The Headgum Podcast - 9: Subjective Trivia (w/ Zach Dunn!)

Episode Date: July 17, 2020

Zach Dunn (writer on WHAT WE DO IN THE SHADOWS) joins Amir, Pile, Marika, and Geoff to talk all things Shadows, Pile's upstate house, and Nicholas Sparks. Plus, Geoff gives away $600!Advertise on The Headgum Podcast via Gumball.fmRate The Headgum Podcast 5-stars on Apple Podcasts.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. Let's just say every episode we've done this far hasn't been fun let's give a warm welcome to zach dunn you're alienating him right off the top you're making it seem like it's him versus us or something like that no i'm just like you know bring him into the fold in a nice friendly manner but you're like sort of antagonizing it i don't think he feels that way zach do you feel that way um no it feels like a lot of pressure like it feels like you're saying it hasn't been fun and then now it all kind of lies on me to make it fun but yeah it's okay i mean it's okay i'm i'm up for the challenge i'm happy to be here with you guys nice nice to nice to be here okay let's take it again then. Let me think of another rhyme. Everything up until this point is unusable, but starting now, the show becomes feasible.

And then I'll kind of pitch shift it in post to make it rhyme. Like a slant rhyme. A what? A slant rhyme. Let's really get into this. So, Zach, you are a writer on What We Do in the Shadows, so we wanted to bring you on because everyone at HeadGum can't get enough of this shit, dude. Right?

Oh, that's nice. We're watching it at week to week. We're binge-watching it, banking EPS in a way, writing our own specs. Mariko wrote one. And this whole episode is going to be you doing a sample pitch. Perfect. I mean, look, I think that's great. So you're binging it and watching it week to week?

So somehow we figured out this system where Pyle hasn't finished it. I've already finished it, but in a way we're all kind of binging it, as in we can't get enough of it. That's what I meant to say. Right, but binging has a very specific meaning, like now in the modern parlance when talking about a TV show. So I don't I don't know. I don't think that's the best way to say that.

OK, well, that brings me to our first segment. That brings us to our first segment. I mean, your COVID updates, COVID-19 in Los Angeles County. What about him? Like, oh, record highs today in terms of cases, deaths, hospitalization. So but everything is bad, getting worse. OK. And there's no like there's no vaccine

on the horizon because i was watching something on reuters actually and uh fauci was saying by the by december or january we should have one approved for emergency use and i can't help but feel like this is an emergency in a way of course it's an emergency but yeah i wouldn't bank on anything five six seven months away another five, seven months to roll it out. Who knows how effective it'll be. There's, yeah, don't think of it as like a light at the end of the tunnel. It's the halfway point. And we can't even see that from here.

Is that what you're asking? I feel like we started this episode out on the wrong note. I shouldn't have started with COVID update. Because this is a comedy show. Oh, got it. Okay. All right. So yeah, ask me something a little more light-hearted i

guess okay how's your um four thousand yeah four thousand cases in la i said record high but i didn't specify 4400 i think 2000 for yeah that's a lot it is a lot but we have like a lot more to grow too there's no reason i think it's going to slow down anytime soon um okay all right ask me the question i feel like we should move on because i feel like I can't. Now I'm in this headspace where I can't think of anything lighthearted to say. I like the feasible thing. You said everything has been unusable,

but now it'll be feasible. Feasible, yeah. Something like that. I can't quite remember. So what this show is to you, Zach, and to everyone who's listening, because I can't help but feel like

we're going to get a weird spike in numbers this week, new listeners, you know, kind of growing the show in a way, is we try to let... I have that effect on a lot of shows. Yeah, yeah, you do numbers. Immensely popular. I kind of hit you guys with some conversation enders in a way,

and then you kind of have to dodge it and navigate it. What it was originally supposed to be was an inside look an inside scoop on the uh on the podcast network of head gum but marika you're gonna say something yeah i was just gonna say that's a really good description of what this is conversation enters that you have to dodge pile i start with i'm drinking a pile driver which is andrew pile here is our CTO. He built the Vimeo player and he also built the Pile Driver,

which is a mocktail consisting of Pomplamoose LaCroix and lemon juice. And bitters. I didn't do the bitters. You forgot the bitters? I don't have bitters. I'm at home right now. That's what makes it a mocktail.

It's already pretty bitter if it's grapefruit and lemons, right? You have to also make it bitterer. It's not bitter enough. It's sour, and then you want to add depth to it, I think, Pyle, you said. It adds depth to it? Yeah, it adds depth to it. What are you drinking now?

It looks like a new mocktail. No, it's a Pyle Driver. Why do ours look so different? It's dark and cold because you didn't add the bitters. I know. Yeah, it has bitters in it. That's why it's red. driver. Why do ours look so different? It's dark and cold because you didn't add the bitters. I know. Yeah, it has bitters in it. That's why it's red. Peychaud's or?

