The Hilary Silver Podcast - Q&A with Hilary

Episode Date: June 12, 2024

Episode #11: Your Questions, Answered! Welcome to another bonus episode of The Hilary Silver Podcast: "Your Questions, Answered!" Today, Hilary takes on questions submitted by listeners, tackling a wide range of personal and emotional queries. This episode not only answers listener-specific questions but also touches on universal themes that resonate with anyone looking to improve their emotional and psychological wellbeing through their relationship with SELF.   Episode Highlights Hilary addresses complex personal questions on topics ranging from anxiety and intuition to managing insecurities and personal growth. Listener interaction through questions that resonate with broad audience experiences. Practical advice delivered with Hilary's characteristic empathy and insight, providing actionable steps and new perspectives on common struggles. Episode Breakdown [00:00:01] Introduction: Hilary introduces the podcast and sets the stage for a session of listener-driven content. [00:02:34] Community and Support: Discussion on the importance of community and shared experiences in personal growth and emotional health. [00:14:34] Addressing Listener Questions: Hilary, along with her friend and creative director Jess, answers pre-selected questions from the audience, providing deep dives into each issue. [00:47:25] Anxiety and Intuition: A nuanced exploration of how to distinguish between anxiety driven by intuition versus insecurity. [01:10:18] Addressing Personal Challenges: Tips on managing personal struggles with ADD, slow processing, and self-image issues. [01:34:45] Motivation and Self-Care: Advice on finding motivation for fitness and self-care, emphasizing the importance of self-priority. Listener Takeaways Empathy and Connection: Understand you're not alone in your struggles—common threads run through everyone's experiences. Practical Strategies: Learn practical ways to manage anxiety, trust your intuition, and embrace your personal challenges. Empowerment: Gain insights on how to empower yourself by prioritizing your needs and setting actionable goals.

Hi, it's Hillary. Welcome to the Hillary Silver Podcast. One of the reasons that I closed my therapy practice in 2017 to launch the Ready for Love Company and then also the Ready for Love top tier program as a group is because after hearing client story after client story up to thousands of stories over the course of nearly 15 years, what I had come to realize was that if there's something that one of us is worried about, wondering about, concerned about, thinking about, struggling with, it is something that all of us are worrying about, wondering about, struggling with, and thinking about. And there's absolutely nothing like being in a community or being in an intimate group of other people who are talking

about the very things that we are thinking about. We are never alone and there is no better way to experience that than actually being in a community or a group, hearing each other asking these questions in this format. And it's actually the most cutting edge way to expedite transformation and growth by doing things in a group or in a community. When I offer workshops and programs, I often offer them and host them as a live experience where I create content and material to present. and I've been calling these episodes conversations, but today it truly is a conversation because those of you who have submitted questions will be heard and I get to hear what you're thinking about and wondering about and your reactions and responses to some of the things

that I've been talking about. So it is truly a conversation today. And we typically think about a client being in the hot seat when they are getting coached or getting guidance by some kind of speaker or guru or expert of some kind. Well, I actually think about it as I'm the one in the hot seat today because I'm here with my friend and creative director, Jess, and she's the one who has plucked these questions randomly from our list of submissions. I have absolutely no idea what these questions are. I don't know what they are. So I actually feel like I'm the one in the hot seat.

My ass is already burning. So we're just going to dive right into the Q&A today. And thank you all for your submissions. If you did not submit a question, I encourage you to do so. This is for our subscribers only. So before we dive in, I just want to remind you to subscribe because that is how you can join the conversation and get your questions answered every so often when we do these Q&A episodes. So welcome to Jess. Hi, Jess. Hey, Hillary.

How are you? Thanks for being here. What you got for me? Like lay it on me. I'm ready and prepared. Okay. So we actually received quite a few questions about anxiety, which is interesting, but not surprising, I think. So I'm going to pitch you this first one

because it's really interesting to me as well. And this is the question. How do we discern between anxiety caused by intuition and anxiety caused by insecurity? Ooh. Okay. So anxiety caused from intuition versus anxiety caused from insecurity. So first of all, thank you. Thank you. Thank you for being willing to acknowledge you're feeling anxious. You're feeling it. So that is your cue. As I said on the anxiety episode, that is your cue

