The Headgum Podcast - 46: The Final Audit

Episode Date: April 16, 2021

Amir makes his return to the show to make a final assessment of the audit of Geoff as the host of The Headgum Podcast. Is this the final episode? Tune in and find out, or not.Advertise on The Headgum Podcast via Gumball.fmRate The Headgum Podcast 5-stars on Apple Podcasts.Join the Headgum Discord.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Original. Previously on the HeadGum Podcast. So when should I come back? Probably never, but maybe like in a few years after this whole thing has either subsided or enough people have died and gained herd immunity that you don't have to worry about catching the virus. Okay. And that's, and you're only saying that because of the virus.

It's not because of any like personal beef you have with me? What was the question you had? You said that was a good segue to the Matt. Okay. And that's, and you're only saying that because of the virus. It's not because of any like personal beef you have with me. What was the question you had? You said that was a good segue to the Matt Damon thing. And then I sneezed and it created this weird tangent for the last. Believe it or not,

this show is not scripted. This show is not scripted, but that was a perfect, tight, tight, cold open. No, it wasn't. Welcome to the Edgum podcast.

No way. You cannot start at this late. You can't. No way. You cannot start at this late in the game. Yes. Train's rolling into the station, right? Week four, audit edition, HeadGum podcast style. We've got with us as always, Marika Brownlee on the sax, Jake Hurwitz on the pod, and an old friend of mine, an old work colleague in a way,

and I think he's going to be pretty happy to see the changes that have been made. Amir Blumenfeld, welcome to the show. Yeah. Thanks. Forget it. Thank you. What do you mean forget it? It felt like nothing has changed. Let's keep it positive.

Yeah, it felt like nothing has changed. Let's keep it positive. Let's see what he has in store. It's all right. So basically, Amir, I mean, the elephant in the room, which is what you called me all hands in an all hands meeting four weeks ago you kind of chewed me out and again at the beginning i sort of thought it was because of other issues in your life i thought that maybe

you skipped therapy that week you took it out as anger on me with a bond me and uh i've learned through this process basically what we've done is we've had outside guests on the past three weeks as you took your as you called it sabbatical and i feel like i've been bettered how what have you changed what have you learned well basically i was different about you i was broken down brick by brick with this poison really and uh in the middle of it i was like i've been better you know like i was kind of low and i was like i've been better but now i've i realize i've been bettered the feedback that i got has changed me uh irreparably in a way and as in i'm not gonna go back to the way it was

what do you okay so let's let's so let's have the episode let's see how it. Let's see how it is. Let's see if you've changed. So far, it feels identical to when I left. And by the way, I didn't not go to therapy that day and then lose my cool on you. Like, don't think that the fact that you still blame me for that means you've learned absolutely nothing, let alone been broken down brick by brick and bettered. Well, it's not only broken down brick by brick, but it was also like I almost set up a brick and mortar. And I don't mean a storefront. I mean that the bricks were broken down brick by brick, and I went to Mordor because it was a hero's journey. Yeah. What's that, Jake?

I was fucking, I was just following. I said, really, to your story. So you don't even have to stop talking. I said, really? It's like a normal thing that people do in a conversation this might be a bad sample size because i'm a little on edge i'm a little nervous that like he's gonna yell at me again but basically i want to the lessons that i've learned so far blumenfeld are number one i needed to stop blaming you amir and i needed to instead look in the mirror and blame me yep i need to be more relatable have you done that what'd you say have you done that nice jeff what'd you say i like that i feel like i have i think that i've been working on all these things if you just let me finish for a second so why do you think

i yelled at you in the meeting why do you think that happened if you're gonna assign blame to one of us for that i think that um well you know anger is a secondary emotion so you were hurt so i had to look in the mirror and say what did i do to hurt him and for the longest time i couldn't think of jack but what i've come to is that i tend to rub people the wrong way by not being relatable and that's what i need to work on is kind of reading more and knowing things that people can be joyous to talk to me about those are the two lessons i got from the first episode of this audit the second episode was that these game shows these not pranks but like quizzes these gotcha this gotcha journalism that i've made the show into tends to get under your skin and everyone else it's just that you yes yeah my skin and everyone else's that's right also known

as everyone's skin i'd like to phrase it as your skin and everyone else's because you hit your breaking point first and so it is a two-way street in that specific regard and so the way that i fix that is like instead of you know bringing on segments about like conservative jargon spoken on the senate floor for sure but amplified on this show that doesn't serve anyone let alone marginalized communities so what i have to do is not make sure that each game isn't samey it can't be the same where it's like either or maybe one of those right per show but maybe one of them's more actually open to real discussion on the day okay in the zoom where it's like either or maybe one of those right per show but maybe one of them's more actually open to real discussion on the day okay in the zoom because it is yeah it does feel

