The Headgum Podcast - 57: PENIS15

Episode Date: July 2, 2021

Jake, Micah, and Marika join Geoff to discuss Hudson Valley real estate, rock climbing, and Micah embezzling from the network!BUY THE HEADGUM PODCAST MERCH!Advertise on The Headgum Podcast via Gumball.fmRate The Headgum Podcast 5-stars on Apple Podcasts.Join the Headgum Discord.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Original. Previously on the HeadGum Podcast. Your tailor is yapping your ear off about how you can't taper your jeans ankle openings to four inches because that's impossibly small and your feet won't fit through the hole. What would you do? I've gone through this exact scenario and I'm not joking this is on wall street uh there's a tailor that i went to uh and he told me are you sure your feet are going to fit through it and i just kept pestering him saying yes and uh lo and behold the customer was always right and i was the customer nice really confusing way of putting that pick up the pants i did pick up the pants i'm wearing them right now actually and they do fit you stand up it's tux pants they're impossibly tight

all the right tightness in the wrong places oh yeah we're wearing jeans who was delayed us yeah wow interesting Interesting. I'm scared. It's the same. The Tropical Storm soundtrack soundtrack I'm not scared actually this is a nice vibe it's relaxing, soothing nice rain stick

he has to be doing something really cool it's gonna be so cool oh god you were wrong Micah It's gonna be so cool. Oh, God. You were wrong, Micah. Yeah. It's shredding. This is kind of cool. Yeah. The little lifts.

I don't know. It's mildly impressive. It's just the amount of effort that went into it makes it less so. Does that make sense? Yes. It's like if we asked him to do this and he whipped it out, if he did it, we'd be, this is awesome. I was going to say the circumstance makes it less impressive. But it's still awesome.

It's pretty good. If you give this man a ride, sweet family will die. Killer on the road. Do we think it's like the guitar's plugged in, so it's going to sound good? Or is his mic just in front of an unplugged electric guitar? I think it's probably going to, we're going to rely on Ferris heavily, but it's going to end up sounding good. Oh yeah, for anyone wondering, Jeff was playing the electric guitar. Yeah. Oh, and you were right.

Just microphone on the guitar. Cool. I spilled my water over every cable that I have on my desk. Just now? Just now. That's absolutely correct. I'm going to take a photo and text it to all of you. Wow.

Oh, God. I can't wait to see it. What a start. Welcome to the roast. Jake. We're not doing a roast. You're a little left of center in your comedy. Micah, your hair is curlier than I'd prefer.

Marika, let's do away with the glasses, four eyes. This isn't a roast. This isn't a roast. That's just an insult. Roasts are like, and he's gone. He turned his camera off. I hope actually that was your computer breaking. That's what I hope.

It was a lot of water in this photo. And the glass was frosty. Oh. Which I'm jealous of. Would love a frosty glass. Like frosty cold? Yeah. I didn't get this photo.

It's on Slack. There you go. That's why. Oh my God. Yeah, that's wet. And that was ice water. He is cleaning it up right now. Yeah, that's wet. And that was ice water. He is cleaning it up right now. Yeah.

It's so funny to see. Definitely got onto a little black book, which I would be very interested to know the contents of. The tiny purple guitar pick in the mess. Hey, sorry about that. The source of everything. You're not sorry. I'm not going to get on a Friday,

a bonus Friday in a way, because every episode that we do of the show is not a given. Interesting. I didn't prepare anything today. The guitar thing was... Why am I on this episode, Ben? What's that?

I listen to other episodes where you have segments, you play games. I miss Jeopardy. Jeopardy was great. Yeah, it was great. The questions were bad. You can't do Jeopardy every Friday. Couldn't even do it once.

But to be clear, this is fucked up because now I'm on and you plan nothing? This is one of the episodes where you yell at us to wax, right? What did he say? you yell at us to wax, right? What did he say? I wanted to get back to the roots of the show, which is a company happy hour where we talk about the inner workings of the network. I don't know if that was entirely...

The inner workings? That was never the conceit of the show. All right. Then let's just wax. Yep, there we go. There it is. How are you, Jeffrey? Another name for this podcast is let's just wax with an exclamation point.

You just spilled. I'm frazzled by the spill, honestly, because I have so many expensive, like the most expensive things I've ever purchased are all on this desk and then next to it with this guitar. Can you tell us what's in the black book that the water got dangerously close to that is a little notebook where you write down three goals for the day and then you check it off yeah i would love would love to hear some i've never used yesterday oh okay you know i once had a really dangerous uh podcast related spill it was in the early days of the pandemic. And I like, do you guys remember the,

like the desk that I built for myself in that closet? Yeah. I had like a cabinet door laid across a, on a filing cabinet with some books on top, propping it up to like desk height. And I was really proud of myself. It was the day that I had constructed it. And I filled up a,

like an ice water with like LaCroix lime. And I was ready to settle I had constructed it. And I filled up an ice water with LaCroix lime. And I was ready to settle in for a podcast. I went to cross my legs. And I just kicked the cabinet straight up. Everything slid down into the corner along with the ice water. It was awful. I know how it feels. It was kind of trendy.

