The Headgum Podcast - 99: The Nice Episode (w/ Caleb & Shelby!)

Episode Date: April 22, 2022

Caleb Hearon and Shelby Wolstein (Keeping Records podcast) join Geoff for the first ever NICE EPISODE and to discuss toxic celebrities and GNEISS! BUY THE HEADGUM PODCAST MERCH! Advertise on��The Headgum Podcast via Gumball.fm Rate The Headgum Podcast 5-stars on Apple Podcasts. Rate The Headgum Podcast 5-stars on Spotify. Join the Headgum Discord.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Original. Previously on the HeadGum Podcast. So did you come here by yourself? Nice! This is gonna be you at the party. Can I buy you a drink? Yeah, this place is super cool. Yeah, me? No, I've never been here before.

Your nose is bleeding. Nice. Welcome to... I can hear a word Danny said. Welcome to the HeadGum Podcast's 99th episode. Congratulations. Thank you. Yeah, this is the final episode, so I thought that we could be nice to each other today. Oh my god, I love that idea. I thought that we could be nice to each other today. Oh, my God.

I love that idea. I love that. That's really special. And I want to say thank you for booking us on the 99th and not the 100th. I think that's really special. Did you guys get my email about the 100th? Yes. I don't know.

You did. Okay. I'm in a new space with my email where I don't read a lot of them. That's cool. Yeah, I'm just tired of it. Yeah. In a nice way. In a very nice way.

Yeah. We'll lead off with two compliments about both of you. Shelby, I think that you are not only humble, but also pretty affable. The first compliment to be humble. Okay. Caleb, I think you dress really well. Sorry. No, he likes that.

Give me the second one as well. I think that your people skills are second to none. Wow. Mine were humble and actual. Yours were you look good and people love to be around you. It's a nice episode. I'm using into it.

I'm not used to this. I'll go next. Yeah. I'll go next. Shelby, you are one of the funniest, smartest, and most loyal people

I've ever met in my life. And I love you and I know that we'll be friends until the day that we die together. I feel like that was like 12. Which is awesome. And Jeff. Jeff, you are one of the easiest to get along with and also funniest people I've ever met. And I had a great time with you the day we went to the farmer's market. That was a really nice day, actually.

I was thinking about that like literally yesterday. I love that my friends went to the farmer's market, and I never even heard about it. We got matching hats. I wore that hat on Wednesday. That's awesome. I should have sent you a photo. Good time with the boys. We should have worn the hats today.

Yeah, we should have. We messed up. Shelby, it was a random thing. Yeah. It wasn't a big, plain thing. Caleb called me. Nobody's ever done this, by the way. This is how I thing. Yeah. It wasn't a big, plain thing. Caleb called me. Nobody's ever done this, by the way. This is how I behave.

Yeah. Which I kind of got as you were doing it. It didn't feel like a step out. Shelby already knows where this is going. At 11 a.m., I got a call from Caleb being like, what are you doing right now? Do you want to get lunch? And I was like, no one's ever done this?

Yeah. Yeah. No one's ever invited you to lunch. No one's ever called me in the morning to get lunch that day ever yeah so I was like let me do it

and it was a lot of fun went to kombu went to kombu shout out ended up at the farmer's market shout out shout out to

silver lake farmer's market shout out to trying to park in silver lake on a Saturday or whatever day it was Sunday I don't know today was hard

because it's a Friday and it's street sweeping. They have a lot at the studio that you can use. Well, I knew there was two guests and then we have two producers so I wanted to give the slots to other people because I'm trying to be nice. It's a nice episode.

Yeah, it is nice to do that. That is nice. Shelby, your turn. Then we want to do more compliments and then we'll go back to Jeff. Caleb and I do compliment each other on the pod sometimes. Yeah. So some of these we have to keep. Mine better not be repeats, though.

Go ahead. Sorry. Yeah, no worries. Unless you want to. No worries. No, genuinely no worries. Yeah, it's no worries. I mean, it's the no worries episode more than anything.

Yeah. Caleb is quite honestly one of the most talented people I know. And I think his work ethic has been like a big learning thing for me to be around. It's the nice episode, baby. That's so sweet of you to say. That's really sweet. Do you want to give one for Jeff? Jeff is honestly very charming.

Honestly, you hate to give it to him because he is. Even on the nicer side. Jeff is extremely charming, and I think most people that meet Jeff are like, I like this guy. Some people really don't like me. I don't think that's true. I don't think it's true. There are some people in our spheres who dislike me strongly. I don't think that's true. I don't think it's true. There are some people in our spheres who dislike me strongly. I don't think they know you.

I would also agree with that. A friend of mine, I think, didn't like me because of... And then now we're good friends. To know Jeff is to like Jeff. Biggest insecurities. Oh, this is really good. Nobody did my cheers, but... To know Jeff is to love Jeff.

I fully didn't recognize... None of what you just said registered with me. You have that app from 2008. Yeah, where you glug, glug, glug. Oh my God, or... I have the lighter. I have the lighter. I was at a concert a month ago, and somebody...