very repetitive when you're like you have a guest on and then the game is one thing or and then something that rhymes with that person's radish or gnaw that's actually pretty good i might have to table radish no it's not we're telling you that it's not so that wouldn't even be your own original bad idea you want to steal a never mind just move on the final week last week uh i had my you know some of my closest friends on who only had my best interests at heart and they basically told me that i'm on the right track it's just that i have to mariko what were the lessons from last week? I feel like I feel like you ingested them so you should just speak from your heart about what they are. Well it was definitely it was also mixing the audio levels making sure

that not every episode includes a damn Daniel you know. Yeah that was that was one of my notes that I think you did a good job at taking by when? By the third audit? Yeah. I was on the first two and he hadn't done it, even though we brought it up on the first one. It was absolutely the third one.

But then even on the third one, he still played the old ones to compare and contrast. But overall, it's fixed, which is great. And that's pretty much the bulk of what I learned. I think the thing that I'd love to see from you, Amir, is maybe taking responsibility for your part in all this as well. Honestly, hearing damn Daniel is one of the funniest parts of the episode. So like the one thing that you did learn, I disagree with.

Every time I hear it, I think it's really good. All right. Then I guess one of the lessons so far in this episode is that nobody's ever going to be happy and I should just do what I want to do. Interesting. A valid lesson. All right. Let's just get into the show then.

And again, if you have any notes, ideally positive, but constructive feedback is also welcome to a lesser extent. Just say stop. Just yell stop. And then that stops the show and you can give the feedback. And then we'll talk about it in that space. We heard it. And then don't do it again. When we want to go back.

You yelled stop so loud that we all stopped. We all stopped. It had stopped. Don't do that again. When we want to go back. You yelled stop so loud that we all stopped. We all stopped. It had stopped. Don't do that. Yeah. All right. Welcome to another edition of the HeadGum Podcast. I know that everything so far will not be included because that's just part of the audit.

I think what we've been doing so far is just putting out the in-between, the stops and everything. Interesting. Because at the end of the day, this is a product. This is IP. And we have to make people laugh. I don't know. Maybe check in with Ferris about what has been aired because he might be wrong. That would be embarrassing.

You don't listen to the show. Not after I record it. Yeah. That makes sense. With this is never before. Amir Valerie Blumenfeld, Jacob Hurwitz himselfitz himself and marika the sax man brownlee how is everybody i think that one of the other notes that marika gave me sorry stop one of the other notes that marika gave me was uh you know we can also just have normal conversation it doesn't always

have to be like goofs podcast proceed um how are you guys how are you guys's personal lives i feel like i haven't seen you in an office in a couple months. It's been over a year since the lockdown. You haven't seen us in person since when? Last January, February? Yeah, that would have been March. This isn't catching up. Yeah. We've spoken since then.

You're caught up, basically, I think. We're not doing anything or going anywhere. All right. You haven't seen me in, yeah, 14 months. I'm good, personally. Thanks for asking. Had a great week. Vaccinated yet or?

Halfway there. Halfway vaxxed. Half vaxxed as they say. Pfizer gang? Pfizer gang. Pfizer gang. Got it in Manhattan. Hell yeah.

You know, my week's fine. Just floating along, doing my little tasks, watching my little shows. You're belittling yourself. Watching my little shows uh belittling yourself watching my tiny shows also half vaxxed visor gang rep yeah respect how are you jeff i'm good i'm good i mean i'm nervous for sure for this episode something i was thinking about that was kind of interesting about the vax though is that it doesn't have to go in through your arm that's just like the most popular place to get it because it can't enter through the lymph nodes etc but it just has to be intramuscular so i do wonder if there's a world where i could have gotten the

vax in my axe your what my ass yeah i guess but if it's like a drive-through how would that possibly go down at a cbs minute clinic window down ass out i'm wearing a some kind of g-string just to cover the you know the whole thing and g-string really doesn't cover the whole hardly anything really you also texted me the other day what if i get the johnson and johnson in my johnson and johnson that's sort of like a one and done so inappropriate you shouldn't text me that yeah you shouldn't want to have gotten the vaccine in your ass all right i mean people have this sore arm thing i could have dealt with a sore ass and that wouldn't have been too bad because I would have got that vax anyway

