The Headgum Podcast - 47: The HeadgOscars (w/ Billy Scafuri!)

Episode Date: April 23, 2021

The 1st annual Headcademy Gumwards. Geoff hosts podcasting's biggest night alongside HeadgOscar nominees Billy Scafuri and Amir Blumenfeld, as well as Marika. Stay tuned for halfway through the episode for an ET-style awards after show! Or don't. Advertise on The Headgum Podcast via Gumball.fmRate The Headgum Podcast 5-stars on Apple Podcasts.Join the Headgum Discord.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Original. Previously on the HeadGum Podcast. The state of our union is strong, and under my leadership and guidance, we will propel this LLC, no, this incorporated corporation into the next half decade with vim and vigor vigor and jake i think you're fired for even talking before me i was just applauding you i thought that was really good i was rehired then rehired rehired i'll fire marty or some shit i don't know if i want to work here if that's the fucking attitude i think i don't want to alienate you already did yeah because then i'm worried that we won't be as cohesive in the with vim and vigor why you keep saying vigor how is it vigor i'm saying i what is vim vim is like to do

something vigorously i don't think so then it's then it's uh it's redundant. Vocab check, what's vim? I have no idea. To be fair, I thought he was going to say vimeo. With vimeo and vigor. That's vim and rigor. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the first annual Head Academy Gum Awards. It's the Head Goscars. There's podcast audio. There's lackluster.

There's why won't you date me? There's all fantasy. There's not. There's not everything. If I were you, review, review, no joke And then there's the best show of them all The HeadGum Podcast It won all the awards last year

And there wasn't a show There wasn't the podcast yet That came in March Have you ever had alms before? Dinner, then breakfast The next day. I'm talking leftovers from alms be. Oh, podcasting's most important night, Blumenfeld.

We've got nominations across several categories. We've got nominations across several scategories. Have you guys ever lost a bet that you put all your money into? Yes or no? Just nod your head. Yes or no? Is this part of the song? What's that?

Is this like the bridge to the song? I did not know it was going to be this long. I couldn't even hear you. Just give me a fucking second, right? Mmm. This is beyond fucked. Not only that it went this long and I didn't have the lyrics

I can't hear you you guys didn't react the way I thought you would no the song is the song head catamy gum the Oscars like intro music does not go on for this long turns out that question was part of the song

it was the bridge Oscars right welcome to the first annual didn't we do this one Gosskers! Gosskers! Gosskers! Right? Welcome to the first annual... Didn't we do this one before? We did the head gummies! We did the head gummies award! This is the head Gosskers! And it rolls off the tongue.

Are you in a ponytail? Turn around, I want to see what's going on. Oh my god. Oh Jesus, that's the worst. That's the worst reveal I've ever seen of someone twisting their head. It looks like that alien from that movie that jumps out of that person's stomach. It looks like it's crawling out of the back of your head right now. This is fun.

That was jarring. This is fun. The thing about the Head Gosker Awards is that it's podcasting's biggest night all right um not the iheart media awards streamies there's like podcast award shows is the head gosker is a movie thing or a podcast thing good question like good question yeah you have to dedicate it to a theme because the head gummies wasn't tv it was like about the emmys it was about the head gum no it was not it was not about the head goskers well about the headgum no it was not it was not about the headgum well today's the headgum today's podcast so does it have to do with movies

headgum awards is it podcast is it a headgum podcast award show we should we're aware that you think that it's podcast's biggest night we're aware we should say that the show is back and better than ever after a four-week audit, Billy. Yes. Amir blew up at me at a company-wide meeting five weeks ago, and I was audited. I'm now the best person and host I've ever been. We're moving forward for the cash. I cannot stress enough to you that the only reason that Amir is letting me do the show going forward is that it makes money.

I don't get any of the ad money from this show. I'm just paid hourly to host it. So the issue might have to be that it's for money but the content is the same i am not following at all what you're talking about neither i am on another podcast right now all right uh listen it's the head gum wait so what was the question that's what is it about movies or about podcasts what's the award show it's podcast through the lens of the Academy Awards. So it's the Head Academy Gum Awards. Some of you will be going home with a head gosker.

Others will go home as before, as sullen, sunken-eyed losers with nothing to show for themselves and nothing to look forward to. Exciting. Sounds great. look forward to exciting great you know so Kevin Kevin Hart was fired last year from hosting the Oscars for some offensive tweets which is good news for

me because as your host this year I have a squeaky record yeah you mostly been tweeting about dogecoin and Andy it's not squeaky clean so much as it is just hard on the ears squeaky. So nobody bothers to check it. Yeah. I see. We've got some medium sized podcasters here tonight.

Marika Brownlee is here, which sucks for audio. Amir Blumenfeld, or as he's known to his managers, a courtesy client. What's the courtesy? Keeping you on the roster so that you can say, oh yeah, I'm at Three Arts or whatever. I'm repped by Gerky. I don't have a manager, by the way. Yeah, well, okay, so they did pull the plug. Joke's on you.

