The Headgum Podcast - 36: April in Faris

Episode Date: February 5, 2021

Amir, Marika, and Faris join Geoff to discuss pegging Faris in the spring, the recent Stock Market madness, and celebrities' vices.Subscribe to the new Headgum podcast Keeping Records on your... favorite podcast app!Advertise on The Headgum Podcast via Gumball.fmRate The Headgum Podcast 5-stars on Apple Podcasts.Join the Headgum Discord.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Starting point is 00:00:00 this is a head gum original but yeah if you're gonna put your money somewhere put it in dogecoin you shouldn't be giving financial advice what's that i actually have fucking had it marika with these quips right and i've actually fucking had it Danny Amir Marty Johnny Angie with you not selling ads on this show for things like quip so I've had it with
Starting point is 00:00:34 Marika's quips and I've had it with not having quip money that I could invest in Doge Ferris yes I'm sorry, but sax. One time, no thought. April and Ferris. Chess, nuts, and brown ass. Editing tables. Over his knees.
Starting point is 00:01:39 April in Ferris. April in Ferris. You're inside Ferris. No one can ever. Ferris. Yeah. yeah Amir's face is an utter look of contempt I would say you hired me
Starting point is 00:02:15 imagine if that was your interview like here's a good song and then also I'm gonna sing worse over it like don't present the art if you're actively ruining it while it's happening. I couldn't find an instrumental. Let us enjoy the song. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:02:36 Yeah. And even the instrumental is its own art. April in Paris. Okay. April in Paris. Nice. Yeah. Oh. April in Ferris. Nice. Yeah. Oh. Now he's in.
Starting point is 00:02:49 I want to be flattered but at the same time the lyrics are sort of upsetting right? Like I don't even want to look into that too much. Do you want me to speak the lyrics? I think that's worse right? Because then you're just saying April in Ferris. I thought you would like the line editing tables over his knees that's really good yeah that one gave me pause i would say how so but like it was like he was he's
Starting point is 00:03:14 scolding the editing tables also i don't really know what an editing table is no it's so so he's at like his desk basically so he So he's like editing a podcast. And so the desk is sitting over his knees like a desk would do. Not like a weird like he's giving it a spanking. No, he's yes. He's sort of punishing. All right. Adobe suite.
Starting point is 00:03:46 I was really proud of that. I thought that we were going to wax about that for almost half the stream. Adobe sweet. I was really proud of that. I thought that we were going to wax about that for almost half the episode. So if you guys didn't like that, you're not going to like it. You thought we were going to talk about what? You playing the song? You singing over it? You're literally penetrating ferrets in the spring. Yeah, I didn't want to get into
Starting point is 00:04:01 the interpretation of April. Who is April? I don't like this. I shouldn't want to get into the interpretation of April and like who is April I don't like I don't like this I shouldn't have personified April no I actually love this he didn't want to talk about that Parks and Recreation what's her name Ludgate
Starting point is 00:04:16 Aubrey Plaza so Aubrey Plaza is for lack of a better term Peggy you don't have to say it in a way in the spring if you lack a better term peggy you don't have to say it you don't have to say it if you lack a better term just don't say the word cherries are in blossom
Starting point is 00:04:32 go to the first segment yeah nice got it done next or whatever it takes to get the fuck out of here Ferris I'm so sorry what happened was earlier today I was listening to Billie Holiday April in Paris came up
Starting point is 00:04:58 I go to write the episode who else is on the episode but Marika who reminds me of Ferris in a way. And that rhymes with April in Paris. Fine. This is the best start to an episode I've ever had. And you guys are butchering it live on air.
Starting point is 00:05:17 Ferris, it has been a while. We were just talking about this off air since you've been on the show. People have been clamoring for you to get back on the Discord. What has happened in your life from october to now long time happy to be back i've missed this we're off we're off to a rough start you know i will say that we're off to a rough start but i'm glad to be back um yeah since like october i guess. I'm not in LA anymore. I'm sort of taking a break from, you know, the epicenter of the pandemic for a little bit. Yeah. Got out while I could.
Starting point is 00:05:53 I'm with family right now up in the Bay Area. Much worse internet. So if I come in and out tonight, you know, just call me April. In Ferris, yeah um is that a whiskey what did you just pour it we should say that it is friday night it is and i'm i do want to just say it's water but you know i think i feel like we're i feel like two fingers of water we're yeah a mirror exactly it's straight gin there was a time actually I was in go with me for a second Marika. I was in I was at umami burger right and
Starting point is 00:06:27 What's that? She didn't say anything not where I thought that was going but continue and this waiter I mean he must have been some kind of actor or something Kind of crazy stop rubbing your shoulder like I know it's not like it Yeah, not really Stop rubbing your shoulder. Like, I know it's not like a... No, it's just like tiring after the week. Yeah. Not really. Not really. It's not like you're a pitcher.
