The Hilary Silver Podcast - #101: One Simple Habit To Upgrade Your Life Instantly

Episode Date: January 30, 2026

What you tolerate becomes the standard that quietly decides your confidence, your relationships and the life you believe you deserve. So many women mistake tolerance for maturity. Staying flexible and patient or understanding can feel like growth when it is really training you to live with friction. Hilary Silver reframes tolerance as an identity signal. The broken routines, the low level irritation, the one sided dynamics you have learned to live with all reinforce an internal message about what you expect from life and from yourself. Over time those small compromises stop feeling temporary and start shaping what feels normal. This conversation brings the focus back to self respect and choice. Who are you becoming and what no longer fits that version of your life. Hilary shows how addressing what drains you, upgrading what irritates you and stepping back from uneven relationships can shift everything. Growth starts when you stop normalizing what weighs you down and choose one clear standard instead. Episode Highlights: Why tolerance quietly shapes identity and self-worth How small unresolved frustrations drain energy over time The difference between self-improvement and self-respect How one intentional change can reset your personal standard Episode Breakdown: 00:00 What You Tolerate Shapes Your Self-Worth 03:02 How Your Environment Reinforces Your Identity 09:08 Investing in Yourself as an Act of Self-Respect 12:03 When Relationships Reflect Your Standards 15:13 Raising Your Standards Improves Your Life ✨ I’m Hilary Silver, LCSW, former psychotherapist turned master coach and founder of Ready for Love. I help high-achieving women show up in love as confidently as they do in their careers. 💡 Through this podcast, I share my WOMAN-centered, SELF-centered approach—time-tested methods that blend psychology, brain science, relationship skills, and no-BS dating advice. 🎙️ Since 2017, we’ve helped over 10,000 women with a 98% success rate, making Ready for Love the #1 program in the world for women who’ve tried everything else. ✨ Ready to stop repeating the same patterns and finally create the love you deserve?  🎯 Watch my free masterclass to learn the proven 4-step Ready for Love Method: https://readyforloveinc.com/masterclass 💬 Apply for a free Love Breakthrough Call with my team: https://readyforloveinc.com/apply Cozy Earth: Make Rest a Habit You Look Forward To Up to 20% off + 100-Night Sleep Trial & 10-Year Warranty Use code READYFORLOVE at CozyEarth.com 

Here's something most people don't realize. Everything that you're willing to put up with is a reflection of how you see yourself. Broken thing that you've been meaning to fix but never do. The person who drains you, but you keep answering their calls. The life you've built that looks good on paper but doesn't actually feel good to live. You're not just tolerating these things. You're telling yourself and the world that this is who you are and what you deserve. If you want your life to be even just a little bit better, you have to stop accepting what brings you. you down. And today I'm showing you just how to do that. Hi, it's Hillary. Welcome to the Ready for Love podcast. Most of us don't even realize how much we are settling in our daily lives. We adapt, we adjust, we get used to things that once

bothered us until we stopped noticing them altogether. But here's what happens over time. And when you do that, your tolerance for mediocrity becomes your new normal. That new normal shapes everything, your mental health, your energy, your sense of what's possible for you. When I was in my mid-40s, I was building this business and I had a goal, create a multi-million dollar coaching company and be the CEO and founder of something significant. But I knew I couldn't get there as the version of me I was at the time. I had to become a next-level version of myself. I had to become her first. And that woman doesn't settle for less. That woman, lives a very different life than the one that I've been living. And one of the most powerful things I did

to transform my identity is this. I stopped tolerating things that didn't match who I was becoming. And every time I upgraded something in my environment, every time I said no to something that was part of the old me and my old life, but that couldn't be part of my new life if I was ever to create it, I sent a signal to myself. I'm worth more than this. I'm done accepting less. That's the old version of me. And that shift changed everything. So today, I'm walking you through four areas where you're tolerating and settling and don't even realize it so you can level up. So the first area that we're going to talk about is your immediate environment, the things around you. Let's start with your physical space, the environment where you live and work every single day.

I want you to look around right now. What's broken? What's outdated? What makes you cringe a little every time you see it or use it? Maybe it's the lamp that flickers, the drawer that sticks, the towels that aren't actually absorbent, the kitchen knife that doesn't cut anymore, the throw pillows that you don't love anymore. Maybe it's bigger things. expensive furniture that you ordered online, but that was never really comfortable,

wall paint that didn't turn out as you expected, carpet that has seen better days. Here's what happens with these things. You notice it at first, and you think, I should fix that, I should deal with that. But you don't. Life gets busy. And then you see it again, and again, and it becomes background noise. It's just another thing that you've gotten used to dealing with and living with, but every time you interact with it. Every time you force the sticky drawer or grab that dull knife, you're having a tiny moment of aggravation and frustration and annoyance. It's a little hit to your nervous system. It's like getting poked, not hard enough to make you scream just enough to irritate you over and over and over.

It's like a paper cut, so tiny and seemingly insignificant, but actually really stingy and painful. So here's why this matters. These aren't just inconveniences. There are messages. Every time that you use something that doesn't work properly, every time you look at something that makes you feel less than great, you're reinforcing a belief. This is fine.

