The Highwire with Del Bigtree - SHATTERED BY FENTANYL: A FAMILY’S JOURNEY TO SAVE LIVES

Episode Date: September 10, 2024

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This is probably the biggest medical story that we've really only touched on. There's been so much going on, but this one medical issue is killing more people than really anything else we talk about. Of course, I'm talking about the fentanyl crisis, and I know you've seen it because you've been watching the news. It's a crisis of epic proportions. It's the worst crisis that I've seen in my career. The most deadly and devastating public health and public safety epidemic. We are now in the worst overdose epidemic in United States history. The synthetic drug fentanyl has been having and is having a devastating effect on our communities all across these United States.

Federal authorities say fentanyl-related fatalities are now the leading cause of death for adults under 50. According to the CDC, fentanyl was the leading cause for the record number of drug poisonings and overdose deaths in America last year. Drug users who think they are buying prescription pills like Vicodin, Percocet, Oxy, or even Adderall, but the pills are fake and often contained fentanyl. We seized over 10 million fake pills and 982 pounds of fentanyl powder. That is enough to kill 36 million Americans. Laura Brinker and Matt White lost their 17-year-old son, Connor White, to fentanyl poisoning in May of last year. He was on the floor in the bathroom, not breathing.

And immediately they called 911 and started with CPR. It was too late. Why is fentanyl so popular? It is extremely potent high. It is dirt cheap and it is incredibly easy to get. I was in and out of jail, in and out of jail for years. Crystal says she depended on fentanyl. She used so often, she overdosed more than a half dozen times.

times. Crystal says she should have died. Last year overdose deaths fueled by fentanyl and other synthetic opioids exceeded 112,000 people, yet another record. I believe that number I've actually been speaking publicly and every once in a while reference I think 60 or 70,000 deaths in America from fentanyl and to see that number was my team put it together 112,000 people died from this drug or dead now that didn't have to be. This is really a crisis of epic proportions. I do want to give a warning. I know many of you use the Highwire as a homeschool class. If you have young children in the room, then this is really probably not one of those segments that you want to have them watch. But I'll also say this.

If you have teenagers in the room with you right now, lock the door, sit them down. This is something everyone has to see. This story struck very close to us here at the High Wire. A young man that has even volunteered helped us really organize the bricks, the fundraiser that we had, and we're trying to figure out who is who and how we gritted out. A beautiful kid who just really wanted to help out and make a difference. His name was Aiden. He was visiting here just over a year ago, and there he is. Well, we lost him to this.

this horrible situation. And his parents just were courageous enough to say they wanted to open up and really tell that story for all of us parents that are really worried about the situation, what are our kids dealing with? This is their story. Aiden is my second child. He was a very sweet boy from the get-go.

He was very kind and generous and, affectionate, had a great sense of humor. He was a, you know, very outgoing kid, I think, in some ways, but in other ways he was shy and a little bit apprehensive. I think that from a very young age, he did have anxiety out in the world. He wanted to be with us all the time and really didn't even ever want to go off to school. He was that kid that had a really hard time, you know, sitting in the desk all day and following the directions the way that

that kids are expected to do. So he definitely struggled. We had a property down here in Mexico and I felt like pulling them out of school at that age and going on this kind of adventure was going to be a better learning experience overall for them. So we lived in Mexico for about two years. We ended up moving back to the States

and landed in Santa Barbara, California, where we lived for almost 12 years and tried to create a home that was fun and lively. I'm and my husband being a musician. He loved playing music with his dad. That became a bonding thing for us that we played music together. I mean, he was good. He could sing and he could play and he could write. I think music was maybe his primary self-confidence. confidence. It's the place where his heart was really full and he shined bright. Oh they never no more should I play the wild.

In 2009 we, the Hesu Sita Fire took our home and we literally had nothing left. So Aiden was 10 years old at that time. I think everybody was pretty traumatized from that and it all compounded, I think, at that time. I feel like that had a big impact on Aden going back into just that anxiety that easily came to him. I think it brought a lot of that back. And that's where he just continued to struggle and was acting out and starting to get in trouble, not focusing in class, goofing around. He was a rebel, for sure.

