The Hilary Silver Podcast - 3 Reasons You Ignore Red Flags

Episode Date: July 18, 2025

You saw the red flags. You felt the gut punch. And still, you stayed. If you’ve ever looked back on a relationship and thought, “How did I miss that?”, this episode is for you. Hilary breaks down why smart, high-achieving women override their instincts—not because they’re clueless, but because they want love so badly they talk themselves out of what they already know. The chemistry was strong. The checklist looked good. And he did have potential. So you minimized, rationalized, and convinced yourself it wasn’t that bad… until it was.   Episode Highlights: What happens when logic wins out over emotion (and why that’s not always a good thing) The quiet ways high-functioning women betray themselves in love How “I see the good in people” becomes a self-sabotaging mantra Why your discomfort is more trustworthy than you think The link between intuition and emotional fluency How to stop brushing off the ick and start paying attention to it   Episode Breakdown: 00:00 Recognizing Relationship Red Flags 02:29 Reason 1: Desire for the Ideal Relationship 04:15 Reason 2: Disconnection from Emotions 06:05 Reason 3: Seeing Only the Good in People 08:09 Understanding and Trusting Yourself 09:23 Finding the Sweet Spot in Relationships   Whether you're single and hopeful or already in a relationship, this conversation will challenge how you listen to your instincts, manage discomfort, and define what “being a good person” actually means. Ready to stop turning the wrong man into the right one? Start by learning how to trust yourself again. Watch Hilary’s free masterclass for high-achieving women who are done ignoring red flags and ready to choose differently.  👇 Get it Now! 🔗 Free Masterclass for Single Women → http://hilarysilver.com/masterclass 🔗 Ready for More Membership Waitlist → https://hilarysilver.com/waitlist/  

Have you ever found yourself in the fallout of a relationship that crashed and burned and thought, I knew it, I just knew something wasn't right. And the further down the road you get, the clearer it becomes, piecing it all together. It does make perfect sense when the fog clears. I know it's excruciating because you saw the red flags, maybe even the yellow flags too. All the things that you brushed off, explained away, or convinced yourself weren't a big deal. And you went forward anyway, throwing caution to the wind and yourself under the bus. And now it's all glaring you in the face, unmistakable, and you're left with regret, disillusionment, and maybe even the serious consequences of putting yourself and your

life back together. All kicking yourself because you knew better and you just didn't listen. If you've ever asked yourself, why do I keep ignoring the signs? This episode is for you. There are real reasons high-functioning, intelligent women override their own instincts. And today, I'm going to show you exactly why that happens and how to stop doing it. Whether you're single and dating or in a relationship, this episode is for you because what I'm sharing can be applied to all relationships and all life situations too. Hi, it's Hillary. Welcome to the Hillary Silver Podcast. Hi, it's Hillary. Welcome to the Hillary Silver podcast.

Thanks for tuning into the conversation. If you're new here, I'm Hillary Silver, former clinical therapist turned master coach. I've been counseling and coaching high performers for 25 years. I'm also the founder of Ready for Love, a company completely dedicated to helping high achieving single women get the love and the life they want by focusing on the relationship that matters most, the one they have with themselves. We are in the midst of an eight week series

I'm calling The Summer of Love. Whether you're single or coupled, I assure you that there will be something for everyone in these episodes because getting anything you want always starts with you. Why you ignore red flags? There are three big reasons, and I'll bet at least one of these will hit home.

The first reason is this. You want what you want so badly that you see what you want to see. So let's be honest, when you really want a relationship to work, you don't wanna see the things that might ruin it. You've got your eye on the prize, the outcome that you desire,

the dream, the potential, the hope. And well, he checks a lot of your boxes. He looks great on paper, you have chemistry, there is more potential here than anything you've experienced in a long time. So you convince yourself that the weird thing he said isn't a big deal, that the moment he was a little dismissive, he was probably just tired, that the thing that didn't add up is just you being overly unfair or sensitive. You're not clueless, but you're selective in what you let yourself see. You minimize, you rationalize, you ignore, you don't want the red flag to be real. Because if it is, that means this whole thing might not work out. And either that hurts just too much,

or you have to start all over again. Or even maybe this is as good as it gets and nothing is perfect, and what if something else better doesn't come along? So yes, this is good enough, we are going forward. But here's the truth that you already know and have learned the hard way Ignoring the flags does not make them go away It only just delays the inevitable and all the heavy consequences

You are trading short-term gain for long-term pain when you fall in love with the idea of the relationship rather than seeing the relationship for what it is. Or you fall in love with the idea of him rather than seeing him for who he really is. You are blinded by the desire for the outcome rather than being present in the journey of creating it. The second reason smart women ignore red flags is because you're disconnected from your emotions.

