The Headgum Podcast - 33: Call Hurdaddy
Episode Date: January 15, 2021Jake, Micah, and Marika join Geoff to discuss Micah's nightmarishly thin mic, college admissions, and Geoff's actual body count.Subscribe to the new Headgum podcast Keeping Records on your fa...vorite podcast app!Advertise on The Headgum Podcast via Gumball.fmRate The Headgum Podcast 5-stars on Apple Podcasts.Join the Headgum Discord.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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This is a HeadGum Original. Oops, sorry.
Immediately.
Welcome to another edition of the HeadGum Podcast, January 8th, 2021.
With us, never before.
Low energy with the applause, like nothing.
Yeah.
It's been a great week, right?
Which part? the insurrection the successful mission breaching the capital we got him let's get thin microphone micah's take um on this one yeah we
should say we should say with us as never before is marika brownlee, Jake Hurwitz, and Micah Hurwitz. And Micah texted our Slack thing a couple minutes ago saying, hey, my microphone sounds weird and tinny.
And I said, is it connected to GarageBand?
And he said, yeah.
I said, maybe refresh it.
He did.
He said, okay, it sounds a little more normal, but still bad.
And now as soon as he's joined the Zoom, I was like, got it.
It's like a dandelion without all of the things have been blown away.
Wait till you guys hear this in action.
It's going to be bad.
Because it's actually a little worse than it looks.
It's a podium microphone.
It's a ball of fuzz on a shoestring.
That's what it is.
It looks like a Q-tip with a black
felt wrapped around the top of it it's bait that is fishing wire attached it looks like you wanted
to be bob barker for halloween and you're like nine and mom did a bad job making the costume
that's what it looks like it is the drew Drew Carey microphone. The price is wrong.
Yeah, price is right, not whose line.
Yeah.
These labs.
I don't feel like I'm being made fun of because I agree that the microphone is insane.
Look, I'm in on it.
I think the mic is worse than any of you guys.
Jake, did you just watch the Aston game, the Aston Villa game?
You guys.
Jake, did you just watch the Aston game?
The Aston Villa game?
Yeah.
Well, I watched it until the champs went up 4-1 and then I kind of tuned out.
So your boy Grealish is out.
He's not going to win the FA Cup.
No, no, no.
The team's been knocked out from the FA Cup though.
So sorry to say.
Yeah. cup though so sorry to say yeah agreed the problem with the sound effects is like they cut out for us
so there's a one second of us trying to figure out what it is and then there's silence are you
serious maybe it comes back yeah the other
problem with the sound effects is that often as they're coming in jeff is saying oops sorry
which also cuts out the sound even more really i didn't know that you guys yeah i don't want to
put it all on you but that's something that would have been really fucking helpful to know
months i feel like i bring it up constantly but i don't think it's just me
also we just figured out marika's input volume has been lower than it should well
it looked like marika was about to defend it and then
she like put her hand out like
oh hand out like well and just gave up the news jake also looked like he was going to say something
no i i was pointed out to me that um i was being talked over for the last so many episodes and i
was like yeah i'm aware uh but i guess it was the fault of my microphone well you know what it was
i would say i i think it was other there were other
factors at play maybe the edit we marika you and i just recorded on tuesday and i edited the next
day so i had a much more vivid memory of what was said and what i heard and so as i'm editing it i'm
like i don't remember marika saying this and so and, it might be that Amir and I yell a lot,
but also it's like, I didn't hear you say that.
And then the mix sounds different to have.
And now your input volume's at 90 and it sounds great.
But it's partially on Zoom too, right?
Because I feel like Zoom hears people talking
and then they mute other people's mics for-
Yeah, definitely.
Like the people that are responding.
You gotta turn on original sound.
Oh. Stop that from happening. Little Zoom tips for everyone listening. How You gotta turn on original sound to stop that from happening.
Little Zoom tips for everyone listening. How do I turn on original sound? Fuck that shit.
Micah, you look like you just got rejected from your dream
college.
You had a facial expression like,
what am I gonna do now?
Harvard hoodie is slowly
descending on his face.
I already wore it to school.
Hiding in it.
That would be a fun head gum sketch.
Sorry.
Go ahead.
What's the fun head gum sketch?
It'd be a fun head gum sketch to do with Finn is like,
you know,
those videos where it's like a family is huddled around like a,
you know,
the,
the college acceptance thing.
And it's usually like a family where it's like,
maybe it's the first generation that would be going to college and they get
into Harvard and then it goes viral.
