The Headgum Podcast - 77: Bouba Kiki

Episode Date: November 19, 2021

Headgum's newest hire Gionna joins Johnny, Marika, and Geoff to discuss rice wine, Johnny's various ailments, and Bouba Kiki! Check out the new Headgum podcast, XOXO, Gossip Kings! BUY THE HEADGUM PODCAST MERCH! Advertise on The Headgum Podcast via Gumball.fm Rate The Headgum Podcast 5-stars on Apple Podcasts. Join the Headgum Discord.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum original. Previously on the HeadGum podcast. We're not going to talk about marriage issues. We're not going to talk about fucking kinks. God, what does that leave us with? What was your last fetish that you came up with over the course of the pandemic? Oh, you know, kind of. How does it feel to be put on the spot let's hear your answer

i actually want to know i really want to know i just don't want to make you guys i know you the fact that you're we're going to be sincere it's kind of more of like a i do want to know it's more like a it's a very small thing it's a very small thing marika you can cover giant test porn yeah totally shrinking i know it i love it that's awesome that's my thing too what even is that yeah a fellow shrunk brother i didn't love it who's your favorite giant test yeah pulling underwear to the side and that's it that's kind of the kink within a kink in a way so it's like she keeps her thong on and I've got my dong dong oh my god

pile enters Why does it feel like we haven't done one of these in forever? Johnny and I haven't been here. That must be it. That must be it. I mean, you did it last week, but we haven't been on in a while. Okay. Yeah. Sorry.

So it's not really forever. Yeah. I just... What a sour attitude to bring to the beginning of it. You're not even looking at your monitor. It's good to see you, Jeff. Yeah, Marika, you haven't been on for a couple weeks. A lot of comments saying that this podcast not only is bad, but barely exists without you.

How does that make you feel? No, I always want to have Marika on it. She just does probably the most work. No, no, no. I'm talking to someone who's actually contributing to the show. Wow. How does that make you feel? Make you feel good?

Yeah, I think so. Like a little concerned. I feel like personally, I don't feel like I bring much to the table. But overall positive. As long as people aren't being mean to me. Because I do read all of the YouTube comments. I'm pretty fine. A lot of people are trying

to wed you. I don't like that. Well, if you feel like you don't contribute anything, why don't you hit us with a major key alert? Oh, boy. Be good to yourself, I guess.

That's my major key alert. That's great. Johnny, we're so almost the same person, man. Dude, hell yeah. We pretty much are the same person. I'm pretty much going to take over your life at this point. Yeah. Well, yeah, I'm officially coming to New York in 13 days.

Yeah. That's so soon. I didn't realize it was that soon. I'm dreading it. Dreading it completely. Dreading it? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm dreading it so much, man.

What is there to dread? I mean, I'm just going to be hitting you up way too often and being a burden in your life. Yeah, I mean, yeah, I understand that. I think that's kind of why I'm dreading it a lot. So I think there is an agreement. I have the benefit of not being like close to anyone location wise. Johnny, you're like...

And by relation. You're so, yeah. You're so easy to like convince to go somewhere because you're like and by relation you're so yeah uh you're so easy to like convince to go somewhere because you're so central so yeah and i mean like i don't know why uh why it is about people from new york but they think that 30 minutes is a long time like to get from one place to another i think it takes like three hours for me to be like uh i don't know if i'll go three hours so kingston's two and a half't know if I'll go. Three hours? So Kingston's two and a half hours from you.

You'd drop everything and go up there? Yeah, if I had like a free day, I probably would. I guess you're also kind of used to like commuting from Jersey. Yeah. I feel like hour and a half, two hours is kind of my like, oh boy. Woke up this morning, got yourself a gun. Nice. The Sopranos.

Yeah, I started watching The Sopranos for the first time. Do you enjoy it? I've never seen it. I love it. I don't like that it takes place in New Jersey because it does sort of remind me of Johnny. Okay. Interesting. Already like.

It's so weird dynamic. Yes. So non sequitur from the show. I'll give you that. I'll give you that. Yeah. It is a little bit not par for the course.

Yeah. Is this the point where you say this is not going how you wanted? We know all the beats yeah there's a script man no to me i'm trying to this was one of those weeks where i'm like let me try and reinvent the show in a way where i kind of bring instead of sour poison uh a new perspective jennifer's body style and and aged

wisdom of your depuis toujours alright what's the aged wisdom yeah well it's gonna be dispersed throughout the show like I don't have bullet points that I want to just read off I know that you guys always say that oh you just write jokes and then we're just supposed to sit here and field them f-e-e-l-d and uh johnny knows what

i'm talking about um and uh no but uh i want to just interject with actual um useful words to hear that's a great goal I love that for you you're welcome what have you been up to no what have I been up to that's a nice question yesterday I went to a sake

tasting with my roommate and some friends and learned a little bit about rice wine. I don't know what else to say, Johnny. I did garner. I mean, how did it taste? You went to a tasting. How did it taste?