Starting point is 00:06:51 Just stop rubbing yourself. Talk. Shofa's hanging from his coat rack with one hand. Like he's on a subway. You use your arms for various shit. Like I'm fucking browsing the web, getting tired in a way. It shouldn't hurt your shoulders. So I'm at Umami Burger, right?
Starting point is 00:07:10 And my waiter turns out to be, of all things, an actor. Or at least that's what it seemed to me to be. Because I was having water. And he comes over with the fucking jug, the pitcher of this shit, right? And he pours, he stops himself though, right? He's about to pour this agua for me. And he's like about to pour and then he stops and goes, oh, this is straight gin, right?
Starting point is 00:07:33 Whole place is cracking up, Amir. I mean, he couldn't get enough of this shit, man. This guy must have been like honestly some kind of performer is the only explanation. He said straight gin or you did? He was about to pour water into my water glass. This was at a Bobby Burger. And he stops himself and he's like, this is straight gin, right?
Starting point is 00:07:54 Whole place was up in arms. We couldn't get enough of this guy. I swear to God, Ferris, this guy must have been like an actor or something. Sorry, he said this is like he was asking you what was in the picture. He was serving. Are you said is that straight? It's like he didn't know it was in the the the mug. No, he was.
Starting point is 00:08:15 He was acting basically. Who said the joke? The fucking waiter. He like. Are you fishing for us to ask you who this actor was like why this guy was drew fucking tarver ferris there we go it comes out no he was pouring the water i'm here just listen intently because then you might have a better i heard everything twice maybe thrice this guy poured a fucking jug of water and said this is gin right which is really weird to say like he's
Starting point is 00:08:46 asking you what's in the jug what is it the pitcher right he had a pitcher of ice water i don't want to make this episode about me right so we can talk about other shit here we go marika takes the reins yet again okay she's not prepared this time based on her reaction. I'm not prepared this time. What'd you say? But I haven't seen a mirror in a while. And I need someone to explain the stock market to me. So I feel like now's a good time. 12 minutes.
Starting point is 00:09:18 12 minutes. Are we going to take the rain? Yeah, that was a mistake. He's adjusting it to one minute. One minute. Give us the one minute elevator pitch about this wall street bets scenario yeah as far as i as far as i know there's these hedge funds these billionaires who are always playing wall street right they're just they're constantly betting for or against stocks so one of the bets that they made was game stop is going to go down. And for every dollar
Starting point is 00:09:45 it goes down, we're going to make $10 million. And so these Redditor bros were like, but if it goes up a dollar, they'll lose $10 million. So why don't we just keep buying this stock, make it go up $100, and then they'll be down billions of dollars. And then once GameStop went up from 10 to 100, more people started talking about it. They're like, yeah, I'm on board. Not only can I stick it to Wall Street, I'll buy the stock and make profit.
Starting point is 00:10:12 I'll sell it when it goes up. Now it's all the way in the 300s and it seems like there's no signs of slowing down, even though the app they were using to buy the stock basically cut people off. They were like, enough is enough. And then everyone got mad
Starting point is 00:10:24 at the app Robinhood for allowing it to happen and stopping them that makes sense i still get the betting against stocks part the fundamental part of it but i understand it theoretically i just don't know how it happens yeah it's all it's been explained to me as like borrowing a stock and then it's the equivalent of like i'll give you a hundred dollars for that microphone okay and then i take the microphone from you and i sell it then the microphone starts is now worth eighty dollars i'm like okay great uh give me a hundred dollars for this microphone and i'll give it back to you and i'll give i'll pocket the difference this twenty dollar. So you get your microphone back, somebody paid $80
Starting point is 00:11:07 for it, and then I get the $20 extra. I don't know why or how that's possible, but it is. Well, thank you. That was very helpful. Yeah, so anyway, if you want to make or lose money... You guys think it's too late to get in on the
Starting point is 00:11:23 GameStop thing? This is you in 2029. Do you guys think it's too late to get in on the GameStop thing? I think it's still going to go. This is you in 2029. Are we dipping our toes in or do we think it's too late? To that end, I've been trying to invest in Dogecoin. Why? What's that? Why?