I mean fucking nothing today what was that nothing just cut that out no no stop stop you say we're giving you nothing you've been great it's just like I'm seeing blank stares from Jake and Amir,

which is insane because they used to be comedians on collegehumor.com. Oh, my God. What do you want with us to say? So far, all you said is that I wonder if I can get the vaccine in my ass. I fucking yes-handed that and came up with a pretty good Johnson & Johnson joke. And then that's for you considered not giving you anything I gave you more than you should have gotten

and a lot more than you deserve you're right I mean it's like and sometimes this is the exact thing of like looking in the mirror instead of blaming you and I lapsed there while talking about the vax there Jake you're kind of chic you're kind of like someone

with a good aesthetic thank you is there a follow up? what did you say Marika? I said unreal I wanted to kind of relate to him in that way I can't help but feel like I have a cool aesthetic you're sitting in a closet full of seats

I do like your glasses today, though. Oh, I'm getting LASIK. This is relatable to two out of three of you guys. I'm not for sure getting it, but I have my consultation. I was a candidate in December 2019, and I was going to get it. I had a date set for the surgery. But then I ended up working on Carpool, and we didn't get off until the the day before Christmas or something so I didn't get to come home for that because I was going to do it here

but on Amir's recommendation I found a place near Cedars on Amir's recommendation? not my recommendation? yours did look like it was next to a subway or some kind of Qdoba like it was definitely in a strip mall it's not in a strip mall it's on Wilshire it's in fucking Beverly Hills

it's not it's not in the strip mall it's on wilshire it's in it's in fucking beverly hills okay it's not it's in it's mid-city it's mid-city and i resent you saying that it's next to a fucking qdoba where did amir go somewhere in the fucking valley probably obviously bleep it then bleep that then i don't need people knowing anything about us fine ferris cut bleep that out or cut that out. I don't care. Bleep that out? Where you got your LASIK done?

Yeah, because it's like a fucking kid. Your family friend. I don't know. I feel weird saying stuff like that. Jake, you probably have healthy eyes. I know your prescription wasn't anywhere near as bad as mine. What's yours? Negative 5.5 in both eyes.

Wow, that's a lot pretty bad um so i i need somebody like a i understand me gotta bleep that too it was actually 2020 when i got my lasik i was 2020 i just wanted to be it wasn't good enough i strive for beyond perfection yeah now i'm 25 25 where did i get it no i said and did you get beyond perfection i have a cataract in my right eye and my left eye is a glass eye now so i don't really have depth perception and i see things you went to the kadoba for sure you get a quesadilla at my place you get rice and beans and fucking glasses rice and beans or rice and beans poison beans and glasses it's also a poorly rated qdoba so no but i'm excited about that i have my consultation uh i guess the following

monday when this drops so we'll see about that point being thank you for the compliment about my glasses but hopefully they're not here for much longer honestly the consultation hurts more than the actual surgery in a weird way because they do the did they honestly the consultation hurts more than the actual surgery in a weird way because they do the did they do the thing where they take the little square yeah they do the swab test right puff your eyes they do the yellow dye they do the dilation they really put your eyes through the ringer i have no recollection of that at all they didn't do that to me a kiddo no yeah they didn't need to check they didn't check anything for you you had a group on right so you just sort of walked in and said i have 48 and 36 cents in cash i can has perfect vision burger and then you left that day and a side of corn please but yeah i've already

done the consultation which is why i was i knew i was a candidate then but you know after a year i have a degenerative chronic dry eye disorder and obviously we've all been staring at screens way more the past year so I just need to make sure that my tear film didn't get so bad that I can't get the last year film your tear film yeah your base level of saline nobody knows about this shit don't talk about it casually the amount of salt on your eye is that what you're talking about if you have a mirror if you have a note for jeff say stop so far as to cut this stuff out this is this isn't a note on the podcast i'm actually intrigued on about this conversation within the show. Yeah, I see.

What was the main reason for all of you guys wanting to get LASIK? Was it like, you don't want to wear glasses anymore? Because I feel like I'm at the point where I feel like I can never not wear glasses. Like, it'll be weird. I'll look weird without glasses. For me, it was i my my prescription was not that bad so i wasn't anything you had 2020 it was really like minus 1.5 or mine and like minus one or something so it was like most of the time i didn't wear glasses but if i like

was driving i kind of had to or if i was watching tv it would be a little fuzzy and like sometimes i just wouldn't have glasses at work and i'd go on a walk and it would like get a little disoriented i was like on the cusp of needing to wear glasses all the time but i didn't want to yeah so i got it before i got there that was my that was my mo and that also means you're super low risk because it's like you don't they don't have to you know laser away too much of your cornea interesting amir what about you you were a lifetime glasses wearer yeah lifetime glasses where uh jake did a lot of the find by it almost yeah and uh i i've sort of convinced myself i know and i am still talking about it so one second that i was like it would be nice to wear glasses still it'd be nice to not wear glasses and then this laser eye surgery just gave me the option to do both. Like playing basketball with glasses was annoying.

