The Headgum Podcast - 95: Love is Fiennes

Episode Date: March 25, 2022

Jake, Micah, and Marika join Geoff to discuss Formula 1, Micah's cock, and bar fights! Newcomers with Lauren Lapkus & Nicole Byer is back with a brand new season all about the Marvel Cinematic Universe. Check it out! Huge news! XOXO, Gossip Kings is now a video podcast. SUBSCRIBE to their channel to watch Carl Tart & Lamar Woods (and friends) delve into the Gossip Girl catalog. BUY THE HEADGUM PODCAST MERCH! Advertise on The Headgum Podcast via Gumball.fm Rate The Headgum Podcast 5-stars on Apple Podcasts. Rate The Headgum Podcast 5-stars on Spotify. Join the Headgum Discord.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Original. Previously on the HeadGum Podcast. I went to throw it in the dumpster, but the dumpster was full and I couldn't put the plant in there. So I had to leave the plant on the ground next to the dumpster. And I felt like that was just kind of giving somebody else a chore. I don't think you took the water or beer can out of it. I did. The beer can, the beer can wasn't there.

Go off, Micah. The beer can. By the way, thanks for your help. I took out the footstool. Yeah, you took out the stool. Micah, Micah, Micah. I took out the water. There was still some water in there.

Are you kidding me? It wasn't completely empty if I start a chant join the chant right there's only four of us drinking water I look like a fucking idiot suddenly you've looked like an idiot for fucking months on this show

nothing sudden about it it's a slow assassination of your character wow I didn't know you felt that way about me There's nothing sudden about it. It's a slow assassination of your character. Wow. I didn't know you felt that way about me. You didn't? And so it continues.

I haven't had gum in a minute. I haven't either. I have a piece if you want one. I probably shouldn't because we're recording a podcast. Y'all ready for audio? Come on! God damn. Right out of the game, Mad. audio come on god damn right out the game mad when we're simply trying to understand what you're doing

I haven't done this show in a real long time and I just remembered why bottoms up right this is a shot of espresso this is a passion fruit green tea bubble tea I've been taking espresso like a shot of um whiskey just to see if it uh hits me and uh oh boy oh boy does it i finally feel alive

interesting how also there's the yeah so it's like no it's like having a shot of whiskey and then a beer no no it's all caffeine so it's like having a shot of whiskey and then a beer. No, no. It's all caffeine. So it's like having a shot of whiskey and then a big cup of whiskey. It's a red eye. It's a red eye with the ingredients separated. Yeah, it's like a deconstructed burger, but in terms of red eye. Micah said it correctly. Yours is a stretch. All right, all right.

Mine is a stretch alright alright mine is there it is he is on he's on the cold brew he's on the espresso you're firing on all cylinders let's hear about you guys alright cause it's not the Jeff show on this podcast it usually is really

I feel like you yeah you take up a lot of space on the steamroll damn daniel micah what's new in in uh that's what's new in the neighborhood with you not much man you left you were here and then you left and now it's actually really nice out you were here for you were here for the three worst months of the year. The first three days I was in New York, it was gorgeous fall weather. And then the shit hit the fan, so to speak. There was two nice days where it was above 50 degrees. Sounds like winter.

Yeah. But, you know, I'm back and I'm happy. Don't look look it for sure I had to hit him with Langers today I got a turkey sando just to kind of feel that New York vibe the quiver in your voice as you said you were happy

it betrayed a lot yeah for sure Jake what's that I was just gonna ask what do you miss the most It betrayed a lot. Yeah, for sure. Jake? What's that? I was just going to ask, what do you miss the most? What do I miss the most is the access, right? If I need a sandwich, I can walk across the goddamn street. If I want one here, I have to walk like four blocks. Yeah, I think that was just like being privileged with the neighborhood you live in for sure but

i agree location location location marika i mean let's kind of like lift the veil here let's get into it for real instead of doing this like show this dog and pony nonsense that we do every week right what veil like i don't know like let's be ourselves this episode we don't have to put on anything let alone the red all right marie what jake yeah let's do jake jake what's up uh yeah um nothing nothing really uh i. I was, uh, I was traveling a little bit. I went to LA, I went to Mexico. It was nice. Um, I learned how to surf and I hurt my rib. So I didn't, so I didn't learn that good. Did you hit like hard sand? No, I hit hard board. Uh, yeah, just kind of like bouncing and bobbing up and down on the

surfboard and getting tossed around. Yeah. Yeah. It did a number on the old rib cage, but still hanging 10. Shock us. I'm going to persevere. It is important to hang loose. Aloha lifestyle. And I'll be back out there in the cut in four to six weeks.

