The Headgum Podcast - 38: Geoff's New Fetish

Episode Date: February 19, 2021

Jake, Marika, and Pile (barely) join Geoff to discuss the Grateful Dead, sexual fetishes, and Marika's tweets. Plus, Pile joins 40-minutes into the show!Subscribe to the new Headgum podcast Keeping Records on your favorite podcast app!Advertise on The Headgum Podcast via Gumball.fmRate The Headgum Podcast 5-stars on Apple Podcasts.Join the Headgum Discord.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Original. Previously on the HeadGum Podcast. What's the worst piece of clothing that you've owned? Definitely the smoking jacket that I've worn on a couple of podcasts. Danny, I used to smoke pipe tobacco in high school. In high school, sir? You definitely had to have worn a cardigan in high school sir his watch collection

hard bottom shoes and stuff look I I wanted to smoke something I didn't want to inhale and fuck up my lungs so you smoked something legally, but very complicated. I basically smoked a Rubik's cube. Right.

And so it continues. Right? Right? I thought the chorus was sooner. Are you skipping ahead? Just let the song play or end it. Don't skip around. Jake! Hurwitz!

Like I'm interrupting. No, I was trying to do an April and Ferris type remix of Dropped by Phantom Planet. But instead of Dropped, watch out, it's Jake Hurwitz. Oh, I see. Yeah. Okay. Really didn't come across. Got it. I thought I was being scolded for talking over the sound. Welcome to another edition of the HeadGum podcast. No applause deserved. Not necessary.

Not earned. Have you guys heard the good old Grateful Dead cast? No. Of course not. Is that a real show well this is that's a real podcast it's um basically track by track uh

stories analysis of the uh you know the catalog of America's greatest rock band the Grateful Dead um so I was wondering it's such a weird thing to know about you that you're a deadhead it really is also I don't understand why. I can't name a single Grateful Dead song, I don't think.

Same. Holy shit. The riding on the train, high on cocaine one. There's one, Casey Jones, exactly right. Truckin'. Everybody knows Truckin'. Touch of Grey. You might know Touch of Grey.

You don't know Truckin'? I don't know any of the stuff you're saying. Right? No. Also, that was, you pulled that up too fast you like didn't even type never heard the song in my life that's good yes you've heard this song no tons of cash spend on lots of wine that i'll never never never heard that you haven't heard this song? Bizarre. No. Never heard it. That sounds like a fucking children's show.

Oh, that song? Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. Right? I know this song. Tons of cash on wine. That's the whole idea of it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. A Grateful Dead.

That's fine. I would have never guessed it was a Grateful Dead song. Okay, so Andy Cohen's a deadhead because he's close friends with Mayer, John Mayer, actually. That's an insane fact. What's actually. That's an insane fact. What's that? That's an insane fact. You didn't know that? No.

Grateful people, I feel like, would know that. So Andy Cohen, obviously, is also close with Fallon, Jimmy Fallon, actually. And he did a segment on The Tonight Show where he was like, he got Jimmy into the dead over the course of four weeks. And every week, he would give jimmy two songs to listen to and then they would discuss whether or not he liked it or not and did he like it do that no i don't want to do that i don't i have i have too much stuff going on in my brain to try and learn the discography of the grateful dead i'll do one song one song a month let's do one song a month one song a month that's what do one song a month? One song a month.

That's what I would be willing to dedicate. And let's start with the I Will Get By song. No, because that's not their best song. It's just their most ubiquitous song. Could I just do Fish instead? I already like Farmhouse. Are you going to dive into Fish? Fish wouldn't exist without the Grateful Dead.

Quiet. That would be really cool. I do know some fish heads. I feel like I could learn some stuff from them, pass it on to you next time we're in Madison Square Garden, parting it up. Awesome. I'd be willing to do up to like 10 songs a week if you want to share that with me, Marika, just so we can get

through the entire fish catalog faster. It's fish, which is a jam band, so it's probably like 40 minutes a week. Yeah, we should do live tracks, I was going to say. We should do live. I don't think so. I truly believe The Grateful Dead has made some of the best music of all time.

