The Hilary Silver Podcast - #98: 5 Principles That Help Me Stay Super Fit

Episode Date: January 9, 2026

Staying fit and confident as you age has NOTHING to do with discipline or rules and everything to do with how devoted you are to yourself. Most fitness advice for women over 40 is exhausting. Push harder. Try again. Do more. Hilary says what a lot of women are already feeling but rarely hear out loud. That approach is not making you stronger. It is just making you tired. And it is definitely not building confidence. In this episode, Hilary shares the five principles that help her stay super fit without punishing her body or living by rigid rules. The conversation goes straight to the pattern underneath it all. Treating your body like a project that needs fixing. Handing your power to experts. Following rules that stop working and then blaming yourself when they fail. What if your body actually knows what it needs? What if consistency came from enjoying what you are doing instead of forcing it? This is not about food plans or workout schedules. It is about putting yourself back on your own list. When you stop making yourself optional, things shift. Your energy changes. Your body responds. You start to feel more like yourself again! Episode Highlights: Why pushing harder is not the answer The mindset shift that makes fitness stick Letting go of rules and trusting your body Choosing movement that actually feels good What changes when you make yourself the priority Episode Breakdown: 00:00 Why “Discipline” Stops Working for Women as They Age 07:19 The Shift From Self-Discipline to Self-Devotion 10:39 Stop Following Fitness Rules and Trust Your Body 12:32 Making Movement Enjoyable 15:17 Making Yourself the Priority Changes Everything ✨ I’m Hilary Silver, LCSW, former psychotherapist turned master coach and founder of Ready for Love. I help high-achieving women show up in love as confidently as they do in their careers. 💡 Through this podcast, I share my WOMAN-centered, SELF-centered approach—time-tested methods that blend psychology, brain science, relationship skills, and no-BS dating advice. 🎙️ Since 2017, we’ve helped over 10,000 women with a 98% success rate, making Ready for Love the #1 program in the world for women who’ve tried everything else. ✨ Ready to stop repeating the same patterns and finally create the love you deserve?  🎯 Watch my free masterclass to learn the proven 4-step Ready for Love Method: https://readyforloveinc.com/masterclass 💬 Apply for a free Love Breakthrough Call with my team: https://readyforloveinc.com/apply AirDoctor: The Trusted Air Purifier for a Healthier Home Use Promo Code: READY Up to $300 off + Free 3-Year Warranty Exclusive Podcast Offer Self-Centered Bundle: Built to Support the Real You Three intentional programs that work better together, plus The Daily Journal. Find it at readyforloveinc.com Cozy Earth: Make Rest a Habit You Look Forward To Up to 20% off + 100-Night Sleep Trial & 10-Year WarrantyUse code READYFORLOVE at CozyEarth.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

The new year can bring out all the hope and possibility in all of us and all of our best of intentions. And if you're like millions of women working so hard to stay in shape as you get older, navigating your relationship with your ever-changing body, trying to stay fit, and doing all that you can and accepting what you can't, this episode is for you. Today we are ditching the resolutions and we are starting a revolution. I'm sharing my five principles that help. me stay super fit so that you can look and feel amazing too. And make sure to stay till the very end

because I have a powerful and inspirational message that you won't want to miss. Hi, it's Hillary. Welcome to the Ready for Love podcast. I get asked all the time, what do you do to stay in such great shape? What do you eat? What don't you eat? How do you work out? What's your secret? And as you know, I am not a fitness influencer. I'm not a personal trainer. I'm not a nutritionist and I'm not an MD. That means that we're not today going to be talking about macros, protein, calories, cardio, none of that. I'm an expert on mindset and psychology and relationships, especially the relationship that you have with yourself, which of course, in my opinion, is everything when it comes to being happy, getting what we want, and making the most of this life.