to look towards yourself with curiosity. And what you are discovering is there's something there. You're not sure if it's intuition or insecurity, which we did not talk about intuition is really our sixth sense. It is the sixth sense that no one really talks about, but it is our felt sense. It is the deepest part of us that is experiencing something in reaction to a life event, an exchange we're having, you're meeting somebody and your intuition is saying, ooh, or you're being presented with an opportunity, or maybe you're about to make an investment in something or start a business or go out on a date with somebody or whatever. And your intuition is that deep feeling part of yourself that is sensing what is right or not right for you. And we have to listen to that and not dismiss it. When we dismiss it is when we get into trouble. And as I taught in the anxiety episode, when we ignore or dismiss the primary feeling that we're having is when we feel anxiety, when we feel anxious.

So in this case, the primary feeling is your intuition is saying something's not right. Something's not right. This doesn't feel good. Right? So good. We want to listen to that. The only way that you're going to know if this is an intuitive thing is to lean into that and to be curious about it. Ask yourself, what is it about this person? What is it about this situation? What is it about whatever this triggering event is that's causing me to have this response that is making me feel this situation? What is it about whatever this triggering event is that's causing me to

have this response that is making me feel this way? Is this person maybe not honest? Are they not being authentic? Maybe you don't have evidence to prove that, but something is telling you it's off. It's not right. If it smells like a fish, it is a fucking fish. Our intuition is often correct. And we ignore it when we aren't willing to listen. So listen, listen, listen, and lean into that with curiosity and you will find your answer. Now, let's talk about insecurity. Your insecurity could be self-doubt about

the way you're thinking about something. When we think about insecurities, it's, I don't feel good about myself in this one way or in these many ways. I don't feel good about how I look. I don't feel good about my intellect. I don't feel good about something. I'm unsure of myself. I'm insecure about myself in some way. That's why I'm saying it almost doesn't matter because ultimately it's part of inside of you. If you're not trusting yourself, then you will be insecure. So if this person who submitted this question, I'm speaking to you, and then anybody else who's listening can follow along, what are you insecure about in this situation? Are you not trusting yourself that what you're feeling is right? Are you not trusting or are you doubting yourself that your perspective is valid?

You're dismissing yourself. You think you're not smart enough. There's something about yourself in this case that only you can answer that you're feeling insecure. So both, whether it's your intuition telling you something or your insecurities, it all comes back to going back to yourself and asking the right questions. What am I doubting? What am I feeling? What is going on with me? And rather than dismiss it and push it away and ignore it, you're listening to it. You're giving it voice. You're giving it room. If you're listening, then you won't be doubting and you won't be questioning and you will learn to trust. And your anxiety about the situation is likely to go away because you're listening to you. And then whatever you have to do about the situation

or the person that's causing all of this will be more clear for you. Does that help? What do you think? Do you think there's a follow-up question that this person might have or anybody else might have, Jess? I'm not sure. I don't think so because I think what you're saying is very clear. And also, I like the idea that maybe it doesn't really matter. Maybe the answer is more simple, right? Well, it doesn't really matter whether it's being

caused by your intuition or your insecurity, because both of them are directing you back inside anyway to say, hey, pay attention, something's off, right? I think maybe intuition is leaning more on an external factor and insecurity is more of an internal one. But regardless, both of them would cause you to look inside. Yeah. Insecurity is like a lack of trusting self, not feeling good enough about self. I'm insecure about how I look in this outfit. I'm insecure about whether I'm smart enough. I'm not feeling good enough about myself in whatever one area. And yeah, that is something that needs attention. But it's about self-doubt.

And when you lean on the intuition side of things, you won't doubt when you start listening and you start trusting. So I guess the answer to both is self-trust either way and knowing that you've got your own back. And again, bringing it all the way back to the very beginning is anxiety will go away when you actually are listening and paying attention to the primary feeling,

which is what this listener is doing. So you're already on the right track. Yay. Okay. What's the next question? Okay. So this is coming from someone who says they are dealing with ADD, slow processing and memory struggles. So what they say is this, this has caused me a great deal of stress and anxiety because I'm trying to hide it. It's also causing me to feel depressed because it takes me so long to do anything. And I feel like I'm always trying to keep up. How do I come clean with this information without it sounding like an excuse and taking the risk of other people looking down on me or thinking I can't do the job?

