The Headgum Podcast - THAT'S FUNNY: Rag To The Bone

Episode Date: May 1, 2026

Please enjoy this free episode of That's Funny - formerly known The Headgum Podcast! If you like what you hear, join us over at https://patreon.com/ja for weekly episodes of That's Funny and Jake and Amir watch Jake and Amir, brand new sketches every other week, and arguably TOO MUCH more for just $5 a month!---Kahan’t hardly wait! Allie Kahan makes her That’s Funny debut with a good old fashioned Lunch and Learn, helping J&A Studios with their conflict management, personal branding, a marketing stunt, and a scavenger hunt. Plus Russian literature memes, and an original song by Amir!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hey guys, it's Jeff here from HeadGum of your NJ&A Studios of Now. If you like what you're hearing or watching in this episode of the new version of the HeadGum podcast, which is called That's Funny, actually that's funny. That's funny. There are 17 more episodes of this show over on Patreon.com slash JA. That's where we're making all of our Jake and Amir and Jeff and Riley content. We've got weekly episodes of That's Funny. We've got weekly Jake and Amir watch Jake and Amir episodes.

And we've got bimonthly. That's right, every other week sketches featuring Jake, Amir, me, Riley, and occasional special guests. All of this for just $4.99 a month. What a deal. We'll see you on over there, hopefully. And if not, enjoy this episode and die. Also, you just use the Zoom, right? Okay, never mind.

Um, Allie, we are auditioning new theme songs because we couldn't use the one from the old show. What do you think about getting really intense about the shit at the top of the episode? One second. I was asking Allie. I was just sort of reacting in a positive way. I know, but it's in a positive way. It's in a distracting way. It's one and the same. You know what I mean? Now she can't think. And now we're nowhere near getting her answer. feeling more than I did by saying, no, because when you talk in that calm voice,

it makes me feel like I'm overreacting. The end got, the end didn't work. The fart with reverb? Yeah. Yeah. Okay, let's try it again then, I guess, with a different... Your cat's anus is like,

directly. Up come up a side. The landing. What do you think about that? It's sort of like an up-cab-p-a-solid. Was that just like gibberish? It's another language, but I don't know what. Okay.

So, yes, it's gibberish. I don't mean to be insensitive. But we didn't catch you in that way. Have I seen this? I don't think so. It's savage. It's absolutely dope. Thanks, Jake.

I got it when I started doing collage. live streams. How is gluing shit on paper doing? Gluing shit on paper is good. Jake, this is my side hustle. I moonlight as a collage artist on Twitch. Well, you were talking about your children's book.

I feel like collage could be a really nice animation style. You could write it and animate it yourself. That's funny. There's some sort of synergy that I haven't figured out yet. I think so. Okay. Cool. Well, the other thing that your microphone

reminds me of is like Vegas, you know, with the colorful lights, and et cetera. So I'm wondering if like synergy, S-I-N-E-R-G-Y could be like the theme of like, oh, that's funny. Just one second. Wait, what you were saying, oh, or for, Amir for coughing? Amir can't help that he had to cough. You said, oh, and that was in your control. I feel like you just, you're not even looking for like positive feedback. Like, I'm not looking for any feedback. Okay. Active listening. It doesn't help or harm the show. Here's the plan. If you're talking to Ali, me and Amir will shut up entirely.

I wouldn't quite say that because then we're not having the overlapping dialogue of it all. And it feels like that's sort of Socratic seminar instead of like what it really is, which is a casual hang. I mean, I'm using this as a vehicle to talk to Jake and Amir. That's funny. That's right. Yeah. Do you guys think I'm the kind of guy that people want to get a beer with? Do you drink?

not anymore really the last time I tried to get a beer with you you were like almost two hours late but that was my birthday yeah Jake you would have loved this so I like ghosted my birthday party basically why would Jacob love that yeah I'm curious

I don't know I think it's kind of an interesting deal like you know it centers me because I'm already centered not only am I grounded centered, you know? You're self-centered. It sounds like self-centered. Well, on your birthday, everybody's self-centered.

Like, don't have a birthday party unless you kind of think you're better than everyone else. That's why Amir never has one, because he's humble. I have a birthday. I've never gotten a cake and a Rice Krispy treat on my birthday this year. You were working on your birthday. You worked through the weekend, yeah. Yeah, I went to Benihana with all three of you. We celebrated and sang, and I wore a hat.

One of the most expensive meals I was. I've ever been at, yeah. Sally's second trip to Benihana in 24 hours, right? Yeah, I don't know what it's like to go to San Francisco and not go to Benihana. What's the lunch vibe out of Benihana? When it's like bright out, like, do they still go through the dog and pony show? Mostly fish. You wouldn't know it was bright.

Can I be honest? I thought, I think the daytime guys are a little bit more seasoned. Wow. And the rice was too. The men during the day are at season. as the rice. He was practicing on the job. Yeah, our guy was brand new.