Starting point is 00:11:39 Because Robinhood made this kind of skeezy move to restrict people from buying more GameStop and more AMC people were like okay well let's do something that you know they can't do that for so people are turning towards Dogecoin which is like probably a hybrid between what people think the next Bitcoin
Starting point is 00:11:57 will be and also what the next GameStop will be and so they're like oh we have power here like if we all buy in on a stock we can like you know make it worth more because people want it let's do that with crypto which is like less regulated and won't get shut down and they're like which one should we do let's do dogecoin because it's cheap right now so anybody can get in and it's kind of a joke it's just literally a coin with a dog on it and it's digital yeah it was kind of born as a joke is what i understand
Starting point is 00:12:25 yeah is that it like but there is some sort of substance to it at the same time which makes it like funny and a good investment yeah because like this whole thing is made up like it's i mean i mean we're saying it's theoretical the entire stock market is theoretical so uh dog coin is kind of flipping that on its head where it's like let's just buy a file and it's a dog of it and that's cash to us and it's working so um but yeah if you're gonna put your money somewhere put it in dogecoin you shouldn't be giving financial advice. What's that? I actually have fucking had it, Marika, with these quips, right? And I've actually fucking had it, Danny, Amir, Marty, Johnny, Angie, with you not selling ads on this show for things like quip. So I've had it with Marika's quips and I've had it with not having quip money
Starting point is 00:13:24 that I could invest in Doge, Ferris. Yes. I'm sorry, but Saks. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. You know, if you had an extra hour in your day, a lot of people would spend that very differently than the one sitting next to them. Maybe person A would go for a run,
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Starting point is 00:15:26 But it should be simple. That's why for the last three years I've been taking AG1, just one scoop and a cup of water mixed around every day, no exceptions. And it helps me feel, you know, energized, focused, ready to take on the day. Like I'm doing one powerfully healthy habit that's also powerfully simple. I know that AG1 gives my body high-quality nutrition because every batch goes through a rigorous testing process so that you know it's safe. And their ingredients are sourced for potency, absorption, and nutrient density,
Starting point is 00:15:58 all of which is very important and you don't always get with other leading nutrition brands. I like to drink it first thing in the morning. I'll have a glass of water. I'll have my AG1 and then I'll have my coffee. And it gets me set off to take on the day and to be centered and to feel like I did at least one good thing for my health. And if you do that every day, it has compounding effects. If there's one product I had to recommend to elevate your
Starting point is 00:16:25 health it's ag1 that's why we partnered with them for so long so if you want to take ownership of your health start with ag1 try ag1 and get a free one year supply of vitamin d3 k2 and five free ag1 travel packs with your first purchase exclusively at drinkag1.com slash what's that again that's drinkag1.com slash what's that check it out i'm sorry but sex yeah you like you really positioned yourself you like sat two feet back for that and i appreciate that that's gonna be i'm sorry easier on me later those will be good levels i didn't mean to amir i'm sorry i didn't mean to call you out like that danny that you know i didn't mean that you don't even sell ads for the company. So that's just a mirror.
Starting point is 00:17:07 Yeah. I had the whole thing. I was just in the wrong. So yeah, everybody to Marty, Angie, to Amir, to Danny,
Starting point is 00:17:16 I'm sorry. And to Marika, I'm sorry, Ferris. I'm sorry. You had to see me like that. Cause I'm usually pretty chill. No,
Starting point is 00:17:22 you're not. Especially on this show. Yeah. Yeah. Thank you. It's been a hard year. Yeah, it has. You're not making it easier on anyone.
Starting point is 00:17:34 You kind of suck. I'm saying you suck. You're making everything worse. Un cas. Un cas. Un cas. Yeah. Un cas. What's the next fucking this segment if you want to call it that has just been waxed so we're supposed to be having a good
Starting point is 00:17:56 time talking about various shit ferris what what else is new in the past two months update the people with what you're working on any any music projects any um gosh musically i've been having a good time on the uh the head gum discord today checking out can you talk a little bit sure i mean there was some hesitation about this thing getting out there okay let's let's be uh transparent here yeah what do you say jeff we we needed to basically we needed to pad out the episode to get to 40 minutes because we've had some retaliation. We've had some upset over, you know, sometimes an episode would come in 35 minutes, 32 minutes, and they were getting shorter and shorter for a moment there. And so we're like really defensive about that now. We don't want to give anyone any room to get upset there.