This one's a little sneaky because you don't even realize it's happening. You get a feeling in your body, an ick, that tightness, a sense of something's off. But instead of pausing and tuning in, you override it, ignore it, minimize it, or you feel it but you don't know what it is and you brush it off, not making the connection between the feeling that you're having and your

body's response to something that you're experiencing. You don't want to feel uncomfortable or anxious or afraid. You don't even know how to sit with that feeling, so you shove it aside. Maybe you grew up in a home where feelings weren't safe or where emotions weren't allowed. It's the, I'll give you something to cry about message. Maybe you were called too sensitive when you were little, or you learned to stay calm and logical to avoid conflict. So now, emotions are like a foreign language

that you never really learned to speak. Or maybe it's as simple as how your brain works. Maybe you're a science-y, math-y kind of woman. Our engineers, CPAs, data analysts, and even doctors can be like this, what pop culture considers being left brain dominant. Whatever the reason, your emotional world is just a little bit underdeveloped.

You're cut off from your emotional self, and you aren't fully connected to your emotional world. But here's the thing. Intuition is a felt sense. It's your spidey senses alerting you to something, even when you don't have a tangible or logical reason for thinking something, but you feel it nonetheless. Not all red flags are bright red. Some are pale shades of pink.

I joke with my clients that also some flags are on fire and you still go forward anyway, which goes back to the last reason, you want what you want so badly, okay? As long as you resist, refuse or repress your feelings, you deny them, turn away from them, remain disconnected from your emotional self, you'll never connect to your intuition. You will not be able to access that internal guidance system. If you don't know how to feel your feelings, or you're not willing to feel your feelings, you'll keep missing the messages that they are trying to send you.

This is something that we teach in the Ready for Love program because it's actually that common of a problem, especially for high-achieving women. And this brings me to the last reason smart women ignore red flags. And I hear this all the time. It's the, I see the good in people. No one's perfect, I don't want to judge anyone. You pride yourself on being kind, compassionate, and non-judgmental. You don't want to write someone off too quickly, so you give him the benefit of the

doubt. Make excuses for what you see like he's going through a hard time. You're understanding, accommodating, and empathic. Maybe you think it's noble to be this way. You were raised to think this makes you a good person. But here's the truth. When you choose to see only the good in someone, you aren't seeing them for all of who they are. You are seeing what you want to see rather than seeing the whole picture.

You see their potential and ignore their problems or their patterns. So you overlook the things that should make you walk away, that is not compassionate and that is not generous. That's self-betrayal, and it's definitely not noble. We are all more than our best parts. That's what makes us dynamic and human. You need to see all the parts so you can discern whether this person with all of their parts is a fit for you. So let's pull this all together. You ignore red

flags because you're human, because you want love, because you don't want to feel pain, you don't want to start over, you don't want to be single, you want love, because no one taught you how to trust your instincts. But here's the bottom line. Your relationships are a mirror. If ignoring red flags is a pattern for you, then the work isn't about them and all the things they are doing or not doing. It's about you.

And you have to get honest about where you don't trust your own feelings, where you silence your voice, where you've abandoned yourself in the pursuit of being loved and in the name of being a good person. You have to learn to trust yourself, to listen to what your emotions are trying to tell you, and to see people clearly without projecting your hopes onto them. It's not always easy to shift out of this mode because likely you've been doing this a very long

time and it's so deeply embedded and even so subtle this mode because likely you've been doing this a very long time and it's so deeply embedded and even so subtle, you may not even know you're doing it. And what we don't want is for you to do a 180 and start looking for the red flags because you're trying to avoid them. That doesn't work either because we get what we expect. There is a sweet spot in the middle

where you are wise and smart and savvy and you trust yourself without being hypervigilant and pushing people away too soon for the wrong reasons. If you're tired of ignoring red flags and getting burned, and if you're ready to show up grounded and confident and emotionally attuned to yourself so you can finally choose the right man instead of trying to turn the wrong one into the right one, watch my free masterclass. It's designed specifically for high-achieving women who have everything but love and are ready to change that.

The link is in the description. I will see you there.