The Headgum Podcast - 98: Breyers Miggs (w/ Shelby Wolstein!)

Episode Date: April 15, 2022

Shelby Wolstein (Keeping Records podcast) joins Amir and Geoff to discuss cold dairy cans, Michael Cera, and personality tests! Newcomers with Lauren Lapkus & Nicole Byer is back with a brand new season all about the Marvel Cinematic Universe. Check it out! Huge news! XOXO, Gossip Kings is now a video podcast. SUBSCRIBE to their channel to watch Carl Tart & Lamar Woods (and friends) delve into the Gossip Girl catalog. BUY THE HEADGUM PODCAST MERCH! Advertise on The Headgum Podcast via Gumball.fm Rate The Headgum Podcast 5-stars on Apple Podcasts. Rate The Headgum Podcast 5-stars on Spotify. Join the Headgum Discord.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Original. Previously on the HeadGum Podcast. That's your second one or you've had two? Daddy chill. Nice. Don't drink so much caffeine. So many more sounds since I've been here. Oh my god.

How do you guys do this every week? This is maybe my fourth time on the show and how do you one Oh my fucking How do you get a goddamn word in edgewise? What is the point? Are we just all here

to entertain Jeff as he like files through different sound keys and we just like oh my god no fucking way word of the week she already got it that's a thousand dollars to Riley what was it Jeff We're going to start off with a bang right off the bat, right? We're getting it high energy.

We're getting everyone up on a Friday because you guys entered the room with this sort of sullen sunken eyed energy and I have to be the one to facilitate sunken eyed Joe where do you come from where do you go sunken eyed

Amir's kind of facilitating sunken high joe ruined it okay let's um ruined it let's channel all our energy into joy today i'm smiling i'm happy i'm feeling lighthearted and i want to keep it that way and it's up to you guys not to kind of set me off okay okay i will say it does it's usually someone's own responsibility to like monitor their own but we'll do what we can self-regulating emotions yeah yeah self-soothing yeah i know the lingo you clearly work on yourself a lot but it doesn't ever show translate yeah that's the hard

no and that is what's hard props for doing you know step one but it's weird to go to the gym and emerge it's like you're working out but you're emerging weaker I don't know how that's possible I mean I put in the time I put in the hours and it's like well cardio is the real answer I mean, I put in the time, I put in the hours, and it's like...

Well, cardio is the real answer. Yeah. Let's just shake it out, right? It's a dance. Oh. Hold it. Was that a Gen Z thing? No.

This dance song? No, it says sans default dance. But the dance, the specific shake it out dance. Oh, that's an improv warm up. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight. Don't do that. That's awesome.

That's awesome. Don't find common ground don't bring up improv don't just yeah you never did i want to be really clear up top i never want to bring up improv it's something within me i don't want it's something that comes through it has to happen it's coming out whether you want it or not i think it'd be fun to do sorry one second Amir I wasn't talking sorry then we should do a Marie Kondo episode to see if not only are the clothes in our

closet but the show itself sparks joy a Marie Kondo a Marie Kondo like Marie Kondo the show itself sparks joy a marika condo a marie condo like marika jeff doesn't like it i think it's clever is he frozen or no he's when you go when you go for the joke he didn't understand it major key alert now you say what you're gonna say no it's not even a major key alert it's just genuine advice like i don't want to tell you how to be funny but like yeah when you go for the joke when you gun for it people can sense that desperation yeah what was in that can it looked like a slim fast

shake wow a protein cookies and cream shake. That can looks like it was put in a vending machine in 98 and you're the first person to take it out. That's a dusty can. The design hasn't been touched since they first made the drink in the 80s. Yeah. It was stocked in 98. A dairy can. You never want to see a creamy a creamy can cans should be like for watery drinks do you ever whenever i'm at like a if i'm getting like my car fixed i'm at like a jiffy lube or something and they have creamer that oh that never sits right with me oh like the little

yeah i'm like i don't know how long this has been here and i don't know how warm it's been kept yeah why does it not have to be refrigerated? They just keep them on the table at diners. And it unsettles me. It really does. Like, every milk has to be refrigerated except for those loose little vials of half and half. It seems like those should be the most cold. To me, yeah.