Angostura. Angostura. I have tiki bitters that I've been using in my pile drivers, and I don't think they're good. I don't think they're what it should be intended to taste like. What does it taste like? Like clove? Do all bitters have that weird ill-fitting label,

or is that just a specific brand where a piece of paper is coming off the bottle? That's just Angostura. It's like the trademark thing. You can't, like, we can't copy that. I guess I'm bitter about that. Like, find a paper that fits the bottle. It shouldn't be loose at the top like that.

That's not an interesting thing about it. Amir has slatted blinds, and it looks like you're in a detective we really should talk about this but it's so bright it's cool I think it's cool thank you your shirt looks striped your arms look striped I mean I'm loving it it's I mean it looks like you just took one of those um whiteout like roller things and just went across your entire body yeah i like to imagine that it's nighttime where you are but you've kind of um you've faked it

you've you're doing day for night or night for day yeah there's a really powerful light on the other side of these venetian blinds um so zach you write for what we do in the shadows as we said yeah uh is there anything else that you would like to be defined by you have a beard oh wow just like in my life yeah i have a beard but i don't always sometimes i shave you know we went to college we went to college together i don't think that defines me but it's definitely a factor it's a relationship relevant yeah it's a relationship factor we go to college together i was a senior when you were a freshman correct we did improv together but we did improv together uh you know other than that i guess that i don't know i sometimes have a beard i think i'm i'm i'm fairly meek as a person um in stature or convictions both both i i have a really i have really bad posture um which i know doesn't always

come across on a podcast so now i'm glad everyone can picture me as just kind of a hunched over both both i have a really i have really bad posture um which i know doesn't always come across on a podcast so now i'm glad everyone can picture me as just kind of a hunched over no i'm trying to sit up i think it comes i think it comes across somehow okay good sorry i sorry i clarified then um yeah so we went to college together i've watched you kind of flourish and blossom in a way since then uh you've been a bachelor of arts, fine or otherwise, and then now you're gainfully employed. And I'm at a loss for employment in a way. So, like, I think that's the opposite of gainful.

Marika? You're right. I don't know what the opposite is. You're not. You're getting paid to do this. Your job's happening right now. Right. No, no, no no no okay that makes sense Amir you left

college you ended up working at College Humor Zach you left college now you're working at What We Do In The Shadows Marika you left U of Chicago which is basically an Ivy right yeah Pyle you built Vimeo so I can't help but feel like I need to find my niche you know

I don't know how those are related. It seems like you're trying to say you're not happy where you're currently at. To your co-workers. I'm an outside observer here. I don't want to be in the middle of anything, but it just feels like you're just telling your co-workers and sometimes your bosses that you don't

want to be there. He does every conversation backwards. He starts with how it should end. He asks a question, no one answers, and then he just answers it because it was a rhetorical thing that he just wanted to talk about, and then no one has any comments because it's usually really sad or offensive, and no one wants to jump in and be like, either taken to task or associated with the comments.

This show ruins my appetite. I arrive hungry and i leave nauseous and full but i don't eat anything along the way is that why you look sort of like frail because most a lot of people have been gaining weight in quarantine but you feel like you're kind of a whisper now yeah i just it's hearing you talk it makes me carsick even though i haven't been in a car today if that makes sense no that makes sense but that's why i'm kind of even though i haven't been in a car today if that makes sense no that makes sense but that's why i'm kind of your motion to me yeah is that this yeah you're just you're kind of like you're i don't know it feels like you're giving me motion sickness or something yeah all right well then everybody

strap in good segue amir because now we're gonna really get into it all right rapid fire time to zach any questions regarding what we do in the shadows i'll start us off what character is the most fun to write for and there's no pressure here just kind of that's a good question i guess i was expecting kind of a joke question but that's just kind of a nice normal question um now my answer i guess is also going to be boring i think my the best the most fun is nandor i like right i i think that they're they're all i mean look it's a it's a it's a insane it's a it's a job i feel very lucky to have the actors are so funny it's insane they make everything like i guess that's like i feel like a cliche people say but they truly they improvise a lot they make everything much funnier um and he's just so funny his his delivery of everything uh he was definitely the person because I started writing on it for season two the season that just

aired and that was definitely the person I was most excited to write for and it felt great just whatever being able to hear lines you wrote coming out of his voice and doing that silly cute accent he does. Yeah. So he's my favorite. But they're all great. And we should say that you wrote the superb owl episode. Yes. Yes.

With my writing partner. Jake. Jake. Hurwitz. Yeah. I don't know how to. I wasn't sure how to bring it up. Wow.

Yeah. Should we talk about it? Shocking to learn. It's not like an exclusive partnership. I don't know. to bring it up. Wow. Yeah. Should we talk about it? Shocking to learn. It's not like an exclusive partnership. I don't know. Not anymore, yeah. So you wanted it to be exclusive? It's up to Amir, honestly.