Yeah. Word of the week trendy i knew that it was that so i just wanted to get the thou fuck it wasn't even related to what i said yeah but i still got it none of you guys said yeah well and you knew it was the word of the week and you sort of shoehorned it in this is the first time this has ever happened shoehorn is next week's word of the week no shit so i guess you gotta what's the cash prize for that it's a thousand dollars for the word of the week so i guess i'll venmo you 500 well why would i split that because i got the word because you got it a week in advance i got that on getting it a week in advance is only worth half it feels like it should be worth double no no no just nods You can Venmo me at

500 bucks, but I'm going to request an additional five. Micah, I feel like it's been a whirlwind for you these past couple weeks. God damn it. That went through. You fucking asshole. You really did it? Yeah,

he did it. Yeah, of course. Does he expect it back? Yes. I really need it back Yeah, he did it. Does he expect it back? Yes. I really need it back is the thing. Yeah. Chee! Chee! Chee! Chee!

Chee! Chee! Chee! Chee! Chee! Chee! Chee! Chee!

Chee! Chee! Chee! Chee! Chee! Chee! Chee! Chee!

Chee! Chee! Chee! Chee! Chee! Chee! Chee! Chee!

Chee! Chee! Chee! Chee! Chee! Chee! Chee! Chee!

Chee! Chee! Chee! Chee! Chee! Chee! Chee! Chee!

Chee! Chee! Chee! Chee! Chee! Chee! Chee! Chee!

Chee! Chee! Chee! Chee! Chee! Chee! Chee! Chee!

Chee! Chee! Chee! Chee! Chee! Chee! Chee! Chee!

Chee! Chee! Chee! Chee! Chee! Chee! Chee! Chee!

Chee! Chee! Chee! Chee! Chee does a cry for help. I don't have enough support from the network. We don't even have a marketing officer. I've gotten no press for doing this show. I've gotten no cash for doing this. Don't we give you cash for this? I get paid hourly, that's true. But what

if I said no and I went on strike? Because this is one of our biggest shows. I don't think it is. Really? Everybody keeps congratulating me on how big the numbers are. It's a big, it's a popular show. It's a good show. It's doing well.

It is. And I do congratulate you. Yeah, it's a quick growing show. No, I mean like support from the network. I mean, I don't know what I can do. You sell ads. Yeah, we sell ads for your show. That's true.

And half the time I forget to record the ads because I'm always shocked. Yeah. I'm always shocked that it sells. Past two weeks I've gotten them in though. I've gotten the ads in. Who's advertising on this show? BetterHelp, StockX, and did I mention Honey? Not yet, not until then.

You said three things so you would know if you had mentioned it. Yeah. Let's talk about New York. You guys are all in New York. What's that? I just said, yeah. I said, I quickly agreed with you. I barely even registered for anybody else.

I might have to make the move. No shit. Really? I'm thinking Hudson Valley. Oh. So that's like, I would see you probably less than when you live in LA. Well, Billy and I, we're devising this plan to get rich fast

and then buy a house in Hudson Valley. Nice. What's your plan to get rich fast? Crypto, swindling, staying humble because people seem to like that in terms of capitalism. How much money do you need saved to buy a house in Hudson Valley? And the thing about being rich,

Marika, actually, is that you don't ask questions about those's what yes you do fortunately for you you're still broke you need me to venmo you five hundred dollars back right if you don't do that i cannot pay rent in the next six days correct okay cool so i have to do that right now i just actually got the chase low balance alert yeah oh my god so sad um where what are your search parameters in HV? Like how high north, how far west, how far east are you going into the Berkshires? Are you going into Northwest Connecticut? Are you going towards Pennsylvania? These are the things I want to know.

I want Woodstock or Hurley because I want that Kingston access. Billy seems to be not only infatuated but obsessed with the idea of Hudson proper. Hudson proper. Very nice. No, that's what I'm saying.

Very nice. Yeah. No, it's tough. I think the from a strictly commute from the city standpoint. Yeah. I think staying east of the Hudson

is actually a pretty smart move. That's what Pyle says. Because then you don't need to worry, yeah, you don't need to worry about going over that GW Bridge. Yeah. It's not where you want to be on a long weekend. That's true.