So it'd be Finn and,
you know,
everybody at the office huddled around his acceptance thing or his whatever
from like Princeton.
And he just like gets,
or for the joke,
it would have to be,
I guess,
something way easier to get into.
Just like a fine college.
Ryerson. Yeah. Ryerson. it would have to be i guess something way easier to get like a fine college right yeah
it's his dream college
is lewis and clark school on rye and he opens it in front of all of us
and he doesn't get in a millionaire tween he's like devastated and all of us are like
consoling him and then amir maybe is just
like i mean he didn't have to go right yeah and also come on why did you open such a thin letter
in front of us you should have known you should have known better i remember applying to college
and just like the the responses that i got and you could at a certain point it was just like i
don't want to open these anymore they're all thin they're all small i've been rejected from everything yeah you get the packet you know i feel like
my acceptance letters were online is was that a thing yeah for me yeah mine was aged out
oh i guess not and i i'm the last person that went to college of the four of us
i want to send you i want to show you guys the photo of me actually i'm the last person that went to college of the four of us. Wow. I want to show you guys the photo of me.
Actually, I'm the last person that went to college of the four of us because I actually haven't completed my education, which technically means I am still a second semester sophomore.
At Swarthmore.
I'm a sophomore at Swarthmore.
what are you sending Jeff?
I'm gonna cut all this dead air out I'm gonna show you guys
the fucking
photo really for lack of a better term
of me having got
accepted to USC
this is the day you're,
you're sending us a photo of like when you,
the moment you found out you got in,
he's going to be pouting.
Well,
it's an interesting story is all.
Here we go.
How do you have to hit this angle to send a file?
It's putting in a floppy disk under the desk.
It looks like you dropped
something under your computer.
I had it printed out the whole time.
Oh, you made it. I see.
Oh my god.
Jeff took a
photo with the mailman.
Just a photo op with your local
courier.
Like he was the one
accepting you into the car.
Like he's the dean. Also, the mail yeah like he's the dean also the mailman
kind of looks like tim baltz in a way god and jeff you look how old are you i mean you were a child
you were what 16 here 15 yeah six 17 17 yeah i thought you went to college oh maybe you just
graduated early i thought you went to college as like a sick i thought you graduated high school as a 16 year old graduated high school as a 17
year old and then turned 18 my first year of college oh i went to college earlier than you
then that's crazy yeah that was this was a packet this was thick as shit also i've done a bunch of
research because i couldn't get the thought out of my head um and i knew yeah if you don't get in it's a thin white envelope if you get in it's a thick
yellow packet and so i specified yellow yeah gold because you won mobbed the guy this is not my
street by the way that's not even your acceptance letter i didn't get i didn't get in um and i was
like hey this might be illegal,
but my name is Jeffrey James.
My address is blank.
It's a street over.
Is there a thick yellow packet?
And I saw it as I was saying that.
And I was like, that's a real story.
This is real, yeah.
So anytime you approach somebody and you say,
hey, this might be illegal, but how were you not instantly maced why did he not
drive away were you expecting the package or did you okay micah had a question but then jeffrey
changed his background to a hazy ipa oreo background for anyone no explaining that
was i expecting it because it's like a weird thing to go ask a mailman for your mail out of turn you might as well wait an extra hour
okay so the it's so much more complicated and it's not going to be interesting i'll say it as
fast as i can i knew that they were going to get to ohio at that point because they
basically like the usps tracking map they all get sent out on the same day so i knew that it was
coming that day historically and then um and
again i was obsessed the and then the reason why i was tracking it down was because we i had given
them uh my parents a new address because i thought we would have moved that by then but we hadn't
moved yet and so it wasn't just like gonna come to where i was living it was going to a new address
um which was just a miscalculation on my part,
common app wise. So I drove, I was just following the USPS truck that whole day.
You know, that actually is, it's kind of an interesting and charming story,
more so than you set it up. I feel like I feel like usually you downplay things and I hate what
you say. And then when you say this is going to be bad, it was fine.
Okay. Well, if you like that story, let me regale you with this little tale.
This one's going to be bad.
There was actually a time in college, right? I was not of legal drinking age, Micah. So
trying to earn some brownie points there. Cool points. And I got kicked out of the standard
in downtown Los Angeles, like pulled by the bouncer.
Really?
No, I didn't get in.
Wait, so, sorry.
But it's a better story if I got pulled out by a bouncer.
That's cool.
You just walked up and they said, no, you can't go in.
And you turned around.
