The Hilary Silver Podcast - Can't Put Self First

Episode Date: April 18, 2025

You’ve spent your whole life making sure everyone else is okay—but what about you? This episode is for the women who are exhausted, overextended, and quietly wondering when it’ll finally be their turn. Hilary is breaking down the deep conditioning that taught us to believe being selfless equals being worthy, and why that’s total BS. If you’ve ever felt guilty for wanting more, for needing space, or simply saying no… this one’s going to hit. Because the truth is, no one is going to magically give you permission to rest, breathe, or be a priority. You have to choose it. And when you do? Everything changes.   Episode Highlights: Why self-sacrifice won’t earn you the love or respect you deserve The hard truth about how you’re teaching people to treat you The 3 steps to stop people-pleasing and start living for you How to be self-centered (in the best possible way) And why this shift is your ticket to freedom   Episode Breakdown: [00:00]  How You Were Conditioned to Be Selfless [01:32] Why You Feel Undervalued and Exhausted [02:03] The Guilt of Prioritizing Yourself [03:06] The Truth About Self-Sacrifice [04:00]  Setting Boundaries: Teaching Others How to Treat You [05:04] What It Means to Be Self-Centered [05:57] 3 Steps to Start Prioritizing Yourself [07:01] What to Expect When You Start Saying No [07:22] Why You Need to Choose Yourself Now [07:54] Start Living for You Nobody’s coming to save you. It’s your turn—right now. Tune in, then grab Hilary’s free video training This Changes Everything to start making yourself a daily priority without apology. You’ll never look back.

I work with women who don't know how to put themselves first. I've been doing this professionally for over two decades, and I've met thousands of women who have given everything to their families, their relationships, their careers, only to end up feeling exhausted and invisible. And the difference between the women who stay trapped in that cycle and the women who finally break free is one thing, and it's what I'm going to show you in today's episode.

And once you understand this, you'll finally be able to put yourself first without guilt. Hi, it's Hillary. Welcome to the Hillary Silver Podcast. Thanks for tuning into the conversation today. If you haven't already, it would mean so much to me. If you'd take a minute to just click that five star rating on your podcast app, leave a review and subscribe so you never miss one of my episodes. And if you're enjoying this podcast,

please consider sharing it with a friend because if you like it, they will probably like it too. So let's start with something that likely no one has ever told you before. From the moment that you were born, you were given a role to play. Be helpful. Be agreeable. Be easy to love. Take care of everyone else first. And when you did, you were praised. You were a good girl when you shared. You were so nice when you let others go first. You were so thoughtful when you sacrificed for someone else. And so you learned, making others happy equals being a good person. Making yourself a priority equals being selfish. You learned that everyone else comes before you, that other people's needs are more important than your own, that everyone else matters and you don't.

It's all about everyone else. It's not about you. You learned that your role is to take care of others, help others, and that if you want or need something, it's up to you to take care of it. This messaging and these early experiences embed low self-worth and a belief that we aren't deserving of receiving

and that our worth comes from all that we can do to help and care for others. Let that sink in for a minute. So for decades, you've been following a rule book designed to keep you on the back burner in your own life, that you come last in your own life, and that this selflessness is noble and virtuous. I know after years of giving and sacrificing

and making sure that everyone else is okay, the idea of putting yourself first feels wrong. You feel guilty or selfish for even considering your own needs or wants. But let me ask you something. If self-sacrifice led to love, appreciation, admiration, connection, and respect, then why do so many women who give endlessly feel so utterly unseen, unloved, unimportant, taken for granted, and even taken advantage of? Here's the truth. Love is not supposed to be transactional.

You were never meant to earn love by disappearing in your relationships. You were never supposed to sacrifice yourself to be valued and prioritizing yourself does not make you selfish. So let me tell you something that maybe no one else is willing to say. The truth. That is a very bitter pill to swallow while this was all part of your conditioning. It is now you that is continuing to do this to yourself. Yes, you. Every time you say yes when you want to say no, every time you show up, even when you're exhausted, every time you put yourself last, you are teaching the people around you exactly what to expect from you. And no one is going to

stop you and ask if you're okay. No one says, you've done enough, sit down. Let me take care of you for once. Why would they do that? You make this look so easy. You are an expert at it. You've been doing it your whole life. You make it look effortless until one day you wake up

and you literally have nothing left to give. You're tired in a way that sleep cannot fix. Resentment creeps up, but you push it back down because you're not supposed to feel this way. This is where so many women get stuck. But the reality is this, people will never stop expecting more from you until you decide to stop giving more than you have to give.

And here's the hardest truth of all. If people don't respect your time, your energy, and your boundaries, it's because you've taught them they don't have to. Let me say that again. If they're not respecting you just for who you are, and they don't respect your boundaries or your time or your effort or your energy, it's because you have taught them that they don't have to. Think about it. You never asked for anything in return. You never made yourself the priority. You've never set the expectation that you are also to be receiving. They are following the example that you have set. Your relationship with you, how you treat yourself is the model.

And most people are not out there intentionally and deliberately taking advantage of you. They're just following the rules that you set. They're following your example. But here's the good news. You don't have to keep playing that role. If you want to finally put yourself first without guilt, then I invite you to make a shift.

It's time to become self-centered, which has nothing to do with being selfish, but has everything to do with putting yourself at the center of your own life. It means being centered in yourself enough to know what you even need or want. It means considering yourself and prioritizing yourself first so you actually have something left to give later on rather than running on fumes. The sooner that you shift into this way of being, the sooner you stop feeling drained, exhausted, resentful, and unseen. Self-centered is the model I've developed to help thousands of women finally put themselves first and I'll show you how to do it in my free video training called This Changes Everything. Just tap the link in the show notes in the description to get access if you want to check

it out. If you're ready to break the cycle of self-sacrifice and step into your power, here are three actions that you can take right now to get started. Step number one, decide that you are worth it now. Not when you lose weight, not when your kids are grown, and not when you've earned a break. Right now. Because if you don't believe that you're worth prioritizing, no one else will either. Step number two, say no without an explanation. No, I can't make it. No, I'm not available. No, without an explanation. No I can't make it. No I'm not available. No that doesn't work for me.

Don't say, sorry I have a lot going on. Or I wish I could, but I can't. No is a full sentence. And the moment that you stop justifying your choices, explaining yourself, or apologizing for nothing, you reclaim your power. Step number three, make yourself a daily priority without guilt. You don't come last in your life.

You are not an afterthought or something that you squeeze in if there's time. You matter. And I would argue you matter more than anyone else in your own life. I know what you're thinking. That sounds great, but what if people get upset, Hillary? Well, some of them will. But so what? Because you're going to feel so fucking free and liberated, and you will thank yourself every single day. This is a soul call. So many women

wake up in their 50s, 60s, and even 70s and realize they have spent their whole lives making everyone else happy, except themselves. So ask yourself this, if you don't start putting yourself first now, when will you? Because no one is coming to save you. No one is going to tap you on the shoulder and say, it's your turn now. Have a rest. Take a time out. I've got this.

You have to decide this for yourself. You have to choose you. And the second that you do, you step into something bigger, where you finally, finally start living for you the life you want to live on your terms, doing what you want. This is the only authentic way to live. And if that feels a little bit scary, good, because that means you're not just gonna change your life, you're about to change everything. Thanks for being here. I really appreciate it more than you know.

If you enjoyed this conversation, please share it with someone who needs to hear it, and I'll see you next time.