The Headgum Podcast - 88: Funpology

Episode Date: February 4, 2022

Gionna and Johnny join Geoff IN PERSON to sip some Narragansetts and discuss shitcanning professors, the Swiss Alps, and notes app apologies! Check out the newest Headgum podcast, Enemies with Liza Treyger!  Subscribe to the new Keeping Records YouTube channel for new video episodes with Caleb Hearon & Shelby Wolstein every Friday!  BUY THE HEADGUM PODCAST MERCH! Advertise on The Headgum Podcast via Gumball.fm Rate The Headgum Podcast 5-stars on Apple Podcasts. Rate The Headgum Podcast 5-stars on Spotify. Join the Headgum Discord.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Original. Previously on the HeadGum Podcast. Is the conceit of a Zoom wedding that you are then, like, at some point when everything's over, going to have the, like, reception or the fun part? This one that I'm going to tomorrow is in person, but I'm not attending, but now enough people are vaccinated that they're doing it in person. Yeah, a little half and half. Yeah. What'd you say, Mir? You can do Zoom.

I said a little half and half. Oh, yeah. It's kind of like an Arnold Palmer. No, it's not. I meant like half and half. It's a little bit like an Arnold Palmer. Half tea, half lemonade, half in person, half over Zoom. Now I feel like I interrupted Lauren, but you did.

And like, you're dragging me with you. I was like agreeing with her as she was talking. Lauren I'm so sorry about Amir. Continue. I genuinely don't care and I don't even know what I was talking about That's the tagline to this show You heard it here first You absolutely heard it here first

What the fuck Are we gonna open it? Not yet. Are we? I feel like we have to do it for the second one. Lovely day for a Gansit. This is me trying to get sponsored by near against it okay new york's lager and how long have you been drinking these it's been about um huh seven years can you no way

no way can you spell it can i spell there against it okay let's see um n-a-R-R-A-G-A-N-S-E-T-T. Turn it a little bit the other way. Yeah. I mean, it wasn't as hard as I thought. Yeah, it was pretty phonetically. I said it's a lovely day for a Gansett. Okay. With some pals.

This is supposed to be, this is our second ever in-person episode. We've set up the zoom in such a way yeah that it's barely editable so a beyond your a game b enjoy you know we have this kind of live energy in a way this is awful every time i i can't leave because if i stand up then the headphones will shock you yeah it's awful so I do feel like I'm actually held here against my will which is really cool I'm not going to say that's something I set up

but it is a fortunate coincidence yeah it kind of makes sense for this show specifically yeah cheers we should say that it's 2.20 on a Thursday yeah which is a lovely time for a Gansit. Gianna's having a white clock

because she doesn't like beer. You said it was a lager. You said that was disgusting. Yeah. I am not a beer gal. I won't pretend to like IPAs or anything like that. I don't...

Oh, shocked you? No. Right on my face. Worse. So every bad thing is happening to you. Yeah. Yeah, I love this. Right on my face. Worse. So every bad thing is happening to you. Yeah. Yeah, I love this. This is my favorite episode already.

This is already one of the worst episodes we ever had. Yeah. Because there's only three of us, again. Uh-huh. There's something about this combination that other people don't want to join. Yeah. People just weren't in the office. Mm-hmm.

Because it was us three in the office. We said maybe we should record an episode. Yes. Yeah. That's exactly what happened. I know we know. I'm doing it for them and the thing is uh we didn't like how do i put this we were yeah we didn't prepare

but that's what makes it good that's what makes it it's on its toes you can feel how fragile it is yeah which to me is sort of my sweet spot that's sort of the um the batter's box in a way okay because i'm ready to slam against it stop stop talking about gansett it's become my personality you can talk about other things all right name a topic i'll talk about it okay uh what did you eat for lunch today trick question what are you talking about how about a sandwich at a hero okay great great let's talk about what was on it yeah it was honey turkey chipotle mayo okay gouda i hate that you're answering this like you're being accused it's a cross-examination when did it turn into a cross it's supposed to be fun you asked us

to ask you things you know what i don't like is like the fucking defense, the wall of defense being the Zoom that I'm not in the physical room with you guys. Yeah, now we've actually cornered you. You're throwing daggers at me. I don't appreciate it. Oh, we're going to really get into it today, though. Meaning, let's really get to know one another. We should say Gianna's hired full time now, which is unbelievable.

Congrats. We knew it would happen, but the last time you were on the show, you hadn't been hired yet. No. I also graduated college between this time and this time. Very good. Cool it with the applause. I'm just trying to give her her due. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But we can save it till the end, right? That's true. Because you are just still asking. I liked the applause. That's true. Because you are just still asking. I liked the applause. Also, last time we talked, you had to cram an entire yoga course into a weekend.