I think at one point we asked him how long he had been there and he said five months and then dropped an egg. He threw a steak into his hat, which he was not supposed to do. I had to eat that. I had to eat his hat. All I remember doing, so yeah, for those who, I don't know if we told the story or not,

but when we were in SFF for the last episode of the Edgum podcast at SF Sketch Fest, it was Amir's birthday, and we went to Benny Hana for his birthday because Amir kind of... I tried to think about... We all were brainstorming what Amir would like, and I was like, I don't know what Amir's favorite food is.

I've never asked him, but the only thing I ever see him get that excited about is like barbecue and rice. Yeah, that's a good spot. Great lunch spot. I like a bowl. I like a sweet meat. I like a sweet treat.

So the sweeter the rice, closer to the bone, sweeter is the meat. He like, yeah, a sugary steak. A terriaki based paste, ideally soy for your boy. So it's sort of like this glaze man. Yeah. For a glazed ham.

So I'll go to glazed. Sweet meat, yeah, right. Yeah, right. Well, you kind of did do like a Benihana, which is a lot of rice. And then you had a rice crispy tree, which is rice for dessert. They gave you extra rice. They washed it all down with a horchata. It's tradition.

Which is rice. Hoisen. Extra rice for the birthday boy. It's not foison for your boys in San Francisco. Rice for the birthday boy. I think he got greedy with the garlic butter because we were reacting positively to it, which was fun in the prep, but ultimately sacrificed some of the flavor. And it was sacrilege to the rice.

It was a slice of garlic butter. And we were like, whoa. But then he just kept shaving it. P.m. It was 11 p. It was late. It was late. It was post closure.

There were a lot of chairs as we were eating me. Yeah. Upside down. Ready to be vacuumed below. So, yeah. That was my birthday that you said you'd never been with me for. And the window also looked into the interior of a mall. That's what I was going to say. Corridor.

So there was no windows on one side so you couldn't see the street. But then the windows that you could look into, you saw kind of like an empty mall. And there were people walking through the mall, looking in at our table and like laughing at us. Yes, we were sort of on display. We were part of this human zoo experiment of sorts. Yeah.

It was a fish bowl and I think intern Ryan got a fish bowl. Did he? I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. It rhymes almost. He's only 20s, so I don't think he. He did.

Yeah, don't look at what he eats. He's so young. He really reminds me of myself when I was a headgum intern, though. Right. You were younger than that. Yeah. But, like, we're both half white. He's full white, but half of him is also white.

Two halves. Make it white. Yeah. Yeah. Move on. I am. Allie, this is your first episode of That's Funny. It's kind of your That's Funny show debut.

This is episode five. we should say. It's been going debuttoning, Allie. Yeah. This is your London season. Yeah. Being presented to the queen

as an eligible Bachelorette. Not a question. Speaking of eligible bachelorette, Ali, let's talk about dating in L.A. Gosh. I mean, where are the spots?

Like, where are you on the prowl in a predatory fashion? Right. Almost not. I don't know, taking advantage of the situation. Alie, you do have kind of a reputation as a hound dog. Do you not? Yeah, that's why she brought Ryan into the pole. She likes little 20-year-old boys.

She has a harem of them. You always take it too far. You take it too far. You called her a predator. No, I called her a hound dog. Jeff called her a predator. I softened the blow. And then you said she has a harem.

What I said just didn't make any sense. What you said was very clear. We yes and did you to hell. Just your neighborhood, Los Angeles, lesbian with a harem. And where do you dine? Where can people find you and on what day of the week, let's say? The truth is nowhere. I'm so under the radar right now.

You'll never find me. And I, you know, is it be, yeah. Like, it's just been my house. Is it fair to say, she has a collaging microphone. You think she's going out on dates? No, I'm not like going to Mother Wolf on first dates and like getting and like waiting to be approached. That's awesome. Are you going to the Gucci Astoria?

I don't know what that is. No, I'm like reading the brothers parameda. in the park alone and I'm unbought and no one talks to me. What do you think about the brother the brother's caramuzov? I think it's like Russian succession. Yeah.

I'm actually in the middle of Anna Karenina. Have you read Anna Karenina? No, but I'm going to read it this year. That's on my list. We got to. We got to discuss. No, no, no.

We don't got to discuss. The opposite. Yeah. Because I'm just seeing people tuning out to Russian literature. I was going to Say Otto or Arder.

Have you read Otta or Arder by Nabokov? No, but I listened to Lolita. Jeremy Irons reads the audiobook. Whoa. What's the read on Lolita? I feel like it's like a vibe killer book. Like, should we, one, read it or is it like smut? It's not, I wouldn't call it smut.

But it's illegal what happens in it. Yeah, it's fucked up. But the guy in the book is fucked up. Like, it's not like they mean. make a hero of him. I thought that that was the controversy is that he kind of makes it seem lighthearted and fine.

I think a lot of it's told from his point of view and he's a depraved individual. Yeah, he's a predator. Right. Have you guys seen that photo of Bradley Cooper? Yes. Yeah, Bradley Cooper with Suki Waterhouse in his lap reading Lolita to her

in a park. What the hell? Yeah. What the hally? What the Hallie? What the Hallie Berry? It's just one of those things that you can't let down. It gives you the creeps, yeah.

