The Headgum Podcast - 70: First Video Episode

Episode Date: October 1, 2021

Amir, Marika, and Johnny join Geoff for the first VIDEO episode of the podcast and to discuss the NYC live show, government mandates, and various Rite Aid products! Video going live on the Headgum YouTube channel at 12pm ET / 9am PT! Come to The Headgum Podcast Live in NYC on October 22 and check out the other shows at headgum.com/live.  Check out the newest Headgum podcast, A Good Cry and subscribe so you don't miss the first episode dropping September 30. Advertise on The Headgum Podcast via Gumball.fm Rate The Headgum Podcast 5-stars on Apple Podcasts. Join the Headgum Discord. Check out our sponsor MyBookieSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Original. Previously on the HeadGum Podcast. You post a video, like an amateur thing for your, you're in your partner's OnlyFans, right? And then you say, hey, if you want to see our bareback catalog, subscribe it. OnlyFans.com forward slash Micah Herdaddy. Micah Herdaddy or Chine and Sons. Chine and Sons, it's a subscription you can get a Belova a tie-dye fucking raglan and

then also see me fuck okay why not I used a clone of pussy to make my mold of my asshole Jeff light sorry Jeff Light. Sorry. Sorry. Wow. Right? everybody everybody let's get into it get started let's get it started

let's get it started in here uh try not to laugh i think that's the whole clip i think he made it shorter you can't not laugh at a fall because laugh is fall backwards it's your show man you've had every emotion and we're only 41 seconds deep pace yourself pace your fucking attitude Blumenfeld okay yeah yeah have at it fall down get up laugh

everybody let's get into it video edition October 1st let's get it started Johnny Vela on the sax October 1st. Let's get it started. Johnny Vela on the sacks. Marika Brownlee on the facts.

That means I'm going to point to you, Marika. We're giving meaning to this intro now. If I point to you and I say, let's get a number crunch on that, I need you to Google it. Is that fine? A number crunch? What? Nothing. A number crunch? Yeah, like, let's do the math on that but it's really like googling

you know did dwight l moody even jealousize anything okay yeah all right laugh it's okay to laugh so we're recording this whole yeah we're gonna upload this whole thing not just the best clips of it or... Whole thing. Okay. Less edited than ever before. Yeah. Yeah. The people are gonna know how much of a shit show this really is. The James cut.

Enough. What you got, Amir? What do you have there? Vanilla sweet cream cold brew from Starbucks. The cold foam? Mm-mm-mm. Not cold foam. Just the, it's like vanilla ice cream melted into a coffee.

Okay. Of course. What I need from you guys for the rest of this episode, and let's just all, if you can't handle this, then get out, and I will get someone else from the HeadGum team on this record because this is the first video episode, like Mariko was saying, which means we can't edit out the Zoom delay like we normally do. I need you guys to be fucking on it today. I need the rhythm of this to be the rhythm of the rice, right? It needs to have the energy of that one episode we did over video where Amir did the Amsby bit.

The Amsbit. Don't set it up to fail. to have the energy of that one episode we did over video where amir did the arms be bit the arms bit don't set it up to fail you're basically you're like a you're a pinch runner and you're pointing to the left field like we can't necessarily pull that off so don't put that pressure on us on us yeah are we gonna get copyright infringement on YouTube no all right I mean maybe yeah in which first episode goes up the audio is out immediately nine comes for us 19 flags as to stolen copyright content. Yeah. But in that case, I'll just record a version of it where I'm like, everybody, everybody, let's get into it. Get stumped now. And then Ferris will edit that in and then we'll figure it out. What's that?

I said, yeah. She just agreed. Okay. I didn't hear. Anyway, intro the show, I guess. Haven't really said who's on yet you sort of fell down and started yelling at us I said Marika Brownlee on the fax and then

Amir Blumenfeld bringing up the rear what are your thoughts on that Amir I don't like that he sort of stumbled on my last name yeah fine let's get it clean. And we can't edit it out again because we have to edit this way less.

Yeah. So we have to. Let's get it. We have to make sure that the pauses don't really exist on air. Right. Is what I was going to say. You're right. Go for it.