Jeff is muted. In my head. We can't hear you, Jeff yeah but that's okay i think ultimately it was the best part of the show kind of non-coincidentally we connected on something we were sort of yeah it's really nice to be in studio with casey on the video and on you on the audio because i don't have to think about anything other than the uh the joys in that i bring to the table that's joy and poison and uh now when we're at home it's like this cord does if you even if you don't touch it it somehow

falls out of whack but uh ultimately that was easy not really though right really almost yeah creamer let's talk about it there was a day when I was like 10 We already did it, we already talked about creamer You were muted or something But I think we exhausted The creamer discord There was a day when I was like 10 or 11 and I drank hazelnut

Creamer from the jug How much of it? The whole thing? I think probably a good chunk. A jug of creamer? Seems like that's not. They usually come in small containers because you're just supposed to use a splash at a time. You're just supposed to use a splash at a time because there's sugar in it.

Was it Coffee Mate? Yeah, it was Coffee Mate hazelnut. So they do have the bigger size. And those also stress me out. How so? Those have to be refrigerated. The other ones, smaller ones, don't. They have to be refrigerated unless you're at a hotel when they do continental breakfast and then all of a sudden,

All bets are off. Don't get me started on continental breakfasts. I can't get enough of this shit, man. Why? It's one of the worst breakfasts overall. Cereal and bread. The milk is rarely cold enough. It's like out in a, it's like slightly touching ice at the bottom.

I agree. The orange juice is Sunny D. Yeah. In a Tropicana can. Absolutely. From Concentrate. Absolutely, really. Not really.

I'm glad that we all agree. And it's Corn Flakes, usually only Raisin Bran. Have you seen the Key and Peele Continental Breakfast sketch? I think it might be one of my favorite comedy sketches ever. If you're listening to the show, turn it off, maybe forever. Go watch the Continental Breakfast Key and Peele sketch. That's comedy. A delight to the senses.

Isn't it, my friend? Ah, the Danishish clearly from brussels yeah that's funny but we have to make our own comedy because we're literally on the clock here you can't just like cite other jokes pass them off as your own because other people are watching the sketch and laughing because they're not laughing because of you didn't pass it off as i actually gave sort of a lot of credence to the original creators. I told people to stop listening to this and to start watching the Cain and Peele sketch.

He said, this is the thing I make money off of, but instead stop. And go do other things. Amir's going broke because of how much he wants to honor other comedians. I'm a martyr. I'd rather you go for broke on the show. What's that?

I'd rather you go for broke on the show. Come up with something quote worthy so that the out of context HeadGum podcast Twitter account tweets the show. What's that? I'd rather you go for broke on the show. Come up with something quote worthy so that the out of context head gum podcast Twitter account tweets the nonsense. No, they made me seem like a Republican once.

What did you say? I said that Biden was old and senile. I regret voting for him in that. I said something about how we didn't like unions, but it was a joke.

And now you said it on this episode and they can take it out of context and do it again. I can't wait. It's gotcha journalism a little bit. Yeah. And they got me. That's funny. Sometimes if you just say something's funny and laugh,

other people will also think it's funny because they want to be in on the joke. Major key alert. here we go it's time for everyone's bonds of the absolute week every week until the next james bond is cast uh we're gonna put up our vote for who we want as the next 007 this week uh mine's going to be John Scout. Why? His name rhymes with something about Reese or Cheese. You don't know John Scout?

No. He created Spree. Here we go. Here we go. You must not know about Spree. You must not know about Spree. You must not know about spree. It's a compressed dextrose. Candy has a candy shell in it.

Chewy center, baby. You must not know about spree. You must not know about spree. I used to think spree stood for a sprained knee. So don't you ever for a second get to thinking I'm smarter than a spree. Does Hecum have any of those programs where they'll pay if you take classes in something? Oh, so we sort of sponsor Jeff, but he's not learning anything. It's just for a lobotomy or something was that a you drank a 35 gram protein shake yeah did you work out this morning refreshing it can't be refreshing and you went

yeah that couldn't have been chocolate milk That couldn't have been. Chocolate milk. It couldn't have been any more dairy. No, I've had a spree. Yeah, I've never heard of that. A Garen spree that some people don't know about spree. Yeah, I get that. Must be a Cleveland thing. Who are you guys' bonds of the week? Doesn't matter. You already said and did the thing that you needed to do but yeah shelby do you have a bond of the week i don't know michael sarah

that's cool jesse eisenberg same person really good both really good bond vibes yeah you have to admit it'd be funny to see michael cera's bond that's just a sketch no i think it could be a whole movie if you really want it to be if you commit michael cera yeah he's talented but i don't think i would ever go like he's really talented like you guys know that he's talented but he's more than what you think. He's out of this world. If he were to be cast as Bond, he would really become the character. You think he would work out for it?