Yeah. Swimming. I couldn't do that. So, you know, every time I got a haircut, I couldn't see what was going on. So I'm like,

of course, if I could just snap my fingers and have perfect vision, I would choose to do that. And the laser eye surgery felt like one step beyond that. I'm like, Oh, I could pay for a few thousand bucks and have perfect vision for the next however long. So I was like, okay, I'll do do it and then if i feel naked without the glasses i'll

still wear them and have your peripheral vision yeah peripheral vision is key key too but within a few weeks i just i felt more normal without the glasses and now i have these like blue light glasses and some empty lenses that i still can put on but i don't necessarily feel the need to do that yeah like does this feel weird to you guys or does this feel about right average normal i can tell they're blue light and maybe that's just because i know you have perfect vision but it's also like very reflective yeah i think my my the the one thing that has made me consider like even getting contacts I mean more contacts is going on roller coasters like

the experience yeah you have to hold on to your glasses hold on to your glasses Jesus can I finish or I was excited for you you cut her off with two very loud sound effects. Which I will say is another piece of advice given to Jeff.

You got to mix that down. Yeah, he's taking a phone call also, which is great. But it was to not interrupt people. Yeah, this is so interesting. But yeah, I love roller coasters. There was like one time I went on a roller coaster where I was by myself and I had my phone and my glasses on at the same time. But I was like afraid of them falling off. I was like a loop de loop.

So I was like sitting on the ride, holding my phone onto my thigh, like in my pocket and then holding onto my glasses. Yeah. So just I also never wore contact lenses like it felt too yeah well i wanted to check the lipid panel because yeah the last time for 20 years i only had glasses i had else and i guess it was like the top one percent of ldl and hdl to be clear he's not on the phone because i'm starting to get worried for like you know you can see the apps see yeah so he's really okay he's like some weird power mover that sounds good yeah he muted himself so we can't see any three we can't hear him if jeff is playing his conversation all right and then yeah it's just the hdl and the ldl cholesterol that i want to get checked with the lipid panel okay cool and vitamin d25 as well yeah for sure a fake one he's not on the

phone cool see you then and should i oh sorry like he's talking in a way that he definitely knows sorry i'm like in the middle of a podcast he's had this okay i will real conversation he knows about the different kinds of cholesterols and shit yeah keep that in sorry about that yeah of course He knows about the different kinds of cholesterols and shit. Yeah. Keep that in. Sorry about that. Yeah, of course. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp.

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Try AG1 and get a free one-year supply of vitamin D3K2 and five free AG1 travel packs with your first purchase exclusively at drinkag1.com slash what's that? Again, that's drinkag1.com slash what's that? Check it out welcome to for comparisons jake you guys know for we couldn't hear that there's no way we could hear that it was deafening and then you were sort of yelling over it peaked absolute nonsense you guys know the old adage like for comparison's sake well this is for comparisons jake you've learned nothing what's that you've learned nothing you haven't even heard the name of the game the game it's

not a yes this or that it's not a for cash thing yet it's's just a way to wax. It's a fucking format to play with. Don't get so defensive. You just paused the podcast to take a phone call. I muted myself. The fact that Amir is like, you haven't changed. It's not just about the game that's happening right now. You know what? The game itself is what's changed.

You guys used to humor me. This used to be great. That phone call is about blood work I'm getting done. I'm basically due for a heart attack in the next 15 years i'm 23 years old what's your diet i eat normally it's probably a symptom of a heterocholesterolemia or something it's a hereditary thing because my ferritin levels are fine which means that there's no inflammatory issues it's just high cholesterol from genes unless you know my gene i need to update my genes yeah nice and not even a fucking corner smile on a mirror i love the tips of his lips didn't go up he's hiding under his desk here we go this is for have you

guys ever played for comparison's sake no no all right so for comparison's sake is where like i would be like oh what if marika was sort of like mussolini and then we talk about whether or not she is this is for comparisons jake so it's the same game basically well we can all like lob up some names of celebrities or public figures and we say how maybe maybe rate on a scale of one to ten how similar jake is to that person does that make sense not really let's do a practice around the rules make sense it doesn't make sense why we're playing it but okay go ahead doesn't matter why here we go howard stern what what are the options no options let's just fucking talk about it like is jake similar to him at all i would say yeah 10 out of 10 10 why would you say yeah because they're both hosts that's your qualifier didn't howard

stern used to make people ride a sibian yeah he did and i never did that you never introduced toys into the bedroom i feel like you're sexually adventurous this is way too intimate you're trying to compare fucking stern's sibian machine to my personal sex life come on you're not brad pitt you can talk about this shit oh yeah fornication is is akin to fucking lasik for you right that's how sharp i am down there it's the same shit jake have have you ever experimented with prostate play let's at least answer that move on to the next if you don't want to touch the toys at the very least no you've ever

had your glands expressed all right um what about Piers Morgan what about him for comparisons jake is uh is he like jake at all i do nine out of ten here why i mean you don't have the problematic takes that he does but you do you are a host and so it seems like host is most of your answer yeah that gets you to nine tenth and then there's just one other, which is if we have a weird kink in common or something, right? All right. All right.