Oh yeah. Actually doing this hurts my rib a little bit. That hurts your rib to twist your wrist? It hurts my rib to even breathe deeply jeff so yeah this thing does hurt a little have you gone to a doctor did you bruise your rib i haven't gone to a doctor but i have self-diagnosed that i bruised my rib it could theoretically be worse yeah it could be worse you could have fractured it totally but it seems like the same it seems like you kind of do the same thing either way yeah which is rest rest ice and yeah yeah so you might as well get back out there in the room back out there and then you gotta get back on the board brah and then you gotta rest for four to six weeks because you hurt your rib again can i in mexico okay so i feel like

i've never gone surfing what is the ratio of people that are on the beach surfing versus like boogie boarding is that still a thing that people do because i would be down the boogie board in mexico there were some boogie boarders there for sure we were the beach that we were at was like a surfer's beach and it seemed like a lot of people go there to like to to surf big waves a little further out so if i brought my flimsy foam boogie board with like a shark design on it and tried to hit those waves i'd be ostracized and no you wouldn't be no you wouldn't be ostracized i would i was doing looked lamer than what you would be doing if you brought a boogie board. Because at least you would be by yourself

and you'd be self-sufficient. I was just on a board that was being held by a strong Mexican man, kind of twisting and turning me in the surf and then pushing the board and telling me when to paddle and when to stand. All right, cool and when to stand. Alright. Cool. Good to know.

Action Bronson boogie boards at Rockaways. That's insane. If that makes you feel any way. It does make me feel better. I haven't gone into the ocean in I want to say over a decade but it does make me feel better. What about Action Quinta

Bronson? Okay. okay yeah so it's like it was quinta really i thought it was quinta because like uh yeah um but yeah abbott elementary is pretty good yeah stresses me out as i think it's yeah conversation doesn't you don't have to agree with everyone during the conversation yeah totally i don't think that's true at all based on how you lead your life and this podcast in particular yeah you did scream at us as as the first thing you did yeah first minute continue um my weekend was it was fine the return of formula one we gotta talk about we gotta talk we gotta talk about it but i will say we i've already portioned off okay okay okay some time to talk about it okay i started watching drive to survive yes i'm only three episodes in which

season are you watching? One. I'm starting with one. No, that's fine. That's good. That's good. But I know that the first race was this weekend because my buddy Kevin, who I was just skiing with in Colorado, watched it. And I had to cover my eyes.

Because it's, you know, no spoiler alert. But you're like three seasons away. You got to either absolutely finish. I'll be finished by the next time we record, and that's not, we record this show, but when the next time you guys are on, I'll have caught up, I promise. And that's gonna take a week to happen.

What are your feelings based on the first few episodes of Drive to Survive? Yeah, because there's some drama going on in those first steps. Yeah, it's tough because I know who you guys root for, and I know that there was a driver who changed teams, so that's why I'm trying to avoid that shit, because I don't want to know that there was you know a driver who changed teams you know so that's a that's why I'm trying to avoid that shit because I don't want to know that signs ended up with uh

you know you know he's got a lock in his garage um but uh so I mean with all things in a vacuum if I was just watching the first season and that was now I think I would be maybe maybe a Danny Ricardo I told him I told him he was going to love Daniel Ricardo I love Danny Ricardo even more now than I did when I was first watching don't say anything don't spoil yeah sure

but is that it no I like Daniel Ricardo and then I like the Haas team their drivers are somewhat boring i don't think kevin magnuson is interesting um i think alonso gotta get out of the game i mean what are you pushing 40 in the friend zone this is a good this is a good um yeah a good time for you to get into this now yeah and also i'd like to welcome any listeners if you guys have been listening to

marika and jake wax nonsensical about shit you don't understand, come aboard Team Jeff. Oh, you know who sucks? Go on. The fucking Williams team. They suck. Yeah, they do. Yeah, they do.

I don't want to listen. Like, the way that the dad of the driver was like, oh, he's never made a mistake like that. And she's like, yeah, well, I didn't think he has. Like, no, no, no, this is the first time he's done it. And she's like, alright, whatever his name is, Lance. Was it Latifi or Noah Stroll? Who?