I don't think he needs to. No way. He'll take one ski lesson, but that's it. Exactly. All he needs, all a real spy needs is the know-how. And I think he does. And what does that mean to you? The know-how?

How to get in and out. How to get in and out of a situation? How to, like, operate a mission? Situation, place. I mean, you got to get in and out. That is being a spy. Being a spy is almost explicitly being getting in and getting out. Yeah. Usually it's, like, getting the information that helps your country i feel like you didn't mention that at all and then getting out of there that's like but

yeah all right yeah if you boil it all down it's getting in getting out that's being a spy that you can say about anything you can say about like being you know speaking of you could say that about being a union worker it's about clocking in and clocking out. Podcast. Well, that's true about being a... No, in a podcast, there's a whole other thing in the middle. We're anti-union. Same with espionage. We're anti-union. Same with working at 12-hour days. Don't talk about unions. Do not even

bring that up. The idea of workers getting together to force their hand. Have a better time? Yeah. Snooze. This is crazy. Yeah, let's just fucking move on. Let's talk about the supply chain issue.

A couple weeks ago, we sort of fixed it, but it still seems to be sort of floundering. It seems to be frail and fragile. It doesn't seem like you know why we live in such a global economy that it's like getting parts even for american manufacturing often comes from overseas and what do you do when the barges are just up to their ankles i have zoned out so hard. It's like campaign finance reform. Just those words make you bored instantly.

I glazed over so fast. Then let's talk about the Discovery Warner Media merger announced this morning. Why do you only have really high-level, tedious, tedious dry breaking news corporate mergers supply chain management let's talk about fun shit alright watches and wonders Geneva Switzerland

the fucking watch conference I feel like I'm at a convention in Spokane Washington for business that's where I feel like they do a trade show. I'd love to know what you guys think of the new Vacheron Constantine 222. Because Houdinki said that it's the

greatest thing since sliced bread. Show a picture or something. It's a watch. I don't... All right, here we go. Let me show the picture. This is going to make it harder to edit. But whatever Shelby wants.

Well, you're asking us our opinion and you act like we've that just looks like a lot of other watches yeah it looks kind of bad actually it's like shiny in a not cool way i don't think is this shiny to you yes it looks like really it looks like the zelda way on that top picture right there it looks very much like a cobra king cobra snake i don't know why i asked you guys this sucks rolex released a left-handed gmt with your left hand t with a gm our watch i genuine. Are watches hand specific? Normally, they're all for righties. Switch hitters? But if you're a right-handed person, you wear it on your left wrist. And so they released a watch specifically for lefties,

which would actually go on your right wrist, meaning the crown is towards the hand. Oh, my God. Shut up. Enough. Stop it. The crown is towards the hand. That's nothing.

That's absolutely not. It took them, hold on. How long has Rolex been a company? It took them till 2022 to flip a crown? Well, there's a lot of manufacturing that goes into it, making the case molds to flip it, you know, whatever. To mirror it. Could take three months tops.

Something that I really care about, though, is like watches. I'm just asking if you know why it would have taken them this long. I was. Yeah, because, you know, they don't have the molds to make the case. But we don't care about you. Oh. You care about watches watches which is good the disconnector sort of chasm that we have yet to cross

is this bridge that's too either thin or fragile for us to traverse is we and i'm not just talking about shelby and me at this point you get that we as in the royal global we the listeners of the show don't care about you you jeff so you can speak passionately about something that it's not getting through I could see that for a second Jeff was going to try and sort of fake sad and then he broke and laughed but I could see it in his nose that he was starting to do a little cry

and then got him a little major key alert don't hide the cry when you try in your eyes it all comes out in the wash slash end um when you don't do the claps i do them uh we do have to take a quick break but we will be back after I compose myself and we thank some sponsors. Guys, taking care of your health isn't always easy, right? But it should be simple.

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Check it out. You guys need a bathroom break? Nope. And we're back. Oh, God. Huge thanks to Faerty for that one you're crazy for that one faerty it might be a different ad these are uh dynamically inserted so depending on when people listen to it it may or may not have been a faerty yeah what happened to you earlier man i feel like you're really coming after me this episode i did all did was bond of the week with John Scout.

