The Headgum Podcast - 59: Spill the Tea (w/ Zach Kornfeld!)

Episode Date: July 16, 2021

Zach Kornfeld (The Try Guys) joins Amir, Marika, and Geoff to discuss Jovenel Moise, Zadiko Tea, and Leith!BUY THE HEADGUM PODCAST MERCH!Advertise on The Headgum Podcast via Gumball.fmRate The Headgum Podcast 5-stars on Apple Podcasts.Join the Headgum Discord.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Original. Previously on the HeadGum Podcast. I was work- shit. I was working on my ass late one night When my eyes beheld a really good sight For my ass had hit a better curve to that slat ass and then to me to my surprise he did the ass he had that big fat ass that big fat ass it was a graveyard ass he had that ass it caught on with an ass, he did that ass. He did the monshi ass, why, from my laboratory in the castle east.

I had a big fat ass. The ghouls all came from their humble abodes to get a sight of my mound. He did that ass. He had that fat ass, that massive ass. It was a graveyard ass, he did that ass. It caught on with my ass,, that massive ass. It was a graveyard ass. He did that ass. It caught on with my ass. He did that ass.

It was Monchi's ass. That's the part I don't get. Yeah, okay. What's that? That's the part I don't get. That it was Monchi's ass? Yeah, I thought it was your ass. I was singing it from your perspective.

Also, I'm your left, for sure. Right at the beginning. So you didn't even hear the, um, he did that ass part. Yeah, he definitely, yeah, he left before that and with a good reason, I think. Okay, I get that. Please Please welcome to the show, as per usual, of BuzzFeed, of Try Guys, of Internet fame, 31-year-old Zach Kornfield. Thank you so much. So happy to be here.

It's actually Kornfeld. Really? There's no I in my last name it's like my last name that makes no sense just need to get that out clearly i thought you came from corn money we don't talk about the the corn history of my family okay we rebranded move down to scarsdale where the hell is that hey cornfield did some research someone read the blurb on our wikipedia let's talk about it where even is that scarsdale what's that the the the suburb that i grew up in is that westchester or is that duchess westchester new New York. Hell yeah. Represent Westchester in the house.

You are going to destroy my ears with this music. Rika Brownlee on the sax. Amir Blumenfeld is also here. Zax, thanks so much for doing the show. So happy to be here. Always great to be back with friends, new and old. Yeah, so you know Amir. Yeah.

Hey, Amir. What up, dude? Hey, how's it going? You know, pretty good, you know. Despite yeah hey amir what up dude hey how's it going you know uh pretty good you know it's uh despite the whatever yeah yeah life's okay yeah you know why it would be not okay we all went through it and now we're here and life's great a little better yeah for sure a little better a little uh a little bit more hardened a little seasoned i can't help but feel like i can weather anything if we go back to another lockdown i mean i'll probably have a

i'll probably have a nervous breakdown but i'll still get through it why nervous good energy man marika let's talk about you for a second why zach marika works at head gum she is kind of a jill of all trades in a certain way uh what doesn't she do nice is that a question for me yeah what don't you do because i yeah i don't know how to answer you list three things you don't do that's really good um okay okay i i don't she does it all podcasts anymore that's good that's good anymore i yeah you didn't do it but you don't do it currently yep i don't sell podcast ads anymore oh that's like a recent development no yeah like the last year i'd say um thank you

uh and sorry word of the week zach said it earlier actually. This is delayed. Kornfeld. Zach, what's your memo? Because that's $1,000. You got the word of the week. Oh, shit. Awesome. Do not send him $1,000. Because he can't send it back. Keep going, but I need to find his. I could send it back. I won't. Third thing that I don't do. I. Yeah, that's me. There's three options. Oh my god.

The one without the numbers. Jesus. That's what a risky move you're doing right now. Yeah. Just like, Hey, which of these three people should I send a thousand dollars to two of which it'll never come back to me. You're playing Russian roulette with G.

You know, every now and then we have fans send us Venmo and if it's under a dollar, I'll keep it. Yeah. Yeah. It's not worth your time. It's like how Bill Gates yeah yeah it's not worth your time it's like how bill gates does it's not worth his time to pick up a hundred dollars i just got a thousand dollars awesome jesus christ marika do you want some money do i want some of the money yeah yeah i'll take

some okay how much do you think you deserve? Well, she does it all. Well, actually, she doesn't sell podcast ads. She doesn't even edit podcasts. Maybe just $30. Yeah, $30. Just $30? There's going to be more opportunities to win money on this.