Joke's on you. Joke's on you because you don't have literary representation, right? Yeah, I guess. Billy Scafuri is here, which is good news for us because it's not every day you get a staff writer of Top Gear America in the room with you. Wow. No, it is not. No, it is not. Marika Brownlee is here, which sucks for audio you already said it

really you already said that so last time you surprised us with the head gummies no one saw it coming and you ripped off um a robe and you were wearing a tuxedo this time you're out the gate you made it very clear this is the head gosgers but no one has any idea what to expect that i guess mostly the head gosgers head gosgers gos gos gos gos no one sings over the oscar have you ever seen someone sing angry because i just did jeff is he didn't move, but he just sang, Ed Gaskers. I'm sorry, I just wanted to get the...

I'm making musicals. I wanted to get that pickup, that ADR, because I feel like I didn't do the outro of the song right the first go around. You can do that after the podcast. 2020 was a big year for podcasting, Billy. We saw not only a pandemic of epic proportions, 500,000 Americans lost to what is essentially a respiratory disease that becomes more and more viral as the months go on.

And at this point, it's sort of a race between getting enough people inoculated and, you know, these new variants that keep popping up. We're starting to see actual double mutant variants where more than one strain is entering a host and basically forming an entirely new monster that scientists can't quite keep up with. And yes, you have Moderna's CEO saying, hey, by the fall, we might get that booster shot, which would protect against different variants because you're talking about just subbing in the new rna sequence from these variants these you know there's the ones that originated first in south africa you have now the dominant strain which i believe is b117 in the united states coming in from uh jolly old england uh but it's it's not much of a joke it's pretty scary actually yeah it is pretty scary, actually. Yeah. It is pretty scary. What the fuck are you talking about? Definitely a big year for podcasts, like you said. Yeah, what does that have to do with podcasting? Because people stayed home and they needed audio for their ears.

You don't want to constantly be staring at a screen when you could be just listening to someone scream. The issue... Okay. What's that? I said, mm-hmm, and okay. 2020 saw Amir Blumenfeld lose even more clout in the podcasting industry. We're talking hemorrhaging money at the network.

What? What's that? I didn't say that. That's not true. Billy Scafiri won an Emmy, which wasn't much of a surprise. And Marika Brownlee... In 2020? It was 2019.

This would have been 2019. Might have been 2018. You don't have to look it up. Billy's telling you he's the sort. Mercury Brownlee played a sax. Yes. But perhaps the most important part of 2020 and the podcasting industry, Hollywood at large, was me. You? What's that?'s that you yeah is that what you're saying because before 2020 and this is what i want marika to kind of understand is that i only toyed with the idea

of audio of what of audio just audio you toyed with the idea of audio what does that even look like like one day i'm going to hit record on a device guesting on shows i i'd been on just uh no joke just a tip if i were you but 2020 is where i really came into my own and i think that the whole landscape changed the tectonic plates shifted and now we're due for an earthquake any moment now and the earthquake might have to be me winning a head gummy. Sorry. Scratch that. A gosker. What part of the Oscars is this? This is the monologue.

The call and response portion of the evening. You can't even keep up with the name of the show. You're forgetting it. Mid-show. It's the head goskers, right? The Oscars don't have a call and response segment in their show and you also didn't have a call and response segment in their show. And you also didn't do a call and response segment with us.

Let me hear you say Gossker. Gossker. Head Academy. This doesn't happen. Gum Ward. It's Gossker. It's going to be four hours. I've got to remind you guys that he has like a beak coming out of the back of his head right now.

It's not quite a ponytail. It's like an ice cream cone. It's like an ice cream cone, which is coming out of the back of his head right now it's not quite a ponytail it's like an ice cream cone it's like an ice cream cone which is jammed to the back of his head yeah this is fun this is a lot of uh camaraderie and industry folk mingling in the audience it's like people if they're watching at home uh they get to see their favorite pod celebrities pod leberties and uh it's it's interesting it's something i didn't quite take into account when i was outlining okay okay yeah let the show begin yeah no let's let's figure this out figure it out that's what your whole week should have been how are you figuring it out now 11 minutes into the award show what should happen well yeah so there's even more of a ticking clock slash time bomb marika as someone who works on the other side of things and we'll cut this out ferris uh what have

you seen in the past year that's made you optimistic or not about the future of the head goskers in terms of our ability as HeadGum to take home the most awards? You know, I thought this question was going somewhere and then I was pretty blindsided. But I think it's still unclear to me how we're taking home these awards and what they are. So I really don't feel like I can evaluate our strengths and how that will lend us to getting awards that we're being given by ourselves.