Was it Lance Stroll? Who do they drive for? Wait, what do you mean? Williams? Williams runs on a Mercedes engine. Oh, so it's a car. That is a car. Yeah. It's a team.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah. They used to be top like a decade or so ago. Okay, so wait, Williams? Did Stroll go from Williams to? No, no, no, no, no. Don't tell me. Don't tell me.

I thought he's always been on force one. He needs to race for a team that his dad owns because otherwise he wouldn't be racing. So I don't think he's probably fine, but stick to the go-karts, right? Yeah. No, he's pretty bad. Yeah, he's terrible.

But no, we do have some time again portioned off, so I don't want to make it all too Formula 1 heavy. Okay, great. I can't wait for that. Hit him with our Bonds of the fucking week. This week by Bond of the week is John Cleese. All right. Interesting.

That's fun. Micah, you know John Cleese? No. You must not know John Cleese. You must not know John Cleese. must not know john cleese he created now he moved to an island called nevis baby you must not know john cleese you must not know john cleese did i mention he loves somewhere named nevis so don't you ever for a second get to thinking he doesn't like nevis john cleese lives on an island

called nevis i think it's called nevis what look it's still not that helpful in telling me who he is he uh co-created something racist recently he has some he like i think he's just a contrarian. I really dug into it when I was writing these generational lyrics. And I was like, yeah, isn't he super problematic nowadays? I think he just loves to go against the grain. Because I couldn't find anything super cancelable. All right, all right. Yeah. My Bond of the Week, which I don't know if someone's done before,

but I'm going to go with Daniel Radcliffe. I saw The Lost City this weekend starring Sandra Bullock, Channing Tatum, one of our greatest comedic actors. but I feel like it's he could do a similar vibe because he's really good at the villain the like fun eccentric guy actually maybe maybe he should be a Bond villain you do this segment you force everyone to fucking talk every single time we know we're scraping the bottom of the barrel with the Bond of the week we know like I do something Bond villain of the week you call me out on it then we move on let's skip my bond villain of the week is going to be daniel radcliffe my bond of the week jesse eisenberg what are you talking about i would be so sad if he was born i would that would ruin it for me they would be it's like trying to make you remember when like they tried to make nerds cool when it was like

yeah it'd be like that but that can't happen Bond can never be nerdified that's why I'm picking Lando Norris as my Bond of the week who? F1 driver for McLaren? Lando Norris?

oh no he comes in in season 2 he's not there yet that'd be sick. Is he British? Yeah, he is. Yes, he is. He's a little cute. Actually, in season four, he's kind of a dirtbag, I think. He's a little interesting.

Yeah, I mean, I get that. And I don't blame him. Right. They're all, I mean, you have to be insanely arrogant if you're driving a car 200 miles per hour and you think you're the best. Like, there's no way that you're also like a cool casual dude yeah um but yeah sometimes when you hear everybody on the radio you're like i like this guy and then you hear them like to tell an

old man to shut the fuck up and you're like oh no that that makes me happy or whatever they come over the radio and they're like really like can you stop talking to me it's like of course like you're going wasn't it the right the russian the russian grand prix he's like they were telling him to box or whatever he was like shut up shut up shut up and then and then his car spun out brutal yeah micah bond of the week um i didn't consider that it didn't have to be an actor but I think who's the guy who stars in Night Of in the Night Of

yeah the show isn't it Reza Ahmed yes it is that's my pick that's cool that's a good one I like that it's almost as good

as my Dev Patel yeah which would actually be the Goat Bond yeah I think I said that one too because it's it's like deviating

maybe it was you the entire time but it's deviating from a white guy but just enough so everyone's still comfortable laughing time but it's deviating from the from a white guy but just enough so everyone's still comfortable this just in breaking news i think we might be the first outlet to get this dolly parton has

withdrawn her name from nomination into the rock and roll hall of fame uh yeah it's happened a week ago outlet and also don't i don't know if we're an outlet we definitely shouldn't be called an outlet i am gonna try and get a fucking press badge to something important all right but honestly i really hope you do try and i hope you succeed i think that'll be a good fit um but yeah, so Dolly Parton thinks that she's not good enough to be in the rock hall. That's not true. She thinks that she's never released a rock and roll album. That's true. That was what she said.

She said if she ever decides to. That's good insight from you. Yeah. Thank you. No, but I mean, I think it's honorable because yeah she was basically i think one of the quotes too was like i'd love to be reconsidered i just need to i think this is like god winking at me that i need to release a rock album like linda ronstadt style uh linda ronstadt uh next year and uh i think that i mean we should talk about it head HeadGum's up for, I think, at least four Quill Podcasting Awards.

