The Headgum Podcast - 51: No Vaccine for Teens

Episode Date: May 21, 2021

Amir, Danny, and Mike join Geoff to discuss Danny's move to LA, Michael Bay, and the joys of prostate play!BUY THE HEADGUM PODCAST MERCH!Advertise on The Headgum Podcast via Gumball.fmRate Th...e Headgum Podcast 5-stars on Apple Podcasts.Join the Headgum Discord.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Starting point is 00:00:00 This is a HeadGum Original. Previously on the HeadGum Podcast. Would you rather be magically fit no matter what you eat or how much you work out, but have no sense of humor? Or be like universally regarded as funny at whatever level you want, whether that's like you're a famous comedian or you're just kind of like the funny guy in the friend group, but you're 300 pounds. absolutely ripped and everyone can hate me i don't even have to not be funny i can be actively disliked as long as i have fucking
Starting point is 00:00:32 abs isn't the point of having abs to be liked it's to be hot okay isn't the point of being hot to be like no it's to be fucked like you will be fucked but in a different way pile marika magically fit no matter what no sense of humor or universally funny and like in in bad health i don't want to be like in bad health when you describe it that way okay then let's say okay well i mean i just didn't i don't want to body shame at all so that it's not that you're overweight it's just that you're in bad health i'd like to be healthy so but being fit doesn't mean that you're healthy i'll be not funny i want to change my answer i want to be sick and hilarious yeah i don't think like anyone's gonna take the i want to be sick
Starting point is 00:01:20 option oh my god what an option it is. Next question. Would you rather get hit in the head with a hammer or have a billion dollars? Enough, man! Absolutely enough! It's been 14 episodes of this shit and I'm fucking sick of it. Finally. The guy you lose it on his pile, of all people,
Starting point is 00:01:42 of all guests, after all you've been through, you flip out on Andrew. Major Key Alert! gonna start us off right off the back with the major key alert of the day if you three sound clips before you even spoke is the national anthem clapping and then major key alert you definitely didn't need two of those ferris just cut out the in between that counts as five so now i have to do it again And then major key alert. You definitely didn't need two of those. Damn, Daniel. Major key alert. Ferris just cut out the in-between there. That counts as five. Sorry, now I have to do it again.
Starting point is 00:02:49 One second. Major key alert. The major key alert of the day is if you are an avid consumer of whey protein, Danny, you're going to want to supplement that with glycine because that's going to help you absorb the, I mean, for lack of a better term amino acids that are all up in that powder oh thank you i'm gonna need to ask you about that dan did you climb do you rock climb no what makes you think that i just feel like you're in like good shape would you want to rock climb when you move to la no i have zero interest i'll i'll hike though i had
Starting point is 00:03:19 a nice little hike you were just in la were you here for a week a weekend a weekend nice little three days what did you think did you find a place did you find a neighborhood that you fell in love with etc yeah it was a little like house hunters but with like way more apartments and uh a way shittier budget you find anything good yeah i don't want to tell you i don't want to tell jeff i'm fucking living smart very smart well not smart los angeles county oh let put it like that. There's 10 million people that live there. There's so many places. The definition of urban sprawl could be anywhere. I'm just wondering zip code 90026.