Starting point is 00:18:53 So Jeff came to me and said, hey, can you write? No, you didn't even say, can you write anything? You just said, can you make one of the sax points like five or ten minutes long this time and i thought about it for all of five seconds and said absolutely i got you bro and yeah one thing which is like just like a musical interlude just like with three days notice you're like by the way ferris can you write a 10 minute musical
Starting point is 00:19:25 for this podcast that's 34 minutes long instead of 44 and i was you know i was super hesitant to like just loop um the the queue for five or ten minutes that almost felt i didn't want to like smack listeners and i didn't want to slap them in the face I wanted to smack them upside the head more like with like something something kind of special I wish I had like a lot more time to work on it but um it's just something I kind of put together and I had a lot of fun doing it it was like you know it was like 9 30 p.m my dad walks in and he's like what are you doing and he sees me like hunched over my keyboard sampler just like going what what what what what i totally had i totally had like an image of you just like in a dark room like with a bunch of light up things just like pushing a bunch of buttons vibing like eyes closed feeling it absolutely nailed. That's very close to the image that was in this room last night.
Starting point is 00:20:27 It comes across beautifully, I think. This is Marika on the sax. Like every sax sound that you hear in this track is Marika. She's been sampled and like chopped to bits. And like I put her into the sampler and turned her into that really long theme song melody that you've been playing recently. For like whatever is the second game show of the episode to differentiate from the other classic big band one that we have.
Starting point is 00:20:57 It's the other one. I love having Ferris on the show because he is more involved in it than I am. And everyone else has their toe in the water and they don't even want to because it's freezing. The water's never fine on the show. It's always cold, yeah. But what I was going to say was that you've also
Starting point is 00:21:14 been promoted at the network to full-time a mainstay if not part of the executive suite. Yeah. Yeah. I'm not sure that the second part is accurate but i am i am full time now i am officially part of the team and in fact as soon as i found out that i won't get paid extra to be on this show i decided it was a good time to hop on okay um so happy to here. To do it out of the, yeah. Loving your heart.
Starting point is 00:21:46 Out of your own. Yeah. Oh, there it is. Welcome to Short Squeeze or Jort Squeeze. Welcome to Short Squeeze or Jort Squeeze. Speaking of the Stonks Market, it's been a historic week brownlee and we'll a have never seen this before
Starting point is 00:22:12 and b will never see it again i think gamestop amc bed bath and beyond right dogecoin obviously um i'm not getting enough of a reaction from you guys especially right? Dogecoin, obviously. I'm not getting enough of a reaction from you guys. We already talked about this.
Starting point is 00:22:29 You're just talking. I'm gonna list things and you guys tell me whether it's a short squeeze or a jort squeeze. And just to clarify, a short squeeze is what Amir was describing which is
Starting point is 00:22:46 a hedge fund in you know invests in a stock or shorts a stock rather assuming it'll fail and then it doesn't um or sorry it's just that they short it it's the long form of short. We need the other definition. You need an official definition? No, the jorts squeeze one. Yeah. Okay. Jorts squeeze is when you shove your fat ass into a pair of denim shorts.
Starting point is 00:23:18 So it's either... Yeah, it's basically like the jorts are maybe one size too small so you could squeeze into them. Don't worry about the details of the jorts are maybe one size too small, so you could squeeze into them. Don't worry about the details of the jorts. One is like a financial event. The other one is pants. Finance doesn't always make sense to people,
Starting point is 00:23:33 so I want to make sure people understand the jort squeeze. All right, let's hear the first one. What's your waist size? Let's start there. I'm a 31. Okay, so imagine you get like a 28 jorts. Right, I know what the 28 jorts. Right. I know what the fucking jorts squeeze is.
Starting point is 00:23:47 You could make it, right? It's just not going to be a comfortable one, so you're going to have to squeeze into that. Continue. What's the first one? Is it like hyper-specific about the shorts? The short squeeze is basically edge funds. No, no, no.
Starting point is 00:23:59 I want to know when you say this or this. Let's hear the first one up, and then we'll decide. Because of the historic week that we've had financially, this is high-risk poker, Amir. $1,000 for every right answer. $1,000 owed to me for every wrong answer. I'd like to short you, if possible possible i want to sort of bet against you like like my career or like yeah i think i want to say for every dollar you don't make i lose 10
Starting point is 00:24:36 million dollars yeah something like that all right here we goME. Short squeeze or jort squeeze? Short squeeze. You owe me a thousand dollars, Amir. That's GME. Jeff's massive eggs. So I'm basically trying to shove my sack into... Yeah, sorry. Finish the sentence, Rekha? Is that what you're gonna do? I said don't. That was the sentence.