Oh my God, congratulations. Thank you so much. It meant a lot to me, because music is, well, love. To know music is to love music. Somebody brought a tea candle to like do the thing. Maybe they were limiting screen time. That's cute. They brought a tea candle?

You can rock with that. They brought a little tea candle. They lit it up. They said, ooh, baby, I love you. Am I crazy for thinking ow? Well they have the little metal tins around them usually. Metal? Which is a conductor of I think my biggest insecurity is my lack

of spatial awareness. That's it? Yeah, well it's like tied into like other stuff but I think that I, there was, I invited somebody who I had a big crush on to my house last summer. And I was like... What happened?

She had told me about one of her favorite cocktails, and we have a lime tree in our front yard. So I was like, we have limes. I can make you that cocktail with the lime. And then I tried to pull a lime. This is at a bonfire with 10 people. I pull the lime, it like takes too much time and too much force to get it off the

tree so that when it finally pops off I recoil and fall over a bench spilling her friend's drink. It's the nice episode. So I'm going to say that's not bad. I'm sorry that that happened to you. Biggest insecurity? Well in line with spatial awareness, which is not my biggest insecurity, it's maybe my least I'm sorry that that happened to you. That's not bad. Biggest insecurity?

Well, in line with spatial awareness, which is not my biggest insecurity, it's maybe my least big insecurity. But do you ever hug someone and accidentally step on their toes? That's one of the worst things to happen to me. I hate that. People don't do it to me. I step on toes. Like, I'm the toe stepper. I'm a mistake.

My biggest insecurity is most of them. Yeah, you have the big ones? Yeah. Okay, yeah. Good, good, good. Not good enough people don't like me, those kinds of things. Yeah. Mine is probably that I give too much.

Your biggest insecurity is that you are too generous? Yeah, I think I'm like, am I insecure? I'm like, oh, am I giving too much? Because I'm always giving. Right. And is the fear that people would be like, ah, like it's a little too much? Well, yeah. Just that I guess I fear pouring from an empty cup. I'm sorry.

No, you know. Yeah. Yeah. I really feel so free on the nice episode because I know I can't be far. This is difficult. You both already said things that I would have jumped down your throat for. No worries.

That's no worries, Jeff. Let's keep it going with our Bonds of the Week. Daniel Craig is out as 007. And so every week until the next James is cast, we're going to cast our vote. Oh, I know mine.

Do I get to go now? Yeah. Or shall we go? Go ahead. Danny McBride. Danny McBride. Danny McBride would be an incredible Bond. Think of it. Slick suits, talking the way he talks.

How fun. I think it would I think it's a great idea yeah I think it's yeah thanks guys I think casting would love to have a conversation

about that I think so too I think it's also and the conversation can go a lot of different ways but I think they would love to have a conversation about it

well why don't you guys say Shelby John Goodman but I think they would love to have a conversation about it. Well, why don't you guys say? Shelby? John Goodman. I actually like a John Goodman Bond. Good answer, good answer. It's time for a good man as Bond. Yeah.

Well, you know, he went to the same college as me. Yeah. Missouri State University. Missouri State University. Go Bears. Go Bears. I feel like you don't shout out UVM enough. Catamounts. What did you say?

Catamounts? That's their thing. That's why I don't shout them out. My Bond of the Week is Ang Lee. I don't know who that is. Casey, thoughts? I mean, I just know where it's going. You must not know Ang Lee.

You must not know Ang Lee. He directed Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon. He describes himself as a Taoist Buddha. Baby, you must not know Ang Lee. You must not know Ang Lee. must not know Ang Lee he almost always works with James Seamus so don't you ever for a second get to thinking he works with Mark Ronson that was a really good song Jeff good job thank you Thank you. You're really good with the sound effects. Thank you for dabbing.

Yeah, thank you for dabbing. Thank you for dabbing. It's been a minute since anyone's had the bravery. Yeah. Let's talk about dating in LA. Oh, fuck. What's the talk of the town? What are the new spots?

It's the nice episode. It's not the positive episode. I will say, what are the new spots? Yeah. Where are you taking people on? Where are you taking Lindsay on dates, Shelby? Once you hear this, says people. Yeah. Where are you taking people on? Where are you taking Lindsay on dates, Shelby? Once you hear this, says people.

People. Like, honestly, the same restaurants you and I go to. Little Dom's. Yeah, Bakari. Bakari. I'm taking people to,

if I like a guy and we're going on our first date and he likes seafood, I always ask first because some people don't. Yeah. I'm taking him to Water Grill downtown.

Water Grill's great. It's fancy. I'm picking up the check. You ever get the lobster roll? I get it all. The lobster roll's so good. I'm going order whatever you want.

We should go to Son of a Gun in West Hollywood. Have you been there? I have and it's delicious. It's so good. I've not been. Do you eat meat?

No. That's good for the environment. And that's good. Well, Son of a Gun is great. Where are you taking people on dates? Is it a meat-only restaurant? No, it's actually a seafood restaurant, mostly.

