The Hilary Silver Podcast - Believing This Lie Leads To A Life Of Regret

Starting point is 00:00:00 The world doesn't revolve around you. Have you heard that phrase? Maybe someone once said that to you, a parent or a teacher, someone entrusted with guiding your growth as a human. They meant well, and the intent was likely to teach you social skills, how to get along with others in society,

Starting point is 00:00:17 to know your place in the pecking order and that we take others into consideration, that you're not the only one who wants the thing. Other people might want it too. But it's a super shaming statement with so much emotion behind it. It's really infused with judgment. How dare you actually think that you'll get this thing that you want when others want it too? What makes you think you're so special? It's kind of a slap in the face that quickly can put a child in their place. Message received, loud and clear.

Starting point is 00:00:46 To think about ourselves is bad or wrong. It's self-indulgent and selfish. Something like that. And thus, the conditioning continues from nearly every area of our lives, especially for girls, that it's bad to think of yourself. But this is extremely misguided. It's diminishing, misleading, and it disconnects us from our own inner truth, our own personal power. So I'm about to turn your world upside down in the

Starting point is 00:01:13 best possible way because yes, in fact, it does. Despite what you've been told, the world does revolve around you. Your world revolves around you and my world revolves around me. And this is the second core concept of my self-centered model. So let's get to it. Hi, it's Hillary. Welcome to the Hillary Silver podcast. Thanks for tuning into the conversation today. If you haven't already, it would mean so much to me if you'd take a minute to just click that five-star rating on your podcast app, leave a review, and subscribe so you never miss one of my episodes. And if you're enjoying this podcast, please consider sharing it with a friend because if you like it, they will probably like it too. Okay, so your world does revolve around you. There are three things to understand about this core concept. First,

Starting point is 00:02:06 think about all the areas of your life for a minute, your health and wellness, your body and fitness, your friendships, your children if you have them, your love life, your career, your home, your finances, your hobbies. You get the idea. All of those things are parts of your life and they all orbit around you. You are at the center of all the things in your life. So yes, you are the sun in your own universe. You provide the energy to all those things. They are all dependent upon you, what you bring to those areas, how you show up in those areas. they all depend on you. If you show up in certain areas of your life with dread, fear, ambivalence, lack of clarity, depressed, anxious, angry, or resentful, those areas of your life will suffer. Whereas if you show up with love and courage,

Starting point is 00:03:00 hope, faith, positivity, those areas of your life will prosper. So when there's an area of your life that is not thriving or fulfilling and you want it to be better, rather than focus on tactical things to improve it, start with exploring your own beliefs, thoughts, and feelings about it. So for example, if you find yourself unhappy at your job, dreading going to work every day, feeling unmotivated or constantly stressed, the first instinct might be to look for external solutions like changing jobs, asking for a raise, or trying to avoid certain coworkers. But instead, start by exploring your beliefs and feelings about your work. Ask yourself these questions. Do I believe my work is meaningful? Or do I feel stuck in something unfulfilling?

Starting point is 00:03:47 Am I clear about what I want from my career? Or am I just going through the motions? How am I showing up each day? Am I bringing negativity or resentment into the workplace? We can get stuck blaming a boss or colleagues or the work environment. And while there may be some truth to those variables not being great, blaming does nothing to solve the problem, nor does it actually make us feel better. And when we believe the problem is external, we may go through the process of looking for a new

Starting point is 00:04:16 job and starting over at a new job only to end up experiencing the same exact situation. So looking at yourself is key. And those questions are actually uplifting and empowering. You can start to change your experience at work even before any external changes happen. When you shift, your reality always follows. This is building upon the first core concept from our last conversation. Second, you need to spend more time thinking about yourself, not less. Not spending enough time thinking about yourself means you end up living life on autopilot, living by default, sleepwalking through life, living your life within the guardrails. Really, you end up taking what

Starting point is 00:04:59 you're getting rather than actually getting what you want. It's not an intentionally lived life. If you don't take the time to think about yourself, examine yourself, reflect on yourself, really truly being with yourself, being brutally honest with yourself about who you are, what you want, what's important to you, then you never really know yourself and you cannot make choices that align. And then all the other areas of your life suffer. And this is how people end up living a life that is not true to themselves. And when they get to the end of the line and they're 90 years old, looking back on it all, they have serious regrets because they never took the time to be with themselves, to think about themselves, and then to live a more crafted and curated life. For all areas of your life to be with themselves, to think about themselves, and then to live a more crafted and curated life.

Starting point is 00:05:47 For all areas of your life to be what you really want them to be, you must know that it all starts with you at the center of it all. So yes, you can and you should think about yourself more. What you want, ask for it and expect to get it. It can be you who is one of the ones getting what you want. It is up to you. It is your decision now. It's a simple decision. It's a declaration. You are entitled to take up space and begin to live your life very purposefully in a way that is true to you. And it all starts by knowing that you are at the center of your life. You are the most important person in your life. So treat yourself as such. When you deny, neglect, abandon, dismiss, ignore yourself at the center of everything, again, every other

Starting point is 00:06:42 part of your life reflects that. This leads me to the final point I want to make about this second core concept. Have you ever heard of the phrase, how you do one thing is how you do everything? I prefer to say how you do one thing is how you do many things. And it fits so perfectly with this concept of being at the center of your own life. When you take the time to focus on how you're showing up in one area of your life, whether it's your career, your health, or your relationships, you're not just improving that one area. By virtue of the self-examination, self-reflection, self-awareness, and growth that you experience in elevating yourself,

Starting point is 00:07:23 you naturally begin to elevate all the other areas as well. The impact is far-reaching, and the other areas of your life will benefit from this new improved version of you. For example, I struggled for years trying to leave my private practice and start my online coaching company. I spent time and energy and effort and money chasing after new strategies and the right next person to help me and nothing I was doing was working. But once I realized it was me, I was the problem. Remember that from core concept number one? Once I realized it was me and accepted it was me, I unlocked everything. I worked on my own deep limiting beliefs that I didn't have what it takes and I couldn't handle the success that I was trying so desperately hard to achieve. That somehow, the big success I was dreaming about and working so hard to achieve was actually just not for me.

Starting point is 00:08:16 Other people can have it, but not me. Once I worked through that and actually changed my brain, I finally broke through. Not only did my business completely explode, the personal growth that I experienced in that process elevated all the other areas of my life as well. I felt more confident as a leader in my business, but also I was a better mom and a better friend and a better partner. Everything in my life leveled up because I leveled up. That's the power of being at the center. It's not about being selfish or self-absorbed. It's about realizing that when you show up as your best self for one area of your life, it has a profound effect on everything else. Your energy, your clarity, and your sense of purpose radiate outward just like the sun and touch everything in your

Starting point is 00:09:06 life. When you neglect yourself, all areas of your life will suffer. But when you are your own best friend, you are well cared for, tended to, nourished, valued, and fortified by you, all the other areas of your life benefit from it. I hope you're starting to see how these core concepts build on each other. If you didn't catch the last episode that I did just yesterday, actually, go back and listen or watch that one now. And if you're enjoying this content, please make sure to subscribe so you never miss an episode, and I'll see you next time.

The Hilary Silver Podcast - Believing This Lie Leads To A Life Of Regret

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