At 53, I'm in the best shape of my life and I feel more confident and sexy in my body than I ever have. I live by these five principles when it comes to fitness, working out, and taking care of myself, allowing me to look the way that I want, but without all the confusion and the burden and the heaviness that comes when you're following what all the latest trending gurus are saying. Just last week, I was at an pickleball open play session. And when I told the other three women, how old I was, their reactions were hilarious. One literally said, shut the fuck up. And the other one said, fuck you. And then she said, I'll have what you're having. So I'm excited to share this with you today. Principle number one is to shift from self-discipline to self-devotion. This is the

foundation and everything builds from here. All during my 30s and 40s, I was doing high intensity interval training. Orange Theory, sprinting my ass off, running long distances, all just to see how far I could go and how fast I could go. Hit workouts. Getting my heart rate. so high and basically it felt like I was killing myself. And that all worked for me until it didn't. Because around 45-ish, those same workouts were not working for me anymore. I started to feel depleted instead of energized. And it was taking me longer to recover. My body was hurting, not from muscle soreness necessarily, but just an overall hurt and an ache. I couldn't rehydrate as quickly. And I was just starting to feel bloated.

like I was stressing my body and having like this cortisol reaction in my body from all the stress. But I kept pushing because that's what I thought I was supposed to be doing until one day I just stopped and paused and I just listened to myself. I tuned into the conversation that I was having with myself in my mind and what I heard was actually just so very sad. I was talking to myself like I was my own opponent, competition with myself. I was being so hard on myself. punitive and conditional. I realized I was pushing myself so hard in approaching my fitness from this place of needing to prove something, to prove I could do it, to prove I could handle it, to prove I was just the absolute best at what I was doing, that I was a badass. And I wasn't necessarily trying to prove it to

anyone else. I was trying to prove it to myself, which of course led me to wonder where this comes from. And of course, doing what I do, I was able to trace this all the way back to being the last picked in gym class always. Little Hillary was just so little. And at the time, I just didn't have any confidence in my athletic abilities at all. For most of my life, I actually never saw myself as athletic, which is ridiculous to see me now. And as you can see, that's just not very kind and loving and accepting of myself.

But all that old stuff was still there deep down. influencing me and driving this hardcore approach to working out. My self-discipline approach was punishing, withholding, restricting, harsh, and not self-loving at all. I just kind of woke up to it and decided, I'm done with that. I do not want to treat myself like that. That is not the kind of relationship that I want to have with myself at all. So I stopped completely. I literally quit Orange Theory that same day. I stopped all the hit workouts and all that. hard stuff. I stopped sprinting and running hard and fast and long. And instead, I shifted into self-devotion mode, which even just sounds better, right? It's kind and gentle and accepting

and loving and affirming. Everything that I do, not just in working out, but in all things, is because I'm totally completely devoted to myself, my own happiness and my own well-being. I have my own best interest in mind when I'm making decisions. So now, when I work out, I do what feels good to me. Not because I have to, not because I'm punishing myself or proving anything. I go to the gym because I love to spend the time there with myself. I love how I feel when I'm moving my body. I love connecting with myself.

If I want to lift weights, I do. If I want to walk, I do. If I want to play pickleball for three hours, I play. I'm not doing it because I have to. I'm not punishing myself for what I ate yesterday or proving anything anymore. And now all of my movements energize me. They make me feel strong and capable and alive. Do you feel the difference?

One is burden and punishment and I have to or else like recrimination. The other is love. It's devotion. It's I get to. And that shift from discipline to devotion just changed everything for me. It's like I just completely let go of the need to be hardcore. And it's not just changing how I look. It's how I feel in my body, how I show up in my life. So if you're working on anything this year, but especially health and fitness goals, because women could be so damn critical

and hard on ourselves, start here. Start with this. Ask yourself, am I doing this because I love myself or because I don't. It's a strange thing that in order to make real lasting change, you have to first love and accept yourself as you are and then everything that you do for improvement will actually work. Let me say that again. You have to love and accept yourself as you are first, then gently, lovingly work on growing and improving. Your self-love is not conditional on making that change. I care deeply about what goes into my body, what I eat, what I drink, and that includes the quality of the air in my home. Most people don't realize we spend about 90% of our time indoors,

and the air inside can be up to 100 times more polluted than the air outside. That's why I use air doctor, the air purifier I trust, to help me create a healthier home for myself and my family. It removes 99.99% of dangerous contaminants, allergies, mold, spores, smoke, even viruses. Newsweek named it the best air purifier, and 98% of air doctor customers agree their air feels cleaner, safer, and healthier too. It even captures particles 100 times smaller than standard hepa filters. If you're ready to breathe easier and create a healthier home for you and your family, get this exclusive podcast-only offer now at air doctorpro.com and use the promo code ready for up to

$300 off. You'll get a 30-day money-back guarantee and a three-year warranty for free. That's airdoctorpro.com promo code ready because clean air is one of the best gifts you can give yourself and your family. One of the simplest ways to take better care of yourself is sleep, not just getting more hours, but creating a you genuinely want to get into. When your bed is beautiful and comfortable, better rest becomes an easy habit. Everyone in my family sleeps on cozy earth sheets now. They are incredibly soft, they feel luxurious, and getting into bed at night genuinely feels like a small luxury you get to enjoy every single day. I love how cozy earth makes rest feel inviting. Bedtime stops becoming something you put off and starts becoming something you look forward to. And that makes a real difference over time.

