The Hilary Silver Podcast - Don't Give Up When You Mess Up

Episode Date: January 17, 2025

Setting big goals is easy. Staying on track when life inevitably throws you a curveball? That’s the real challenge. In this episode, Hillary Silver shares seven game-changing tools to help you stay committed to your goals—even when you mess up (because you will, and that’s okay). Forget perfectionism; it’s about showing up for yourself, learning from setbacks, and making progress every day. Hillary dives into the practical and mindset shifts needed to turn your resolutions into realities, without the self-sabotage or endless restarts. From getting crystal clear on your goals to forgiving yourself when things go sideways, this episode is packed with no-BS advice to keep you moving forward—even if you fall off the wagon a time or two.   Episode Highlights: Get Clear AF on your goals—it's non-negotiable. Break it down into bite-sized objectives and baby steps. Celebrate mess-ups—they’re not failures, they’re feedback! Reframe Success: Focus on effort and self-pride over external results. Step into the identity of the future you who’s already achieved it. Check Yourself! Are these goals really yours, or someone else’s expectations? Forgive the mess-ups, recommit, and love yourself through it all.   Episode Breakdown: [00:00] Overcoming Goal Setbacks [01:44] The Reality of Messing Up [02:05] Tool 1: Clarify Your Big Goal [03:18] Tool 2: Differentiate Goals and Objectives [05:00] Tool 3: Celebrate Daily Progress [07:00] Tool 4: Accept Imperfections and Mess-Ups [08:24] Tool 5: Celebrate the Mess-Ups [10:09] Tool 6: Talk to Yourself as Your Future Self [12:27] Tool 7: Check Your True Motivation [15:14] Tool 8: Forgive Yourself and Reconnect to Your Why [16:27] Stay Committed to Your Goals   If you're tired of restarting the same goals and ready to finally show up for yourself with love and clarity, Hillary's got you covered. Check out her free mini training, This Changes Everything, and her programs designed to help you crush your goals with confidence. Grab them (and free resources!) at hilarysilver.com/guides. Let’s make this your year! 🌟

So you've got big dreams, ambitious goals, or you want to change yourself, your life, or your business in some way. Amazing. You start off strong and follow the plan for a couple of weeks, but then life kicks in, real life kicks in, and you fall off the plan or you forget that you're even trying to do things differently now and you fall back into status quo, what it's always been. How many times have you had the same resolution or how long have you actually been working on the same goal? This is because the process of achieving our big goals and desired outcomes, the how we go about getting there

is mostly what derails us, making it harder than it needs to be. And then we often just give up when we mess up and then all those dreams go unfulfilled, all the goals go unrealized. So today I'm showing you how to stay committed to yourself and your goals even when you mess up so that you can stay the course,

be in it for the long haul and really truly get what you want. The truth is the only way that you truly fail is if you stop trying and give up when you mess up. Hi, it's Hillary. Welcome to the Hillary Silver podcast. Thanks for tuning into the conversation today. If you haven't already, it would mean so much to me. If you take a minute to just click that five star rating on your podcast app, leave a review and subscribe so you never miss one of my episodes. And if you're enjoying

this podcast, please consider sharing it with a friend because if you like it, they will probably like it too. Let's talk about the moments when you set a goal or resolution and then life happens. You mess up. You have one of those, why did I do that moments? It's frustrating, right? But here's the thing, messing up isn't a dead end. It's really just part of the journey. So I have seven tools that can help you stay on track even when things don't go perfectly. And even if you only just implement one of these, it's going to help you dramatically. So first, make sure that your big goal is actually very clear to you. And to do that, you can use your senses.

What does it look like, feel like, taste like, smell like? What does it actually look like to live your life when the goal is achieved? What are you doing differently? How are you living your life? And what are the choices that you're making in this future state? If you can't visualize it, you can't create it, period.

So don't be vague, you have to be very specific. This is why people use vision boards to have images to go with that outcome that they want. I personally don't like using vision boards, but it works well for a lot of people. Just in case you're wondering why I don't like vision boards, I just don't have time to cut out all the pictures and do all that craftsy stuff. I can use my imagination and my visualization practice to see it and feel it, and it's more

real to me that way, actually. The Daily Journal is an amazing product for that. I'll also put the link to that in the show notes. The second thing I want to make sure that you understand is that there is a difference between goals and objectives. So you have your big goal and vision for yourself and it's very clear for you now because you've done step one. Objectives are the small baby steps, the actions that you will take each day that slowly add up to the big outcome. So break this all down to small, measurable, tangible actions or tasks that you can do

each day. Efficient actions that make it clear and easy what you need to do in the moment. It makes it feel like you just need to step over a small bump rather than climbing a big hill all the time. So what are all the little things that you need to do that will help you move the needle towards your goal little by little? Write a list of all the things that will help you get there. And those are the things that you need to be focusing on every day. You can include the big needle movers too because some actions will have a

bigger impact than others. All of this will help you actually make progress rather than just squirreling around and going nowhere because you don't know what you need to be doing to get closer to your goal. So for example, if you're starting or growing a business, you know exactly what you need to do one little bit at a time. And spending your valuable time on anything other than the things that create revenue is not the best way to spend your time. Only do the things that only you can do. Spending your time on all the other things is just sabotage. It's procrastination, distraction, or just not being focused.