I bribed a councilwoman.
Have you ever been kicked out of a club or a club for that matter?
You're asking me?
He was asking you.
I guess I'm asking the table, but sure, I'll let Micah answer first, though I think I know.
I got kicked out, but it was because of something a friend did.
I've been kicked out at least twice.
Oh, three times that I can think of off the top of my head.
Where was the worst one?
The worst one, what made me think of this, was I think it was the standard in New York City.
I was in the boom boom room and I was like a sex dungeon.
Like people have sex in there.
No.
Well, maybe the cool thing about the boom boom room is that the bathroom is the coolest place in the world.
I think to take a shit.
the coolest place in the world i think to take a shit it's like it is floor to ceiling windows looking out at like the new york city skyline and you just sit down and you're staring out at it
that is fucking crazy um and i was getting kicked out in a really peaceful like normal manner um
and then i said to the to the guy kicking me out because like i was getting kicked out because of
like something that was happening with me and somebody else.
And I was like, you should kick him out.
And then that was like, for some reason,
even though like I had to, I was like,
yeah, I'm going to go, you're right.
And I was walking, I was like, you should kick him out.
He like grabbed me by the neck
and dragged me into the elevator.
So like when you're getting kicked out.
Wait, so what instigated it was that you said that or as you were being kicked
out he said i was being kicked out something different had instigated it
you shit on the window the floor to ceiling and the boom boom the thing that instigated
really was the other guy yeah you made the boom boom in the boom boom room yeah yeah that's right
the number two at the two tomb room jeff have you been kicked out somewhere? I don't think I have.
Yeah, I've just been not let in places
when I was trying to get into bars underage.
Did you get your ID taken away?
Every time.
Of course I got my ID taken away.
Getting me?
Bribed the bouncer.
Took the cash.
Went inside to get the ID.
He didn't.
And Marika, I already know the answer.
You've never been kicked out of any place
correct dragged by your hair out of a broadway theater
count us as tickets she tried to smooch daniel fucking uh ratliff
at equus um which is the show where he's famously naked, of course.
He fucks a horse.
That's what he does.
No, I've never.
I was trying to think I've been like kicked out in terms of like the bar is closing.
You have to leave type of, but I couldn't even think of one of those.
You stayed till last call. That's like fucking every single weekend for the last decade.
I definitely have i've stayed
until last call at like a supper club for like a broadway related show it's like a library for
trying to stay too long once i have been kicked out of the light or i have like stayed until
i was called the library definitely um the bouncer bounces you from the library no i mean i i have broken rules i i was trying to also think of times when i because my entirety
my entire time in college i was under drinking age so i like couldn't go to the local bars with
people um and there was like one that was around my house that like never carded and i tried to
go in and of course it was the one day that they did cards and I couldn't go in the pub we had we had a thing called the pub
that was like um the basement of one of our buildings that was also a bar and they did
weekly trivia and I so desperately like my dream in college was to be on a pub trivia team.
I wanted my friends to be that group of friends.
And I could never go in because that was also one of the places that carded.
And they never let me in just to play pub trivia. I tried to be like, can I just please play?
I won't drink, I promise.
And they wouldn't let me.
They didn't believe you.
They didn't know.
People probably say that all the time and then don't do the trivia. Get drunk and derail't let me. They didn't believe you. They didn't know. People probably say that all the time
and then don't do the trivia.
Get drunk and derail it.
Yeah.
Micah, what about you?
Have you ever...
I don't know.
Let's get juicy.
Have you ever had a crush?
Have I ever had a crush?
Yeah.
Sure, yeah.
All right.
Crutch?
Have you ever had a crutch?
Of vice?
I don't know.
Alright.
Let me check my email for a second.
What?
Alright, here we go.
Marika takes the reins.
Two minutes on the clock.
Marika, you're now the host.
Okay.
Great.
I truly was, like, going to prepare for this
the next time that it happened, and I forgot to.
Well, now I don't make it every time,
so it's like I have to keep you on your toes.
You definitely tricked me.
We didn't do it on Tuesday.
Yeah.
TV shows.
No, you can't do TV shows.
You always do TV shows.
That's all I have for myself.
I've got answers, too.
You just watched The Great.
Oh, my God. The Great is so good I love The Great
I just finished
Dark have you guys
checked that one out
it is a German
time travel
drama thriller type
show on Netflix three seasons
it's really fucking good
I also watched
love life with anna kendrick i don't know why but i was quite charmed by it um you liked that
i did yeah i did like michael what's the take i did like it i thought it was sweet
wait what is this segment i don't know what happening, and I don't want to interrupt anything.