Ooh, well, okay. So we haven't talked about ADD on any of our episodes again, check Mark, put that on the list. I love talking about that. Um, whether it's ADD or dyslexia, or I eat too much in the evening or whatever, what I'm hearing overall, if we're going to broaden this out and zoom out, we're making this about not feeling good about the self. Feeling shame about any way that we are, who we are, how we are in any way, our deficiencies, our challenges, our weaknesses, our struggles, things that we're not great at. If we feel bad about it, then A, that's no way to live in the world. So it's about making peace with ourselves and creating this unconditional love

and positive regard for ourselves first and foremost. And I can come back to that in a second. But other people take their cues from you. So if you feel bad about yourself because of this ADD thing you've got going on, then anyone that you run into is going to feel that, feel that you feel bad about it, and they are going, it's like your invitation to treat you a certain way because of how you feel about it. So they take their cues from you. If you feel at peace with it, you've accepted it, you've even come to find that there are amazing, beautiful qualities in having an ADD brain, like endless creativity and so many other positive aspects of having an ADD brain. If you come to feel self-love and unconditional positive regard for yourself, no matter what, but especially because of this, then when you

share this information, that is what will be received by everybody in your life. So if you're hanging your head, walking around, woe is me, poor me, I'm embarrassed by this, then other people will sense that and treat you that way. They will treat you as somebody who has low self-worth. They will see you as somebody who has low self-worth. But if you walk around holding your head high, knowing all that you are and all of your beautiful, perfect imperfections, the way you are, they will receive you that way. As somebody who knows that they're amazing and completely imperfect and perfect just the way

you are, and that is how they are going to see you and treat you. It is challenging when you're not operating in the capacity or to the level that you would like to for whatever reason. But beating yourself up for it only is compounding the problem because now you're struggling with the problem and then you're piling it on top. We have a way of kicking ourselves when we're already down

and you have to knock that shit off right here, right now. It is not serving you in any way. It's already hard enough to not be as productive as you want to be in any given day, or to not be able to focus or whatever it is. That's enough. That is enough. I'm telling you right now, knock that shit off. You do not deserve to be treated that way by anyone, let alone you. Okay. That is really, that cannot say that more powerfully enough. When you stop beating up on yourself, you'll be able to just come up with some strategies, like solve the problem instead of spending all your time and energy beating yourself up for having the problem,

it doesn't serve you in any way at all. There are lots of strategies. Google them. Strategies for being more productive when you have ADD. Strategies for being more focused when you have ADD. We can do an episode on that, but for here and for right now, I'm just going to tell you to go do the good old Google thing and search because there's a lot of information online that can be helpful. And you might just need to experiment and try a few things before you figure it out. But it is absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. Nothing that we do is something to be ashamed of.

If you're looking for the answers and you're holding yourself accountable, which you are. So hugs to whoever that was and anyone else who can relate to that. A follow-up on that. So he also asks he or she, how do I come clean with the information without it sounding like an excuse or taking the risk of a person looking down? Yeah, thanks for reminding me the second half of that question. So it's not an excuse if you're not allowing it to be an excuse. There's the difference between explaining something

and making an excuse. I don't excuse a lot of our bad behavior, but I do explain it. Once we explain it and say, and an example might be, I have ADD and that makes it really hard for me to do X, Y, and Z. So a little patience would be great. Just know that I'm working on it and I'm doing everything that I can. You know, I've figured out some strategies, some compensatory strategies.

It's when you hold yourself accountable and you're not making an excuse for it, other people won't hear your excuse. They will hear your explanation. Again, going back to my original answer, which is people take their cues from you. If you are being a victim, they will hear victimhood. If you are taking radical responsibility, then that is what they will hear. A hundred percent. And they won't look down on you as long as you aren't looking down on you.

It starts with you always. Awesome. I think that more than answered the question. And I think that answered some other questions that weren't asked as well. Okay, good. Okay. So we've got another question here, which is interesting. I know that you are a highly motivated person. So this is a great question for you. It says this, what tips do you have that will give you the extra motivation you may need to get out of bed early and get your workout in when you really don't feel like it and you have too much on your to-do list. Okay, number one, you are always the first on your to-do list. Okay, you are always number one on your to-do list.