For Dead Eyes, for Best Series, right? Maybe like Culture, Society and Culture. Gumball, Best Tech. We're actually up for five because we're up for two Gumball ones. Okay. So basically we have basically we have a lot of things in the mix but i'm wondering if we pull a dolly if we withdraw our name from the nomination suddenly we're getting a ton of press because we're like how punk rock is that

if we're like we don't need the award and we don't even know if we deserve it because this stuff was good but see what we drop next year the difference is that i think we submitted ourselves yeah for all of these awards so it's kind of like hey do this work and then actually never mind we take it back so huh yeah that is and like spoiler alert, all awards you got to submit for pretty much. So I don't know if that shakes up your view of the world. I mean, this new information to me, you're getting my live react right now. And I think it's pretty interesting. So it's not.

I don't know, you guys. I don't know what this show is going to end up being in a couple of weeks. You know what I miss? I miss the word, you guys. I don't know what this show is going to end up being in a couple weeks. You know what I miss? I miss the word of the week. Yeah, I just can't keep spending that much money. And I think it might have to be taxed. It doesn't. We established it doesn't.

Also, you don't have to pay people. You could just say they found the word of the week. Actually, if you pay them over $600, you would have to send them a 1099. They would get taxed you actually can write that off as a loss well then you know what i'm gonna send you guys something for seventy thousand dollars imagine writing off more than you make that's great i wouldn't do that then i get like tens of thousands of dollars right Right, right, right. You guys know I got the Wordle today in two? Yeah. Speaking of Word of the Week.

Jake, quit the Slack. Yeah. And I'm proud of you for that. I'm done. I'm out. Isn't that pretty cool? Because you got it in two, you're done? I always said that if I failed

and I couldn't get it in six or if I got it in two, I would quit. And I've actually done both now. So I need to get out the game. It's gotten to the point where Wordle is not fun for me. I wake up with a small sense of dread. Yeah.

I still think it's fun. Like it doesn't have the same, it doesn't have quite the same like thing anymore, but I'm going to keep doing it. Like others, I've stopped playing like the other versions for the most part. same it doesn't have quite the same like thing anymore but i'm gonna keep doing it yeah like others i've i've i've stopped playing like the other versions for the most you're not doing pissed me off so much i haven't done those in a while i did the samantal yesterday at a bar with

my friends that's when you guess the meaning right yeah yeah me and my two friends were sitting at a bar all doing samantha that sounds like an american girl doll name that's when you put samantha on your mantle yeah oh uh well we do have to take a quick break we're hitting the 20 minute mark here uh thanks for sponsors uh we're getting some good ones uh we got fairty oh shit I love Faerty yeah I mean Jake said it best oh shit I've loved Faerty's clothes for the better part

of a decade yeah did you get close I haven't used my voucher yet but you know I'm gonna go for a reversible long sleeve nice go to commercial, man. Guys, taking care of your health isn't always easy, right? But it should be simple.

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I'll have my AG1 and then I'll have my coffee. And it gets me set off to take on the day and to be centered and to feel like I did at least one good thing for my health. And if you do that every day, it has compounding effects. If there's one product I had to recommend to elevate your health, it's AG1. That's why we partnered with them for so long. So if you want to take ownership of your health,

start with AG1. Try AG1 and get a free one-year supply of vitamin D3K2 and five free AG1 travel packs with your first purchase exclusively at drinkag1.com slash what's that? Again, that's drinkag1.com slash what's that? Check it out. We lost a team member because at the end of the day, this is a team and it should feel that way.

And I know it doesn't always, but you know what? We're going to really get into it. Speaking of teams, it's time to play. Fuck. Where's the, yeah. That would have been a really great segue.

Yeah. Believe it or not, you've actually missed nothing. Welcome back. Nice. I think, Jeff, I think you should vogue welcome to Gunther or Nah yeah this was Marika's idea so Haas's F1 team

principal Gunther Steiner has quickly in the last four years maybe not that quick, becomes sort of a superstar. Have we figured out if he's French? Because I can't place his accent. I thought he was German.

Pretty sure he's German. Oh, da, da, danke schön. So this is Gunther and all. I'm going to play a sound clip. You're going to tell me whether it's Gunther Steiner or someone else. Sorry, he's Italian. What? He does not sound Italian at all. He was born in Italy.