I'm chill. Amir seems upset. I'm just learning about all this at once, and it's hard to... Sorry about that. What was that? Are you listening to a... I was downloading something,

and I guess it finished downloading as I was recording, and then it auto-played in my iTunes. So it was like a podcast starting during a podcast. And for like a few brief seconds, this podcast was slightly better because it meant that there was another podcast about to happen. And I turned it off, and now I have to fucking talk to you again. What show was it?

It was a yet-to-be to be released HeadGum podcast. Is it? I mean, we can talk about it. Is it? We obviously can't. That's why I said a yet to be released HeadGum podcast. All right. So like the reason I was being like, don't say all right, because you still don't get it.

The reason I was being like a little cagey and coy is because I didn't want to say whose podcast it was. Okay. I know you're going to say, all right, but you still don't get it. I don't want you to say, don't nod like you say you got it. Yep, I see you're nodding. You're mouthing namaste. Do not say the name of the show starting now. That's all you have to hear. Don't say the name of the show.

I'm sorry. I'm hosting it. That's the name of the show. You said don't say the name of the show. You said, don't say the name of the show. Please bleep it. Keep this in. Constantly bleep it.

Now do not keep it in. Don't keep it in. And now I have to fucking listen to this entire episode again, just to make sure that you're going to bleep this. Leap that part. Cut this part. I thought you listened every week. Start from the thought.

Now I do listen every week. I don't have to listen before it comes out to make sure that that part's not in there if that makes sense i'd listen before it comes out i have to listen now because i have to listen to you sure i'm sick and tired then i then i have to listen when it before it comes out which is like another layer of listening to this shit that i don't want to do because i don't know if you might like edit that part into a different part so i have to like go over there with a fine-tooth comb then i have to listen when it's actually online so you're yeah again you're pointing and nodding like you got it you don't got it you fucked up you're gonna fuck up again move on and i'll deal with it later no that's actually a good idea the idea of kind of taking

the audio what you didn't want me to say in context in context you didn't want it so if i put it after the ad break suddenly you know bingo bango we're cooking with gas i'm to blame for this i'm sorry to everyone else for you second question about what we do in the shadows what inspired the superb owl episode was that like a bit that you did with jake is that like um uh another just banger of a question thank you thank you so much uh you know we we broke the whole season as a room in new york i was living in new york for a little bit we were that's where we were doing it and that was it was not our idea the episode it was like most of the episode ideas are kind of like the room comes to them. And then I believe America Sawyer, who's a really incredible writer who wrote for the show pitched,

we were talking about them going to Superbowl party. And I believe she pitched the superb owl thing. Now I guess people are like saying that it's like the Reddit joke, which like we all knew that it was a stupid, whatever. It's fine. But no, let's really get into it.

No, let's get really into it no i don't know i i think it was fine i think i was i was more uh nervous about it i don't know people being like this joke's been done before and i we're like we're just trying to do it in a very stupid different way for a second but anyway um so that was it but we were very excited to do that episode because it's kind of a like very sitcom episode. That's all about like their neighbors and has less like supernatural and like vampire stuff. And we were like, oh, we could just write about like stupid Staten Island people.

So the joke of the fact that like Nadja, she that she's known their grandmother since she was like five. And then but then plays it off as elder abuse. That was our favorite, favorite thing to work on. And that was really fun. The there's a very old lady was very sweet. She's in the movie Joker. Really? Oh, the woman who plays.

That's a little exclusive here. I mean, it's on IMDb where someone to look. But hearing me say it isn't exclusive to this podcast um she plays the other guest on the robert de niro's talk show that's the only scene of joker i've seen it seems like the one to see right yeah well because de niro right and i'm all about it de niro and i've seen a lot of his stuff so that's awesome how many of his how many of his movies have you seen you know I don't really I don't count you know because it's not about the number of movies he's been in which is impressive but it's more about the art of it all so feel free

to shoot me any like De Niro trivia and I'll just I'll get it perfectly um at any time throughout this episode this can be like a runner in a way Marika how many how many movies has he made you said he's made an impressive number of movies how many has he made well it's like beyond and i know the answer i just don't want to give it away it's like no spoilers okay because like kind of guess and you tell me we'll guess if you know the answer okay 38 no it's not that higher or lower well if i give you that answer it's like kind of a gimme but it's higher 39 no 300 it's not it's less than 300 but that's a good guess 98 hang on why so you're looking at the answer it seems like your computer. You're typing. We can hear you typing. No, this isn't. I'm Googling.

I'm trying to set a reservation. That's impossible. That's even more embarrassing right now. I don't think that's a good idea. It's a camping reservation for next year. Where? It's Yosemite, but this doesn't feel pertinent to the show,

especially this segment, which is supposed to be what we do in the shadows definitely something you shouldn't be doing during the show exactly you did say hang on you told us to hang on well that doesn't mean you can't talk amongst yourselves we kind of can't 121 movies 121 movies has he been in at least I think

at least so 122 no at least 121 as in there might be more that he's like wrapped in a way. Or is in production in. But, you know, any quick Google search will, like, confirm that I said that. But you weren't doing a Google search for that. You were setting up a campsite for next year at Yosemite. I was joking about the camp reservation.

