, so they had empty arenas to play, is the answer you're asking if you want to know. Seattle then. Pascal, Seattle.

Sacks. Sacks. That was a Hiddem Original.