Starting point is 00:03:55 I actually don't know the zip code, to be honest. But yeah, I found a spot, a nice little spot in suburban, the nice little suburban quiet street. Hey, Danny, you can send me a private chat just so in the zoom just so i can see it because i'm curious but like yeah i don't want jeff to know for sure and especially not your exact address it's super awkward maybe with a private chat that'd be great no no private chat between danny and me not so that you can't find out where it is because you like to fucking weasel your way into private information and then exploit it yeah comate what's new in the
Starting point is 00:04:28 life and times of mike nothing dude i was just doing work and you asked me to come on this show so i'm doing that for you we are recording on a tuesday which is a much usually busier work day for everybody it's just the only day that worked for me this week and i'd be remiss if an episode super considerate of you dude right thank you i'd love to do an episode that somebody else hosts and i'm the guest i would i've been wanting amir to host an episode and he doesn't seem to want to put the work in yeah i'm sure it's a lot of work like it's time to play fossy or saucy are these things said by a choreographer a can of ketchup and then you're just like here's a fucking audio clip of sauce coming out of a bottle and then you venmo people three hundred dollars that is that really is a lot of work that i don't know if i'll be just digging through our slack history
Starting point is 00:05:13 ice in my veins basically how long does this go for you have to stand up if you don't stand up it's not a good sound clip speaking of stand up Danny you've been doing shows every week how's it been going great, vaccined up, waited my two weeks
Starting point is 00:05:38 post second shot, I'm out here dog are you going to do mics when you get out here yeah this is my fucking dream Jeff I thought maybe the dream kind of just gets lost in the sauce on the airplane over what i'd love to see a set i the whole company should come watch you do a set that'd be nice yeah that'd be i'd appreciate the support thank you but you'd rather some of us don't show up there may or may not already be invites out for certain people in the company and i can't guarantee that you're not one of them so
Starting point is 00:06:05 that's why i am one of them because that's a double negative yeah you're not i don't want you there all right bro i don't want you there no i get it i get it um i'll figure it out i'll figure out where it is and i'll end up there um amir crypto what's the uh what's the update i mean it's a very volatile time in the marketplace. Don't invest what you can't afford to lose. Have fun, ride the waves, find the shit coins, find the hype coins, the meme tokens, and just, yeah, spray the table like a high roller at a roulette table.
Starting point is 00:06:38 You're just sort of making your guesses and you're hoping for the best. There's no guarantees, but it's fun to track. That's a pretty informed response you didn't say anything back jeff you just sort of smiled at me but it sounded like it was met with deafening silence because you didn't say anything i mean again ferris will kind of like do his magic it's gonna sound great in the edit it's just i didn't know what to say to that yeah well you asked me a question i gave you an answer and then you didn't know what to say to that i don't have to always have the correct thing to say like that's why there's editing and that's why there's four of us okay
Starting point is 00:07:15 as the host it's sort of your job to move the show along like is there a segment coming up you played a couple segments the soviet national anthem yeah at the top did that lead to anything or that was sort of a danny or fanny nice oh that's good is it danny sellers or is it fanny may mortgage garbage yeah i don't know i just i feel like i'm i'm the fucking catalyst for these things and i'm sick of it i feel like it'd be better if you guys brought some shit to the table maybe we do like a sellers druthers today didn't we already do that yeah we've done it we've done it uh we need a heads up what's up with your life jeff i mean are you in la are you what's career wise what are you working on what's next i appreciate that uh yeah i'm in la
Starting point is 00:08:05 uh career wise not going too well uh but um that's tight that's pretty much it oh i'm i'm going to miami this week to shoot a commercial for vinnie peon's production company so that's like you caught me on a week where it sounds like i'm really successful i'm not doing jack otherwise tell me about the crypto thing how do i make like $100,000 in an hour? You can't. You have to start with $90,000 and hope to God one of them pops for that last 10. I don't have that.
Starting point is 00:08:35 Right. You don't. Exactly. I guess you're doing work in Miami, so that sounds good. Yeah, but I'm not getting paid for it. So why are you going? Because it's south beach ass
Starting point is 00:08:45 i'm taking my talents there you live in la it's like the same here yeah if anything it's nicer here it's not as humid yeah it's drier yeah um danny how's the marriage how's the old ball and shane is she excited to move to la don't call her that she's a great she's a great lady um yeah bruh she's very excited we're driving out doing that route 66 i think oh that's great the dog and you said june i don't want to tell you the exact date but yeah give or take well let's get like the week second week third week what part of town do you live i live in echo park oh okay nice okay you're going Larchmont, aren't you? You're going Hollywood? No, I prefer not to say.
Starting point is 00:09:26 But I was in Echo Park this last weekend or whatever in this area. It's two weekends ago. Oh, really? Where'd you go? Whatever Marty said the office might be, I went over there. And then I went to, you know, where the undefeated, like the sneaker shop?