Starting point is 00:25:00 Jorts in this scenario, Ferris, are so tight squeeze that basically they have me. They H-A-L-V-E my balls. So one testy is in the left knee and the other one is in the right squeeze. Amir's down a literal stack. Here we go. Game stop.
Starting point is 00:25:19 Wait, like, do you have big balls or like they you have like an 80 year old man's like swinging pendulum kind of thing going on have you ever seen those like uh basically like swinging metal things that like really insecure incels put on their raised pickup truck oh yeah the metal balls it's those and i don't mean inside truck nuts materials truck nuts nuts, yeah. I literally have a name. I thought you were talking about the things that people put on their desk where you drop one ball and it does a chain reaction to another one. Oh, those are kind of, yeah. That also might be the case, Marika, because sometimes when I'm bored or busy,
Starting point is 00:25:58 I'll take my right ball and drop it, and then it hits the left one, and it just kind of hits each other willy-nilly side, left left then right ferris knows what i'm talking about here we go when you're bored or busy or busy so i'll be in like a general like a writing general meeting with like no i shouldn't even be there onward and i'm like nervous right so i take my right testy drop it it hits the left one suddenly i'm there's a kinship somewhere because the exec is like oh i do that when i'm bored or busy game style short squeeze or jorts short
Starting point is 00:26:37 squeeze correct marika just you just want a thousand dollars that's like what that's rent for a year right in new york yeah definitely all right here we go um amc short squeeze or jort squeeze i want the money short squeeze i'm so sorry to do this for you on your first time back of the new year ferris but you owe me a literal g because amc stands for american man's i don't even want to say this, but c***. It really does. So basically... You wanted to say it, though. The Jordans are small in such a way that you have to
Starting point is 00:27:13 tuck. Alright. Ferris is down $1,000. That's a thou. Amir's down a thou. And Marika's up a literal stack. Here we go. AMC Theaters. Come on.
Starting point is 00:27:29 Short squeeze or jort squeeze? Short squeeze. Correct! Marika is cleaning house with this man. $2,000 to Marika. Two years rent. This is unbelievable. This is the most money we've ever played with on this game. Amir, are you there?
Starting point is 00:27:47 Oh, no. The show must go on. Here we go. Volkswagen. Your guys' chances of just... Amir is restarting his computer. Should we wait for him or what? Let's just wait. Sure. I'm so sorry about this I mean you can't win back his G
Starting point is 00:28:11 if you uh just plow through the uh that's why I felt it was unfair to just plow through right I mean essentially you both have paid me in a way yeah that was like kind of my money right yeah sorry about that my I usually I usually leave paid me in a way. Yeah, that was kind of my money, right? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:28:27 Yeah, sorry about that. I usually leave voluntarily, but today my computer took the initiative and literally restarted during the show. Amir had Pyle create a program for that. 20 minutes in when he's after launching Zoom, anytime Jeff is involved in the Zoom call, it shuts down 20 minutes in when you're launching Zoom. Anytime Jeff is involved in the Zoom call, it shuts down 20 minutes in. It's triggered by hearing,
Starting point is 00:28:49 what's that three times loudly? And then it just sort of... Enough is enough. All right. Volkswagen. We'll speed through this. Short squeeze or jort squeeze? That's a jort squeeze.
Starting point is 00:29:02 If the car... You're down two Gs for that dude can i convince you volkswagen was shorted successfully in uh late 2010 early 2011 um by a bunch of hedge funds and then it was bought by porsche um didn't know about that all right what about what about volks's wagon who's volks there's no follow-up questions yeah i guess that's the george squeeze then because it's like yeah with a huge ass breaks even yeah yeah so my buddy has a fat ass he kind of like no why volks walks in the room and then his ass walks in five minutes later, right? Sorry, what's that? I just said nice.
Starting point is 00:29:47 I'm trying to warm up again because you fucking interrupted the flow of this shit. This really is a yoga-esque exercise for me. I'm reaching a personal nirvana the likes of which Ferris has never seen. Alright, this has been short squeeze or short squeeze
Starting point is 00:30:08 the um the song's cut out it really did you guys remember i hope she's listening do you remember? All right. Welcome to Biggest Vice.