You have to set yourself up for success here and not sabotage yourself. But here's a caveat. You have to be honest with yourself here. Are you really going to do these things? If not, then do not put them on your list because you just won't do it. And then you're going to feel bad that you didn't or put them on the list, but delegate them to someone else. So some things that I just know I will not do is just to be honest with myself. and then you're gonna feel bad that you didn't. Or put them on the list, but delegate them to someone else. So some things that I just know I will not do,

it's just not who I am. And I know myself really well and I just will not ever, ever do it. So it does not go on my list. For example, posting on Instagram every day, even though I wanna grow on that platform, it would be nice. I just cannot and will not post there. It's okay if you won't do certain things,

but what else can you do that will be effective in moving the needle for you? Ask yourself, what is it about this one thing that you're resisting? If you can see why you won't do it, then you can figure out an adjustment, an alternative action. So my reason for not posting on Instagram every day is that I really just want to live

my life without thinking about always taking videos and photos of what I'm doing while I'm doing it. I want to be present in my life and have a very healthy balance between living my life for me and for my family and what I choose to share with the public. I don't want to be walking around in my life with my camera up high and smiling and taking selfies everywhere I go. That is just not who I am and what I want. So if it means I don't get to have a larger audience on Instagram, then so be it. And when we want the thing really badly, but we don't want to do those little bits and

pieces objectives along the way, you ask yourself what is the other way to get this. For me, the alternative is to hire a team, which I have always done on and off over the years to help me. So can you hire a meal prep service to help you eat healthier? Hire a house manager or a cleaning service to help you clean your home and be more organized. Some things you just don't have to do yourself. Third, celebrate each day that you met one or a few of your objectives. If you only celebrate when you get to that big final goal, you will lose momentum and give up. So it is important to acknowledge your progress. Even just 1% better each day is something to celebrate

and deserves your own recognition and praise. When we're talking about changing our ways and making inroads towards our goals, we need to give ourselves credit, where credit is due for all the little things we're doing along the way. Fourth, accept that this is not an all-or-nothing game here. Expect the mess-ups and the imperfections and build that into your plan and to expect it

so that you know how to get back on track quickly when there are mess-ups. This way, you're not going to let yourself down so terribly or you won't be so disappointed in yourself when this happens and it doesn't become an excuse to just throw in the towel. Promise yourself that when you mess up you're not going to start over next week or next year or even tomorrow. You're starting over with your very next decision. This is part of the plan because you've anticipated for it, you have expected it, and you know exactly what you need to do to get back on track quickly. If all goes according to plan, perhaps what that means

is that your goal was not ambitious enough or audacious enough. Maybe you didn't stretch yourself enough. So what more could you actually accomplish if this goal that you're working on and these objectives are too easy for you, right? And then to take this to the next level, to take it even further, celebrate the mess ups.

Yes, celebrate the mess ups because your mess ups are giving you valuable information, information that you need to make the process even better. Think about it all as one big experiment. If it all goes according to plan and you don't mess up, you don't learn anything about yourself, and then you can't replicate this with other goals in the future.

So what can you learn about yourself and your learning style or how you grow into doing new things? What works best for you and what doesn't work at all? You will learn so much about yourself when things don't go well. So here's an example. Maybe you told yourself you were going to give that dry January thing a try, but after a long stressful day you poured that glass of wine anyway and you wake up the next morning and you're thinking, well,

there goes that. I'll just try again next year. But here's the truth. Messing up doesn't mean you've failed. It means you have new information. So ask yourself, what can I learn from this? Maybe wine wasn't even what you really needed in that moment. Maybe what you needed was a way to transition out of work mode and to relax. So next time, maybe you'll swap the wine for a walk or a hot bath, or just doing what I like to do,

changing into my comfy clothes and just mentally declaring that I'm done for the day. Mess ups are just clues. They're feedback for you about what's working and what's not. So every time you mess up, it's an opportunity to refine your approach or even adjust your overall outcome. Dry January may not be for you. Just because some social media person decided dry January is a thing does not mean you need to do it I don't drink that much and so I don't really need to do dry January because it just would not be something that I need to Work on I drink so infrequently that when I want a glass of wine, I'm gonna have it

So dry January is not for me. Make sense? Fifth talk to yourself like you have already achieved your outcome. This is about your identity. I did a few episodes on identity recently. I will put the links to those other shows in the show notes so you can go back and listen more if you're interested to learn more about it specifically. But you have to think of yourself as the person you will be in the future when you've achieved your goals. You're going to talk to yourself as your future self, not as the person you have been up until

now, but the person you will be. What are you thinking about? How are you feeling? What are you doing that is so very different in this new version of you, this new life that you will have when you've created and achieved these goals? If your goal is to drop a few pounds and get into great shape, what is it that you look like in that future version of you? What are you wearing?