I'm going to share with you guys right now. It may come out backwards on Zoom, but workout, I even write it down before my first meeting of the day, before the first thing that I do. I literally write it down because it's part of my day, every day, number one, always. Sometimes I find myself at the gym out of sheer force of habit, without a plan. I don't know what I'm even going to be doing. I may not even be in the mood and I get there and without a plan. I don't know what I'm even going to be doing. I may not even be in the mood and I get there and I'm like, I don't know, but I'm there because it's a habit and I just get my ass there no matter what. I am always on my to-do list.

That is a non-negotiable. So for number one, to answer this question, first things first, you are always on your to-do list as number one. You don't come last on your to-do list. You are number one. Now, when we're talking about motivation, you all have to find your own motivation for exercise and fitness. For me, if I sit down in my chair, which I'm right here almost all day, if I don't move my body by the end of the day, A, I don't sleep very well. I'm not happy with myself. I can be irritable with my family. And I don't like the way it feels.

I literally don't like the way it feels. So that is part of what motivates me is my future self. Will the future Hillary, how is the future Hillary going to feel if I don't work out? She's not going to be happy. She's going to be mad. She's going to be angry. She's going to be resentful. She's going to be resentful. She's going to be irritable. So for me, what gets me

working out every day is how am I going to feel at the end of the day if I have done this or if I haven't done it? And I love going to bed with a clear conscience. I just do. Knowing that I can put my head down on that pillow at night and say I did the best that I could. It's not always perfect and it ain't always pretty. I can promise you that for sure. But I've done the best that I could that day with what I had available to me. Sometimes it means I don't work out. That is the ultimate in self-care is recognizing, do I need to do this today or do I need not to do this today? Sometimes saying like ultimate in self-care is saying yes to yourself. And sometimes it's saying

no to yourself. So I'm internally motivated by how I, how I'm going to feel at the end of the day, but one more thing about that, I personally am motivated by how I want to feel in my clothes and how I want to look, call me vain, I don't care, I want to look a certain way, and when I don't look that way, I'm not happy, and also how my clothes fit and the kind of clothes, I love fashion. I love style. So if I'm not able to wear the things that I want to wear and feel fabulous when I'm wearing them, that is part of the motivation for me. It just is. If I didn't care about clothes or style or fashion, if it wasn't something that I was into, then maybe that wouldn't be the case for me, but it is. If I didn't care about clothes or style or fashion, if it wasn't something that I was into, then maybe that wouldn't be the case for me, but it is. So that's, that was, that was kind of geared

towards me as a, as a person who works out a lot. So I'm just giving you my personal way of, of managing that. What about you? For me personally? Yes, Jess, you. Oh goodness. Maybe it's not working oh goodness maybe it's not working out maybe it's not working out but when there's some like what when there's something that like how do you stay motivated to do the things that you do what do you what do you do well I alternate unpleasant with pleasant right so I always give myself the most unpleasant task of the day first, followed by something that's pleasant. And that way I have that sense of accomplishment that's able to kind of propel me through the list, right? So I always try to reward myself with something that I enjoy after doing something that is just one of those things that must be done,

right? Because there's a lot of things that all of us, whether you're a mom or not a mom, whether you're working or not working, I think everyone faces adulting, right? Which is like, this is an unfortunate thing that I must do. We, you know, so working through those must do's and alternating them with the get to do's. That's kind of the way that I work through it because I know it has to be done. And I also understand I hate the feeling of not doing it. I hate like you said, you called it going to bed with a clear conscience, going to bed. It's almost like an inbox zero, right? Going to bed without that nagging feeling of, oh, no, I didn't do it. I must do it. Now I have to do it tomorrow.

Yeah. You know, it's just better, I think, when you really start to understand yourself, you can kind of work with yourself. Exactly. Which makes me sound schizophrenic, but I think you know what I mean. Like when you go into yourself, you say, okay, look, I know what I need to do to feel my best. And I know what I need to do to do the things that I must do for others that rely on me. You know, I think that that's, that's a big part of it too. Yeah. I love that. That is so good. And to add to that, for me, I am more high energy in the morning. So I, I wake up at like four 30, sometimes like on average between four and five. So around four 30 is when I wake up, I do all the workouts and, and, you know, my mindset stuff in the morning, and I'm most creative and productive in the morning. So I like to do the things that require me to be sharp and focused in the morning.