Do you eat fish? We should get you into seafood, at least. I've never eaten anything with you. Because I didn't know your dietary preferences. Well, Shelby recently became gay.

Right. And so there are a lot of changes going on for her right now. So we might be able to get her into fish like sushi stuff like that soon

because she's in an open-minded place right now. My mom's been vegetarian since she was 14 and for her 60th birthday ate crab legs Queen Damn Daniel I like to do a

create your own sort of experience so picnic you know that's really kind of it You like to do picnics as a first date? Yeah. That's awesome. I, yeah, that's really creative and fun. I think it's not for me, probably because I don't want to sit on the ground. That's fair. Yeah. You have to have a certain, you have to assume a flexibility of the partner and of your own

to sit comfortably and attractively on the floor a while back I went on a date and did a I made a picnic and we ate it in my truck bed which again spatial awareness is bad

getting in and out of a truck bed, which, again, spatial awareness is bad. Getting in and out of a truck bed to get sangria is... Well, it's not looking too good for old Jeff. Was there padding downed? There was... There were blankets, billows. Did you guys hook up in the truck? No. You can be honest.

Yeah. Really? No. You can be honest. Yeah. Really? No. I just really wanted to be cool on the nice episode. No, I think, Jeff, the picnic for you is a really good understanding

of where we're at with straight men. Yeah. I think where we are culturally with straight men, it calls for picnics. Yeah. Something gentle and thoughtful.

You know, it's needed. Do you guys love hard? Excuse me? with straight men it calls for picnics. Yeah. Something gentle and thoughtful you know it's needed. Do you guys love hard? Excuse me? Do you love hard? Yeah. I'm afraid I don't

understand what's being asked. Do you love hard or do you love weak? Oh we're talking about like in men? In capacity.

How hard do you love? Do you love little bit or do you love do you love little bit or do you love a lot I mean I don't date so people in your life people in my life oh I think I love hard

don't you think yeah that's what I was trying to guide you to what about you Jeff um uh oh my boy has commitment issues

no I I think I I think I love hard Uh-oh. My boy has commitment issues. No, I think I... I think I love hard. I thought... The whole time I thought you were asking us if we loved hard, like hard was a restaurant or something. Yeah, hard as a noun. Not like you actively love hard. Hard as a noun, not an adjective.

In terms of hard, do you love it? Yeah, I mean, it can be so powerful, depending on the context. I think we're doing well being nice to each other. I'm feeling good about it. I've settled into it. Yeah. Do you guys think they like it? No.

I think people are going to hate it. Yeah. Well, I don't care what they want. This is about us in the room. I was just curious what you thought about what they thought. Can I say something to the listeners? Yeah. You can address camera two.

I'll probably do one because it's the one pointing at me. I just want to say, if you guys aren't liking the nice episode, I really want you to- Look inward. Look inward. I want you to do some work around that because that's crazy. This is really sweet and beautiful. Three friends. Four if you count Casey.

Five if you count- Which is up Casey, five if you count Anya. A couple of friends being good to each other, man, there's nothing like it. You don't get this anymore. You don't see this anymore. Everything's politics and bickering. Let's take a step back. Let's make it nice again.

Anyway. Make America nice again. Keeping records, let's talk about it. Best podcast on earth? It is one of my favorite podcasts. Well, you have to say that. No, I don't have to say that.

I know it's a nice episode, but I just wouldn't have said anything. Okay. We took down your guys' decorations, the light-up moons. Pretty cool. Anya and Casey, geniuses. Yeah. It's been awesome to be back in the studio.

I'm realizing that some of our stuff is still up. Right. Well. I think that's fine. I just am realizing it. Like the Voyager picture. I think that's fine. I just am realizing it. Like the Voyager picture. I think it's good. I think it's good too.

It's sort of a half and half between your guys' show and whatever this is. This is head gum and we're on head gum. We're on head gum. Well, Caleb asked me this morning before Shelby got here because she was late, which is fine. And I hold space for people. I hold space for people to be late. Even though we did push 15 minutes. But we pushed 15 minutes because of not me.

Right, right. But in your head when you woke up this morning. But then you gave me a little bit of extra time. And this is the first time that I've sort of felt that push and pull of wanting to be rude. No, no. I think it was cool. I thought it was powerful even. You did walk in a little bit like a rock star.

A little bit. Because of her sunglasses. A little bit. And you entered the building with a chuckle. I did enter with a chuckle. Casey opened the door for you. You didn't say anything. And all I hear is, let me do my Shelby laugh. And I mean this in the nicest way possible. Go ahead.

I did walk in like that. Brought a little cheer to the office. You're always bringing a little holiday cheer. Here I am. You guys excited for Arbor Day? That's the tree holiday? Yeah, well, it's a little bit more than that. Is it?

Yeah, most of the trees. No, I'm genuinely, is it? I don't know much. It's celebrating trees. I think Keeping Records is... I think Keeping Records is a beautiful podcast. You had a great episode on the pod. That was a lot of fun. You had a great one.