This is good that way. I mean, listen, I'll take that. Let's just spread the money around so Jeff can never get it back. Like Zach, you should just like. That brings us to the first major key alert of the day. There's actually going to be three. The first one is share the wealth right if you come into a certain amount of cash you can't help but give back zach has been a a staple of the internet since what 2010 marika did you um receive a payment from hannah i did yes okay this is you that was a good uh yeah good test yeah verify your identity

i'm so excited and i do see i was talking i do see the word of the week jeff did you ask me a question because i full-on was not paying attention no i was just saying that you've been a staple of the internet since like the early 2010s right 2010 so you did ask him a question don't say no and then ask him a question he said you asked me a question he said no I was just wondering if the I guess when I don't know life's so blurry um I want to say that I started making videos for the internet around 2014 oh 2015 2016 and I I don't know what what point i became a staple but i i got on there i think i think it's seven years of doing videos at this point damn wow which is weird that flies by though seven years is not that long like it isn't it sure does it's just long enough where

i'm now nostalgic about some of the things right and that's that's a new feeling for me i mean i i'm sure this happens has happened to you amir where i've been out at bars with people where i'm like we're peers we're the same and then they're like man it's crazy because like i grew up watching you and i'm like no fuck you no you didn't that's not possible because i'm growing up you can't you need to take that. You need to shut up. You can't grow up too. Jeff was in high school when you started seven years ago. Jeff was like.

Yeah, I hate that. I don't like that. 16 years old. Yeah. But that makes sense to me. I was older than that. But yeah. Yeah.

If you finished going through puberty and lost your virginity while you were watching me, then yeah, you grew up watching me. I get that. Yeah. Hopefully you were watching me during making videos 2015 were you watching a video of mine when that went down i did before just to get myself ready um that makes sense but yeah we i think we ran into you guys when we were at uh two bit circus once oh shit yeah um the head gum office walked over there of the arcade and uh somebody said

those are the Try Guys. And then Amir went over and said hi, but I don't know you guys. So I didn't say hi. I was definitely stoned. That's cool. So I definitely do not remember that very well. But I remember playing some Beat Saber. Beat Saber.

Yeah. So good. Did you do the VR maze? No, but there was this one game that was like four people playing a full on like we were in a war zone shooting and you were ducking and diving. And it was the most exhilarating thing I've ever done. Yeah. Wow. I just started playing Beat Saber again. I like stopped for a good six months, I think, and then finally started again.

months I think and then finally started again I feel like because there's like a tiktok going around where it's this extremely fast song that seems to be a trend so now my goal is to be able to do that one but it's a lot harder to jump back into than I expected yeah are you still playing animal crossing no I haven't played that one in a while that one was a big hit that one was a real hit yeah I feel like i stopped earlier than everyone else like i gave up before i got my island to five stars and i was like whatever man it's never gonna be perfect it was cool yeah um i just gave up on myself marika i'm sorry to interrupt uh you talking about this fucking handheld game or whatever but there's actually real shit going on in the world right you didn't interrupt you waited until she finished my question for the room uh is do we

think america had a hand in killing jovenel moise what the hell are you talking about two americans arrested in the the plot to murder the president of Haiti. The prime minister, rather. Sorry, Zach. You should be apologizing to everyone, not just Zach. Political upheaval, obviously. He skidded a lighthearted conversation about video games to a halt to talk about a conspiracy theory, I guess, about America assassinating a former...

Is it a conspiracy? Because the U.S. Jeff, how high up do you think it goes? Well, here's the thing, right? Because these were paid mercenaries. Yeah, these were hitmen.

These were con men, but that was obviously in their free time. You suggesting this is private equity or does it go all the way to the top? The question is,

who's the financier? Yeah, I don't really play Mario Kart anymore either for whatever reason. I'm just sort of waiting for MK9. You really did that every week, too.

The argument that the U.S. government had nothing to do with it would be that Biden is a little bit lenient towards Moise, or was, we should say. Amir, you had some good Mario Kart highlight clips.

Yeah, thank you. Yeah, there was a time where I was like really into it. It's just that Haiti is the western country, and it has like a painful history of, you know, Mario Kart highlight clips. Yeah, thank you. Yeah, there was a time where I was like really into it. It's just that Haiti is the western country. But there's like only so many. And it has like a painful history of, you know, foreign interventions. Who was the last person to win your big Mario Kart tournament?