Drugs and experimenting and trying to find relief. getting caught with marijuana, drinking with buddies, and just all of those kinds of things, which we kind of felt like he would grow out of. We did try to do a lot of different things to help him from therapy and different doctors. The psychiatrist that we went to, he just wanted to prescribe medication out of the get-go.

I mean, the Adderall for this and this for that, and it's like, how do you guys even know? We tried to look at what he was eating, and supplements and different kinds of things. It was really challenging for him because he was the kind of person too that was just like, oh, if there's a pill that makes me feel better, I want that. The naturopath, that takes time. And when you have somebody that's anxious and wants relief that very moment,

a long-term plan is harder to get them engaged with. As he got older and was exposed to all of the parts, that was going on in Santa Barbara. There's a lot of drugs available to kids, and more than you realize as a parent. We did find out that he was starting to dabble with the opiates. I don't know when it transitioned from more conventional opiates to fentanyl, but it seemed to progress.

He recognized the slippery slope of that, but was not able to control it on his own. And so that's when we found it. that's when we first began to search for outside help. I am joined by Aiden's parents, Charmaine, and John Bostwick now. I want to thank you both for coming in. Thank you. Hi, Del.

Thank you for having us. Yes. You know, you visited just over a year ago. It was great seeing you've been great supporters of the work that we do here. And, you know, so was Aiden. I guess what's just to begin with what is difficult is I think that we compartmentalize these stories and say, well, they had a troubled childhood,

there was unrest in the family, divorce. Like we tried to just think that that couldn't happen to me. You know, we have a stable household. I mean, you seem like good parents, you seem like caring, pulled them out of school, did things that a lot of people in our audience are doing. Do you feel, I mean, when you reflect on it, was this just inevitable or is it, you know, is the story written?

Was there love in the house? Was there something that we're missing in the story? You know, it's an interesting question to ask. I don't know if it was inevitable. I mean, I feel like maybe from some spiritual level, you know, Aiden came here to teach us something and then moved on. You know, but yeah, on the human level of analyzing it all, yes, we had a lot of love in our household and loving family and actually a lot of support from our families on both sides, both John and mine. And we do have addiction and alcoholism and addiction running in our families on both sides. But I think honestly, that's kind of going on in most families as you begin to talk to people, you know, out in the world. And I think you just do the best you can as a parent to try to stay on top of that.

I think John and I coming from growing up in the 80s, you know, there was a lot of partying where I grew up. I know you've shared a bit about that too. like it was kind of a free time where I grew up in a more of an alternative community up in northern California and and there was plenty of partying going on and we kind of you kind of grow out of that and so there's that idea that you know some of that's just normal and then so as a parent I think there's a real tricky place to to find that balance of like what is okay and what isn't and when does it get out of control. And I do think there are different factors. Some people are more susceptible, you know, to addiction than others. And I think Aiden, he was diagnosed with ADHD,

quote unquote, at freshman year in high school. He had always been very anxious. You know, that kind of runs in the family, too. I've really struggled with anxiety. So it's hard to know. what specifically you know something that you would say that he almost was moving through this world pretty quickly like he was kind of he had this kind of old soul vibe especially when he would get sober which was three or four different times and it would be for these extended periods and he was just such a amazing person to talk to and just a great human being all the way around and very real, but there was also a sense of him that was, like we keep saying, he was uncomfortable after a certain point. He was very comfortable when he would get sober and we think we were out of

the woods, and that's another thing that I think is important to maybe reflect on from our experience, is that we thought we were out of the woods three times, meaning that this wasn't going to come back. And, you know, these drugs right now are super drugs. I mean, they're so powerful. Well, that's what I mean, to me, as you said, I grew up in the 80s, too. They're just, it's just a different world. I mean, I suppose there was something, but just not like this, where one time something is late for something you can die

or so incredibly addictive. There's just no turning it around. at what age was he at when you first knew he was experimenting at all? 14 probably 14? Yeah, like junior high. Yeah, and we just couldn't, you know, so we'd do the what the heck thing, you know, and it just blew our mind. Is that younger than you guys sort of, when you reflected on your past?