Starting point is 00:30:52 This is just a segment. It's not a game. Basically, we're going to go down the line. I'm going to list. You guys all say at the end, we'll all say our biggest vices. But to start, I'm going to warm us up with some celebrities. All right. I'm going to name some celebrities. And we we're gonna guess what their biggest vice is because everybody needs a vice
Starting point is 00:31:11 right i've always said this i've i've always thought that everybody needs a vice whether that's a grip or um alcohol you know ideally not because that is chemically addictive but um here we go um Amir that's the celebrity my vice Amir's verified might as well start with him I'm guessing somebody else's vice or I'm telling you what my vice
Starting point is 00:31:37 is we'll guess yours and then we actually we have them in the room so he can confirm or deny I think Amir's biggest vice is I'm gonna have to go sweets i think what's what's that what did you say sweets i'm gonna have to go sweets like um you know mars bars candy iced coffee that sounds pretty good not pretty good it's not a vice sorry I don't mean to editorialize caffeine and sugar those are two Ferris I'm gonna go with cigars
Starting point is 00:32:12 interesting yeah all right I guess in order I would go caffeine one sugars two yeah cigars I've never had I smoke turns me off yeah two yeah cigars i've never had i i smoke this is the image of a mirror yeah we're just holding a
Starting point is 00:32:28 cigar idea of having smoke in my throat i don't i don't like that so you're not a fan of cigars i never got into that what's that when i said sweets i didn't just mean like sugar i meant like like fucking candy and you know the united kingdom i don't like candy you don't like wine gum no i don't like gum i don't chew gum it's not gum it's like more like chocolate jellies you don't like victory v no I don't know what that is are you just naming like British candy you never had a whisper I don't know what any of this stuff is and I'm telling you I don't like candy leave me alone moving on I'm not gonna sit here and let you tell me that you're not a fan of Yorkie. What's a Yorkie? Like a peppermint patty? Aero? A-E-R-O. That one I do like.
Starting point is 00:33:07 It's kind of like Kit Kat, right? It's like a wafer-y bar. I knew it. No, it's like... Alright, let's go Marika. There's bubbles in it. Oh, interesting. Oh, like a crunch. Guessing mine? Guessing Marika's. Here we go. Because you're kind of a celebrity because you're like, people know you on the Discord, people know you from this show. Definitely not a celebrity. I'm gonna have to go decadent dinners.
Starting point is 00:33:25 So like ordering in for a special occasion and you sort of splurge monetarily sorry don't don't interrupt i didn't interrupt you right so um you probably did but you've explained yourself and let other people weigh in you actually you said decadent dinners and we sort of got it and then you explained it and then that should have been enough. And now I'm cutting you off. You spoke your piece. Video games. Should I respond?
Starting point is 00:33:58 Let's get three and then you can rank them. I'm thinking. All right. I'm thinking. I want to say cigarettes. You just want us all to smoke. We're not cool enough
Starting point is 00:34:14 for Ferris. Energy drinks. You're so calm and composed, but I feel like there's an energy drink right on the side there somewhere. And you're just simmering on the inside um ready to go at a moment's notice i definitely was like the person that didn't successfully but tried to get into energy drinks in like high school i feel like that was
Starting point is 00:34:39 a thing that all the people that i thought were cool did. Yeah, it was like Drinking Monster. Honestly, I don't think any of those are really my vices. I guess like decadent dinner, whatever that means. I feel like I've just been ordering out all the time. Yeah, so that's, I guess guess the top one then video games i don't drink energy drinks i think my actual vices are probably like um soda and candies and then maybe like to sweets theater things or movies or whatever if that counts since Amir said video games yeah that's it that counts alright Ferris
Starting point is 00:35:28 Ferris is kind of a celebrity cause you know people talk about him on the discord he's on this show yeah that's what you said for a right go also weren't we supposed to do this about ourselves after we talked about celebrities Ferris I'm gonna guess it's good whiskey
Starting point is 00:35:44 yeah okay i'll guess smoking since he constantly guessed smoking for us probably that can i change my answer actually first yeah i think it's round trees fruit pastis what even it's a confectioner that's yeah that seems like it's a my for my guess you are just you left the tab open and you're sort of shifting it over roundies fruit pastiche yeah not even just a sweet anymore but like i'm gonna say it's that one i'm gonna say like a nice clothing item like buying a nice piece of clothing for yourself so kind of um just to be clear like uh like a shopaholic like someone who like likes to go shopping for new clothes retail therapy not not not a not necessarily a shopaholic like someone
Starting point is 00:36:41 that's willing to splurge on something they really want that they think is very nice not necessarily like you're every weekend hitting up the mall but you like you're thoughtful about purchases and you're fine to make them if they're big okay yeah you're thoughtful about
Starting point is 00:37:00 purchases and you're fine to make them if they're there if they're there and what they might have to be for you at the malls in a hat well none of that is it i would say the fruit pasties brown trees i'm not a stee? I'm not a big sweets guy, actually. My most obvious one for sure is coffee. At this point, it's a two times a day kind of thing.
