The Headgum Podcast - 35: The Moos is Loose
Episode Date: January 29, 2021Headgum's newest hire, Kaiti, joins Jake, Marika, and Geoff to discuss Geoff's personal texts to Marika, the GOAT chips, and celebrities with Thin Cankle Energy.Subscribe to the new Headgum p...odcast Keeping Records on your favorite podcast app!Advertise on The Headgum Podcast via Gumball.fmRate The Headgum Podcast 5-stars on Apple Podcasts.Join the Headgum Discord.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
Transcript
Discussion (0)
This is a HeadGum Original.
I think there's a chance in hell that Kristen Schaal has cankles.
Say that. Say that. Get it clean. Your full name.
I'm Jeffrey James, and I think there's a chance in hell Kristen Schaal has cankles.
Ferris, keep that in.
Ferris, lead with that.
I'll wait for the grant reveal.
My zip wants to revel in it.
Right?
Ferris knows what I'm talking about when he's editing this.
Yeah, you guys can't see me, but I'm dancing.
Ooh, island time. So this is Friday, January 22nd, 2021.
We've got Jay Kerwitz on the sax.
Marika is the chief executive of HeadGum.
Whoa.
Katie, is it Moose or Moose?
Yeah, Moose like the animal.
Katie Moose, HeadGum's newest hire, content coordinator, as it were.
Found out the way to pronounce her name live
sorry jake during the intro one second actually go ahead you could ask before i'm trying to explain
that this is jonathan butler himself the king of lounge pop jazz bossa nova style
glad you got that out jake you have a zit that you wanted to show us Jake his video is off on the zoom right now
He said that he wanted to show us his
Wart
For lack of a better term
I didn't say wart there's a better term
There's a better term and it's zit
I have a pimple
Before we get to the zit this is how I want to do this Marika
Katie you're going to introduce yourself
Tell us a little bit about what you do at the network
But also just who you are as a person
You know in summation And then right when you're done jake is going to reveal this is it
so the reaction is going to follow whatever you say here we go three two one i am the content
coordinator so i coordinate content at the network and it's been very exciting it's like my third
week now um and about me uh there's not much to say.
I'm from the Pacific Northwest.
And I like comedy.
And I'm excited to see Jake Zit.
Where is it even?
Oh, come on.
No, it's so bad.
Oh, it's right here.
Okay.
Oh.
I feel like this is the worst Zit.
I mean, I'm 35.
I haven't had a Zit in a really long time, I don't think. This is... I mean, I'm 35. I haven't had a zit in a really long time.
I don't think this is.
I wouldn't have guessed it was a zit.
I would have thought it was like a beauty mark.
That was my question.
My question was if I didn't say a lot about my zit up top and I just joined this call.
I would not have said anything.
Interesting, because I had two Zooms before this.
And all I thought was that everyone was like laughing at my zit the entire time chats popping off everybody's texting on the side i think it looks
like a like like you were shaving and maybe just cut yourself a little bit yeah it's because it's
so close to jake's beard that and that's why it's extra inconvenient i feel like a beard eliminates
like you know like 30 of my face like i could get a zit in here i might have them i wouldn't and it
doesn't matter but i got right on the border it's not a good it's not a good spot it's not a good
look i think slightly better yesterday i slammed my head into a metal straw that was sitting on my
desk oh my god that sounds painful no curve and started like right before a meeting. Or where is it? You can kind of see it.
Yeah, I can see it.
Oh, that's awful.
If that is what my zit looks like, I do feel a lot better.
I guess like also looking at my video, it's a lot clearer than everyone else's.
So that could be it.
Yeah, you're a little bit softened.
It's like a camera's out of focus a little bit.
And I did the Zoom like touch up your appearance thing.
This is a podcast, right?
Right.
We're not here to talk about touching up our appearance.
We're here to talk about Jake and Marika's orange beanies.
Yeah.
I was excited when I saw your beanie, Marika, because my video was off and I was like, damn,
this was going to be a two-fold reveal.
Katie, you live in Los Angeles.
What neighborhood?
