The Hilary Silver Podcast - #99: Master Detachment and Watch Everything Chase You

Episode Date: January 16, 2026

The moment you stop gripping so tightly to what you want may be the exact moment it finally becomes possible. Here is a hard truth: the tighter you squeeze, the faster things slip through your fingers. When wanting quietly turns into needing, everything starts to feel urgent and heavy. You overthink. You push. You try to control the timing, the outcome, and other people. And somehow the thing you want keeps dodging you. Hilary breaks down why detachment is actually your secret weapon. You still want it. You still show up. You just stop making it the thing that decides whether you’re okay. That shift changes how you date, how you run your business, how your body feels, and how you move through the world. Less scrambling. More confidence. Way better energy. This conversation is your reminder that calm is magnetic, desperation is not, and letting go often gets you there faster than forcing ever could. Episode Highlights: Trying harder can actually push what you want away The moment desire turns into pressure and things start unraveling Detachment as the fastest path to feeling confident and magnetic What shifts when your worth isn’t on the line Why calm always outperforms chasing Episode Breakdown: 00:00 Why Letting Go of the Outcome Works 02:30 Wanting vs. Needing and Emotional Attachment 05:45 How Scarcity and Desperation Push Results Away 08:30 Why Your State of Being Drives Outcomes 11:30 Taking Aligned Action Without Forcing ✨ I’m Hilary Silver, LCSW, former psychotherapist turned master coach and founder of Ready for Love. I help high-achieving women show up in love as confidently as they do in their careers. 💡 Through this podcast, I share my WOMAN-centered, SELF-centered approach—time-tested methods that blend psychology, brain science, relationship skills, and no-BS dating advice. 🎙️ Since 2017, we’ve helped over 10,000 women with a 98% success rate, making Ready for Love the #1 program in the world for women who’ve tried everything else. ✨ Ready to stop repeating the same patterns and finally create the love you deserve?  🎯 Watch my free masterclass to learn the proven 4-step Ready for Love Method: https://readyforloveinc.com/masterclass 💬 Apply for a free Love Breakthrough Call with my team: https://readyforloveinc.com/apply Self-Centered Bundle: Built to Support the Real You Three intentional programs that work better together, plus The Daily Journal. Find it at https://start.readyforloveinc.com/selfbundle-checkout-hs  AquaTru: Ultra-Pure Water You Can Actually Trust 20% Off Your Countertop Purifier Use Promo Code: READY at AquaTru.com Cozy Earth: Make Rest a Habit You Look Forward To Up to 20% off + 100-Night Sleep Trial & 10-Year Warranty Use code READYFORLOVE at CozyEarth.com  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Have you ever noticed the moment you stopped caring about something? It suddenly becomes available to you? Maybe you tried really hard to make something happen or to achieve a goal, even obsessed over it, but it wasn't until you gave up on it a little that it actually happened. Today, I'm sharing what this is all about, how it works, and why. It's a mindset technique I've been using with my clients for 25 years to help them get more of what they want without losing themselves or their well-being and quality of life in the process. so that you too can get more of what you want this year while maintaining your health,

vitality, and your sanity. Hi, it's Hillary. Welcome to the Ready for Love podcast. So we hear this happening a lot with people who are trying so hard to have a baby. We all have heard a story like this. They're doing all the interventions and life almost stands still in that frantic pursuit to get pregnant. They're obsessed, but only when they finally give up and stop

trying or even adapt, they get pregnant. Maybe you've experienced this in dating. You were so focused on finding someone going on all the dates and really putting yourself out there. But then the moment you decided to take a break and just focus on yourself for a while is when you met someone really great. So what is this technique that is so super powerful that you get more of what you want without trying so hard and pushing and chasing? It's what I call letting go of the outcome. You simply let go of the outcome that you so desperately seek so that you can actually get it. And I know it sounds totally backwards and counter to everything that we naturally tend to do and it doesn't seem to make a logical sense at all because when you want something

so badly you'd think it would make more sense to go after it with everything that you've got. But stay with me so that I can explain what seems like a really big contradiction. And I promise if you have the good sense to listen to me on this. It will be as life-changing for you as it has been for me. So rest assured, letting go is not about quitting or giving up on what you want. And it's not about pretending that you don't care about something either because that doesn't work. You just can't fake it.