I just like Woodstock. You know, it has that allure. And you can get to Woodstock easily from Hudson. Yeah, but if people say, where do you live? And I say Woodstock, that can't help but give me some sort of clout and make micah smile like he is right now look at the smile on that guy it's all because i might be in hurley i do like the town name hurley i think high falls is my favorite town really high falls high falls i mean i like hurley because it's right on that lake. Lake Louise.

What is it called? Stone Ridge. Stone Ridge is a good one. Stone Ridge is a great one, too. The lake you're thinking of is the Ashokan Reservoir, I think. That's the one, yeah. High Falls, New York. That's not even near any of these places.

Yes, it is. Stone Ridge. It's near Stone. Oh, yes, it is. Yeah. Yeah, it is. That's a nice spot. That's a nice spot because it's

it's south of the mountains so you'd have to go over the mountains to get where you're going but you can still go into the mountains are you trying to buy acreage

or do you like you're trying to build a house are you you're laughing at Marika for what you're the one that's talking about

all of you guys are entertaining buying a house with your friends I don't have money to do it Billy's the one who has money you're always you're always talking about how you want to buy a house. I want to, sure. Guess how much money I lost on safety.

So now why don't you want to talk about it? Because I don't have a gambling addiction that's going to make me the money. Listen, we need a compound. We need an artist's hideaway where there's basically a main house and a guest squeeze. Did you guys vote for Maya Wiley? I actually didn't vote in the New York election you're a fucking idiot I'm sorry but this is like one of the most important elections in recent New York City City history I know I know I

went I mixed up my polling place I don't think I couldn't vote I think that you're one of those I don't need to participate because guess what the election results don't even affect your ass. That's not true. Really? They affect me greatly. All right. Very good. Very good.

You're politically intact. In tune. Micah, who did you vote for? Am I Wiley? Weirdly, I'm still registered in Connecticut, so I didn't vote in New York. These are wastes. Wastes of votes.

Well, he voted for Governor Ned Lamont in Connecticut, so don't worry about that. All right. Ned Lamont is good. He's good to have. I don't know anything about him or what he stands for, but Marika, who did he vote for and why wasn't it Maya Wiley? He's a Trump Republican. Okay, sorry. Go ahead. No, I did vote for Maya Wiley. Then why didn't you back me up on Tuesday?

We did a bit. I don't know if you guys heard it yet, Hurwitz Squared, but basically I said Maya Wiley for, we endorsed, the company really endorsed her for new york city nice why and i back you up number one because it was too late that was literally the day to vote as i said and two we're a company we can't endorse as amir said candidates but I did vote for Maya Wiley who'd you vote for for Comptroller uh I remember his name same

Billy Brick is staying with me right this week and he made a really funny joke last night he said instead of John Mayer it's John Comptroller and he's just sort of fine at music pretty good it's okay to laugh it's a joke for you.

A hundred percent. I also did laugh. That's good. The shadow bit on your Instagram was funny too. Yeah. Yeah. He's a funny guy. Should I get a tat?

I'm feeling yeeted recently, so I might need to get that commemorated with a tat. You're feeling what? Yeeted. What's yeeted? I think it means like excited. Oh. So what would the tat be to come to commemorate um feeling excited it's like a like a text smiley face right here oh i've seen you

rock that on ig so you would have that and be like what does that mean it's like there was a time in the summer of 2021 where I was yeeted. Feeling yeeted. And I guess I didn't want to forget that feeling. Yeeted. I didn't want to. I wanted to remember that there was a time that I was yeeted and that I could get back to that place of being exceeded. Yeah. And then you could turn that frown upside down is what you would do because you'd have the smiley face as i do that i break my arm oh of course uh micah tell me about your personal life

i don't i don't know a lot about you but you know i know we joke around a lot i know we slack each other often but uh tell me about your personal life that's such a funny question. Tell me about your... You just ask a personal question. You can't... What are you excited about right now? Or should I say heated? Summer in New York. I just moved back to Brooklyn. Okay.

Because I spent a lot of time in Connecticut over quarantine. So I moved back to Brooklyn, moved in with my girlfriend. And I'm excited for summer in Brooklyn. Things opening back back to Brooklyn, moved in with my girlfriend and I'm excited for summer in Brooklyn. Things opening back up. Brooklyn Barge? The Brooklyn Barge closed actually. For good? It's closed. Because I told a lot of people who are visiting New York to go check it out.

There's other bars near there. It is closed. They face. It's actually kind of not. It's sort of desolate. They'll walk back up to Franklin. It'll be okay. Yeah. Yeah. There's Ramona's.

There's three brewing. It's fine. Yeah, they'll have to go back there. But they won't be on the water, which is what they went there for. No, for sure. But then it'll be like a funny memory. And the pink pirate frozen drink. Luckily, none of them have gone.