This is good enough for me. I don't have time for myself. When you operate from that place surrounded by things that are just fine, you start showing up with someone who accepts fine in other areas too. But when you upgrade your environment and when you fix the things that bother you. When you take the time to care for yourself in these small but very influential ways, you feel better and you start showing up differently. Those small things make a big difference. After I had this conversation with a friend about what we tolerate, she told me that she went home

immediately and upgraded her drinkwear. She bought herself these lovely little juice glasses intended just for juice and a deucer so she could enjoy fresh juice every morning, not because she needed it, but because she decided she was worth drinking out of something beautiful, a little life upgrade, just a little bit of luxury, and that she's worth starting her day with something that makes her feel good. That's the shift. You don't have to overhaul your entire life in one weekend. Just start small.

Fix the one thing that's been bothering you the most. Replace the one item that brings you the most frustration or makes you cringe. And notice how different you feel when you're no longer tolerating these things, They do actually make a big difference. So the next area that we're going to talk about is your daily routine, all the things that you do in a day, the tasks, the routines, the obligations that fill your time. What are you doing that you actually resent? What makes you feel tired just thinking about it? What do you dread?

Maybe it's the commute you hate, the meetings that could be emails, the household tasks that somehow always fall to you, even though you didn't sign up to be the only one doing them. Here's what I realized when I was building my business. I was spending hours every week doing things that a version of me making millions of dollars shouldn't and wouldn't be doing. So I asked myself, what would the multimillion dollar CEO version of me delegate? What would she outsource? What would she stop doing altogether? And I started making changes.

There are better ways to spend my time. So I hired someone to handle our laundry. Not all of it because I do want my kids to still. learn responsibility and have chores. But all the household linens that somehow always became my job, done, no longer mine to do. I experimented with different solutions for the nightly dinner grind that had turned something that I used to love into something that I dread. Because when you have to do something every single night for years, it kind of just stops being enjoyable. It really became such a burden for me. And I'm not saying that you need to hire help for everything.

I'm just saying that you need to get honest about what's draining you and address it. What things can you delegate at work and at home and what things can you hire out? The things you really just dread doing should be the first on your list. So here's what to do. For the next week, pay attention. Notice what makes you feel resentful. What makes you grumpy? What makes you think, oh, I hate this.

Why am I always the one doing this? And then ask yourself, what could I do differently? Could someone else do this? Could I eliminate this thing entirely? Could I change the way I'm approaching this? Get creative, get resourceful, because your time and energy are finite. Every hour that you spend on something that drains you is an hour that you're not spending on something that lights you up. It's an hour you can never get back. So stop living a life with tasks and chores or routines that you're tolerating and lighten your load. People say time is money, but you can always make more money. You can never, ever get your time back. Time is your most valuable resource, so value it. Okay, the third area. This one hits different because it's not about your environment or your schedule. It's about you. What are you living with about yourself that bothers you? What makes you feel self-conscious? What causes you discomfort or pain? Maybe it's physical. Maybe it's the weight that's been slowly creeping up, or the injury that you say that you'll deal with but never do and

have just gotten used to feeling the pain. It's the dental work you've been putting off, the wardrobe that doesn't fit who you are anymore. Maybe it's internal. The anxiety that you've been normalizing, the people pleasing, you can't seem to stop. The way you shrink yourself in certain situations or the perfectionism that is slowly eating away at your soul. Here's what I know. If something about yourself is bothering you and it's fixable, you owe it to yourself to fix it. As John Gottman says, solve the solvable problems. I dealt with misaligned teeth my entire life. Even after braces as a teenager, my bite was still off.

But I just lived with it. I really didn't think that there was another way until I started being on camera constantly. And I had to look at myself all the time. And I just couldn't ignore it anymore. So I got envisaline during COVID, and it didn't just change my smile. It actually changed my entire life. I cannot believe I had waited so long. I couldn't believe I just accepted and tolerated something that bothered me for decades.

It is just really crazy what we can get used to. So here's the thing, and you know this. Life is too short to be uncomfortable in your own skin and in your own body and in your own life. If something is weighing on you, deal with it. Invest in yourself because you're the one person you are guaranteed to spend every single day with for the rest of your life. That is not vanity. That is self-respect. And even if it is vanity, who cares? You will wonder why you put it off for so long. Stop telling yourself, you'll deal with it later. Later becomes never. Don't put yourself off, my friends. Deal with it now. An investment in yourself is the best investment you will ever make.

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Bedtime stops becoming something you put off and starts becoming something you look forward to. And that makes a real difference over time. January is a wonderful time to reset your sleep and start the year feeling more rested and renewed. Cozy Earth makes it easy to try their betting with a 100-night sleep trial and a 10-year warranty. If you want to start the year feeling supported by better rest, go to CozyEarth.com and use my code ready for love for up to 20% off. That's cozyearth.com and use the code ready for love. And if you get a post-purched survey, be sure to mention you heard Cozy Earth right here from me.

