The Hilary Silver Podcast - #110: 7 Micro Habits That Will Change Your Life

Starting point is 00:00:00 Life is pretty good. You're functioning, you're managing, things are fine. But fine isn't the goal and good enough is actually settling. Next leveling yourself doesn't require a complete overhaul. It doesn't take hours of effort. It takes seven tiny little habits, less than five minutes each, that create massive shifts. So today I'm giving you those exact micro habits that will take you from good to extraordinary in 30 days. And stick around till the very end, because I'm saving my favorite for the very last. Hi, it's Hillary. Welcome to the Ready for Love podcast.

Starting point is 00:00:39 Most people think upgrading their life requires dramatic change, a new job, a new relationship, a complete identity shift. But that's not really how real transformation happens. Real transformation happens through tiny, consistent actions that rewire your brain, change your energy, and change how you show up. These aren't the habits everyone else is teaching. These are the ones that actually work, the ones backed by neuroscience, the ones that create measurable change in just a very short amount of time.

Starting point is 00:01:09 So habit number one, find the win in everything. This means that you are looking for the upside in all of your experiences. It's called the rule of the golden nugget, that even when things are disappointing or frustrating or just kind of mediocre, there is still something amazing happening. There is still a win to be had. This isn't toxic positivity or pretending bad things are good. This is retraining your brain to be resourceful instead of defeated. So here's an example.

Starting point is 00:01:40 The IRS owes me $40,000 from my 2024 taxes. They keep making excuses, passing the buck to some other agent or some other agency. It is maddening. You might think that there is absolutely nothing good about the government owing. me my tax return of $40,000. I pick this example on purpose. But here's the win. I don't need that money to live right now. I have built financial stability and security from nothing, and that is worth the win. Or this one, people copy my content on the internet all the time. My original ideas spoken by someone else like they thought of it themselves. At first, this felt like I was

Starting point is 00:02:27 violated like there'd been a robber in my house, literally stealing words and ideas from my head. But here's the win. I can choose to focus on this truth and reality. I'm the frontrunner. I've got a lot of amazing things to say. I'm the leader. People are copying me because I'm creating something worth copying. Do you see the mindset shift? That's the difference between staying bitter and staying powerful. And so here's why this habit matters. Your brain has a negativity bias. It's wired to focus on threats, problems, failures. That's how humans have survived. But in modern life, that bias keeps you stuck in a victim mentality. When you deliberately train your brain to find the win, the lessons, the growth, the blessings, the silver lining, you're literally

Starting point is 00:03:19 rewiring your neural pathways. You're building resilience. You're becoming someone who doesn't crumble when things go wrong. People feel that energy. They're drawn to people who can take a hit and keep moving, who don't wallow, who extract value from every experience. So here's the practice. Every day, something will go wrong or something will disappoint you or somebody will disappoint you. Something won't go the way that you've planned. Instead of spiraling, ask yourself, what's the win here? What can I learn from this? What's the upside that I'm not yet seeing? Go looking for it. even if it's small, even if it feels like a stretch, you can find it. Maybe the date sucked, but you learned what you don't want. That's a win. Maybe you didn't get the job, but now you're free to find something better because you knew in your heart that you were settling and forcing something that really wasn't a great fit. Maybe the relationship ended, but you're no longer settling for someone who didn't choose you all the way, and you might have stayed in the past.

Starting point is 00:04:24 The more that you do this, the more your brain starts automatically doing it. And suddenly, you are someone who sees opportunity everywhere instead of obstacles. I love that one. Habit number two, this builds on the last. And that is celebrate something every single day. You're not just noticing them like a mindset shift. You are actually celebrating them. It is a gratitude practice put in action.

Starting point is 00:04:50 And it's not just the big wins and celebrations, not just when everything. goes perfectly, it's especially celebrating when things even suck. Most people only celebrate when they deserve it or when they've achieved something significant, when they cross the finish line and achieve the big goal. But that's not how you build resilient, confident, high vibe energy. That's how you stay stuck dependent on external validation. That's how you only allow yourself to feel accomplished or successful when the goal has been achieved, rather than celebrating yourself along the way in the process of achieving a goal. Here's the thing. If you can't find something to celebrate when life is hard, you're training your brain that joy is conditional, that you only get to feel good when circumstances

Starting point is 00:05:38 are good. But when you celebrate, even when things are falling apart, you're telling your brain, we are okay. We're still winning. We're still moving forward. And then, That changes everything. Celebrate that you have the resources to handle the tax mess, just like I'm doing. Celebrate that you're doing original enough work that people want to copy it. Celebrate that you woke up today and you're healthy and you have people who love you. These aren't huge things, but they actually are and they're real and they do matter. When I was building ready for love from nothing, my business wasn't exactly where I wanted it to be. And even in the setbacks, I was still celebrating because I was.

