The Hilary Silver Podcast - From Male Attention to Overcoming Loneliness: Ask Me Anything about Turning Heads, Leveling Up and Feeling Connection

Episode Date: February 21, 2025

Hilary is diving into your questions, and as always, she’s keeping it real. In this Q&A episode, she tackles some of the biggest struggles high-achieving women face—from owning your confidence to battling that nagging loneliness even when your life looks great on paper. If you’ve ever felt unseen, stuck, or just plain over it, this episode is your wake-up call.   Episode Highlights: Confidence isn’t about approval, it’s about presence. When you feel valuable, you become magnetic—no validation required. Overwhelmed by personal growth? Forget the mile-long to-do list. Master your thoughts first, and everything else will follow. Loneliness isn’t always about being alone. It’s about whether you’re truly seen in your relationships. Here’s how to deepen the connections you already have.   Episode Breakdown: [00:00] Introduction and Listener Questions [00:47] Turning Heads Over 50 [01:41] Addressing Male Attention Assumptions [05:56] The Importance of Being Self-Centered [07:09] Managing Your Mind and Thought Patterns [08:24] Feeling Lonely Despite Having It All [10:00] Situational vs. Existential Loneliness [12:21] Authenticity and Deepening Connections   Ready for real transformation? Start reprogramming your thoughts with Hilary’s Daily Journal: https://hilarysilver.com/journal/ —a simple but powerful tool designed to shift your mindset and attract the life you actually want.   💬 Got a question? Send it in for a future episode! And don’t forget to subscribe, rate, and share this episode with someone who needs to hear it.

Today I'm answering your questions, actual questions that our listeners have submitted through the Hillary Silver website. And as always, I'm giving you straight up answers, actionable advice and practical takeaways to elevate your life from mindset to personal empowerment to relationships. So let's get started. Hi, it's Hillary. Welcome to the Hillary Silver Podcast. Thanks for tuning into the conversation today. If you haven't already, it would mean so much to me if you'd take a minute to just click that five star rating on your podcast app, leave a review and subscribe so you never miss one of my episodes. And if you're enjoying this podcast, please consider sharing it with a friend because if you like it, they will probably like it too.

Okay, so I love this first question. Thank you, Kelly, for this. If you've been listening to this podcast or watching on YouTube, you may remember the episode that I did called How I Turn Heads Over 50. And oh my gosh, did it get you guys talking? Like seriously, it sparked so much interesting conversation.

I was really glued to the comments for so many days. And most of the comments were all about how you were feeling about your appearance and yourself and aging. If you haven't already watched or listened, I highly recommend that you do. So I will put the link to that show in the show notes. I picked this question because so many of you

had a similar reaction to the show or some version of it. So here's the question from Kelly. She says, I listened to your episode about turning heads at 50, and I don't understand why you feel like you need or want to have attention, especially from men. I don't get it. And so here's what I have to say about that.

I think it is really interesting that so many women automatically assumed insinuated male attention here. That turning heads as a woman is about men. It says a lot about our conditioning, doesn't it? If you go back and listen, you will not hear me say anything about male attention. In fact, I make the point that turning heads isn't about needing or seeking attention from anyone. That turning heads when you walk into a room is more about our own internal sense of self. That rather than shrink or feel insignificant or small as we age, that we claim our power because aging is the opposite of fading away, if you believe

that to be true. I personally feel more powerful, more confident, and sexier than I ever have, because my relationship with me is the best it's ever been. I take better care of myself in all ways, mentally and physically, so my inner world is a kinder, gentler, more forgiving place to be. I have less self-doubt, I don't second-guess myself, and instead I just have more certainty. And I make sure to prioritize my physical health, meaning it's not an afterthought or if I have time.

It comes first for me. I always make time for the things that enhance my life. I don't skimp out on myself and take crumbs in my life. Mom doesn't come last. That is something that women do. We do it to ourselves and that just has to stop. Not just when our kids are older or out of the house, but always. So how I feel about myself is an energy and a vibe. So when I walk into a room I do so knowing that I'm important, I'm valuable, I have a certain presence, and that anyone here is going to benefit just from me being there, whether they realize it or not, and then

it's not about them. It's actually about me. It's a mindset that I carry with me. We never fade away or become invisible so long as we know that we matter and deserve to be seen and heard, even more so as we age, not less so. I do have another episode about this coming up soon, going more in depth about our conditioning as girls and how to defy all those expectations. So make sure that you subscribe so you don't miss that when it comes out. this next question comes from Becky She says I'm listening to your show and I love what I'm hearing But sometimes I just get overwhelmed and feel like there is so much to work on to up level my life

I just don't know where to start. Can you please just tell me one first thing? Okay, so I know that each episode is full of try this or try that, a new mindset or a new habit or a new workout. It can feel like a lot to do to improve our quality of life, I get it. But what we don't want is analysis paralysis, overwhelm, procrastination and just deer in the headlights. I don't want anyone feeling bad because it feels like there is just too much to do.

One more thing on your list. When I first started my therapy practice in 2002 and all these clients were coming to me with all the various problems they were encountering, I felt like, wow, I can relate to every client in some way. And then I was like, well, really, I must be pretty fucked up if I can relate to everyone. But here's the thing. It's all the same underlying issues. There are just levels and layers of how the underlying things are showing up and manifesting.