Culver City.
Culver City?
Yeah.
Avenue? Is that how it's pronounced i don't care i think that's near me i live off of like i think is how it's pronounced but it's another one of
those names that yeah oh this is the first time someone's willingly doxed themselves on this show
have you heard the show before we should ask you this because micah hadn't i have heard the show
and i've seen the reddit um threads so i'm scared yeah so you can't dox her she doxed
the thunderdome light applause again in the thunderdome what a tame dome i don't know why
it always falls on me to host this shit like we're all hosts like it's an egalitarian environment katie you're a comedian you said or you're just interesting
comedy absolutely not a comedian but i do love comedy interesting interesting yeah there's a
segment that i have later that's not gonna work out like i thought it was i thought you were a
comedian in a way because like danny sellers is a comedian kind of everybody that i work with
you don't put this on her obviously that's just your own mistake don't put it on her the whole show has been
in my corner and they're like you do something with the these small tools
i had to pay for my own zoom pro account you constantly foisted off on me huh you constantly
foisted off on me every once in a while you're like you marika you take the reins and i never
want to all right here we go marika takes the rain because druthers thank you for here we go hang on just give me a fucking
also sorry you you're complaining about paying for a zoom account when you like
willingly give people hundreds of dollars of your own money every episode welcome to marika's
druthers marika you have the floor for... Here we go.
I'm actually, dare I say, prepared this time.
And I have a bit of a game that we can all play.
Oh, it's three minutes now.
The longest Marika's...
That is insane.
The longest Marika's experience in podcast history.
Don't show the timer at the video.
We know this is general sense.
Lower it, you ass. Jeff has a giant hourglass behind him this game is uh guess what time jeff sent me these texts
i've i've got combed through our our iMessage history um So I'm just going to read some texts from Jeff and you have to
guess what time EST
they were sent to me.
This is a really good segment.
I would also say that Jeff's at an advantage
since he sent the text but
there's no way that you remember either.
So it's really easy. I won't guess. You guys
guess. I also won't remember. This first. So it's really. I won't guess. You guys guess. I also, yeah, won't remember.
All right, this first one, it's a photo, like a quote image.
And it's a photo of Macklemore and Ryan Lewis.
And it's a quote of the song Same Love.
It says, when I was in third grade, I thought I was gay because I could draw. Obviously the famous same love quote.
What time was that sent?
I'll give you a hint.
This was the start of a conversation.
I don't know if it's funnier if it was in the middle of the workday when Jeff should have been doing other shit or middle of the night.
Let's Katie, do you have a guess?
I need to still I got to marinate on this a little bit.
Yeah, for me, I'm getting the vibe that maybe it was an early, early morning text.
Like a 2 a.m. your time.
Okay, gotcha.
Oh, 2 a.m. Marika's time.
I'm going to go early morning, but like productive morning.
Like Jeff sent that at 7.15 a.m. his time, making the answer 10. a.m est final answer all right it was 10 53 p.m
on a sunday so right before the work day or work week begins sunday scary settling in and then you
have to read a maclamore quote all right the second one and i'll zoom in so you have to read a Matt Lamar quote. The second one and I'll
zoom in so you have
a visual effect. It's a photo
of I guess like a
dog snack called pork
chomps.
Baked pork chips.
What time was that
sent?
That's the timer.
Merdick is not the host but i love this segment so we'll
keep it going i will say nooner right at noon high noon midday pork chomp because it was inspired by
lunch yeah katie you agree um jeff do you have a dog i I do not. Are you around a dog? Okay. That would require empathy and a sense of responsibility.
Okay.
I think I'm midday as well on this one.
That was Tuesday, December 1st at 1.20 p.m.
So pretty good.
Whoa, right around lunchtime.
Okay.
I'll do one more.
This one's a few texts.
Again, the start of a conversation.
Finish Finn.
Finn Wolfhard talks to various Swedes about Mortal Kombat.
New text.
Shit.
LOL.
New text.
Sorry.
Hang on.
New text.
Sent the wrong copy paste.