How old is she? Yeah. Like 20. 40 in that photo, I think. Hmm. I tried to read out of Arder because I was reading that Donald Fagan took, like, ideas from it and put it into Steely Dan lyrics.

Very dense book. thin text somewhat hard to follow but one of these days so what oh just one of these days I'll stop talking about it

yeah should be now you'll stop talking about how thin the pages are yeah well the page is worth red bear because it was an original um Amir

I don't want to single you out quite yet but let me dive into your psyche here because I feel like ever since we launched that's funny and I want you to go with me for a second here you've been charming and on your A game like what's different about you in the head gum podcast era versus now I guess I'm not phoning it is as much but still not fully assing it but definitely over a half ass so maybe and what would you ask it for would that be for like if you guys relaunched and if I

were you, you'd give it your all, but because this is hosted by me, you've put my full butt into. You'd like me a lot. Yeah. Yeah. As I guess, you don't have to bring your full A plus plus game. So what I'm giving you is an A minus. But yeah, I would think for like the bonus Monday episodes that Jake and I are hosting ourselves,

that's like full, full backal, as it were. Yeah, that one was tough. I feel like I couldn't get a word in edgewise on Monday. Well, your phone video, died halfway through. Which made me start to freak out, yeah. Recording, yeah, was cutting your hat off, which is weird because that's just the zoom that you can stare at. So you could have, could have adjusted that fairly easily.

But the framing was still off. The tough part of it was that the frame, for the framing from my phone to be good, I had to kind of tilt down. We couldn't, yeah. Then I, yeah. We couldn't use your phone because you didn't even send it to me. A lot of it is hard. A lot of Monday segments for you guys is difficult to watch and participate. paid in because I don't know where I fit in that.

You just talk and then frame yourself up well. Like right now that's really good. You can see out like your hat. But you're sort of cutting yourself off at your eyebrows. Well, you guys were cutting me off. Not we let you speak in full sentences. That's true. That's true.

I left Monday feeling tense. That was yesterday. So you must still feel that tension. I slept it on. Because I woke up angrier than I'd ever been. Yeah. Yeah, why? I wonder why.

Are you trying that fast, the water fast thing? Maybe you're just really hungry. Yeah, so, Ali, Amir did a four-day water fast last week, where he didn't eat anything except a pee every day. No, I didn't have a pee. Just water? Well, water in electrolytes, yeah. Amir's saying that it kills the pre-cancerous cells in your body.

Right. I tend to think that all it's really doing is like giving him metabolic dysfunction. I think I read about that diet on Tumblr in middle school. Right. Yeah. Tough to read any diet back then. On Tumblr in middle school. There were a lot of gifts of people running off the top of a building that people that I followed would re-blog.

Are people still on Tumblr? Is it still a thing? I wish. It's closed for business. I think it still exists, but I don't know if people are on it. I just discovered Pinterest. I'm finally on Pinterest for the first time. That's my main social media now.

Really? Yes. You got to see my fall winter style board. Okay, well, I want to do it. Is Pinterest a social media thing? Or is it like you just pin things that you enjoy to look at? It's definitely media. I think you can see friends with people and see their, you can

collaborate on boards. Going back to Russian classics, I have a whole board that's just a Dostoevsky memes that make me laugh. Wow. And it really's been bringing me happiness because I was reading this big

ass book by myself and so I typed it into Pinterest and then I found community. That's wild. So you should do that, Jake. Okay. Well, do it for Tolstoy, but yeah, do it for Tolstoy. It's interesting to me because I'm on this 4-Chair message board

That's been like archives If you feel pain you're alive If you feel other people's Codd-Bot-talked to each other And they had to shut it down because a lot of it was illegal to say Even in a freedom of speech Online Economy this stuff is really Really fucked up

And I've been able to download the archives of it And sort of run it through a notepad Not what the show should be To be trusted is a greater compliment than being loved. This is you on Tumblr? Oh, these are Tolstoy quotes. That's Leo Tolstoy on Pinterest. That's really good.

That's funny. That's funny. Yeah. Yeah, that is funny. That's good. I don't know a lot about Russian history. Move on. Stop talking about boring shit.

And let's get to the show. That was me moving up. That was me pivoted. That's a great question, Allie. What is this show? And the fact that the guest is asking, 18 minutes deep, means that, too. Why is this show?

As in, why the fuck did we leave everything at Headgum to go into business with you when you don't even have no fucking record on an iPhone or a Zoom? You can you have? I didn't know. I didn't know shit. It was going to be an episode. We were on a cruise ship. We looked at this two-ply man and said, that's our life. boat. Four seconds into this fucking experiment were sinking because it doesn't support anything.