Thanks. It was a really good one. I felt underprepared for that episode. I think it went really well. I think it didprepared for that episode. Hmm. I think it went really well. I think it did. We're in the studio now. We're doing nice.

Most like you. We're doing nice. Yeah. Well you guys aren't. I feel like I've seen some clips and it's you're really at each other's throats.

So this must be. On Keeping Records? Yeah. Shelby and I on Keeping Records tune in you guys every Friday. Shelby and I are giving

we're giving sibling rivalry. With sexual tension. With sexual tension. I feel like you're giving Sonny and Cher. With sexual tension. That is. We're actually giving Donnie and Marie sibling rivalry with sexual tension. Yeah.

Osmond, by the way. We're giving Seventh Heaven sibling rivalry with sexual tension. Osmond, by the way. We're giving Seventh Heaven. Sibling rivalry with sexual tension. Didn't an actor on Seventh Heaven die recently? Huh. I thought one of them got kind of caught for doing something bad. That's what it was. The dad was doing kid stuff.

Yeah. Yeah. I hate to hear that from Seventh Heaven. From Seventh Heaven, that sucks. Yeah. Well, it's always those types, though, isn't it a priest like dan schneider no um i get that one's also not good uh you know what let's hit him with a major key alert it's important to foster community and i feel like that's something that you guys do well and something that I want to do a little bit more of is like finding different avenues of connection with others in terms of

comedy in terms of pure just unadulterated print friendship in terms of Living near your friends so that you can feel like you're a part of a small town within a larger city Because that's what Los Angeles is it's's, what is it, 50 suburbs? Yeah. Yeah. Basically. Pretty much. So what are you saying? You want to move?

That's the most complicated way of saying I'm shopping. I'm curious. No, I'm just saying like figuring out, like Shelby and I have a show well it was last monday um when this comes out that caleb's on you're on the show i will have been on the show and i will have killed yeah caleb did so good yeah and jeff and i really tried no that's accurate i don't know what i'm doing for my are you guys we have to talk about the runoff show yeah are you guys doing like sketch together are you guys gonna do individual stand-up or both? You guys saw and you guys loved what we did.

Let's take a quick break. Okay. Let's take a quick break. And we'll be right back after we thank some sponsors. Are you getting a lot of ads right now? Guys, taking care of your health isn't always easy, right? But it should be simple. That's why for the last three years I've been taking AG1,

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And we're back to the nice episode of the HeadGum podcast. Episode 99. It's been beautiful. Yeah. It's been really beautiful. 99 and so damn fine. 99 and so damn fine. I really need you guys to respond to the email that I sent about the 100th episode.

I'll respond. Don't worry. I don't know that I got it. I'll forward it to you. Thank you. That's a friend. So it's easy to be nice to who you consider your friends anyways, but I thought that we could kind of push the boundaries here a little bit.

Who you consider. Just out of curiosity, who do you think's doing the consider i don't know because i would say just factually we are friends we are friends that's how i felt but now i'm feeling like you think that's the insecurity coming out okay oh you gotta work on that when you can see that when you when you can see that and people like for you to say just now that's the insecurity coming out that changed the whole thing for me. Yeah. Really? Yeah. Because before I was like, why the fuck would Jeff say that? Oh.

But now I'm kind of like, oh, that's why Jeff said that. I thought we could be nice to some people who it's even more difficult to be nice to. Great. So I'm going to show a couple people. Please don't look at my outline. I didn't know if it was there or there. And we'll see how well we can do this here we go okay dana white dana white who owns the ufc yeah um he has really created space for men who would otherwise probably be doing something worse.

And I mean that. I mean that for both the fighters and the fans. Yeah. I think the couple hours that he puts on a show for the fans, those guys would be out, you know, doing stuff they shouldn't. Yeah, the fighters and the fans. All of them. Everyone who likes it would be doing some bad stuff to a lot of innocent people.

A lot of domestic stuff, probably. So, good job, Dana White. I think he's created a lane for people who, by virtue of their line of work or just where they live, have sort of tanned their skin to a hide. And he's made it not chic, but at least there's a celebrity that you can point to and be like, well, you know, at least I look like Dana White. And I think if you're living in the places that make your skin look like that, you're probably a fan. Okay.

I think men fighting wasn't getting enough attention. Look at Randy Orton slithering. Watch out! Watch out! Watch out! Watch out! Here's the cover! Yeah, different thing. Alec Baldwin. Alec Baldwin. It is so hard to know if a gun

is loaded. And that's what I want to say to alec it's so hard to know and that vegan woman did miss you ultimately at the end she said alec baldwin is he the one that called his daughter a fat pig yep whether we like it or not that is funny is he the one that called his daughter a fat pig? Yep. Whether we like it or not, that is funny. Sorry to say. Got him!

I think that he he's he's taught me how to protect my privacy. Because the way that he interacts with Paparazzo is second to none. Just anger right off the bat. Sort of using their own words against them to justify his anger. So when somebody will come up to me and be like, hey, I like the podcast or I like the sketches, I'll just find a way to kind of get them out of my face in the rudest way possible. But it's only to protect my privacy, which is important to me.