So thank God. What are the new bars? What are the places that you guys are excited to be at and seen at there's it's a good question where do you what are the bars that we've been going to um iona i mean these aren't new bars they're like bars that we like but iona is this kind of like divy football battery harris i haven't been back to battery harris yet actually i might never go again it's been to the springs the Springs? The Springs. I haven't, but I wanted to for a while. Where's the Springs? I went there recently on the weekend.

There was like no one there. It's on uh Oh my god, what street is that? I guess Berry? I don't know. No, it's in Greenpoint, pretty high up towards the bridge. Oh, gotcha, gotcha. I'm bad at street names. But it's like they have a huge patio

that's has like a little fountain back there and it's like very tropical vibes and a food truck's there that's great that's highly recommend oh there's a new bar right near the office called nicky's unisex and that's a cool spot damn daniel thanks you know what else is by the office that i saw on my bike back from the Brooklyn Navy Yard. A giant nope. I mean it is. It is. There's a giant That's Dawes poster

that we need to go to. I've seen the That's Dawes poster. I've seen it. Yeah. There's one by Vital in the climbing gym too. I want to check out that climbing gym so bad. I'm back at climbing. My finger's better. Is it better? It's good.

Mike actually had a pulley injury. Is yours better too? Yeah. A2. No, it still hurts, but I tape it. Wait, what is that injury? Because I have a finger injury, I think. Yeah.

I've said this A2 pulley injury around a friend of mine who's a doctor, and she told me that's not a real thing. So I think it's just a climbing injury. I think it's like just something climbers talk about maybe. I don't know if like a pulley is an actual part of your hand. I thought it specifically was. It's like the tendon tissues,

like the things that surround your tendon. She might be a bad doctor, but I think it could just be a tendon issue. We call it a pulley. Yeah, because you use your finger to pulley you up. I don't know if we call it a pulley yeah because you use your finger to pulley you up you know okay i don't know because it's a it's like a pulley strain sounds so medical it kind of does but like also you know when you get a blister when you're climbing they call it a it's medical they call it a flapper what is this what is that is that a Jake and Amir? Yeah. Oh my God.

I say it's digital, right? In that voice. Correct. Because I'm talking about Bitcoin. It was something like that. Yeah. Amir's asking me like why it's good and I just start singing it's digital. I thought that was a song parody,

but I've been rewatching them because you guys keep posting them to Instagram and TikTok. Anyway, I truly did not mean to derail at that time. We're talking about something interesting for once. No, yeah.

So your pulley injury is better. It's not 100% but like I'm doing force again. Yeah. Oh, hell yeah. You're on force? Are you taping it up?

Yeah. So I do like an X with the tape. Yeah, that's what you got to do. Yeah, X with the tape and then just kind of wrap it around hither than thither. I love it. It works. I kind of want to tape and then just kind of wrap it around hither than thither. I love it. It works.

I kind of want to tape my fingers just to like look cooler. Like Mamba? At the gym. I felt really cool walking to the gym this morning with tape on my finger. I wasn't there yet. I just had the tape on my finger. I felt awesome. That's cool.

I'm going to tape up my finger before we go out to have a meeting. It's kind of like boxer wraps. Yeah. Yeah. Which always seem very cool. It shows that you know what to do in that way yeah you do you have to come to the gym with us uh when you visit it's it's so sick yeah i think i'm gonna come in like a place that i dreamt into existence truly it's insane it's all

on a roof right have you ever almost fallen off there is there are a couple like there's a top out boulder on the roof that like you you climb over and you just like have a view of the new york city skyline it's incredible but there's like some hairy top outs up there that like feel a little shaky um and then there's like it's twice as big inside downstairs so it's just like really massive it seems like it never ends sabah and i've been going to hollywood boulders more and more. And there's this double dino. And it's just like from start dino, from there dino to the top. It's not even to another hole.

That's awesome. And I did it. Saba was always a good climber. Scraping my hands. You did it though? I did it, yeah. Yeah, Saba's really good. He can do fives.

Wow. Respect. I was doing fives. Does Billy Burke climb? He came with us on Sundayay and he was pretty good yeah he's doing threes um but i was doing fives like three four years ago and then that's when i tore my chest because i got too excited yeeted yeah i was too yeeted on the day yeah what'd you say marika i said awful why don't you add some positivity for once all you ever do on this show is tear me down

maybe try building me up and see what happens you said you tore your chest you said i tore my chest and marika said that sounds awful that's if anything i feel like that's supportive of a friend to say that you only meant well when of course you did what you say that it's all for the you're not gonna sing over this major key alert when you're trying to connect with a new friend I think the best way to do it is

to open up to them I think it was Harry Styles who said that you can be vulnerable only with others who are also vulnerable unto you I like that. He said that. In theory. I don't think Harry Styles said it. Sorry, were we going to discuss it or did you want to say that?