And I personally save those phone calls to the doctor, the phone calls that I don't want to make or the things that I have to do for the afternoon when I don't need my full brain, when I don't need all my high energy. And I can just crank that stuff out towards the end of the day. So we're different in that way. And I love that because some people are going to do it your way and some people will do it our way or just find somewhere in between. But I like, you know, working, like you said, when you know yourself really well, you work with yourself and you develop your own

strategies. And to me, high energy stuff, creative stuff has to be done in the morning. And then brainless, mindless crap can be done in the afternoon for me. But it does feel good at the end when I've done it all. Absolutely. Yeah. Okay. I like that one. This is a good question too. Okay.

So this is from someone who is saying that they do, they understand that they deal with anxiety, but they didn't realize that the anxiety was coming from them pushing their feelings down and not feeling their feelings. Right, so this has been something that they've alone at night in order to deal with the anxiety and not feeling the feelings because they don't want to feel the feelings. So they're drinking. So how should I best do this? It sounds like a silly question, but clearly I'm struggling with it. It's not that I'm afraid to stop drinking. It's just that I understand when I stop drinking, I'll just start doing anything else to fill,

to not feel the feelings. Oh my gosh. Well, I, first of all, hugs to this person for their honesty and like, this deserves a fuck. Yeah. Can we just say everybody fuck? Yeah. To the person who asked this question, because I love you for this. You're already taking accountability. You're already saying, I do this, I do this, and I love you for that. So it deserves a fuck yeah. The drinking at night is self-soothing. You're trying to take care of yourself, but you're actually not. You're numbing out. You're turning away. The anxiety feels like shit. People self-medicate. Sometimes it's with alcohol. Sometimes it's with food. Sometimes it's with getting high or edibles or whatever. Sometimes self-medicating isn't really about a substance.

It's watching Netflix until oblivion. It's for this particular person drinking too much. Well, what ends up happening is now you have a secondary problem. The secondary problem is I drink too much and maybe even a tertiary problem. I'm gaining weight because I'm getting all these calories at night. And maybe even a fourth problem. I don't sleep well because now I've had too much to drink. In case anybody doesn't know, like the alcohol that has you passing out as you get older, we are more sensitive to that. And when your liver starts breaking down, now somebody who does a lot of science may argue this point and I'm open to it. But what I've read is that the sugars, once you start breaking it down, actually wake you up.

And I've experienced that. If I've ever had a little bit too much wine, which I'm not a big drinker, but if I do drink too much, I might kind of fall asleep really fast. But then in the middle of the night, I'm wide awake. And I think that's what's going on. So four problems now, all because not wanting to deal with the initial problem. So when we're talking about motivation to doing the things that we don't really wanna do, there's a lot of reason here to do it, to sleep better, to not have these extra calories at night and to not have this problem of being too much of a drinker.

And anxiety, as I talked about in that episode, is a secondary problem or a secondary emotion. So the primary emotion is something that this person doesn't want to feel. And I'm sorry, I don't blame you because sometimes our feelings are uncomfortable. But we have to be willing to feel whatever it is that we're feeling at night, during the day, whenever we're feeling it, because it's critical for us to have a relationship with ourselves. If you aren't willing to feel what you're feeling in those evening moments when you're alone, you won't know what's eating at you. You won't know what's bothering you. You won't know what's causing you to feel this way. And then therefore you can't do anything about it. So whatever it is that's going on in your life that's causing this will stay in your life and continue to cause it. So now you're stuck forever.

The only way to break this cycle of not drinking too much and avoiding your feelings because you have anxiety and blah, blah, blah, is to actually go towards the root issue. Go to the source, put your Wonder Woman outfit on and get your armor out, get your shield out, get your goggles on, whatever you need to do to arm yourself. But go there.

And I want to remind you, there is absolutely nothing that you will find underneath it all that will melt you, kill you, shrivel you, destroy you. There is nothing going on inside of you that you cannot handle. You are more powerful than you know. You are more resourceful than you give yourself credit for. You are smarter than you are giving yourself credit for. You will figure this out. And to be honest, it's going to feel so much better than you think it will. I promise you, you are feeling whatever you're feeling at night because there's something going on causing you to feel it. And until you are willing and ready to be honest with yourself about that,

you're going to keep running from yourself. How long are you going to run from yourself? This is your one life. One life. You get one life. Are you going to keep running away from yourself or are you going to meet yourself exactly where you are? Be your own best friend. Get your own back. Take care of you. And be fully self-centered. I promise you the drinking will stop when you stop feeling anxious all the time. And I promise you you'll stop feeling anxious all the time if you're willing to feel what you're really feeling.