That's awesome. That's awesome. That's awesome. That's awesome. Ellen DeGeneres. Ellen DeGeneres, it's not hard for me to be nice to her at all. She legitimately paved a massive path for queer people and that can never be taken from her.

And she let gay people be mean again. Yeah. Gay people used to be mean, and it was awesome. And then when they started, then it was like, oh, no, gay people are so nice and fun. And then she came along, and it was like, wait, we can be mean. Oh, gay people are, like, docile,

a little, like, they're your best friend to go shopping with. No, gay people used to be bitchy. She didn't just pave a way for gay people to be on daytime television. She paved a way for gay people to be really unlikable. Yeah, nightmares. Which is how it used to be and it was iconic. I say bring it back. Thank you, Ellen.

It's on fire! Pretty cool. I nailed that note, by the way. Letto. Can't do it. No, I thought his cartoonish performance in House of Gucci was legitimately transcendent. It was camp. Yeah, I didn't see that movie, but I heard that every scene he had a different regional Italian accent. Yeah, and it was camp. Yeah.

This picture looks like Courtney Cox in Drag King. That's exactly right. Yeah. Not enough face work, though. I think that he... She took a lot of that down. She took a lot of her face work down? She undid face work?

Well, because a lot of it fades, and she stopped doing a lot of it. Oh, good for her. She needed to. Yeah. I think that he... This looks a lot like her now. Really? Sort of like, whoa.

I checked the thumbnail title It is Courtney Cox It is Courtney Cox Courtney Cox does drag I think that he is He lives in a missile silo in Laurel Canyon A former military base And I think that while When you look at him that reads as scary

I think if any one of us did that it would be awesome Have you been to his place? No It's cool what he has not been i have no there's no way i have we'll talk about it off the pod i can't get too much into it but basically i think if you had you would want to get into it i can't on the pod it's i signed an nda you signed an nda to go to his missile site? About what happened in there. Okay. Jared Leto has a way of looking that is so unique to him. I think 30 Seconds to Mars isn't a bad band. I don't know even that he's in that. Lea Michele.

Lea Michele. I don't remember why she got in so much trouble recently, and that is good. Nice. That's good for her, yeah. Yeah. That's good for her. I think she can sing.

Pretty good. Can you do your best Lea Michele? No. Hey. I sounded exactly like Imogen Heap by mistake she bullied her co-stars on Glee yeah they were all kind of like she wasn't that nice to us oh

no that's something else no one of them died well the fact that i didn't well many of them have died the fact that one of them died drowning yes who died drowning naya naya oh naya rivera yeah and then cory monteith yeah and then the other one well the other one i think went to prison but then i thought he died well yeah if you'd have told me that the nice episode would have been included Just a retrospective Of dead Gleam cast members

I wouldn't I would have started with that Well you still have to tell the truth in the nice episode And they did all die Pratt Aaron Rodgers Aaron Rodgers Aaron Rodgers boy can he throw a spiral

he can really play the game he can play ball and he's creative Dr. Oz I can't endorse his political affiliations at this time. But what about... Yeah, I've never seen his show.

He grifted. I mean, he's about his paper. He scammed his way to the top. You got to give him that. That's true. Hey, he owns more houses than I do. I'll give him that. Do you know how many houses he owns?

Well, I don't own any. So I'm assuming he owns at least one. That was it. That was a long segment. I think we did our best. It was a really long segment. Full steam ahead. It's time to play

one of my new favorite games. Welcome to Nice or Nah. That is nice. I think so. So you don't even need the rules of the game? Do you want to do it for the listeners? Yeah. Yeah.

So it's based, nice or nah is basically, I show a photo of a rock and you guys have to say whether it's nice, G-N-E-I-S-S or nah. Yeah. Great. This one, the first one you said it is? Yeah. That's going to be absolutely correct. By the way, this is for actual cash.

Here we go again. So. Last time we were on the pod, this is for actual cash. Here we go again. Last time we were on the pod, Jeff Venmoed me like $1,200. And then begged for it back. And then begged for it back, and I really needed money. That was the biggest amount of money I'd ever sent on the podcast, and the closest I came to not getting it back. You were not close to not getting it back, I promise. That was nice.

That was nice. Nice. Here we go. That's going That was nice. That was nice. Nice. Here we go. Nah. Nah. That's going to be nice. It's like chloro-something nice. Do you remember, did you guys have a geology class in undergrad?

Yeah. Where you had to do this shit? It was the hardest class I took in college. And you, in lab, genuinely. I know. I almost threw up. They put out 35 rocks and you had to go around and be like, name the fucking thing. Yeah.

I couldn't believe it. Geology class was the hardest the fucking thing. Yeah. I couldn't believe it. Geology class was the hardest class I took in college. I couldn't believe it. Why do they call it rocks for jocks then? Because it's supposed to be the easiest science class. And it was not. It was not. It's like the professor found that out.