It was a dinner reservation. Yeah? Where? Yeah. It was... Give me a second. You you have to you should know this with it yeah it was at gracias madre which is a sorry it's a restaurant in west hollywood california serving farm to table vegan fare you didn't know what is it for you you were just

looking it up like so you're saying you got the reservation and then you figured out what the restaurant was after? Well, it was going to be. Also, are you in Ohio? What's that? Are you in Ohio? Yeah, I am. This reservation is for. Okay.

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This is the third What We Do in the Shadows writing-related question. Do you have any regrets? So you're saying specifically to that show? It can, I mean, in any regard. Anything? Ooh, a lot. I'll keep it to the show I'll try to okay

you know they should it's the show shot in Toronto it is and mm-hmm I did not know that there's another exclusive for the podcast show shot in Toronto and I went

there for a week when they were shooting our episode and I kind of regret I feel like I should have stayed a little longer and to like get to know Toronto a little bit to walk around Toronto and and learn about it I feel like I spent like three hours getting to know Toronto and I I feel like I wasted my opportunity what did you do in that three hours um I went to a dim sum restaurant and I went to a museum.

Classic Canada stuff, right? It's like all indoor activities for a city that you wanted to explore and learn about. Well, there you go. There's kind of the core of my regret. Yeah, it makes sense. You should be sad about that. Yeah, thanks. I sent you an email about next week's content meeting if you could just respond

it's almost 9pm eastern time right now which means it's 7 no sorry 6pm so it's after work hours it's 5.55 so he has 5 minutes to respond and it's not going to affect the show

it's also for something next week so so it could have waited to not. And you want me to do it right now? I would love an answer, yeah. Now it's four minutes and 30 seconds. So if you could just, this one's about the podcast. Again, another one you can't mention. Just don't say anything out loud about the network. We gave you this show.

You have to keep things vague. You can't say the other person's name. You can't say this person's name. it or some exciting new podcast i just yeah exactly they would be they should be and you're sort of leaking the information out in a really unproductive way so sorry zach you had to hear that and i shouldn't be this uh rude to jeff but like he literally doesn't understand unless i like lay it out like this in plain english and even then i get very i get that low expectations yeah i support you cut that name out the last host and this is doesn't understand unless I like lay it out like this in plain English and even then I get very I get that low expectations yeah I support you cut that name out the last host and this is the last

host that I'll kind of out in a way and but you said don't you said be vague you said be vague so I'll be vague her name is two cities her name is two cities so the first name is it's not yeah this isn't a this isn't a guessing her last name is like, you know, Blink. Don't use any of this. Don't use any of this. Okay, there we go. Got it. There we go. I was getting there.

We cannot, we, again, don't use any, yeah. I mean, none of this has been useful so far. This show's been about 15 minutes long thus far. Okay. Well, usually it's like we record for like, just so you know, pile. We go for like 95 minutes and then we cut it down to about an hour no i've actually been on the show before i don't know why i'm on this time because you watch shadows you said you wanted to be on this

episode it seems like your friends don't care about shadows and that's okay you care about shadows yeah and then you're not even letting andrew talk you brought him on the show to you have a writer on the show you said i brought him on because he's a big fan but so far you've led the entire conversation you haven't said anything it's not a dictatorship anybody can chime in whenever they want barely come up with the like the art um cutaways to like pictures that like you know or sketches of their past lives and things like that i'm wondering like is that in the script or like how does the like how does that work because it's so it's some of the funniest stuff to me when they cut away to the various like pieces of art i agree they do such a insanely good job finding stuff i think sometimes it's in there but it's like usually pretty vague

when it's in the script it's like we see some images of whatever uh an old creepy looking vampire and then sometimes it'll be like uh nothing and then it just is figured out in the edit and just like whenever they're in like the talking head i think they like to try to layer in over images and other videos to try to keep it more uh dynamic and stuff but yeah i guess there was a picture, I think in season one, that I remember people talking about that was like people having sex and it's like a circle of people having sex. Probably for the Orangey episode.

There's like a penis, whatever. It's like a big circle. And I think they were talking about how like, whatever, the art department found that picture and it was a really exciting day. And I think we were excited that FX didn't blur it. They just aired that picture. So some of it is found artwork that exists and then some of it's created for the show specifically. Yeah, I think that probably for those, most of it is found unless it's like specific to the characters or maybe it's like edited to feature the characters.

But as I answer this question, I'm realizing I might not know the answer. I just want to make clear. I'm like a low level writer on this show. Like I'm not involved in that much of the decision making and stuff like this. So there's a chance that everything I'm saying is wrong and stupid. This isn't a question. I just wanted to shout out some of my favorite lines from your episode that I knew that you wrote. Wow, this is a fun podcast.