No, you can speak, and please do,
because what essentially is happening is
Jeff has given me the reins of the show,
which means now I have to host,
but it's so badly hosted to begin with
that I can't find out how to match that.
Is there always a theme?
No, I just needed something to talk about,
so I chose TV, my one thing that I only think about.
This podcast is rarely always anything, you know?
Like, there's not the consistency aspect.
And that's what people love about it.
Yeah, it's a variety show.
Yeah, it is a variety show.
Panel show of sorts.
You know what they say?
Variety is the spice of rice.
They don't say that.
They don't say that.
Sacks!
Wait!
I'm still talking about television!
Me every week.
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And we're back.
What a lazy way to come back while people are applauding you.
Can you imagine like hearing applause and being nonchalant?
Like people clapping happy for you.
Hey, like, come on.
Jake, you've recently gone on to wine, you've been saying.
Yeah.
You've been whining about wine.
I've been, no, I've been just.
You've been pining for wine.
Yeah.
I often pine for wine.
I'm in Jake's office, the dungeon,
and I was reading through your
little notepad.
I'd appreciate if you didn't,
honestly.
A lot of personal stuff in there, if I'm being
honest. It was pretty
much already open. It was already open, yeah.
I just looked at the
front page and I saw that you had started
this list.
Did he get green tea and oatmeal?
And then, yeah, just bullet points.
Green tea, oatmeal, a third empty. I don't know why I wrote my name at the top of it.
It is Jake Cullen.
Who writes their name at the top of a list?
Of a to-do?
Jake Cullen, next line, dash green tea, dash, and dash the next line dash oatmeal.
And then the line below that another dash.
And I couldn't think of a third thing to get at the store.
I think I remember what that is from.
And it's like in 2008 or 2009, I read some article online that was like 10 healthy habits that you can like start doing now.
And one of them was drinking green tea and the other one was eating oatmeal.
And I was like.
That's a note from 2008?
Yeah, 2008 or 2009.
Yeah.
That's insane.
Relic from the past.
And you know what?
I actually, it took me a decade, but I like oatmeal a lot now.
So pretty cool. So it's me a decade, but I like oatmeal a lot now. So pretty cool.
So it's like a message to Jake in 2021 from Jake in 2008.
A time capsule.
Yeah.
Very dark, as it were, actually.
In what way?
Exactly.
The German time travel show where they talk about, yeah, well, there's a lot of like visiting your past self.
It's like, I'm actually your dad.
I'm your grandfather.
This is my mother, et cetera, et cetera.
It's hard to explain, but incredible.
It's hard to explain, but incredible.
Obviously, it's hard to explain.
Yeah, I see like that cut out for two seconds welcome to tailor-made
um all right no reaction
there you go um all right this is a game all right there are yes and no answers uh again this is gonna be a
thousand dollars cash per for to the winner wow i can't afford that it's gonna be ten dollars per
right answer venmo to you guys non-returnable you shouldn't afford any of the paying all right
whatever it's fine i don't care what you do this is uh this is a game show
where i basically give a piece of media and you guys attribute it to which taylor made it okay
okay here we go bad blood swift correct ten dollars i knew it was gonna start with swift Bad Blood. Swift. Correct. $10.
I knew it was going to start with Swift.
Me too, and I froze for some reason.
I was expecting like ever more, and then I just lost it.
I also, I don't think I know another Taylor, to be honest.
So if the next one isn't also Swift, I'm kind of fucked.
All right.
Next piece of media um really phoning
it in on this episode aren't we i'm i am um the adventures of shark boy and lava girl
lotner correct damn this has been what no wonder you said you were phoning it in
i didn't fully understand
until yeah it was only two questions
it only had
a $20 budget
thank you for understanding
Micah
I'm going to Venmo you guys
can I get $10 too?
it feels weird to have two people win
you didn't answer either of them
all or nothing I think
yeah let's do a double or nothing for the last one
who says uh
Tim the tool man Taylor
so
I think he's Tom the tool man Taylor
no it's not your aunt
you get an A for that
the game is over and I only had $20
I've sunk all my assets
into starting a small business
awesome is this the watch
you're so defensive
you're so mad
people ask you an earnest question about what's your
business and you turn on them
you snap
and it's earnest and we know that you're
lying but we're still being nice
to you no I'm starting
an online vintage watch
store yeah but we're still being nice to you. No, I'm starting an online vintage watch store.