Very good. Very good. We're all, we can all participate by the way. I don't know why I'm always like, cool. Yeah. So it's nine out of 10 and then me and peers both like to get a Blumpkin. So, so yeah, that's a 10 out of 10. It's perfect.

Are we pitching things? Yeah. Cause I mean, again, it seems like this happened last episode, but you have a clear pipes in the mouth as a distraction technique. You have a clear written out thing like you're doing hosts. That's your bit. They're not all hosts. But we don't have the luxury of having planned for this. So, like, where do we start?

Just lob it up at any, like, that's the thing. Like, it's not my fault you didn't come prepared. What is your fault and what you have to understand of is your fault you could have you could have texted them about this segment yeah and i felt that as soon as i said it uh i should have texted you guys i'm so fucking sorry you would be not sorry about it because that's a little no i'm like cutting i'm i'm sorry because because now you guys feel put on the spot you put you feel a little lost and i it was not my intention to make you feel that way and for that i'm sorry right now you're apologizing to the

point where like the only way to to for us to feel better is to like compare me to piers morgan which i don't want i don't want to be in that situation amir you're starting to like sour on the episode so let's save it here starting to it was a perfect game until now for comparisons jake i said yeah marika i said what about oprah i might have to do 10 out of 10 on that one because they're both hosts for one um and they're both extroverts i don't think i'm an extrovert damn daniel that's still funny about christian bale i'm gonna go like jake really only solely for the hair right now you both have they the christian bale hair that i imagine is similar we also we have similar body like his body in american psycho is like basically what i look like really it's

that's interesting balance like super thick beefy and cut that's like the one where he's like my body's perfect yeah and i'm a perfect specimen beefy and and cut. That's like the one where he's like, my body is perfect. Yeah. And I'm a perfect specimen. He's beefy and shredded in that. Right. I've heard people online say that I have a body exactly like Christian Bale. Who said that? No way. Where are people saying that?

Just like different forums and Twitter. Different forums. Show us one that said that you have the body like Christian Bale in American Psycho. Which, by the way, is like peak physical condition. Yeah. I'm not like vain. I don't like save that. You're vain because you brought it up.

Also, yeah, I just looked it up. No, they said you look like Christian Bale in The Machinist. The Machinist. The one where he lost like a thousand pounds. He's like emaciated from the waist up. But kind of like, you can tell that you're doughy from the waist down. Like you have the legs of a doughy man. And the upper body of a scrawl.

Is that Jake or Christian Bale? This one is actually Bale, but I can see where you can make the mistake. Especially like the stance. Okay, I really hate to see that. I really hate to see that. Yeah, I'm going to go not again. The only person in the Zoom that kind of reminds me of Christian Bale is Amir. Just in terms of like blowing up at work colleagues.

Christian Bale like pushed his mom one time at a premiere, I think. There was actually, because the thing is, Amir, and this is where i do think you need to take a little bit of responsibilities there was a time the old head gum office was a loading dock and the way you would get into the office unless you want to go through the building was up the stair set this little ladder like three steps and there were a couple times where like we'd be coming back from getting coffee or lunch with everybody and i'd be right behind you and it would feel like you would get to the top and almost push me down as i was getting to the top off the ladder but i was like oh no like he would never do that like to me but you know now i'm replaying history revising

it to my own consciousness and i have to think that there was some intention behind it i mean it's unclear if you're saying that he literally did push you down the stairs or if you just thought that he was going to i shoved him a few times yeah right there were a couple times too where like i would like think that you were further ahead of me than you were because i would be looking down at my phone and so i would like step onto the ladder as you are also on the ladder right and my face would just kind of go straight into your ass that's why i would i would kick you i would kick you with the back of my heel and i can't even report that to hr because it was like an honest mistake on both parties sides

at a certain point sure i got off on it but yeah oh god all right what about mickey dale who is that he was in the uk indie rock band embrace who are they they were a rock band Embrace. Who are they? They were a rock band in England, man. And I think he's not like you. Because you know what? You're not British. So don't bring him up. And you don't play an instrument other than guitar. Right.