Was it you? No, it was Blair, a.k.a. Skeeky. He sort of dominated the last season. Skeeky, do you love me? That's me trying to be. Like, it's hard to force it, because from 1915 to 1934, the U.S. was occupying

Haiti in a certain way to, like, maintain order. Did you race as Luigi? I'm trying to remember who it was. I was... Yeah, no, I started as Yoshi, and then I shifted to Waluigi. And I thought it made a difference, but I guess they're the same body build in terms of the physics of the game.

No kidding. Any advantage was just... But others would just say it's the end of his presidential term, right? No, I need the full cart. The motorcycles are a little too severe. Strong turns for my liking. Yeah, I definitely agree. I'm on the comment.

And much like the world's greatest questions questions this one must go unanswered Zach how have you been since the world started reopening better better I would say it's uh I forgot how much I miss things have you guys felt um I've had moments where I was

weirded out for not being more weirded out yeah I went to a crowded restaurant and I'm like that why why am I not shocked to my core yeah and feeling bad that I'm just like all right well we're gonna pretend that didn't happen and just go back to living yeah I feel like there are a lot

of things that mid pandemic I was like I don't know when I'm gonna go to a movie theater again like I don't know I'm gonna be comfortable doing that and I've gone to the movies now multiple times and i'm just like i guess this is okay but as we get i guess as we get further away the pandemic feels like it was like a four to six month thing we don't realize that it's actually like an 18 month yeah crazy period of time that lasted a lot longer than i remember what's the uh the thing that is surprisingly uh lingered with you for me

it's i forget how to wear shoes i've gone full socks and sandals yeah i saw you eating a boot it was verner herzog style this is a big influence of mine yeah i'm what do you mean i'm using my way back into jeans so i'll still wear sweats and then shorts what do you mean you forgot how to wear shoes like you don't know how to match shoes with a certain outfit? Or you forgot how to literally physically wear them? Full on muted, Amir. That's cold-blooded. No, full on forgot.

I start screaming when I see shoes and I thought that laces were spaghetti. It got really dark there. What are you rocking today? Let's see. I remembered. I'm wearing shoes. Nice. Oh, those are nice. They're very soft on the bottom.

They're the Adidas ZX Boost 1s. They were on sale. I love a good sale. Nice. Hey, welcome back, Amir. Jeans, Amir? Right, I was saying that they still feel very restrictive to me. I went straight into shorts, so I haven't really had to deal with jeans.

Nor will I, probably, for another few months, it seems. That's also mine. I feel like I was an all-time jean wearer like every day. Now I'm just only wearing shorts and like bike shorts. I got really into bike shorts during the pandemic. We have to move on. Have you guys, so you guys do try guys. Me?

No. Zach does though. Zach does. Where you guys try stuff. I would love to have you, if you want to try anything i mean i brought some pitches and i'd love to get your thoughts oh this is great okay good i'm out of ideas fully okay like whatever video comes out today is probably the last one i'm willing to make okay so wow this is this is great i need more so this is going to be the not only like this is like the series finale if you do you come back for one and this is going to be the, not only, like this is like the series finale. If you do, you come back for one and this is.

Well, right now, yeah, it's going to be a very anticlimactic season finale. So I'm hoping you could give us some extra juice. I mean, knowing this is the last one, I don't know if any of these are going to be good. Fentanyl. Yeah. That's kind of like a B-plot for some videos secretly. You've been high for every try you've ever had. Nice.

Eating ass. Jesus. What do you mean Jesus? A common topic on our podcast. Yeah. We were just commenting that your guys' show is like this show, but if it was on the rails. Wow, what a compliment,

because we feel like we're barely teetering on them. That's the sweet spot, I think. It's the sweet spot. Marika said your show is what she wanted the show to be, and it isn't. Geoffrey, do you consider yourself an ass eater? Is that why? Do I consider myself one?

That is your Tinder bio, right? I consider myself something of a, well, ass eater. Holding a brandy snifter, whatever they're called. Such a funny way to phrase that question. What's the matter? You can't take it, Geoff?

You can only dish it out? I've eaten ass. Have you guys not? Have you received... What kind of reviews did you receive? Oh, Rave. That's good. And it was at a Rave. Now, I've been told

that once you do that, you can't kind of go back to the classic because of... You don't want cross-contamination. Sure. Every time, any time. What anytime what's that just can't return mouthwash and then you should be fine once you go ass you never go bass

so that's when you're eating that's when you're eating Lance Bass's ass what about having Devin Scott for an assistant who's that that's my agent's assistant Devin Scott okay so assistant. Who's that? That's my agent's assistant. Devin Scott.