So loud. All in by a little applause. It is Friday, February 12th. Not only is valentine's day this weekend guys but um wow president's day president's day is actually on monday so long weekend to be sure but also it's time to honor 45 okay and in what fashion like it's time to honor for the president for like less than a month i think i think it's time to honor for the president for like less than a month i think i think it's time to honor no that's 46 oh wow oh never mind sorry now i see where we're going and i'm still out on monday i'm going to i'm going to insult journalists i'm going to

lie the whole day i'm going to gaslight people i'm going to give everybody a nickname starting with you guys marika you're lying marika okay not even original low energy herwitz that's not original either pile we should say pile is gonna join he's in a meeting that's running 26 minutes late he's gonna going to be late Andrew. So that's the only original one. I thought he could have been like crooked Andrew or something, but you thought about that one. Crooked Danny Sellers actually sounds kind of nice.

There's a ring there. And he was a ring bearer at his, I believe, brother's wedding a couple of years ago. Let's really get into it. How are you guys doing? I've had a day full of blunders, so I'm in a bit a bit of a mood okay i would be curious to hear about the blunders because i've actually been feeling a bit a bit of a klutz myself let's do this let's do it's a it's a whole new segment marika's instead of marika's druthers it's marika's blunders so loud welcome to marika's blunders right no um this is way longer than i thought i was gonna go

i can't even hear you it was so loud so fucking loud you are a blunder i said introducing marika's blunders okay what are they Marika so I started I started the day I woke up really early because I intended to go to the dentist to pick up a retainer been to the dentist too many times this year but I looked outside and there was ice on the

ground and I was like I'm not biking to the dentist so I had to call my dentist she of course picked up it wasn't the administrative assistant so i felt extra bad canceling the appointment um so i'd say that was my first kind of blunder just like annoying thing to deal with of the day uh i just or like around noon noon was doing a really boring task of inputting data into uh an invoicing client and i messed up or i realized i did it in a bad way and had to redo the entire thing so that took a solid hour out of my day and really bummed me out

and then i didn't eat lunch until 3 p.m and i was like i barely want to cook so i decided to try and make a like eggplant garlicky soy sauce dish and i cooked an entire eggplant and now it's just sitting on a in a bowl on my kitchen table because i don't want to eat it anymore why don't you want to eat it anymore because it tasted bad what was that sound effect? Sorry, I hit the wrong one. There it is. It didn't need a laugh track for sure. It wasn't worth the effort, I would say. Yeah, definitely wasn't.

I'm sorry. I really am sorry about this one. What else? Were those the two things? Yeah, it was those two things. There was like another spreadsheet woe. I had to deal with a lot of spreadsheet stuff today uh and my brain just couldn't handle it and then i have now i just have a bunch of eggplant that i don't want to eat um so that's how my day's going can you tell me

why why you don't want to eat the eggplant anymore? You made the soy. You made the plant. What is the reason that it's sitting in a bowl? You made the soy. Yeah, I did it very haphazardly and quickly and without really using any specific recipe. I guess like one, I think the eggplant was like on its way out. Like it was a little wrinkly. It wasn't at its peak. So that might have made it taste a little weird.

Also, the sauce that I made was too salty. I would say maybe I didn't cook the eggplant enough. I think it would be fine if I had made rice, but I didn't make any rice. So it's truly just a bowl of soggy, soy saucy eggplant. The rice is there to soak the soy you have to have the soy based rice yeah that's yeah i didn't i didn't have time so i'll eat it later it'll be fine maybe you can make rice later but there's time in the day yeah yeah there is i'll have it for dinner thanks guys it guys. It really helped out. I feel confident in moving forward with my evening now.

Jeff is searching feverishly for some kind of reaction that'll make you feel bad. Damn, Daniel. Back at it again with the white van. Perfect. I don't understand. Like, you make me talk about my day and I'm open and honest and you don't say a single word in response. Jake has to carry the entire conversation that you made me start. And then you're just searching for reactions that are vines of phrases that don't relate at all. It's not even just the non-verbal reaction that he gives

because he has this like really intent, it's a look. He's like leaning into the fucking camera on his computer. But he's not looking at you. He's eyes darting. He's not looking. He gets like a sneer in his lips, a snarl across his face.

Yeah. And then a little too late too little too late i would say there it is every time it's interesting i just feel like um i'm not gonna do it any justice do what justice this has been it's so loud did i mention that that was the soviet union's national i'm so sorry um 4 30 p.m we were supposed to start at four I'm so sorry. Where is Pyle? Where is Pyle? It's 4.30 p.m.