Yeah. How did that go? Did you pass? I did pass, obviously, because I graduated. Right. I didn't actually do all of the yoga that I was supposed to do. Right. And my teacher was very, very, very gracious and gave me an A- despite me missing like half of the assignments. A C would be fine.

No, exactly. And I need to email her and thank her. It's just like I've been busy. But yeah, thank you. What was your grade point average? Because this shit is going to matter in the rest of your life. She's already hired. No, like next company, they're going to ask again.

Trust me. I don't think so. No, they only ask about where you worked. 10 years down the line, they keep asking. I don't think so. You've never been

five, 10 years down the line. Yeah, I know, but I figure as much. So you guess. So you guess. Do you have your GPA on your resume? I do.

You're fucked up for that. What? Why? What's yours, 3.9? No, it was 3.5, which is not... Don't put that on a resume. It's not much to brag home, to write home about. Yeah. What's the opposite of a bragger? what why what's yours three nine no it was 3.5 which is not don't put that on the resume it's

not much to brag home to write home about yeah what's the opposite of a braggart like someone who kind of openly projects a braggart bad information about themselves self-deprecation a saggart like a sag after a brag after i don't know um but you finished up yeah with a gpa of what like a like a 3.3 3.4 i think i have the lowest gpa in college of any of us what do you have is three two that's not bad though you know how many c's i got because i just in my g's what how many c's you got like probably probably nine. What were your G's? That's a specific random ass number. Probably nine.

I don't think it was nine. Geology, obviously. Okay, seaology more or less, right? Okay, cool with the C shit because that's actually the one thing that I get insecure about. Nine, okay. I found it. Sorry, did you say nine?

No, I said C. Okay. Keep going though. Linguistics. You've been speaking English your entire life. There was, if I'm being honest, a freshman math seminar, the mathematics of gaming. Okay.

Shut up. Okay. That seems way more like interesting. Oh, I learned how to count cards. I didn't get a C in that one. Okay. Shut up. Okay. That seems way more like interesting. Oh, I learned how to count cards. I didn't get a C in that one. I got an A. It was easy because it was kind of like learning how to con. To con?

To con. Oh. So it was like card game mathematics. In a way. Like shape of my heart staying mathematics. It was like board games games every week was a different type of game okay just looking at you really really not liking your energy this is the most energy i've brought no yeah we did a vegas month okay you went to vegas

for a month yeah it was just a month for that class yeah all expense paid no way no it was it was just in class but we did talk about doing a class vegas trip for a weekend and then our our professor sanjay was kind of like you guys are i would go for the gaming but not all you guys are 21 so you're not gonna be able to get in the casinos i cannot endorse 18 year olds going to a casino i'll lose my job and uh i actually ended up and now keep in mind that this guy is uh you know son of an immigrant brown of course yeah you know doing incredibly well for himself i did petition to get him fired fired extradited even yeah i was like get out of the country like you know go back where you came from

you know and uh I don't know if it's kind of Stockholm Syndrome no 100% because everybody asked me that and um

it felt so good to dish it out to dish it out? and I can't take it at least you're honest with yourself we're all college graduates yeah

BA or BFA? um BA nice ba me too yeah nice bfa but yeah so you think i was gonna say weren't you a film major i just wanted to be a part of a group yeah the fa yeah well no no no because you guys were ba yeah yeah so i wanted to say that i was ba yeah oh but honestly this is all turning out to be BS. Oh, that's funny, I guess. Also bullshit. Not I guess. Just say if it's funny or not.

All right, so. How long have we been doing this fucking thing? Why all of a sudden the sour attitude, man? It's not all of a sudden. Oh, by the way, the fact that you say's not all of a sudden oh by the way the fact that you say sour all the time has made me say sour way more in my life um january and almost at the end of january yeah um how are you guys looking forward to beach season already hell yeah yeah i am no and then if you say no you look like an idiot i i you say no, you look like an idiot.

I guess so. I don't look like an idiot. I'm kind of looking forward to beach season. Why are you kind of looking forward to beach season? I don't like the beach. You don't like the beach? You're so fast on it. Do you like mountains? What do you like? What's your bag? I love mountains.