He was wearing a captain's hat and he had an eyepiece, a little telescope. But he said, hop on board, guys, I've got you. I can see land from here. It was a full serrat. Seasoned capitan. Yeah, we couldn't see anything. The hat was a Benihana paper fucking crown. And the boat. Yes, it was a nothing burger. It was a rice paper. And you raised your raggedy sailed. and you sailed us right into the mouth of a Leviathan. We were being gobbled up. I really think that we're inside of a whale right now or some sort of mythical sea bees

to the point where we can't. You're going to be dicking us over. Literally call us Jonah. Yes. You do. You said Jonah. Forget call me Ishmael. Call me fucking Jonah. Seriously. I'm not even fucking, I'm not doing a bit. You literally call us Jonah and you let us into a whale.

Like not even metaphorically. I really think I'm insane. side of a fucking beast. He's not trying to be funny. Like, this isn't a joke anymore. I'm like, I actually think I'm having a psychotic breakdown. Think how I feel. I'm on the thing.

I'm on the boat weaving at you guys. Yeah, but you're fucking where I want to be. Throw me a fucking cheerio and let me swim back to you. Honey I Shrunk the kid style. Pull me up. Rapunzel, buy your hair. Let me back in. I'll be your fucking intro.

What Ali just said was nothing. It's like, it'd be like if your dad died on the Titanic, it's like, think about how I feel. I had to watch you go through that. That's not as bad. I'm jealous of you. I want to be that. Fuck, man.

I just, yeah, I'll move on. Yeah, we're back, baby. Sorry, because I played one sound effect and you think we're back? You just said that you just accused me of convincing you to leave headgum for this new venture and tanking it within three weeks. All right. But now like the bat to the bone.

I feel sort of this renewed sense of energy and optimism. Yeah. I feel like you can write this ship is how I feel. Because that was the right move for the right occasion, for the right time by the right guy. And I think this is the segment that turns it all right. Let's stick the landing on this one. This is the most awarded container moving company. This wasn't planned, but because Amir seemed so interested in the song, Amir, why don't you kind of make up a little ditty for us?

Oh, like an improvised musical number. In a way, yeah. Rag and bone. I can't hear. Rag and bone. Rag and bone. When I went to a mall. I saw rag and bone.

I wanted a black jeans. I went to rag and bone. The gay guy came up to me and said, what do you want? I said, black jeans. I'm at ragged bone. Ragged bone. Yeah, bone. I want jeans.

Ror, ro ro ro rog. And a bone. It worked. Really? Rag. Rag. Rag. Do you want a receipt?

I said, leave me alone. You'll hem for free. This legs are 32 and this one's a 30. That's rag and bone. The waist is too big. And the length is too small. I wish I was tall Can you take in the crotch?

Can you take in the crotch? Rackbone You can't smoke in here. It's okay, it's a jewel. I know we have fun. Quit that. What? I'm not rolling.

What? We can reach. create it. Fucking play the song again. I'll do it from me. I'll do it live. What was it? I was at where?

Rag and bone. Rag and bone. How did you already forget? I was at like an abracrombie or some shit. We could take it from one. Rag and bone. I changed the way I hear it forever now. Yeah.

The song or the store. Or right, bone. Bone stays the same. I'm really excited about the new show. You guys. B, blah, B, ba, ba, ba, ba, jeez, jeez.

Oh, my God. Do you have white shirts? I can use one at home. I only have black teas at rag and bone. Um. Yeah. What's the way? or some shit.

What's that? Word of the week or some shit. No, none of that. Yeah, what's going on now? What do you do? We're kind of finding our footing. The show definitely started as sort of a carbon copy

of the Headgum podcast, but because it's now called That's Funny, we have all this license and leeway and runway to make it whatever we want. So I'm kind of reviving a much... In a way that the headgum podcast was so pigeonholed. Jeff could never do exactly what he wants.

wanted on that show. It's true. Bagon bone wouldn't have worked. No. And the head gun pot. People would be like, what is this? They didn't,

they wouldn't get it really. I came here for, I came here for Sam Mossa. Like, why? Right. Let's hear about what book Jeff's writing. Like,

nobody was interested in musical improv at the time. But now that we're here, we can sort of let our freak flag flow, as it were. At the time. Yeah. Um, guys,

it's time for a lunch and learn. this is a good old-fashioned lunch and learn talking about sort of this new work space, place, and flow. Allie, I know you don't work at J&A Studios, but I thought that you could kind of bring your expertise over from the mothership. Number one on the sort of, I guess, agenda is conflict management.

Now, Jake Amir and I are sort of in business together, and there's bound to be sort of tiffs that arise. How do you think that we can address that without me going all Homer Simpson on Amir's neck? What does that mean? Strangling him. Yeah. Why you little style?

Yeah. Oh, I see. Yes, I do remember that he did that. I mean, it's hard because you're in a group of three. so and Jake and Amir are pretty tight. That's funny. It's always going to be two against one. Yeah, so I guess Jeff,

what you need to do is figure out how you're going to infiltrate this best friendship. Yeah, that's funny. I wonder if I sort of sow seeds of doubt any, like, you know, I'll whisper in Jake's ear and be the devil on his shoulder.