Starting point is 00:09:38 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Went to, what's that, 33 Taps? Amir loves 33 Taps. Yeah, I watch a lot of basketball games there. Pre-pandemic of course. Solid sports bar on the east side. Yeah. I'm excited because the
Starting point is 00:09:49 the potential new office has a basketball hoop in the yard and I just want to like dunk on Cohen. You can't dunk. Well and it's seven foot. Yeah. It's 10 foot regulation rim. You can't touch that.
Starting point is 00:10:00 I know but you definitely can't dunk it. It's not an adjustable hoop but I thought that maybe we could swap it out. So you want to lower the rim so you can dunk on your boss. So it's camaraderie. It's team building.
Starting point is 00:10:14 I'm not. Remember how nerve wracking it was? Speaking of like sweating and shit in the middle of the day, like middle school, like second period, like you're just playing your heart out and you have like 90 seconds to go from like
Starting point is 00:10:29 gym shorts to biology with your crush and you smell fucking horrible. Was showering not a thing for y'all? Traumatizing.
Starting point is 00:10:36 In school? They had showers, but like, to Danny's point, it was, you have like five minutes to get from being fully sweaty
Starting point is 00:10:43 on a basketball court to fucking science. It really doesn't make a lot of sense. That's why I'm asking, though, because it's like we had the showers, but nobody used them. I never saw a single person in high school or middle school ever use the showers after gym, even though we all really needed to. I'm not getting butt naked at 12. Yeah. At school. 11 and a half butt ass naked. It's not going to happen. I'm not getting butt naked at 12 at school 11 and a half butt ass naked
Starting point is 00:11:08 it's not gonna happen I do remember the first time that I was like wait I have to like just change in front of 20 people like this is insane right I'm 9 at most you're like 14 and a half I'm not fucking doing it Amir what was the first time that you
Starting point is 00:11:25 kind of bared your ass unto others it's a good question no it's not and the fact that he was playing with his hair during it made it worse when was the first time i bared my ass unto others yeah meaning what you might be valid saying that that's an invasive question, but don't act like it doesn't make absolute sense. You mean when was the first time I was naked in public? Yeah. I've never been naked in public. This is fucked. It's normal.
Starting point is 00:11:55 Danny, what is the riskiest thing that's paid off to you in the past calendar year? The past calendar year? I don't know. It wasn't a risk. I got laid off the past calendar year, but it wasn't my... I didn't do it on purpose. I mean, it led to some good things.
Starting point is 00:12:11 You're here with us now. 100%. So I'll take the blame for that. Yeah, I did that on purpose. It wasn't a pandemic that forced me out of a job. I did have a job end right before the pandemic,
Starting point is 00:12:21 and I've been telling people that it was because of the pandemic it wasn't because of the pandemic it's because of me i definitely know some people that got fired and it's like yeah the pandemic was tough so you're just bad at your job you got fired in 2018 you've been unemployed for five years what are you talking about like why are you smiling because you've been the one to fire a lot of people this year. And we didn't even, we had the budget. You just wanted to let them go. Me or Mike?
Starting point is 00:12:49 Mike. I have power? Yeah, a little bit too much sometimes. Yeah, if you want, you could fire JG. Let's talk offline. John George? Right. You don't know how initials work. I forgot.
Starting point is 00:13:06 You just said the word of the week. Which is what? Is. That's funny. There's no way I was the first to say is in this episode. I just paid rent this morning. We pay rent in cash, so I had to stop by a Chase ATM. I have not that much money left in my bank account,
Starting point is 00:13:24 but I'm going to give you every cent of it for the word of the week. Usually it's $1,000, Danny, but I only have like $300. It's the middle of the month. Hold on, where do you live? You pay rent in cash on the 12th? Our landlord lives in the desert, and we get $100 off our rent if we pay in cash because I think he doesn't like to tell the IRS that...
Starting point is 00:13:42 He's a landlord. Here we go. I'm your Blumenfeld. Is $308 okay? Because that's all I have. doesn't like to tell the IRS that he's a landlord. Here we go. Amir Blumenfeld. Is $308 okay? Because that's all I have. Don't pay me anything, because then I'll have to send it back, and it's this weird thing of who owes who what. And it's less of a headache if you just don't send me any cash.