No, no, no. It was sake school. It was sake school. And so you learn about it and taste it. Is this like in retaliation for Riley taking wine classes? Retaliation? Were you like, I have to one-up her? No, this was something that, well, so George Saba said,

do you want to go to sake school with me on Sunday? I said, what the hell is that? He said, it's before this place opens, an hour before it opens, you can go and taste sake for free and learn about it. I was like, free sake? Of course. Didn't end up being free, ended up being $32 for six ounces of sake total um but it was still fun i found that i like a grainy ricey warmed sake with a milk cream mouthfeel but if it's a

little more balanced a little more polished i'll go cold i'll go cold and I will fall cold because I've recently found out that drinking alcohol makes me sort of pass out if I have too much of it happens to everybody interesting to just learn that right really we've had shots together multiple times

you've had shots in front of me yeah cause you kept buying them for me and I don't say no you love to buy Johnny shots that was more of an August-ish mhm mhm what's new with you guys

uh I was just gonna bring up that you bought frozen espresso martinis for the table wait when did I do that at Rays you had too much to drink and you forgot that was also August-ish

the coffee reminded me what's new with you guys I'm a little shook if I can be perfectly honest bomb drop I'll wait

nice that was easy sure I tonight I'm going to a concert version of the musical Spring Awakening with the original Broadway cast

from 15 years ago and I feel like I might cry for three hours in the next three hours so I'm a little I'm a little like crazy right now what's going on

is that why you have to leave your house at five mm-hmm because I live far and I have to travel far. Bleep that out. Yeah, I'm shook by that. Really excited. One of my friends that I haven't seen in a really long time is coming for the concert. And it's her first time in a Broadway theater

so exciting fans of Spring Awakening around the same time it's gonna be great where are they coming in from? they're coming in from Maryland from DC DC for sure

and then Johnny what kind of nonsense is coloring your life I got the flu twice I got tested twice it was both times the flu the first time I recovered I was like finally this was right before Halloween weekend

I went out one day for Halloween and then I got the flu again so i was out of commission for quite some time but now i'm back covid free flu free and uh i probably should get my flu shot just in case this happens a third time yeah yeah all of it could have been avoided if you'd just gotten your flu shot now you have antibodies for something that doesn't really matter in the end. I mean, I could get the flu again and that same strain. Right.

Antibiotics will fight it. All right. I guess. You're not giving me anything. What is it? I'm not giving you guys anything. I've come up with gold so far. Actual conversation starters.

Yeah, but you said you were going to interject with something positive. I think that would have helped us. You know what? I'm not going to have it because guess what? You guys have this expectation of me as a host and you're kind of waiting for me to come in with the crazy. All I've

done so far is, yes, play sounds but also posit jumping off points that I think are positive. Give us another jumping off point. All you asked me was where my friend was from. I think that's really good. It's fine.

Jesus Christ. I got my flu shot on Thursday and I tried to get my COVID booster at the same time, but they didn't have appointments available. So I scheduled mine for November 30th in greenpoint and uh yeah what was that sound what was that sound that you just played oh you mean oh i thought it was a wild animal it does kind of sound like a cougar it was a wild line so it was a wild whapow. Ah, great. We're also going to have to figure out how to film this if we're all in New York.

Yeah, but that's... If we're just going to continue being at home. Well, what do we think of the video episode so far? Because I think that people... I think 80% of the people like it. I think 20% think the audio version got worse, which I agree with. But my fear is that we're not generating new avenues of revenue.

Interesting. Well, you do keep playing copyrighted music that stops YouTube monetization, like the one that you immediately played in this episode. Which one? That like, truly like the two second clip that started this. I don't know what song it is but it got flagged the other no we didn't i didn't do any songs i swear to god oh you mean oh yeah the

entourage yeah yeah that got flagged it did yeah okay i'll cut that out then i've been trying to be to not do it i feel like i didn't do it yeah you you have been you've been trying yeah uh jeffrey i feel like it's i think they're going well um i feel like you know i think that we've been doing a lot of visual bits so that probably adds to the the audio quality situation but yeah yeah and i wasn't i already wasn't as well received as i would have hoped on the audio forum and the segment i have is very visual i'm ready to alienate more people johnny what's the status with uh pretty whack industries pretty whack industries is currently cooking they're in the studio right now yeah who

just me physically are in a studio recording so i guess that works oh yeah i just spent all my time in the in my room now i spent all my time drinking wine so this is a jumping off point johnny we should do like a the shop style interview series at the head gum office where we like talk about shit way too seriously you me and danny and a rotating cast of way too famous guests wait the shop like uh where they're all in a barber shop uninterrupted yeah chopping it yeah yeah so instead, the shop like where they're all in a barbershop. Uninterrupted. Chopping it. Yeah. So instead of the shop, it could be the shock.