I'll whisper in Amir's ear. And I'll just sort of start a bunch of shit. Because starting conflict can end conflict. Like if Amir's mad at me, but then I tell him something Jake said that's way worse. Yeah. Deflecting. That's a pro move. If you wouldn't be mad at me anymore.

If you cause conflict to solve conflict, then does the end justify the means? Right. Right. Well, does the end justify the means in general? What do you guys think? I can't. Yeah. I don't know why there's jazz music playing in the background.

It's hard to get quite hear what you're saying. Yeah. No, I'm trying to make it like a fun, like put some music. on and let's really figure the shit out. I don't know. Yeah. I mean, you guys all, I think, are pretty good communicators. Like, have you, has something arisen already? Yeah.

There's some pretty big internal issues in terms of taxes and expenses. Like, Jake uses a lot of our funds to pay off personal expenses, and it feels kind of like a little weird. Because, like, Jeff's not allowed to touch any of that. But, like, Jake's paying the majority of is. I'm able to send my expenses in, right? because I went to... You can send your expenses anywhere you want.

Send them in. Sure. Send them in. I was going to say because I went to Caviar Caspia at the Mark Hotel. And I spent a rack trying to kind of woo Constance to join the show. Who's that? Constance Wu. Yeah.

So I'm just saying like I don't, if I'm not going to get reimbursed for that, I might have to sort of... Right. You said $1,000 on fish eggs, and you want to not pay taxes on that? Well, there was like a chicken pie-ard dish that I had a lot of and took some to go. I basically grocery shopped there. I meal prep to caviar caspia. Right. And I'm wondering if I can sort of...

See, that's kind of sometimes how he talks down to me. Don't do that. It's like cutting and it's direct in a way that doesn't feel exactly right. It's a conversation ender. If you're bringing me in to talk about conflict management, I would say using I feel sentences helps. Yeah. I feel. I feel like I have my car payment, Jill's car payment.

And then I also bought a car for my mistress and my brother and his girlfriend. So I feel like I have a lot of car payments that I need to. And I feel like I have a vacation. I should have been personal money. I feel like I feel like that doesn't have to come out of the business bank account. I feel like I'm going to say. Barts and St. Trilpath. And I feel like

I need to have some company money to fund that. And I feel like that should go to Jake for sure, because I want him to like have a work life balance. But I don't want to come from me. Because I don't feel like that's fair because I'm still like young and trying to like establish myself. I feel like Amir's had like

fucking 23, 25 years to assume himself. And if he hasn't yet, that's on him. So let's go 50-50. Let's split it. Let's split it 50-50. I feel why is not even happening? half, well, half for Jeff and then half for me and Amir because you and I are an existing entity.

So it's 50, 50. It's like me and Amir are one. So Jeff gets 50. Me and a mirror get 50. The expenses, my expenses get deducted from our 50. My brain's exploding from the numbers. So let me ask you this.

If Jake's mistress is picking me up in Jake's car from the airport, who am I reimbursing? Nobody. You shouldn't be getting picked up by, I feel by Jake's mistress because why is she even getting you from the airport? It depends whether it's like an Uber black

or whether it's like a called service ahead of time. Text Connie when your flight gets in. Connie. Connie. That's my mistress's assistant. Who's paying for her? I feel who's paying for her. It all comes out of the lump sum that we,

it all comes out of our nut. Don't you see Allie's tearing us apart now more than ever? We usually don't argue about this. All right, right, right, right, right. All right, right, right. Let's just, let's put a pin in that for sure. We'll bring Allie back to talk about more. conflicts later, but let's move on to time management.

All right? Do we feel like we're using the hours and the day wisely? I got to say that I feel like I'm maxed out on that shit. I'm like, I'm responding to patrons. I'm putting the PayPal refund information in the Google sheet that Katie made. I'm working overtime. I feel like Jake's... Already, Google sheet that Katie made.

Yeah. That you made. Yeah. Yeah. Is Katie doing your work? I'm working overtime. I'm filling out a sheet that Katie made. Also, you're never available before 3 p.m.

Aren't you supposed to wake up at 7.30 a.m.? So what are you doing with the first seven and a half hours of the day? Working out a lot, yeah. What's that? Half an hour today. Working out, yeah. For seven and a half hours? Well, I had to push 30 minutes because I went to go get, yeah, I went to Zabars for sure.

I had to get a decaf. What's your, what's your gym on the Upper West? The JCC. I'm working out next to Septagenarian Jews. And they're beating my PR by double. It seems like you just went to a bakery, not a gym this morning. You said you had bobka and you didn't work out at all. I had decap coffee.

I did. It didn't quite scratch the sweet tooth itch, so I had to get that bobka in me. I wish my gym sold vodka. Sorry, you think I got the bobka at the JCC? It didn't you? I went to fucking Zabars. There's not a concession stand? I haven't explored the whole fucking building.