And Amir Blumenfeld bringing up the rear. Thanks. Happy to be here, guys. Sorry, who was that? Whose notification was that? Me. I got an email. Absolutely put it on Do Not Disturb.

Absolutely mute all devices. This is already a train wreck. I don't email. Absolutely put it on Do Not Disturb. Absolutely mute all devices. This is already a train wreck. I don't understand. Relax. We're having so much fun already. It feels like steam rolling over. No, there's so much pressure on this because like Yeah, because you fucking started it that way.

You said let's have a great episode. One of the best. I want the energy to be like when I did this one thing once. And now you're worried that there's too much pressure. Just have a nice organic episode. The pressure's on either way because we're doing these video episodes so that we can do what all these other successful podcasts are doing. Putting up clips on TikTok, putting the whole thing up on YouTube. And people have been begging for episodes over video on this show for months.

Right. So there's already hype surrounding this. There's already pressure. Under pressure. You can't handle it, man. It's real obvious that you're already cracking. I'm worried about the next 40 minutes. Let's just shake it out.

Let's just shake it out, everybody. We're fine. You're the one who needs to shake it out yeah all right all right um any dreams how did you sleep last night because it looks like not great well yeah not super good actually it's afternoon but it looks like we sort of shook you up uh after you woke up at 715 in the morning or something. In a way, in a way. So what I, I have been tossing and turning hither than thither because I'm out of melatonin five. Which is a sleep supplement you take. See, that's the kind of bullshit where like if I was editing only an oral version of this,

I would have cut out that misstep vocally. But we can't because then the video's gonna skip and that's just, so now we're seeing scars and all, right? Warts and all. This is not the perfectionist vision that I have for it. Make the alert. If you're gonna endeavor content or otherwise to create content, make it as good as probable.

That was easy. That was easy. My new favorite one. God, yeah. Number two is she. We'll get to a she. We'll get to a she. she will get to a she when I was at Six Flags

someone said she at the start of one of the roller coasters and truly everywhere people started chiming in and it was great it's my favorite thing in the fucking world I mean what a call and response what an absolute call and response and I think that it's basically

calling back to a tribal way of life where there is this universal language of celebratory or otherwise of joy and I think we need to hearken I want Jeff to give a college

lecture once in his life I want him to get in front of a lecture hall. I need one of these mics. Caleb and Shelby, shout out Keeping Records. It's my new favorite podcast. Check it out. They did a bit on one of their shows when Katie Kershaw was on. And they were talking about how lecturers always come late with

a coffee that they didn't have time to drink it's just always like they're like and so that's why it's like drink the coffee in the green room obviously are we using the audio that i'm recording or the zoom audio for this uh the audio that you're recording okay because as dogs bark i'm muting myself on zoom but just know that it's leaking onto right the sure audio yeah so for sure for sure yeah for sure yes johnny jeffrey check in about and now i'm worried about censoring because we're gonna have to censor our mouths but let's check in to your And now I'm worried about censoring because we're going to have to censor our mouths. But let's check in to your kind of sexual escapades

because I think you've been sort of... This is you censoring yourself? Yeah. You said I have to stop because I can't cut anything out. Also, I feel like it was never made clear that that's what that censorship was so you immediately are gonna have to censor okay what i was gonna say is that he's become sort of a jack off of all trades no no don't say that okay for johnny how would you say that get off

this is the worst place to let that people know. Aren't you in your childhood home with your parents? Yeah, I am at my childhood home. This is my parents' bedroom. I'm not going to talk about my sexual escapades in my parents' bedroom. Yeah, I can see your dad in the background looking for shoes or something in that closet. Yeah. Let's talk after DGX first spell.