Let me answer your question with the first category. I can't hear you. The first category is best podcast episode. The nominees, if I were you, episode 421, Thick Chicken. It's just, yeah, all we hear is the song. So do the thing and then the award and then the song. All right, here we go. These are the same as the head guns, by the way.

Can you hear me over the music now? Yeah. Yes. Okay, and then we'll edit this together seamlessly. Okay. The nominees for best podcast episode are If I Were You, episode 421, Thick Chicken. No Joke, episode 76, Table Read. High and and mighty episode 279 cozy hey riddle riddle

episode 105 milk store these are all episodes episode 29 nba draft live and just a tip forbidden friendship so these are all your episodes that you've guessed it on throughout the years yeah it's not in the last year some Some of those are from like three or four years ago. Yeah, the one you listed from No Joke was five years ago. Yeah, that's 160 episodes ago. So that's like a good three and a half, four years. What's the timeline for the Headgum Oscars? Usually it's like a calendar year.

The timeline is we've never done one before. So it's everything up until now in the history of Headgum. So what about the Headgummies? Does that include to be like a cutoff point or that's just we're just throwing that entire award show sometimes i feel like i give you too much credit for like knowing how hollywood works amir like yeah there are things that win golden globes and oscars there's also two different fucking academies for the tv and the movies right yeah yeah but these are all for yeah yeah these are all these are all for podcasts these are all for podcasts and it's the same it's the same it's the same

is the head gum foreign press association the head academy is the fucking people who vote on the gum wards. On the Gosskers. Who won the best episode? The winner goes to, or sorry, the head Gossker goes to. High and Mighty, episode 279, cozy. Who are the guests on that? I was the guest, so I guess I'll give a little speech. You guess you will.

You were the guest. Like, I blindsided you. You were the guest for all of those. I don't know what else to say. I mean, I obviously loved listening to High and Mighty, you know, growing up. And this was an honor to me. And this feels right to be the fact that i not only guessed it on this show but won the gosker it's just like where do i go from here i'm almost wondering well doesn't

gabrus get it why do you get it it's his podcast that's true uh Congratulations to Gabrus then. So you built that whole category and the nominees to give yourself an award but still didn't win it. Yeah, it was best podcast episode, not best guest on a podcast. That's true. The episode is owned by Gabrus.

Yeah. Gabrus won the award. Way to go, Johnny. Happy for you, bud. Happy for you, man. Thrilling. It's kind of like when uh the producers are awarded the best picture an oscar sorry this would be the editor or the assembler the up the uploader not the guest no i'm saying that when movies at the oscars win best picture that award goes to the producers it doesn't go to the direct

you're not the producer of high and mighty though though. So, if anything, congrats, Emma, or whoever edited the Sash producer episode. Congratulations, Emma. All right. This is already going poorly to me. The nominees for Best Host are...

And these should be pretty obvious because these are some of our biggest shows This was literally a Head Gummy award. This was literally a Head Gummy award. I won it I won it for Bucket Best fucking picture at the Golden Globes and at the Oscars. You guys don't understand Hollywood

The Head Gummies were the Emmys They weren't the Golden Globes also Now I have to start the whole song over No you don't. The nominees for best hosts are... And then you have to kind of wait for that part of the song. Nicole Byer and Lauren Lapkus.

The tentpole hosts of one of our biggest properties. Newcomers. Nick Weiger and Mike Mitchell, hosts of the Doughboys show. Which is also, I think, our second biggest show. And... You don't think, our second biggest show. You don't know anything? Well, me.

Jeffrey James, host of the HeadGum podcast, because it's sort of the titular show. Not a lot of nominees this year. Not a lot of nominees. It's one of those years where it's like there were clear frontrunners, and the headcademy didn't want to give pity noms. We could have given nods to Ian Carmel and the All academy didn't want to give pity noms. You know, we could have given nods to Ian Carmel and the All Fantasy Everything team.

We could have given nods to the NADPUD roster. But why? You know, it's like it makes the nomination more important. Shall we open the envelope? Sure. Sure. Yeah. And the Gosker goes to

nicole byer and lauren lapkus newcomers happy for him i am i am genuinely happy for them do you guys need like a potty break you guys seem antsy and mad so i don't really understand i'm on edge you put me on edge i'm put me on edge. I'm curious what the next awards will be. I'm having audio problems. By the way, that's like pretty par for the course. Jeff is constantly sort of infecting various guests in the episodes with different audio problems themselves and it's almost like he's contagious or something.

I've soured tech, that's true i um i actually had to get a typewriter you're a virus yeah computer virus and kind of patient zero to the next end you're a variant of sorts yeah all right so jeff question yeah you seemed so pissed when i said your name there you just like shook me off. I just have a question. Yeah. Are the Head Gossikers based in Ohio or California? Are you asking where I am currently? Well, that's where the awards are, I assume.