And so if for every answer that the guest doesn't do, we kind of zap them with a magic wand. Definitely illegal. Very bad idea. Or not a magic wand. What's it called? A taser? Not a taser. It's more salacious. Not a magic wand. What's it called? A taser? Not a taser. It's more salacious.

Not a cattle prod. More salacious. Like a sex toy that is an electric thing? Violet wand. Violet wand. What is that? It's a sex toy. Nice.

Because that, I think, makes the guests uncomfortable in a certain way and then you basically have to answer the question so we'll get physical pain yeah we'll get Seth Meyers on the show and like ask him no way what's that no way we can get Seth Meyers why'd you say it's so matter of fact give me the time of day he might give me the time of his out of his day to to physically potentially maim him of course not maim it's all playful it's all the shock with johnny villa i love it now it's great just needed his name on it yeah well yeah we should say that we have a new part-time employee jana kinchin is that a yeah um joining us in nary a few minutes here her headgun podcast debut uh i got yelled at via johnny for not inviting her on earlier but i didn't know she wanted but i was also kind of

drunk so i apologize for yelling at you yeah well it's probably because I bought you nine shots or some nonsense yeah so I guess do you guys like bar games darts billiards etc not really what do you like then just like at bars or anything anything

I like musicals. I like Formula One racing, which people don't want me to talk about anymore. I like, I don't know, movies. Do you get blasted at a Broadway show? Because I know they sell alcohol there. What do you, the tickets are so expensive. And the alcohol is like 30 dollars for like

a double shot beverage but no i'm not i normally don't buy drinks unless it's like there's a cup that i want because the logo's on it but it's pretty rare that i do that marika have you ever been drunk uh i'm gonna say probably no probably like close to drunk maybe tipsy but not like really not blasted if as it were yeah okay and johnny have you ever done mescaline uh lettuce oh wait no no not that is that's uh acid uh i think it's peyote oh peyote no but it's definitely uh if i had a wish list of drugs peyote would be there yeah yeah yeah yeah yes yes i love i love let the record show that i do enjoy a good uh hallucinogen that's cool let the record show that I do enjoy a good hallucinogen. That's cool.

Let the record show. Ferris, keep this in. I want people to know I'm cool. Yeah. I'm going to get you arrested somehow just from that admission, which I don't even think is illegal to say. Officer, I was just trying to be cool. We should take a quick break, but we'll be right back after a couple of weird video ads

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that's german for what what do you mean for what for this this is fucking work at this point man oh i thought this was the next segment you called und verbach oh no i was saying and we're back ah okay

german is rusty we should get into our Oh, no, I was saying and we're back. Oh, okay. My German is rusty. We should get into our... That won't get flagged. Bond of the week. Absolutely bond of the week. Let's start with Johnny Villa. Who's your bond of the week? We should say every week until the next bond is cast,

we're going to kind of cast our votes for the next James. All right. My bond of the week is fellow short king Daniel Radcliffe. Does he want it? Probably not, but I think he would like it. Not even love it? I think he'd have a solid time. Radcliffe?

How rich do we think he is? Let's get in. Here, hang on. Daniel Radcliffe Network. ABC Family, Harry Potter Marathon Royalties. Oh, yeah. That equus check. That equus check.

That equus check. That equus check. That equus check. That equus check. That equus check. That equus check. That equus check. That equus check.

That equus check. That equus check. That equus check. That equus check. That equus check. That equus check. That equus check. That equus check.

That equus check. That equus check. That equus check. That equus check. That equus check. That equus check. That equus check. That equus check.

That equus check. That equus check. That equus check. That equus check. That equus check. That equus check. That equus check. That equus check.

That equus check. That equus check. That equus check. That equus check. That equus check. That equus check. That equus check. That equus check.

That equus check. That equus check. That equus check. That equus check. That equus check. That equus check. That equus check. a lot oh my god okay over under how much do we think it is over under 70 million dollars over definitely over yeah 110 million that's so much money that's a lot smaller than i thought it would be considering how huge harry potter was I feel like once money gets up in those numbers, I lose all sense of what anything means. Yeah, you don't...

What's 110 million to 500? That feels small, but it's so much money. It's so fucking much money. Yeah, wow. That's what I need to do. I need to fucking book a tentpole franchise leading role or some bullshit.

Are you going out for like Marvel stuff? I went out for one Marvel series. Can you say what it was? Was it who's in Ms. Marvel? Was that it? Yeah, it's Ms. Marvel. No, the actor. Yeah, it was Ms. Marvel.

I don't know her name. Yeah. Nice. But sometimes they send me out for things where I have to be Armenian and I'm like I don't think I look Armenian enough and I can't pronounce

these words which is kind of a dead giveaway full steam ahead almost half hour my bond of the week yes since he's having a little moment, I'm going to go with Barry Keoghan.

He's not, because we don't know who that is. He is. Barry Keoghan? Yes. He was in Dunk... Most recently, he was in The Eternals. He's like the... Oh, this is like Harry Styles guy.