Starting point is 00:06:19 was expanding myself, I was growing, I knew I was learning incredible lessons about how to operate a big company and a big business. The old me wasn't ready for that yet. So when things were falling apart, when things were stagnating, when things weren't going the way I wanted them to, that is when I needed to celebrate even more to build myself, build my resilience, build my mindset. Here's the neuroscience. Celebration releases dopamine and dopamine reinforces behavior. So when you celebrate small wins, even in the middle of chaos, you're training your brain to look for more things to celebrate and you become someone who find joy regardless of circumstances. You feel that?

Starting point is 00:07:03 That is magnetic and people want to be around people who aren't defeated by life, who aren't waiting for everything to be perfect before they allow themselves to feel good. So every day, find one thing, just one thing and celebrate it out loud with intention. I'm celebrating that I showed up today even though I didn't feel like it. I'm celebrating that I set a boundary even though it was uncomfortable. That practice will change your entire life, I promise. Habit number three, pause before you say or do anything. One breath, that's it. So before you send the email, before you respond to the text, before you say yes, before you snap at your kids, before you make the decision, pause. Take one breath. Some of my

Starting point is 00:07:49 my best moments have happened when I've done the pause. Maybe you can relate to this example. Have you ever gotten an email that pissed you off or upset you? Has there ever been a situation where somebody said something or did something that really, really upset you? And you start typing away on your email and you're replying and you're writing with fury and rage and all of it's coming out. And it feels really good to get it out.

Starting point is 00:08:13 But when you pause and you don't send it and you just wait and you take a breath, Sometimes you end up hitting delete, delete, delete, delete, delete, and you send a one sentence reply. Or you don't reply at all. That pause allows you to gather your wits about you. Some of my most proud moments have happened when I got an upsetting email, hit reply, and started typing with fury. The words were spicy and the tone was nuclear. But I didn't send it. I paused and I let it sit. and instead I was able to send a one-liner or I sent nothing at all. And it was so much better. I had my wits about me because I allowed my emotions to calm.

Starting point is 00:08:58 I felt the initial wave of injustice or outrage or righteousness flow through me. But then because that pause gave my nervous system time to regulate and my prefrontal cortex, the rational part of my brain, to catch up with my amygdala, which is in fight or flight mode, I was able to respond as my best self. So here's what happens when you react immediately. You're operating from your emotional brain, the part that wants to defend, to prove, to win, to be right.

Starting point is 00:09:30 But that part doesn't always make good decisions. It makes reactive decisions, ones that you often regret. The pause changes everything. It creates space between the thing that happened, the stimulus and your response. and in that space is where your power lives. And this applies to everyone. Someone says something that pisses you off.

Starting point is 00:09:54 Pause before you respond. You're about to say yes to something you don't really want to do. Pause before you commit. You're spiraling about a situation. Pause before you start catastrophizing. You're about to eat your feelings because you had a really bad day. Pause before you reach for the food. You want to text him, even though you know you should.

Starting point is 00:10:16 pause before you send it. That one breath gives you choice and choice is power. So here's the neuroscience. When you pause and take a deep breath, you activate your parasympathetic nervous system, the part that calms you down. You literally shift your brain out of reactive mode and into responsive mode. You move from being controlled by your emotions to being able to respond with intention. The people who can pause before reacting are the ones who command respect because they're not controlled by their emotions. They're not impulsive. They're measured. They're intentional and they're able to honor their true self. They're the people who don't burn bridges, who don't say things they can't take back, who don't make decisions they regret. So here's

Starting point is 00:11:03 the micro habit. Before you send the text, before you say the thing, before you make the decision, just pause, just one breath. That's it. Count to three if you feel you need it. Maybe even let the email sit overnight. Feel your feet on the ground, let the emotion move through you instead of letting it move you. This is not a dramatic life overhaul, but it is a small upgrade that makes your everyday life feel better. I'm talking about socks. If you know me, you know I love being cozy. The plush lounge socks from cozy earth are exactly what I want with loungeware. They're soft, comfortable and cozy without being too hot. They just make being at home feel better. And their essential socks are what I wear when I'm playing pickleball or out running around. They're comfortable,

Starting point is 00:11:47 they stay in place and I don't have to think about them. I'm pretty small and I really appreciate that Cozy Earth offers an actual small sock size option. No more one size fits all that actually doesn't fit. It's simple, but when what you're wearing feels this good, it subtly changes how your whole day feels. Head to CozyEarth.com and use my code Ready for Love for up to 20% off. That's Ready for Love at cozy earth.com and use my code ready for love for up to 20% off. And if you get a post-purch survey, be sure to mention you heard about cozy earth from me. Habit number four, instead of doing something you always do, delegate it. That's right, I said it. Don't do it. Delegate it. Give it to your kid, your partner, your mom, your neighbor, your friend. Instead of taking it all on like you