People just being nice. Well, again, anyone can chime in at any moment. The one where he's like, nice work, pimp. Is it just me or is this guy a total pimp? So that's actually just for context. Thank you, for context this will be a spoiler alert, but basically um Guillermo gizmo Becomes and we might have to bleep this out and what I'll talk to Ferris about it But he meets with a group of vampire killers right the shows been out for like months who cares well I've been I've been making all my friends watch it and

You really have you have oh that's sweet jeffrey which brings us to our last shadows question before i open the floor why should people watch this show what's the why now wow why is it the why now i mean there's never been a more topical or or important show um i don't know i mean they shouldn't they it doesn't matter there's there's a million more better things they should do but i think it is silly or important show. I don't know. I mean, they shouldn't. It doesn't matter. There's a million more better things they should do, but I think it is silly and funny.

I think that it's fun. They'll have a good time. It's a little scary if you like that. I mean, it's got something for the whole dang family. You know what? People should watch this show.

Easy, easy. And I hope they enjoy it. You're standing up. And fuck every other show. Seriously, fuck those shows. Well, there are some other good shows. Fuck Stabs, you know? I mean, that's Zoe's Extraordinary

Playlist. No, that one's good. Both of those are pretty good. John from Cincinnati, you know? Like, people need to be watching while you're doing the shadows. That one's 14 years old. Kind of a deep pull, but... 15-year-old HBO show, right? People are watching it. Like, you're not going to convince me

no one's watching that right now. When they could be watching what we do in the shadows. So now you're mad that people are watching? I'm feeling pissed off because you've kind of built me up during this podcast. I said in the beginning I was meek,

but now I'm feeling so confident from all this stuff, and I'm feeling like, fuck these people that are, you know, out there watching camping or whatever. It's just not. They should be watching what we do in the shadows. They can do both because the show will eventually end. They'll run out of episodes of camping to watch and then they can watch shadows.

I mean, rewatch them. I don't know. Now I'm pissed. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. No, you can take a minute. Oh, I'm pissed. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. No, you can take a minute. I guess this is the perfect time to segue into our next segment, which is something Nicholas Sparks wrote or a child explaining how fruit works. So what I'll do, this is sort of like a mini game. And so I'll kind of tell you guys, like, I'll give you guys a quote. And then it'll either be something that Nicholas Sparks wrote or said, or it'll be a tween or a toddler or anything in between talking about berries.

How did you source the quotes from the children? Those were mostly things that I've just heard the little buggers say. I was a babysitter in high school. You remembered them, you wrote them down. Yeah, so let's just say these are all paraphrased and even some of the spark stuff i might be fibbing a little bit okay number one romance is we just shout it out if we know the answer is it like you're going one by one is it let's go one by one let's go one by one because there there are some like turns in some of these where you think it's sparks and it's actually a freaking eight-year-old got it number one romance is thinking about one by one like are you gonna

tell someone are you gonna call on someone are you gonna say okay we say it and then we all come to a consensus or you guys kind of just like shout it out it doesn't matter but let me get it out first okay number one romance is thinking about so not one by one sorry right one by one you said let's do one by one and now off you want all four of us to sort of yell the answer one by one quote do you want and then we all come to a consensus one by one quotes and then you can shout it out we all including you you know the answer i'm not playing i'm the consensus i see so a consensus amongst the four others okay the room okay yeah yeah all right romance is thinking about your significant other when you are supposed to be thinking

about something else. So it's obviously Nicholas Sparks. It's a small child. You don't have to clap because a small child wouldn't be saying significant other. We also didn't come up with a consensus. You just sort of gave it away as soon as. Like I would have said the same thing, but I didn't really have a chance. Sorry.

Yeah, consensus. It would have been like a fun little healthy debate if I was trying to convince the group about the fruit. But you sort of got rid of that. There's another potential host. Sorry. No, you're not. Marika says sparks. Do we agree?

Yeah. Correct. Obviously, you clapped. Correct. That one was sparks. Yeah, you clapped. Two. This is the second one.

So a strawberry is red and sweet, but don't eat the green parts i mean the kid fruit thing yeah child said that because the other option is nicholas sparks talking about anything or love or like sparks can also be referring to fruit sparks might be talking about fruit you don't know what his views are in terms of his diet and stuff sparks like he eats clean obviously he eats clean because he's kind of made some money and he's been there done that he obviously lives in the pacific northwest he did the notebook he did i think he did sleep he doesn't just live i i have i have a spark story not to derail too much but he he's from he's from north carolina where i'm from originally and he he like owns a weird school called epiphany epiphany yeah that's like that's and uh my middle school

would play basketball against the nicholas spark school and they were the only school we'd always beat they really suck wow um but they were really good at love right they knew about love all of their first kisses were amazing they knew about yeah tales as old as time and kind of yeah but i don't know where you got this info about pacific northwest i think that because the notebook takes place in i think seattle right so i just imagine that he would have had to have at least spent a time there to have known about the city enough to you know set a book there for sure so anyway i think we all do think it's the fruit this is a child explaining how fruit works yeah number three. Love is like the wind. You can't see it, but you can feel it.