Like north of Italy? He's Italian-American. That's insane. Yeah. It feels like he's just American and he's doing what he thinks is an Italian accent. He sounds like he's from Minnesota but he's doing an Arnold Schwarzenegger impression. That's what he sounds like he's from minnesota but he's doing an arnold

schwarzenegger impress impression yeah that's what he sounds like oh wait hold on he's a native of south tyrol which is maybe on the border of italy yeah oh yeah it's like italy and switzerland though like yeah i think he might speak swiss. Yeah. Okay, okay. So, yeah, he speaks German and Italian along with English. Wait, what town is he from? South Tyrol. South Tyrol. Do you think because he's from South Tyrol that his mouth is virile? No.

It's like he's good at giving head, yeah. Okay, here we go. Gunther Ernau. This is for actual cash. $10 for every right answer. $10 to be for every wrong answer. Here we go. I'm Sheridan Alford, and this is Bird actual cash $10 for every right answer $10 to be for every wrong answer here we go I'm Sheridan Alford and this is birding 101

nah what correct $10 to Micah good work I was so worried because I've never heard him speak and I thought we gave you enough context to know

alright here we go maybe he didn't want to come because he had no points baby yeah yeah correct ten dollars to marika neck and neck here we go practice seeing people as trees. Nah. I hit the wrong button, that's correct. $10 to Jake. Jake is, uh, you're all tied at $10. Here we go. Who was the party? I wasn't invited. Nah. Actually, no, that's not the truth, Ellen. It's Dakota Johnson.

Correct! Michael pulls ahead with $20. Here we go. I feel like I should get some points for it. Nah. Welcome to the Televising get some points for it. Nah. Nah. Oh, correct. Neck and neck, $20. Marika and Micah, here we go.

Hi, my name is Gunther Steyer. Yes. Correct. And like when I said, when I tweeted, I hope we play Gunther or not, I really thought it was going to be like reading quotes, that sort of game. Sometimes Jeff tries to like outsmart us, but this is one that's just so dumb. Well, I mean, it's a 10 minute chunk that I had outlined.

I also wanted to give us time to talk about F1. Yeah. All right. Where's the 10? In the name of the Father and of the son and of the holy spirit no sermon no correct i'm gonna give my ten dollars to jake actually for that weird now it's on that connect 2020 by the way there's not a clear winner nobody gets any money so here we go competition we are gathered together it's the same world you're clipping out the same fucking guy

you found three different audio files it was Ellen, the sermon and an interview with Gunther those are actually three different sermons there's a protestant one a catholic one and a jewish one this is fucking shit Gunther

correct Marieke in the head with $30. What was that? Gunther. What was that? Is that when someone slammed the door super hard? Yeah. Go ahead.

Would you repeat that again? No. Correct. $30, $30, $30, I think. would you repeat that again no correct uh 30 30 30 i think last one you fucking look like and now we are a fucking bunch of wanker yeah good good third correct all right um name my name Name? My name? Wow! God. So, okay, yeah. We've talked about it a little bit, but Signs is good.

I'm not a huge fan of the fact that he is living in his father's shadow. That's what makes him more sympathetic to watch. Why is that not a good thing? Yeah. He's not gonna answer? answer well I'm paying you money so

nothing you don't have to do I don't know if it's a bad thing necessarily but it's like you know he had like a coach for free his entire life so how's that more impressive than Daniel I think just about all of these kids grew up rich and had like private coaches like with the exception of lewis hamilton yeah that makes

me like lewis hamilton and estepan o'conn oh i don't know that cool um let me ask you guys this how did you settle on again with with as little spoilers as possible, how did you settle on Team Ferrari? Was it signs? Two drivers currently are very hot. They're all hot. Daniel Ricciardo's hot. I mean, no one is as hot as Leclerc. He's like the hottest in F1. He's the ultimate himbo.

Yeah, let's do this. Leclerc is my himbo son. Carlos is hot. I mean, I think he's good looking, but like Carlos is just really, really sweet. I always thought he was just like a real sweetheart. And I feel like whatever teammate he's with, he like creates a bond that nobody else. Like the fact that he did that with Lando and then is also doing it with Leclerc. Yeah, it's nice.

And it's also doing it with LeClaire. Yeah, it's nice. I listen to this like, I occasionally listen to an F1 podcast that I would describe as like the twinnovation of F1 podcasts. Amazing. Like it kind of pisses me off and they hate Carlos Sainz.