Okay. I was thinking that like just being vulnerable to somebody can actually be a little off-putting. You have to meet them where they are and kind of be vulnerable about something that is like relatable to them. Otherwise, it feels a little bit-putting. You have to meet them where they are and kind of be vulnerable about something that is like relatable to them. Otherwise,

it feels a little bit like you're like dumping on them. Venting, yeah. Yeah. Have you ever vented over a venti? Avanti.

Probably. So it's in Italy. Yeah. Right. You're like, come on. No, but like Billy's been staying with me this week and like we were like

kind of friends before this. Like we would just text each other bits but now we've been like waxing about and life and in general really and now i feel way closer to the guy like he's a little fucker but i love the death yeah sounds like a friendship it really is nice to have that's great we're happy for you yeah this is that's awesome are you and billy the same age what'd you say are you and billy the same age no he's 21 and you're 23 correct wow you guys are gonna really tear shit up this summer 27 28 27 nice how do you feel the youngest i've ever felt in my life no like not physically i mean like hanging out with billy even i was just talking to him about this last night it's the first time i'm not the youngest in the room and that can't help but make me feel some type of way do you feel old or do you still feel young i just answered that

and then you clarified i feel young you gave me a long example and then you said, do I feel young or old? I feel slightly more wise. I don't know, man. Sorry. Wait, hold on. You didn't answer how I wanted you to. He's actually crying. I'm really crying.

You said it in a way that was exasperated, but also you still don't give a shit. You were like... I just answered that. Sorry. Oh, I just cut that out. I wanted to make it seem like we're not having fun. I think it would be fun to do an episode of this show that I don't host.

Who would you want to host? What do you feel is the host's role? To come up with like two segments and to like keep things moving. Got it, got it. But you know who could be good is Mo Welch. Sure. I mean, Mo Welch is awesome.

You said up top that the purpose of the show was to have a company happy hour and talk about the inner workings of HeadGum so it feels like having somebody that doesn't even currently have a HeadGum podcast host would be like

kind of a curveball that the audience would want to hit that's closer you guys come up with something a topic of conversation you want to talk about the f1 thing marika you got jake here sure yeah french grand prix i don't know jake didn't watch that one i read it was kind of boring um today though did you see because it's a practice for the Austrian Grand Prix, Bada spun out in the pit lane. In the pit lane?

Yeah, like was driving away and then his car just turned into McLaren's area. How? Why? They didn't fasten the tire, huh? Was it? That's the tire. T-Y-R-E, of course. T-Y-R-E. When I say the word tire, everyone should know that I'm spelling it. That's the British way? Yeah.

Yeah. Jeff, I just feel like you passed it off, but you could be looking up at the screen, right? Sorry. No, that wasn't an apology. That wasn't an apology that wasn't an apology that was like a I'm sorry you're talking to me yeah

just like a moody little teenager the other sporting event that I'm very into right now is the sorry was that an accident was that water on your soundboard okay the European Cup sorry was that an accident was that water on your soundboard okay yeah um the uh the european

cup the euros the euro the 2020 euros billy might go to the euro final what i don't know why i keep bringing him up i just spent a lot of time with him this week at wembley yeah how i don't know his family's like big into soccer can he bring me he's a fan of jake and amir how cool would it be for fucking billy if i went to the to the footy match with him yeah he likes the series but i'm pretty sure like he was talking to me about can you imagine billy's fucking hero jake from jake well hold on hold on right jake from jake and amir the guy the it's digital bitcoins digital guy what is that right that's the fucking bit that you did

that you love so much that you fucking referenced when you said it's medical you said you were obsessed with it as a tween and I feel like what does that do with Billy going to the fucking Euro final that I'd be on the fucking plane with him he's going with his family he would sit next to me his family doesn't have to go.

He could go with his hero instead of his dad or his brother. I would fly first class. I would be happy to do that. No, I'm saying even if you got to go, you'd be in coach. And it's a small price to pay that I just have to hang out with a super fan for a weekend and I'd get to see the match. He's- Sure, he'd probably like quote videos at me and make me sign stuff and take selfies. No one's ever made you sign anything.

quote videos at me and make me sign stuff and take selfies. No one's ever made you sign anything. All day. But I feel like it'd be worth it because I'd be able to see fucking Ronaldo. That's not even a guarantee that you see Ronaldo. I think. You don't think Portugal is going to be in the goddamn final? Given the option between going with you and not going at all, he'll choose the latter.