There's a room. I don't know what room that state is in. It's in a state of disarray, but it is in Los Angeles County. Hey, welcome home, buddy. Thank you. Thank you. Should we move on to best supporting host? Yes. Let's do it.

The nominees for best supporting host are Amir Blumenfeld, If I Were You, Amir Blumenfeld, The HeadGum Podcast, and Amir Blumenfeld, Buckets. Why supporting host? What's that? Why supporting host? Oh, so supporting host oh so yeah i should i should clarify like on this show i'm just a guest sometimes and on if i were you and buckets i'm one of the hosts i'm not like a supporting like almost like an assistant to the host i don't know what to say i mean sometimes it's like it's like where do you draw the line where someone is the main, the lead, you know, the draw, the reason why someone listens to a show. And how do you figure out when they're more supporting, you know, playing a team role playing. So for if I were you, Jake and I started together, we co-host every episode together. There's been some episodes where he's not on and I am. I know. But there's never been an episode without me. But it sort of feels like when James Corden is

sick and there has to be a celebrity fill-in. You know what I mean? If I were you it's always been Jake's IP to be sure. Even if you own part... What's that? Your cadence is intellectual but what you're saying is wrong. So you look and

if I didn't know English would think you were saying smart things yes but because i know what you're talking about it's none of it none of it is true who did come up with the if i were you title though who did come up with if i were you i think jake did you know that's the nail i'll nail in the coffin in a way i think that uh just give the fucking award out i'll take it what is it for which one well you don't know if you're gonna win it Jeff are you the supporting host on review review no

I'm glad you asked review review has always been egalitarian it's been a 50 50 split from a financial standpoint but also from like same as if I were you well same exact thing not necessarily let's see who wins let's see who wins okay here we go and the gosker goes to Amir Blumenfeld buckets Let's see who wins. Let's see who wins. Okay, here we go. And the Gossiker goes to...

Amir Blumenfeld. Buckets. Nice. Wow. Hell yeah. Congrats, Amir. Congratulations, Amir. You're going home with a Gossiker.

Thank you. That's the second award for Buckets. I think Billy won last year. That was the head gummies. Amir, speech? It's an honor. You know, it's fun to talk about basketball with Billy and our friends. And you know,

it's cool that it's time. Sorry. You're being appreciated. That's what I was going to say, but ran out of time, I guess three seconds. You've had like 10 times that amount of time to talk about COVID. I feel like the, the order of events that are happening,

if I can bring it back to the actual Oscars, is that an award is given and then we immediately almost go to like the backstage conversation, the commentary. And then the speech is happening after that. So like someone's walking back on stage for three seconds to give a speech. It's like the red carpet is infiltrating the show itself or something. Yeah.

Jeff is applying eye drops for his chronic dry eye. So what do you want to hear then? I just like, I was going to let you guys figure it out because clearly you're the producers of the head Goscars now. You want to have some kind of press conference? I was just making commentary. Just color commentary on the event.

Do you want to be a co-host, Marika? Is that what you're asking? Of the head Gosskers ceremony? I don't. Because I don't know how it's going. I think that's what I'm trying to make clear. It's hard to understand with my knowledge of the Oscars how this event works. So I'm just like

I'm kind of almost the audience plant here. Like I'm their way into understanding. All right, here we go. The nominees for best original podcast idea are Dead Eyes, Keeping Records, Doughboys, and All Fantasy Everything. Who do we think it is should we

place bets on this one people usually do like an article no place bets you cannot play you cannot host and place bets you're the only you're the entire committee yeah you know exactly up at 20 on dead eyes whoa all right i'll take the field. And the Gosker goes to Dead Eyes. Yes. Nice. Yes, I will accept on behalf of Dead Eyes, if you don't mind. Yes, speech, speech, speech. Great podcast.

Haven't caught an episode yet. Great idea. Great idea. And that's what the category is. Original. Yeah, best original. Very original. Best original.

Great idea. This is best original idea. category is. Original. Yeah. Very original. Great idea. This is best original idea. Very original. Okay. Okay. And the nominees for best adapted podcast idea. So these are ideas basically ripped off from other shit. If I were you, an advice podcast, Buckets, a show about basketball at large slash

nauseam and no joke the least topical podcast self admittedly good one at large slash nauseam and the gosker goes to

no joke yes the least topical Gossker goes to No Joke. Yes. The least topical podcast on the internet. Great. Speech. So what did that one rip off? Speech.

You said it was unoriginal. Speech. So what was that based on then? If it's so un... Daniel! No Joke is sort of based off of What the Fuck with Marc Maron because you kind of get into it.