I love the water. I love sand. I love the sun. So you love the beach? Oh no, no i fucking hate the beach you don't like when they're all together you like sand independently of sun and water no i like it when sand water like even like the crisp air like then what do you not like about the beach desert you want a desert oasis no no that's like that's too much that's too much that's nothing but i like i really like the water especially being like right by the coastline that's the beach the coastline is the beach you're describing a beach but you're saying you hate beaches do you understand why we're confused not what do you think i guess i'm kind of picking what do you think a mountain is because you said

you loved mountains and then you're describing beaches oh Oh, a mountain's like an elevated natural landform. Okay, correct. And then a beach? Got it. So Johnny does like the beach, but you're not excited about beach season because why? It's too far away? It's not even that far away.

I actually really, I genuinely don't enjoy the beach. It's a little too boring to me. I mean what if i wanted to sit around on the sand or just sit around anywhere i'd sit around anywhere do you not swim i don't swim because the water's too cold i agree with that i don't really swim either exactly so why do you go to the beach because i like to lay on the beach and look hot. If I wanted to sit and be bored on hot sand, I would never have left the basement that my parents kept me in. Do you want to talk a little bit?

Do we need to call somebody? Do we need to talk? I'm already out of it. Yeah, obviously, but that kind of trauma does not just sit with you when you're there. It kind of follows you for the rest of your life. Well, you did say you have therapy after this. You want to unpack this? Not really.

It's not my job. But you think a therapist should. I lie to my therapist all the time. Why? You're paying money. Because I don't have enough trauma. What have you said? What have I told her?

I'm sure you've like. What? trauma what have you said what have i told yeah i'm sure you've like what i was honestly purposefully flunked in a lot of my classes those c's i was telling you about it's because people were out to get me and then i could make up these backstories about how professors you know tried to get me expelled and again the story about me trying to get sanjay gone is 100 sure so i like flip things that i do to other people. First off, bad thing. I kicked a tween down a flight of stairs and I told my therapist that was me that got kicked.

To what end? To what end? Well, it doesn't matter the end because the ends justify the means and I don't know what the means are until I do them. Does that make sense? I'm only me every day and it happens to be that I create this chaos, these horrible acts

okay so you like to be able to perform I guess in front of your therapist right like kind of put on these like little facades for them not perform as much as outright lie again to get my money's worth because if I just told her what happens in my actual life she'd be like you're fine you know so there's like i need to get advice that i can actually apply okay well have you applied any of this advice what okay well for example one of them was don't kick tweens okay that hasn't necessarily manifested in my everyday life so far because earlier today i did kick a twin i've not learned anything you aren't getting your money's worth well you are a bad person everybody needs to be

in therapy they say so i'm giving it a fucking shot and who else i gave a shot lying the whole time yeah no i i did set up you've seen these free covid tests like booths in williamsburg yeah what what are you what are you gonna say i set up a stanchion and a tent and I said free COVID tests. They were dummy tests. Can you explain what a stanchion is? It was like a banner, I think. Some kind of banner that said free COVID tests and then people came into the tent and I was like, you know, do the swab and everything. It was just a Q-tip. I don't have the tests.

It was dummy tests and they were dummies for coming me to test. Do you realize these people are kind of fearful for their lives right now? Yeah, that is kind of terrorism in a way. Okay. Wow. And now the T word comes out. Is it because I look like Sanjay? Obviously not. You're in a room with another

Sanjay lookalike. Oh my god. I can't wait until he's shit canned. I really can't. We're all people of color. Yeah. How does that mean? What? The one thing I ask of you guys

is don't bring up the C thing or interrupt me. That's the one thing. That's two things. Oh, yeah, that is. If you guys feel comfortable with it what what's your what's the race you would rather be probably be white because i'd get a lot of free shit and i'd get to hang out with like have dinner parties what do other white people do?

They play Can Jam a lot. They skirt the law. They play, what's that game with the They do skirt the law. They read Cam Jansen. Cam Jansen? Yeah, the woman with the, or the girl

with the photographic memory. I don't remember. The one with the photograph? You know, Children's Book. Yeah, no. You guys don't know Corduroy? I do know Corduroy.

Oh, I know Corduroy. The Cowardly Bear. I love Corduroy. I didn't read Curoy i do know corduroy i love corduroy i didn't read corduroy i was a little too advanced for that kind of bullshit no david have you heard what no david what is that i love no david what is no david that's a classic no david is a book that's not about david no it is about david it's uh it's a picture book and every page it says no david and this child is a dennis the menace type he's uh pushing over fish bowls no david if he's like pulling a cat's tail no david and it just goes like that and at the end it's yes david because like he feels bad for all he's done and then there's like a kind of redemption arc and at the end it's yes daddy god um did david i don't know i don't know how to

let's get that out of the way um you guys are acting like saints of Newark. Two New Jersey residents. Not residents, but alums, really. Okay. And my question is that you guys are kind of scrutinizing every decision I make. Saying, you know, casting judgment that I shouldn't set up. What you guys called terrorist. Boots of terrorism. Yeah, you shouldn't do that.