Starting point is 00:13:58 I already feel like I have $40 to $100 from previous episodes that I haven't sent back. Yeah. Yeah, he sent it to me. Again, and the transaction note said you owe me. I'm going to send this right back to you, so I don't want to owe you
Starting point is 00:14:14 anything. I'm just signing into Chase to see my $0 balance. I'm going to get an overdraft fee because I actually only had $233. Don't show that shit to us. This is a great vibe. Like I'm really riding this with you guys.
Starting point is 00:14:29 Not really. Danny, you should get on the talk. I feel like you would go viral. I have one, but I've only posted like a couple videos. Is it at Danny Sellers? I'm not a TikToker. At Follow Sellers. Follow Sellers, the regular social media handle.
Starting point is 00:14:42 Well, I feel like there's stand-ups that just post their stand-up clips. Maybe you could do that. I did that, and I did get more hits on that than I typically do, but I'm being weird about it. I'm going to do it more, I think, eventually. We should do, well, Marty, he probably wouldn't like me saying this.
Starting point is 00:14:57 I'll ask him, and I'll cut him out if he doesn't want me to say it. But he's trying. He probably doesn't want you to say it. Like, you usually lean into these weird, awkward, personal moments. So the fact that this one is giving you pause makes me think that he definitely does not want you to say what you're about to say. But you can say it and we can cut it out. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:15:19 I just don't think you would have talked to Mike like that. So it's weird that I get this weird treat. He would never have said... Why would he have caused to? This is four years of emotional abuse. Yeah. I weird that I get this weird treat. You would never have said he is. Why would he have caused to? This is four years of emotional abuse. Yeah. I've said four words
Starting point is 00:15:29 this whole show. Let's just get this over with. We have 40 more minutes. Funny soundbite. It's over with. Let's do a funny soundbite. It's act one. What did he say?
Starting point is 00:15:40 What did he say? And that's kind of funny. That's kind of funny. Danny, I've been thinking a lot about, you know, Eat, Pray, Love? I've heard of it. What is it, a movie? It's like a book and a movie. I guess the premise is this divorcee travels around France eating, praying, and loving.
Starting point is 00:15:57 And I feel like I want the same for you. I want you to find yourself in Nice. I'm already married. What's that? I'm already married. I know, but you have to be married to be find yourself in me. I'm already married. What's that? I'm already married. I know, but you have to be married to be divorced at some point. And she was divorced.
Starting point is 00:16:10 You want my marriage to fail, bro? I don't want it to fail. I want you to have eat, pray, love and plenty of people get divorced and get back together. Have you seen Gilmore girls? No,
Starting point is 00:16:19 I'm not. I'm not an 18 year old young lady. Yeah. I mean, I'm moving out to L.A., bro. I'm driving across the country. I guess that could be your pray love moment. Yeah, it's like your Route 60. Are you going to go by the Grand Canyon? I don't know yet.
Starting point is 00:16:36 Maybe, I guess. Okay. I think you need to find yourself. What's going on with you and your life? Oh, yeah, I don't know who I am. Because, like, security comes from knowing who you are and, and like sticking to that and having some kind of north star in place being like knowing what the behavior is that you would actually do if you weren't under some kind of emotional distress and i haven't quite figured that out yet and that might be the reason for this
Starting point is 00:17:02 show i don't think that's the reason for this show. Wow. It's growing, though. The show's growing. Yeah, no, you're doing great, man. I paid for some of those listens. There's like this eBay thing that if you pay out $200, you get 20,000 downloads. Okay, well, never mind.