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Plan start at $15 a month at mintmobile.com. ready for love. That's mintmobile.com slash ready for love. Limited time offer, upfront payment of $45 for a three-month plan, $90 for a six-month plan, or $180 for a 12-month plan required. Taxes and fees extra, initial plan term only. Speeds may slow after 50 gigabytes when the network is busy. Capable device required, availability, speed, and coverage vary. See mintmobile.com. The fourth area are relationships and situations that you are staying in, and this is the big one. because this category has the most profound impact on your life. What relationships are you staying in that don't actually serve you?

What situations are you tolerating that drain your energy or make you feel uncomfortable? So examples would be friendships that are one-sided, family dynamics that are toxic, romantic relationships that leave you feeling lonely even when you're together, or jobs that pay the bills but kill your soul. When I turned 50, I did something that you're feeling lonely. that felt kind of radical. I stopped initiating. I had always been the planner, the organizer, the outreach person doing all the inviting with my friends. And I realized I wasn't feeling valued. Something was missing for me. I wanted to be invited too. So I stopped carrying the torch.

I stopped putting energy and effort into people who weren't giving it back in some way, not like a scorekeeping tip-for-tack kind of thing, but in a flow of reciprocity. I stopped doing all the outreach and the organizing and the inviting just to see what would happen. And to be honest, my world went a little quiet. And at first, I was a little disoriented and upset. And then I grieved the loss of that a little bit. But then after the fog cleared, I realized it was the loss of something that wasn't even there to begin with. And what was left was what was actually most important. Those who love and value me the most remained. And it allowed me to spend my time with the value, quality over quantity,

and it cleared the path for new, fresh connections to come into my life with people who show up for me. It was so hard, but I am so happy that I did that because what has remained is true, and I will take quiet and true over filler noise any day. Letting go of relationships that weren't mutual

has been life-changing for me. So here's what I want you to understand. Most people think being secure means having a big circle, lots of friends, constant support, and validation. But the most secure woman doesn't need anyone to remind her who she is. She doesn't look for proof. She doesn't wait for validation. She already knows her worth, and that's what makes her complete. So one of the most secure women that you'll ever meet is the one with the smallest circle.

She's comfortable with her own company, and she knows who she is. and she's already given herself the approval and validation most people spend their lives searching for. So she doesn't need others to prop her up and rally behind her, and she doesn't fill her calendar to avoid being alone. Her friendships and relationships are intentional, not a sign of popularity. And she doesn't tolerate drama or fake connections because she doesn't need to feel good enough. Her peace comes from validating herself, knowing exactly who she is and doing what's best for her,

if it's unpopular. Powerful women don't need to be liked and they don't need proof that they are worthy and they don't seek external validation. So if your circle is small, don't mistake it for lack. It could actually mean you are just deeply secure in yourself. And the same applies to romantic relationships. My Ready for Love clients are wildly successful women. They've built incredible careers and have great lives. But they keep ending up in relationships that disappoint them. men who don't meet them and who breadcrumb them and who make them feel like they're asking for too much when they're asking for just the bare minimum. And they stay because they've gotten used to it because they don't want to start over because they're afraid of being alone. Here's what I tell them. You're not avoiding loneliness by staying in a relationship that makes you feel lonely.

You're just tolerating a different, more painful kind of alone. So stop tolerating and settling for partners who don't actually partner with. you. Stop accepting careers that drain you just because it's comfortable and it pays you well. Stop keeping people in your life who don't genuinely want the best for you. When you don't hold yourself in high regard, you tolerate people and situations that reflect that back to you. When you know your worth, you protect your energy and your peace and you become incredibly selective about who gets access to you. That is not being selfish, it's being discerning. So, You're going to do this tolerating exercise once and clear out a lot of clutter in your life.

You're going to make changes and set boundaries and let things go and replace things and that can be very fun. But this isn't just a one-time thing. It's an ongoing practice. Check in with yourself regularly and ask yourself, what am I tolerating that I wasn't six months ago? What have I gotten used to that's actually bringing me down? Because as you grow, your tolerance for certain things shrink. you continue to level up and shed the things that no longer serve you in so many ways. What you accepted a year ago should not be acceptable now.

That's growth and evolution, and it's really just becoming the woman who has the life you want. You're next leveling yourself all the time. I elevated my identity by refusing to settle and to stop tolerating, and by addressing the things that were dragging me down and making major moves to do it. We all fold our own laundry until maybe we, one day we don't. And we all keep that toxic person in our life until one day maybe we don't. And we all settle for less than we deserve until one day we realize we're worth more. So have a close look at your life right now, your space, your routines, yourself, and your

relationships. And ask yourself, what am I tolerating? What have I gotten so used to that I don't even notice it anymore? See it and pick one thing, one small thing, and fix it. Replace it. Replace it. it and let it go. Notice how different you feel when you're no longer settling in that one area and then do it again and again and again. Thanks for being here. If this resonated with you, please share it with someone who needs to hear it. And I'd love it if you would rate and review this episode. It helps other people find us. And let me know what you're going to stop tolerating. See you next time.