Okay, right. Bad idea. What do you guys do that's morally questionable? Morally questionable? Yeah, reprehensible even. I mean, I've been... Do that. Okay. Bad idea. What do you guys do that's morally questionable? Morally questionable? Yeah. Reprehensible even. I mean, I've been, so I have a lot of like guy friends and they all have girlfriends. They're all in relationships.

Loser. For having friends in relationships. All right. Relax. You got to be friends with single guys. I guess. I mean, not really my decision. I'm really happy for them too by the way really yeah so I've

been telling their girlfriends anytime they come over and like we're all hanging out and like let's say my friend has to go to the bathroom I'll tell her like hey you should probably paint your nails soon get your nails painted I don't know like what's gonna happen but like I feel like I have a good feeling you should probably get your nails painted and then they get their nails painted uh get the whole mani pedi thing then like weeks go by nothing happens that's so fucked you think that they're getting ready to be proposed like you're instilling the idea they might get proposed yeah yeah and i mean i don't think it's really that morally questionable because at the like right at the start they're like oh my god like oh something you think you're making people happy yeah i mean i see it in their I mean, I don't think it's really that morally questionable because at like right at the start, they're like, oh, my God.

Like, oh, something. You think you're making people happy? Yeah. I mean, I see it in their face. Promoting self-care. And they give me a big old hug. Like that, like that means a lot to me. It's morally questionable because in the end, they're left off worse than before.

They were out of stasis. You gave them a high and they end up in a low. Yeah. Like, do you see that? Well, like I said, I have a good feeling. So it's not like i'm really i'm not giving them anything concrete but you don't see how that could make someone think they're about to be proposed to or something great's gonna happen a trip or something i don't know i mean i mean i think that's why he does it because you do think about it yeah i think that i mean i don't i guess like it's in the back of my mind

like oh like this could mean like you're getting proposed to but like i don't know like if you tell somebody like i have a good feeling about you like doesn't that make them feel good right i feel physically uncomfortable i guess speak for yourself i feel like in some way this is deeply misogynistic, but I can't put a finger on why. Oh, okay, okay. I'm completely excited. That was easy. This show is webby worthy. This episode, it's actually going better than I thought,

mostly because I've gotten me to confess and you to confess to morally reprehensible hobbies, really. Gianna, what's something morally, potentially morally reprehensible that you do? I was going to bring up the group chat that we have and the fact that half of it is just... No, let's not bring that up. I'm not in the group chat, but we don't bring that up.

We don't have to talk about it. Yeah, we don't. But everything you say and do in that group chat is morally reprehensible. It's pretty bad. Have you ever cheated on somebody? No, but I would.

Oh yeah, man. Usually it's a mistake when people do. If you had said yes, it would have been like, yes, but I made a huge mistake. I feel like when everyone's cheating on a test, there's like, oh, I cheated on that test too. But that's not the same thing. because you're hurting someone instead of just like you know increase increasing your academic success well i mean like the teachers kind of hurt aren't

they no the teachers don't give a fuck yeah and if they do they suck that's what i if i was gonna be here's the thing if i ever end up being a high school teacher i'm gonna be like you guys are all getting good grades like you know if the worst you'll get is a b-minus or something Like that and you don't have to come at all But if you come show up it to learn and we'll learn and you'll get an A and you know I'll figure it out with the administration. This is you halfway through the marking period Why didn't you tell us this shit on syllabus week also you're drinking a Narragansett Can't do that. I had a teacher like that, Loki.

Shout out Mr. Lee. Yeah. Oh, from high school? From high school. He used to give me when I would skip other classes, I would like go to his class and he would write me like a late pass. It's amazing.

Wow. And where is he now? I think he's still teaching. I think he was fired. Yeah. I thought he was like, I thought he was serving like a five-year sentence for tax evasion. Yeah, tax evasion.

It was like white collar, but still kind of crazy. Don't ruin this for me. Don't ruin this for Lee. Yeah. All right, Jeffrey. Do you have a segment? We do have to take a break, and then I'll be right back with, I think, the best segment I've ever come up with on this show. Christ.

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And we're back. You guys are going to love this. I wrote this specifically for you. And if you don't like it, sorry, but I put a ton of work into it. You wrote this specifically for us in like the 30 minutes that you were writing. Yeah. But they're not 30.

It was like half a day. Let's call it. Okay. Because I started it at like one, one 10 and 220, I guess. Um, I always forget how long this song is.