Starting point is 00:17:20 Danny, does your wife have any older single friends that might want to pay me to hang out with them? Sort of like a sugar mama scenario? What? What? That's like I'm like 58 bro older single friends that would pay you to hang out with them yeah like companionship for cash yeah have fun in miami man because yeah you might be able to find somebody like that there yeah what's your let's set up like a profile for you for dating like tell the listeners who you are do you like to what do you like to work out
Starting point is 00:17:51 you know are you funny that's a good question are you funny i'm sloth so i don't really i'm lazy in that specific regard and then like the the jokes are just like canned sound bites that i play off of a website and then i like ride the coattails of canned sound bites that i play off of a website and then i like ride the coattails of people that are funnier than me like you guys uh and then edit it together so that i sound like i'm the reason why you guys are like getting their marks do you do stand-up are you done stand-up no stand-up's too hard what about improv you seem like an improv guy yeah i do improv that was the most insulting thing that's ever been said to Jeff on this show you seem like
Starting point is 00:18:28 an improv guy I'll let that sink in Jeff I wasn't trying that that's no I know and that's what makes it worse got it that was so fast but I do want Jeff to let that sink in
Starting point is 00:18:45 this show is sponsored by BetterHelp you know if you had an extra hour in your day a lot of people would spend that very differently than the one sitting next to them. Maybe person A would go for a run, person B would take a nap, and patient zero would read a book. The point is, a lot of us spend our time and our lives wishing we had more hours in the day. And the question is, what is that time for?
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Starting point is 00:20:40 That's why for the last three years I've been taking AG1, just one scoop and a cup of water mixed around every day, no exceptions. And it helps me feel, you know, energized, focused, ready to take on the day like I'm doing one powerfully healthy habit that's also powerfully simple. I know that AG1 gives my body high quality nutrition because every batch goes through a rigorous testing process so that you know it's safe. And their ingredients are sourced for potency, absorption, and nutrient density, all of which is very important and you don't always get with other leading nutrition brands.
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Starting point is 00:21:51 Try AG1 and get a free one-year supply of vitamin D3K2 and five free AG1 travel packs with your first purchase exclusively at drinkag1.com slash what's that? Again, that's drinkag1.com slash what's that? Check it out. Yeah. All right, here we go welcome to michael bay or mike comate i knew you were going for the slack history huh yeah okay and i'm self-conscious about the bit because everybody seems to be catching on to the rhyme thing. Of course. Of course. Alright, I'm gonna say a quote. Yeah, we know. It has to be from Michael Bay or Mike Comete. Alright, number one. I'm at that point in my life where I definitely want to get
Starting point is 00:22:36 married soon. I think I was Transformers 2. Correct. That's Michael Bay. We should say that this is all for cash. So, Danny, that's $10 to you. And then for everything that you guys get wrong, that's $10 owed to me. Danny's up $10. This feels fucking canned at this point because morale is low. You sure you want to bring on the least requested guest?
Starting point is 00:22:55 That's Komete. That's correct. I'm losing $20. This is fucked. Everybody knows about Pearl Harbor. What? Did he produce Pearl Harbor? Michael Bay? I feel like that's a hint. Michael Bay.
Starting point is 00:23:10 Yes. That was Michael Bay. All right. Pearl Harbor was a good thing to have happen. Michael Bay, I guess. That was Comite. No way. What do you mean?
Starting point is 00:23:21 He never said that. What's the exact quote that you're attributing to Mike? Oh, he said, Pearl Harbor was a good thing to have happen the harbor or the attack on it like just all right never mind i love doing big movies it's awesome it's gotta be big correct and he was up 20 danny's up 20. Mike hasn't even guessed. Here we go. Big movies are the devil's... What's that? I was laughing. For the first time in this show, I was finally laughing, and you stopped me.
Starting point is 00:23:54 Big movies are the devil's product. The only films I want to watch are low-budget shorts made at 24-hour film festivals. Was that me? Correct. Oh, good. Goat Dave's up 10. Danny's up 10. Amir's up 20. There's no way he said it.