Okay. So what if he works for the, well, for lack of a better term, Try Guys. That would be a pretty boring episode, don't you think? They just get an assistant. How long does that one last? What do you imagine going?

Yeah, maybe, can you give me like beat by beat? Let's break this video down. So like you guys get an email and then we hear your guys like your thoughts on the experience of him sort of facilitating a general nice what about all cork everything for a month cork clothes i'm i'm yeah not against i want i would like to see that also it's breakfast lunch and dinner cork oh wow you're eating cork in a way it's gonna wreck my insides oh and this is 30 wood isn't cork a type of wood is that yeah what is cork miles can we get a number crunch on

cork yeah is it mostly wood is it half wood half like rubber is it some sort of completely synthetic something else entirely i think it's a different i think it's something else it's the outer bark of a cork a cork tree oh it's a specific tree and that cork tree is only found in cork ireland everything else is considered just a soft wood cylinder. So it's not legally cork unless you cork it in cork. And I urge you to cork it. Moving on. That's quite enough asked and answered. You made a mockery of yourself.

Zach entertained you. Okay. Let's go to the next little segment. What about all foil everything for a month? And this is in foil Ireland. I'm not sure if I'm supposed to answer or not alright we'll move on what about dating a Rob so either

Anna Sophia or like the report Rob Anna Sophia or the report Anna Sophia Rob Rob report either one you're basically going steady also like the worst examples of Rob eating a raw Robert Pattinson

is quite talented yeah well you could you could try because dating anyone is just trying we're all in long-term committed relationships but I'm not against threatening that for content yeah for the sake of the video especially if it's the last one what about going to Oxford

so we are still doing this then okay jeff is only a third of the way done with his list that one might just be boring yeah they're all like to go back to school one of them is to just eat cork of course that one is boring the other one is to have a new assistant. These are all bad. What do you want him to say, man? Fine, let's up the ante. What about suing a veteran? Okay. What did they do to me? They did hit you with their car. If I get to be the lawyer,

I think that a court video could be good. Yeah, I think you found one. Where's the sound effect? I'm catching on. I know how this show works we have three more let's lightning round you say yes or no yeah eating a manifesto eating or reading eating you tried to help you out and you wouldn't take it he was basically nudging you towards a good suggestion you were like nope I'm gonna say no being a slut oh yeah

yeah miles what what about buying a museum oh yeah yeah I think so I actually think that of all those that is some that is a video that I could see on YouTube someone making

I bought a $40,000 museum in blank place I think that could work that is a video that i could see on youtube someone making i bought a forty thousand dollar museum in blank place i think that could work that's a video hell yeah you did it we finally got welcome to spill the tea sponsored by baziko fuck me zadiko tea zadiko really uh zadiko he said before the show do you have any questions for me he asked you do you have any questions for me you said no let's just get right into it you mispronounced his last name instantly and now it's time to plug the tea also said incorrectly let's get it again this was me

trying to sell some tea I'm trying to peddle for lack of a better term herbs in a bag for cash spill the tea have you guys played spilled the tea this one's actually just for Zach but no no this is a first for me I've never even heard the phrase I'm very excited this is like spilling the tea this one's actually just for zach but no no okay this is a first for me i've never even

heard the phrase i'm very excited this is like spilling the tea like spewing hot goss uh in a certain way so i'm gonna ask you highly personal questions and okay cool every question you answer i will buy a bag of zatico tea and just to be clear, you did send him $1,000 earlier. And now you're going to purchase more tea. I do have $30. I did get the $30 for being a Jill of all trades, which thank you so much. Did you see, by the way, the look on his face when he pronounced it Zadiko? He looked so

pained and disgusted. Like, I would dare to call it that. There's a deep hatred of the name of the tea company i was so on board for zadiko yeah bummer all right so are you on board yeah it sounds like a great game i um i'm thinking about you know uh shutting down the company so i gotta sell off all these bags it's a fire sale okay yeah so i'm hoping i can offload them onto you you don't have to answer any of these

but for everyone you do i'm out of my personal pocketbook, we'll buy Zadok OT. Again, you looked so disgusted when you said that. It's like unbelievable how upset you are. Number of sexual partners in your life. Ooh, okay. I can figure this out. We're talking full penetration or?