So that seems like that was, I think that was Jeff doing work when we were talking about the Finn Wolfhard podcast, which is nice.
I mean, it's a bad idea.
Katie, do you have thoughts?
What's your final answer?
That to me seems like a chaotic thread where maybe he had too much coffee in the morning or early afternoon.
These are such educated guesses.
But I'm going to go with
like another morning,
another morning text for me.
I'm going to go with
right after our content meeting
where we talked about this,
where he's trying to copy paste
in a doc or something.
Oh wait, but it was.
Yeah, I'm just going to say
4 p.m. Eastern Eastern this one was sent Saturday
October 3rd at
11.27pm
right that's been
when did Jeff send these
texts to me
great segment
that was the most successful
Marika Takes the Reins ever and
not that the other ones were bad because of
Marika it's funnyins ever. And not that the other ones were bad because of Marika.
But it's funny that you thought that there might be a Marika Takes the Reins.
I learned my lesson.
And now I'll come prepared.
She's always ready to take the reins.
I texted a couple people this early, like about an hour ago.
And one of my friends was like, why did you ask this?
And I was like, I kind of have a break in the action between now and 4 p.m. Eastern.
So just kind of have a break in the action between now and 4 p.m eastern so just kind of bored um who is the most famous person in your guys's context list and if you
want me to bleep any of them out that's fine i just want to get real answers genuine reactions
i texted you this because you did ask me and i think it's one of our former podcasters
lauren bosworth just in terms of social media following. What about
Low and Bosworth Hold?
It's a new podcast from Lauren Bosworth.
It's her kind of being
like, ta-da, to her guests.
Low and behold.
Right.
It's not bad.
I think you can just call it low and behold, to be honest.
Katie, you're the new content
coordinator.
How is that on a scale of bad to fine?
Oh, and just to give you a little bit of context before we brainstorm the Lo Bosworth podcast that Jeff is talking about.
She willingly ended her podcast and left the network.
Years ago.
Years ago.
All right.
Go on now.
It's decent.
It's not completely there. It's not a completely fleshed out idea. But, you know, I think there's something decent. It's not completely there.
It's not a completely fleshed out idea,
but I think there's something there.
It's very magnanimous of you.
Yeah, quite.
Thank you.
Why wasn't this the initial applause break?
Are you just trying to find a new audio they're getting
better and better most famous person in your guys's phones katie jake would love to know i'm on the
a's i got uh blumenfeld he was in uh harold and kumar three i don't think very harold and kumar
christmas there's no way there's there's people that are way too famous in here for me to show
you uh so i'm not gonna do it
I'll bleep it I just wanna know I guess
I don't trust you
Ferris does the final pass on these edits
So if I don't bleep it Ferris will
Can you read this
That's a good one
How the fuck did you get that
Moose
I'm looking and I don't think I have anybody
Super famous in my phone.
Jake, where did you find this person?
In the elevator.
No, not ****.
Moose.
You don't have any famous people in your context?
I mean, come on, Katie.
No, but that's fair.
Yeah, I don't have anything good for this.
You really can't follow Jake's.
Oh, you know what?
My former landlord did the set design for the bad music video for Michael Jackson.
And now he's just a landlord.
So there you go.
That's my most famous person.
That's just like a very fun one.
That's crazy.
How did that even come up?
I don't know.
He just started telling me one day.
Got it.
That makes sense.
You know.
I think if that's something you did and now you're a landlord, you talk it a lot yeah like i was yeah he's a slumlord that's your claim
to fame yeah and now i don't want to turn your heat on so yeah but did i tell you about the time
i met michael oh this is mine i don't know if you guys are gonna recognize who from oh the band
this is such a funny game where we're just showing each other the contact names in our
phone so bad for a podcast and then bleeping out the name of who it is billy brick had uh an article
on variety so he might be a close second yeah you don't have finn's number i have finn's number but
like we all have finn's number so that's not like it's quarter of a compound that's like if i were
if marika were to say Jake, you know?
Oh, right.
Like I said, Amir, but then I followed it up with the...