And they're like, he's a little sneak. He's like a little snake. He's going to steal Charles Thunder. And it makes makes me so mad i have to turn off the podcast that's crazy i can't imagine not liking science he's like no he's he has like bad luck he's never won a race but he's so he's like so consistently good he was like the only person that scored points consistently last year for like yeah eight races or something yeah he's like he's quiet he's quiet and he's good yeah yeah their house was crazy though season one you see like a shot of this like pool and i'm like whose pool is that and then a huge mansion and

then they have that kitchen where they have you have like like 18 of everything in the pantry and they're like sitting down for breakfast but with like the nicest breakfast smoothies i've ever seen carlos is a good follow on instagram yeah when they're in like the off season and he just like goes home and he's just like living on the ocean surfing with his dog yeah his dog's really cute he's a terrible food photographer hilariously bad for like all these he's had a couple bites yeah i mean kind of it's like so it's so bad you have to follow it and you'll see um he's great though yeah love carlos um no spoilers lando's great um i like lewis hamilton i really do but you guys don't feel bad rooting for like the team

that wins it every time pretty much i don't root for lewis hamilton i don't but i don't feel bad rooting for like the team that wins it every time. Pretty much. I don't root for Lewis Hamilton. I don't, but I don't, I wouldn't, I don't feel bad when he wins. Yeah. Cause he's like, he,

what he does is kind of like insane. Like he wins a lot of races that anyone else will lose. He's just beyond any other driver. I really, I wanted him to win last year solely because I was like, he would have achieved the goal. Like he would have beat Michael Schumacher's record. Like there's no more after that.

Like it doesn't matter. Yeah. And it would have been like less dramatic. And now it's more dramatic. And I just, I want him to win to get to that place. Like, I'd rather someone else win, but I want him to win to get to that place like right I'd rather someone else win but I want him to win to I'd rather I would like him to win this year after the how bad he

got fucked at Abu Dhabi he got Latifi yeah Latifi spoiler there's a spoiler there's no way Jeff doesn't know that I didn't know that but also like the show the show is not really about like explain like things that happened in F1.

It's things that are happening behind the scenes. I watched every single race. Behind the scenes would be exactly. I watched every race last year, and I'm still loving season four. Yeah. It gives you more context. What are your thoughts on Christian Horner? How do you feel about him?

I haven't come across him yet. I've truly only seen like three episodes. You must have. No. There's the whole, what about the Daniel Ricardo, his like contract thing? Doesn't that happen early in the season? Yeah, but the other driver is Max something, I thought.

Yeah, but Christian Horner is the team principal for Red Bull. Oh, it's interesting seeing him talk to like Ricardo's dad and he's like trying to like butter him up a little bit. But who knows? Micah, you know, just because you haven't seen any F1 stuff, it seems like. He watched his first race this weekend. Oh.

I watched a few races last season too. When did you think? It was exciting at the times it was exciting and then in between those times it was kind of boring yeah it's the perfect phone companion yeah it's like Sunday Sunday I'm glad they're on Sundays I wouldn't know I'm not gonna watch them afar on Saturdays I can't I probably will just check in on qualifiers. How's that cock of yours? He was into F1.

He's willing to talk about that. Your segway didn't work anymore. I am going to the Canadian Grand Prix. What is that? In June. Have you guys seen Love is Blind? I am going to the Canadian Grand Prix. Which I'm really excited about. In June. Have you guys seen Love is Blind? Yes, obsessed with it.

I've never seen a person I want to spend the rest of my life with. I've never seen her before. Welcome to Love is Fines. Okay. So, the name of the game is Love is Fines. Jake, I know you're married. i understand there's some there's some tension though because jill reached out to me which was weird just it's marital it's marital it's marital bliss for me and it's marital dis for jill as in i am dismissed from my bliss and she has a slap on the wrist.

So basically, I can, you know, it's safe to say you guys are all looking for love. And so this is a game where you're going to, you know, go on dates, so to speak, with the love of your life, potentially. But you can't see who they are. And it is really fine. So why don't we start with Marika? Marika, let's say you're on a first date. You know, you're in your little pod. What's the first question you might ask?