Yeah, just to make it easy. Okay. Zach is the first guest that leans into how uncomfortable you make them throwing it back at you he will yell his own address at you later well sex is a construct right like you know cunnilingus is sex it's um yeah you know i i i would argue a wonderful dinner is is sex of sort depends on what you eat i guess i would argue a wonderful dinner is sex in and of itself so that being said i've had sex a thousand times i'm a pharaoh i have not had many sexual partners

um i'm trying to do the t we'll we'll bleep that out but that's one bag that's absolutely one bag and to be clear it's one bag not the bundle where you get two for one it's all gonna be individual bags so that it's more expensive uh what flavor are you going with i haven't done any research shy I haven't done any research. Shy haven't done any research. And they don't have shy. Who did you vote for in the Democratic primaries in 2016? In 2016?

Why are you assuming it was a Democratic primary? You don't know how it's registered. Wasn't 2016, was Obama up for re-election? No, it was Bernie or Hillary, basically. Oh, then it was Bernie. Hell yeah. Net worth, to the best of your knowledge. How do you calculate that?

I don't actually know what that is, because there are articles online that have the Try Guys net worth, and what's so funny about that is that they have like, like I'm net is worth four million or something. I'm worth one million. And then for whatever reason,

Keith is worth one hundred and seventy four thousand dollars. It's not even worth listening. He's worth nothing. For me to buy the bag on this one, I'm going to need you to open your banking app and tell me the exact amount in your checking. one, I'm going to need you to open your banking app and tell me the exact amount in your checking.

Well, I just bought a house, so you have to add the value of my house. The checking account is not your net worth by any means. Yeah, but he probably has at least six figures in his checking account, so I'd love to hear the exact number. Why do you think he has six figures in his checking account? That would be a waste of money.

Well, if he just bought a house, maybe not, honestly. Yeah, you need some help, I think. There is a thing called a PAL loan where you can take money out but leave it in the stock market. That's nice. And so I have been taking loans out so I can pay for the work on my house.

So it is possible. Daniel, back at it again with the white man. I didn't know that that's impressive I'm just gonna go ahead and estimate that my net worth is uh uh

and again you don't have to answer no I'm gonna answer all of these things I'm gonna take the value of my house if you were to liquidate it which I did not pay for all at once and my assumed savings. Correct. And I will say my net worth.

Well, but also the value of the company that I co-own. Correct. Is certainly far more. It's got to be $8 million. Oh, you think that much? I don't know. What part of town do you live in? You don't know.

You obviously don't know. So don't throw out a figure like you do it's gotta be what yes like somewhere between that was before i considered try guys unbelievable that's like if you melted me down right into a you'd have to liquidate a coin yeah if you liquidated me then I'm sure you could squeeze that money out of all the orifices that's unbelievable full address by the way we're gonna give you that one

California I knew that it was gonna be and you wanna know why I'm a new resident well because I want I want my money to get me a house that's more than a closet. No, because your guys' studio's in ****. So it has to be close and **** nice.

You're going to bleep that out as well, right? Yes. Okay. All right. So far, four bags of tea. Here we go. How much do you weigh? I'm trying to...

You know what? I can tell you exactly how much I weigh. This is the one who refuses to answer. I'm trying to, you know what? I can tell you exactly how much I weigh. This is the one who refuses to answer. I'm trying to put on weight. So I have been actually like trying to track my weight and it has been very hard for me to put on weight because I have a frail body and a disease. I weigh, as of June 4th,th 2021 i weighed 134.9 pounds that's how much uh jim

morrison weighed when he did his lizard king photo shoot so you must be very svelte uh are you currently depressed and if so why aren't you doing anything about it jesus christ man i break you can't be this invasive this i don't know i love this are you not entertained by it i won't answer if it's not i'm having a great time he's having a great time you're the one who's having an issue with it you're bringing us all down i'm so sorry if the audience doesn't want to hear about my depression that's fine you know i would love to talk about it it means a lot to me let's hear yeah if only if you're comfortable i just didn't want because jeff's been sort of throwing some really like the the top four things you're not supposed to ask about back to back to back in exchange for talking yeah let's hear had jeff done his research he would know that i actually was uh clinically depressed

with or clinically diagnosed with depression um at a very age, like age 8, 9, 10. I was going to therapy. Some pretty dark times in my life. Wrote about it extensively in our book. Was medicated for many years. Had OCD in my childhood. Was medicated for that as well. I would say as of late, I have felt myself slipping back into depression. I don't currently have a therapist and it's something that I beat myself up over. You know, it's hard to make time for and prioritize yourself. The disease that I have certainly weighs on me heavily and has made it hard to balance the things I want to do with the limited energy I have.