We were supposed to start at 4. Pyle slacked me in response to me sending the Zoom link. I'm on a call. It might go a little long. And then I said, fair. And he said, not really. And then I said, what about 4.10? And he said, yeah. And then at 4.10, he sent a bunch of emojis and then i said at 4 15 we're

gonna start join when you can and it's now 4 35 and marika just slacked pile save us it's harder when there's only two other people on it shouldn't be right because it's like 33 percent of the show which is just so much you're already that amount with four people on true true let's get deep though we never get deep on this show last week I think Ferris was vulnerable

and I rewarded it what's that I'm just reacting to what you say you jump down my throat when I'm like yes and what you say. You jump down my throat when I'm like, yes anding you. Do you know what I mean? You say Ferris got vulnerable. No, I'm not trying to jump down your throat.

I didn't say anything that time. I didn't say anything that time. You almost said, what's that? You just looked at me like expectantly. And I was letting you talk. I was letting you finish even though i think what you're saying i am chill what are you doing no like what's really going on in the life and times of jake you have been so combative towards

me in the last 30 seconds yelling at me playing reactions when i'm trying to speak and then and then you say let's get deep i really want like do you think that that's like as an interviewer is that a way to get a guest to open up and and be disarming i mean did you ever see do you ever see chelsea lately not lately sorry oh that's good. He's nagging you, I guess. No, but have either of you guys seen Chelsea lately? Ever? Or lately? Not lately.

Have you ever seen Chelsea lately in Chelsea? Lately? So you're like in the meatpacking district. And like you recently saw Chelsea lately. I know where Chelsea is. It's not the meatpacking district. It's two different parts of New York. Have you ever been to the Lower East Side?

All right, you're in the West Village. She was an interesting late night host in that she sort of disarmed her guests. Open flirting, you know, sexuality in a way as a way to sort of break down, if not barriers, then people's guards so that's what i try to do with the show i and i think i'm a good interviewer i think i'm a good interview because i'm good on a first date let's let's just act like we're all on a first date it's like a thruple

we're all single and ready to thringle so what do you do for a living jake i'm your boss just like why would we be answering these questions we've known each other for almost five years i'm trying to ease into it if you want to get serious we can get serious uh fucking what we never wanted to jake what was the last if not emotionally taxing argument fight that put a strain on your marriage. Let's start there. Oh my God. That's such an invasive question.

I mean, my God. Are you smoking a pipe? Don't take out a pipe. Where do you work? Was too surface level? What was the last argument you had with your wife? It's too personal. Let's try and strike a perfect balance. What's a new sexual fetish you've developed in the rest calendar year?

I think that's, in a way, that's more invasive. You've been on Girls on Porn. How is it weird that I asked that? This is still a HeadGum podcast. That was the premise of the show. You go on to talk about porn. What are you leaning on, Jeff? You're in a closet.

This smoking a pipe is as much an emotional crutch as it is a clothing rack an actual crutch yeah all right we don't we're not going to talk about marriage issues we're not going to talk about fucking kinks uh god what does that leave us what was your last fetish that you came up with over the course of the pandemic oh you know kind of how does it feel to be put on the spot let's hear your answer Oh, you know, kind of. How does it feel to be put on the spot? Let's hear your answer. I actually want to know.

I almost said it though. I really want to know. I just don't want to make you guys. I know. The fact that you're, we're going to be sincere. It's kind of more of like a. I do want to know. Now I really need to know. It's a very small thing.

It's a very small thing. Marika, you can cover. Oh, giant test porn. Yeah, totally. Shrinking. I know it. I love it. That very small thing it's a very small thing marika you can cover oh giant test porn yeah totally shrinking i know it i love it that's awesome that's my thing too yeah a fellow shrunk brother i didn't love it who's your favorite giant test yeah pulling underwear to the side and that's it that's kind of the kink within a kink in a way so it's like she keeps her thong on and I've got my dong dong

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exclusively at drinkag1.com slash what's that? Again, that's drinkag1.com slash what's that? Check it out. Oh shit. Oh my God. This is the one that we needed pile for. Fine. Welcome to Humble or Bumble. or bumble this week bumble the dating app uh went public and it's trading at uh let's get a live thing here live uh stock option price you all right yeah no i just um i haven't had sex since like May $75 $75 and I don't know how many shares they have total but basically the takeaway is CEO Whitney Wolf heard

she's a billionaire she really is she's actually the youngest self-made billionaire Kylie Jenner doesn't count because she wasn't self-made what's that I grunted an agreement if you want i will be utterly silent for the remainder so you never have to ask please don't please whitney wolf

heard was in a uh seminar for lack of better term um that i attended over zoom nary eight months ago Jake and it basically it was glorious Steinem wolf herd and me and a couple other USC grad students and she was she was humble really was she was down to. She obviously knew that most people had shown up to the TED Talk, really, for Steinem. So she chimed in when needed, but she really gave Gloria the floor, and for that, I was floored.