Letting go of the outcome is mentally and emotionally detaching from and releasing your need to achieve or have this thing. It's wanting something, going after it and taking all the necessary. actions towards it and at the very same time releasing your grip on the outcome you so deeply desire. You're holding these two opposing forces within you at the same time. But what makes the difference is how you are doing all of what you're doing. It's who you are being when you're doing it that makes the difference. Everything about you and how you approach working towards the goal matters more than all the things that you're doing to achieve it. I'll say that another way. It doesn't matter as much what you are doing as it does who you are being when you're doing it.

Let that sink in for a second. What you are thinking about, how you are feeling, your mindset, your self-talk, and your energy. There's a big difference between I need this and I want this. When you're in, I need this energy, I must have it or else, I will suffer, be in pain, will feel bad about myself, I won't be good enough, I can't breathe, that's desperation. And you're anxious, overly eager, frantic, and your actions are grasping, chasing, or forcing, or pushing. When you're in, I want this, you're in a place of desire. You're going after something because it would be great to have it, but you're not desperate to get it. so you're not strained or stressed out. You're not frantic and anxious. You're not emotionally dependent upon getting it. You trust yourself to handle whatever happens. If it doesn't work out,

you'll be fine. You'll figure something else out. And so you shift into a state of being genuinely okay whether you get it or not. And that deep trust and faith in yourself and in the universe allows you to relax and open yourself up to the endless, infinite possibility of whatever happens. Then, inside of you is this emotional state and it's an energy that opens you up to receiving what it is that you want. Your entire being and energy is wide open and welcoming to this thing that you want to just come into your life. And then, when you shift into this state, all the actions that you are taking are coming from a version of you who is inspired and joyful and grateful and just high vibe all around. I call this slowing down to get there faster. You're breathing and relaxing

and trusting. It is all coming to you as you do all the things. Think about trying to pick up a wet bar of soap. If you're just grasping at it frantically or recklessly, it just pops right out of your hands, continuing to escape and remaining just beyond your reach. But if you slow, down and you carefully, gently, thoughtfully reach for it, you can just simply pick it up. Can you feel the difference? One is trust, detachment, releasing your grasp and letting go. The other is fear, anxiety, attachment, and desperation. And that just repels everything you want and are working so hard to achieve.

So if you're dating someone and you're desperate for them to like you and for them to commit and for them to choose you, you come across as needy. You overanalyze everything. You try to control his perception of you. You try to control the pace of things, and you're seeking reassurance from him. You end up losing yourself, trying to be what you think he wants, and that low-vibe scarcity energy pushes him away. But when you're detached, you can genuinely like someone, but also you're totally fine if it doesn't work out. Because you know that your worth isn't tied to whether this one person chooses you.

and that's when you're completely magnetic. That's when you're showing up as your best self, and that's when they are drawn to you. So the same thing applies to your career, your business, your finances, your health, and it really just applies to everything. When you're gripping so tightly onto a specific outcome that you really can't control anyway,

and when you need it to happen or else you'll fall apart, you are repelling it. You're operating from scarcity and fear. But when you want it and you're working toward it, but you're not attached to it, you trust that you're going to be okay regardless. That's abundance. That's confidence. That's the energy that attracts everything you want. So detachment isn't about not caring. It's about caring without needing. It's about wanting without desperation. About taking action from a place of trust instead of fear. And that subtle but powerful shift just changes everything. So you're probably wondering, how?

How do I actually do this? How do I detach when I care so much about something? How do I let go when everything in me wants to hold on tight? I'm going to walk you through the four-step strategy that I use myself and that I teach my clients so that you can get more of what you want without working so hard in your relationships, your career, your health, your finances, all of it. One of the simplest ways to take better care of yourself is sleep, not just getting more hours, but creating a bed you genuinely want to get into. When your bed is beautiful and comfortable,

better rest becomes an easy habit. Everyone in my family sleeps on cozy earth sheets now. They are incredibly soft, they feel luxurious, and getting into bed at night genuinely feels like a small luxury you get to enjoy every single day. I love how cozy earth makes rest feel inviting. Bedtime stops becoming something you put off and starts becoming something you look forward to. And that makes a real difference over time. January is a wonderful time to reset your sleep and start the year feeling more rested and renewed. Cozy Earth makes it easy to try their betting with a 100-night sleep trial and a 10-year warranty. If you want to start the year feeling supported by better rest, go to CozyEarth.com and use my code ready for love for up to 20% off. That's CozyEarth.com and use the code