The hell? What's that? The hell? Was that Daddy Chill? Did they say Daddy Chill after Damn Dead? Daddy Chill. Who's saying Daddy Chill? I feel like No Joke is kind of this

interesting hybrid between WTF and honestly... There you go again. Like pontificating about you don't deserve to talk in that way i've learned intonations yeah and that's part of audio yeah um speech no you know what you're like you're like have you ever walked down like uh in like a natural river or stream and oh my god the bottom is very like algae and mossy and like you keep slipping and stuff and you're like oh god what is this like slimy substance

it's really good yeah you're algae at the bottom of like a natural pool that's actually a good name maybe it's a new name for me and bad bad to the touch hi i'm out nobody likes everyone has to warn people about you. You are an Algy man. Ali G. Should we move on or speech from the No Joke winner? Oh, yeah, speech. Big thanks to the committee and to all the other podcasts that were nominated.

Sure. Daddy chill. Damn Daniel. Daddy chill. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. You know, if you had an extra hour in your day, a lot of people would spend that very differently than the one sitting next to them. Maybe person A would go for a run, person B would take a nap, and patient zero would read a book. The point is, a lot of us spend our time and our lives wishing we had more hours in the day.

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just one scoop and a cup of water mixed around every day, no exceptions. And it helps me feel, you know, energized, focused, ready to take on the day. Like I'm doing one powerfully healthy habit that's also powerfully simple. I know that AG1 gives my body high quality nutrition because every batch goes through a rigorous testing process so that you know it's safe. And their ingredients are sourced for potency, absorption, and nutrient density, all of which is very important and you don't always get with other leading nutrition brands.

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Try AG1 and get a free one-year supply of vitamin D3K2 and five free AG1 travel packs with your first purchase exclusively at drinkag1.com slash what's that? Again, that's drinkag1.com slash what's that? Check it out. And the nominees for best documentary short story arc are the Golden Mike slash turdy awards if I were you

the copyright infringement tiff with the music industry no joke Lakers free agency buckets and the audit the head gum podcast this one's actually an audience choice award so I guess you guys

just so I can figure it out we're the audience we vote um i like the the music industry tiff's pretty funny no joke for spotify we could do that yeah we could do that do that i almost wonder if the audit might kind of want to three home yeah because so one for the audit and three for no joke it seems like it's well we haven't nearly unanimous um this whole thing is a filibuster al g damn daniel um all right yeah the gosker goes to no joke copyright infringement music industry cease and desist, that whole thing. Speech. I just want to thank all of the artists that we've played on the podcast that have gotten us into all of this trouble with the legal team at Spotify.

I'm waiting to be interrupted any minute now by a loud orchestra in three, two, one. He's almost too pissed to do anything. Some awards are more important than others, one. He's almost too pissed to do anything. Some awards are more important than others, Billy. So you have to give the documentary category some more time to talk because there's usually a social cause behind it. I feel like normally that's not even on the broadcast. All right. So yeah, I can tell the story behind it real quick. Yeah, let's hear it.

All right. Yeah. So No Joke has been playing music on our podcast illegally for years now. And it's finally caught up to us. And lawyers are coming at us willy-nilly left and right. We are buried under legal papers. People want to tear our podcast down to the ground. And we fought back valiantly.

And we're going to win this war, folks. And that is the subcategory and the subplot of why we won this year's Gosskers. That's a greatars. Great story. It's pretty good. The nominees for Best Visual Effects are... Small pool to choose from because there aren't a lot of shows that have visual effects. But the nominee is the HeadGum Podcast and the Gummy... Sorry, the Gosker. Now you got me saying it. Goes to a HeadGum Podcast and the Gummy, sorry the Gossker, now you got me saying it, goes to

the HeadGum Podcast What's the, what were the visual effects? It's interesting and I'm glad you asked actually so this Gossker does go to me because what I'll often do is basically the workflow is

I do the assembly cut of these shows. I send it to Ferris, Manshi ideally, but if there's another one in the room, Ana or otherwise, we can send it to them. And then I go into After Effects, or sorry, I do the assembly cut,

send it to Ferris. As Ferris is mixing, mastering, et cetera, adding the sax in, all that that stuff making it really sound great um i'm basically creating some kind of visualizer i'm an after effects and i'm like doing some kind of desktop screensaver that matches the uh the audio and so it'll sometimes be like... You cut us off after like two seconds and now you're fucking waxing for over a minute. Desktop screensavers.

Also, we've never seen these. I'm interested in seeing this because it's the first I've heard of it. The issue is that I don't have a lot of RAM and every time I'm like so close to fucking finishing it and my computer crashes. No autosave. That's the virus that we were talking about earlier.

All right. Jeff. Yeah. Jeff, you know, you could just like buy yourself a trophy. Like there are trophy stores. You could just buy yourself a trophy. This all feels like just like really long roads to try and get you to feel like a winner. Occasionally.