But the question remains, how does one stay humble even if you're the billionaire CEO of Bumble? So that's what we're gonna get into this segment um i'm gonna shout out some scenarios of things that happen to you is there time left in the segment i feel like the intro to the segment ate up all of the all of the necessary air time that we'd need just about a zoom call that you're on the next one until pile fucking shows up because it's literally based on him.

So, anyway, humble or bumble, I'm going to shout out scenarios that could go to your head potentially. And you guys tell me how you would deal with it to stay down to earth and grounded. First one, a tweet of yours goes viral, like Caleb Heron style. How would I stay humble

if a tweet of mine went viral? Or a parlor. What does a tweet have to get to be viral? Let's say 100,000 likes, 40,000 retweets. 10,000 retweets. Wow. Jake, you don't tweet anymore. That's right.

Yeah. I'm off the juice. I think that it took too long. I haven't tweeted in such a long time that now if I come back, it really, it has to be big. Yeah, but like now it's, now you have a ton of time, you know? But maybe you don't want to fill it with that. Anyway, tweet of years ago is viral. How do you stay humble?

I don't stay humble. I would guess my tweet that went viral is the one from my drafts. Do you think Ross from Friends ever gets schwimmer's ear and i think i would slide into david schwimmer's dms and kind of ask his advice like how did you as ross not get schwimmer's ear yeah how did you not get how did you avoid getting schwimmer's ear so the way you would stay humble is sliding into r's DMs and asking if David Schwimmer ever got Schwimmer's ear. Well, that's the tweet that went viral. Which is just having water in your ear.

I wonder if he has Twitter. Let's see. Marika, you said that you just would let it go to your head. Yeah, I definitely let it go to my head. I feel like ultimately if a tweet of mine goes viral it doesn't matter because what it's about is getting the followers and i know that if it's just a one-off viral tweet i'm not gonna get the followers from that so it's kind of like interesting so marika would just let it go to her head jake doesn't have twitter but if

he did would tweet that one tweet is sure it would go viral and then just ask david schwimmer use the fame to parlay that into a relationship with yeah swim himself him so both swim self they very david swim self sorry answers let me finish david swim self the man swim cell do you understand okay yeah yeah i just wanted to get it clean because you were talking over me a little bit when i first said it i feel like it deserves the bomb drop not the polite laugh thank you thank you damn daniel um all right next one next scenario you make a fortune off of dogecoin i would stay humble because i'd go off the grid i would not talk about it i would i would be about it i would get a yacht i would throw my phone into the ocean and i would never look back that's what i would do how do you liquidate if you throw your phone into the ocean like how do you sell to get

the cash for the yacht i would have an assistant who had a phone with my accounts. I'd have a money manager. Okay. Okay. I'd have a personal assistant and an executive assistant. I don't touch the technology anymore. I'm sitting in a jacuzzi. You'd have a second assistant?

You don't even have a job at that point. You're living off of crypto money. Hmm. Hmm. Hmm. Okay. But me and Schwimmer are in Turks and Caicos on on my fucking pontoon and he has schwimmer's ear yeah finding out for yourself he could get schwimmer's ear if he doesn't have a bathing cap

but i think he will have a bathing cap because david knows how to avoid schwimmer's ear and other pitfalls okay so don't you worry about us it's not hard to avoid not when you're in saint kitts on a fucking catamaran yeah it is a little hard to avoid swimmers here. Not when you're in St. Kitts on a fucking catamaran. Yeah, it is a little hard to avoid swimmers here. The boat keeps changing. You said it was a pontoon, you said it was a yacht, and now it's a fucking catamaran. It could be a canoe for all I care.