ready for love. And if you get a post-purchase survey, be sure to mention you heard Cozy Earth right here from me. Did you know three out of four homes in the U.S. have toxic chemicals in their tap water? Even when it looks clear, it can still contain chlorine, lead, forever chemicals, and microplastics, which are all linked to fatigue, hormone disruption, and even cancer. I'm really intentional about what I put in my body, so when I learned that, I got an aquatrue countertop water purifier. Its patented four-stage reverse osmosis system removes 84 contaminants, way beyond what standard fridge or pitcher filters can do, so my family and I get pure, healthy water I can actually trust.

And there's no plumbing or installation needed. Aquatrue has been featured in business insider and popular science and was named Best Countertop Water Filter by good housekeeping. Join 98% of customers who say their drinking water is cleaner, safer, and healthier. Go to aquatrue.com now for 20% off using promo code ready. Aquatrue even comes with a 30-day best-tasting water guarantee. That's aquatru.com, a-Q-U-A-T-R-U-U-R-U-D-com with promo code ready. One of the most empowering things you can do is be intentional about where your money goes. And paying for things simply because we always have is not intentional.

A lot of people assume that spending less on wireless means settling for less, and that's simply not true. Mint Mobile offers unlimited plans with high-speed data and unlimited talk-end and text delivered on the nation's largest 5G network. It's built for people who want dependable service without overpaying. You can use your own phone, keep your own number, and choose a three, six, or 12-month plan, which makes your costs predictable and often much lower than traditional carriers. If you want to stop overspending in places that don't really matter and redirect that money toward what actually enriches your life, this is a smart option to consider. This January quit overspending on wireless with 50% off unlimited premium wireless. Plan start at $15 a month at mintmobile.com,

slash ready for love. That's mintmobile.com slash ready for love. Limited time offer, upfront payment of $45 for a three-month plan, $90 for a six-month plan, or $180 for a 12-month plan required. Taxes and fees extra, initial plan term only. Speeds may slow after 50 gigabytes when the network is busy. Capable device required, availability, speed, and coverage vary. See mintmobile.com. Step number one is to get crystal clear on what you want. You have to have to have. a clear vision of what you actually want, not just some vague concept or vague idea, not I'll know it when I see it kind of thing, but a clear, detailed, vivid vision. What does it look like? What does it feel like? Who are you when you have this thing that you want? If it's a relationship, what does a Tuesday night look like with this person? How do you feel when you wake up next to him? What's the energy between you? What is your dynamic? If it's a business, goal. What does your day look like? How do you feel when you're checking your bank account? What kind of work are you doing every day? And if it's a health goal, how does your body feel? What are you capable of?

How do you move through the world differently? What are you wearing? Get specific. Paint the picture in your mind and experience it as if it's already real. Because here's the thing. If you can't visualize it, it will not happen. Your brain can't move towards something that it's, can't see. You have to give it a clear target and a clear destination. So spend time every single day visualizing what it is that you're wanting. Not just thinking about it, but actually feeling it, seeing it, and living it in your mind. This isn't woo. This is just complete neuroscience. Your brain doesn't know the difference between what's real and what's vividly imagined. So when you visualize it clearly and you feel it deeply, your brain starts reward.

wiring itself to make that vision your reality. Step two, be grateful for this thing that you're trying to create and achieve now as if you already have it. This is where most people get it wrong. They're in a state of longing, of wanting, of I don't have it yet, or the if then thing. So I'll be happy when I get it or I'll be happy if I get it. Delaying your joy, delaying your happiness, delaying your satisfaction and contentment until you get it. get this thing. So that keeps you in scarcity, only being grateful when you get the thing. But that's actually what keeps you stuck in lack and in a state of separation from what it is that you want. So instead, practice gratitude for this thing as if you already have it. And it's not fake

gratitude. It's real embodied gratitude, which means you're waking up every morning feeling genuine appreciation for the relationship, the business success, the health, the life that you're creating as if it's already here. You become the future version of you who is living that life when you have this thing. But you're living that version of you now. How does she think? How does she carry herself? How does she make decisions? How does she spend her time and what does she believe about herself. You start being her now, not someday when you finally get the thing now. Because here's what happens when you do this. You're training your brain to recognize yourself in this new way. You step into being her and this goal no longer feels foreign to you or unreachable. It feels inevitable.