And I'm the kind of person that has always had my self-worth related directly to my creative output. And it's been hard to to feel like i'm i'm worthy and valid and so the specter of depression has risen again um but i'm doing okay i'll do the bundle just a buzzing noise that's actually that doesn't count for tea major key alert uh if you're not doing well uh

reach out to a friend alright here we go um thank you for that earnest plug so flip how much was your fiance's

engagement ring oh my god congratulations by the way on your upcoming nuptials thank you jesus fucking christ it was fucking expensive

it's supposed to be what half a year's salary? Yeah, I did not do that. Or half a month? It was certainly, it probably was north of fucking stupid purchase. But they offered me,

like the company offered me a deal if I made my engagement a branded post. And that, I was like, no, guys. That's so funny. I'm not that soulless but I will tell a basic stranger how much it costs for him to buy a bag of tea

you're selling out in all the wrong ways do you think people with plastic surgery should be deported no not deported I think that's extreme you're at 8 bags of tea do you think private property is ethical Deported. No, not deported. I think that's extreme. You're at eight bags of tea. Here we go.

Do you think private property is ethical? That's a good question. You know, if you really break it down, probably not. Just because it was all stolen land, sold and resold over time. Yeah. You own part of Tongvin land. But also, like, you know, it is is what it is you have to survive within capitalism yeah i don't think it's inherently uh unethical however i do think that people who buy a lot of real estate or at least the laws that allow people to buy a lot

of real estate and then drive up the value while we have so many homeless people uh or people without is that what you say? No, not homeless. Some people say unhoused, unhoused people. Thank you. I think that is inherently unethical and also a choice of our failed system. How big is your dick? I,

are you talking flaccid or erect? You can choose either. Like you could say six inches in that. Did you know zach was this candid or like is this just this weird cosmic thing that brought everybody together like here's what happened do you pride yourself on being this candid or are you opening up to jeff for the sake of comedy like what a weird perfect match this is so is this not common i thought this was just what was expected most people wouldn't answer these.

Yeah. Most people skirt around it all. I really do feel like I've met my match here, my comedic soulmate in a way. I'm so excited to go on your guys' show. Okay, so there's a thing amongst our audience. We take our pants off a lot. Yeah.

I have been seen in various forms of underwear. The audience thinks that my dick is a lot bigger than it is i would say i have a penis i believe it's around the again thing inch we can when erect yeah of course uh the real question i would say is how girthy is your penis i don't think we talk about that enough i don't have the measurement for that i think it's a i think it's a good girth well and again i would say mine is um there's nothing special about it i might bleep out that nor the way that i'm even if it were better i i would say i'm not someone who can use it to much effect so you can't say that you're a millionaire yeah which is why i don't have to do anything with it alright you're engaged but was there

someone along the way who was the one who got away oh yeah do you love your mom or your dad more keep in mind this is for getting rid of tea that you don't want to make anymore yeah it's probably mom historically Jeff did you write all of these questions

or are you reading a list on the internet he just can't believe I'm answering so he's just adding more off the top of his dome he's rummaging through his back brain oh my god he has a whole document Jesus Christ what's the best race to be

you were gonna say irish well you really want to break it down like that i would say historically you would get the most benefits from being white all right uh this is at one two three four five six seven eight nine ten eleven twelve thirteen fourteen bags of tea what's something about miles that rubs you the wrong way and i didn't i'm gonna go on record saying i didn't think miles was gonna be here for this miles we should say is zach's producer right yeah yeah our try guys uh dp uh yeah former dp used to used to film all our videos i'm looking at him now because there's just things that i could choose from i would say i don't love the way that he has dress socks bunched down over

Nike Air Force Ones. I would say that's not a good look and not something I want to see in my office. Is your fiance the best sexual partner you've ever had? Yeah. Baller. But that's mostly on me. Takes two

to tango. Who's the most famous person in your context oh uh that's fun maybe because she she had a tv show i love her i'm single by the way like if you want to give me She's also gay. I didn't know that. I mean, Eugene's more famous than me, so maybe he's the answer. The guy I make videos with. For those who don't know or care who I am who are listening to the show. I'm still looking, but I think that's probably the best answer. We have to move on. Wow.

How many bags was that? That was 15 bags of tea. I did good, guys. That was... How many? I think he said 15. Amir, you know, friend to friend real quick. Am I expected to return the Venmo?

I don't know. Or is that my appearance fee? What's the protocol here? It seems like it's totally up to you. Some people do return it. I think Jeff can't afford you keeping it, but that's totally up to you. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp.