As long as I'm in Nevis with a swimmer. Marie, could you reach off Dodge? What do you do to stay grounded? I barely understand cryptocurrency okay in this scenario you know what it is and you got rich off of it can i use that to buy things is that the kind you kind of have to cash out in a way right i mean i think i would stay humble because i i would want to try and redistribute that wealth but i don't really understand how to do that with bitcoin so or dogecoin or whatever this is um so i just i try to give it to people and i guess in that way it's that's good that's really good actually all right uh this one again kind of banked on pile being here uh all right you start dating

someone really attractive and everyone's sort of giving you daps like oh like man they're really hot like you're good for you good for she they are good for you so so not only are they attractive but like people like hang out with them and they they're like good on you basically cool i'd be humble i feel well the way that you described it i think i think of they're saying that you're not good enough for them so i think i'd be a little self-conscious right okay that might lead to some resentment if people are keep saying that to me so it feels like an unhealthy situation but if i mean for the first like few months or whatever i'd be pretty stoked i would definitely let it go to my head yeah i feel like it's good jake uh i doesn't need the applause after the explosion people

coming up to me and schwimmer in the caribbean being like how did you land swimmer I would be like I was actually viral in a tweet does that make sense so I would stay humble these aren't compounding scenarios they're not all happening in sequence for him they are and

they should because I think that's a natural progression this is a it's a linear chain of events there is a narrative here I had a tweet that went viral I invested that's a natural progression. This is a, it's a linear chain of events. There is a narrative here. I had a tweet that went viral. I invested that influencer marketing money into Dogecoin. Me and Schwimmer, we're off on a trawler in the fucking Gulf of Mexico. And now we're hooking up.

And I think that's pretty damn neat. And I'm sorry if I do have a big head about it because I think it's cool too. Damn, Daniel, back at it again with the white van. That fucking, that soundbite is so, like, I don't like the way it sounds in my head.

Yeah, it's very lo-fi. It's very great. Alright, you buy a whole new outfit and stunt on him. His and his matching banana hammocks, and schwimmer diving off your turks and cake goes and uh eating cake off each other's o's so it's a cake pop with a stick kind of penetrating each other's rear end easy and then you kind of go and eat ass and eat the cake pop on a hammock with bananas printed on it in banana hammocks with

David Schwimmer. You both have Schwimmer's ear. I'm trying to compound all of this. And you better believe we're not just pulling the we're not just pulling the bathing suit down. You're moving it to the side. Because nothing's hotter than that. I'm actually upset because I kind of think that's sexy too.

And I'll never be able to see it again in porn without thinking of you. Damn it. I'm so sorry. I mean was this yeah um we have to play the pile game without pile right we just have to do pile segment we'll have to do it um let's just finish this one out then um you build the vimeo player then subsequently build a revolutionary podcast ad sales platform that helps launch the company's value tenfold and secure Series C funding from Union Square Ventures. How do you stay humble? I think you have

to have other shit go wrong in your life. If I'm speaking for Pyle. You have to have your pipes freeze at your place upstate. Yeah, that was my first thought. Your dog has to have a stomach issue. Your son has to show early signs of being

a dork fuck off with that ollie's cooler than you are the guy's what 14 months and he has nothing to show for it that's rude of you he has a really dope how is that rude on paper he doesn't even have a resume

do you i got fired from carpool karaoke How is that rude? On paper, he doesn't even have a resume. Do you? I got fired from Carpool Karaoke. Marika, how does Pyle stay humble? And then we have one more rapid fire. Just make it quick. My thought was also the pipes freezing. So I think, yeah. What about this? You win an election, but it's stolen from you.

Hashtag stop the steal. 45. Defending 45, huh? President's Day. This has been Humble or Bumble. Humble or Bumble. Oh, no. Welcome to A Pylon at Marika Aylon

Um This is a segment called A Pylon Marika Aylon Uh, this was submitted by Discord user koi cowboy and the idea pile was that he was going to read marika's tweets and then we were going to sort of pile on so jake i sent them to you instead of pile and uh you'll read them out loud and describe them and then we'll sort of wax. Okay. I initially thought that the whole point of this was making fun of my tweets. So I guess I'm kind of glad it could be positive.

Yeah, I wanted to open it up to piling on any kind of feedback, positive or negative. But let's just see how it goes. I mean, so far, good tweets. You know, this one is a screenshot of a trending topic, entertainment. Malcolm in the middle. Marika posts, I absolutely love to see it. Which I think is good. It's subtle.