January is a wonderful time to reset your sleep and start the year feeling more rested and renewed. Cozy Earth makes it easy to try their betting with a 100-night sleep trial and a 10-year warranty. If you want to start the year feeling supported by better rest, go to cozyearth.com and use my code ready for love for up to 20% off. That's CozyEarth.com and use the code ready for love. And if you get a post-purched survey, be sure to mention you heard Cozy Earth right here from me. One of the most empowering things you can do is be intentional about where your money goes. And paying for things simply because we always have is not intentional. A lot of people assume that spending less on wireless means settling for less, and that's simply not true.

Mint Mobile offers unlimited plans with high-speed data and unlimited talk and text, delivered on the nation's largest 5G network. It's built for people who want dependable service without overpaying. You can use your own phone, keep your own number, and choose a three, six, or 12-month plan, which makes your costs predictable and often much lower than traditional carriers. If you want to stop overspending in places that don't really matter and redirect that money toward what actually enriches your life, this is a smart option to consider. This January quit overspending on wireless with 50% off unlimited premium wireless.

Plan start at $15 a month at mintmobile.com slash ready for love. That's mintmobile.com slash ready for love. Limited time offer, upfront payment of $45 for a three-month plan, $90 for a six-month plan, or $180 for a 12-month plan required. Taxes and fees extra, initial plan term only. Speeds may slow after 50 gigabytes when the network is busy. Capable device required, availability, speed, and coverage vary. See mintmobile.com. Principle number two. Listen to yourself, not the experts. The fitness industry is full of rules and a lot of them are complete bullshit. Literally, do 11 push-ups. Have you heard that? For fuck's sake,

11, why not 10 or 15? What is it about 11 that is just so dumb? Walk 10,000 steps every day. Eat your body weight in protein or is it half your body weight? Who can keep up? Do cardio every day. Lift heavy. And here's the thing. The gurus will get mad at me for saying this, but I don't care. Let all that go. I don't track my steps. I don't even walk anymore just because I have to walk. I don't have time now. I've become a pickleball addict like everyone else who starts to play and I play about 10 or more hours a week. So I don't have time for that. I walk when I feel like going for a walk because it's nice out or I want to just enjoy myself. I don't count my macros. I don't eat my body weight in protein because I just don't even eat that much in a day. I've tried all of it.

Keto, paleo, intermittent fasting, measuring whether I'm in fat burning mode with that little device that you blow into. And all this did was make me feel overwhelmed and confused and there were so many rules to follow and like I was always doing it wrong. So I stopped. I threw it all away and I started listening to myself instead. I am my own guru. You are yours because no one knows you or your body as well as you do. What does my body need today? What feels good for me? What do I actually want to eat? And here's what I figured out. I eat when I'm hungry, not when I'm supposed to or at a specific time after a certain amount of time has gone by. I don't follow a meal plan. I just know that I'm supposed to be eating whole healthy foods that include fiber and protein. That's it. I don't restrict

food groups. I eat bread and pasta and rice and cake. I love cake. Carbs are not the enemy. I follow the most things in moderation, not all things, most things in moderation, including alcohol, which I know is really hard for some of you, but it's true. I just don't drink very much. and I just think that's healthy for all of us. And that's actually not very hard for me because food is definitely more my thing. So for me, as long as I'm not overeating, I'm good. It's easy to overeat or, again, for some of you, over imbibe if alcohol is more your thing, when I'm not mindful or when I'm not paying attention or when something just tastes so good.