Have you guys ever bought a trophy for atrophy for what for atrophy like the body breaking down like this podcast breaking down because you guys are bringing enough to the table sort of a nice save but ultimately the question wasn't good he got excited because the word atrophy is a trophy just like no space between the a and the t and he just got really excited but it's not a double entendre it's just a single entendre it's a nothing sentence it's a zero sum words watch me squish these words the jeffrey james story the nominees for best podcast to be to hear B, Tahir. R, Cod Griddle Griddle. Every week, Adel Refai, APC, and Aaron Keefe

grill krill and just sort of wax. Mac Thruster Video. Less of a podcast, more of a home sex tape. This is a video of Mac McClung thrusting his hips into a mass reportory device. Jake the Nation. Follow host Jake Hurwitz as he attempts Oh, great. It's another show hosted by Amir and Billy. All Final Fantasy Everything, a podcast where the hosts are only allowed to talk about all things Square Enix.

Gilmore Security, guys. Hosts Demi Adjuibe and Kevin Porter discuss every single home equipped with a home security system by Gilmore Security. Punch up a ham. Listen as hosts... Stop! Shut the fuck up enough it wouldn't get on forever right we get it different words can be substituted for titles

and shows mashed together just fucking choose a winner and move on. Amir has to rush out of here to get his vaccine shot. And Jeffrey James is just saying, punch up a ham. Amir is staring at his watch. He needs to go. How many did you have? Because everyone had three, maybe four, and I think I heard like

ten. Three more if you want to hear them. Fine, lightning round. Go through them quick. Red eyes. Jeffrey James cries while talking about his chronic dry eye symptoms. Girls on corn. Hosts Laura and Rachel salaciously gab about ears. A normal feeling. Betsy and Marcy talk to guests about their experience without the paranormal.

And the Gossiker goes to Jake the Nation. That's great. That's who I wanted to win, to be honest. I feel like Jake could... What was the Mac McClung one? Oh, sorry. The one with his hips? Some sort of.

Yeah. What was that one? Next time, listen, but I'll say it just this once. It's Mac Thruster video, so it's less of a podcast, more of a home sex tape. It's actually a video of Mac McClung thrusting his hips into a fleshlight. He's a college basketball player. And it's deeply inappropriate for Jeffrey to be talking about this right now. He's a kid.

He's 21. No, he's not. He's not. You said that confidently like you say everything else. But there was nothing behind it. I think Jake the Nation could be actually pretty interesting. It would almost be like a Anthony Bourdain style travel show where Jake travels to different countries, talks to diplomats, tries the food and tries to concoct his own country and become it. Yeah. Sign me up.

We have one last category. Are you ready? Yes. Sign me up. We have one last category. Can't wait. Are you ready? Yes. And the nominee for best podcast on the HeadGum Network. Whoa.

The big one. The nominee is, thereby also the winner, is Why Won't You Date Me with Nicole freaking Byer. I mean mean I think we all knew that it was gonna be this one the funniest show on the network the best she left what's that that show

went to team Coco Nicole's still a host on HeadGum with newcomers but that show specifically like she can still win this is for up to 2020 right oh technically we could take this award nice yeah because it's like she was on the network up until 2021 that's true so i really know jeff's making a confused face but it's unclear what he's confused

about you're such a handsome guy he can make some of the ugliest faces he's starting to pontificate again he thinks when he thinks it gets ugly here we go i just feel like there's no loyalty anymore like lebron changes teams willy-nilly not really really. Well, everyone went to the Nets. He didn't. I just feel like now everybody's going to fucking Team Coco. So I don't know who the hero and the villain is in any story. I guess we're all a little bit of both. Duality of man, I'm sure.

Yeah, sort of. This has been the first annual Headcademy Go Awards! Thank you to our sponsors, BetterHelp, Honey. This isn't of the Headgoskers. This is just the sponsors of the show. I just can't thank them enough for the support of this show, specifically, except for Thought. Everyone's staring at me.

I've made $4,500 off of Dogecoin in the past 72 hours. And I don't know what I'm going to spend it on. Give me fucking nothing. All right, here we go welcome to dozer those i was honestly i was so excited i thought this was gonna be like an e after oscars yeah you that whole award show was just a segment and now you're just, we're shifting as if that entire thing didn't happen. That was just like one game of a longer episode. No, Doja Doze is an E-style entertainment after party. Unbelievable. Welcome to E. Now we can

kind of, you know, unbutton your top button for a second, relax, have a scotch. None of us are wearing ties. What did we think about everyone's outfits at the H gosker awards frankly i think everyone was looking a little schlubby other than jeff yeah sure i'll give you that you prepared you um you're wearing a tie and a full suit you knew it was coming we had no idea we're all just wearing shirts yeah that's true i just maybe the heads up would have

been enough for you guys to dress up i wouldn wouldn't have anyways. It's almost a round table. What do we think about the awards? Were there any snubs of nominations or wins? Did Jeff get robbed by Billy on more than one occasion? I think a highlight was Billy winning multiple awards. That was great. We really enjoyed that. Thank you. It was nice to see.