It feels real like right now. And when you embody the version of you who already has what you want, you naturally start making different choices, taking different actions and showing up differently. Here's what I know to be true. You cannot fully thrive in your life if one area is growing and the others are quietly being neglected. Eventually, the imbalance catches up to you. That's why I created three programs to support women in the areas that matter most. Self-devoted helps you reconnect to your body, your health, and your self-care. Self-satisfied helps you create relationships that feel secure. fulfilling and aligned. And self-made helps you shift your money mindset so wealth not only feels possible, it feels inevitable. These programs are not random. They are intentional and when they are done together, the impact is powerful. When you choose the full bundle, I include the daily journal. This is a practice I use myself and it's the tool that helps you apply what you're learning

every single day. So change becomes real, not theoretical. If you're ready to invest in yourself in a way that actually supports your whole life, go to Readyforloveink.com forward slash courses. You can explore the programs and the bundle at Readyforloveink.com forward slash courses. Step number three, take inspired action from a high vibe state. This builds on what we were just talking about. So you can't just hope and pray and wish and dream and wait for what it is that you want. You do still have to do the work. You have to take action.

there are things that must be done. But here's the key difference. You're doing all of the things from a place of high vibe, from inspiration, from abundance, not from fear, desperation, not from I have to do this, but rather, I get to do this. You're taking inspired and efficient action, action that feels aligned and that lights you up

that comes from a place of trust, not panic. Here's the difference. Low vibe is, I have to go on this date, because what if I never meet anyone else? High vibe is, I get to meet someone new and practice showing up as my best self. Low vibe is, I have to post on social media or my business will fail.

Hi vibe is, I get to share something that might help somebody today. Low vibe, I have to work out or I'll never lose weight. Hi vibe, I get to connect with my body and feel strong today. Do you feel the difference? One is burdened, the other is opportunity and gratitude. How you're doing what you're doing,

makes a big difference. Trust me here. Step number four, let go and trust because you already have everything you need. This is the final step and it's the one that ties everything together. You let go by remembering you're already there. You already have everything that you need. This is a desire and you will get all that you desire and more than you ever imagined possible. And whatever comes your way is exactly what is meant for you. You are worthy and you will be. and capable and deserving already right now as you are. And this thing would be great to have. And if it's not this, it will be something else,

something even better, because the universe delivers what you are open and ready to receive. This framing puts you in the state to receive what you want. You trust that you always get what you want. Everything always works out for your benefit. Everything always works out in your favor. If it's not this, it will be something even better that you can't even imagine yet. And here's a bonus step.

Just start making it part of your daily life to remind yourself. I'm letting go of the outcome right now. Just reminds you to release. So here's what I want you to take away from this episode today. Everything that you want is more than possible for you. It's inevitable. That's the belief. But you can't get there by gripping tighter.

You get there by letting go. Let go, ladies. Let go of the outcome, lovelies. You're no longer grasping. You're no longer desperate or anxious or in a state of lack. You're just in abundance and faith and trust. And that's when love finds you. That's when opportunity finds you. That's when success of all kinds finds you. Try it. You're going to see that it actually starts working for you quicker than you realize. And if you want help putting this all together, go to readyforlovenc.com forward slash journal and grab the daily journal. It is my method for putting this all into action. Thanks for listening and I'll see you next time. One of the most empowering things you can do is be intentional about where your money goes. And paying for things simply because we always have is not intentional. A lot of people assume that spending less on wireless means settling for less. And that's simply not true.

Mint Mobile offers unlimited plans with high-speed data and unlimited talk and text delivered on the nation's largest 5G network. It's built for people who want dependable service without overpaying. You can use your own phone. your own number and choose a three, six, or 12-month plan, which makes your costs predictable and often much lower than traditional carriers. If you want to stop overspending in places that don't really matter and redirect that money toward what actually enriches your life, this is a smart option to consider. This January quit overspending on wireless with 50% off unlimited premium wireless. Plan start at $15 a month at mintmobile.com slash ready for love. That's mintmobile.com

slash ready for love. Limited time offer upfront payment of $45 for a three-month plan, $90 for a six-month plan, or $180 for a 12-month plan required. Taxes and fees extra, initial plan term only. Speeds may slow after 50 gigabytes when the network is busy. Capable device required, availability, speed, and coverage vary. See mintmobile.com.