Do you guys know that Toponod kind of gets your top off? The olive spread? i think it's sort of an app sure it's a it's an any teaser it's an app so you can fap say it you know you wanted to beat me goddamn to it and guess what else i will eat your ass these are the great starts we can't have these are the pause what are we supposed to say after you play that clip are we supposed to chuckle at it it's you can hear it every time people were razzing me for the two podcasts that we put out last week that i was on review review and head gun podcast on a review review i didn't know the song 99 red balloons um and people were like on reddit talking about how there's gaps in my pop culture knowledge which is probably true which it is true but then i didn't know that this clip was from

grand theft auto san andreas all we had to do was follow the damn train cj and it's only because i never played the story mode in grand theft auto did you guys play the story mode in grand theft auto no i never played that game ever not san andreas though yeah four was fire i can't wait for six four is good yeah five the goat obviously the goat yeah he said it was fine no i just whatever community thinks is what i think yeah she's like an actual gamer and you i guess have never heard of really popular songs and clips from video games so yeah why is that not yeah stop playing the knock sound please distracting it feels like there's someone actually knocking

yeah jeff did you add the sound clip that i asked for um i didn't but i'll do it right now as you talk amongst yourselves i mean you don't have to god we can't even cut around this yeah it wasn't a plea for you to do it now i was just asking if it would come up eventually no let's just i know we're on video so you're gonna see me searching and people are gonna be like ah like this isn't good podcasting but But you guys can fill the time, and that's something that you guys all need to get better at. Amir, even on your show, and we're going to get to this later, I think that there's some things that you can improve on.

Johnny, you're killing me. I don't respect your opinion. Oh, thank you, thank you. What? I don't respect your opinion. Which one of Amir's shows? I was going to go if I were you. But what about fashion wise

i guess you have your pulse on what looks good stylistically but don't ever talk to me about my shows or anything like that you're not gonna like the rest of this episode because i have a i have a whole segment yeah talk amongst yourselves I'm gonna create the sound clip that Mariko wanted to hear you're gonna create it now insane no way

I mean what is your how do you say it's podcast merch for a friend of mine so I had to give him that attaboy that shout out that hey how do you do and honestly it was gonna be sort of

a subtle homage, but then you asked me to lift it into frame. So this is just an official absolute endorsement of the No Dunks podcast. But they're nice dudes, so I don't mind it. Jeffrey, just go to the soundboard clip now. Let's just move on towards it. I'm sure I have to edit it

because it came in a compilation video. What's the hell? I'm slapping it in the premiere. I told you you didn't have to do this no especially not during this show happening because of marika i texted him this on friday yeah that is true that is good i had the best weekend of my fucking life what do you do i do have to, so you guys have to talk about it yourselves. Yeah, how did you have the best weekend of your life?

I saw my first Broadway musical this weekend since the quarantine. Broadway's back? Broadway's back. Are tickets extra expensive because it's been away or cheaper because some people don't want to go? Depends on the show i think also a lot of the like discounted tickets your lotteries and stuff seem like they're gonna have more allotments of tickets so it's probably gonna be a little easier to get cheap tickets uh that's that's the scoop my friend won the lottery for six so we went and it was very fun is that new it didn't exist before quarantine it did uh it was yeah but it like hadn't i think quarantine happened the day before

it was supposed to officially open oh my god like wasn't considered for this year's Tony Awards, which were also on Sunday. But it's great. It's about the six wives of Henry VIII, if they were like a pop girl group, like the Spice Girls. And it's really fun. Amir, how was your weekend? Much less eventful than that. I didn't see any Broadway musicals. I didn't see anything at all.

I stayed at home. I watched football. We're dog sitting an extra dog. So I got two dogs instead of one. And it feels like it's three for the little dude. Thankfully, he hasn't had to use them, but it was definitely in play as he gets excited very easily. Anxious, skittish, scared. He's 15 plus. So, you know, in human years, that's 90 years old. Is it small? He looks like my dog, but even smaller and older. They look like twins a little bit.

I wonder if I can share, put that picture on the screen. I would have to enable screen sharing and i'm just i'm not gonna do that yeah i could just put it up like hold my phone up to the camera yeah something so you don't have to worry about that yeah i'll turn your video i'm obviously not gonna edit anything now what's that i'll turn your fucking video off if you try that this is my show and i feel like you're not proceeding with reverence video off if you try that this is my show and i feel like you're not proceeding with reverence what are you talking about i'm being very nice that's true sorry i was out of the loop for a while i was doing a little bit yes i know you were editing shit yeah um i'm sorry i'm just nervous oh look at that fucker look at that beautiful my dog and then an older smaller version of my dog they're like little clones does luke like the the visitor yeah they get along that's cool um like an uncle and nephew