Yeah, yeah, it's younger. I mean, he was, he was an experimenter, and like I think we said, there, he even told me. So I mean, as we went through this journey together of him getting sober, we became very honest. He was very honest with us. I mean, he would hide stuff when it came to wanting to go off and use or whatever, but when he was sober, he'd be totally honest. And he just said that the drug just really made him feel way better, whatever it was. And it just kept progressing. And I knew kind of in the back of my mind, by the way he would talk about it, that this thing was never going to leave his head, unless there was some miracle thing with

like psychedelics or something that people are talking a lot about in terms of helping with that. But in terms of preventing it from ever happening, you'd have to pretty much lock somebody in a room. But I do think the signs of, it just feels this way to me. And without, I don't study this or anything but the sign that somebody is anxious or has a hard time sleeping or is having some social anxiety or whatever that to me would be a huge red flag indicator that you want to watch your kids real close and I don't know what the answers are maybe it's heavily into sports or whatever yeah well you know John and Charmaine did what any parent would do

eventually you start trying to use some sort of rehabilitation systems. They got involved in programs. Aiden was open to that. This is the next part of their story. Aidan was always really willing to go into treatment. He came out of the Riverbank House. He was super inspired and started taking classes at Santa Barber City College. He had a great job that he loved. Those would be the times. It's like he'd come out of it. So inspired and so so in his essence and Keith Frye and you just were so hopeful. We all were. He was excited. And that was right when the pandemic hit. Governor Gavin Newsom ordered all 40 million residents

to stay at home. Schools in northern Santa Barbara County will close to reduce the spread of coronavirus. About 6.1 million children are now no longer in school. His life just kind of came to a halt and he was very isolated and that was a time when he did end up relapsing and going back to the self-medicating. Over that several-year period he was struggling on and off. He'd get able to get some help and he'd come back in our lives and he probably did that three times. So he was aware of what he was even doing to himself but couldn't stop it. And fentanyl, it's like a super drug. It just puts its hooks in you.

He would just tell me that even if you know it's going to kill you, you'll still do it. It's crazy. Aiden was in a sober living in Oregon, but there was a buddy there, and they decided to use together, so they got kicked out of this sober living. And he ended up on the street in Portland.

And when we saw him, he looked like he had been on the street for a year. And it was only a matter of days. He would have sores on his skin. When Aiden came and walked in Charmaine, he looked at me. He felt so much remorse and shame. And he said, Grandma, I'm sorry.

You do not deserve to have a grandson like me. And I said, you are the only grandson I have ever wanted. And that was one of the most heartbreaking, heart-wrenching times. You can't even understand how powerful the thing is. They're no longer themselves. They're no longer themselves. I don't want to remember my son this way, and I don't want other people to remember him this way. But I think it's important for people to realize how quickly the fentanyl kidnaps them.

And they literally turn into someone that you wouldn't recognize. That's hard to see. Yeah. What are your thoughts as you watch that now? Well, just showing up here to honor Aiden's memory by being in service. you know, to talk about something that's not easy to talk about and easy to look at. And there's so much stigma around addiction and there's so much that we're seeing in society, that people who are being destroyed by these drugs.

And I think we tend to become hardened to it, right? And other them and, yeah, just the whole stigma thing. So, you know, really part of the reason that I'm here is in, honor of Aiden to continue to be of service and and have these conversations so that more and more people are really aware of how how intense it has gotten and don't do what we did and think oh they'll you know they'll figure it out it's much more serious yeah there's a shame element to it too which I think stigma and shame we were trying to figure out where those lines are blurred but you invariably have an element of regret, shame, all these just really horrible emotions that you kind of reflect back on.