Starting point is 00:37:34 I can't do three as much as I want to do three. That's how you know you're addicted. I would love to go for that third one, but it will do bad things to me and the people around me so what's your what's your cadence what's your schedule what's your coffee of drink you wake up take us through the sketch it's the first thing i do i take these long morning walks and to have a coffee in my hand is like paramount it needs to be in my hand hot i can skip the i can skip the yeah hot hot hot in the morning black yeah black as well are you drinking
Starting point is 00:38:11 water right when you wake up like i can't go coffee straight like i need water i feel so dehydrated in the morning do you go straight to hot black coffee i'll maybe take a swig or two of water um just a swig or two. That's it. Yeah. Yeah. I'm also that kind of person that needs like water by my bedside. Yeah. Do you guys also hate it when you wake up like parched in the middle of the night and there's no water to speak of and you'd have to go all the way to the kitchen to fix that? Anywho.
Starting point is 00:38:44 Yes. Coffee right away, before anything. So we're talking like 7 a.m. first coffee. And then if I have coffee after like 2 p.m., it's going to be a bad night for Ferris. But, you know, that's how you know it's a vice, man. Like you really, you need that thing even with the the negatives that are attached to it like bad sleep forever all right so just to recap we have uh yeah we did a mirror a mirror's was coffee you said really it's gambling but
Starting point is 00:39:18 nobody guessed that so i would put coffee above the ones that were guessed merdeka it was soda candy or sweets or just yeah uh ferris it was soda slash candy or sweets. Or just, yeah. Ferris, it was coffee. Let's move on to some minor celebrities. Let's go instead of Ferris, Anna Ferris. What's her vice? Do we have that? Yeah, I think it's divorce, right?
Starting point is 00:39:37 How many times has she- Definitely not. Once, but it's like- You thought she liked it. I think she loved it. The divorce part of it yeah not the reaction that i would have gotten if jake were on the show what about mrs barris my third grade teacher my third grade teacher and the mother of my first agent if you can believe it your first agent was the mom of your third grade teacher my first agent was the mom of your third grade teacher
Starting point is 00:40:06 my first agent was the son of my third grade teacher Amir and how's this for full circle Monshi I made a fucking sketch in third grade and forced her to screen it in front of everyone
Starting point is 00:40:21 ten years later I signed with Evan Miller alright it in front of everyone 10 years later i signed with evan miller all right just keep going elvin dale oh my god listen to you listen to you listen to what you're saying you want us to guess the vices of these celebrities you explained who your fucking third grade teacher was for two minutes we didn't say anything you moved on to someone else. We don't know. So do you want us to play the game
Starting point is 00:40:49 or do you want us to just fucking listen to you wax about random fucking people? I think Mrs. Barris' vice was divorce. It might have to be, and she hasn't had one. And I'm not wishing that on her, but I'm saying there's a world where she can't get enough of divorce. At least separation. At the very least,
Starting point is 00:41:08 separate beds, alright? With night... This is just because you think there's a world where she can't get enough of divorce. What world? We're talking about right now. Do you guys believe in the multiverse theory? Oh my god.
Starting point is 00:41:24 Elvin Bale. Who is that? He's an English daredevil. I think his vice, honestly, is fear. Is what? Fear! Nice. Alright. nice all right what about edgar dale who explain he's an american educationist who developed the learning pyramid edgar dale edgar dale guess what his vice was
Starting point is 00:42:05 mansplaining i really do think it was mansplaining because we don't need a pyramid to know how to learn right ferris this is someone who by the way died in 1985 we're talking about this is the celebrity you're talking about edgar dale, American educator. Born in 1900. No, it wasn't educator. What was the word that you said? Educationist. Educationalist, yeah. Let's be clear.