yeah who's who uh the older dog's the uncle that would make sense obviously marika yeah just needed to clarify let's let's regroup here right let's just okay yeah i mean are you finished editing full steam ahead right yeah very nice you abandoned us it's not like let's this isn't a regroup you basically disappeared and then you're like all right let's fucking let's get things back on track let's get it back on track derailed on track absolutely full steam ahead yeah you guys always get mad at me okay we can't get copyright striked on this that one really hurt my ears yeah so you can only imagine yeah um we have some segments to get to i think we should just get into it right yeah let's do it yeah um but not before let's just get into them. I think we should just get into it, right? Yeah, let's do it. Yeah. But not before.

Let's just get into them. 18 minutes in. Let's just get into the segments. I think so. Do you want to mention the live show or just sort of keep that to the end as well? You're the one who always gets mad at me for plugging in the middle of a show.

But yeah, HeadGum Podcast, first ever live record, New York shitty? Nice. October 22nd 7 p.m we'll all be there johnny's family will be there yeah um yeah new york city grammar c theater october 22nd 7 p.m tickets are about over so half sold out so if you're considering going i would go get your tickets now the pit if you're listening to this it's probably already sold out and uh now you have to go to the fucking loge oh well you're sort of you're making it seem like they shouldn't buy tickets then yuck don't dissuade the fans did you say suede don't dissuade the fans. Did you say suede? Don't dissuade the fans.

Should we do all suede everything at the show? No. Why not? Where do you even buy suede clothes anymore? Top shop? Rodney's closet. Alright, we do have to take a quick break, but we'll be right back after we thank some sponsors.

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Which one did you want? Oh, my God. Don't recommend anything else because you'll spend four minutes in the show editing it. I told Jeff that he should add uh the hannah montana transition sounds that's what this is i know but it's not the like obvious one which sing the obvious one i don't because i just whoa whoa whoa yeah like that one all right i know i said that we can't edit this very tightly but that one i'm gonna cut that one i'm gonna cut cause that was my ears are bleeding absolutely my eyes are sour

so rude what do you mean this is all fun and games you're so angry saying this is all fun and games alright we do have to move on here we go fucking where's the song? It's really great that everyone gets to see what we have to do during this

one minute long sound clip. And Jeff's not even dancing anymore. Is Amir just taking a selfie? Mine was during the song welcome to mandate or nah zero response as well as zero sounds which you control the soundboard. Yeah, you could have applauded yourself. Listen, this tyrant that we have in office, this fucking communist, Joe Grampy Biden, is trying to get me to get the fucking prick? He's a prick.

Prick. So this is mandate or nah? This is mandate or nah. Biden is mandating this fucking microchip sauce that they're trying to put into me. Okay, incorrect, but keep going.

I am not going to stand for it. I think we need to draw some equivalencies to fucking prove to these liberal cucks that this is crazy. I mean, you can't make me get it. You can't. And I'm going to prove it here. I really am.

All right? It's great. What? I think we need to wax about other things. What if they mandated Jordans? To wear? To wear? Daily or?

Yeah, sort of your daily drivers. That's fine. They're like comfortable shoes, I guess. Yeah. Would they be free? I guess so, yeah, because the vaccine is free sounds great yeah sure yeah okay well that's a bad example what if they mandated uh everybody this weekend has to take somebody they care about to dinner on the government's dollar and i think that's great great really nice yeah that's free too yes that is that said on the

government's time yeah well it would all be on all of these would be free because the vaccine seems to be free because you can kind of walk in and get it anyway yeah i love it yeah really okay i gotta i gotta up the ante here for a second i guess we gotta get let's get medical sleep better before shows what if now go with me for a second because this is what it's going to get your guys's asses what if it was mandated everyone goes and gets a physical on the government's dime great yeah that'd be nice people would catch some stuff pre-health care probably passing you know yeah down the line okay I might get it then

the um the vaccine or the physical both because I fear that some of my creepy bones are due to like a calcium deficiency of sorts yep yeah I can see that yeah you look a little

sallow today and yeah maybe we thought it was a lack of sleep but that one's done just so we all know and I'm not gonna do the song again but it's over because we have to move on.