Yeah, it's usual. Par for the course. Full steam ahead. What are you guys' favorite sports? Basketball. Yeah, basketball. Yeah,. Yeah, basketball. Yeah, me too, actually. But as good as basketball is,

I feel like the world is waiting for that next sport. You know, there was so much excitement around high alive for so many decades that I think it's starting to wane and i think we need a new sport actually there is kind of a new sport that i'm curious to try because i hear good things about what is it pickleball i've been playing pickleball what the hell is how is it pickleball is like if you took tennis and you took ping pong and you sort of just met in the middle. Yeah, it's like paddle tennis with a wiffle ball. It's doubles only, right? Yeah.

I guess it's game popularity. I mean, I've played singles, but it's hard. Is that the thing with the curves? No, that's high lie we were talking about. You said it had its few decades. You already brought up it's not the thing with the curves it's not but it's the super fast thing highlight listen to what we're saying speed okay pickleball and i guess it's like it's a good

post-retirement sport because there's not a lot of like running involved but you're still getting some good cardio in um and i've been playing tennis a lot recently so i feel like it would help my pickleball skills so i'm curious to try i think it's like big in arizona right now but it's starting to spread yeah there's a there's a cute few there's a few courts in la really yeah specifically pickle Yes. There's two courts in Highland Park. There's a bunch in North Hollywood for some reason. And like Burbank. Are they like full or do you have to make a reservation?

In Burbank, they're usually full. The ones in Highland Park that I found are almost always empty. Are you playing doubles or is it you could do one-on-one as well? I've done both. This is just paddle. Sure. This is just paddle. Sure. This is what they play in Venice all the time. No, that's like, you can do that on the beach.

This is like on a court. It's almost like tennis. There are rules. No, there's like paddle courts and I guess they're calling it pickleball. It's a little different. It's what I'm saying it is. Okay. Or you're off the show.

Something really sinister just watched over Jeff. Something really spooky just happened to him. I can see it in his eyes, and then just something really switched. Whatever. Pickleball's having a moment, but we're not making any fucking money off of that so I thought we could

in the next let's say nine eight minutes come up with a sport to take the world by storm yeah so the difference between paddle tennis and pickleball is court dimension court layout the rackets the balls and the scoring system are different.

So everything about it. Other than the idea that you have to get it over a net. The materials are the same-ish. We have to come up with something unexpected because every other sport, for the most part, has a ball. Interesting. Let's do away with the ball. Hockey has a puck. All right, then there can't be an object.

There can't be this roundy or sphere. Surfing, would you say that's a sport? That's a sport that doesn't have a ball. Okay. So what about... So what about you want... Surfing... It can't be racing and it can't be trick-based.

What about surfing with darts and it can't just be like putting two things together it has to be something completely new like with the first person to like put a plank of wood in the in the water and ride that shit that guy is like created something unbelievable he created something that transcends time and space and we have to do the same thing right now in the next, now seven minutes. But you said you wanted to do this in the interest of money. And I guess I'm wondering, did that guy make any money off of surfing? There's also like spiritual currency where like, because when I surf. I mean, that's fair.

Yeah. I wonder if there's like, and I mean, let's be honest here. A lot of sports are trying to like change the world, but it's the fact that they're doing everything for profit that they can't. You see basketball players wearing shirts that say things that are obviously making a positive impact in terms of social change, but how does our

sport further the world? And we have six and a half minutes. I want the sport to be like doing my laundry or something. Make it fun. Make laundry fun again. What if it's like planting trees? Fast. Fast.

But it can't be a race and there can't be like a ball and I feel like a tree. How? It's not. It's unrelated to a ball. Seeds have nothing to do with balls. What's a sport that somebody could play also without any equipment? Because like that would make it, you know, it could be a worldwide sport like football. Jumping.

Okay, now we're on to something. How do we jump with an objective? High jump, long jump, hurdles. No, no, no, no, no. None of those because those exist. If there's a word for it, it's already a sport. You want us to create a game using no words that we already know? Okay, not no words we already know, but track and field, right?