I'd probably ask him why he spoke out in support of J.K. Rowling. I'm a god. I will live forever. Yeah. That's not a good first date. Yeah, not a good response. And then, boom, you're in your talking head. What you saying about fines i mean sorry he's a turf for sure for sure yeah all right let's swing it over to micah micah you're on your first blind date or which is should we say fines date with someone you don't even know you can't see who they are you're gonna

get to know them what's your first question question? Is it Ralph Fiennes? What's that? Is it Ralph Fiennes? That's your question. Is that who the date's with? Who is it? You know you're not allowed to see them. You can infer maybe based on the voice. You said it was Ralph Fiennes.

I said love is Fiennes, meaning you're not going to be able to see who you're talking to, and it is Ralph Fiennes. Okay. I would ask him if he's going to be in the next Bond film or who the next Bond is. I require your bond. Oh.

He doesn't seem like a good listener. He said, I require your bond. Did he not say, I require your bond? Or blood? Which means. Wand. Wand. Oh. I thought it was really apropos i thought i thought it meant micah got to choose the next bond like the idea that they ceded power to choose the next bond to ray fines an actor could just

play bond actually he was m he's m uh but then he gives his power to micah um all right jake you're in your pod what's your first question how many sexual partners have you had some jerk puked down the stairs and i slipped i should sue clearly avoiding the question it must be yeah it must be a lot yeah um changing the subject also i almost got in two bar fights in Crested Butte. Why? People are aggressive in that town, man. I didn't start either of them, but I definitely matched the aggression. And I'm not an aggressive person, so that was surprising to me.

The first time we were in this bar, it was St. Patrick's Day. So also, I mean, I was really just... It's a big fighting day. Irish tradition, yeah. But there was this guy, he was like in his 50s. He was like really drunk and yelling. day so also i mean i was really just it's a big fighting day irish tradition yeah uh but there was this guy he was like in his 50s he was like like really drunk and yelling and then the bartender took like popcorn it was like shut the fuck up and like threw popcorn at him and then later uh we thought that this pool table was open that he had been playing on all night so like uh

my friend kevin like lined up the the white ball uh he was like, hey, this is my table. And we were like, oh, sorry, I didn't think you were still playing. And he was like, yeah, yeah, yeah, well, this is my house, so you don't want to fuck with the table. I was like, all right, sorry. And then he went back and didn't play again. And then Kevin was like, what are the odds you grab a ball and run to the bathroom? And I was like, I don't need to do odds, I'm just going to do it. So I grabbed one of the balls and pretended to run to the bathroom, And I was like, I don't need to do odds. I'm just going to do it. So I grabbed like one of the balls and like pretended to run to the bathroom,

but didn't even, and then came back and put it right there. And then he like got in my face and was like, like, like if you shouldn't look for trouble here, like this isn't the place to look for trouble. He's like, where are you from?

And I was like, like LA. And he's like, yeah, well I live down the street. And I was like, all right. And he's like,

so you don't want to like, and I was like, there's not going to be any trouble. And, like, I was, like, also in his face, which I was, like, shouldn't have done probably. And then he was like, yeah, like, again, this is my house. And I was like, this is your house? Is that why the bartender was throwing popcorn at you earlier and telling you to shut the fuck up? And then he, like, kind of stumbled. And he was like, what?

Shake my hand. And I was like, no. And then he's like, and then he just, like, kind of, like, shook his head and, like, walked away and like walked away uh and then he like we like stayed where we were standing next to the pool table and then we started doing bits about something else we completely moved on and then he thought we were laughing at him and then he like came up to like trying to start something with us again and i was just like let's just move over there and then the second time i was uh in line to go to the bathroom at a different bar and there were three people in front of me. And everybody was going in, and it was like a one-stall bathroom.

Nobody was closing the door. It seemed fine. Everybody was drunk. It was late in the night. I didn't think twice about it. So when I went in, just following everybody else's lead, I peed with the door open. And then this guy bursts into the bathroom, and he's like, what are you doing? Peeing with the door open?

And I was like, dude, get out of it was like it was truly space for one person so he was like inches away from me as i'm actively peeing and then like when i finally like walk out i was he was like like like what the fuck was that and he was like or he said that to me and i was like what the fuck was that what was the fuck was that you don't walk into the bathroom when someone's peeing and then i was like everybody else was peeing with the door open it wasn't a fucking issue do you even work here and he was like yeah i'm the bouncer and i'm like oh i'm so sorry then he's like oh now you're sorry i'm like yeah because otherwise there's some guy who like assaulted me basically if you're the bouncer then of course i shouldn't

do like yes i'll listen to you and then yeah you make the rules. Yeah. And then I apologized to him on our way out, and it was all fine. But closest I've come to being in a fight in a long time. And one of them was with a 50-year-old? Yeah, I mean, he wasn't going to fight me. That's why I was like, I wanted to razz him a little bit. Anyway. You were peeing with the door wide open? Everybody was doing it.