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What dance is that, Amir? what dance is that amir it was kind of like the soldier boy one but also the carlton rolled into one if fresh prints were made in 2016 welcome to keith or leaf have you guys ever played Keith or Leaf? Obviously no. It's a game you just invented. I have a hunch. Leaf is a, what, 80s rock singer? Leith Erickson?

And then Keith Habersberger, who I make videos with? Keith Habersberger is right. Leith is not an 80s rock star. Leith is a dockside wharf neighborhood in Edinburgh. So just I want to guess how this came about. You thought of words that rhymed with Keith that were not real words. And then you Googled words until you found something. How many did you go through before you found Leith?

Zach, I wish it was what you found something. How many did you go through before you found Leith? Zach, I wish it was what you just said. I immediately knew I wanted to do this game before I outlined anything in this episode. So a couple years ago, I did like a post-grad trip to Ireland, Scotland, and Amsterdam. Specifically to Leith. Specifically, we spent a lot of time in Leith. Oh, Leith and Leith, yeah.

I'm kidding. Let's fucking get to the game, man. Is it a guy or a fucking weird-ass city? 12 little things. They're all so obvious. Nobody feels comfortable answering except for me. You Venmo me 60 bucks and I return it. Did I get it right?

This is $10 for every right answer. $10 owed to me for every wrong answer. Here we go. Blank is the youngest of three children. Keith. That's actually Leith because Leith is sort of the child of not only Edinburgh, but the docks. And so the fact that Keith is the youngest of three children is irrelevant

here. Is Habersberger the youngest of three? He sure is. Wow. So am I, by the way. Oh, that's cool. At least you give me partial credit for saying the other correct one. Keith was the youngest of three. So that's not wrong. Then nobody owes me anything.

Blank is a meeting place of the minds. Hmm. I would say that Keith is kind of the linchpin between us try guys so yeah that that totally checks absolutely right that's $10 to Zach because he's sort of the nucleus of the try guys yeah yeah yeah

yeah and you're the wild card the stallion oh yeah yeah Wow and miles is the brainchild or the brain mild I should say and I'm forgetting the the fourth guy's name Blank has been around since 1987 it's Keith

and it's not Leif so don't say wrong Leif has technically really arrived since 1987. Keith has been around since then as well as centuries beforehand. Yes and that is when Keith was born, though. Most of the people in blank approve of the abdication

of Mary Queen of Scots of 1567. There's no way that's Keith. That's absolutely correct. There's no fucking way. I will get him in here right now. He is in the other room, and I will ask him if that's true. Can we fact check this? I want to know anybody who's either fingered or pegged Keith

if they approve retroactively Monday morning quarterbacking the abdication of Mary Queen of Scots. Okay. Yeah. No. Jeff's right on this one. Oh my god. Blank approves. Keith had a wild summer abroad in Leith. Blank approves

of the Leith Festival taking place every year. Leith. taking place every year Leith Neither Both of those are incorrect I mean I don't see why Keith would have an issue with it Amir is locked off He's done

Blank is 92.1% White Which again we have Zach on record Saying is the best race to be. I don't like that. Don't like that. Leith. I would have also taken Keith, but yes.

Amir is full gone. Martin Melvin Cruikshank lived in blank. Leith. Correct. So he was a famous Scottish surgeon Helen Crummy lived in blank

in Keith's heart I'm gonna give you that one I'm gonna give you that one the correct answer was as opposed to what's that nevermind she lived in Leith

she was the founder of the Craig Miller Festival Society which was like again Amir is fully left and has no signs of returning. I don't know what he could possibly be doing. This is the only thing he had to do today.

Handyside Edgar lived in blank. Is that like a dude that lived on Keith's couch? He was a Scottish physician who lived in Leith, but also I would have taken, as you said, Keith's heart. Real quick, Jeff. Yeah, sorry. I have a coming here. I have Keith here.

I called him in so he could fact check some of this real quick. Yeah. What am I checking? If you just want to ask again, the one that was a mirror was unhappy with. Keith, would you say that most of the people who have been inside of you, for lack of a better term, would approve of the abdication of Mary's Queen of Scots? Yeah.

Wow. Yeah. So is the right answer. Okay. Yeah. No, my apologies, Jeff. Keith, have you ever been to Leith? I've never been to what?

Leith? Leith. Where's Leith? Thanks so much for coming. Yeah. Sorry. I feel bad. but thanks for having me oh he's back should i go yeah no stick around he's already off the headphones unfortunately

and where you've got a smoothie oh wow it's a puppy probiotic so amir you uh welcome back it did turn out that um uh he was right about the people inside of Keith. So we can confirm that. We also talked about how Handyside Edgar lived in not only Leith, but the heart of Keith. That was okay to miss. You didn't have to recap that. Plugs. Zach, what do you have going on?