So I think I'll cut this. Yeah, really. It's fucked up. Did you sign with **** yet? Did I sign? No, I didn't. I didn't sign with ****. Yes.

WME? You did sign with them. What are you talking about? We're reps. You're aging. Yeah, we have. We've been working with them since. Ferris, cut this out. I knew that you've been working, but I thought they were hip-pocketing you, seeing if you

were a viable candidate for gigs. Yeah. I mean, I guess. I don't. I knew that you'd been working, but I thought they were hip-pocketing you, seeing if you were a viable candidate for gigs. Yeah. I mean, I guess, I don't know. I've never signed anything with an agent or manager. Neither have I. I don't know what it really, what it means to be hip-pocketed versus like, they're your reps. But we, no, I guess we like, we didn't sign anything, but we are officially repped by them.

We also might have signed something. I don't remember. How's the series coming? I don't know if I'm allowed to tell you about it but it's only because I feel like I've heard Amir talk about it

and he's pretty cagey when he talks to you. I don't think there's any reason not to except for the fact that you sometimes say people's addresses and financial information.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It feels weird to share things with you sometimes. We should say Los Angeles, California. Whatever the area code is.

Yeah, that's you nailed it. So that all has to be a plea for force. Selling your house. Any offers yet. Thank you. Let's plea this entire thing. That's doubling your money. Let's plea this. Let's plea this entire thing. That's doubling your money. Let's split this. Let's split this entire thing.

And then, Mike, how much is your rent in Brooklyn? I split it with my girlfriend. All right. Very good. Very good. It's market rate. It's average. It's average.

That's a good place to be. The middle 50%. I've never thought about it like that. What's your rent? 1600 a month? less your portion is 14 my room currently smells like pork because

your boy was porking last night gross I had an al pastor taco that I didn't quite finish and so it's in my trash so i ended up jacking off with it at 2 a.m a taco that you didn't quite finish correct that's absolutely correct you actually nailed it there rika it's so small it's just like a bite it's two bites why couldn't you get through a taco it was a street taco so it would have been like three or four bites look at me like that like I interrupted you

in the middle of a really important thought this show is sponsored by BetterHelp. You know, if you had an extra hour in your day, a lot of people would spend that very differently than the one sitting next to them. Maybe person A would go for a run, person B would take a nap, and patient zero would read a book. The point is, a lot of us spend our time and our lives wishing we had more hours

in the day. And the question is, what is that time for? And if time was unlimited, how would you use it? The best way to squeeze that special thing into your schedule is to know what's important to you and make it a priority thus. Therapy can help you find what matters to you so you can do more of it. I'm in therapy every week and I benefit from it personally as I pursue to better myself and be a better version of myself today than I was yesterday. Yesterday, you said tomorrow, so just therapy. If you're thinking of starting therapy, give BetterHelp a try. It's entirely online, designed to be convenient, flexible, and suited to your schedule.

Just fill out a brief questionnaire to get matched with a licensed therapist and switch therapists at any time for no additional charge. Learn to make time for what makes you happy with BetterHelp. Visit BetterHelp.com slash whatsthat today to get 10% off your first month. Again, that's BetterHelp, H-E-L-P.com slash whatsthat. Thanks, BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com slash whatsthat today to get 10% off your first month. Again, that's betterhelp, H-E-L-P dot com slash whatsthat. Thanks, BetterHelp. Guys, taking care of your health isn't always easy, right? But it should be simple. That's why for the last three years I've been taking AG1, just one scoop and a cup of water mixed around every day, no exceptions. And it helps me feel, you know, energized, focused, ready to take on the day. Like I'm doing one powerfully healthy habit that's also powerfully simple. I know that AG1 gives my

body high quality nutrition because every batch goes through a rigorous testing process so that you know it's safe. And their ingredients are sourced for potency, absorption, and nutrient density, all of which is very important and you don't always get with other leading nutrition brands. I like to drink it first thing in the morning. I'll have a glass of water. I'll have my AG1 and then I'll have my coffee and it gets me set off to take on the day and to be centered and to feel like I did at least one good thing for my health. And if you do that every day, it has compounding effects.

If there's one product I had to recommend to elevate your health, it's AG1. That's why we partnered with them for so long. So if you want to take ownership of your health, start with AG1. Try AG1 and get a free one-year supply of vitamin D3K2 and five free AG1 travel packs with your first purchase exclusively at drinkag1.com slash what's that? Again, that's drinkag1.com slash what's that? Check it out. I guess this is the confessional portion of the evening.