Really?
Yeah.
Yeah.
So like just today,
I put in a lowball offer on an Omega Constellation.
Market value between $1,500 and $2,000,
and I bought it for $750.
Wow.
And what do you do now?
I thought you said you have a store.
What's that?
You're mad again.
Are you going to put this for sale in your vintage shop?
That's, you know what?
That's actually better.
That's better than what my model was going to be,
which was going to be kind of door-to-door calling B2B style.
It's not the time.
Going back to Omega saying, hey, there has to be something we can do.
You sold this at retail in 1977 and now you might are you trying
to refurbish these things or just flip them like are you just gonna get this watch in the door out
the door selling it at a different website with like a better listing or are you gonna be like
this needs a new gear or something yeah i'm i'm the the goal is to make it a one-stop mom-and-pop shop where
people can go to...
I'm not going to give the URL yet because it's not
ready, but...
Give it to us and bleep it.
....com. Nice.
Yeah. I was
going to make it China and Sons,
but...
So that's cheese and fine and Sons.
But some of these watches, I'm trying to make a lot of money off of and so it's like no one's gonna spend dollars can't be a full day and sons yeah um
anyway uh yeah the idea is to get them served professionally serviced and professionally
appraised um for as high quality as possible where but but you know not super expensive on my end as
well uh so the idea is that in four weeks let's say people should be able to go to that url that
we bleeped and uh buy a vintage watch anywhere from 250 dollars i think you should i think you
should name it china and sons but in order to do that you'd have to change like on your about page you just make your name
jeffrey quote-unquote chine james oh that's and then that gives it some legitimacy and you have
to explain it yeah i wasn't gonna explain it either way but i already got the domain
dot com weren't you gonna start a start a tie dye business last year? I can't think of two more disparate items to sell than a twelve thousand dollar watch and a tie dye Grateful Dead T-shirt.
I made this beefy tea purple and blue.
And here's an Omega that costs nine G's.
Why not both
yeah I guess
why not both is a lesson that Chine taught his sons
well I
the thing that inspired me though was
you know I
I
I
I
blood spurting from your neck.
This is the first question in an interview piece.
No, it's like, you have your money in your savings account, right?
And it just sits there.
So what do people tell you to do?
They tell you to invest it, right?
Put it in stocks and bonds or a money market account, betterment, whatever.
The return's like only 3% to 5%, percent right i can double my money with this yeah and what does
tom cruise tell you to invest in invest in yourself invest what does ted cruz say to invest
he says uh storm the capital take the presidency back right and then still vote against it yeah
he's a bad man no but i i read, and listen to shit about watches every day.
So I might as well just like have fun with it and like, you know, try and double my money.
I support this.
To buy a house.
I support it.
I really do support it.
A worthy endeavor.
Yeah.
It's tough because you're always doing a bit.
And when you do something for real, I don't know what to say.
I appreciate what you're doing.
And I think it's great.
Even you, like, then picking up a bottle of Fiji water and taking a swig felt like it was a bit.
Yeah.
Like something was wrong with that picture.
You need to undercut it with, like, this thing that I care about, actually.
I don't give a shit at all
head in hands
so long Head in hands. So long.
Welcome to Call Her Daddy.
call Her Daddy.
So,
Micah's name in the Slack,
I think for like a day or two, was
Her Daddy. Or no, you signed up for
this on the sign-up genius
Micah Her Daddy.
Yeah, that's right.
So, I thought, and I was sort of toying with
this all afternoon,
there has to be some kind of marriage
between Micah Her Daddy and, and call her daddy.
Right?
I didn't even make the connection, and I love it.
Okay.
This is the segment that I referenced in the Slack earlier where I said, Micah, I wrote a segment for you.
I said, I can't wait.
Yeah.
Marika, Jake, feel free to give commentary.
You can sort of advise him. So, Micah, feel free to give commentary you can sort of advise him
so Micah, feel free to phone a friend
but only you can answer these questions
Micah
is it ethical to watch free porn?
and I can talk
you can talk it out
you can kind of like conference if you want.
What do you guys think, Jake and Rick?
I'm going to throw this to you, Jake, as you are one of our big sex players.
As one of your co-workers.
As my famous covert.
I was going to say something about girls on porn and you started that.
I think it is ethical to girl on porn. And you started that. I think it is.
I think it is ethical to watch free porn.
I will say that some adult performers actually have like free only fans that will entice you to subscribe and then support their.
Don't do that.