He played electric guitar. I played electric guitar. Also, you said that Jake is like Piers Morgan, who's British. By the way, Mickey Dale, I'm looking him up. He does kind of look like Jake. So the one person who like, it seems like you forced back your way into it and then you said he doesn't remind you of Jake

at all. That's true. What is? What about Saxton Hale? Who are these people? Conservative talk show hosts and British museums. He's a character in Team Fortress 2. Saxton Hale, he's a cowboy that we're, saxton hill he's a cowboy that where it looks

like he's a fucking i what is this this is a multiplayer game what is from the mid-aughts and uh i think that he does remind me a little bit of you because he's kind of a nature boy dude saxton hale is a daring australian president and ceo of manco and the star of many comics he is considered the fourth richest man in america might as well say and ceo of manco and the star of many comics he is considered the fourth richest man in america might as well say the ceo of brother sister beard oil whatever you do thanks man what about jobe male left are you kidding me so we didn't even reconcile yeah that field male was the first mayor of plainview new jersey so i'm gonna have to go similar to jake because jake is from ct

which is sort of like nj wait you said similar the game was one to ten and now you've just shifted the rules to just like one bag some eighth really yeah eight for male because he was mayor of new jersey and i'm from connecticut yeah okay so because like i could imagine him there's got to be like a toad's place in plain view there's not there's only one toads yeah there's only one toad's place that's like their slogan yeah that's true let's get him here back in here all right what about kirk patrick sale how are we god you begged me to come back you said everything would be different sorry about what went down believe you me this next part won't be like the last

i come back on and the first thing i hear is okay what about patrick sale kirk patrick sale yeah so it is the same so he was an anti-globalization leftist and i have to think that it's similar to jake because he's also on the right side of history the problem with the games was that they were it's always this or this this or this you introduced this game and said were, it's always this or this, this or this. You introduced this game and said, you know, it's a scale of one to 10 and we can discuss the similarities. It's instantly turned into similar or not. And then that's it. And there's no discussion.

I'm trying to foster communication. Nobody's fucking saying anything other than whether you're trying to foster communication. You're just saying different celebrities that rhymed with Christian Bale. That's all you've been doing. Nobody's stopped. Nobody's come to a stop the whole fucking episode. I said you could. Amir, we did come to a stop.

Amir left. How's that not a stop? William Vale. The hotel. Sure. I got to say similar because you don't live too far. It's similar to Jake. 10 out of 10.

He loves the Vale. I do love the Vale. The Vale calls to me. I am the Vale. And the Vale is me. the veil the veil calls to me I am the veil and the veil is me Amir I have to ask no you don't have to ask

what Zona Gale author of such paperwork as Heart's Kindred didn't this come up recently you bring her up a lot

every fucking episode can't move on this all goes back to you saying you were going to be more relatable this next one you guys are going to like

that was for Comparison's Jake Oh my god Stop oh my god stop we're just covering his camera not the screen welcome to founder or mike have you guys ever played founder or mike no all right you stripped you stripped during that you know i'm gonna bring us to a stop here amir covered his fucking camera slash laptop screen and now it's blurry it's a little bit taking away from the show and i'm

wondering too i feel like i haven't gotten any positive feedback from you guys this episode at least the other one was like yeah it was really hard there was harsher criticism but also more positivity this has been a completely average show you showed no signs of growth whatsoever you gotta be shitting me with that I did the better mix damn Daniel

I literally built the fucking for comparisons jake segment with the idea that you guys would have a lot to say it's not my fault that you didn't show up you named like four people we didn't even know yeah why do you think we would have a lot to say patrick sale you thought we'd have a lot to say about my similarities to zona gale he also started with talking about howard stern and his sibian. So I feel like there was no way at the very beginning that we would have lots to talk about. What kind of conversation did you want to foster when you were asking if I'd introduced anal play

into my sex life with three or four of my coworkers? Here's the thing, right? And this is actually going to bring it back to your guys' podcast. So like, you'll want to talk about it a little bit more because you're both to a certain degree narcissistic i think that there's a time i was on if i were you a couple years ago and uh this was around the time you started that unsolicited advice segment and uh my unsolicited advice was basically a premonition that the 2020s the whole decade would be the next roaring 20s and i thought this with no, there was, I wasn't basing that off anything. What has happened over the last calendar year is people DMing me, tweeting at me, commenting on shit, sending me the episode being like,

you couldn't have been more wrong. 2020 has been the opposite of the roaring twenties. Everybody's inside, et cetera. But it's only further cemented that the 2020s is going to be the next roaring 20s right because the spanish flu launched the roaring 20s there is no grace gatsby without the fucking flu and uh there is no i don't know whatever pivotal work is going to come out of the 19 or the 2020s without covid and so i think what we all have to understand is that everything is interconnected the four of us are all part of a collective spirit so when amir when you're rude to me you're rude to you does that make sense no you called us narcissists and then went on like a two-minute tirade fucking correcting people for dming you for something that you said in 2019