You're going to have to bleep that out, too, because the pod is going to give it away, Ferris.
With the goslingest of answers.
What the fuck are you talking about?
Anyway.
TGI Fry-yay, right?
Don't... Are you eating chips on the yeah on my mesquite barbecue so unsettling flavors that backyard barbecue kettle brand um right
what's uh what's what's your chip everybody let's go around the horn. First of all, I just want to know if it's Ruffles or no. Ruffles
or not. I like the Ruffles.
I've been wanting to try the
All Dressed. Have you guys had the All Dressed? Incredible.
I was going to say that for me. All Dressed.
I have yet to try it. Isn't it just like, it's basically like
all the, I mean, I know it's a couple sauces,
but people say that it tastes like barbecue,
but better. Yeah. It's zestier.
I don't like barbecue very much. It's like, it tastes too
sweet to me. Yeah. I'm in agreement. I can only eat so much at once. Of barbecue? Yeah. It's zestier. I don't like barbecue very much. It tastes too sweet to me. Yeah. I'm in agreement.
I can only eat so much at once.
Of barbecue? Yeah. I could
finish an entire bag of chips at any given time.
I love them so much. I was thinking about
this the other day that why is the standard
snack like a fried slice
of starch?
But then if somebody's eating
a vegetable chip, we're like,
are you on a diet? Like that's just as strange.
Like they're all weird to have in a bag.
Veggie sticks are arguably much weirder than a potato chip.
They claim to be vegetables.
I don't know where they are.
Yeah, it's living a lie is what it is.
It's like I'm eating a veggie stick, but you're really not.
The first ingredient back there isn't like a carrot.
It's some other shit.
And actually a potato chip, that's a vegetable.
Because a tater is a, is it a tater a veggie?
I think so, yeah.
Okay.
That's a spud.
I thought it was just a starch.
It's starch vegetables.
It's starch vegetables.
Jake, when you were like 18, did you ever think that this is where you would be in
life like doing well for yourself but your job being saying stuff like is a starch of
yeah i could have pictured that i think i don't think i would have thought that i'd have such a
big zit on my face as a as a newly aged man i would have thought that maybe i would be like
you know chill enough to not bring it up all the time. But here I am still petty.
I think my favorite chip is salt and vinegar.
Just to close the loop.
What brand?
Yeah.
That kettle brand's good.
Yeah.
The Deep River kettle?
Yeah, Deep River.
I like the Deep River.
I do like a Cape Cod.
The malt vinegar?
Cape Cod is the only non-ruffled chip I could really fuck with.
Yeah.
It's like at this point, I really can only do kettle chips or like shitty like doritos cheetos kind of stuff i love doritos
too oh i love cheetos also no lays right i don't want a regular lays anymore you guys like smart
food do you ever fuck with smart food the popcorn i'm serious i know i just make my own popcorn
you make your own popcorn. You make your own popcorn?
Yeah. Pop it loud and let the rubbish knock.
Turn down for work.
Absolutely, Marie.
Sacks. Sax. What, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what's that?
Ha ha ha ha ha! What, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, What's that?
What's that?
What's that? What?
What's that? That? That? That? That? What's that?
That, that, that, that
What's that?
That, that, that, that
What's that?
That, that, that, that
That, that, that, that
What's that?
That, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that. What's that?
That, that, that, that, that.
What's that?
That, that, that, that, that, that.
That, that, that, that, that, that.
That, that, that, that, that, that.
What's that?
What's that?
What's that?
That, that, that, that, that, that.
That, that, that, that, that, that. That, that, that, that, that, that. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp.
You know, if you had an extra hour in your day,
a lot of people would spend that very differently than the one sitting next
to them.
Maybe person A would go for a run, person B would take a nap, and patient zero would
read a book.
