The Hilary Silver Podcast - #82: If You think Men are Intimidated by You, Listen to This!

Episode Date: September 19, 2025

If you’ve ever blamed your single status on men being “intimidated,” it’s time for a reality check. That story might feel good at the moment, but it’s keeping you from the very connection you want. In this episode, Hilary calls BS on the idea that your success is the reason love hasn’t worked out. With 25 years of experience coaching powerhouse women, she breaks down what’s really going on when you hear that “intimidating” feedback. Spoiler: it’s less about men being scared and more about the energy you’re putting out. Hilary shows how many women hide their softer, more vulnerable sides behind achievements, creating a vibe that feels aloof or unapproachable. The good news? You don’t have to shrink your brilliance to find love—you just need to integrate the strong and the soft so you can be powerful and open.   Episode Highlights: Why “men are intimidated by me” is a story that keeps women stuck What’s really happening when you hear that feedback on dates How success can become a shield that hides your softer side The vibe that comes across as guarded or unapproachable Why you don’t need to shrink your achievements to attract love The key to integrating strength and vulnerability so connection can grow   Episode Breakdown: 00:00 The “Men Are Intimidated by Me” Myth 01:50 Why Mainstream Advice on Intimidation Misses the Point 03:57 The Tootsie Pop Analogy: Tough Exterior, Soft Inside 04:29 Hiding Behind Success and Achievements 05:41 How to Integrate Strength and Vulnerability 07:15 Breaking Free and Inviting Love In   If you’re tired of hiding behind your résumé and ready to let love in, this episode is your wake-up call. ✨ I’m Hilary Silver, LCSW, former psychotherapist turned master coach and founder of Ready for Love. I help high-achieving women show up in love as confidently as they do in their careers. 💡 Through this podcast, I share my WOMAN-centered, SELF-centered approach—time-tested methods that blend psychology, brain science, relationship skills, and no-BS dating advice. 🎙️ Since 2017, we’ve helped over 10,000 women with a 98% success rate, making Ready for Love the #1 program in the world for women who’ve tried everything else. 🎯 Watch my free masterclass to learn the proven 4-step Ready for Love Method: https://readyforloveinc.com/masterclass

Let's talk about the whole men are intimidated by me thing. It's a narrative that high achieving women have accepted as true. Well, and that's probably because you hear it all the time from your closest friends and confidants and you tell yourself this. And so now it's become the number one reason or excuse for why you are having trouble finding love. But I am not going to let you get away with believing this because it is simply not true. And holding on to it will only keep you stuck.

So whether you're single or in a relationship, this is an important conversation because I'm going to set the record straight and help you understand what is really going on for women when the story is that men are intimidated by me. Hi, it's Hillary. Welcome to the Ready for Love podcast. Thanks for tuning into the conversation today. If you haven't already, it would mean so much to me. If you'd take a minute to just click that five-star rating on your podcast app, leave a

review and subscribe so you never miss one of my episodes. And if you're enjoying this podcast, please consider sharing it with a friend because if you like it, they will probably like it too. Okay, so mainstream chatter and conventional advice will say, well, if a man is intimidated by you, then he's weaker and secure. It's his problem. You go girl. You keep being a badass. You do you. And at first, maybe you dismissed it. That can't be true. I'm not intimidating. I'm so open and loving. And then maybe the thought settled in and you accepted this version of the story and you took the bait and began to tell yourself, yeah, that is their problem. Maybe even taking pride in it because, duh, look at all you've accomplished. You're a catch. But here's the first thing I want

you to know. This is a story you are telling yourself to make yourself feel better because maybe you feel rejected. Maybe you're not getting asked out. Maybe you're not getting picked. Maybe you're getting passed over. You're out with friends and you look amazing and put together but no one approaches you. Or you go on a great first date, but then you don't get a second. So it's a sore spot and it hurts, especially when you know in your rational mind that you are amazing and you are a big softie and you have a lot of love to give. So this men are intimidated by me just softens the blow that maybe there is something going on with you. But it's not what you think. And the answer is definitely not to dumb yourself down or make yourself smaller to make someone else more comfortable.

Women have literally asked me, should I go get a simple car that I can use to drive to dates? Should I lie about my job? Should I pretend I don't make good money? Should I not wear designer clothes? What should I do? I don't want to pretend that I'm not successful. I just want to be who I am. And of course, that is exactly what I want you to do. Be who you are. But here's the next thing I want you to know, and the bottom line up front here, if one man says he's intimidated by you, fine, maybe he is weak and insecure. But when you get the same feedback from more than one man or from more than one person in your life, and if you also happen to hear it in other areas of your life, not just your love life, it is a pattern. And that means you are the common denominator.

So here is what is really going on with this whole intimidating thing. Remember when we were little, And there was that cute little commercial, how many licks does it take to get to the center of the Tutsi roll Tutsi pop? That's you, my dear. You are a Tutsi pop, hard candy shell on the outside, sweetness on the inside. Or imagine a sea urchin, prickly on the outside, even though you're nothing but goo on the inside. So you say you want to love and be loved, but it's really scary. And there is a lot to fear letting someone close when you don't love and value yourself

enough. So this is you hiding behind your resume, your accomplishments, and your success and achievements, all the things that you're proud of creating for yourself, the things that make you feel good enough or worthy or smart enough. You're hiding the lingering deep down wounded parts of you that still don't feel good enough just as you are. The parts of you that are soft and the parts of you that want to be chosen, the part that's afraid of rejection or being too much or not enough. because without all of the trophies on your mantle or the certificates on the wall or the letters behind your name or the dollars in the bank, you're nothing but a little girl who wants so desperately to be loved. And for high achievers, all the success represents a part of your life

where you feel good about yourself and where you feel significant and smart and intelligent and capable and competent. So you're not just hiding behind all of this. You're leading with it. And the blind spot here is that you come off fierce, aloof, unapproachable, and guarded. And this is an energy and a vibe for sure. So it's not that men are intimidated by you. It's that they feel this wall or this front that you're putting up. And it's off-putting, not intimidating. So here's the thing.

You can be a badass all day long, gorgeous, educated, successful, wealthy, all the things, and still be down to earth, relatable, open, approach. but the work is in integrating all the parts of you. Ready for Love specializes in high achieving women, hyperachieving women, overachieving women. Our coaching program is for the most elite and extraordinary women on the planet like neurosurgeons and aerospace engineers and founders of multi-billion dollar global companies. These are women who would be intimidating. And to top it off, most of them are totally self-made. Coming from nothing in terms of family money or support and even sometimes a lot of trauma too. So they are truly remarkable and impressive

women. They learn how to have all of that be their story and also be free and fearless and open to letting love in, to being seen and receiving the love that they want. Getting the love and anything that you want in your life always starts with you. We are all always the biggest problem in our own lives when we are stuck not getting something that we want. And that is the best thing that I can tell you. Because if you're the problem, then you are also the solution. If you're willing to look within, you can have anything that you want. It just starts with you. So thanks for being here and listening to my tough love today. If you are getting this feedback that you are intimidating to men or men are intimidated by you, I really just encourage you to look within.

and how are you hiding behind your accomplishments and achievements? What is it that you're putting out there? Because I promise you, it's less about them being intimidated by you and more about them being put off by you. And you have to be willing to show up letting the love in, letting the attention in, letting your wall down to be seen the way that you truly want to be seen in this life. So again, thanks for being here.

Make sure to subscribe and please share this with any woman who needs to hear what I'm saying. And if you're ready to get out of your own way and let love in, Apply to speak with my team at ready for loveink.com forward slash apply. See you next time.