Lots of different ways in our lives that the same core issues are impacting us. If we peel back all the layers and go beyond the surface level things, the situations in our lives, such as needing to lose weight or struggling with procrastination or people pleasing. And then because of that, you feel adrift in life, whatever those things are. And if there's more than one area or one specific thing that you feel is not optimal in your life, just take a deep breath and relax because it's all the same thing, okay? It may feel like there's a lot to do, but there's really not. So I'm going to explain what I mean,

and then I'm gonna list a few resources for you. And what I want you to know is that being self-centered is the answer to all of life's challenges. And you asked for one thing to get started, and that is it. The first baby step is just to understand that your relationship with you is all that matters. And your relationship with you is all about whatever is going on in that pretty little head of yours

all day, every day. What you believe and think and feel about yourself, how you talk to yourself. So rather than get overwhelmed by all the external things that you think that you need to do to work on, just lean back and let go of all of that and just focus on you. Focus on learning how to think new things, okay? You can elevate your emotional state and your energy and all of that just by changing the way you think. You are what you think. All day, every day, we have about

70,000 thoughts in a day. And most of those thoughts are the things that we've been thinking our entire lives on automatic, by default, unconscious. So we have these thought habits that are the way that we've been thinking mostly our entire lives. We are stuck in this loop. And that all happened before we had the ability to consciously choose what we want to think and how we want to level up, whether it's a specific area in your life or just overall, look no further than the mirror, my friends, and know it is fully within your power to do so simply by deciding that you're going to learn how to manage your mind and upgrade your thought patterns and your thought habits. So now I'm going to just point you to a few resources and I will put all the links to them in the show notes. I have a lot of previous episodes on topics related to changing the way you think and

your relationship with yourself. All of those will be linked in the show notes. The best tool for this is the daily journal. It's a step by step, little by little each day that you are beginning to reprogram your brain. You teach yourself to think new things. You rewire your brain. So it's a combination of neuroscience,

behavioral psychology, and using the power of guided visualization. It's only $47 because I really just want it to be accessible to everyone and I cannot recommend it more. Okay, so we have time for one more question and this is from Sarah. She says, hey, Hillary, I'm married, have kids,

a good social life and friends, and I do She says, Hey, Hillary, I'm married, have kids, a good social life and friends, and I do have a career that I enjoy. But something is missing. I think I just feel lonely. Why do I feel so lonely, even though it seems like I should have everything that I want? Okay, everybody, maybe you can relate to that question. Thank you, Sarah, for asking this, because somehow loneliness is something that we have a hard time admitting. But the truth is, this is all too common and right now, more than ever. In fact, my Ready for Love team and I hear it all day, every single day, from high performing women who actually seem to have it all.

Most of us mistake busy with fulfilled, success with happiness, and lots of people in our lives with connection. But you can be in a room full of friends and still feel deeply lonely. And going to bed at night with a partner who doesn't really know the real you is the loneliest bed there is. If you are someone who has created a great life and achieved a lot and you've checked all the boxes and it all looks good on paper but feel like something is still not quite right, what may be missing is deep, authentic, true, genuine connection. Without connection at the soul level, there will be a void, a vacancy, and it can be a deep and profound emptiness.

That kind of soul connection requires a degree of transparency that most people just aren't willing to be in their relationships and in life, or they just don't know how to do it. So when we show up opaque, which is being guarded or in a self-protection mode with walls or filters, our true selves can't be seen or witnessed. And so we, who we really are, remains invisible. I did an episode early on about loneliness and I talked about the differences between situational loneliness and existential loneliness. Again, I'll put the link in the show notes, but I'm going to explain it a bit now. Situational loneliness is when you don't have friends or people to spend time with or to do things with. Maybe it's a season of your life.

Maybe friends have moved or you moved. Maybe you've just not made it a priority because you were really focused on your career and your family and something had to give. Whatever the reason, it sucks for sure. Not feeling like you have people to go do stuff with, to have a glass of wine with, or go to dinner with, okay? I get it. That's really, it's hard. But existential loneliness is when we don't feel like in our relationships that we do have, we are truly seen and known and understood. It's a sense that no one actually really knows the real you. And it's sneaky because you can fill your life with social and civic activities and friends and family

and be busy all the time, so it may not register that you are in fact lonely at the soul level. But here's the good news. While it may seem that existential loneliness is a heavier lift and harder to fix because it just feels so big, it's actually easier to fix and to fix fast if you are willing to do what is required to fix it. Okay, that's the big if because going out there to make new friends takes a lot of effort. You got to get out there and meet people and they got to also want to be making friends too. So there's a lot that goes into meeting people and developing a new friendship. But being willing to be seen is a decision. It's a simple decision that you can make right now to start showing up more of who you really

are. No hiding, no pretending, no lying or pleasing or biting your tongue, no more keeping people at a distance emotionally. All that stuff that we do to block intimacy and being our true selves, okay? It's a fear of rejection underneath it all that has us lying and hiding about who we really are in our relationships. Once you start sharing your full, real self, people will finally be able to see you, and the connections that you already have in your life will deepen, and you won't feel lonely

when you allow yourself to be seen. You can just start showing up this new way with all the people who are already in your life and begin nurturing those existing relationships to deepen. That's why it's easier to fix because it is about you just deciding to show up in this new way. You can start seeing and feeling a difference very quickly. And then anyone new that you encounter and meet along the way who you wish to connect with in a deeper way can more easily become that kind of connection for you. But here's the thing, not everyone is willing or capable of this kind of authenticity and transparency. But when you are able to show up open and fearless, you will attract others who are similar and who

are of a kind, okay? And you'll start creating more authentic connections in your life and you'll start creating more authentic connections in your life and you will not feel nearly as lonely as you have been. Thanks to all of you for submitting your questions. Please keep them coming. It is so helpful for me and to all of our listeners. So I really appreciate you. I'll see you next time.