The point is, a lot of us spend our time and our lives wishing we had more hours in the day. And the question is,
what is that time for? And if time was unlimited, how would you use it? The best way to squeeze
that special thing into your schedule is to know what's important to you and make it a priority. Thus, therapy can help you find what matters to you so you can do
more of it. I'm in therapy every week and I benefit from it personally as I pursue to better
myself and be a better version of myself today than I was yesterday. Yesterday, you said tomorrow, so just therapy. If you're
thinking of starting therapy, give BetterHelp a try. It's entirely online, designed to be
convenient, flexible, and suited to your schedule. Just fill out a brief questionnaire to get matched
with a licensed therapist and switch therapists at any time for no additional charge. Learn to
make time for what makes you happy with
BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com slash whatsthat today to get 10% off your first month. Again,
that's betterhelp, H-E-L-P dot com slash whatsthat. Thanks, BetterHelp. Guys, taking care of your
health isn't always easy, right? But it should be simple. That's why for the last three years,
I've been taking AG1, just one scoop and a cup of water mixed around every day, no exceptions. And it
helps me feel, you know, energized, focused, ready to take on the day like I'm doing one
powerfully healthy habit that's also powerfully simple. I know that AG1 gives my body high
quality nutrition because every batch goes through a rigorous testing process so that you know it's safe. And their ingredients are sourced for potency, absorption, and nutrient density,
all of which is very important and you don't always get with other leading nutrition brands.
I like to drink it first thing in the morning.
I'll have a glass of water.
I'll have my AG1, and then I'll have my coffee.
And it gets me set off to take on the day
and to be centered and to feel like I did at least one good thing for my health. And if you do that
every day, it has compounding effects. If there's one product I had to recommend to elevate your
health, it's AG1. That's why we partnered with them for so long. So if you want to take ownership
of your health, start with AG1. Try ag1 and get a free one year supply of
vitamin d3 k2 and five free ag1 travel packs with your first purchase exclusively at drinkag1.com
slash what's that again that's drinkag1.com slash what's that check it out oh i'm so sorry guys i
had two cold brews katie i'm sorry i have to see me like this. Usually I'm a pretty chill guy, especially on this show. But, um...
I was so put together.
Katie...
I don't want to...
I didn't want to go here
this soon,
but here we go.
Welcome to
The Moose is Lo is loose this is essentially the exact same bit as
takes the reins katie it was it would have been more involved i didn't have time because i had a
last minute self-tape i am setting the moose loose in a way. And what I have in my notes here is let Katie do her thing.
Oh my God.
That's so stressful.
Katie's worked here for three weeks.
I'll give you credit though, Katie.
Last week, we were struggling to get a guest for last Friday's recorded episode,
which is the one that came out today on the 22nd.
And I think Claire said that you were willing to be on the show last week in your second week.
It took me seven months to get Angie and Sam on the show because it's such a running with
the bulls type situation. So I appreciate you coming on, but I am going to have to set you
loose. I liked what Marika did with her segment so i'm gonna do something similar to that
what's the most random out of context or bizarre text you've gotten from your parents recently oh
no these are these will be good i'm currently living with my parents so this is my mom's like
really good on text oh really she's very just like super normal let me see your mom is a great emailer
so i believe that you know she's a writer oh here's something you hear him my so my parents
dog is this tiny little uh westy and sometimes he'll like run into a corner to chase his ball
and when he's in the corner the only way he can get out is just to back up slowly.
My dad sent me a video of that.
It's really cute.
Here he is.
Did you see the back up?
Yeah.
He's a good boy.
He cares about that ball so goddamn much.
What's his name?
Charlie.
Ah, that's a good name. I feel like this segment has people stomped
I really don't
it's probably too complex for my first moose and loose
my mom texted me
so
I did like choir when I was in high school
and so but they called it
they called it glee club even though it was a class
and not glee club it was a choir
and so my mom sent me
this photo from my high school's instagram of what these poor kids have to go through to sing
oh no in the gymnasium like 15 feet away from each other wearing masks belting their little
hearts out to like the alma mater song oh no jesus and she said look how much fun
glee club is these days with the crying laughing oh wait that's what that's the high school's
instagram she wasn't at the she doesn't still go to the glee club things no she sits in on rehearsals
why do you ask no yeah that's from the official instagram verified Verified. Yeah, right.