It was like, we'll see. My professor was obsessed with making inappropriate jokes. He really wanted to be a comedian. And they were bad. Good for him. He also, by the time I got to him, had obviously gotten in trouble a lot. So he would be like, yeah, what do you call it?

He would make a joke about a woman's breasts or something. And then he'd be like, if you guys didn't like that, just let me know personally and please don't go to the dean. And it was iconic uh all right hey i'm open to feedback he said yeah my joy is always open and in a different place about the feedback oh this is interesting this is not nice this is nice correct this is gonna. Oh, to me this was lava. No, I forget the form. It's something nice.

I labeled these and numbered so that I would have them in order. Okay, this one is not nice. Caleb? It's nice. That one's going to be nice. Are all of them? Nope. Okay, no worries.

This one is not. Correct. That's going to be schist. Fuck. Schist fuck. Schist fuck. Oh, here we go. Yeah.

No, that's going to be a blanket. It is also schist. Looks like a blanket. This is interesting. I don't want to play anymore. That's not very nice. Nice. No, no play anymore. That's not very nice. Nice. No, no, no.

That's my own personal. I have to be nice and say how I'm feeling. Okay. This one's nice. It's not nice. Yes! Oh, here we go. Okay, this one is.

It's gorgeous. This is nice. That's just. It's gorgeous That's gorgeous is that what you said? Correct You think this is No I don't but I'm trying to do reverse psychology on myself

This is nice That's correct that is going to be nice And here we go That is not nice. That's a diamond. That's a diamond. In the rough. I think some people

would say Jeff's segments go on for too long but I wouldn't. I would say I would say don't say that about my friend Jeff. They go on just as long

as they're supposed to. That's what I would say to anybody out there who's thinking that. When I think of the games Jeff puts together, I think he worked hard. This is the closest we've come to being not nice.

No, how do you feel? How do you mean? I feel... I said you put in the work. I actually feel fine. I think we did it. I think that we were, you know, how much time do we even have? We have 10 minutes.

Left? Yeah. Jeopardy. Jeopardy. The first episode you guys were on was one of my favorite of all time. I'm not saying I don't like this one. I just am saying that I can't comment on it because I haven't heard it. What is your guys' favorite podcast episode you've ever done?

That's a really good question. Can you think? And no one's going to get mad. I know there's a bunch that you could pick, but what is the one that you think of? I'll say everyone gets two. If you're thinking of many, you can say two. You start. Okay, I will go first.

My favorite Keeping Records, I have to have one of those in there. My favorite Keeping Records is probably, for pure chaos sake, the Beth Stelling episode. Yeah, Beth Stelling. Because Beth gets a fucking delivery in the middle and it's chaos. And she doesn't do what a normal person would do. She ignores the delivery until after. She takes us with her. Brings the computer.

So if you've never heard Keeping Records, listen to the Beth Stelling episode. Beth Stelling, great episode. Or a non-Keeping Records podcast I did that I had a blast with was when I guested on All Fantasy Everything. That was a very good episode. That was a super fun podcast episode. Yeah. You guys did diners? We did Build Your Own Buffet Plate.

Buffets, yeah. Buffet Plate was a great one to do. That was so fun. Anyway. What about you guys? Well, I'll always be trying to hold in a sneeze, so you might want to go. And that's okay. Jeff, why don't you go ahead and go?

I think my favorite episode of the HeadGum Podcast we've ever done is we did this series called The Audit where we fabricated this entire backstory that I got in a big argument on a company meeting, like Zoom call with Amir, and that he wasn't speaking to me. like zoom call with a mirror and that he wasn't speaking to me and so i thought that if i had if we audited the show on how i could become a better host in person that maybe he would come back to the show yeah and the first episode was with my good friend zach dunn one of the funniest people i've ever met uh great tv writer and he shout out zach dunn no got it uh i'm just shouting him out he uh he he like did this bit where he was like he was being the auditor and he kept like being this tertiary character and then he would just be

like stop and then he would like audit it but then he kept adding these other like even what's the fourth version of tertiary doesn't matter quadratic maybe where there was an auditor and then an auditor's apprentice and then he kept like we kept Doesn't matter. Quadratic. Quadratic. Quadratic. Maybe. Quadratic. Yeah.

Where there was an auditor and then an auditor's apprentice. And then he kept like, we kept rotating and it was just, it was chaos. And it was, but it was organized chaos in the most fun way. Love that. And then I'm trying to think of one that I've guessed it on. Oh, Actors on Actors on Actors, Kylie Brickman's show. Riley and I went on that and we were playing brothers directors, brother directors,

and they were just super fun to improvise with. Brother directors. Brothers directors. Brothers directors. The brothers directors. You direct older brothers. They're actually producers, but it's John and Brian director.