I wish my gym sold vodka is a good t-shirt. I think you should merch idea. I don't even mind that. Yeah. Also, Amir said something quotable to that should be a bumper sticker, which is I spent, or it was not enough hoisen for to be poison for this poison. I don't know if I said that specifically, but yeah, that could be a sweatshirt or a jacket even. I'm wondering just because it's a triple rod.

I wonder if it's like an embroidered car heart. Something high-end. Focus on more tangible things is the overarching note. By the way, Ali, this is the kind of the time management thing where, like, he does get to, he has ADHD or something. He gets, like, we were talking about the gym, then Bobka, then he pitched a shirt high-end. Right, and now we're talking about bumper stickers. So you're setting your own schedule and not working efficiently. That's only yourself to blame.

Yeah, it's just hard to, like, get to sit down and do one. thing at a time. I feel like I'm like, even during this record, I feel like I'm answering emails. I feel like you are. Scheduling like a appointment for my cat. I feel like, yeah. I don't feel like that too. Jeff, maybe you need an assistant. I wouldn't mind. Yeah, because

where'd you get Connie? Jake. I found Connie on LinkedIn. Okay. So maybe I might start looking on LinkedIn right now and you guys kind of carry the torch slash show. Okay. Yeah. Allie's druthers. Let's three minutes

uninterrupty. We do have another talking point that I wanted to get to. On the lunch and learn, we each need to set a smart goal that's specific, measurable,

attainable, relevant, and time-based. I already forgot all of that. Specific, measurable, attainable, relevant,

and time-based. Oh, I see, smart. Yeah, it's an acronym. Yeah, got it, got it, got it. So, Amir, what's your smart goal going to be for this J&A Studios venture? I want to make sure that there's one piece of content posted every day.

In front of the paywall every day to keep the action momentum moving, whether that's a post or a pod or a video or a clip or a sneak peek or a live stream. There should always be something there to catch people's eye because this is an attention-based economy. Once you stop realizing something is there, you have those friends that don't post on Instagram anymore. I forget all about them. They sink to the bottom of the ocean. Took a social media break. Oh, congrats. You're nobody now.

You're a no-one man. You're a ghost. You're hollow. You didn't make a stand. You made a sit. and now you're gone. I'm only seeing from the chin up and you're down here.

Can you see where I'm pointing? You can't. Out of frame. Out of mind, out of touch. And I am talking to Jake specifically. Yeah. It felt like it felt targeted, right? Yeah.

I don't feel like I understand the smart goal. Seven days a week. Seven days a week, you want to post it in front of the paywall? Yeah. So you mean like a social media clip or you mean an entire?

piece of content because then at that point, everything's going in front of the table. I sort of already spoke my piece in a pretty succinct and interesting way, but the follow-up questions make it sound like I wasn't making sense. Yeah, you were barely making sense. You need a big marketing stunt. Yes, what I was saying is like a scandal or something. Not to have to be a scandal. Okay, fine, then what if we did like a fucking splashy? Yeah.

In like a mall. That's kind of cool. You injure yourself during a flash mob could be a viral. moment. Why do I have to injure myself? I could just do the flashmoth. Well, just because you have the frailest whims, because I feel like first of all, you're the oldest. Second of all, you don't quite take care of your body the way Jake does.

And then I'm 28, so I'm fine. You know what I mean? Yeah. Just naturally. I haven't eaten in a week. How many people do you think you need for the mob? I think we could get 80. Maybe 80s a lot. 80s a lot. We could get it. Jeff could do a solo.

12. 80s a lot. I could do the flash mob solo and then at the very end, Amir walks in and slips on black ice. Oh, I do like the idea of you trying to start a flash mob. So it's like, you stop, you're a statue, and then music's playing, and you just start dancing and you keep on whispering to people, Flash mob, Flash mob. Yeah, that's why many people you can get to dance. Yeah, usually the recruiting and stuff happens before.

Like, flashmoms are not just people, like, figuring out the choreography to a dance. It's like pretty rehearsed and well-intended, and they know exactly who will be there and where they're supposed to be. I just don't know how to dance that well. So you don't have to dance. Okay, so if we don't do the flash mob, then what else? What about like a fucking billboard? It's a lot of upfront cost.

Amalog, though. We're going analogue. Can I do my smart goal, which I think is all about low-hanging fruit? We've got feeds that are unused, i.e., the old Jake and Amir podcast feed, the old headbook. the old headgo feed. We should be dropping content there to redirect people. People that have forgotten that we existed, they need to be reminded that we're making content in a new place.

And you're sure you want to redirect or do you want to misdirect? Kind of make them feel like we're giving them like 20 pieces of content a week. And then only after they subscribe, do they realize it's only like five? Yeah. We could also, we could misdirect them, send them on a wild goose chase. Be like we're making new content over at patreon.com. Ryan and they'll go there and they won't see it. You guys could do in real life scavenger hunts.