Yeah, don't do that.
I think that I think that you can get can get in the door on free porn.
There's a lot of like free advertising, you know, like free.
You can stream eight minutes of this thing.
But if you want to unlock the whole video, if you want to see the entire thing, et cetera, et cetera.
If you want to see my back catalog, then you can then you can kind of start you know paying for the porns but i think
that free porn is okay i also if we're just talking about porn i think we got to support
small businesses when it comes to porn no more subscribing to the browsers the bang bros yeah
none of that shit you gotta go to your community your local porn vendors uh directly to the artist
i thought you meant only fans and the other no no only yeah
only fans and then also like the brick and mortar brick and mortar truck stuff like smut magazines
and stuff right uh yeah only fans many vids and then also just your local um your local
pornographer please what about this so you you post a video like an amateur thing for your you're
and your partner's only fans right and then you say
hey if you want to see our bareback catalog subscribe it onlyfans.com forward slash micah
her daddy micah her daddy or china and sons it's a subscription you can get a belova a tie-dye
fucking raglan and then also see me fuck okay why not i used a clone of pussy to make my a mold of
my asshole uh jeff light sorry all right micah uh does what happens in vegas actually stay in Vegas? I don't...
Does it?
Does it, actually?
Are you just going to repeat the questions that Jeff
says and have me and Marie answer them?
Maybe.
Does what happened in Vegas stay in Vegas?
I just want to make sure I got it correctly.
Does what happens in
stay in Vegas?
Yeah.
I feel like it's definitely something people say but it doesn't always stay in vegas sometimes things come back with you especially if it's like
a painful secret or something yeah then that like that's emotionally taxing so you cheated on someone what i imagine what i imagine that what happens in vegas stays in vegas like no one actually
expects the secrets to be kept in vegas but what it is is a permission structure it's a saying that
lets you do whatever you want when you're there like you know what happens in vegas baby this is
yeah this is me telling jill why I have genital herpes.
And why now she does.
But you're like, what happens if Vegas stays in Vegas? No regrets.
Yeah. But then it happens
and you do have regrets.
And that stays with you.
But maybe that's even part of what happens.
Have you been to Vegas? I've been to Vegas.
And did anything that
happened there stay there? I mean,
yes, something stayed. I mean, something's
left with me. What did you do?
Nothing that bad. It sounds
worse. Was I there? I feel like I had
no.
I just had like a
Can you say it and I swear
to God I'll bleep it out. It was just like
a
Oh. god i'll bleep it out it was just like a oh i thought it was like way worse so it did not it
absolutely didn't stay it haunts you yeah it's i mean it
i live with it every single day
i'm gonna bleep everything until and i live with it every single day. He's spiraling.
I'm going to leave everything until, and I live with it every single day.
We should get a couple screams from me and Marika just to pepper it out.
You can honestly leave it all in if you want.
All right.
Who in the office, the Hedgum office, both West Coast and East Coast, do you guys think has BDE?
What is that?
Big Dick Energy. Yeah. and east coast do you guys have think has bde what is that big dick energy because i think it's claire
because we're not talking about any body parts i'm talking about
who carries themselves with the confidence the vibe of a of a for lack of better term it's got to be d
delicious d it's definitely d big d energy big delilah energy it's a good answer what about
it it's you wouldn't say that it's like me um you have like you see a micro mic is microphone you have thin like your your energy
looks like your penis would look exactly like micro's microphone including the coloration of
it the what about the bright white yes the texture yes that's your dick that's your penis yes that's your raw i was gonna say you have um you have thin ankle energy
ankle energy yeah t-a-e thankless all right um all right again micah heard this is micah
her daddy call her daddy uh god i shouldn't have written these questions down um how many people
do you think i've slept with?
Yeah.
I can't believe you said you made a mold of your asshole and now you're feeling shame.
Now.
You're just starting now.
Over under 10.
I think a little over.
A little?
Like, come on, man.
I would think, yeah, below 20, more than 10 10 you're like a relationship guy aren't you uh yeah that's the thing is i'm 23 and i was in a three-year-long relationship yeah
i still think it's more than sexually active years i guess fuck is that supposed to mean
i don't know man you're asking me to talk about trying to infer alright music
wait this is one no no no no
this was a question where there's actually
a right answer I feel like the other ones were kind of just
like I'm not going to give this answer
there's just opinion questions
I'll give this out but Micah was exactly
right
it might be more than that
depending on your definition of sex
but penetrative sex.
Cut out everything except, cut out just the number.