Okay. What are we moving on to? Sorry, I had to respond to an email. Here we go. Don't respond to an email. Welcome to the price of right. All right. Here we go.

Sorry, one second. Do you know that we did play this game? No, this is different. This is different. This is the Price of Right. This is the Price of Right. This is the price of right. Just give me a fucking minute. Yeah, here we go.

I feel like we did play this game. No, this is the price of right. Uh-oh. Oh. Are you guys seeing this? Oh, we really are. All right. This is the price of right.

Turn off. Yeah. Welcome to the price of right turn off yeah welcome to the price of right fuck i can't like keep track of any of the shit on my desktop i feel like everybody's out to get me today you do look like you're extra paranoid it's like your problem. You can't keep track of your shit. All right, here we go. This is the price of right. Basically, I'm going to show some products from Rite Aid for those only listening to the oral version of this. But luckily, we do have some visual listeners and viewers, I should say, watching along here

who are seeing these products on the screen live on air um so price is right rules uh and we're just gonna go through some uh right aid products and see if you guys can kind of know what they cost all right right aid hydrogen peroxide topical solution how many ounces this is going to be the the full court the 32 fluid yeah 198 really wow what do we do everyone else guess what are you fucking doing this is fucked okay yeah and again closest without going over it's closest without going over yeah What are you fucking doing? This is fucked. Okay. And again, it's closest without going over.

It's closest without going over, yeah. I'll go above both of those things and say $8.99. Marika is correct. Incorrect. Wow. I almost said $99, but I thought that was too low for the court. i thought it would be like 16

ounce that's cheaper than water yeah which is kind of shocking truly cheaper than water and how is a chemical cheaper than water that doesn't make sense did you guys ever water is two chemicals hydrogen nice dioxide as it were so it's grumpy although the hydrogen peroxide is probably more than one chemical too so i guess price per molecule you're getting the best i really should start drinking this um let's read the review because it has one review yep great product great price i mean you're not beating there's no way they're making a profit from this the bottle alone plus the packaging getting it to the store there's this is a loss leader they call it sorry this says the review says we use to get blood of cloth or we use this to get blood of cloth it is

amazing at taking out protein stains yeah that's uh unfortunate but you know Brian is dealing with his own shit I guess what's unfortunate is you what's unfortunate is you ow

let's fucking move on here we go okay we're having fun but alright we're doing work the next product is true north almond pecan crunch $3.99 now we're like veering off

into uh that weird trader joe's game that you play which I would have loved to play and i'm really upset i'm really upset that i didn't get to play that because i'm a trader joe's snack master yeah did you were some of those new to you or did you all did you know those all some of them some of them were new but i knew a lot of them did you know the grilled chicken in a bag or whatever that one that one is i did not know okay i used to for my old job i used to have to go to trader joe's every week and uh get four shopping carts

worth of food and check out yeah and like a shopping cart full of milk and check out and then like go back and it would get delivered later uh so I know a lot of the Trader Joe's snacks. Johnny, participate! Jesus. Talk on the mic! Or don't do the show! Marika's still going on and on about what she wants. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Yeah, why did Marika do it? We can't let him break us up here. This is what he fucking wants. He's trying to sow discord. Marika said $3.99 for the True North Almond Pecan Crunch. Let's go, Johnny. I'm going to go $2.99. Okay. And the way

you said that is worthy of that. And then, Amir, let's get your vote in or whatever. I'll go higher than both of those things and say 549 marika saves the day yeah wow very affordable does johnny win because he got it exactly wait johnny you said 299 i thought you said 499 no i didn't say four murky can we get can we get a number crunch on that what am i right there it's right i told you i told i gave up my point to johnny okay and we should say that this is it's price

is right rules and that if you go over you lose but it's also price is right price of right rules where every for everyone you get right you get that cash so johnny's winning with 299 uh here we go great the next product is joy and trampoline sprinkler what it's a sprinkler that you put on your trampoline or some shit yeah i don't think you put it on a trampoline i'm pretty sure that it like click on that image at the bottom we could see other images yeah let's see oh yeah i guess it does oh there you go there you go yeah i'm familiar with these yeah that's fun that's a lot of fun for the kids so dangerous yeah yeah uh i'm gonna go well marika shouldn't always gets first it puts you at a disadvantage yeah switch the order so i'll go first this time not that i've actually used the

last bid to my advantage because i've always over guessed it so i would say something like one thing and then i'll divide it in half because ride aid is the fucking i guess goat of affordable shopping and say 1212.99. All right. All right. $19.99. As in let's party like it's... $19.95. No. Johnny, get your guess and let's fucking do it.