Maybe you should shorten it. Get a different one. Welcome to West Alps or West's Apps. Okay. So you guys know the Alps, the mountain range. Swiss Alps, yeah. I know of them. The Western Alps is kind of like, it encompasses all of Monaco, the southeast corner of France, and some of Switzerland.

Fine. Fine. Okay, right. And then West's Alps. Any questions? I'm guessing it's Kanye West's Alps, right? Yes. Or appetizers.

Yeah, the second one. So basically, you have to think that yay eats out almost every day okay okay especially with you know julia yeah he's trying to impress what a fox that's really good um yeah he said it was good it's hard because like i'll never i'll never find somebody like Fox, let alone Lily James. Because you're just a bad person. Earlier today, I tweeted earlier today that if taking her surname was all it took, I would take Lily James' last name.

But she hasn't seen the tweet. She probably will never. Well, I was trying to add her because she doesn't have a Twitter. So I was trying to find her agents and posts. Oh, so that's bad. You shouldn't do that. They're probably not going to respond either. They, I mean, it's their job to kind of monitor.

Yeah. Yeah, they're going to monitor it. They'll probably put you on like a list. Yeah, probably like a blacklist. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. What about like a brown list?

So it's like, because I'm brown. Yeah, obviously. It's a commoner. I get like the pun and everything, but like they're definitely going to blacklist you from like future hollywood stuff bars bars i didn't explain the game it's west alps or west saps so i'm gonna either list a town okay in the western alps okay or an appetizer that kan Kanye West might have eaten at some point. Vars.

Vars. Keep in mind, he eats at very fancy restaurants. That's a town. Vars. That's correct. Vars is a town in the Western Alps. Okay. I don't know how you pronounce this.

Chorgis or Corgis. That sounds like an app to me. I don't know how you pronounce this. Chorges or Corges. That sounds like an app to me. I don't know. That's going to be a town in the Alps. Wow, Corges. All right, what about bread? Oh.

This has to be a trick question, right? Like an app, Kanye West app. That's a Kanye West app. It's not a trick question. Because a lot of times, I don't know how often you guys eat out, you don't even have to order it. They bring bread. Yes. I don't know if you were going to say something.

Corn fritters. Okay, that's an app. Correct. And this is the best segment you got. We had 40 minutes. We weren't supposed to record today. We weren't supposed to record just today. Great. That was a good one yeah gap that's a town in the alps correct um okay digne dean digne town snacks snacks yeah that's not an app nor is it a town Digné. Digné? Town. Correct. Snacks. Snacks?

Snacks. Yeah. That's not an app, nor is it a town. That's going to be an appetizer. Snacks? Snacks, yes! You can't order snacks on like a menu. What even is an appetizer then if not snacks?

You're not wrong, but you need to be specific. Because you don't go to a restaurant and you order snacks. Okay. i feel like this what about banchan banchan at korean barbecue that's just snacks i don't spilled my ganses do you go to banchan and order snacks you go to korean barbecue and order banchan banchan snacks almost you said almost it's so it's not i don't know the direct translation i just know that i get banchan and it's a bunch of snacks as apps. This is not how I wanted this to go. I feel like this game could have been interesting if you had like taken the names of like fancy foods.

You know, like French. No, of course. Of course. And I think he knows this. Yeah. Note taken. What about Alps? Alps?

Yeah. Alps is a city? Town? It's not a city or a town. It's like more of a region. How is that wrong? How about this? Pate.

That's an app. Yeah. I thought that one would get Johnny. What about Ops? Ops? Yeah. Ops. That's townaps? Oaps? Yeah. Oaps. That's.

Town. Town, yeah. Correct. Or a region or whatever the hell. It was a, well, now it's incorrect if you're changing it to that. It was actually a town. I'm not. Oh, okay. I feel like for all intents and purposes, region, town, and city can all be the same thing right now.

Because the other option is food? Yes. Yeah. What about apps that's an app all right i can see the energy i can feel it maybe they can feel it on the video or not but the energy is shifting yeah not in my favor um what about free juice free juice like free juice or yeah free juice or free juice free juice okay that's a town yeah it's gonna be a town that's gonna be maybe the southernmost part of the alps it was the fucking hand because you're approaching italy almost uh what about bay juice bay juice yeah that's a town i guess it's gotta be a town

that's gonna be bay's juice if i said it slower gross uh because she a snack oh if you're in a relationship by the way major key alert savor every last sip Last sip. Of the relationship? Every sip? Of your partner. I hate that. Enough. Wow. If you guys hate that, then you're not going to like any of the rest of this. Let's just move on. That was West Alps or West Apps.