But remember, self-devotion means I do all things from my own best interest. and that means being very intentional about my yeses and knows what I say yes to for myself and what I say no to. So tune out all the trendy rules and make your own soft rules, which are more like bumpers or guardrails just to keep you on track. The truth is, we all know what we need to do, don't we? It does not have to be so damn complicated. It's just a matter of whether you're going to do it or not. So stop outsourcing your body wisdom. break all the rules, make your own rules, and then break your own rules when they don't serve you

anymore. Just trust yourself to know what is best for you. Principle number three, move every day. I know it sounds like a rule, but it's not. It's just a way of living. And the experts might say you need rest days, but here's the thing. You only need rest days if you're overworking or traumatizing your body like I was. If you're lifting such heavy weights that your muscles are achy and sore, they will need time to repair. Yes, you would need rest. And if you're doing such intense cardio workouts that your body is depleted, yes, you probably need rest. But if you're moving in a way that's kindler and gentler to your body, you can move every single day. Moving every day is just a habit for me. Something I do without thinking about it. And again, it's not a rule. It's a way of life.

Like waking up and having coffee or brushing your teeth. It's just something you do by habit without thinking about it. I work out every single day. There is no question in my mind. It's not an if I can fit it in. It's just, what will it be today? But I don't have a set routine. I don't do arm day, leg day, rest days. I don't write down my reps in a notebook. I just show up every morning and do what I feel like doing. What part of my body needs attention today? What movement will make me happy and make me feel strong today. Mostly it's weights, but sometimes it is a walk. Sometimes it's Tracy Anderson. I love her workouts. Some days it's just playing pickleball. Some days it's just stretching. These days, I'm moving in a way that just feels good for me, that energizes me and helps me connect to myself. Now, if my body tells me

I'm tired, if I'm genuinely exhausted, I listen and I rest. And I don't feel bad about it. But it's not because I have to have a rest day, because I'm not forcing myself to do things that deplete me. So make it automatic, make it non-negotiable, not because you have to, but because you get to. It's an act of love, and this is just who you are now. So what will it be today? What do you feel like doing today? Principle number four, make it enjoyable. Here's the truth. If you hate your workouts or this activity that you're doing, you're not going to stick to it. I don't care how devoted you are, you're not going to do something that you loathe for very long because forcing yourself isn't loving, right? So you have to make it enjoyable or just don't do it. Find something

else to do. Here are a few ways to make your daily movement more enjoyable. First, variety. As I've been saying, I do something different every day. I mix it up and I do what I'm in the mood for. This helps me never be bored because I'm always just keeping it new and different. Second, this is fun. I wear workout clothes that make me feel amazing. I treat my physical activity like any other important part of my day and I get dressed for it, just like you would going to work or going out on a date. I invest in outfits that I look forward to wearing so I feel amazing when I'm doing it all, not for anyone else, but for me. No one sees me when I'm out on a walk and even during COVID when I was working out in the basement no one was seeing me. I did it for myself. Do it for yourself. Do it for

because you look hot in your workout clothes or because you look cute or it's motivating to put on a great outfit rather than a slubby oversized t-shirt. So treat yourself. Third, I listen to music that lights me up. Not podcasts, not audiobooks, but music because this is my time to connect with myself not to learn or consume more information. Let the music just take you to another place altogether in your head. It's just a vibe. Fourth, make it social. I look forward to seeing my 6 a.m. crew at the gym. There's a community aspect to it. We don't even talk to each other sometimes.

Sometimes it's just a smile and a wave. But they're my people and I look forward to the community. And I know if I'm not there, they're probably wondering, where's Hillary today? Same with pickleball. I've only been playing since July, but I already feel like I have a sense of community. And I look forward to seeing these new people in my life. So stop forcing yourself to do workouts or activities that you hate. stop grinding through routines that feel like punishment. You have to find something that you enjoy

and make it pleasurable so that it's fun and doing it in itself is its own reward. You do it because it's enjoyable, not because you have to. Principle number five, make yourself the priority. I know this might be hard for some of you, but this is the most important of all. You come first in your life. You are not after your kids, the house, the chores, your clients, your work, partner or all the favors. If you're putting yourself last in your own life, it is a choice. You are doing that to yourself. Do you hear me? You are a victim of yourself, of your own choices. You may have been conditioned to think that being selfless is noble and that putting everyone else first makes you special or a good human. But that is a lie. It is a patriarchal lie and a

narrative girls have been sold and spoon-fed for generations to keep us in line and to keep us oppressed. The most self-loving and empowering thing that you can do is to make yourself a priority. And no, it is not selfish. It is necessary. It may seem radical at first, but it's actually not at all. It is literally your life. So if something is important to you, then it's important, period. Because you are important. That is basic logic. If A equals B and B equals C, then A equals C, basic logic. If you take crumbs and scraps in your own life, you will be exhausted, depleted, and resentful. And again, you're doing it to yourself. And here's the thing. You're not going to get the results that you want. You're not going to get anything that you want for that