I just wish that it didn't have to be. Not a surprise by any means, but it's nice to see that people are giving the awards to the right people for sure. Thank you, Marika. It's nice that you got the awards. I just wonder if maybe it would have been better if it wasn't at others' expense.

That's how award ceremonies work. Yeah. Which it's really clear that you don't quite understand that, but I'll give it to you anyway. My note is I think there should have been a Strife Time Achievement Award. What's that? That's an understand that but i'll give it to you anyway my note is i think there should have been a strife time achievement award what's that that's an award that would go to marika for having to deal with nonsense all the time from me you could have done it yeah your notice to yourself um so yeah i know but what i'm saying is that it didn't happen so you

you i don't want you to think and i'd be actually remiss if you did that you are an award winner because the truth of the matter is there was no one of the upsets for sure was the lack of awards for me or even nominations like i think i could have been nominated and um and then just you know and this just consider this part of the entertainment tonight style after party but just for the sake of argument i wonder if we could do this game where it's like doge or those and it's like what are those but it's uh would you rather have x amount of doge coin or this other thing and that's the game and then it has to do with the head gosgers so it is a game you sort of you tried to sneak it in as like an after party but you want to change you keep saying the et after party because you heard me say it once there's no way

that that was in the plan. Doge or Doge. Would you rather have a thousand Doge? We should have called you out on that. Yeah, here we go. We're going straight into the game. It's on the rise, much like the brioche that I have in the oven upstairs. Would you rather have a thousand Doge coin or a pair of Jordan 1's Chicago colorway?

And then this is part of it. Jordan 1's Chicago. Everything, I'm not going to say Doge because I don't want fake money that's on the internet, I think. Okay. I'll take the shoes too, I guess. Yeah, for sure. Definitely the sneakers. For sure.

And then the 5,000 Doge or $5,000? $5,000 easily. $5,000. Yeah, Doge you said is worth what? Less than half a dollar. 33 cents when I checked last. So yeah, the 5,000 Doge would be $1,600, but it would be with the potential upside of millions. yeah doge you said it's worth what less than half a dollar 33 cents when i checked last so yeah the 5 000 does would be 1600 but it would be with the potential upside of millions yeah so i'll take the

5 000 and you know buy doge normally when it goes down i'll have more than 5 000 doge instantly i'll have 15 000 doge so your question is 5 000 or 15 000 15 000 more thank you next question sure 10 000 doge oh god when all you need is a knife or a three-day weekend vacation in lake tahoe in lake tahoe obviously that one would love to go on any vacation well i have both of these scheduled what do you have you have 10 000 doge scheduled to buy it when it hits a dollar. Why are you buying it when it costs more money? If you think it's going to hit a dollar, buy now.

I sunk all my money into the three-day vacation, so I have to wait for my next paycheck to put it into the Doge. 25,000 Doge or being verified on Twitter, which none of us are. Being verified on Twitter for sure, obviously. And let's just, let me take that.

I'll take the Doge. Yeah, at this point it's like $8,000. $8,000, yeah. I would take being verified because you can parlay that into different financially viable scenarios that it's like, would you rather have the milk or would you rather have the cow?

A hundred thousand. And remember, this is all like an ET style after party. So just get the energy out. No, it's not. this is all like an E.T. style after party. So just get the energy out. No, it's not. It is not an E.T. style. One of the things I think that we kind of all saw coming for the Head Gosskers was Jeff not winning any awards and then making us feel guilty about it. Yeah, rightfully so.

Yeah. OK, now it's an after party. A hundred thousand doge or the best head of your life? Jesus Christ. We can't talk about sexual shit on the podcast. It's incredibly... It's hypothetical. It's illegal, really.

It's not just inappropriate. It's more than that. Okay, a million doge or COVID to be gone today and keep in mind keep in mind keep in mind a million doge that's three hundred thousand dollars i'm gonna wipe out i'm gonna wipe out covid really because that'll save countless lives okay but think about it this way um um you would get the 300 000 in your bank account today, and COVID's going to end regardless. We're going to win the fight. Prove it.

Guarantee me right now that we're going to win the fight. Because Marjorie Taylor Greene told me to. She said, work out and you'll be fine. She's a QAnon conspiracy theorist. Sorry, a billion doge, or you never... Keep in mind, that's $3 million. More. $300 million.