This one's a tough one. Can you explain why this is a tough one? I cannot because that would give it away. Don't overthink it. I'll just say that. I'm not thinking about it at all. Who do you think it is then? It's clearly Nicholas Sparks,

because the game that you set up is that it's either a Nicholas Sparks quote or a child talking about fruit. So obviously if one of the quotes is not about fruit, it's going to be the other option. I don't know. You'll have to make that face. I mean, this is what maybe someone else disagrees with me. No, I agree.

I'm just, I don't know why Jeffrey did, I don't know why you did this, Jeffrey, this whole game. This is something that I've had in my back pocket for a while, and I was saving it for a special occasion. So I actually resent the implication that this was like an afterthought, and that I wrote it at 8.23. I didn't feel like you were projecting that onto me, because you feel that way.

I was just asking you why you did it. So we agree it's Sparks? Yeah. All right. Number four. You're not saying whether it's right or not. That one was Sparks. That one was Sparks.

I almost got you guys with that comment about how it was a tough one. This is number four. Bananas start green but end brown. Number four, bananas start green but end brown. Bananas start green. No, we heard you. We heard you.

We heard that that was. Don't repeat it like we were fucking floored by that and that we needed to hear it again. We don't know how to act around you anymore so that's the that was the pause it wasn't introspection an answer anybody yeah next question child yeah just when you think it can't get any worse it can and just when you think it can't get any better it can i mean see you should have saved your it's a tricky one for this one because it's just vague enough so like i feel like you don't even know how your game works to be honest i'm not playing it and i will be honest and i i mean i hate to do this you are playing it because you asked us if

we all agreed with you that it was the answer for the last one. You know what? Let's just skip this one. This is the only good one. It's not good, but it's just better. Yeah, because it's debatable. Let's debate it. Then let's debate it.

You don't have to come at me for the game. The game is working, clearly. He's right. Really? He's right. He's right. I don't think you got here organically or in a smart way but you accidentally backed into a pretty interesting question for the game that you made up this one

for the first time could go both ways i don't think you get that so i'll assume it's the sparks one yeah yeah i definitely that one was sparks very good alright got it so far the house is losing don't ever think that he's trying to out think us cause yeah there's nothing there one time I put grapes in my nostrils and I couldn't breathe I cried out for help

but then my dad started smiling how many of these are there there's one more paraphrase okay is that a thing is that close to something someone said to you once when you were babysitting them i worked for not a recent divorcee couple but more like a couple that got they broke up after i went to college yeah okay so yeah a kid said this to me. It's the child one. Got it. This is our last one.

This is our last one. It could go either way for sure. This one, there is a citation needed, though. The only difference between my mommy's grape juice and my grape juice is that my papa doesn't police how many glasses I can have of mine. I mean, that would be very poor writing, so I think it's probably a tie. I also just want to, you said it needs a citation. This one is Sparks, I think. No way.

You think it needs a citation because I don't know where I remember hearing this or reading this from, but I swear to God, this is Sparks. What was the last two words of it? How many glasses I can have of mine. Of mine. Yeah, that's a weird way to say that.

You don't get the money to make your own school if your writing is that bad. Also, his work isn't like autobiographical, right? Like it's all just random love stories. Last segment. If you had to guess which, hold on, sorry. What Nicholas Sparks book do you think that is from i don't well i said that he either said or wrote so i just assumed that he might have just been in life yeah brings that out at a dinner party or maybe sleeveless in seattle okay new game

alert new game alert i can't make you love me if you don't. What was that noise? Oh, that was just my knuckles hitting glass. Because I don't have a soundboard because I don't know how to do that right now. But in post, it'll be a big ta-da, a big huzzah. Maybe like a Medieval Times type thing. Subjective trivia. So we'll go person by person here. Pyle, what's the best Harry Potter movie?

Wow, I actually just recently rewatched all of them. I mean, maybe Prisoner of Azkaban. I think what's the best harry potter movie wow i actually just recently rewatched all of them i mean maybe prisoner of azkaban i think i like the best the correct answer is goblet of fire which one is that well that's number four that's number four where cedric diggory didn't spoiler alert but dies that one is pretty good you're gonna have to bleep that it's been nine years i think it's been a lot longer. All right, Zach. Is John Boyega good at acting? Yeah.

Correct. All right, I'm going to Venmo you $100. Holy shit. What's that? For having that opinion? No, for getting the question right. It's not a big deal, Amir. You don't have to make a big deal of it.

It's just like what he's doing. It's just a lot of money. And you already owe me several hundred dollars, and you keep saying that you don't have it. So the fact that you're sort of flippantly throwing it away for a fake trivia game in which Zach said, John Boyeg is a good actor. All right, Amir, let's see you do better.

What's the best age? Okay, and he did actually send it to me, everyone. So perfect. Awesome. Thank you. Of course. Good guessing. Good game work.