Starting point is 00:24:20 There's no way he said that. That's actually incorrect. Do you think the alternatives that Michael Bay said the exact opposite of the quote prior to what that one was oh i see okay it's a flip-flop so it had to be me what we do is not brain surgery we're entertainers plain and simple and we're responsible to bring that money back to make a profit like mike has a little bit of capitalism in him
Starting point is 00:24:39 that was michael bay that's who danny was talking about oh exactly 20 then 20 to danny here we go to me audio engineering is both harder and more important than brain surgery michael bay that was wrong that was comate uh amir is only up 10 now all right i i allow a lot of room for improvisation and funny stuff I always feel planned it's a horrible series of sentences didn't he like contradict exactly what he said
Starting point is 00:25:18 hopefully it's Michael Bay correct Danny's up $30 last one as a general rule of thumb, I like to cut out funny bits of podcasts. You're going to say it's Kamate, but it's not. Oh, no. You just lost out.
Starting point is 00:25:35 Here we go. All right. That's it, right? Danny won $30. Mike, I think you won $ and uh amir you broke even danny it's danny sellers three right it's not it's follow sellers even on venmo please do not send me the money that's how fucked up you are
Starting point is 00:26:08 please do not send me money do you realize how cursed of a man you have to be for people to beg you not to give them cash let's talk about some current events i'm going to shout out some headlines and you guys are going to give me your take all right the race is on to vaccinate america's nearly 17 million younger teens i'm gonna have to give a hot take i don't think younger teens should get the vaccines yeah that is a very hot incorrect take why do you not think so i think that if you do pull-ups that's as good as of a vaccine as possible especially if you kind of swing in the air hither than thither so if you exercise with poor form you think that's better than being vaccinated for this illness yeah that's incorrect the goal is to get
Starting point is 00:26:57 as many people vaccinated as possible as many adults yeah or know, as many as the CDC deems safe. Do you guys think kids are interesting? What age? Let's say under six. Yeah, I can find a four or five year old interesting. Really? Yeah, they have like very silly, fun thoughts about the world.
Starting point is 00:27:20 They're, you know, very they're not cynical at that age yet filled with wonderment and silly sense of humor silly is a good word for it though because people say silly when they mean not smart like silly is just what's that no dumb is when people say not smart they mean dumb silly is like fun and funny no because like danny can back me up on this the best comedy comes from truth and you know references and you know you have to be smart to be funny that's why yeah that's why he's a stand-up but then there's people that just do silly stuff like advice podcasts you know it's like that's
Starting point is 00:27:54 just spewing nonsense and that's not really it doesn't require you to read you know um no i have to read i know you're talking about things at large but in terms of the advice podcast yes that's part of it is reading it also depends like when you watch a show too you know whether it came from real life experiences or whether it's like a nonsense so like you know when i watch let's say uh veep i know that that person must have an in on the political the political spheres and that's smart comedy because they're introducing certain characters where did we how did we get here man and then there's shows that's like i don't know like uh trying to think of something on the spot that like wouldn't take that much work like a like a dating coach or like a like a like a pickup artistry class
Starting point is 00:28:51 like that's nobody's done that and that's just low brow to have okay i did like multiple shows that have done that jake and i did a show about that you were in it it's called lonely and horny it's the poster behind me oh that, that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, you're not sorry. You went out of your way to bring that up. The question was, should teenagers get vaccinated? And you ended up saying that. Let's just move on.
Starting point is 00:29:15 Advice podcasts are stupid and Zora shows about dating coaches. Forget it. Don't say that I forgot. Yeah, forget it. Let's just go to the next headline. Has the pandemic go to the next headline. Has the pandemic changed dating forever? Danny? Why are you trying to test my marriage? I'm in a
Starting point is 00:29:34 relationship. I know. I'm happy that you found the one, man. I'm just wondering, has it been tough to not have those nights out on the town or those nights with your boys? Yeah, sure. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:29:48 Not being able to go outside is pretty rough. Amir? Has the pandemic changed dating forever? No. It's changed dating for now, but I think we'll slowly start to return to normalcy. That's pretty good. I'm not done talking. As more and more people get vaccinated,
Starting point is 00:30:10 yes, including teenagers, who you just recently urged not to happen. Not to get the vaccine. Right, yeah, that's incorrect. Why are you playing with your hair? I don't know what to do with my hair. It's so long. I hate it some days.