I'm going to say $16.99. Something that dangerous is gonna be cheap. Marika takes the cake! This one is more expensive than I thought. Yeah. I mean, at this point you might as well just get 40 hydrogen

peroxide bottles, right? Here we go. Same price. This is expensive. The next fucking item is a very choogy home decor item for fall. It's a cartoon fox, and it says it's a sign, and it says, thank Gord, it's sweater weather. So Johnny first this time? Let's go Johnny Villa first. All right.

I'm going to shoot for $6.99. Okay. Ricky, you want to go? Or I can go. It's a little harder to go second. So I'll say $8.99. All right. I'll say $9.99.

All wrong. $3.49 and it's on sale. I was right on the regular price, though. It's on sale. I was right regular price. Wow. I know my choogy items. Yeah. All wrong. $3.49 and it's on sale. I was right on the regular price, though. I was right regular price. Wow. I know my choogy items. Yeah. All right.

And the next item is Joven Sex Appeal for Men Fragrance to wear. Whoa, what is that fragrance? Oh, I'm going Joven tonight. What's that? Joven? It's next to the hydrogen peroxide. A European dance pop anthem comes on and you just kind of shimmy. That's a commercial for Joven. The description on the package says, sex appeal.

Now you don't have to be born with it. The bottom line says, men can never have enough. Let's go Joven sex appeal for men. I have no clue, but I will guess nine 99. All right. Eight 99. Such a yellow cologne.

That's the Joven difference.'s like a neutrogena soap it contains it's somehow it's bottle jellies yeah it's it's as thick as shampoo shampoo that you have to sort of lather on your neck and face it's amber are you okay jeff what is that what are you microdosing there yeah post lasik drops you know the job uh johnny let's get your answer in so we can uh 17 17 all right oh he's going high and the winner is Amir Amir Nice

So Marika's winning with $19.99 Amir has $15.39 And I think Johnny has like $2.99 or some Horseshit the next item Is Caltrate bone health Minis Minis

Yes the old ones I found a little bit too large Yeah and in charge You do need to take two of them though so it amounts to the same amount of calcium pills are big all right as someone that has a hard time swallowing pills yeah out here and they're also like usually rough swallowing shrill yeah you didn't have to say that yeah i was gonna say that calcium pills are usually they're never like a gel tab it's always like that rough sort of condensed powder and for some reason you have to take three of them that are way too big yeah actually the caltrate minis sound like a really good plan i pick these up at rite aid might have to cop uh all right who's going first um i'll go yeah uh i'll go 1349 oh that's a yeah that's a pretty safe bet

not really sorry as the host of the show you really can't editorialize after yes sorry sorry you said it yourself know when to self-edit right got it i'm a fucking maestro i'll go this is due to mel conducting the LA Phil sometimes. Yeah, I was going to say 649. You fucking maniac. Delusions of grandeur. No, I have delusions of blander. Meaning? Meaning if I was a maestro of this show,

that's not even that much. It's like dream bigger if you're going to be delusional. Yeah, Marika already guessed guessed so I guess Johnny's yeah I'll guess uh these are 150 tablets they're also easy to swallow so I'm gonna go for 18 wow big boy

bet you're all wrong it was 1299 I said 649 you said 649 yes holy shit that's absolutely the highest without going over. Actually kind of ahead. No, Amir's in the lead with $28-ish.