But we feel like, you know, when you guys call this for this, you know, we thought about it for it took maybe five seconds to go, yeah, of course. Because if we, you know, can be of some kind of help, I think that's maybe what the purpose of these horrors. things are is to try to mitigate it by, because there's always a balance, right? There's always a battle between good and bad somehow, no matter what you believe or, you know, what your, you know, feelings are about religion or anything that you believe spiritually, but there is that battle. And we went through beautiful things with him, really beautiful.

In fact, we kind of became friends because we couldn't be. him, you know, in the end. So we would play music together. We did some shows together, and we just were very honest with each other. Of course, we didn't want to hear about him going and doing drugs, but we'd have a couple beers together because I just couldn't stop it. We couldn't keep him sober. So we just didn't know what to do.

So that's what happens. You don't know what to do, and you don't know what's happening. You create a healthy way to be in this environment. versus like, you know, obviously austerity isn't working for this individual. You can't just ignore it completely. So can we find a, I mean, I just can't imagine as a parent just grappling for, I would think myself, I tend to sort of start with yelling. I would imagine I would.

Yeah, that was the first thing. That was tried. Yeah. Yeah, that's my, luckily, my wife is such a stable element. And, you know, people probably aren't surprised. see me on the show and fairly, you know, lovingly, you know, emphatic. But then you must think, wait, is that just pushing them away? That doesn't work. I don't know what works.

Yeah. Well, it didn't, nothing work for us, but. And it felt like we tried everything. You know, we worked with different counselors, different intervention people, different rehab treatment kinds of places. And there are different approaches, right? the tough love and then more of... There are good resources out there, though.

We had a great guy who's helped us, who's now passed, Burr, but he really opened it up. And he said, look, get rid of the anger. Don't be mad. Just get, because, you know, he's been through it all. And that was a new thought to me to get rid of the anger because they're not themselves. They're absolutely hijacked. And so that's something that's important to point out to families that might be struggling with this or whatever is going on if it's been a long battle or a short battle.

But being angry about it is a natural reaction, but it's not going to help because they are not, oh my God, they are just not themselves. And you kind of think, well, this is self-inflicted, and that's going to be, you know, in fact, one of the things Burr would say to us is, you know, we'd have this big class of people that had addictive loved ones. He said, do you think this is a disease or not? And it's hard to say because you can make a decision about it, unlike maybe cancer, right, to take the thing. But it really is a disease. It's a disease if you really get down into it. And I can't really articulate how it is right here, right now. But I would just say that you need to get help.

It seems like some people, like a cancer, you can try and burn it out. You can try and get it out of it. But if it's, you know, it just has its way of, you know, coming back. You think about people going. Is it gone good, you know, continuing to get checked up? Yeah. I would imagine this disease, you're, you know, Am I through it? Am I clear?

And it seems like you did exactly what I would imagine I would do, which is, I mean, both my wife and I are artists, you know, and I would say, what's your passion? Like, you'd find the thing you care about in life and focus on that. So you, you know, the music. This thing's stronger than almost everything else to certain people, right? Once it gets their, it's claws in you. Yep. And that if there's, I guess, any message. again, going back to people that might have a proclivity, which is probably very difficult to

diagnose other than anxiety or whatever. Well, and it's one of those that you don't know until you know. Until you know, yeah. It's too late. Then it might be too late, exactly. But, you know, maybe there are some indications. But I think getting help early and overboard would be maybe if we're here to recommend anything from our experience is we were just like waiting for it.

And then it would just get so bad and rehab. And then we would let our guard back down, kind of. Not really, but we'd start feeling like this is going to, we beat it again. And I don't know if. Yeah, I don't know if I felt like we ever really beat it. I think there was always concern. But it's, again, it's like not ever completely knowing

what the answer is and trying to. to reach out in, you know, different ways with different people. And then when that maybe isn't completely working, I feel like, you know, like there, it was hard when Aiden became a young adult. It was different when he was a teenager, and we could tell him what to do. And we would put him into rehab, or we would demand things, and we went through all of that, just doing everything we could, and Trump. trying to get help.