or something that's a that's narcissism man that's a good note that's actually a really good fucking note all right this game you guys are gonna like i modeled this one after jesse or paul i mean we actually missed one of our favorite games so far which was jesse or paul mccartney edition where i would say a quote and they had to attribute it to which mccartney jesse or paul this is founder or mike and so it's mcdonald's edition basically i'm gonna say a quote and you guys have to attribute it to either the founder himself ray crock the guy who worked with the mcdonald's brothers to globalize the restaurant yeah steal the restaurant take it on the road and away which is musical which is why it relates

to Michael McDonald front man of the Doobie Brothers background singer for Steely Dan solo artist etc he's the one that's like

they came from somewhere back in the long that one yeah for sure she had a nice fucking say

let's let's go we're not interrupting we're not fucking getting into the way just start the game you will not you know what stop no no stopping we have to power through. Two episodes ago, I said, you made a Steely Dan joke and got mad at everyone for not laughing. And I was like, hey, Jeff, this is because you keep making references that are so specific to you. And of course, of course, you brought it back. Of course, the segment that you think we're going to like all based on the fact that you just started listening to Steely Dan this year. It has nothing to do with Steely Dan.

That was a Steely Dan aside. Yeah. That we criticized you for because you got mad no one laughed. We said it wasn't relatable. You said you were going to work on your relatability. You show up this week with a Steely Dan segment. No, it's not. It's a Michael McDonald segment.

He just sang backup on one Steely dan album is all founder or mike i'm gonna say the quote you say whether it comes from the founder of mcdonald's or michael mcdonald ready this is the new game that isn't like the old game because we used to get mad at the old game for being complete gibberish i want to play and now we're okay you know i feel like we should do some kind of like exercise to get us out of this anger. So, have you guys ever done crazy eights? It's where you go 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8.

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8. And then 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8. I feel so bad for like Jake and Marika because like this is how their weekend starts. Like for me, it's two. So, like I still have a few hours to like decompress and like sort of chill before five. For them, it's like it's over and now it's like now i have to have dinner soon with this in me like that i also have to do more

work yeah founder or mike when i get in a bad mood about anything i realize hey i'm still working it could be a lot worse michael mcdonald yeah michael mcdonald that's correct i also should have said that every right answer is ten dollars to you. Every wrong answer is $10 owed to me. So that's $10 to Jake and Marika. Here we go. There are things. Founder or Mike. What's the connection? Because it's Ray Kroc or Mike McDonald because it's McDonald's. The founder of McDonald's or Michael McDonald. This is such an insane reach. How did you get to the end of the idea well all right go on there are things money can't buy and hard work can't win one of them is happiness ray kroc yeah founder that's correct that's twenty dollars to marika twenty dollars to jake i guess amir is a sensible gambler because

he hasn't even tried all right creativity is the highfalutin word for the work i just have to do between now and tuesday michael mcdonald that's you're at ten dollars now because that was the founder yeah that's actually absolutely correct jake so here we go there you go three dollars to jake ten dollars to marika and he was breaking even here we go i don't know that we ever overcome doubt we just have to remember that it's more likely a poodle in the bushes not a grease and not a grizzly bear croc michael mcdonald so that's wrong to jake correct marika amir again hasn't even tried we're looking at twenty dollars each zero dollars for amir here we go the procurement element of how many are there how many are we going through right here?

We're about halfway through. One more? Halfway. So about five more? Four. Nice. The procurement element of the scorecard will, in effect, promote the support of manufacturing in South Africa.

Croc. Croc. That's Michael McDonald, the singer. Wow. Talking about what what he was talking about voting rights and access and racism this was in 2006 so kind of on the twilight of his career jake and ricky you're at ten dollars amir you owe me nothing but i owe you nothing and that's also kind of like a metaphor yeah you do owe me nothing yeah yeah you do owe me a platform though i will say that it's like you've invested this many years into my career i don't think that i'm actually wondering if you make a call to streeter and i can submit for weekend update

as far as i'm concerned you're gone you're done man you're fucking done at this episode it's done i think so i think this is the end this i think it's over for you unbelievable i have three more to get through and it's gonna be so much sadder knowing that. Here we go. It's cool. Last segment was Founder or Mike. What a note to go out on. I'm sorry. I'm just trying to choke back the tears. Two. This is kind of funny.

It's ironic at this point. The two most important requirements for me. Speak up a little bit. I can't hear. Yeah. Sorry. I can't play Founder or Mike if I can't hear the quote. That's all.