Let's say that's all one umbrella sport. Just spitballing here, free associating in a way. What about back and yield? Back and yield, okay. So what would that be out of curiosity it would be like sports massage competitively that yields some kind of result yields a result i'm the first one's gonna be bad all right once we get seven ideas in suddenly we're working with gas that's actually kind of interesting how do you make a stove a sport uh they do that with like food network okay shit my zoom might die and stuff like that it's hard when my zoom dies i think i'm gonna

leave so i'll look like yeah it's sort of leave. What? Do you even have one bar? It's down to one bar, and it might last the episode, but I'm not going to go get batteries for the rest of this. What you're saying makes me want to go away, so I'll just let the fates decide when that happens. I feel like people don't write longhand anymore. That could be something that people train for by doing that happens. I feel like people don't write longhand anymore. That could be something that people train for by doing that thing with the weight. And then it's like

who can write the best? Not even just the fastest. Can I genuinely ask, what is writing longhand? Like, not typing. Oh, okay. Yeah, but like it's like a writing competition but they already have those this sucks um we've gamified most stuff because uh nobody it makes things uh easier to do so

there you go what has not been you know turned competitive sex anyone can do that and you could have sex for points what about some sort of falling asleep contest what about sex for points it seems like it'll immediately go misogynistic really i feel like immediately it'll be anti-woman so quickly it'll fall into like a women are awesome sex doesn't have to be penetrative so you, you know, it could also be like, how good can you eat ass for points? But the judge is so subjective. Well, so, I mean, so is like gymnastics. Like a robot to be like.

Gymnasties. That's what we could call it. That's marketable. That's very, I think advertisers would be really interested. I feel like the only way you could call it that's marketable that's very i think advertisers would be really way you could judge it right would be if the recipient was not human and there was sensors and receptors being like they did good at this okay because i think if it's a person it's like there's so much preference in there that's interesting iir, speak on that.

No. I don't want to have to talk about competitive sex with you. Like you backed me into a corner. I don't feel comfortable with this dialogue. I don't feel like I've been at HeadGum long enough to say no. So I feel like I had to say yes. Yes, of course. And that's the problem.

Like Jeff puts you into these social situations that you feel stuck and you're forced to do something that you're not necessarily super comfortable with and that's like that's the vibe of the show here it's just like it's gross it's tacky it's unnecessary it's uncouth so I don't want to talk about gymnastics because it seems like you're sort of guiding the conversation there anyway this is hard

by the way that was easy we do have two minutes to come up with the best sport in the world i'm wondering if there's something to do with art because art has already been commodified but how do we gamify it who can make the best statue in a year so the season in a house in a hat with a side of sauce who can make the best statue in a year yeah yeah that's a pretty good that's a good sport i also feel like sports favor the young so what's something that favors young carl or otherwise

what not the sex thing from before this sucks you this sucks yeah yeah you came up with it it's your doing you wanted to do this how do you make air something to compare who has the cleaner air and it's like it can be sort of like formula one it's like don't they already know that yeah you can measure that no i'm saying like who can make the biggest the best air purifier and then who can use the air purifier to clean the room the best. And it'd be like F1. You are talking about business. This is not a game.

Yeah. This is not a game. This is two air purifier companies competing for the better products. I knew you guys wouldn't get it. We have to move on. This sucks. It's climate change. You're talking about politics or something plugs no way

would you guys know your Myersers-briggs test i forget that's the enf whatever the fuck right yeah i think i'm like an what if would it make sense if i said enf like j slash t enf justin slash timberland yes that's what it was i don't think the slash t means anything but i've had like a j dash like my last one is a mix oh well it would be oh dash p then yeah uh i'm an infj you're an introvert yeah i get exhausted by stuff like this you do it so often i know that's why i'm always tired oh um amir i'm an amir a one of a kind uh no i'm an IT... Specialist. I'll... Well, it's good that we know ourselves some more than others.

But today I wanted to introduce a new personality test. The Briars-Miggs test. So much of your things are just switching the first letter this is gonna be how you interact with others based on ice cream and pop punk bands okay briars of course being sort of a dairy entity yeah it's being a naughty oddies pop punk outfit out of san francisco amir let's start with you when you when you're in social scenarios do you get drained by the end of the night or by the end of the night after spending time with people are you sort of so this is just the regular one but not have any results will be different okay sure i feel drained at the end of a night

of talking to people yeah so you're sort of a ryan ross you're sort of a ryan ross from panic at the disco in that exact regard because he sort of strikes me as an introvert i'd have to guess there's usually more questions right there are i just he didn't respond i like it can't i don't know who that is you probably didn't know what judgment meant until you took the myers-briggs of course i knew what judgment meant when you're at an ice cream parlor do you like to sit in the middle of the room or at the sides and also what flavor do you get you're clearly making this up as you go along I really thought flavor

would be what the test delivered that is what the test delivers but it's like sometimes the test will ask you do you think you're an introvert or an extrovert and if you think you're an introvert that means you're an extrovert it sucks once again absolutely your choice And if you think you're an introvert, that means you're an extrovert. This sucks. Once again, absolutely your choice. I sit in the sides and I get cookies and cream.