Yeah. Amir, what's the best? I love this podcast. Amir, what's the best age to die? Sorry, you owe me $400. From dinners. Yes, from dinners. What's the best age to die?

100 You lived a full life 74 Sorry it's 74 That's still pretty young Cause then you don't end up in a home That's fine 26 years extra Some of it in a home that seems nice

Marika is your dad hot? See I You've gotten worse and worse like the questions the first two are were good questions especially for me like a person that's really interested in just general like pop culture stuff yeah uh you asked amir how old is the best age to die which is a lot of potential answers and then you've backed me into a corner asking if my dad is hot or not.

He's in his 70s by the way so obviously I'm not going to answer this question. A non-answer gets $50. What the fuck? I gave you a non-answer. Thank you. This sucks. You said 100. Andanswer this sucks you said 100

and then Pyle you said Prisoner of Azkaban which was a close second but you guys could have just forfeited your answer and gotten 50 big ones alright Pyle he did pay me $50 I forfeit my answer I didn't ask you a question

there's only two more questions to ask so I could ask you I might not we'll see how it goes um is i'd love another question all right let me just say is it better to have loved than lost than to have never loved at all okay getting into how you think um yes it is correct that's another hundred big ones Yes, it is. Correct. That's another 100 big ones. It's $200.

You're asking him yes or no questions. These are fucking coin flips for hundreds of dollars. You owe me $400 and you threw out a fucking one through 100. I owe you $585 actually per your last email. I mean, you're actually using your phone. This is my... He's sending his money. Are you serious? He's sending it.

He's $250 in the hole. Is this a write-off? Because I'm getting this is like work kind of. Can I write off this money I'm getting? Well, yeah, we're writing it off. I guess it's on HeadGums. Awesome. You're like Willy Wonka.

All right. This is a toss-up between Pyle Marika and Ymir. I guess I go Ymir because you didn't win anything. This is triple or nothing So if you choose not to answer it's $150 And if you get the right answer it's $300 Are you Right now at the time of recording

It's triple or nothing Are you hungry Also I didn't win before either I only have six questions You're fucking Bribing us to hang out with you. You have $600 to just give away.

You're a fucking maniac. You're an eccentric billionaire. You're a Willy Wonka man without any level of ingenuity. Ask me the fucking question. I learned that you can actually dip into your savings. So just because you put it there doesn't mean you can't get it back. Of course.

Yeah, it's not a lockbox. All right, Amir, are you hungry? So if I get it wrong, I get zero. If I don't answer, I win 150. And if I get it right, it's 300. Correct. I win 150 and if I get it right it's 300? Correct

This is a fucking microeconomics game theory question I mean there's no you don't know if I'm right or wrong so yes I'm hungry and that's right The answer that I have here because it is subjective

is I could eat so No that's not that's hungry. No, that's not a defining yes. That's more like depending on what you're going to offer me, I might say yes or no. Yeah, I could eat. Yes, that's what that means. I could eat.

I could eat. I don't think so. I'm sorry, man. You should have just not answered because you said that you were going to game the mathematics and the economics of it. It's either 100% chance of 150 or 50% chance of 300. You just lost out more than Rika got and she got it right.

Yeah. Sorry, I fucked up. You have one more question? I have one more segment. Rose Budthorn. Sorry, we really need every segment to be cash related now. We want you to keep throwing money at us. That's the only money one and we're not going to do another money one segment to be cash related now like we want you to keep throwing yeah you also didn't ask that's the only money one and we're not gonna do another money one ever on this show i believe

that's the only money game that was the cash i had to give away it was uh three hundred dollars i mean the game's the game guys and i don't know i think like we could quibble about it or complain but it's fair you want two hundred dollars won $200 I'm defending my friend like I don't get why that's controversial it's a fun game he paid you $200 and by the way I was right I played the game well I played the game well I deserve $300 you said 100 was the best age to die and you think you deserve money for that it's obviously 74 I maybe you 78. The next game you're saying there's no cash involved. All right. What's that?

It's for the podcast, for the next one. He left. He fucking left for that. So you say you're Thorn first, then you go Rose, then you go Bud. And it's basically the worst thing that happened to you this week, the best thing that happened to you this week, and then something you're looking forward to. I'll go then.

Thorn is this virus, you know? It's like, obviously, 130,000 deaths. The mortality rate was going down, but now it's going back up again, at least on a daily basis. Sorry, Marika, did you have something you want to say? No. Okay. so for me that's the thorn obviously because we can't like do anything you know what i mean and i'm like scared to fly back home in a way um and then i can't really think of a rose and then but i guess

just when this whole thing is over you've kind of made it hard for us to do it okay do anything what would make that better? Agree. It just feels like you're saying that's the only thing that you can feel that way about. And so then if we were to be like, I, you know,

my car broke down, that would, it seemed like we were being selfish. Oh, that would suck. That would suck. Did your car break down? Um,

no, my girlfriend's side mirror got, uh, hit off when she was parked on the street. But again, that's not as bad as obviously the, the deadly virus. That's yeah. But you can compare can compare anything you know like piles outfit may not be as choice as mine but i'm not gonna say that you just did this is not how i envisioned this going i

thought marika was gonna come in guns blaring with a thorn i mean i i don't have there too many thorns so i don't really have anything specific. Just name the worst one. The worst thing that happened to me. The most personal to you, yeah. I don't know, man. It's all pretty bad. Your question is, what's the worst thing that's happened to you this week?