The next product is the Satisfyer Groove Bullet Vibrator. Can we see the packaging? Yeah. Kind of fancy. Oh, that's trendy. Kind of fancy, yeah. Imagine pulling up to R to right aid you get the bullet groove and a bottle of jovan

johnny guess faster we have another segment to get to i'm sorry 12 minutes you have to sort of like guide it as the mc first guest second guest i'm your guess i'm your guess and remember it's like johnny tell him what he's won you gotta johnny on the zoom right now you gotta use the catchphrase actually download it edit it and put it in soundboard while i sort of wax and wane about the potential cost of a bullet groove vibrator. This is, well, no, Johnny, you should really be the one to know. I feel like you would know this of all people in terms of like a voracious sex life. Okay.

I feel like the sex appeal plus this bullet vibrator will total $50. So I'm going to stick with $35. I don't even know the price, but it's definitely not that. Let's get Marika on the horn. I'll go $29.99. That's a good guess. Amir?

Just say a dollar, right? $19.99. Thank you. Alright. Amir, actually, you were all wrong. Affordable. The next one is Nicorette lozenges. I'll go

with $12.99. Okay. Johnny, go fast, fast, fast, fast. It is going to be upcharged. It's going to be $7.99. Okay. Johnny, go. Fast, fast, fast, fast. It is going to be upcharged. It's going to be $7.99. Amir? $15 even. Amir got it. Wow.

$40 basically. Quitting is expensive. So now, Amir, you're up to $78. Here we go. Four go vibrators for that satisfied kegel trainers okay now we know they're cheap they're basically benoit balls speaking speak of the fucking devil billy skifuri just uh dm'd me should we call should we phone a bill no no wait why speak of the bill you're asking if we should we should prolong this segment that you're asking us to speed up with billy got mad at me because i insinuated that he should buy

ben waballs for his betrothed fast johnny guess 12.99 amir it looks like just plastic so I'll go $7.99 Marika $7.98 that's gonna be Marika actually Johnny got it oh my god it was the two count it's cause it's the two count and finally

cheese eggs and Welch's grape nice Welch's grape juice yubbish yeah Cheese, eggs, and... Welch's grape. Nice. Welch's grape juice. Yubbish. Yeah. You're going through some shit right now, man. I'm kind of worried about you.

It is $2.99. Oh, wait. No, it's not. Oh, my. $3.48. How dare you? I'll go 550. Alright, that's wrong.

It doesn't matter because this whole thing was winner takes all. Amir wins with 78 fucking euro. Let me Venmo your ass. Do not. Because then I have to return it and it's just work for me. Everything you give me is a responsibility. But what about the fucking

chowder? Yeah, the chowder was was annoying too my garage smelled like fish for a week game over that was easy that was easy. Fog corn. Leg horn. What about fog corn leg corn? Is that it? Is that the next segment? Segment-wise?

No. We have eight minutes. Three of that's going to be this segment, so we're going to get through it fast, and then we're going to do plugs. Got it? Now we have an outline. Video people know what to expect. We're not going to go past an hour, because what that's being a little bit gratuitous it's being a little bit fucking uh selfish it's being a little bit prolonging it just go to the next segment okay please that's right that was this is a head gum original oh wait i didn't introduce it at all um

was that my voice so amir i think that a lot of people would agree that you're a funny guy. Comedy's been your medium of choice to ultimately guide others through turmoil. And, like we were talking about earlier, be a beacon of joy. And I think that no one's without fault is my take so i think we're gonna go through if this is okay with you i thought we could go through this week's if i were you and just kind of give you notes on your performance out of line out of turn unnecessary slanderous odious angry mean-spirited bad um let's hear it thank you to squarespace for sponsoring this episode of our show all right i don't want to

give them free ad space let's get all right that's the action fees you can professionally dot com is so you're you're just you're scrubbing through it randomly not necessarily here we go here we go yeah reminding us to see the cheese about and yo do you and again we only have we have we have one minute left to do yeah wow i really thought he was irish let's give it i thought he was scottish i thought he was Scottish. I thought he was a Scotsman. Yeah. Yeah. This is, sorry, can we stop? Yep. Insanely confusing. Two of us on this show are in that show.

So it sounds like there's six people on the Zoom now and two people up here twice or something. That is not, we can do another, on next week's HeadGum Podcast, we can critique this episode. All right, what we're doing right now is critiquing your performance, specifically on If I Were You.