For sure more. You never hear from me again 300 million obviously really of course so much money i'll pay to have you killed for half that wow i'm glad to know that the bounty would be 100 150 million dollars that means that i'm special right this has been an absolute head gosker of a time i don't know what else to say i mean this was i'm starving because i haven't eaten today and so much of that has to do with the fact that this was the head goskers and i had to fit into this i think the next goskers should have an in memoriam for a podcast that have left the network oh that's pretty good saying goodbye yeah i was gonna do

that i was gonna do that that's cool i was gonna do that he didn't okay the tiff still stands i lost track of time and wrote this whole episode in the 41 minutes before we recorded surprised it took that long it was gibberish a lot of it could have been nonsense scribbled in like 30 seconds or less i also had to change so what i am sick and tired of these episodes ending with the energy that's currently in the zoom it's you it's your energy i came in with such joy like i was so fucking on fire and part of this whole thing was to legitimize me as an award show host so much to the point that maybe i would host the streamies next and then the webbies and the Emmys back to the head Gosskers just for fun suddenly I have A-list celebrity friends maybe they host a show

maybe they wins a head Gossker I don't know this all ties back into the fact that we are all on the same team and we all have one common goal which is to make good audio and I think that's what we've done here today and we've celebrated the best of the best dream big man congrats no need to dream big because the reality is the dream and it's already big that's beautiful himself that's also good thank you what do we have going on what do you guys want to point the people to any projects you have shows potential future head gosker nominated or winning episodes billy let's start with you he's like that lorem ipsum typing that just like comes out of a screen where it's like if you don't look at it it looks like i'm sure those are words but if you focus

just enough you're like that doesn't make any sense oh that's a really good comparison um al g uh you could check out my head gummy and head gosker winning podcast no joke with adam lustick and listen to me and i'm Amir talk basketball on buckets. Thank you. Yeah, our podcast, of course, I think it's been nominated now twice for a Head Gosker and once for a Head Gummy. So you can listen to that and buckets and stuff.

Appreciate your time and your patronage. Keep up the good work, Marika and Billy. I think we all did good this episode. We all learned a lot. And our patience was tested, but we reached the end of this mental workout. And I think we're all stronger for it. Would you say we learned a lot or that we learned a gosk? Sorry, Billy was talking.

What did you say? Yeah, I was going to piggyback off of Amir for a second. I just wanted to acknowledge how great Marika is on this show. She is the reason I come back. Great. I listen to this show often. We know that the gimmick is that Jeff is going to try his hardest to get under our skin. She is she you cannot get in her way.

Marika is a stud and she is the reason I watch. And I compliment you, Marika, and your performance, whether you acknowledge yourself as a performer or not. You're very much my favorite performer on this show. Kudos. Billy, thank you so much. Really means a lot. And even though I was not nominated for any Head Gummy or Head Gossker, it feels like an award to me. So thank you.

It probably means more because it came from a real man and not this. You're a cork. You're a cork and not you're a cork you're a cork man you're a termite you're a nothing child you're cotton candy meaning dentists hate you that's good that's why you're like cotton cat because dentists hate you. Every dentist hates you. What? Yeah, I'm trying to imagine like Jeff at the dentist just like waxing about Steely Dan for like five minutes. They're trying to

clean his teeth. They under-Nova-canned me. And that's the time. Marika, any plugs? Follow me on Twitter. Instagram, Letterboxd at Marika, any plugs? Follow me on Twitter, Instagram, Letterboxd, at Marika Alon. Subscribe to the HeadGum newsletter,

which is a monthly little email blast that we're sending out that's pretty fun. You can do that on the HeadGum website, HeadGum.com. We didn't dox anybody, so I would be remiss if we didn't. We should say that the next HeadGum office might be at...

And we're not sure yet, but we do have an offer in. We'll see. Obviously cannot say any of that. Marty should not tell you this information ever. I told Marty. I was the one who made the offer. Don't do that. It's an offer if it's put in.

You don't have access to any paperwork. I don't know the financials exactly but i'm sure we'll make it work you buy a commercial building on accident thank you guys so much for coming to the first angel academy gum wards head academy gum wards beautiful run thank you to ferris monchi as always Thank you to Billy Scafuri for joining us Thank you to Amir Schmuel Blumenfeld for joining us Thank you to Marika Brownlee for joining us on Saks

And I guess we should Go out with a bang Go out with a Saks What happened to Flip Diesel Flip Diesel is taking a break from Hollywood She Felicity Diesel it's hard when you

get fast tracked to fame because you end up living in the wrong places amongst the wrong crowd I'm talking like in one of those really fancy houses on like the bird streets you know above Soho House West Hollywood where you're just going to Sour Ranch not only every weekend,

but like with reckless abandon. And so... Are we still rolling? Can I stop? This is the show. This is the show. We end it. Yeah, I'm going to end it.

Amir needs to get his vaccine. You can follow me on Instagram at Jeffrey James, on Twitter at JeffBoyRD, follow HeadGum across platforms at HeadGum, and we'll see you guys again next week with a less exciting episode. Let's be honest, it's not going to be the HeadGum Oscars. GoodGum. And we'll see you guys again next week with a less exciting episode.

Let's be honest. It's not going to be the HeadGum Oscars. Good tease. Yeah. Yeah. Solid sell. Tax! That was a Hidgum Original.