Oh. Shelby? That's telling what would have maybe been on my list but because you took it i'm gonna go sam irby yeah great episode great episode sam irby makes me laugh so hard in that episode that one of the funniest people alive like almost had to like turn off the mic for a second to gather um so if you haven't listened sam irby upF and then I'm trying to think of like a recent one that I've done

that I've loved and I'm like recently we've been doing so many together we have and I had a lot of fun on Newcomers yes

oh we that was a fun one that was really fun you were very funny on that hasn't come out yet hasn't come out yet what season is it again Marvel

Marvel what movie did you guys watch Ant-Man fun. You were very funny on that. Hasn't come out yet. Hasn't come out yet. What season is it again? Marvel? Marvel. What movie did you guys watch? Ant-Man. Ant-Man. I am excited for that episode. The first Marvel movie I think I've seen. Yeah, it's the first one I've ever seen. Can we all do a third? Yeah, of course. Lapkus came on Review Review

the day Trump lost the election. Oh, my God. And we all got champagne. And it was a great episode. It was super funny. That was a fun day. Yeah. Caleb and I were driving back from Big Bear that day. Yeah, we drove back early because everyone was partying in the streets. And then we went to the gas station.

Oh, you know we did. Well, not Sunset. No, we went to Hillhurst. Hillhurst. Gas station. Hillhurst with, yeah, everybody was, there was a bunch of people over there. You guys know Cecily, bro. Yes.

I drove past her just shaking her ass on a U-Haul, on top of a U-Haul truck. Yes, guys know Cecily, bro. Yes. I drove past her just shaking her ass on a U-Haul, on top of a U-Haul truck. Yes, Cecily. It was also because I kept seeing people I knew, which I've never had that experience. You kind of see people when you're driving sometimes. This day, everyone in LA was on the street. Everyone you knew. And everyone you knew in LA was right where you were at.

Yeah. I saw, I mean, that day I must have seen. We came back from Big Bear. We drove immediately to the gas station on Hillhurst that, it was Hillhurst and Los Feliz that everyone was, you were at the dude, everyone was there, it was nuts people were honking, people were like

hanging out the windows holding fucking like pride flags and shit, I mean people's cars got wrecked because they were dancing on top of them too hard yeah, it really and you know what the funniest thing about all this is? It wasn't that Joe Biden won. No, no big shit. It was that Trump lost.

That's the thing. It was like, you celebrate him losing, you don't celebrate inauguration. No, we didn't celebrate, we weren't celebrating Joe Biden. Yeah. We were celebrating. We were dancing on a grave. Yeah. Thank you.

Yeah. I've never been so excited to be in standstill traffic, too. I didn't want to move. I mean, we were listening to some ultimately Republican music. Oh, my God. We were listening to, like, To be an American, where at least I know I'm free. We were listening to Independence Day by Martina McBride.

We were listening to, I think at one point, we were just listening to Independence Day by Martina McBride. We're listening to I think at one point we were just listening to the Star Spangled Banner. We were like fuck we love this country. Fuck he's out. I love this country.

For 15 seconds we were like this country bangs. I literally woke up the next day with like I've never had so much shame. Yeah. I was like

did I celebrate America yesterday? I think there was if it had gone on for one more day, I would have like come out in like an American flag outfit. I think you like wake up

from stomach sleeping and you just see like the imprint of like blue with stars and stripes. Like I think you could have seen me, you know the, you know the shot,

the, what was it? The Q shaman from, who had his face painted? Yeah. Two days away from that. Yeah.

That was a... That was another term away from that being how I celebrated. Yeah. I don't want this to come off any certain way, and I might edit it out if it comes up the wrong way. But it is a nice episode. We love that about you. January 6, 2021 was one of the most fun days of my life. Twitter was going crazy.

I've never laughed harder at my timeline. I think I woke up in the middle of it. I think it was going on. I either hadn't been online or I'd been asleep or something. And I got on and the first time was just like a video of the Capitol burning. And I was like, oh, I was like, no way. And then I found out that we did it. And I was like, oh, shit.

I thought at least some other country would have done it. I thought you meant we. And I was like, what do you mean by we? Me and Jeff were at the Capitol. Me and Jeff were at the Capitol on January 6th. I was blackout drunk. Because we lived together at the time. And I was like, where is Caleb?

I took me to Glossy Stapler, yeah. Yeah. My trial is next week. I'm really fucking scared. He has it in a shadow box in his office now, just a stapler. Well, they took it as evidence, but yeah. And that's your definition of shadow boxing.

It is. It is, yeah. I saw the crossroads and I saw you take the road. Yeah, I took the road less traveled. Shout out Dana White. shout out Dana White let's end it off with goals let's send it off on like a hopeful let's say aspirational note what's a goal of yours

that you think is attainable in let's say the next 8 weeks 8 weeks 8 weeks Shelby a goal of yours that you think is attainable in, let's say, the next eight weeks? Eight weeks. Eight weeks, Shelby. Caleb. You say eight-week goal. Eight-week goal? It has to be earnest.

How many people in industry listen to this podcast? I can guarantee... Oh, you know who listens to this? I can't. I'm gonna bleep this out, but... listens to it, so that's about as i want to be repped in eight weeks that'd be huge that'd be huge i'll rep you you already do i know i could do more though all right do it more i could do more what's your eight-week-old you have to be earnest. Well, I mean, if I'm like super earnest,

I'm like an hour away from selling this TV show I've been working on for two years. So that's almost done. I was earnest about the rep thing, so that has to be it. I know, that's why I gave you a...