But when he became a young man, you know, there's a point where you don't get to control everything. And that is really challenging. And I feel like, though we would get very hopeful at times when he would be sober for, you know, I think up to nine months is really the longest he had, but he would be doing really good. And it's easy to begin to believe he's going to make it through this. going to be okay, you know, and maybe he can just be kind of this regular kid that goes

out with his friends and has drinks sometimes and, you know, but is living his life and thriving. And so all of that's a slippery slope. So I would encourage people to definitely reach out as much as possible when, if they do suspect or seeing signs with their children, I think it was hard in the beginning because you're questioning yourself and they're going to lie to you and and that will make you feel like you're crazy and then there's the stigma issue so I think you know that's hard too you don't know how to talk about it in the beginning with your own peer group and I think what's important for people to know is if they

suspect anything to really be reaching out and getting help and in many ways as you can and don't be afraid to talk about it's the one disease where, you know, nobody really is, like, able to attack the problem. They're, like, going away from the problem. They're trying to run from a rehab or from some kind of cure. And it just, it's like a, it's a complete nightmare of a problem. And, you know, I don't know how it's going to get solved. It's like, you know, Ben, who wrote the book, who you're going to talk to,

we spent a lot of time talking to him before this. And we were talking about, like, I mean, what are the solutions? And it's, again, I'm not even going to try to begin to answer that from a societal standpoint, but from just a personal standpoint, I feel like the one thing that we could say is if you, at the very beginning, go overboard, trying to do whatever it is to get the right kind of help. And again, I don't know what that is, but there are professionals. out there and we had a great guy Burr, but once it gets too far, it's, I think with these drugs, it's very hard to come back.

What about peer pressure? How did he, you know, do you feel like that had any play in it or was this just? Because, I mean, I know he's a high wire kid, right? He was able to stand up against vaccinate. And tell me about that in him. Yeah, well, that's interesting. I think peer pressure came into play when he was younger in those in the early days of him being he was also kind of the the class clown kid the entertainer from the beginning he didn't

fit in the box as a disciplined student in school I was too yeah and and he was that creative person he really was and and so his way I believe of coping with his anxiety around school and not fitting in or doing as well as, you know, maybe the math whiz next to him was to be this funny guy and and also maybe a bit of a rebel. And he had that, you know, that musician personality that liked to entertain. And so he did end up with some friends where they would feed each other in that way. And they were, they were getting into trouble. They were a little wild. He was wild for sure. But then again, he was also had an incredibly good heart. I mean, just, and I'm sure that's true of everybody, right?

Most everybody, especially that's suffering from addiction. So he was highly sensitive, and I think that's a big piece of it too. You know, and part of the numbing and not being able to deal with things. But it's also that that revel in him, Dell, that I think had him open to, like, the vaccination issue. And I had been working for my chiropractor for a long time, who was one of the, like a health coach, and he introduced me to you before the pandemic. And so I was always sharing information with my kids and wanting to talk to them about that kind of stuff. So when the pandemic happened and we were considering, you know, is this something we would do as far as the vaccine?

No, I don't think so. Well, our kids were already adults. And so I just wanted to give them information so that they could decide on their own because that to me was really important that people get to take in the information and make their own decisions. And Aden really did that. He watched the high wire. He got inspired. He started asking more and more about that. And he chose not to take the vaccine, had many friends who were, you know. But he wasn't one of those kids. It's like he. He wasn't the kind of kid that was trying to follow everybody. He didn't comply. He didn't need to comply. Yeah, he was very much of his own style and thinking in that kind of thing.