This one from my mom came in also at 11 p.m.
Start of a conversation.
Just do you know that the highest paid YouTube star is nine years old?
Wow.
I haven't heard from you since I was nine.
What are you talking about?
I just said I did not.
And that was it?
No, we went about our nights.
There was nothing after?
No further conversation?
There's no explanation.
I was like waiting for one.
Did you look into the highest paid YouTube star after that?
I didn't.
All we know is that they're nine.
Yeah.
All right.
Jake, in your most successful year with College Humor, with the Jake and me videos, what are we talking salary wise?
Just alone from the videos.
Oh, I was always very,
I was a low-paid employee at CollegeHumor.
That's cool.
It was like a golden handcuff situation
because it was a cushy job in every possible respect
except for how much they paid me.
Right.
I was living hand-to-mouth at the time.
And then Katie, to answer your own question.
My mom does send very, she sends voice memos as text,
but there's no punctuation.
It'll be like eight paragraphs long.
But I can't find a good one right now.
You mean voice to text dictation?
Yes.
And it doesn't make any sense.
And all the words are wrong.
It's like trying to piece everything together every time she texts.
At that point, it's like,
you should just use the voice,
the actual voice memo.
Yeah.
I don't know why she does that,
but she says it's easier when she's driving,
but she also still has to hold her phone, right?
And do it.
It makes no sense to me.
You have to hold it down or whatever.
Right.
And then, I mean,
I used it when I was driving once
and I found that I was more prone
to need to look and read through
the text yeah like oh this is way more dangerous i'm just not gonna text at all i yeah i used it
when i was driving once like up north in california and i found that i was uh more prone in a ditch
because i kind of went flying off the i-5 in a way that was that was when you texted marika pork chops it was the butt dial yeah
this has been the moose is loose
right into another fucking weird segment
people love this song and honestly it's pretty good. Katie, did you go to UC Berkeley?
No, my little brother goes there, though.
Okay.
Where'd you go to college?
LMU down here.
Oh, nice.
I know my ex-girlfriend's just being at...
Are we pretending to be at a club?
Is that what's happening?
I'll cut all this out.
No, you can't.
Welcome to Thin Kkle Energy or Nah.
This was the reason I was five minutes late.
I wrote this segment in basically 20 seconds.
Should be good then.
I'm going to list celebrities and you tell me whether they have...
Careful.
Thin Ankle Energy or Nah.
Those really are thin ankles.
I also recently got some blood work done.
And my biggest health issue is not my eyes anymore, Jake.
Sorry, go with me for a second.
I wasn't interrupting.
I have extremely high cholesterol.
Oh, no.
Really?
Like, in the top one percentile for people my age.
Oh, no.
What do you have to do about that?
What's that?
Like I'd feel bad for you,
but I'm sorry,
you deserve to be sick.
Okay?
I just,
it can't help but make me feel
like my days are not only numbered,
but important.
So,
the point of this segment, I should say i'm gonna shout out some celebrities and you tell me whether or not they have thin
kankle energy which by the way because you don't have long to live and we want to make sure
you inject some meaning into your life i have thin ankle energy slash just physically thin ankles
this is thin kankle energy so it's almost just like it's not thin enough it's not
thick enough to be a cankle but it's not normal so just regular ankle okay huh never mind go on
that's not an interesting segment jake to go ankle energy like normal ankle this is thin cankle
energy then i guess i don't know what a cankle is a cankle is like a thick ankle. Got it. Jake Gyllenhaal.
Thin kinkle or not?
Thin kinkle.
Yeah, thin kinkle.
Really?
No way.
Yeah.
Probably big calf muscles, thin kinkle, I think, for Jake Gyllenhaal. He's got perfect legs.
He's got really good proportions.
He really does.
He's got good fucking body chemistry, that dude.