We're talking about it at Salazar last summer. The queer one in Kin City? No. No, he's thinking of cartoon. I was thinking of cartoon. I sold that last year. Amazing.

But my one that's not work one would be I want to sign up for guitar lessons. I can teach you guitar. Jeff, would you actually though? I feel like we'd goof around too much. That might happen. Okay, cute. I feel like we'd just be goofing off. Wait, that was really cute.

I'm kind of good at guitar. No, I know. I bought a guitar from you. Oh yeah, I forgot about that. I know you're good at it. That, I know. I bought a guitar from you. Oh, yeah. I forgot about that. I know you're good at it. Actually, that is my fourth favorite podcast episode. It's just me restringing a guitar in your guys' living room. Keeping records when Jeff restrung the guitar. That was our first guest list.

You remember, yeah. And it was kind of guested. Yeah. We had a guest. He just wasn't on the pod. Jeff, eight-week goal? I've been working on a scripted podcast for a couple months, and I have two more episodes to do,

and I just want to finish it. I don't even care if anything doesn't happen with it. I just need to finish it. Finish it. Let's go. My eight-week goal is to get cast in that scripted podcast. Yeah, my eight-week goal is to get you.

Actually, you were on my outline. Yes! You guys heard it here first, folks. You're also going to hopefully be in the show, but you're not on the outline. Tell me what that means. It means that the five primary characters, you don't make sense for any of them.

But I want you to be in the show. That's awesome. That's awesome. That's awesome. I would love to come and be like a background character for your scripted podcast not background

important guest role starring guest I love that that's awesome think of like when like Brad Pitt was on Friends hey you know what

he was more important than the friends in that episode that's really true and guess what you guys I really need to get a lot of writing done in the next couple weeks.

And Jeff, it sounds like you do too. And Shelby, it sounds like you do too. Maybe we have some writing dates. I would love to do that. Wouldn't that be nice? That would be a lot of fun. Because my thing is I just get like, I hate writing.

You know what's fun? To get with a group of people who are all working on separate things and say, well, this is my idea. I guess maybe for other people this would be annoying. But you set a timer, and you're like, okay, we're going to work for 40 minutes straight. And then when the timer goes off, we can gossip for 10 minutes.

I love that. That's the Pomodoro method. Well, that's like for self-pacing. I thought that was for like a sauce. Both. Okay. I cannot be nice anymore. Sounds good. All right. Both. It's not true. okay I cannot be nice anymore sounds good

alright both it's not true what do you guys have going on what do you want to point the people to the floor is yours let's start with Shelby listen to Keeping Records

please a podcast starring Caleb and myself we have a lot of fun on there and follow me on everything if I have a show it'll be on there at my god given handle Shelby Walsh Jeff

at Jeff Boyardee on Twitter I'm only going to plug that because I'm almost at 10,000 and I really want to get to 10,000 before next week's episode retweet would really mean a lot don't you have 10,000 and I really want to get to 10,000 before next week's episode. Retweet would really mean a lot. Don't you have 10,000 on Instagram already? Yeah, I don't know why people care more about my fucking photos of my ass.

Attractive. Thanks. Yeah, you have the hot person curse and privilege of being better on Instagram. Big on Instagram. I almost Instagrammed my actual ass. You should have. I know.

What can it hurt? It can only help the brand. Well, I guess I haven't seen it. I mean, I guess I'd have to see your ass. Do you want to see a photo of my ass? I'll do my plugs first. I'll do my business. You guys, come to my live shows

wherever they are. Portland, Vancouver, potentially Seattle coming up. LA for sure, always. Please listen to Keeping Records like Shelby said. And I'm at Caleb says things on everything. Get over there.

I love you so much. You are powerful beyond words. And you're more capable than you ever thought possible. Yeah. I want to plug something. Plug it. Friendship. Yeah, I want to plug.

How about the concept of friendship? How about I plug the concept of friendship? How's that? I was so confused about what I was looking at. See, that's the thing. And I've showed this photo to people on this show before. And they always. Do you want to see my ass?

I guess. People never know what they're looking at. Because I'm bending in a weird way. You're doing. I was like, I don't know where the ass is. I don't know what part of the body I'm starting from. Right. There's no way to ground it in reality.

How many gay men have you showed this to? One. It's you. Yeah. I think you could benefit from showing it to some more because they can help you. Get angles. Yeah. If you're trying to take a really good ass pic who was that for that was honestly

just for me beautiful I love that beautiful hey let me plug the concept of doing things just for you actually I'd like to plug

taking nudes for yourself yeah and I'd like to plug figuring out the angles a little bit yeah alright thanks so much for listening to this episode

of the HeadGum Podcast we'll see you guys next week hey be kind to one another hey we'll see you guys on next week. Hey, be kind to one another. Hey, we'll see you next week. The three of us.

For our hundredth episode. Our hundredth episode! Triple diggies! That was a Hidgum Original.