Because the saying is, you absolutely love to see it. But it's really internalizing it, making it personal. This is Marika's druthers at its finest it really is I think this was one of Marika's worst tweets and I want to explain why yeah please do wow

yeah the other one's funny you have more to give yeah and that's exactly exactly right Jake oh I thought I just think that there's like Like, what's the... What's the target audience? What's, like, people who watched Malcolm in the Middle? Are you making fun of Malcolm in the Middle? Like, the premise wasn't clear,

and for that, I think you should steer clear of Twitter for a week. I mean, to be quite honest, this was a rapid-fire tweet. Early morning, just watched Wandaavision episode six saw malcolm in the middle trending i love malcolm in the middle and i was like so great for me i can't tweet out spoilers so it was the next best thing my god okay smoking elmo alex moffitt is the hottest thing i've seen all week with two just just really funny photos of Alex Moffat smoking in an Elmo costume with the Elmo head off. And then two months later, Marika posts again. She posts, it's happening again with two screenshots of Alex Moffat dancing in a top hat and cane, I think in a Giants uniform.

I'll give this one four out of five druthers. Wow. I think it's funny. The photos of Alex Moffat are so funny. Like, did you search for the best ones or did you just kind of like pull these at random? I was watching SNL. I think the first one was uh maybe the last time john mulaney hosted and they were doing a musical number

and it was a bunch of like people in times square and i just saw him in that costume and i was like why what is happening uh and then this last episode was the other ones that just made me laugh. It felt like the same vibe. And we should say that if people want to kind of watch along and look at these tweets for themselves, they can follow Marika at Marika Ailan. M-A-R-I-K-A-E-L-O-N. So wait, can I ask, are these tweets in earnest? They're earnest tweets. Yes.

That really makes him funnier because he's like, I don't think he's hot, but he's not not hot. And it's funny that you think he's hot in the Elmo costume. He's definitely the hottest, one of the hottest people in the current SNL cast.

We finally got the delayed answer to Marika's kink that she developed over COVID. It's Moffat. No. Moffat in costume. All right, next tweet. Marika writes on February 1st,

Am I depressed or have I just not had Trader Joe's cookies in a year? You can absolutely get those. Not easily for me. I'm not near a Trader Joe's and i'm not gonna like bike to go inside of one so i've been without for a year part of this twitter is this tweet is actually the thread where somebody named victoria responds that she now knows to uh what to get you for your belated birthday baked good yeah and you write back, honestly, I can provide a list. Now I know like a small gift that I can get for you for your birthday.

No, no, no, not small, not small. I have a list of the cookies that I want. I have many druthers. Porco Bebop actually responds to you too. Porco writes, I'll ship you some from California. Did they ever do that? No, but I think Victoria is actually going to get me some cookiesco writes, I'll ship you some from California. Did they ever do that? No, but I think Victoria is actually going to get me some cookies, which is nice of her. Oh yeah, this was only like 10 days ago.

So yeah, you should be good. All right. You'll be fine. Thanks. Thank you. Oh, is this called subtweeting yourself? Retweeting yourself?

Is that what it is? I don't know how Twitter works. Yeah. Quote tweeting. Quote tweeting. Oh, quote tweeting. All right. Marika quote tweets herself from October 21st, 2020. She writes, well, this hasn't aged well. And the tweet that she quote tweeted was, ARMY hasn't DM'd me back. I can explain. Please.

There was the movie Rebecca came out, I guess, that day on Netflix. And Armie Hammer posted an Instagram that was like, if you take a photo of yourself wearing a tracksuit and watching Rebecca, I'll DM you. I was like, this is too weird and funny to not take up. And I have a track suit. So I did it. He did not respond. Never? Never responded, which is definitely for the best.

Absolutely. So obviously I had to get in front of if anyone came for me tried to cancel me I had to get ahead of that and say like this wasn't good because it's a bad situation respect

here's file what did I miss are you recording I couldn't figure out how to record on my computer so I'm recording a voice memo we were just at a crossroads deciding whether or not to really do a deep dive on army hammers

behavior what's the most recent sexual fetish you've developed in the past calendar year by the way we all answered we all answered quickly and honestly recent sexual fetish you've developed in the past calendar year? By the way, we all answered. We all answered. I'm sure you did. Quickly and honestly. Mine's yanking panties to the side.