What was the movie that he
got absolutely shredded on his shins like boxing on southpaw ankles that's what i call before that
was like troy or something oh prince of persia prince of persia oh yeah i forgot about that yeah
he got fucking ripped for that shit goddamn jill by the way we do have to all agree so it's kind of like
you know make me like it in a way
do we all agree that he has thin cankle energy
yeah I think he has perfect ankles
is that thin is that
I'm taking to mean thin cankle
means he has thin cankle means good
proportion yeah okay fine yes
I do I object to
the fucking segment
but I agree that he has normal-sized ankles.
Can you just say the full sentence?
He has thin cankle energy.
I'm Jake Hurwitz, and I think Jake Gyllenhaal has thin cankle energy.
No one else has to say their full name.
I have to say my...
I'm Jake Hurwitz, and I think Jake Gyllenhaal has thin cankle energy.
Turn down for what? all right a second celeb kristin shaw
nah what do you think her ankles are i think they're probably on the thinner side of thin cankle.
If we're taking thin cankle to be average.
I think there's a chance in hell that Kristen Schaal has cankles.
Say that.
Say that.
Get it clean.
Your full name. I'm Jeffrey James, and I think there's a chance in hell Kristen Schaal has cankles.
Ferris, keep that in.
Ferris, lead with that.
I'm thinking the thinner side, but...
Okay.
I agree.
I'll go thin then just because we have to move on.
For sure it's not the cankled side.
Yeah, what a weird thing to put in your segment.
We all have to agree.
We have to agree.
You're the first person to not agree.
Ryan Gall.
Thin cankle energy.
For sure.
He's like
one of those people
I think who's secretly Jack.
Yeah, I believe it.
He's a writer?
Yeah, who is that?
I was going to ask
but I was embarrassed.
He was on
Showtime's House of Lies
and now I think he's
He was on
Vajillion Dollar Properties.
Yeah, no, he definitely looks like he's got regular on bajillion dollar properties yeah no he definitely looks
like he's got regular sized ankles oh yeah do we all agree thank thin ankle thin cankle energy
what about ryan paul or sorry rand paul i'm gonna say oh no fuck this guy he has thin ass ankles
absolutely and thin yeah conviction thin fiction i don't know jake sometimes i just
like i'll ferris wheel cut this out but sometimes it's like i lie awake nights thinking about this
kind of shit it's just like does rand paul have finviction specifically about him okay yeah i
don't know it's tough you know sounds tough been a year for me. I get that because it's also tough to be around you.
So I would imagine that like...
It's one of those things that cuts both ways.
Like, because for us...
Do we all agree then, Rand Paul?
Thin ankle energy?
Yeah.
Yeah.
All right.
For sure.
Tom Tall.
Who are these people?
Thank you.
You could do anyone.
This is the most random segment in the world
yeah who is this tom tall tom tall tom tall ever heard of him no i'm actually looking at
thomas tall an american businessman um no the chief executive officer of legendary entertainment
that's interesting obviously not t-o-O-M-T-L-L
with an A between the T and the L.
He's wearing wide pants
in all of the photos that I see,
but if I had to guess,
I think he's got thin ankles.
I agree.
People always act like
I'm the reason why these shows
don't go well.
It's like, how am I supposed to...
It's like an uphill battle.
It's a Sisyphean task.
You think Sisyphus had
thin cankle energy?
He's pushing a boulder every single day.
I think he probably has cankles.
I think he had cankles from the muscle, yeah.
All right, what about Frankie Yale?
Why are these the people that you're asking about?
He was an Italian mobster in the 50s
there's no connection from rand paul to frankie yale
so you knew who these people were just off the top of your head these weren't google searches i
do a lot of late night wikipedia searches and i don't read a lot of books
so that's what's that's the main issue with me this guy looks like he's got some cankles yeah
cankles for sure right like eating a lot of uh dantana style fake italian food
what about zona gale no way not a real person and i refuse to look her up she's an american novelist actually
egg on your face right not really she wrote such honestly pivotal works as hearts kindred
turn down for gail
thankle energy right actually thin cankle energy because i'm she kind of had good like
it was sort of like 36 24 36 what a winning gail she was she was hot
great 36 what a winning gale she was she was hot great i've really been resisting the urge
sorry you've been resisting the urge to google search search Zona Gale, and I won't.