And I had a lot of fun with that. You guys brought absolute poison to the table. And I can't believe it went this way.'m starting to get mad don't sing don't sing when you're mad um johnny you brought in a segment yeah so i think this podcast yeah uh is really good no i think it's getting a little too big for its britches right now and um And we've all done some morally dubious things. Yeah, so call me an optimist, but I really do think that we're going to mess up really, really soon. Do you want an intro song?

Do you have an intro song? Yeah. Yeah, go for it. Oh, okay. Haven't done this one in a while. That's a good one. Yeah, yeah. I hope it fits the game. Yeah,'t but all right well oh at the very least it's a good time to have a dance

to these oh no i just thought it'd be fun to have a drink oh i like that yeah it was good okay so uh in this segment i wanted to see if you guys could help me write a notes app apology. I do figure that I'm going to need it at some point. So here's what I have so far. I'm going to go line by line. And feel free to stop me if I'm going in the wrong direction. And I really do urge you to stop me so I can better hone in my apologizing capabilities. I already feel like it's gonna be bad

then but let's hear it because you shouldn't if you're presenting it to people it should have gone through a couple drafts how many drafts was it this is one this is kind of just freestyled i did like i did write a sentence like uh i'll rework that sentence are you apologizing for anything in particular well no i think like this could be like a catch-all for anything that i do Well, no, I think like this could be like a catch all for anything that I do. I think any already never mind because it should be specific to the situation. Yeah, you need to be taking accountability. And listening to like why you did something wrong.

I wrote about that. Got it. Let's just do it. So I'm not perfect. And neither are you actually. Already stop. Yeah. Because that's like even if that's true, it's a given.

You don't have to say it in a terminology. Oh, okay. So just take the second fragment out. Continue. I'm not perfect? You can keep that. That's good to admit guilt up top. Okay.

Yeah. Just don't say that about someone else. Okay. All right. All right, next line. I've been listening. I've been seeing what everyone has to say actually we should add like sad music underneath every time i start apologizing you can do it in post all right i've been listening i've been seeing what everyone has to say and i waited till general discourse slowed to a crawl before finally making a statement.

What is an apology, really? Sounds too sad. This is a fun apology. No way. Stop. It's already not a catch-all. Let's just plug and play something horrible you did. Right? Let's maybe say you made disparaging comments about one of your colleagues who happened to be a woman.

Oh, okay. It was me. Okay. Yeah. We'll use you as an example. You make disparaging comments about me all the time. Don't.

Okay. Make a fun apology because it's not fun. Everything you've said so far has been dire. Okay. And then you kind of want to make it fun

because you're not having fun you're not supposed to have fun you're in the doghouse yeah i well i mean when you read someone's uh notes app apology too like you feel like kind of sad when you're walking into like reading it so i wanted like this is in the next line yeah uh you're gonna leave this post better than when you walked in okay it's not a physical space. Two sentences in a row you mentioned walking into an apology. It's a notes app. Post.

Yeah. Yeah. Okay. So it's good? No. Take out fun apology. Take out the last sentence as well. Fun apology was like one thing that you were really happy about.

I was really happy about it. But like obviously it's like not fun to you guys whatever maybe i'll keep it in what i did was funny can we agree cut cut that part for sure it wasn't funny if you're apologizing okay okay i get why people are upset what do you want me to say i'm sorry for being funny no no no no you're just gaslighting everyone better to not post this at all but like we can like rewrite this a few more times and then we'll probably get it to like a place where you can at least live in the drafts all right okay yeah oops so i do that three times it's oops three times in a row

oops oops oops yeah how did you think that this was good to present how long did this take this took me like 30 minutes okay i'm glad it wasn't more than that it's still your better judgment. I'm going to kick it in. This is crazy. No way. And then like in the middle of the post, we're going to have an ad break. Oh my fucking God.

You're monetizing an apology. Who's the ad? Who's the company that you had maybe sponsoring this fun apology? Buy three free meals with HelloFresh. No way. For free using promo code notes app. Now you're making money off the traction of a public apologyFresh. No way. For free using promo code notes app. Now you're making money off the traction of a public apology. Yeah.

No. Promo code notes app? Yeah, yeah. I mean, obviously it's going to be whatever. Why would you want to draw attention to the fact that it's a notes app apology? I mean, I work with advertisers. They want to know where it came from. So using the promo code notes app, they can track.