Do you guys have anything that you want to kind of get off your chest? I have something big, but I would save it for the end probably because it might be the last thing i say on a head gum podcast i'm like i don't know don't say it right it's like are you are you afraid that you'll get canceled i'm afraid i'll get fired i have a confession that i felt a little bit bad about right um do you remember that plant that we had at the office marika the the like palm frond that was dying but it was too heavy to take outside so we kind of put it on the roof to see if i put it on the roof to see if it would uh naturally come back to life um but it didn't and then then it turned into winter and the plant really beyond died, you know.

Then it was all like waterlogged and somebody put like beer cans in there. So I had to dump out the water. So we came back to the office to open it up. I dumped the water out. I let it dry a little bit. And then I brought it downstairs to throw it out. And I went to throw it in the dumpster, but the dumpster was full and I couldn't put the plant in there. So I had to leave the plant on the ground next to the dumpster was full and I couldn't put the plant in there. So I had to leave the plant on the ground next to the dumpster.

And I felt like that was just kind of giving somebody else a chore. I don't think you took the water or beer can out of it. I did the beer can, the deer, the beer can wasn't like the beer can, by the way, thanks for your help. I took out the footstool. Yeah. You took out the help. I took out the footstool.

Yeah, you took out the stool. I took out the water. There was still some water in there. Are you kidding me? It wasn't completely empty. If I start a chant, join the chant, right? There's only four of us. He's drinking water.

I look like a fucking idiot. Suddenly, you've looked like an idiot for fucking months on this show. There's nothing sudden about it. It's a slow assassination of your character. Wow. I didn't know you felt that way about me.

You didn't? Micah? Micah, do you have a confession? Maybe you have a confessional for that you go Marika I'll think of one I don't have one I I feel like

I live my life in a pretty upstanding way I think I have a confession that's HeadGum Cash related careful everybody we have a card for the goat show where we like we'll buy the products and then we return them for the most for the most part afterwards as long as they're returnable yeah um i got some stuff on amazon on the goat show credit card and then i

returned it and i accidentally selected to put the amount back into my Amazon balance. So I had like I guess I took like $60 or $70 from AdGun. You're fired. What? You're fired for that.

You think I can't fire you? No. It's the doctor-patient confidentiality. You're not supposed to let this go outside of the podcast. Yeah, it's a fucking bit. Why did you put... You can't just lift the Hippocratic Oath and put it into this show.

You don't just say doctor-patient confidentiality when you confess host-guest confidentiality. I'm bezzling cash. Jeff agrees, and he's the host of the show I think let's get Micah a raise right I think yeah for participating in this he's the only one participating in this entire podcast Marika

is coming at me guns blaring Jake's been texting me stuff throughout the year what's wrong with texting you throughout the year I don't fucking care. Yeah. Jeff, do you know that I asked Jake whose texts make him laugh the hardest?

Who's the funniest texter? Yeah. And he said you. No, he didn't. Yes, he did. Really? That's so nice. That's very kind.

I thought you'd be... Let's see what the last thing that Jake said to me because that's the last thing I would have guessed. The last thing that jake said to me because it's that's the last thing i would have guessed the last thing i sent jake i was at this diner in tahoe called jack's at the tracks i sent him a photo of the or a video of me zooming in on uh the sign that said jack's and i said where's jill with a bunch of crying laughing emojis because she works at jack's media and jake said like i look like that guy because there's one guy when i zoom in that's near the sign and i said jacks and then he didn't

respond i i truly had no idea what that text was i watched the video and i did not see the jacks thing and then when you wrote jacks back i was just like i don't get it i didn't watch the video and I did not see the Jax thing. And then when you wrote Jax back, I was just like, I don't get it. I didn't watch the video again. It's a big ask to, if you text somebody a video, I feel like it's a big ask for me to watch it. That's true. I'll click on a photo, but be like, here's a video I want you to watch. It's like, damn, I barely have time. I saw a guy with long hair, and I was like, maybe... Because the video just said, where's Jill? So it kind of makes sense. Right.

I feel like the joke would have landed better if it were a photo of the sign. But like a video, you're waiting for something to happen in the video to relate to the text. I do think you're a really funny texter, though. That's cool. We have some entertaining... Try telling that to my crush. Who is she? Does Ferris have to cut all this out, Jeff, or do you?

Usually, our workflow is that I do the assembly cut, and then he finishes and mixes and puts all the sax stuff in. The past three weeks, I've asked him if he could take it over because I'm working on this side writing project that I don't seem to have enough time to get to um but i still don't feel like i have enough time so i'm just taking it back on that's the weird thing about time and creative projects it's like there's no amount of time that will feel right you really just it's not the time. Yeah. It's that I hate writing. We got to have something. It's unclear where you're, like, what you're coming out.