I've seen that on TikTok doing well in New York where they're like, hey guys, if you listen to this, I put something that I own in this bookshelf in the library, go and get it. That's actually a really good idea. Yeah. What about a coupon? So a lot of people buying Jeff's hat that you leave in garbage fucking can in Times Square next to like something that looks like a bomb

so that the... What you just did was you took Allie's gold and you turned it into mold because you are old and you're not in touch with the youth or what they want out of a scavenger. And now you've been told. You're a harbinger to me of what's to come

if I don't get my act together. Versus Jake sort of represents this beacon of light and this fountain of youth as like, oh, I could be 40 and not be a... utter loser. Jake's a family and you have water

to eat. What's your goal? Let's just move on. Yeah. All right. Personal branding. Now, there's obviously the branding of JNA Studios, right?

What about... Which I love. Yeah. People are complaining about the Zoom skin. What? You have. changed the skin of the zoom on these episodes. They're bright orange all around if you watch it on our Patreon.

It's distracting. It's loud. And it's an overwhelming universal response that they want Jeff to use a different color for the skin of this zoom. And he won't fucking change it. He will not. He's scheduling a vet visit for his cat. Give him two seconds.

Okay, sorry. I was trying to bailing my designer to get the skin sent with a transparent background. That sounds cool, but yeah, it shouldn't be doing. Shouldn't be happening now. You should have like done that way earlier. Yeah, or after. Pre-launch. Yes, exactly.

But also on the other hand, think about brat. That chartreuse. Yeah, that's funny. Yeah, that's funny. Hold on. Jeff's just finishing up some other tasks and then he'll get back to hosting the show. What's going on with Misty? Is this just a general checkup? No, it's, she's fine.

Hey, can I run this email by you, Jake? Hey, Jasper, one thing, would you mind sending the Zoom skin with a transparent background, aka deleting the orange background? And could you make the background that's funny stickers orange? Thanks so much. I think if you wanted to get done and you want it to get done post-haste, let's lose the thanks so much. And we'll, instead of, hey, Jasper, I sent it.

I sent it. I already sent it. You need to get me and then, like, you need to do this. this and then you send that? And I shouldn't have to ask or something. And then as soon as you send it, you write a follow up with just two question marks. Yeah. All right. All right. Right. All right. Personal branding, though. Yeah. Like, we have the branding for the company. I'm just wondering about like how do we make us seem interesting and cool, especially so that people want to hang out with us on the VIP Zoom parties at the $20 tier, which if you're listening to this and you're not sure of

that or you're not aware. Or if you're listening to this on the headgum feed, go subscribe to Patreon.com slash JA where you can get all that kind of shit. I'm wondering how to make me look awesome, Jake look awesome, and a mere you know, I don't know, I don't want to aim too high, maybe just to look like a human being.

I'm a human being. I mean. Okay, one idea. Okay. Kim. Maybe this is your brand as like a blues singer about malls. You're too scattered. The bone.

Yeah, rag to the bone, exactly. We have nobody in our 30s here. There's a pretty big age gap. Allie's 31. I'm saying, but for the Zoom parties, I feel like there's a huge between me, Jake and Jeff. We're not really representing the...

You don't have your finger on the fucking pulse. People don't want one from every decade. That's nothing. Wait two years. I'll be 30. I can't have that kind of time. We can't check back in two years. We'll all be gone by then.

Are you kidding me in two years? Here's an idea. You're already gone. When you turn to the side, you disappear because you're eating water only. I have electrolytes. I actually started eating again. It's really good. You guys should try it.

Yeah. Amir, you should eat food. Yeah, I agree. And I'm starting to now. And I have a newfound appreciation for calories. Your water diet is an eating disorder. Interesting. And so if I did that every week, it's not considered like a good thing?

No. Oh. I think. Because the YouTube propaganda I've been watching says the exact opposite that most people are sort of slaves to the three meal lifestyle, which was kind of socially influenced and not really evolutionarily influenced. Like, do we think thousands of years ago people were eating before, during, and after work? Or they were just scavengering and sort of getting calories? when they could, the weeks fell off and the strong... What is this fantasy?

What's the fantasy of like, of cavemen being healthier than we are now? Yeah, because we're... That's a great question. That's what I said. I'm like, they used to die at like 20. They're all fucking hunched over, but they're so jacked and it's this natural strength. You almost think then. Because there's a lot of them...

Ali said she had an idea like 10 minutes ago. And I still, she still hasn't said it. I guess I'm just wondering like first, like how far are you guys willing? Just one second. Amir, Ali said that she had an idea like 10 minutes ago and she still hasn't had a chance to say it. So let her speak. It's not even going to be good now. And then Grace, can you cut out Jake's and then put mine in so I look like the ally?

The alley. The ally to ally. The ally who. I'm wondering how far are you willing to go? Who are you talking to? Like you think I should go for a seven day faster. I'm talking to all three of you and I'm talking about your commitment. to like personal branding and marketing.

Because here's, here's my idea. You all have to be in the same city. But I think that you guys should, you should go to one of, you should go to a skydiving place. Or if you're too scared, go to one of those indoor skydiving places and have your thing.