We only have a minute and a half left to do this, so let's get into it. At the end, it didn't sound like I had an accent. I don't know why you changed your mind. He did, yeah. It's like this opposite thing where usually you can't hear the accent until you're talking. You could only hear the accent when he was singing and not when he was talking.

Interesting. Did he have an accent when he was talking? It's good so far. I don't know because he was barely listening and it was distracting. What's the point in this then? You're just listening to an episode saying it's fine so far?

That's not a note. You're also there, so you, in theory, should know this ahead of time. You should know where the weak points were. Why do you think I brought this up? Because there were some weak points that kind of kept me up. You're saying that I didn't sleep well.

It's only one of a few things that kept me up. Where are they? What? Where are they? Don't listen to the whole up. It's so out of time. This is the worst. We have 45 seconds.

Golden child. He's on one. 22. And oh my God. Oh God. You're over the hill. What do you, what have you had?

What do you have? So we're all over 22. Talentless hacks. That's you had what do you have so we're all over 22 talentless hacks that's what both of you i think we're all over talentless hacks the both of you that's really funny why because i saw the jake and amir nfts episode and it's actually not pleasing to the ears and eyes really that's the that's as here's my first note you don't know when to insert yourself and then you don't know when to insert yourself and then you don't know when to not insert yourself you know what i mean like it's exactly what johnny was talking about with self-editing knowing when to chime in and when to sort of not

yeah um two minutes is up we have to do plugs right so you just wanted to play it say that your bits were funny not even it was like the first 30 seconds which was jeff insulting you guys yeah so yeah yeah don't say yeah like you accomplished something plugs we accomplished what might go down in head gum podcast history as the most irritating sour so no noun at the end of that let's go down the line marika what do you have to plug what do you want to point the people to the floor is yours go uh obviously head gum live yep october 22nd and 23rd 7 p.m for

our show on the 22nd there's also a high and mighty on the 23rd i believe doughboys and nadpod are sold out but get tickets to the other ones and come hang out. There's a new HeadGum podcast, A Good Cry, that dropped on the 30th, so the day before this comes out. And you should listen to it. First episode with Stephen Colbert. It'll be really great. Really excited.

So subscribe to that. Love that. It'll be really great. Really excited. So subscribe to that. Love that. And otherwise, follow me on Instagram and Twitter at MarieKLan. Cool.

Amir? Yeah, headgum.com slash live. Not very many great seats left. And we look forward to seeing you all there. I mean, it's going to be an insane lot. You'd think there was a lot of pressure on this show. Wait till you hear what Jeff has cooking for the live. It's going to be like, oh, my God, how did they pull that off? I'm very excited.

I don't want to hype it up that much. Oh, yeah. Because then I get nervous. Between the singing, the dancing, and yeah. Dancing? The children's choir. Putting everything together. What's going to be crazy?

No fucking way. I have to hire a choir to hire h-o-i-r acquire c-h-o-i-r that's right uh we'll see you there cool johnny yeah head gum live 22nd uh 23rd as well uh come through we gotta buy those tickets ASAP, ASAP, ASAP. Bye, bye, bye. Also, I wanted to give a quick shout out to Squid Game. I haven't seen it, but I heard many good things about it. No gram follow. Squid Game. It's on Netflix. Oh. Yeah. Nice.

It's about squids. At Jeffrey James on Instagram. At Jeff Boyardee on Twitter. HeadGum Podcast Live October 22nd 7 p.m grammar c theater uh over halfway sold out so get your tickets before they're gone and it's going to be an unbelievable time all around marika and i have to go to meetings at 1 p.m slash 4 p.m eastern so we are going to sign off if you're watching this on video, thank you. I appreciate it.

And share with your friends. Obviously, we're going to clip some of these out. And if you could actually share with your friends, I would mean a lot to me, actually, in a certain way. So desperate. No, it's not desperate. It's just like this is sort of like my world. Oh, my God. No, we do have desperate. It's just like this is sort of like my world. Oh my God. No, we do have to end the show.

What do we say? We don't do catch you on the flip diesel. Oh, that's Daz, folks. It's kind of funny. Yeah. Kind of, yeah. What a horrible ending. We're still rolling.

Oh, fuck. That was a Hiddem original.