Starting point is 00:30:24 What's that? Yeah, you got to cut it. You have the same length hair. Yeah. I don't know what to do with my hair. It's so long. I hate it some days. What's that? Yeah, you gotta cut it. You have the same length hair. No, mine's longer and it needs to be cut. So that's how I know yours needs to be cut as well. Yeah, I kind of wanted
Starting point is 00:30:33 to do the like long hair rocker look because I can't help but feel like I'm a rocker. Clean it up and it'll work. I just don't have a barber that I trust in my neighborhood yet.
Starting point is 00:30:41 Oh, I love my barber. Christina Mack. Danny, you gotta go to my barber. She's amazing no damn daniel back at it again with the white man well uh yeah i guess that sometimes uh my endorsements are the opposite um i would sooner leave christina than not have other people be perturbed to go to her yeah i mean i think you should support her she needs business yeah um give her a shout out on here give her a nice host red ad but i prefer uh not to after years in a supporting role, Amber Sabathia is in charge. That's the current event.
Starting point is 00:31:31 You went from a vaccine to what is that? Amber Sabathia? Sabathia, yeah. Who is that? That's Cece Sabathia's wife, who's now an agent at CAA. So what? What do you mean, so what? She's a fucking girl boss. Okay. She's a hashtag girl boss slay. So what? What do you mean, so what? She's a fucking girl boss. Okay. She's a hashtag girl
Starting point is 00:31:47 boss slay. So what? What can we have to say about that? Somebody we don't know became an agent at CAA? She hustles for her art. Nice. Good. Agency. Next headline. Yeah. Wow. Okay. This is
Starting point is 00:32:04 yeah. You know, yeah you know yeah say it you piece of shit oh my god oh my god that's funny all right jeff i have a question what first day back in the office say this a couple months from now you know it's a nice la monday like what are you what's the plan like sunday night from sunday until nine o'clock or whatever the hell you get into work what what are you gonna do oh well we gotta celebrate being in the office i think we we get in at like a nice 9 30 10 a.m uh we mondays are my big editing days so i'll be i'll edit um in a corner while everyone else has fun and uh i'll help around if marty needs me to move stuff soundproof the studio any etc walter etc and uh obviously shoot some hoops outside show
Starting point is 00:33:06 everyone how sopping my jump shots gotten and we all go out for drinks afterwards we all go out for drinks we go to the black cat we visit my buddy shannon she works there and uh we see what comes of the night maybe i find a lass maybe i get ass. Maybe it's already proving to be the summer of our lives, which is what I am assuming it might have to be. Sorry, I'm here. You're like blinking at me pointedly. Like I'm not saying. I thought we fired you. You're talking about like going back to the office and hanging out, going to a bar afterwards and talking to a lass.
Starting point is 00:33:44 You're not going to be working here for much longer. I thought Marty already had that conversation with you. He did. I just thought it was a joke because I also have so much to bring to the table. Yeah. I mean, not really, but sure. Oprah Winfrey, Keanu Reeves to participate in new book show.
Starting point is 00:34:01 I guess my take is why. That's a weird coupling of people. Danny, convinced myself that i was gonna be a millionaire off of dogecoin and uh i was thinking to myself i was like okay i'll buy a house and then once you buy a house if you own it outright why work you know what i mean what would doge have had to be for you to be a millionaire that could buy a house outright with cash let's see that would have had to have been yeah a hundred dollars and it topped out at 73 cents that's how far you are on a hundred yard field you're on the fucking two foot mark it's a safety it was a safety yeah snapping it into your end zone for sure snapping it into my ass oh my god danny have you ever experienced the joys of prostate play
Starting point is 00:34:54 jesus christ come on man no i'm just trying to get one person to answer that question do you really ask everybody no never the joys of prostate play it's a group of llamas dying i think it's the origin all right here we go what mike say oh that it's comatose and i want to know what mike say and you know it's all for the day you already did this not today you already took what I said no let's do comatase druthers
Starting point is 00:35:50 what? just like what's been on your mind recently man this is such an uphill battle today I mean you asked me to come on this show you knew what you were getting into no I want your druthers I want your absolute druthers
Starting point is 00:36:04 if you had it your way comatate way how would the world be different man i'm tired of all of the uh like the zen caster and like riverside fm and like those apps that are being used for like podcast recording i need people that i wish people would just stop using them bro they bother me i thought i was going crazy they They are shitty, right? I just think that I, I got an email from one of the reps yesterday of one of those companies. I think they just blanketed the whole company. I don't know if anybody else got one, but it was just so annoying that they, like I said to them, I'm sorry, your, your app doesn't fit into our workflow right now.