Focus on the victim the person you've hurt not a major conglomerate yeah yeah food delivery service it's great right no it's not you're not hearing us okay let's keep going will i change well yes ask me in five years no way till then can we really predict the future if you keep going on a tangent about the future well i mean i think everyone's thinking about the future right not when they're reading on notes apology from you by the way in this case you must have done something at least where there was news about it because you're posting this yeah not calling there was a lot of discourse there's a lot of this well i mean it slowed a lot like i

waited until like people stopped talking about it to bring it up again why would because like it was too much like everyone was kind of coming at me from all sides so you're not even worried about the victim you're worried about how you felt because usually it's like we want to wait till everything dies down because you want to privately apologize. It's my post. It's my notes. It's your moment. My moment to shine.

Okay, so. Continue. Future, great. So far I think we've kept of the sentences you've said we've kept four. Well, I'm not perfect. But we're editing the other ones.

I think like in every draft like you kind of have to rewrite pretty much everything, right? No, usually you just like, you know, you whittle down is the ideal. So like the last couple drafts, you don't have to do much. Oh, okay. So this is the first draft.

This one's almost a total rewrite. Which is fine. I've had to do that before. That's not surprising. Let's keep doing the rest of it. Anyway, I'm a good person. The blame should really be shifted somewhere else the situation in iran is getting really crazy oh that's where that energy should go that's where that energy should

go don't repeat yourself do not repeat yourself for emphasis don't bring foreign policy into it you're politicizing and monetizing a public apology for a horrible wrongdoing that you did. It's going to get likes, a lot of views. It's going to, at the very least, the people who are mad are going to see it. Okay. And by the way, I did read over your shoulder earlier just a little bit that sentence, I'm pretty sure. And your original draft, and I'm glad you made this change. I don't think it should be Iran, but it was originally going to be Kony 2022.

Yeah. 10-year anniversary. Why don't we talk about that yeah yeah no but like i didn't like it wouldn't have been as evergreen because i wrote 2022 and like after 2020 what if iran's fine yeah what if it's also not ever like any like america's gonna meddle in iran for some reason why are we writing an evergreen apology? Because it's, we're going to need it. Trust me.

We? I'm not a part of this. Maybe, like, ask me in five years. Eventually, you are canceled for something and post a public apology and you're like,

by the way, thanks to my buddies, Gianna and Jeff, for really helping me through this entire process. And writing this apology for me. I haven't talked to Johnny in five years.

There's more? There is. We writing this apology for me. I haven't talked to Johnny in five years. There's more? There is. We're about to close it. Till then, peace and love to my fans who have stuck by me. And to my haters, I offer you nothing.

Later, y'all. Honestly, I kind of fuck with that lad. No way. You can't give him that. His haters hate him for a reason now. That's true. That's true.

You can't say it's a good one. I like that energy on a general note. But yeah, I think in this situation. And like in a notes apology, it's like really good. I think let's just do kind of a recap on what to change. And I'm not only about the notes app apology but about you okay yeah i'm small ears it doesn't feel like it but yeah let's go number one don't create evergreen apologies because apologies should be singular to each person that you wronged

okay number two i would say actually don't maybe don't go public maybe reach out to the person individually so that they know that you actually give a shit and think about them instead of taking it as your moment to monetize and politicize yeah okay and then four this is just more on a micro scale for this apology i would cut everything other than i'm not perfect you don't even say i'm sorry you don't even say i'm sorry oh you try to solicit forced or switched blame you try to like yeah shift it to a struggling country i know, I did say I'm sorry. I'm sorry for being funny. Yeah.

I'm not perfect. I'm sorry. That's it. What about the oops? Absolutely cut the oops. Well, I do challenge you guys to write a better notes of apology. Because I am trying. That's what's most concerning

I was going to say once we transitioned away from the recap is that I like we're here for you yeah and I'm glad you guys are here just hear us out because you might not like the cost of it is that we're here for you for whatever you need and you have a support system yeah yeah yeah you don't

have to make these thanks by the way listen you're not listening that's another thing you have to work on is that maybe you don't make these like big swing cries for help on public forums where like 40 000 people are going to see this okay and they're going to think that you're doing well or that this is a comedy bit we're here with you we know you personally that this is an actual cry for help because you're actually dealing with stuff yeah and now you're getting sad because you're starting to sink into the real feelings it's all right though therapy it's not it not right. That's what we're saying. Well, regardless,

I'm glad you guys were here to help me brainstorm because these celebrities who do these No Tap Apologies, they do have full PR teams and we don't have that kind of luxury. You, not we. You keep saying we. I don't want to be LinkedIn because also this kind of supposes that something bad's going to happen. Oh, so you have a PR team or something?

No, I don't. Exactly. So we don't have that luxury. But we don't have any skeletons in our closet. I also want to clarify that even though it sounds nice, I'm not really a part of your support system. Oh, okay. So like, yeah. Okay.