It's ironic at this point because this has become a major failure. Is this the quote? Nope. Founder. Oh, okay. Sorry. I thought, let's just play the game. it's ironic at this point because like this has become a major failure is this the quote founder oh okay sorry I thought let's just play the game the two most important requirements for major success are first being in the right place at the right time and second doing something about it and then that's ironic because I'm like

a failure at this point it's gotta be crock that's correct it's the founder crock here you go we love you little rock that's true alright $30 $40 at this point Founder Croc. Here you go. We love you, Little Rock. Michael McDonald. That's true. All right. $30. $40.

$40 at this point. All right. As long as you're green, you're growing. As soon as you're ripe, you start to rot. Croc. Croc. $50 each. Nice. It's a fun game.

We lost. Yeah. yeah he's done it's over the spell is over his reign is over that's it right that's the show i think so good stuff good stuff hey that's a fucking camera wrap on Jeff. That's it. Fuck yeah. Congratulations to everybody that's heard the show. It fucking looks like we made it. Look how far we've come, my baby. Yes.

It's the fucking grand finale. And dude, thank you so much. We couldn't have done it without you. I look forward to seeing who takes the fucking mantle who takes the reign you've done such a good job up until now nah nah nah nah

nah nah nah nah hey hey hey hey Jeff's dead or to the show basically not actually hit us with the the old outro let's hear it one last time because yeah one final thing fired what about review review what's that plugs plugs yeah i'm on

twitter blumenfeld and then marika alon it's marika on twitter weekend plans i might watch bad trip i heard it's good i heard it's really funny yeah i'm excited i'm really excited actually for the first time in a while i'm like you're gleeful you're positively giddy right i'm glowing and i i never say that about myself i feel optimistic and i don't know if it's getting shots in arms or the fact that we finally finish this pandemic this disease is nearly covid 19 is not over we have so many more months about covid talking about a much bigger cancer oh my god you're a tumor good night everyone that's actually enough

holy shit four weeks being told everything I do wrong no credit given listeners up cash is coming in sponsors after sponsors better help wants to help.

And I'm getting better. You have love in your life. You have Avital. Jake has Jill. Marika has a roommate, a really close friend of hers that cares to live with her. I live in a basement. Guess what? There is a bedroom upstairs.

My roommates made me live in the basement. So if I could have 45 minutes of your guys' time once a week right I think you'll throw me that bone if you give a shit at all

you said I was a cancer you said I was a disease I didn't realize we were monetizing the show what was that i didn't realize we were making um you miss like jeff's making money on the breakdown everything is you miss we're not paying jeff so like what's break even zero dollars an episode the fact that we're bringing in any money is probably reason enough to keep the trains going and i think i spoke too soon and if jeff wants to he can keep doing it i guess let's do this amir you yelled at me i yelled at you let's

call it even steven seagal as you would say i actually just saw your guys's web series it's kind of funny um yeah whatever gets us to the end i guess that's it right let's we're only about halfway through this episode but let's shake on it no fucking way oh what have we've come to the end that's the audit four weeks let's do the final the final final stop stop i think this show is better than ever i think i have become a better man a better person a better host a better man, a better person, a better host, a better Jost. I'm wondering if Amir, you and Ash ever need a third? I'm your guy.

You know that. Jake, you and Jill ever need a third? I'm your guy. You know that. Marika, we can try and figure something out in terms of like your roommate, me. No. For sure. You guys are giving me nothing.

There's this like weird tension in the air. I'm trying to wrap it up no weird tension you're doing is propose having a fucking threesome with all of us weird tension in the air you're worried it's our fault is it something we did really i'm seeing smiles you fucking wanted you ended this audit by proposition yeah you said you did this final stop for us to recap and then you immediately went on a thing about threesomes. Menages. Yeah.

Jake, what are you hoping for in the future of the show? And is this a formal renewal? God, you're so desperate. I almost feel like that's the move is to like act like nothing happened. To not learn anything from the process? No, I'm going to take the lessons forward, but the format of the show stays the same for sure. You mentioned I don't get paid. I'm wondering if I get paid for sure.

I'm wondering, and to basically solidify that I'm doing just fine and that the show can continue on if it makes cash. And I'm going to say I'm sorry. I'm sorry that my behavior led you to scream at me in front of the entire company and is there anything you want to say to me i accept your apology let's fucking end this show already and it's over feeling oh my god apologetic you know apoplectic the second one say sorry right i'm trying to fucking reconcile he's so checked out he is so checked out right

now every single time you've asked him a question it's been a one word fucking brush you off response because he keeps on expecting you to end the show that's what's going on you're not gonna get the breakthrough you're holding him hostage sorry you really mean that he left this went better than i could have fucking hoped That was a Hidgum Original.