I did it with Frankie Yale.
I did it with Thomas Tall.
I'm not doing it again.
What about Rachel Frayn?
Insane.
Not real.
This is just my friend from USC.
Oh, wow.
Yeah, I looked up Rachel Frayn Friend and there she is in her graduation gown.
Rachel, text me.
Don't, Rachel.
You're missing nothing.
But only text me if you hear this.
If you don't hear this, then you're not a supportive friend and I don't want to talk.
If she heard this, there's no way on earth she would text you.
Can we all just agree?
Did we all agree on all these people?
Because we weren't supposed to move on and we got a little moose is loose towards the towards the tail end because we are running yeah yeah we agreed we all agree all right just to
recap i actually disagree i disagree let's let's stay here in this segment are you kidding me you
know it's friday at five how the hell are we supposed to move on with our day this is the
last segment i was just about to recap the segment i got nowhere to get out of here
you gotta be shitting i want to re-debate rachel frayne right now actually if i'm being honest
we didn't even debate it the first time all right let's go down the list rapid fire jill and hall
oh we're repeating yeah just we said jill and hall thank you yeah thank you what about kristin
shaw we said thank you just thin ankles right what about Ryan Gall? We said thin cankle. What about Rand Paul?
Thin ankle.
Thin, very thin ankles.
He also had thin, what was the other thin thing that he had?
Thin ovation?
Do you think Tom Tall had thin yankle?
That's a kind of skinny Yankee candle.
And we all have to agree before we move on.
All right, what about Frankie Yale?
There was no consensus.
But whatever you think.
We said he had a cankle.
We said Frankie Yale had thin cankle energy.
No, I thought we just said cankle.
Yeah, I thought we said cankle.
Cankle also.
I agree, cankle.
That's the mobster.
Huh?
You don't ever get to be confused, Jeff. all try so hard to get up on like to get onto your page
all right and just let's just get it over with zona gale
author of hearts kindred yeah pivotal works don't just get it over with give
just we said no i thought it was thin cankle because she had good performance
like 36, 24, 36
you did the like standard body image
thing which is
not necessarily true
well it's just
what a winning hand
I did finally look at Zona Gale and I think she had
thin ankles and then
Fran, Rachel Fran regular thin cankles as it were okay just to recap finally look at zoni gale and i think she had thin ankles and then frame rachel frame regular
thin cankles as it were okay just to recap jillian hall that's what we just did
that was the recap tom tall frankie gale
that needed to happen this has been thinin Cagle Energy or not.
Such a low energy send off.
Oh my God.
Katie, social media, any projects you're working on,
et cetera, et cetera,
something you want to point the people towards,
the floor is yours.
Sure.
We are doing some new posts for Keeping Records, which is a podcast you should listen to. And we're doing like new video stuff. Thanks to Marika's help on that. Um, and then we're doing some new video stuff for Ace of Hearts too. Um, so yeah.
With Monique Hart.
Yeah, with Monique Hart. But yeah, that's all I got to point to.
A real company team player. You'll love to see it.
And then Jake, your plugs?
I hope nobody ever hears me on this podcast.
But if they do, just know that I was here against my will.
Yeah, forced to do it.
But happy to be here.
You started it off wanting to do a grand reveal.
You were happy to.
I came on the pod to show you guys my zip.
I really could have left it minute Marika plug social media projects,
et cetera.
Floor is yours.
We have another new head gum podcast coming out soon called hobby hunter
with Sydney Washington.
The trailer's out now.
The first episode might be out.
I don't know.
By the time this comes out,
but at the very least,
listen to the trailer and subscribe.
Yeah,
that's all I got.
And then I guess I'll plug Zona Gale's hearts. Kindred. at the very least listen to the trailer and subscribe. That's all I got.
And then I guess I'll plug Zona Gale's Heart's Kindred.
Thank you so much for listening to this episode of the HeadGum Podcast.
We'll see you guys again next week.
We should come up with a catchphrase.
What about like
catch you on the flip, Diesel? that was a
Hidgum original