Cookies and cream. Like your weird milk juice. All right, Amir. um all right amir when you find yourself in a group of strangers do you cope with the social anxiety by talking a lot or do you sort of sink into the shadows shadows really that's interesting um and when you are with family do you end up resolving conflict or maybe accidentally starting it? Neither. I neither start nor end conflict. I've got your results.

You would just exist within it? I've got your results. Okay. You're going to be a DWWC WCC okay that's Dallin Weeks waffle cone with chocolatey chips so you're sort of a touring bassist who can't get enough of waffle cones cake cones even

sometimes who can't get enough of waffle cones. Cake cones even sometimes. And we have to do that again with Shelby now? Yeah. Because it took so long the first time. It took five minutes. It's a ten minute segment. Same questions for her, or did you think of new questions?

There's always new questions with this game. This test, sorry. I'm already thinking about sports. It helps that there's a little bit of new questions. There's always new questions at this game. This test, sorry. I'm already thinking about sports. It helps that there's a little bit of different stuff. Let's hear the first question, then see how different it is. Shelby, when you laugh, is it more of a grin-based laugh, or is it an open mouth, ha ha ha?

I guess it depends how funny the joke is. That's not... That's a good answer, but for the test, you have to choose one. It says open mouth, ha ha ha. Yes. What's this? I would say that's a grin. Okay, then that.

Probably. Unless you really get me. When traveling, do you take the lead in planning or is it something that you're just or is it something that you're just along for the ride for is what i was gonna say i'm along for the ride that's awesome um in terms of dairy how thick can it get scientifically hard cheese really that's the hardest dairy gets

okay and how hard do you get what's up I'm asking you the briars questions how hard do I get yeah in regards to what jeff i don't know hard to be around fully erect in general angry right now a lot right and when you're around a campfire do you sort of work to build the fire or do you are you just along for the ride i like to build the fire really that's gonna change

your entire result actually well i like to do it so i guess it's the better answer. The results are in. Shelby, you are a KTTLFV. Katie Tunstall. Katie Tunstall, lactose-free vanilla. Was it really Katie Tunstall? Yeah. What is she? What band is she in?

She was in Migs. And she was also, didn't she do suddenly i see yeah yeah what the hell can be surrounded suddenly i see see suddenly this is where i want to be i mean sorry never sing because it doesn't sound good uh shelby it does feel like this result resonated with you a little bit not lactose-free I can have as much of it as I want. Okay, then just homemade vanilla then. Let's change it to K-T-T-H-M-V. Okay.

I mean, it's kind of a boring flavor. I would say it's a boring flavor. No, you don't. You suck at singing. There's an entire Lonely and Horny episode about how you can't sing. I was actually so uncomfortable right now. No, this is real. You sing on your podcast all the time as a joke.

You know it's a gaffe, and your audience is aghast every time you open your trap. This is tough to watch and sit around and sort of see happening. Some people have pipes like an organ. You have pipes like an organ you have pipes like an 18th century penitentiary

what do you mean you're rusty and i don't mean because you haven't been in the game for a while you've been in the game and you're covered in soot soot i'm in the game and i'm covered in plugs amir what you got going on man projects you said a lot of really mean shit to me 30 seconds ago sorry he said he said i sound like shit my pipes are rusty yeah with soot not on like an 18th century prison yeah i'm so i don't know if i'm i'm sorry for not to say sorry that he doesn't want to plug his singing show now yeah like i was about to drop my sound cloud and for what his choir is performing

all weekend now he's not gonna say anything about it you sing with others yeah i'm a alto in a kid's choir no way and a solo a soloist too. That's so high. I caught his last show because I babysat a kid in the choir. And? Did definitely bring a deeper voice than anyone else had in the choir. You sang the alto part an octave down which made it all sound

strange. Suddenly I see. Even the lowest voiced kid is sort of up here. Where? Here. This is the kid tone. I feel like the vibes

have been great today. Oh my God. Why? What's that? What do you think that? Oh, I just think the three of us got on really well I think we came up with probably the greatest sport ever

in competitive sex with robots I think we we definitely made some casting decisions we're going to put out the offer to John Scout the dead spree creator and ultimately Michael Cera

ultimately Michael Cera is our backup. He deserves the role. And your personality is KTT, HV. And Amir's is some weird combination of W's and C's. And I think that's fine. I think we did something big. Sometimes it feels like something's about to happen, cosmically. This was it.