matter, and no one's going to give you a medal for it. So listen to me right now. You are never too busy for yourself. You can be too busy for a chore, too busy for an errand, too busy for a favor, but you are never, never, never too busy for you. Repeat after me, say it right now, wherever you are, I am never too busy for myself. When you make yourself the priority, everything changes, not just your fitness, your entire life. My clients in the Ready for Love program lose weight, nine pounds, 14 pounds, even 20 pounds I've heard in just 12 weeks. Not because, we're talking about nutrition, but because of this one shift, they finally put themselves first and their bodies respond. You can have the perfect workout plan, the perfect meal plan, all the

knowledge in the world. But if you don't show up for yourself every single day, none of it will work. And if you don't make yourself a priority, no one else will. Simple as that. Here's what I know to be true. You cannot fully thrive in your life if one area is growing and the others are quietly being neglected. Eventually, the imbalance catches up to you. That's why I created three programs to support women in the areas that matter most. Self-devoted helps you reconnect to your body, your health, and your self-care. Self-satisfied helps you create relationships that feel secure, fulfilling, and aligned. And self-made helps you shift your money mindset so wealth not only feels possible, it feels inevitable. These programs are not random. They are intentional, and when they are done

together, the impact is powerful. When you choose the full bundle, I include the daily journal. This is a practice I use myself, and it's the tool that helps you apply what you're learning every single day, so change becomes real, not theoretical. If you're ready to invest in yourself in a way that actually supports your whole life, go to Readyforloveink.com forward slash courses. You can explore the programs and the bundle at Readyforloveink.com forward slash courses. So here's the cherry on top of all of this. Forget the resolutions. This is a revolution in how you treat yourself, your fitness, your body, your relationship with yourself.

And now I know some of you are thinking because I hear this every single day. It's just going to get harder and harder to find love as I get older. I look good now, but my looks are going to fade. That is bullshit. Aging is inevitable. You can resist it or embrace it. It is a choice. You're not 30.

and you shouldn't want to be. Your body at 40, 50, 60 and beyond is fabulous. It's gorgeous. It's powerful. But you decide that. Not society, not men, not him, not your partner. You. You are gorgeous if you think you are. You are sexy if you know you are. It is a decision. So love the lines, love the curves, love the wrinkles. They represent experience. and wisdom and all you've lived and learned to this point. Older women are more seductive and alluring. It's just true. We are more comfortable with ourselves. Our presence is more powerful because of everything we've been through. When we own it and embody the truth and we move in the world with that sense of self, this is what makes us undeniable. If we don't own it, we are just lost. Like dust in the wind, we just are swept away and we disappear. So we have to anchor this within ourselves. And when we do, the world responds to us in that way. I feel more beautiful now than I ever did when I was younger.

I am more comfortable in my skin, more confident in who I am, not in spite of the changes, but because of them. Confidence is sexy, your presence, your comfort in your own skin. That's what it's all about. So be sexy for yourself because it feels good to feel that way. That is the revolution. If you want help with this, I created a mini course called Self-devoted. It's your guide to shifting from self-discipline to self-devotion in every area of your life. If you want to check it out, just go to Readyfor-love.com forward slash devoted to learn more. Thanks for being here. Please share this with someone who really needs to hear it and keep these shifts in mind as you do all things, not just working out. I'll see you next time.

One of the most empowering things you can do is be intentional about where your money goes. And paying for things simply because we always have is not intentional. A lot of people assume that spending less on wireless means settling for less. And that's simply not true. Mint Mobile offers unlimited plans with high-speed data and unlimited talk and text, delivered on the nation's largest 5G network. It's built for people who want dependable service without overpaying. You can use your own phone, keep your own number, and choose a three, six, or 12-month plan,

which makes your costs predictable and often much lower than traditional carriers. If you want to stop overspending in places that don't really matter and redirect that money toward what actually enriches your life, this is a smart option to consider. This January quit overspending on wireless with 50% off unlimited premium wireless. Plan start at $15 a month at mintmobile.com slash ready for love. That's mintmobile.com slash ready for love. Limited time offer upfront payment of $45 for a three-month plan, $90 for a six-month plan, or $180 for a 12-month plan required. Taxes and fees extra, initial plan term only.

Speeds may slow after 50 gigabytes when the network is busy. Capable device required, availability, speed, and coverage vary. See mintmobile.com.