I don't know if we just need to fully move on. We should move on fully, but I'm saying that we need to have one piece of juicy, either a segment or, like, some kind of goss that makes it worthwhile for the listeners' ears. Because so far i didn't prepare anything for this shit and it comes through all right you want to play let's play a game we actually played this on the goat show let's do it this past week um it's the diving board game um so you remember when you were a kid if you went if you swam in a pool you would do that game where you jumped on the you bounced on the diving board somebody would yell out category yeah like um okay yeah uh pizza toppings you bounce you need to say pepperoni or something before you hit the water yeah um so that's that's the game that's the

game we're playing first person to five points wins how do you you, what are the points? Or should we do three? Because there's no water. Mike is going to, Mike has a timer for, I'm going to do a timer for two seconds and then maybe Ferris, he would be kind enough to add a little, a bouncy diving board sound

and then a splash sound after the two seconds. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or not. And it's a small splash for a right answer and a belly flop splash for no answer.

Yeah, okay. Like a very graceful dive for a right answer and we can go are we all competing against each other or yeah like at the same time we're like i'll be so how about we'll do it like this just in order of this zoom um jeff is with the lag it might be tough so maybe we should do three i'm going to just ask you a question Jeff for us the lag should be the same yeah I guess you're right that'll be fine Jeff

you're on the diving board I'm next after you jump I'll go on Marika you can ask me and so on and so forth and let's play to three points five points seems like it'll take a long yeah you're right you're going to say it for Jeff yeah Jeff is on the diving board okay ready Three points. Five points seems like it'll take a long time. Yeah, you're right. Right. You're going you're going to say it for Jeff.

Yeah. Jeff is on the diving board. All right. OK. Ready? Yep. Three, two, one. Types of cars.

Mustang. You didn't get it. I don't think. What? With the lag, it really sounded to me. It sounded like he did. I said it and then I watched the orange thing go around, and then it beeped, and then you said I didn't get it. Wow.

All right. All right, sorry, you got it. You got it. Jeff got it. All right. This is the time. Marika, you shout out a category for this guy. Oh, okay.

Oh, yeah, Marika. So say three, two, one. I'll press the button, and then you say the thing. You should press the timer as soon as you hear the end of Marika's question. But when you play the game, you're supposed to be in the air when you get the clue. Oh, you're right.

Okay. Yeah, you're right. Sorry. Excuse me. All right. All right. Three, two, one, board game. Clue.

Nice. Nice. All right, Micah. You're doing me? Or Marika? So I'm guessing? micah you're doing me or marika so i'm guessing yeah i'm saying the thing yeah micah will give marika the category oh god three two one new york restaurant ramones that's a bar wow they don't have it is more of a bar nuts it's a cocktail bar it's a cocktail bar all right so jeff and i have one marika they were working as a waiter in a cocktail bar and they have not gone yet i'm gone yet um jeff you're gonna give Micah I got it yeah you give Micah's category do you wanna 3 2 1

washed kings what like LeBron hashtag washed king what are you talking about it has to be like people that are washed. Is that like a Twitter trend? Let's go again.

Let's do another one. All right. Okay. Three, two, one. Legal names of your sexual partners. My kid doesn't get one. You were set up to fail. It's fine.

Yeah. All right. Okay. Ready, Jeff? Yep. like it doesn't get one you were set up to fail it's fine okay ready Jeff? 3, 2, 1 stores at the mall Best Buy it could be at a mall that's iffy it is kind of iffy really

they would be in the mall complex yeah we were looking for hot topic we were looking for packs an fye a sony store I can take the lead right now with Marika's topic

alright am I oh I'm going yes you say 3 2 1 and then i started uh three two one michael cera movie oh fucking juno wow got it yeah yeah yeah i can't believe you had enough time to say wow fucking and then yeah well you gave him eight seconds on that round for some reason yeah edit it so it sounds like I have a minute I got fucking air

off that board all right so now um Micah gives Marika was that what it was yeah yeah okay well we should switch it up I can give Marika's I don't think I want that because i'm already down one right so doesn't bode well for me okay i'm gonna i'll i'm gonna give marika one okay three two one show on hulu uh penis 15 is 15. Fuck.

Oh my god. I think that's my favorite moment of the Headcumbe podcast ever. We have to end it here. Marika wins. We'll see you guys again next week. Thanks so much for listening to this episode of the Headcum podcast. Until then, you can follow me on Instagram, at Jeffrey James, on Twitter, at JeffYRD.

Plugs, you guys have anything? Follow Marika on anything follow follow Marika on twitter yeah that's my plug too well now I look like an asshole don't follow me follow Marika at Marika Alon across platforms we'll see you guys again next week

and then I guess that's Daz folks oh god I guess that's Daz, folks. Oh, God. That was a Hiddem original.