Fuck. This is like a real kick in the teeth. Teeth. Yeah. But it's nice. It's not nice. You're on the verge of tears this is crazy i've never seen him like this yeah i think we should probably cut to a break uh we did this again we did this last week i've said we've never done it but now we're doing it two

weeks in a row let's just kind of regroup and we'll come back and wrap the show up. This is so fucked. And we're back. Let's go. Can you please i'm back on the saddle baby apologized ready to go what's the next wave let's go what's the next wave let's the next wave guys let's go what are you talking about when we were testing the mic levels you specifically said that you were not gonna scream yeah so i probably clipped pretty bad but it'll be worth it oh my fucking god um it's been 40 minutes um let's wrap things up plugs

Gianna what do you have going on what do you want to point the people to follow me on Instagram at Gianna spell that out for the people I'm gonna fucking spell it out you bet your ass I'm gonna spell it out you were crying in the break you teared up yeah but i'm back i'm ready for another 50 minutes of this shit yeah uh follow me on instagram at gianna g-i-o-n-n-a propose marriage to the comments

to the comments yeah yeah i'll do that to me in the comments and we should say you're in a gainfully employed relationship you're not gonna say yeah no i'm not i'm not gonna say anything back but um i think it's a little it's it's a little game that we have going on people enjoy it okay sure if that's the bit that you're gonna go dog and pony show this cat and mouse game propose marriage in the comments yes especially the women who listen to this podcast yes especially the women honestly you have to say my name first johnny i motioned with my eyes because we're in the same room okay finally i do Y V I I follow me there where my notes app apology might be you gonna

post it probably I was probably supposed to post the amended version and it's even worse so yeah go check out Johnny's Instagram that's also my plug is that Johnny V your memes are hilarious thank you I appreciate that no shade on Gianna but also like

you don't post memes. I actually am considering unfollowing the meme accounts that I follow. I think they flood my feed and it's too much. They're not ever funny or things that I need to be a part of I feel like anymore. I feel like it's a good...

I follow a few good ones. I follow a lot of bad meme accounts yeah because i think it's just good to see like oh people are laughing at these things like that's what pisses me off i think about it is that like i'm just like this isn't anything like i you my i we were just talking about this i feel like last weekend was like of nba twitter and nba instagram of just like lebron kind of has a misstep or like steal somebody's like water and then gives it back to them two seconds later and everybody's like 10 cry laugh emojis

and they're like straight comedy. And I'm like, no, it's not. He's kind of goofy. But if he was in a room with normal people and wasn't the best basketball player of all time, nobody would think that's funny and it's not. I think that's why it's so it's so funny on like a meta level on a meta yeah uh and in the metaverse yeah we're in the metaverse oh

yeah yeah we've been to the metaverse yeah nobody knew who you were the metaverse why did that actually resonate i was like fuck that's what you say to lebron and it really affects him um no i think have you seen you've seen footage of the metaverse right yeah it's janky as fuck it is have you seen the grocery shopping video oh yeah i love that oh we can create an entire great world and then you're doing the same old shit. What is the point of that? You can't afford the groceries. It makes no sense. It looks, the graphics are horrible. This is what companies are delving billions of dollars into.

It's also just VR. Like they're acting like it's this groundbreaking technology and it's just VR. And I got a little fucking VR headset for Christmas when I was like 15. Yeah, I hung out with Marika in a vr chat room in like 2020 and nike putting money into that experience i can't imagine that because i mean no no shade to marika but that was one of the worst experiences i like it's probably i saw an article and i don't

mean to keep a keep us going for this oh i'll cut this out, but yeah. So it'll be a tight product but you can spew nonsense. Alright, whatever. I read an article that was saying that Facebook, or sorry I should address it by its real name now Meta just patented

a technology that will track your eyes and also the way your body moves in VR, in the VR space to serve you ads, which is insane. That's awful. Yeah, it's literally so crazy. What does that mean? So like, I guess if you like move a specific type of way, like you'll get ads recommended

based on that. So I guess like if you move like you have like joint pain. Yeah. Like what the fuck? If guess like if you move like you have like joint pain. Yeah. What the fuck? If you limp when you move. There was actually this woman in England I think probably like

in the late 80s early 90s I think and she patents into Robert. She what? No. Thank you guys so much for listening to this episode

of the HeadGum Podcast we'll be back again next Friday again with the White Vans and this was great I think we all had a great time especially at the end

no the ending was probably the worst part yeah I agree thank you cheers Norm Norm That was a Hiddem original.