That's one part of it, and then you ended on two positives, right? It's just hard with no... And you didn't do any positives, Jeffrey. You only did negative. You know what? Let me do it for you guys. Let me do it for you guys. What I think are the Rosebud Thorns for you.

Marika, your thorn is that you can't... Is that Broadway is not reopening anytime soon. Am I right? Sure. Yeah, that's a bad thing that I think about a lot. Your rose is that work's actually been pretty interesting for you recently. Don't know if I'd agree, but continue.

And what you're looking forward to is the end of this record. Yeah. Alright, so I got three out of three. Pyle, your thorn is that your house which you've named Fishkill? Sure. It'll never be just quite right.

That's true. I would not say that's that big of a deal. I do think about that all the time. So, Zach, Andrew Pyle is very into his house because they bought this old cabin for cheap in upstate New York and then did it up very modern and cool there's an outdoor shower you're into my house I don't talk about my house as much as you do

I only talk about it because you bring it up every time Kate his lovely wife her Instagram has like a permanent story where you can look at the progress of the house so sometimes when I can't sleep instead of counting sheep I'll just look at his house and that's your rose

is how much people appreciate the work and time that you put into fish and your bud is when you can have people over again and you can burn things in a pile pyre you know what I think actually that was pretty good I feel that was

i feel better now good good zach you're don't what's that nothing zach your throat your thorn is that um your your house sitting for your brother right now right yeah yeah your brother's kind of the thorn in your side because he's constantly asking you to do these things. And they're not small favors. He's asking you to live away from your apartment for months at a time. Am I supposed to correct these now or wait until you're done with all of them? Speak your piece. I'm enjoying house-sitting.

It's really nice. I prefer his place to my place. And that's the rose. And that's actually the rose. He's a really nice guy. Okay. prefer his place to my place and that's the rose actually and that's actually he's a really nice guy okay the rose is your kinship your your your um familial bond with your brother in the way that you can kind of share anything growing up you guys would play together you would read together

not really he's a lot older than me um so we're like half brothers he's like 17 years older than me so we wouldn't really play like that i mean it would kind of but not really like okay then your bud is when he kind of sees you as an equal whenever that happens shit you fucking got me all right i'll take two out of three or two out of four if you want to count them you're not even getting one um do you guys have anything you want to plug i i've told you about how you should watch while you do the Shadows. You shouldn't watch Devs or Zoe's Extraordinary Playlist or John from Cincinnati or Camping.

And only those shows could have had. No, I want to add a fifth. People should not watch Dateline. That's not even a sitcom. You can follow me on Twitter at Zach B. Dunn. That's it.

Marika? Follow me on Twitter, at Marika Elan. Pyle? No, I don't have anything to post. You don't need to follow me on Twitter. I don't post anyway. I guess follow other shows on HeadGum. Listen to our other podcasts.

It sounds like there's some really exciting shows coming. There are. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There are some good ones. And I'll drop those names right here, and then if we have to bleep it, we have to bleep it. So you don't have to listen to Dead Eye's podcast on HeadGum. Mm-hmm. Listen to Hey Riddle Riddle.

Hey Riddle Riddle. There's a good episode coming out next week. Why Won't You Date Me. Why Won't You Date Me's a good one. And then there's another one I think that, there's another one that maybe you want to plug. Sorry? There's maybe another, you know,

there's a couple other ones that HeadGum. Not Another D&D. Not Another D&D is good. Not Another D&D is good. And then there's like one you know there's a couple other ones that head go not another D&D not another D&D is good not another D&D is good and then there's like Doughboys Doughboys I love it

I'll fantasy everything punch up the jam re-review a funny feeling oh who said Pyle I think you said that yeah so listen to review review

on the head go network no I didn't say that I think it was Marika then I definitely heard it someone said it no I said a funny feeling. That's fine.

We'll see you guys next week. Shout out to Zach. Thank you so much for being here. Thank you guys for having me. It was a blast. And thank you guys for staying on till the very end. This is the first episode that we've had where people haven't left at the very end. And there goes Pyle.

Yeah, Marika's gone. Didn't realize that was an option. And he's gone. So as soon as he realized it was an option, he left. That sucks. I was so close. I should have just ended it very fast before they had a chance. Because now I'm here, again, sitting in my, what Pyle called a closet, but is actually my childhood bedroom.

So, fuck. That was a HeadGum Podcast.