How are you walking? How are you interacting with people in your life? What are you doing with your workouts? How are you handling your meals? I know you don't smoke because that would be very bad for you. But let's just say you want to quit smoking. Start acting as if you're already the non-smoker that you want to become. You don't say things like, I'm trying to quit.

You say, I don't smoke. Okay? That's what a non-smoker would say. You identify as a non-smoker. And if you notice someone smoking, you would say to yourself, ew, smoking is gross. How can people do that? Because that might be something that you would say or think if you're a nonsmoker, get it?

So step into the identity of the future you and do it now. It's like brainwashing yourself to succeed at achieving your goal because you are positively reinforcing your new way of thinking as the future version of you who has already achieved the goal. Don't only focus on the goal itself. Focus on yourself. The growth here is to become the next version of you, the you who knows how to live this life that you are wanting once you've achieved the goal. Next, if you continue to struggle following through on the bite-sized tasks that are the

building blocks of your dream, your goal, or the vision that you're working towards, one of the most important things that you can do is to check yourself. Whose goal is this anyway? Don't aim for dry January just because it's a thing on social media, remember I said that? Or that all your friends are doing it. Do it because you want to do it. Are you working on losing weight because your partner is nagging at you saying they just want you to be healthy?

Maybe you are perfectly happy where you are. Maybe you're trying to grow your business to seven figures, but that's because every single online business coach tells you that that's what you're supposed to want. But maybe you're happy with multiple six figures and you don't really want to do all that heavy lifting and all the work that's involved in scaling up. Be honest about how badly you want it. And if you keep trying and trying, giving up and then trying again, having the same

goal that you're not achieving or the same resolution every damn year, then just be real with yourself. This one's tough love, but it's important. If you only sort of want something, your efforts will reflect that. Half-assed attempts lead to half-assed results, and here's the kicker. That's okay as long as you're honest with yourself. You can't win if you're doing something that you don't really want to do. You will phone it in and then you'll feel bad about yourself that you can't follow through. You cannot do something half-assed and expect to get results. You have to use your full ass. So ask yourself, do I really want this or is it something I think I should want because of societal

pressure or someone else's expectations? If you're not all in, give yourself permission to let it go. Be all in or get out. It's a fuck yeah or it's a no, okay? It's something that I like to say with my clients a lot. And if you're all in, ask yourself this. What am I willing to do to make this happen? What are the consequences of doing it or not doing it? Sometimes just reminding yourself of how proud you will feel of yourself later can be the motivation that you need to push through. Delayed gratification is when we do the hard thing now and experience the tremendous payoff

later. That is usually a much longer lasting high than the fleeting high that we get from the instant gratification we get from giving in and giving up in the moment. Delayed gratification is a more mature choice. Your best self opts for the delayed gratification. Either way, you're in or you're out. Just be true to yourself always. And lastly, when you mess up because you likely will,

just fucking forgive yourself. Reconnect to your why and recommit to yourself with love. When you lose sight of your deeper reason for pursuing a goal, it's so easy to give up. Here's the thing, when you lose sight of why you set your goal in the first place, it's easy to let one misstep derail everything. Recommitting doesn't start over tomorrow or next week. It starts with your very next decision. So pause and reconnect to your

why. Why are you doing this and why is this so important to you? If you approach this all from a place of self devotion rather than from a place of self loathing and self discipline you will find it much easier to get back on track. Forgive your mess-ups and never ever give up because you never give up on yourself ever. Remember you are doing all of this because you never give up on yourself. Ever. Remember, you are doing all of this because you love yourself, not because you don't. So I suggest writing these seven reminders down in a journal or somewhere that you can refer back to them and use them as a resource for staying committed to yourself, your

big dreams, and your big goals. And the next time that you mess up, you are not giving up. I'm not going to let you. Use the steps that we talked about today to turn your set back into a set up for success. If you're ready to take your growth to the next level, please check out my self-devoted, self-satisfied, and self-made programs covering everything from fitness, relationships, to money. The links are all in the show notes. Thanks for listening and don't forget to subscribe so you never miss an episode. I'll see you next time.