But let's say you do real skydiving. Jump out of the plane. Jump out of the plane. Jump out of the plane. Shoot opens. Jay. A. Jeff does studios.

Wow. That's cool. That's really safe. drone from above? What if it's like, all right, I jump out, J, Amir jumps out, A. Jeff jumps out, no shoot opens, no shoot, no shoot, no shoot, no shoot, no shoot, no shoot, what's that? Blood splatters on the ground. Studios.

Yeah. Yes, and that is a splash. You want the way I hit the ground and die to spell out studios. Actually, there's a world where Jeff is so wafishly thin that he floats up when he exits the plane. Yeah. Like a feather. Yeah. Yes, exactly.

Exactly. He turns into almost like down. Well, and then let's say you each, you each pay the extra 30 bucks to get the personal footage. Yeah. Okay. Comp that together. And then that's what you show everybody on your Patreon parties. The tardies, yeah. I can host them with Riley if it's like a kind of issue.

Actually, it's in her 30s, right? I don't know. It doesn't matter. The age thing is not really important. I just, I feel like we're people look up to people. It doesn't have any bearing. I think that people... We need role models that resemble our audience.

Otherwise, there's nothing there for them to look up to. Amir, the problem with that is like, you might be Matthew McConaughey. You might have to be your own role model. Me and 10 years. Yeah, yourself in five years, yeah. Ten years, I wouldn't, I wouldn't bet on it. I don't know. I think people like...

You might be dead. People like day in the life. There's no way you're going to be able to. I would watch... If anything, it's really good for longevity, according to this one. one doctor who looks pretty scared all the time. I don't know. Maybe there's something there where it's watching the three of you do something, something that's extreme together. A stunt. A stunt. I think there's a lot in the idea that the

three of us should be in the same place. Jeff and I are in the same place. We should be in the same room. You can't even get together. It's too cold to go from one borough to the other and they want me to, Ali, they want me to fucking fly into this blizzard, this bomb. This fucking devastated wasteland. They keep setting the producers of of cars under ice. That she'll, she would accept a job at JNA Studios if we had the cash to offer her a lot of money, which we don't yet.

But if people keep funding the shit, PBS style, we can hire her ass and she's suddenly in fucking Boreham Hill, living her best life. What's your dream role at J&A Studios? Oh, that's such a good question. barely exists. That's right. I mean, CEO's taken.

That's you guys. What are your titles? We don't have titles. You can feel afraid to grab whatever you want. You can be CEO if you want. Yeah, CEO works for sure. Yeah, I don't really want the responsibility. Yeah, clearly.

Clearly. Yeah, I was going to say clearly. I want to be editor in chief. I like that. That's really good. So you're in charge of the content, what goes where and why and scheduling and making sure that everybody's sort of getting their shit.

done on time. But then you would sort of be responsible for Jeff doing things. Is that like something that you think you're capable of doing, wrangling this man and making sure that he's on top of the situation? I'm a bar of soap to others. In many ways, I've been wrangling Jeff for my entire adult career. Yeah. I'm true.

You might be the only one that can do it. Yes. I want to be like Anna Wintour. I want to wear sunglasses indoors. I mean, Jake is abridged between you and Wintor. You have, you have our numbers still? And Jake has sunglasses. They're not going to talk about that.

Ali, I don't think Jake and Amir know that you used to be my manager's assistant. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Who's assistant? My manager's assistant, Ellie, used to be. So she has actually been emailing me for a decade. Wow. And how many gigs did you get for your management company? Like, is your management company making a lot of money off of you?

10%? Currently none, yeah. What was Jeff's reputation in the industry? That's interesting. You guys signed to him. That's actually really interesting. What was the internal communication about him? Was he radioactive?

Radioactive. No one wanted to get within 10 feet of him or was he like, did he have hot buzz? A lot of hot buzz around the water cooler. Really? Everybody's talking about Fuenke. Which but yeah. Wait. So people were talking about Evan Funke, the chef?

Yes. Men wanted to be him and women wanted to wonder who he was. Who's Fugé? No, that's just an arrested development show. Ah. That's funny. That's funny. Yeah, it's so funny.

It's funny. All right, let's take us home with first impressions. What? I feel like in business, first impressions can be the basis of an individual or an entire company's success. First of all, let's recap what the first impression of J&A Studios has been thus far. and let's also focus on, like, encouraging creativity from here on out. This can be a forum in which we can all sort of discuss tips for making good first impressions into the future.

Shut the fuck up. I mean, right? What's that? He's finally had enough. I mean, it has been a lot, and Jake's pretty patient. Wow. But to hear the F-bomb is pretty. eye opening.

Like, you've given them all shut up and Amir will take us home. Yeah, we're fucking back. Plugs to the bone. Glowing shit on paper on Twitch.com and Instagram.

Anything else? Yeah, George Glass Mosaics. George Glass Mosaics That's your mom's Glass Company

Yeah And someone bought something Shout out Levi Hell yeah She was really excited Triangle