Sure. I don't know what that means. They were in Dunkirk together. Yes. Spoiler alert. Harry Styles is in the end credit scene of the Eternals. So sure. He is?

Yeah. Oh, you didn't know that? No. I don't watch Marvel movies. It's all over the Twitter sphere. All over the Twitter. Trending for days. Is he in it?

Is he going to be in a Marvel movie? Yeah, like they have what character? Eros Starfox. I don't know. He's Thanos' brother. That's his character. He did a good job.

He's so hot. Yeah, he's hot. How are you not a huge Harry Styles fan but he did a good job how are you not a huge Harry Styles fan uh as a die-hard big time rush stan I was constantly mad at One Direction uh so I'm I just didn't care when they were a band and you know he's doing a good job I have nothing against him in his little solo career he seems like a nice lad i'm seeing him on friday at the forum i can't be more excited couldn't be i i got some high-waisted pants for it yeah it's from shein so that's where everyone's buying their high-waisted pants vintage ralph vintage ralph 24 for me bay nice good deal exciting yeah yeah I wasted pants for the Harry Styles concerts. No, vintage Ralph. All right. Vintage Ralph. All right. $24 from eBay.

Nice. Good deal. Exciting. Yeah. Yes, good deal. Yes. This is like the most energy we've ever given you. I remember reading a comment about

us too Marika because I also do read all the comments and it was a negative one and I wanted to share it with you it was so it was an episode don't gesticulate like that your hand's taking up an eighth of the frame sorry should I only pull it back

so Amir was in the episode as well and marika you and i were in the corners of the video and one comment was uh who are the people in the corners comedians if not why are they there yeah that was a good one that's a good one yeah so much behind the smile of that was a good one so much pain behind the smile of that was a good one thought it was something in my eye my bond of the week is Babe Ruth

not British well we've established they don't have to be British what's the difference between Irish and Brooklynese imagine James Bond pointing to left field and knocking it home. Still like baseball or something more spy related? Probably more spy related,

but he could still sort of knock it out of the park. Knock it home. Yeah. Knock it home. Yeah. I think Johnny and my choices were better but yeah they were definitely better

and I definitely don't want to put you down completely because we still have 30 minutes left in the show I do but I don't want to admit that yeah I just I think Babe Ruth could be a good bond think about it because then imagine the marketing

because like you have the chocolate bars and it could be like baby um james should we cut this out we should cut it out if you're worried about people stealing the great idea your intellectual property of babe ruth becoming a dead person by the way babe ruth becoming the next bond correct and then the marketing being mostly candy bar related okay yeah at least you're thinking about about it through a business standpoint yeah well no i i kind of look at everything holistically i don't know if you guys are familiar with Mike Farah, CEO of Funny or Die, but his whole thing is holistic. Holisticism, if that's a word. And I don't know, I really took that to heart. And maybe this is one of those moments where I kind of impart wisdom is that if you're not looking at things from not just the front end and not just the back end, but including

the back end and maybe even the sides, because those are the chances to really monetize content. Then you're not going to, you're not going to become a Daniel Radcliffe type. You're not going to get that nine figure salary. I stopped listening. Oh, when you started, but I'm sure what you had to say was accidentally wise at one point and then kind of trailed off.

Probably. Wow. Listen, Gianna just texted us in the Slack saying that her computer's still on the reboot. Johnny, do you want to save your segment for when she's here, or do you want to do it now? We can do the segment now, actually. Let's do it. Yeah, let's do it. All right, so Johnny's going to share his screen.

Hopefully this doesn't fuck up the recording. Yes, I hope. I fucking hope it's not. We got to go to Bernie's again, guys. Yeah. I mean, Johnny didn't go with us that one time. It was AJ, but... Yeah, they're kind of interchangeable to me at a certain point

so uh what the fuck is this this is my segment Jeff I've actually spoken to you about this over text yeah it was awful to read yeah Marika booba kiki okay

booba kiki you're not giving me anything I don't know what to give you I don't know what to give you okay perfect no it's not what you wanted no explain what's on the screen explain what

this is so last weekend I dove into this rabbit hole and to be quite honest I want everybody past present and future to see what's been going on in my hole lately so don't phrase it like that bubah geeky is the name uh it happened when i was watching a lot of TED Talks. And frankly, this is very, very free game for anyone listening right now and anyone watching.

So listen up. So these shapes, if you had to guess which one is Booba, Marika, and which one is Kiki, what would your answer be? So we're looking at like two different shapes. One's kind of like a star, like with sharp edges. The other one has rounded edges. I'm going to say rounded is booba.

Kiki is the sharp edges. Yes, exactly. So what? I also love this drafting paper background of this presentation. This isn't a blueprint to anything meaningful.