Which is such a, it's like what you want in your children. You want them to be dynamic. You want them to be individuals. You want them to be unique. You don't want them to feel suppressed so that they can't enjoy themselves. themselves so I mean the let's just look at the last part of the story as Aiden is is very open with his parents he's working to try and get through it and taking trips and visiting Mexico this is the rest of the story he came to be

with us in Mexico and we had had to have some big talks with him and also set some real boundaries and as a parent that's just a really really challenging thing that you go through is constantly like are we doing the right thing he had started to get that compulsion to I think jump out of his skin really and this kind of pace here was not working any longer we were living hour by hour just every time that phone rings what's it gonna be and whenever I I heard that ring, it would just send shivers through my body. The last time that I saw him, it was January 15th.

He had decided to go and that was the day he was going to leave. His plan was to take a break from here and to go and see what he could do up there. And he had a friend who had an apartment and they could be roommates. So I drove them to the airport and just gave him a big hug. And you know, every time Aidan went to leave, there would be a part of my, in the back of my mind, wondering if I would see him again. I remember hugging him goodbye,

and then I started to walk my direction. He was going his and I turned back because I had a feeling. Then we got the call the next day that he was gone. He had overdosed. The toxicology report had fentanyl, two different kinds of strong, strong benzodiazepines.

I was in shock and it's like going through a bad dream. What I miss day to day is I miss his sense of humor and that laugh that he had and I even miss the hard times. I miss his hugs. I miss traveling with him. He was so fun. I miss his sense of humor. These drugs are stealing.

such beautiful people. Aiden, I love you so much. Thank you for all the joy that you spread to me, to our family, and we know who you are. You guys have to make us cry on TV. That's the first time I've seen that. It's the first time we've seen that, so it's a little bit hard, so I apologize.

No, it's hard as a parent to watch. Yeah. you know, sitting here with you, you know, it doesn't feel like there's any anything, anyone could tell you or say, I'm sure you've run yourself through every what if we had done something else. Oh, yeah. And then I guess you're left with celebrating, you know, the moments that you... Yeah, we're feeling good about a lot of this in a strange way where we're now doing something like this, where we can give back in his honor.

And I mean, there's nothing good about it, but there is some feeling of peace for him. And also, and this is just for us, this isn't really maybe relevant to maybe some of this conversation, but there's this sense that there's something else. For us because we've seen signs of him. I don't go looking for signs and I've seen him for sure and So there's a certain level of You know, there's a bigger thing going on Yeah, than just this world that we're in, but and I think we're here now these challenging things that that we're dealing with there's a lot going on in the world, right? A lot of really hard stuff so

I think it's what are we here to learn, you know, what can people like Aiden teach us? What is going on that we all need to look at and how can we learn and grow and hopefully help people along the way and help people to be compassionate and. Yeah, maybe something Aiden's going, maybe is giving a gift to hopefully a lot other, more, you know, other people in the future that are really, I mean, it's very surreal. Even when, you know, like she said, we almost not expected it, but weren't going to be surprised because of how close he was living to the edge. to say you said every time that phone rang when it rang that time. Oh, we had the new iPhone with a nice little jingly ring that's like a dream, and it scared the crap out of me every time I hear that sound. And that's how we were living, except for the times when he would be sober.

But, you know, that can always change on a dime. Yeah. Yeah, it's a rough road for families to be having a child struggle with addiction. And let all, you know, the now with these drugs the way they are even more and more powerful. I mean, it's, it's a nightmare. And that's why, you know, I encourage families to really get support, really reach out, have the conversations. Don't hope. As hard as you think it is, how uncomfortable, you know, really get the help you need.

Well, I want to thank you both for being so courageous sharing this. incredible story. And, you know, I think you're, you may be right. I mean, this is, I've been around addiction. I try to imagine what rock stars would have made it if this was the drug in the 70s and 80s. I mean, how many of them would be alive to, you know, at all. It's so destructive. So perhaps, you know, I think my hope here is that maybe at least this interview in this moment can be shared, you know, by our families and to children before they make that choice. Before you try this out, don't do it. It's no good.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Thank you for having us, Dahl. Thank you so much. Really appreciate it. You appreciate you. Right.