I thought it was a Colorado thing. Was it a stall door? So there was like a door to the bathroom and then the stall door was open. Marika, I feel like you're not putting your eggs in the basket. That is fine. And you're never going to find love if not. That's fine. Second date.

That's fine. Second date. So know that you can ask maybe some more personal questions. Here we go. Oh, just, I mean, again, I'd probably follow up on my previous question. I don't think I'd be on the date with him anymore because he didn't answer. He didn't give a good enough response. For the sake of argument, just ask another question.

Yeah. I'd probably ask him why he likes doing the kingsman movies because i don't like them that's good it's um i parachuted out of a plane my parachutes caught on a tree and i'm gang i'm dangling above you see this big precipice and this is my escape trying to get out using knives that i have on me but i take off a boot I put a knife in the tail of the boot which I used to chip into the ice and I climb up and so a lot of it is digital enhancement mm-hmm yeah so not not really answer it could have been an answer it could potentially be a like I

like doing this but I don't know if that was in those movies also what he it was incoherent rambling that's not even what happens in the Kingsman second date what do you do for fun I think Ginny's honesty and integrity of huge value to me he said Gin is

honesty and integrity I thought he said Ginny I thought he said Ginny. No. I thought he said Jean. Jake? Describe your penis to me in detail. Too greedy. But I also am already seeing so many things that I just want to totally grab on. Who is that?

That was Paul Dano. Why? You can't just have one participant on Love is Blind. Or Love is Fine. I want to go on a date with Paul Dano. All right, Marika, bring us home. One last thing. For fines.

Yeah. What's your favorite movie i love you too fast and concerning to be honest because i really nagged him so i really can't believe jake got the dano quote that was love is fine you know that really didn't go well I don't know what finds I keep deciding to do that at the very last second like when the word is out of my mouth you can make it plural really quickly. All right.

Plugs. What do you guys have going on? What do you want to point the people to? The floor is yours. Let's start with Micah. Oh, God. I don't have anything. What about our wallets, bro?

Oh, cop. Yeah. Buy our wallets. We made wallets. Are you guys still selling hats? We are. Yeah yeah we sure are actually i need one because i gave one to uh some random guy random guy kind of i'll talk about it we'll chat offline we'll chat offline i gave it to dano on a date. Paul? Nice. Who? Never mind.

Follow Brothers Halcyon on Instagram and buy a wallet. Yeah. Or a hat. Jake? Follow my new surfing Instagram. Awful. No way. Jake surfs the rip.

Jake surfs the rip? That's horrible you guys should do Jake and Amir surfing with Insecure Jake oh god that'd be so funny I didn't mean to cut you off Jake did you have more? I just want everyone to know I don't really have a surfing Instagram

for the few people that didn't know I was doing it. Follow me on Twitter, Instagram, and Letterboxd, at Marie Galon. Also, XOXO Gossip Kings, a really funny gossip girl rewatch podcast with Carl Tartt and Lamar Woods now has a YouTube, so you can watch video episodes it's really fun so subscribe to that subscribe to the FRU YouTube subscribe to the Keeping Records YouTube and listen to Newcomers which is on its fifth season Nicole Byer and lauren lapkus are watching the mcu abridged and great for me kind of sometimes i hear about the movies that they don't like and get a deep sadness within me but it's fine and it's fun uh and you should listen because it's really funny um i i had a

pitch for newcomers season what it would be five or six six WWE they would hate that the storylines are I don't watch it but George's friend watches it and sometimes George will be like hey this so this is a storyline happening in the WWE and it's fucking crazy they could just watch it like for eight weeks leading up to

WrestleMania cool do you want to yes in the room thank you it's under consideration fine gotta go through multiple rounds of approval uh you can follow me on instagram at jeffrey james on twitter at jeff boyardee uh also if you're um a urologist in the los angeles basin um please give me a call um i'm having some yeah no pulsating pain um picked it up in that bathroom in colorado there was the door was open i was you know basically trying to get a venereal disease and uh succeeded how's that for virality? Oh, that's really good. We'll end on that. We'll see you guys again next week.

Thanks for listening to this episode of the HeadGum Podcast. That's Daz, folks. That was a Hidgum Original.