Plugs. Cash me outside how about da the da how about da plugs this is like it can't end until you guys plug your nonsense jeff we have a show together you plug it Shelby and I have a show together at Lyric Hyperion Monday April 18th which actually is the Monday after this episode comes out so why don't you is that a monthly thing or

you just committed to one show monthly well we're committed to one but it's going to be monthly ideally monthly wow and is it like always like the third Monday of every month or is it like we'll figure out may when it happens it's gonna be a figure out may when it happens type of vibe probably eventually get to blank a more consistent thing but i think you know we got some stuff we got some kinks yeah and then to figure out how many tickets need to be sold for the lyric hype here like

what's capacity there capacity i think is like 70 total but it also can be 55 so it's a pretty intimate venue but we have a great lineup we have caleb harron shelby's co-host broti gupta and kylie brakeman and taylor garan so So how many tickets have you sold so far? We haven't checked. I see. So not too many. Probably 20. I'd have to guess 20-ish.

Because we announced it two days ago. And the goal is to just... 10 per day. Yeah. The goal is to sell it out and then keep it going. What's in it for you guys if other people are doing stand-up? Attention. Cash and attention.

Oh, you guys get a cut at the door and some of the applause at the top and bottom of the show. Tip your performers. Yeah, people are like, wait, that was fun. Good job. Tip your performers. You do it for tips? What's that? You're not getting paid.

You're asking people for money when they get there? I'd be nice. It'd be fair if it's funny. It's like we're giving you a service you know yeah you pay for because people pay for the show but then you also want right but you pay for a meal and then you tip your waiter yeah i see you pay for they're paying for the show and then we're serving hot hot comedy so it's sort of like oh you tip your servers yeah and then do you guys now know more comedians because those are the the core four like what happens in may you

get who do you we got a pretty big? Who do you ask to do the show? We got a pretty big backlog of people begging to be on the show. Yeah. Oh, really? Yeah. Can you drop some names? Who can we expect for May and beyond?

If you guys do like... I'm trying to decide if I should be earnest or fake. That's sort of the logline of this entire podcast I put an email in to Flo from Progressive she's sort of funny in those spots okay so this might be the best show to go to then

the April show yeah people should go to the April one come to the April one it is stacked and who knows but if it goes well if it's fun if we get shit done. And then, Shelby, why did you decide to go the Jeff is my co-host route? Because it feels like these are your friends.

You could have easily done this show. Sans anchor. Yeah. It's something that certainly. What's up, Jeff? Sans. I can't quite read what he's saying we see sons there's more to it that we can't see it's not relevant it's just he said sons so uh yeah um was it jeff's idea why jeff jeff has a certain people so part of having people to get people to come to your show other than other shows there does have to be a little bit of

pity i see and sort of like yeah really brings that there's this idea that people seem to kind of unanimously agree with at least on the east side of los angeles that i'm hanging on by a thread so to not come to the show people don't want to be the the one to break that thread so it's sort of like for me i could get the guests but i can't get the sympathy attendees and i think jeff can fill out those last 15 seats yeah and those people are sort of the biggest laughers because they're trying to make sure he doesn't break down yeah correct so best audience members are the ones that are there to help Jeff get through the day yeah and it is it is a low bar for me but if I don't hit it it's um you know

tough you know I room for a month I'm in my room for a month yeah yeah you can follow me on Instagram on Twitter trying to get to 10,000 before the 100th episode so tell your friends tell your fiends, tell your foes, tell your family

this sucks what's up? this sucks and steal your foes, steal your family. This sucks. What's up? This sucks. Plug your not... Did you guys plug anything? We did this for you. We already plugged.

No, thank you. Really, I actually appreciate it. No, no, thank you. You said this song. That was your gut, knee-first reaction. Listen to Keeping Records. It releases on this day as well. And follow me at Shelby Wolstein on all platforms because I make it easy to find me.

Hell yeah. Me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, That was a Hiddem original.