So leave Michael is exactly right.
Yeah, I want to do that.
All right.
What's the hottest thing a person can wear in everyday life?
So I'll open this one up to the floor.
I know that some people like a man and a Henley.
I can't get enough of a woman in a fucking overalls,
right?
I think flannels.
Okay.
For,
for guys and girls.
Especially girls.
Yeah.
Guys too,
but especially girls.
Yeah.
I think a lady in a gray hoodie has
always turned me on and i don't know why interesting yeah and micah is wearing a gray hoodie it doesn't
i mean it doesn't we're related so it's like so far from working i hate that face you've actually
ruined it on women for me.
This is actually at Brownlee's Druthers.
If you had your druthers, what would your partner wear?
Can I just guess before you say, Marika, too,
that I think it's James McAvoy as the Beast.
The yellow parachute pants, no shirt.
He didn't play the beast.
What is the thing that he played in the glass? Professor X.
Yeah.
No, wait.
What about the Bruce Willis one?
Oh.
The M. Night Shyamalan.
Yeah.
He's not the beast in that?
Oh, I don't know.
I haven't seen that one.
He calls himself the beast.
I was thinking of Nicholas Holt as Hank McCoy in the X-Men movies.
Ooh. Ooh.
Naturally.
And what does he wear?
I mean, I think they all have their little, like, they also wear yellow outfits, which is why I was especially confused.
But theirs are like a full jumpsuit.
Yeah.
No.
Okay.
Yeah.
I have a lot of thoughts on the matter. One of them, I feel like any,
any long sleeve shirt where the forearm is out.
So that's not really a wearing thing, but forearms.
A rolled shirt.
Yeah. A rolled shirt.
Why do I keep saying short?
A rolled shirt, like a pushed up sleeve.
Yeah. Let's get to work, America.
Because it can be a fancy collared situation or it can be like a little sweatshirt.
But the forearms are popping and that's what matters in the end.
Well, you're a big Gyllenhaal guy, right?
I do.
I do like Gyllenhaal.
He always does that.
I believe it.
It seems like the type really this
in quarantine I've really been into the the single airpod in and a chain
wait like unrelated like just a necklace so a chain I've seen multiple I've seen multiple
just a necklace so a chain I've seen multiple I've seen multiple men on zoom wear one airpod in in one ear and then also be wearing it like a gold chain this perfectly now it's like I've
seen Oscar Isaac do I've seen Jake Gyllenhaal do it yeah it's a it's been a thing Gyllenhaal did
it on that Broadway thing right the song time song time. Interesting. One AirPod looks unprofessional to
me. You're doing it right now.
I agree, but that's part of
it, right? It's gotta be.
Like, they don't care. I don't give a fuck.
Like, I don't need to hear you that well.
They don't care what their sound is like. They're singing,
they're doing, like, a
full song, and it's only picking
up on one microphone, and that's fine with them.
Like, I don't know. Is that because
they need to hear themselves? Well, I guess I can hear
myself. Never mind. Yeah.
I don't understand.
It's just fucking hot. That's
all.
Yeah, I think those are the top
two that I'm thinking about at the
moment.
Micah,
music during,
for lack of a better term, fornication?
For lack of a better term.
For lack of a better question, you asked that. all right this is our last segment it's short don't worry marika um
uh everyone go down the line and
say your current hottest take we've done this on the show before but it's a new day it's a new dawn
it's a new it's a new day it's a new dawn it's a new life for reeves and i'm feeling reeves
i'm feeling reeves um yeah hot take down the line marika let's start with you oh god this actually could be a brown
these druthers i mean on this segment could be a Brownlee's brothers when Marika talks.
Me being able to share my own opinions for one is what qualifies.
Oh, I do have a hot take.
I recently watched the movie 17 again starring Zac Efron. And I think that he should be foisted up in Hollywood as a modern day Gene Kelly of sorts.
Interesting.
He's a song and dance man.
He loves to dance.
He does a good job at singing.
And I think he's a great actor.
I agree.
Thank you.
What is happening?
Micah?
Hottest take?
I don't have anything coming to mind right now.
You're tepid at best.
Jake, why don't you go first?
Maybe that'll inspire me.
I have a hot take that I'm cold on now,
but it was a really conflicting feeling for a moment.
So during the insurrection,
as you guys all saw on the news,
you know,
I'm angry,
I'm upset.
I'm having a bad time.
They delay the vote.
Everybody knows what happens,
but they come back in and McConnell and Mike Pence like made speeches about
like not being bossed around.