Starting point is 00:12:38 always do, just allow someone else to help. This is about receiving. It's about inviting people to support you. This is about asking for help instead of martyring yourself. Most high-achieving women, suck at this. You're so used to being the one who handles everything, the one who gets it done, the one who everyone depends on. But here's what that costs you. Your time, your energy, your peace of mind, your self-worth. It trains everyone around you. that you don't need help, that you've got it all handled, that they don't need to step up because you'll do it anyway. So here's the micro habit. The next time you're about to do something that you always do, ask yourself this question. Does this actually need to be me? Or could someone else do this?

Starting point is 00:13:28 Your kid can make their own lunch. Your partner can grocery shop. Your mom can handle the holiday planning. And here's the really powerful part. If someone offers to help, say yes. Don't brush it off. Don't say, oh, I got it. Don't minimize your needs. Just say yes. That would be great. Thank you. Because when you let people help you, you're doing two things. First, you are freeing up your own energy for things that actually matter, things that only you can do, things that light you up instead of things that drain you. and second, you're allowing other people to contribute, to feel useful, to be in a relationship with you that is reciprocal. Receivership is a skill, and most women suck at it. So you're used to giving and doing and handling everything that you've maybe forgotten how to receive. But receiving isn't a

Starting point is 00:14:22 weakness. It is a strength. It says, I'm worthy of support. I don't have to do everything alone on my own. other people to show up for me. When you start practicing this, when you start delegating and when you start asking for help, and when you start saying yes, when people offer, you will notice something shift. You'll have more energy, more time, more space to actually enjoy your life instead of just managing everything all the time. So start small. Pick one thing that you always do and delegate it this week. Habit number five. This is fun. If you're a no person, say yes. And if you're a yes person, say no. So you're doing the opposite of your default. If you are someone who always says no, who's rigid, controlling, over planned, risk averse, start saying yes. And if you're someone

Starting point is 00:15:17 who's always says yes, who's a people please or overcommitted, spread too thin, start saying no. You can always change your mind later if you need to. But the all. automatic knee-jerk reaction is a deeply embedded response, often coming from a place of self-preservation and self-protection, not from a place of being your best self. Thoughtful, empowered, conscious, and intentional. I am super guilty of this. I am in no person with some things and some people, and I know it. It's like I'm being defiantly protective because I didn't do very well at that in the past, and I got walked all over. So if those people, you know, request or suggest something, no matter what it is, I tense up and it's an immediate no. No matter what.

Starting point is 00:16:04 My no can sometimes eventually soften after the fact and become a yes or a yes with conditions. But it would be nice to just say sure or yes because I don't have to be so heavily guarded to protect myself anymore. So here's why this matters. Most of us operate from one extreme or the other. And both extremes keep us stuck. The no people are protecting themselves from risk, from disappointment, from the unknown, from giving over their power. They're playing it safe. They're in control, but they're also missing out on spontaneity, adventure, connection, and growth. The yes people are avoiding conflict, trying not to disappoint others, trying to avoid being seen as difficult, or they just become overly eager and pleasing.

Starting point is 00:16:54 They're accommodating everyone else, but they're also depleting themselves, losing their boundaries, and can really just end up becoming resentful. Neither strategy works long term. So here's the micro-habit. Notice your pattern. Are you a yes person or a no person? And does that change based on specific situations or people? And then deliberately do the opposite. Not all the time. Just do it once and see how it feels. If you always say yes the next time someone asks you for something and your gut says, I don't want to do it, say no. Just practice it. I can't make that work. That doesn't work for me.

Starting point is 00:17:33 No, thank you. You don't need to explain or justify. It's just no. If you always say no, the next time an opportunity comes up that scares you a little, an invitation, a trip, a new experience that makes you out of, puts you out of your comfort zone, say yes. especially if it puts you out of your comfort zone. Take that as a challenge. Here's what happens. For the yes people, you start reclaiming your time, your energy, your life. You stop living for everyone else's approval and start living for yourself and people will respect you more, not less. You stop saying yes to things that drain you and start protecting your energy for what

Starting point is 00:18:09 really matters to you. For the no people, you start opening yourself up to possibilities you would have missed. Become more flexible, easy breezy, easy, going more spontaneous and more alive. And you realize that not everything needs to be controlled. This builds discernment, which is the ability to make choices based on you what you actually want, not based on fear, obligation, or self-protection. Habit number six, talk to people everywhere you go. The barista, the person at the gym next to you, the woman in line at the grocery store, the guy walking his dog at the dog park. Most people walk through life in their own bubble. headphones in, eyes down, scrolling on their phone, avoiding interaction. But when you have your chin

Starting point is 00:18:55 up and you make eye contact and you engage with people, even briefly, you do two things. You practice being seen and you gift others a moment of being seen by you. Here's what women don't understand. Your attention is powerful. You think you don't matter that much, that your eyes, your ears, your presence isn't that significant. But it is. You. You don't. You know, You are way more powerful than you know. Just accept that that is true. When you notice someone, when you make eye contact, when you offer a genuine compliment, you're giving them something most people are starved for.