Don't speak so soon because this is brilliant, in my opinion. Yes, in your opinion. So yes, you're exactly right. But the most interesting thing about this is that across all languages and cultures, people think the same exact thing of the pointy shape being kiki and the rounded shape being booba it's a social phenomenon that study that has been studied by psychologists now here's where the game comes in how can we apply this to podcasting you both are you asking us so you didn't bring a segment. You brought two shapes and now you're asking us to shoehorn in something related to these two

phonetic words. Let me finish. How can we apply this to podcasting? You may be asking yourself. You paused. I wasn't. I wasn't asking. I didn't know where this was going. Well, it doesn't matter because I have a few dynamic duos that I can pull up that'll help us out in figuring how we can apply this to podcasting.

So here we have America's lovable oaf, Shrek. Yes, but it's not the original art. It's some off, literally from DeviantArt. DeviantArt? Also, America's lovable oath is that he's Scottish. One, I couldn't get the, I don't have the legal permission. You don't need the rights. You two won't flag that.

I don't. You guys are going to hate the other pictures. The audio version is not even involved. God, you guys are going to really dislike the other pictures. You guys are going to really dislike the other pictures. Now, using the same criteria of Booba Kiki, who is Booba and who is Kiki in this situation? Jeff, do you want to take this one?

I guess Shrek is Booba and Donkey's Kiki. Marika, would you agree? I would agree. Great. You guys are definitely are definitely eyes are haunting yeah what the fuck is wrong with you johnny i thought it was the closest representation of shrek that i could find on you definitely didn't you didn't have to search just on deviant art i didn't is deviant art that's like mostly like a anime porn site right uh i don't think you can post explicit photos there okay i may be mistaken i don't think you can either it was

kind of obviously hang on highlight of it was kind of like in its heyday where all the fan art went. Ah, yes. Now, to bring it back, you guys are totally right about Booba and Kiki. We know. It's not a right or wrong thing. I thought this was like a mental exercise. I wanted to say that Shrek grossed $487.9 million. 487.9 million US dollars now imagine if this

buba kiki was podcast was a podcast nothing next question you didn't say anything oh my god also no photo credit for this one yeah no photo credit

I couldn't find the credits so I just let it ride for listeners it's Spongebob and Patrick making out the first one Spongebob's kind of being lifted and the second one it's like a post proposal photo on a beach yeah and it should be noted

that the first one not only is Spongebob being lifted but his shoe is tucked into Patrick's pants and is exposing just the tiniest crack. Oh, yeah. See? Yeah, everyone, whoever's listening on audio, get on YouTube right now and check this out. You gotta see this shit. No, you don't. Spare this out you gotta see this shit no you don't spare yourself see it when was the last time you guys had sex because I haven't had sex in I think three weeks

and this even this photo is making me horny yeah don't bring that up looking at yeah I have no idea what you're looking at No it's been four weeks Booba and Kiki Let's bring it back I feel like I might get this one wrong Me too Patrick Is Booba and Spongebob

Is Kiki I was going to say the opposite I'd actually kind of more Side with Marika Patrick being Booba and spongebob being kiki's okay guess what 13 billion in worldwide sales this doesn't connect these don't correlate at all they both are booba kiki relationships and they're both so rich. They're so rich. It's rich because of the content.

Movies and TV are different than podcasts, as we know. So what are you even saying? You want to do an entire Booba Kiki podcast and you think it's going to gross millions of dollars? What I'm saying is there's so much more opportunity. If we can establish a firm booba kiki relationship in

this podcast then we can get rich oh you're saying one of us has to be booba one of us has to be kiki and then we'll get rich oh i don't even think you know what you're saying i think i kind of do i think i know what i'm saying whatever's going on please welcome to the show by the way gianna kinshin yeah nice laugh, love thing behind you. Very choogy, very choogy. So long. This is, how? How is this long?

Are you just chaining it together? No, that's how long it is. I just usually cut it off because it is this long? Are you just chaining it together? No, that's how long it is. I just usually cut it off because it is so long. But I figured she would need some time to do what she's doing right now, which is maneuver her laptop and plug her headphones in. Gianna, are you recording on your end? This is crazy. She doesn't have headphones in.

Are you recording? She has headphones in. Are you recording? She has headphones in. Awful internet connection. Oh God. Welcome to the show. You're joining what is quickly becoming a train wreck Johnny has Johnny talked about booba Kiki okay so

he's showing us photos and we have to basically figure out the relational booba Kiki to these photos yeah all right so Carlton and Will Smith yeah so why don't you why don't you answer this one Will is Kiki So Carlton and Will Smith. Yeah. So why don't you answer this one? Will is Kiki and Carlton is Booba.

Yeah, I agree. Yeah, same. Wow. Okay, okay. Well, it's kind of a tricky situation. Not really. The Fresh Prince and his cousin Carlton, his funny, funny cousin Carlton, are also wildly successful and also boobakiki. So you guys are right. But this relationship confused me a little

bit when I was putting this together. So I took a few pills and then after that I realized I could just create a scale that measures all shades of grey in the boobakiki dimension.