Starting point is 00:36:42 And the guy goes, hold on. Like, do any of your hosts record locally though? And I was like, all like most of them do. Some of them also have external recorders. Like on this call, we have three people recording locally and one person recording to an external recorder right now. And so it's a pretty, it's a pretty good mix that we have at the company. Um, and the guy's like, well, since some people are recording locally, this app just uploads straight to you, to the host. And so you don't have, it makes it one step easier. And I was like, I was like, no, I just, I'm sorry. It just doesn't work. And he goes, well, I mean, since it does make sense for you to use us, hopefully we can reconnect further down the line. And it made me so mad. I didn't
Starting point is 00:37:19 respond. I just deleted the email, but like, I, I, you know, I thank, I wasn't rude to my response. I just thanked him for his time. And it was like, I was like, thank you. We don't need you. But like, I appreciate it. It's just a mess. I actually I wrote this whole like, I was like, I was up way too late last night, because this email just shook me so hard. And I was like, right now I have most of my guests on the shows that I'm interviewing. I have them record a voice memo with their phone if they don't have any kind of podcasting set up. And it's so much better than having them record into their Zencast or whatever, and like have to worry about like the space of being taken up on their computer and having weird, like what are the privacy settings? Like guests will come on and join
Starting point is 00:38:02 those calls and not see to check like the, okay the microphone use being used for safari or whatever or it has to be used only in google chrome so if they don't use google chrome if they download that shit it's just that's that's bothering me yeah i know like roasting uh this salesperson but i've used that before in other podcasting i'm like bro this was trash yeah it was a delay like i did the video joint it was a delay and i yeah it was it was complete fabrication of like a problem that doesn't exist it was like at the beginning of the pandemic we as a company were trying to figure it out we all jumped on the zencaster bandwagon we were all just like this sucks like there was some crazy privacy issues up front that were like you'd log into your account and get somebody else's account for like a very brief period and it's just like why why and then zen caster like came
Starting point is 00:38:50 oh did you have to sleep you left his own recording this is crazy this is insane unless he's doing just like this costume change or something but yeah he turned his video and audio off this is awkward it's pretty disrespectful too to be honest. I know. I was on a roll. Man. Especially because I think your two minutes were up. So like this is when he would reintroduce himself. This is when he'd usually
Starting point is 00:39:11 like get mad. Like he'd start making a face because somebody else was talking too much or something. Right. Exactly. But then he spent the whole
Starting point is 00:39:17 first 45 minutes complaining about having to talk too much. Yeah. So like. If you'd be mad the attention's not on him anymore. I think that's what it is.
Starting point is 00:39:25 He's like acting out or something. I hope he can't hear us because i really have some issues with jeff and it's just like all right dude what's your problem yeah i think the problem is that it's more than one problem it's not just like right one issue we can resolve it's like a series of fucked up decisions that ended up with him borderline accidentally hosting the show right and now we feel too bad to fire him and i'm relatively new and i feel like most people like hit me up on slack individually like jeff's kind of like i don't know he's probably one of the weirdest people in the company he's probably a good guy but yeah i'll send the audio to ferris so that um i just don't want to i don't want him to hear me saying that about him
Starting point is 00:40:05 because I know he's kind of sensitive and stuff. Yeah. It's tough to work together. I'm moving to LA. We might be in the same office. It'll be awkward. It'll be weird. He'll probably find out your address too, regardless.
Starting point is 00:40:15 Exactly. I know. God. That was a Hiddem Original.

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