Starting point is 00:19:33 It's not about being performative or overly chatty. It's about being present. Compliment the woman's earrings. Ask the guy at the coffee shop how his day's going. Say that color looks amazing on you. You have a great smile. Just be real, be kind, be curious, be authentic. When you do this, you feel more alive.

Starting point is 00:19:56 It builds your own confidence. You're more connected. And honestly, the world needs a whole lot more of that right about now. More connection, more humanity, more people willing to look up from their phones and see each other. So practice every single day, one small interaction. It just takes a few seconds. but you will see it really elevates your energy and your vibe and you just feel like you're operating at a higher level. And you are. And number seven, this is going to sound a little woo to

Starting point is 00:20:28 some of you, but it's not. It is actually science and I promise if you don't already do this, it will change your life in the best possible way. Visualization. Here's what it is. You close your eyes and imagine yourself doing something in the future and doing it exactly as you want to be doing it. That's it. You see yourself succeeding, you see yourself showing up the way you want to show up, you see yourself living as that future version of you, even if that future is five minutes from now. And here's why this works. When you visualize something, your brain can't tell the difference between what you're imagining and what's actually happening. It trains your brain to accept this version of you as normal. It becomes familiar. It becomes real. Athletes have been using visualization for decades.

Starting point is 00:21:22 Olympians visualize their performances before they compete. They see themselves executing perfectly. And when they actually perform, their bodies know what to do because their brains have already practiced it and lived it. This is how you grow yourself into the woman you want to become, the CEO, the leader, the confident woman who walks into rooms and turns heads. You become her first in your mind. Close your eyes and see yourself running a business at that level. See yourself on stage speaking to hundreds of people and doing it with calm and confidence. See yourself leading a team.

Starting point is 00:22:02 See yourself living the life that you want. And over time, your brain starts accepting that to be the normal version of you. It becomes familiar. Then it becomes real in real life. This works for everything. Even something as simple as pickleball for me. I sit in the car before I go inside or get on the court and I close my eyes and I see myself playing. I see myself moving athletically, hitting dynamic shots, being that superstar version of myself, even if I'm not really like that in real life. It's that future desired version of me that I want to be. When I don't visualize beforehand, I can still perform pretty well, but it takes longer to warm up and I mess up a lot before I find my groove. But when I take just a few minutes to visualize

Starting point is 00:22:50 before I play, I walk onto the court already in that energy. My body knows what to do because my brain has already practiced it. So here's how to do this. Every morning, take three to five minutes. That's all it takes. Close your eyes and see yourself in a situation where you want to show up differently. Maybe it's a difficult conversation that you need to have. Visualize yourself staying calm, speaking clearly, and holding a boundary. Maybe it's a date. Visualize yourself relaxed and confident and being yourself without performing or overthinking. Maybe it's a work presentation. Visualize yourself commanding the room, speaking with authority and owning your expertise. Maybe it's just how you want to live every day. Visualize yourself moving through your day with ease

Starting point is 00:23:36 and confidence and joy. The key is to be specific. Don't just think about it vaguely. Feel it in your body. The sensations, the details, the sounds, what are you wearing? What are you noticing? What are you smelling? How are you feeling? How are you moving? Make it real in your mind because here's what happens. When you actually step into that situation, your brain recognizes it. It's not new. It's not scary. It's familiar because you've already done it in your mind. So your body, just knows what to do. And you can show up as that version of yourself without having to force it or fake it. This isn't woo, everybody. It is neuroscience. It's mental rehearsal. This is how you train your brain to believe that the woman you're becoming is already who you are. So every morning

Starting point is 00:24:25 or right before an activity where you want to show up at your best, just take a few minutes and try it. So I know you don't need a complete life overhaul. Your life is already pretty darn good. But it can be extraordinary. And these seven micro habits will bridge the gap between good and extraordinary. I promise. And you don't need to do all seven of them. Just pick one or two or three and start today, one microaction at a time. Thanks for listening.

Starting point is 00:24:52 Make sure that you're subscribed to us on YouTube so that you can always leave your comments for the episodes. And I'll see you next time.

The Hilary Silver Podcast - #110: 7 Micro Habits That Will Change Your Life

There aren't comments yet for this episode. Click on any sentence in the transcript to leave a comment.