So I put this together. My fucking god. It's based on the Kinsey scale. Of sexual orientation. I don't have to dive into it completely. It's very big. I understand that. But this scale tackles all. From true booba to true kiki.

And here's where Carlton and and will will fall into the scale uh will falls into the pseudo booba because he has an outward appearance of a kiki but operates with very booba behaviors nothing that you've shown us prior to this proves that booba and kiki can be a behavior. It was solely based on looks. You started with shapes. And phonetics. Yeah. So this is... It's also unbelievably open to interpretation.

That's the entire interesting part of it, which is why you brought it up in the first place. Huh. Don't huh I stroke your chin there's nothing that you can be realizing in this moment what you're saying right now is really really booba of you and I'm noticing it

can you explain how this is based on the Kinsey scale test yeah this is way more stops. It's just a scale. It's just a scale. The fact that it's a scale, it means I base it on a scale. Let's do next slide. I just wanted to relay it back.

For every booba, there's an equal and opposite kiki. This is just things you think. There's no facts. Don't say a theorem without a proof. Yeah. This is all the proof you need. This is just shit you wrote. Look, the SpongeBob and Patrick relationship,

the booba kiki there, that's $13 billion. You can't argue with the figures. $13 billion. The show is successful because the content and writing is good okay so not that photo or how it relates to booba kiki gianna great photo though right yeah i i she agrees i don't know what's going on right now to be honest yeah well you did join 45 minutes in I'm sorry that was not my fault is that the end of boobakiki Johnny

because we can start with the next oh okay I'll just like steamroll through this there's no boobakiki in this one and guess what Fight Club actually flopped at the box office on its initial release don't base this on box office numbers.

Well, even Edward Norton went on to blame Boobucky. No, you doctored this. Edward Norton. How? I cannot doctor an IndieWire article. Yes, you can. I don't even know how to match the font. You match the font, and I know you know how to do that.

Right-click inspect inspect change the writing also Edward Norton I would say is booba can we all agree also why was he talking about the box office flop of Fight Club in 2019 when doing press for Motherless Brooklyn

did anyone see Motherless Brooklyn no I didn't want to doctor that part because i knew we can move on fine yeah next slide this is anything oh my god i spent hours upon hours between anything that has some kind of relationship yeah but booba alone two boobas can't activate that same level of dynamism that sexual chemistry that sexual dynamite that booba and why is it sexual yeah why is it sexual nothing you've shown us is related to sex at all no don't go back to that

you showed us cousins and yep yep okay so rapid fire round Mike Wazowski and James P. Sullivan of Monsters Incorporated from Disney Pixar why did you go into such detail of that one saying what studio did it you didn't mention Dreamworks when you brought up Shrek you didn't mention Nickelodeon

when you brought up Spongebob but now you're like these two characters first and last name this is a beloved children's cartoon and you're talking about sexual tension sexual dynamism it's even worse

I think that Mike Wazowski is a top powering through my god next slide anywhere you go at any time in the world there will be a boobakiki the likelihood is a hundred percent sure obviously because you're saying this exists to begin with of course there's that exactly so you agree that I am saying something interesting. I agree with the slide that you said that at any point in time, a boobakiki exists. If you're saying that a boobakiki exists to begin with, then yes, that's correct.

There we go. Yes, boobakiki exists. This is the kind of point I was trying to hammer in this entire time oh my god you've stumped me i don't know what to say this isn't anything the second one is laughs per minute isn't right because any movie is booba kiki so of course it's more than 100 billion because it's laughter is just dependent on who's watching it. Laughs per minute is not an actual unit of measurement that anyone uses. LPM.

We don't call it laughs per minute. You can't just put shit on graph paper and say that it's science. You did no research. You have no proof. I said no such thing that this was science. This is just pure fact, honestly. That's actually non-scientific but worse i was actually giving you the benefit of the doubt saying you thought this was science but you know you're open to being wrong even a little bit your astrological big three and booba kiki my astrological big three booba kiki yeah i think i need a big two

a big two like booba sun kiki rising booba sun kiki rising but you know what like everybody's been kind of uh shitting on my segment which i've prepared tirelessly How long did this take you? This actually took me three hours. And like only like 50,000 people are going to see it maybe. To be fair, he got really distracted looking up SpongeBob art on DeviantArt. Yeah, that was why. That took a solid two. Give me an olive wrench by saying this is the end of the presentation. When the world ends will you be someone's

booba or someone's kiki it doesn't fucking matter just think about it think about it for a second and there we go are you happy James you finally end on anything 18 slides my fucking god how do i make you stop screen sharing i can do it

myself promo at the end too i had to you have to do it i mean i had another segment we're 45 minutes into this thing you have to go yeah they do need to go all right so let's bid adieu to Marika and then we'll do this last segment how's that sound? okay hang on let me get something for you to go out on let me get something to go out on alright alright the worst

thanks bye terrible send off alright welcome oh sorry let me do the fucking everybody wants a fucking song I don't think anybody said they want a song I want a song

welcome to smasher pass great now this is a segment I can get behind yeah you guys have played smash or pass right where it's like kind of objectifying other humans and just saying

like who you want to fuck and who you don't of course absolutely okay so this is that but it's going to be about other shit and there's no right or wrong answers here I just thought that we could wax so smash or pass a COVID-19 booster? Smash.