Point the people to the floor is yours. Go. Social media, projects, anything. Oh, the show's over yeah you answered you did you i feel like i saw somebody beat the final boss of a video game like yeah personal questions were coming from all sides and you were just like deflecting bringing him back to jeff it was really impressive i would really love so i i'm at corn diddy on all the things i would love to know with a k if if anyone actually

and it's zatico zatico.com thank you i would love to know if anyone listened to this and said yeah i want more of this guy so so please let me know that but i have a show called guilty pleasures it's a podcast where we watch movies that uh you know maybe you love despite what the world may say it's really fun amir Hope to have you on soon. We have a podcast called The Tribe. Just fucking Google me. You guys know

how this shit works. Wow. Nailed it. Stuck the landing. I'm trying to think of what movie I liked. I was thinking that you could come

to do the new Space Jam because you're such a big basketball boy. That's a great one. I'm also a huge LeBron fan, so I already love the star of the film. That's a good idea.

Yeah. Should be said that Jeff is buying tea right now. Let's see. Did you get a honey discount code for my tea? Unfortunately not. You're going to have to pay full price on that. Jeffrey is currently purchasing $300 worth of tea. I was told that you cannot afford this,

so I want you to be very careful about your next decision I cannot rescind this payment next air next day air you need the tea today I think you may have just become our top all time customer with this purchase where is this coming from?

we have a warehouse in Montana where? Billings? I don't recall. And there were bundles, he said. There were bundles, yeah. He could have saved himself a fair amount of money. I would say he just blew at least $30 of savings. Well, I'll send him back the $30 you sent me.

Hey, there it is. Full circle. Very good. What a ride it's been. Such a pleasure. Zach, you've been the most unhinged guest we've had so far. I really appreciated the energy you brought to the show. What an honor. Truly, most people skirt around this bullshit.

You took it on head on. You entered not only the lion's den, but the bull's ring. You held a red flag to me and society. And I couldn't get your ass i really couldn't so i want to hey man you can get my ass whenever you want you just let me know you have my home address now um this girl is on fire marika amir do you have any bullshit? As opposed to the bullshit that preempted that question. This entire hour was horseshit in the most listenable way.

Zach, how many listeners do you think this show has? I mean, to justify Amir allowing you to do it, I hope at least 30k a week. That's more. That's a really good guess, Zach. It's a really good guess. I mean, Zach is good, week. That's more. That's a really good guess, Zach. I mean, Zach is good, yeah. He's savvy. He knows the internet. Marika, I'm here.

Listen to HeadGum Podcasts. Listen to Fake the Nation. We have two new shows coming out soon that one of them will have launched called The Scroll Down, which is like social media of the week. And then the trailer for Sound Deals is out, which is an improv show where the hosts make up a product on the spot based on something their producer pitches them. So those are both really fun. You should check

them out. Amir? Is there really that many people listening? Because I thought this was just the thing you guys did for Jeff's morale I probably wouldn't have answered all those questions it is how it started yeah despite our best efforts traffic is actually going up and and this thanks to everyone that's

listened yeah yeah if anybody is joining us from Zach's audience please stick around give us another shot next week I promise it'll be even more invasive. And I'll find a way. And I didn't mean that thing about white people being better. I didn't mean that. What you said was that we had it the

easiest, which is correct. So you have nothing to be ashamed of there. I said it was the best historically. I did say the word best. You're leaning into it now. The subtext was easiest. That would have been a better thing to say say I didn't say it yeah I mean everybody if you're

listening to this tell a friend let's double this traffic let's fucking send this show to the hashtag moon Elon Musk dogecoin style if this show gets popular enough Jeff could become the boss that's pretty cool right we have a lot of episodes covering various topics we've had a lot of episodes covering various topics.

We've had a lot of guests. We've had Lauren Lapkus on the show, David Young. Who else is big enough? Finn Wolfhard. Jake Hurwitz. Jake Hurwitz. Finn Wolfhard. Do you want to bring me back in one year and ask the exact same question?

It'll be like the Billie Eilish Vanity Fair interview. But all my answers are the exact same. You're next to a lawyer who's advising you not to say anything. All right, guys. We'll see you guys again next week. Thanks so much for listening to this episode of the HeadGum Podcast. Check out the tripod. Is that supposed to be a tripod pun?

Kind of. That's cool. And then it'll end right there. That was a Hiddem Original.