Whoa. Just so you know, Jeff actually did answer. Piles, or sorry, Marika's is fucking Alex Moffat in a Elmore costume. No. That's awesome. And mine was eating David Schwimmer's ass. Sorry, Marika's is fucking Alex Moffat in an Elmo costume. That's awesome. And mine was eating David Schwimmer's ass.

Or having him eat mine. There's no way I'm going to get up to speed to you guys' energy level right now. From cold. From coming where I just came from. We've been through so much. We're in the middle of a segment that had to do with you. It's called A Pile. Sorry, hang on. It's called A Pile on Marika Elan.

Jake, there's only one tweet left, right? That's right. Yeah. All right, pile. I'm texting you this tweet. Just read it out loud. And then we're going to pile on Marika either positively or negatively. Am I reading it out loud or am I just reading it to myself? Out loud. Yeah. And describing it. Okay. This is from Marika Brownlee, Marika Elan, November 20th, 2020. Why can't I sleep? Well, I am simply thinking about the cover of Careless Whisper that Alex Gascarth, Juliet Sims, and 303 put out in 2008. This actually, so the tweet was sent at 1.19 a.m., which makes me like it. If this was a mid-afternoon tweet, that's like... All of Marika's tweets have been honest. That's the theme.

I don't think she lies. Not like Bloomfield on Twitter. There's comedy in truth. Not like Jeff on Twitter. Yeah, that's right. I was thinking about this cover that's haunted me for the last 10 years. It's a cover of Careless Whisper, and then at the end of it, 303 raps for some reason. Oh. That's it do you think there would

be more to say about this one Jeff well the point of the segment is to pile on to Marika Elon so I'm supposed to be angry about this yeah I think it's nice that it's honest I guess I yeah the segment the idea of all of us ridiculing Marika or something, I think that that's, I'm ready to pile on you for the idea. I didn't make this one. Koi Cowboy made it from the Discord. I think it was mean spirit and I think you're a bad guy. Anyone else agree?

I didn't write it. Marika sent this to me, said, hey, should we do this today? I didn't even say that. I just said I remembered this comment. Okay, how else am I supposed to take it that at 3.20, 40 minutes before we start recording, Marika sends me this saying, I just remembered this comment okay how else am I supposed to take it that at 3 20 40 minutes before we start recording Marika sends me this saying I just remembered this comment lol and then I said

ha ha ha shall we and then she said do you think it would be funny the exact question we are all now posing this is beyond fuck this episode had so much potential whoever Kyle was just meeting with fucking ruined it Not having three people. Oh, sorry this bullshit that I bring no no it's not your fault I mean, it's absolutely my no it's really not I can't wait for you to hear the rest of this episode Here's here's how you can write the wrong pile. you just say i'm andrew pile and i think we need to stop the steal absolutely not no way just all you have to say is those words it doesn't mean anything it's uh you know it's gonna be put in the cold open and just say hi i'm andrew pile Say, hi, I'm Andrew Pyle, and I think... What? Just that.

Fine, you know what? I'll let you. I'll walk into this one for you. Hi, I'm Andrew Pyle, and I think... We need to stop this deal. Hardly even clever. Plugs! Jake, what are you working on? Wait, I really missed the entire show? It's 55 minutes in at this point

just come on another time all right i'll tell my next projects anything oh oh me and amir have a live show um there's there's tickets for it uh at jakeandamir.com uh it's on february 24th it's live version of the if i were you podcast come Come check it out. Marika, plugs? Listen to all the new Headcum podcasts that are coming out. Hobby Hunter, I think, was the last one that just came out. Listen to that. Oh, yeah. Follow my Twitter to see more sad tweets, I guess.

Marika, Elon, pile? Anything you want to pile on, plugs-wise? Please, please buy ads on our shows shows go to gumball.fm oh my god please we need the money no one's giving us any money anymore daddy chill see all these sound buttons are fresh to him um that sounded so desperate i might have to cut it out we have to get the illusion that we're doing well and then you can follow me on instagram at jeffrey james on twitter at jeff boyardee uh we'll catch you guys again next week thank you guys for coming on and uh have a

great long weekend probably have any valentine's day plans to leave us off with nope catch you on diesel so awful Catch you on the flip. Diesel. So awful. That was a Hiddem original.