And I was so conflicted because I like read a Mike Pence quote where he's
like,
this is still the people's house.
And I was like,
hell yeah.
For like,
for two seconds,
my brain broke and I liked Mike Pence.
I'm back to normal now. I think he's bad, for two seconds, my brain broke and I liked Mike Pence. I'm back to normal now.
I think he's bad.
But that was, that was a weird feeling.
Wild.
I'm Jake Hurwitz and I agree with Mike Pence.
I'm Jake Hurwitz and I liked one thing that Mike Pence said in the context of a bunch of other stuff.
But I really don't like Mike Pence as a guy or anything he stands for or who he is or what he's done.
I got a hot take
related to Jake's question.
People who hate
Donald Trump still follow
him on Twitter.
No one should follow him.
I think people that make
fun of him all the time also follow him on Twitter
and that's feeding the problem.
People that are going to continue responding to the things
he does after his presidency, that's part feeding the problem. People that are going to continue responding to the things he does after his
presidency.
That's part of the problem.
Yeah.
I don't know if you're one of those people,
you should stop.
Stop following,
even if you're doing it for the lulz stuff.
Well,
they,
they suspended him indefinitely,
which is great.
I think.
Cause he's doing a lot of actual physical,
clearly Facebook,
the whole time you were doing Facebook,
Twitter didn't put it.
He's back on Twitter.
Dorsey.
Dorsey doesn't have the was like a 24-hour dance.
Dorsey doesn't have the huevos, man.
And I've always said that.
Well, I think Dorsey has more huevos than Zuckerberg.
No, he does.
He's a much better.
Dorsey, he's let him back on,
but he's been doing stuff for longer.
Yeah, they've been censoring it. Fucking Zark-Fuckerberg doesn't do shit.
Yeah.
Yeah. Zuckerberg's just trying to get the Senate on his side.
Pow.
Do you guys have anything to plug?
Do you guys want to talk about Goat Show Season 3 coming up?
Or are you still on Season 2?
Oh, yeah.
I guess it would be Season 3, theoretically.
We did a Season 1.5.
The next season will be Season 2.
Point O. three theoretically it's gonna we did a season 1.5 the next season will be season 2.0 and it's gonna be it's gonna be bigger better and more well thought out just like that promo bigger better
more thought out go to your aka go to your micah your rhymes of like the blank the blank and the blank always
that was my favorite part of the show and
also knowing what the goat blank was
the goat white t-shirt one is
my favorite episode because it actually I actually got
an Everlane white tee and what did you think
uh
for me
it wasn't the goat it was not
it was too thin
I feel like that's one of the
thickest ones there's there's a couple different versions of the everlane they have like their
basic they have their main one and then they have a thicker one if you we were talking about the
middle one is the is the goat because we also tried on their thinner undershirt um i think it wasn't basic one yeah you you got to get there it's an
18 shirt i think okay well i also like my body's very strange like my my shoulders are way too big
for the rest of my body attached to your ankles for sure and then my yeah my ankles are the
thinnest in my family uh we measure at the 2016 james reunion shirts have to have a lot of room in
the shoulders otherwise it gets it gets pulled up right yeah it's weird well do you ever do
the big and tall no because then it's too tall too big because then it's both of the things that says this anything to plug?
follow me on
Twitter and Instagram
at Marie K. Lon
also listen to
Keeping Records it's a new
show that just came out relatively
recently
great show too
Jake I think will have just been on
when this comes out or is on today's episode so hell yeah yeah listen to that we went crazy um
that's all i got this is this is why we do this show to promote stuff to promote stuff sure but to like this kinship it's nice to talk
to people every week yeah but that's almost doing it not enough justice one word to describe this
show that was like the most nice earnest thing i've heard marika say
and you shot it down because it's more it's more than nice being nice to talk to people
what is the one word you're gonna come up with to replace timely of the times i would say
groundbreaking but more than that it's it's actually just nice you know in a way i don't
even think because to say it's nice is to do it in injustice and i think it's almost a responsibility of ours
because we do have this platform marika is to use it for if not good to lift up voices
stop saying something that it's not before the thing that it is because you know what it is
not good yeah if not good then to lift up voices right voices, right? And we do this not to have fun, but just then don't say that, you know?
We don't do this show for clout, but it is nice to see a return.
All right.
So that is clout.
Yeah.
It's hard because usually we end the show on a button,
but we aren't being funny right now, right?
Just end it right there.
That was a HidGum Original.