Because when you feel what you're really feeling, now you're getting to the truth about your life and that there's something probably that needs to change. If it's a situation, change the situation. If it's something about yourself that you're not happy with, okay. I know it doesn't feel good to see those things, but they're there whether you look at it or not. So look at it, my friend. Look at it. It's just you. You're not that scary.

There's nothing that scary about you. You're not a monster. There is nothing that you will find that will destroy you. So that's what I want to say about that. How was that? That was so good. That was good. That was good. This is hard work though. I mean, I think we have to acknowledge that this is really hard. Doing the work is really hard, but when you're on the other side of it, you feel so much better. Relief. You know, when you have like a slight headache or a slight stomach ache or something isn't like killing you. It's not over the top painful, but it's just uncomfortable enough that you're living your life with it.

And then all of a sudden it goes away. That feeling of relief is profound. Relief from pain is the best feeling ever. That's what awaits on the other side of this. We get very used to walking with a limp, right? Or you have like a, you know, your toe hurts and so you're walking funny. Or, you know, your muscles are sore so you're kind of walking around stiff. When that goes away and you can just walk

without thinking about walking, oh my God, it's life-changing. So I just want everybody to be willing to do that work, to live free. Like, oh my God, it's the best feeling ever. What else, any more? I think that's it. Okay. Well, that was so fun. I can't wait to do our next one. I know. That was awesome. I feel like I got so much out of that. Yay, me too. I love, it lights me up. Sometimes I actually have a hard time,

to be honest, coaching and answering questions when somebody's really in pain because I feel the potential and the possibility and I get really energized by that. So, you know, I go to this like, I know what it's like on the other side. So let's get you there as fast as possible. And it's not as hard as we think it's going to be. It's not as scary as we think it's going to be, especially to note the therapy episode. When you don't look backwards and get stuck in the pain and the trauma in the past and the shit that's happened, and we're ready to look forward and move forward and focus on what do I need to do and how do I do it? Let's go, let's get there. That is life-changing too. And that's really where I want everybody to be going. That's where we're headed. We have more control over where we end up when we're willing to look

at more about what we want for ourselves moving forward than focusing on the past and what's been done wrong to us and how we've been done wrong. How we got here doesn't matter as much as where do we want to go? Honestly, truly. It's an interesting part of the story. It's an interesting part of the conversation. How did I get here? It's great self-awareness, but people get stuck on that part of the journey, on that part of the story. And I just say, if you can't look backwards and figure things out quickly, don't get stuck there. You know, move forward. And actually, as you move forward, sometimes the stuff from the past comes to be illuminated. And that's great.

It can come as you're moving forward. But because our growth isn't always linear, it can be a messy scribble scrabble, you know, on a page. But focusing on where we want to go and what we really want for ourselves rather than what we don't want is really the way to go. So thanks everybody for listening. And if you want to submit your questions, Jess, tell everybody how to do that. Head on over to hillarysilver.com, go to the podcast section,

just click the button that says podcast. And right there, you'll see a place to nominate. And that's where you can drop your questions. Ooh, that's the funny picture on the website where I'm like, it's like, are you freaking out about something? Yeah. It's like, you're freaking out. That's exactly the best place to submit your questions. Make sure that you've subscribed. All of our subscribers get these podcast episodes dropped on Tuesdays, the day before everybody else. And you get other kinds of benefits and goodies. So subscribe to our email list so that you are alerted to all these things.

And you can actually hit just reply to any of our emails and also submit your questions that way. We will be doing these Q&As every so often when we feel like we have some really good juicy questions that everyone listening can benefit from. And that's all for today. Make sure that you rate and review wherever you watch your podcasts so that other people can find us. And we will see you on the next episode. Thanks so much for joining the conversation today. I hope you learned something new or heard something that inspired you to take action in a new way. As your greatest champion and someone who truly cares about your love, happiness, wealth, and success. I always want to encourage you to ask yourself this question.

How have I contributed? You are the only person who can ask this and the only one who can answer it. This doesn't just change your life. This changes everything.