Yeah. Totally smash. Correct. You said there are no right or wrong answers. Sorry, I just... That one, there is a right or wrong answer. Okay, yeah. I mean, yeah, I would agree.

Okay, how about judging a midwife's decisions outside of work? I would totally pass on that. Yeah. It depends on what kind of decisions. What are we talking about? But that's what I'm saying is like you don't get, you can't know, this is the theoretical midwife, the royal midwife. And so it's like, you don't know what their decisions are.

But can you even step into the arena of judgment? Or is being a midwife so sacral that it's like... Sacral? No, I think you can judge her. I'm going to smash on that. Nice, nice. All right. What about giving a platform to the unhoused?

Smash. Smash. Yes. Yeah. I thought Marika would say pass. I actually think that I can speak for Marika. I've known her for six fucking years, so I feel like I can kind of speak for her. She would probably pass.

No, she would pass. Why would she pass? Yeah, I don't think so she loves hierarchy she loves social no way she loves to have people uh by virtue or vice rather of policy decisions have people not have human dignity and basic needs wrong wrong i don I find it hard to believe that you've even spoken to Marika ever in your entire life. About this? No, just in general.

Like, there's no way. Like, I think, like, you kind of get a gauge on, like, someone's moral standing the first time you meet them, right? Okay. And me and Marika haven't met nearly as many times as you and her

and i know that she would definitely smash on this agree it's supposed to be fun just remember that uh paper doll by john mayer i don't know that song i'm gonna pass just to spite you. That's fair. John Mayer's hot. Agreed. Alright, now that I can agree with. If we had to just smash or pass John Mayer,

that would be easy. No, that's not what it is. It's Paper Doll by John Mayer. What about reality? We're trying to make it a little bit more fun is that all right with you or no sound like my fucking dad all right what about reality bending aspects of your smash such as reality bending aspects. I don't know, man. Like the acid tests or like any kind of thing where it's like,

you know, consciousness is altered, but you know, in a certain time period, right? Bicycle day. Is this the next one or? I don't know. Let's move on. This is is already you guys are giving me nothing what about a state sales to have a state sales to have yeah or just a state sales but yeah

state sales i would totally totally smash the state sales have you guys been to one recently a hundred percent great deals one time i pulled up to an estate sale uh that was gonna open at 11 in the morning i pulled up at six in the morning because it had so much uh 1960s mod furniture okay i was like i'm gonna walk out with so many things everything was extremely expensive so i waited there for nothing and i walked out with less than nothing. You waited for five hours. Yeah. Damn. That sucks. That's your fucking jam too.

That like mod thing. I love it. Don't even give him a smile for that because it's like he makes these decisions that he has to live with and he's still joyous of bad decision making. You're not making this any more fun than... She was trying to make it fun again. Childhood journaling fun again childhood journaling

childhood journaling smash totally smash childhood i think that's a healthy way to deal with your emotions i agree i agree did you jeff did you ever child journal as a child no okay so that explains kind of a lot right stem cell research or not or not so we're smashing or passing right so it's either to have it or not and then smash or pass it's supposed to be kind of rapid fire oh either two yeah it's smash

I totally smash yeah smash stem cells that one's tough because passing is the same as smash exactly that's why it was confusing

alright sexual analytics totally smash smash really you guys are sociopaths yeah I'd love to you yeah you

we're both from the same hometown Burlington just breeds sociopathy sociopathy sociopathology yeah sociopathology right is that what it is we're all dumb yeah we are all dumb

sociopathy I think you were right I was right it's also the thing is that weirdly there are people that listen to this show that have real jobs that affect the world in a positive way. And like sometimes we'll say something or I'll say something specifically incorrect. And then like I'll get a DM or somebody tweets at me and it's like, hey, I work in like research for like XYZ. You're actually completely off base with this thing and i'm like you'd work there and you listen to this i wouldn't trust that uh sexual analytics so like yeah basically ranking your sexual partners against each other i think that that's kind of fucked up

because it's not necessarily it's about sexual chemistry it's about kind of forging a bond with somebody if for even i assume by sexual analytics you're describing like a uh a spreadsheet a sheet that you spread a spreadsheet about just like minutes lasted um it's color-coded and shit that's what i wanted yeah but now i feel like for your own performance yeah for my own performance I'm trying to get better what's the longest you guys have ever had sex Johnny cause sometimes it gets too long and then it's like not that fun anymore for either person

oh yeah yeah like 30 40 seconds definitely let's move on what about um gatekeeping beekeeping bait keeping gatekeeping beekeeping smash did you see that lady on tikt TikTok that was like a fake beekeeper? No, but that's perfectly pertinent. No, yeah, but explain this. She had a bunch of followers and she was like making videos about like she would like have like a like a beehive that was like in danger or something.