Starting point is 00:42:32 Here we go. Wait, do we all agree on Edgar Dale? Before what? Before we move on? Yeah, before we move on to Wiley Vale. All right, yeah. Are you kidding me? Amir left wait
Starting point is 00:42:45 Amir please come back there's a big payoff for all of this Wiley veil yeah please come back I have to get your take on what Wiley veil vice was
Starting point is 00:43:03 it'll be worth it when you say he liked women. I do think he was a little bit of a voyeur because he was an American endocrinologist who studied hormones and it's like... Endocrinologist.
Starting point is 00:43:20 Can we all agree that it was voyeurism? I'll move on fast because I know we want to get out of here at this point. Yeah. All right. What about Frankie Yale? Okay. So that's the man that you brought up last time. Yeah. Was that the gangster?
Starting point is 00:43:34 Yeah. He made some joke about Italian food last episode. So let's say like bad Italian food is his vice. Well, it would probably be like shooting people. I can't stop, man. What about Zona Gale? Who? Zona Gale? Now we're just... The American author
Starting point is 00:43:52 known best for pivotal works such as Hearts Kindred. Yeah, this is the one you said is like hot, too. She kind of is. I mean, she has thin cankle energy to be sure because she doesn't have cankles. Should we make a Zona Gale shirt? Let's see.
Starting point is 00:44:07 Zona Gale. Is her likeness public domain? Is whose likeness? Zona Gale? Zona Gale. No one's going to come after you. What about for us? Jeff.
Starting point is 00:44:21 Jeff. What? I'm looking at Zona. I found Zona Gale Jeff she died in the 30s she died in the 30s what about a piece of shit you told me to
Starting point is 00:44:33 come back you said she's hot dude this is like a dead old woman what are you not dead in the photos I guess when she was younger yeah she was pretty what about a shirt that's Elvin Bale Edgar Dale Wiley Vale Frankie Yale Zona
Starting point is 00:44:49 Gale and then our last celebrity who's Rachel Frayne ah yes again that's your friend imagine recording this show in the same room we'd have to like we'd have to shove you you leaving we'd be restricting
Starting point is 00:45:04 leaving the room. Literally be walking the room. It's like when you finally decide you have enough, you're just like, all right, taking off your headphones. Yeah, to record the show, we need you to have like an announcer mic, kind of like Micah's, but better sound quality. That you're just walking around the studio holding
Starting point is 00:45:25 i mean we've established this as a panel show yeah so i think rachel frinn's vice is high west whiskey because she lives in salt lake city sure ស្រូវានប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប� All right, plugs. Ferris, anything you want to point the people to, the floor is yours to go. Cool. So loud. We have a few new shows coming out um check out the kelsey air tv show on radio um that's a really cool one really talented guy he does it's like comedy fiction he does all the voices himself he's he's a musician as well. He makes all the music in the show.
Starting point is 00:46:46 Really cool stuff. Very unique. Check out Hobby Hunter with Sidney Washington. Very funny. I had the pleasure of doing the theme music for that show. That was a blast. It's amazing. I've heard it. And she's wonderful.
Starting point is 00:47:02 I believe Amir is on an upcoming episode of Hobby Hunter, so check that out. Hobby Hunter is out now. Kelsey Ayer may be out by the time this recording comes out. I think so. Yeah, check that out. Marika, plugs?
Starting point is 00:47:19 Anything you want to point the people to? Ditto to what Farrah said. Hobby Hunter and Kelseyciar tv show on radio um follow me on twitter and instagram at marie k lon and letterboxd same check it out all the new shows headgum.com hobby hunter like you said uh keeping records and i'm sure there's a show for everybody just check go to headgum.com follow us on social media best way to keep up to date and i'll plug my instagram and twitter at jeffreyjames on instagram at jeffboyrd on twitter as well as i launched a vintage watch store online and it's at kirkwood.goods on instagram
Starting point is 00:47:57 kirkwoodgoods.com have you sold one yet i've sold two i sold nice the second most expensive one and i sold the cheapest one. That's awesome. And I'm especially going to have things that are in the sub $500 range. Because A, they sell faster so I have to rotate them around anyways, but I want to make sure that people who aren't into watches can get into them
Starting point is 00:48:17 without breaking the bank. And I know for some people $300, $400 is breaking the bank, but it's fine Swiss craftsmanship I don't know what else to say what was the thing we came up with last week? catch you on the flip
Starting point is 00:48:33 diesel? awful face bad face to end on I heard it in the edit and I had no idea what to do with it who's flip diesel what's that? who's flip diesel
Starting point is 00:48:52 flip diesel that's Felicity Diesel, Vin's daughter laughing laughing music music music music music That was a Hidgum Original.

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