And then she would like come up and she would like pull a queen out of her jacket and like a little clip. And she would be like, luckily, I had a queen on me right in the nick of time and i saved the hive and people were like yo this lady is a fucking liar she got like canceled i believe she wasn't a real beekeeper you saw her yeah she's yeah not real she's fake oh my god my whole world is crumbling before my eyes you gotta be more fortified as a person for that to not crumble you like that's like like that was all that meant like a whole lot it shouldn't have it should have meant little to none

market what about marketing goals slash sauce marketing goals smash your pass marketing goals slash sauce so like you're sitting there kind of setting goals for Q1 and you're like dipping carrots and ranch. Maybe. Oh, smash. Okay. I would smash the sauce part, but the marketing goals I could definitely do without. That's basically what I was doing at the HeadGum Live show in the green room. All right.

What about Meals on Wheels? Totally smash. Smash. Smash. Yeah. They're great. in the green room alright what about Meals on Wheels totally smash smash smash yeah they're great you know you're you're offering a lot of smashes

not really many passes yeah you are alright 1977 smash smash well actually

let me think about that we are the POCs in this we are yeah we had this is the second all person of color head gum podcast episode I love that yeah yeah We are the POCs in this. We are. Yeah. This is the second all-person-of-color HeadGum Podcast episode.

I love that. Yeah. Gianna, when are you moving to New York? First all Gen Z. Oh, my God. Soon, I hope. Soon, I hope, but give me money. I'm going to plug my GoFundMe, my move to New York.

Do you have a GoFundMe? No, I need to make onefundme no i'll donate to it because i'm going to work for three months so it has to be like in two weeks word december january february and potentially half of march hopefully i'll take the good old nj transit and come visit come up and see us sounds awful yeah yeah it is awful it is it's so awful what about choosing a location based on vocation smash or pass based on vocation yeah pass clearly because you still live in new jersey and you work in williamsburg worked in Williamsburg yeah see Johnny I have to smash because that's exactly what I did but what if you get a job in like like what if you get your dream job offer and it's in like Utah

that's why I say pass I'm a city boy through and through well that's what I'm saying that's why I say pass exactly I'd have to so so you wouldn't even move to somewhere that you don't like for your absolute dream job i don't think i would if it was somewhere really truly awful but you have to i feel like you have to look at it in a certain way where like okay you're there for two years maybe even a year and a half and then you have that experience under your belt that the next job you get to go back to New York

or some nonsense okay maybe I'll maybe I'll smash this you kind of convinced me be open to changing opinions uh all right we got two more let's get through these uh sacral get through it i said sacral river blessings so sort of druidry in a way

druidry setting mother earth like a table and blessing her most life-giving substance this is that sounds like an amazing thing i would totally smash yeah i guess yeah mother earth father sky grandmothers and grandfathers yes grandfather dirt all right let's round it out the joe bros chastity promise that oh i'll have to pass on i'll have to pass on that one because it was a trick it was definitely a trick question because it's chastity i'm gonna have to pass on it okay because uh i'm i'm fulfilling their wishes of chastity okay they also were not chased when they had those 100 they weren't no they weren't ferris cut this out cut out the whole taylor swift the whole segment cut out the whole segment because it wasn't good because of Johnny.

How? I was bringing my regular game. I'm not going to say my A game because it wasn't an A game. We do have to wrap things up. Plugs. What do you guys got? Gianna, why don't you go first? Oh, okay, okay, okay.

Thank you. Follow me on Instagram at Gianna. G-I-O- okay okay okay thank you follow me on Instagram at Gianna it's the sickest Instagram handle thank you so much everyone says that to me but yeah I mean that's all I got just follow me on Instagram

run it up tell me I'm hot I love that shit oh my god you don't know what you're doing you're an egomaniac. Johnny. Follow me on Instagram at Johnny V J O H N N Y V I I. One of these days I'll change it,

but we'll figure it out. Make it harder for everyone to find me. Is Johnny Villa not available? Johnny Villa is not available. I was thinking, Hey Jville, but I already snagged that. So don't nobody get wise and try to snag that one. You have like a saved account. Get wise.

Yeah. Great K wise. Kiki, change your entire personality before the next episode. Follow Grayson. Grayson. Follow great K wise as well. Yeah. Change my personality. what an awful way

to end this episode but we're gonna end it there you can follow me on Instagram at Jeffrey James on Twitter at Jeff Boyardee and we'll see you guys again next week thanks so much for listening to this episode of the head gun podcast John we'll have you back for an in person episode if you're in New York in December word and you'll be

there for the full hour of torture I'm sorry but yeah we'll see you guys again next week uh what do we even what do we do oh that that's that's doz folks i mean we're phoning it at this point That was a Hiddem Original.