The Hilary Silver Podcast - Stay Fit Over 40: Rules vs Results After 40 (I Wish I Knew This Sooner)

Episode Date: May 30, 2025

Still following the fitness rules from your 30’s and wondering why they aren’t working anymore? Hilary is here to tell you: It’s time to break up with the punishing workouts, the rigid food rules, and the guilt-tripping voice in your head. At 52, Hilary is in the best shape of her life. She’s leaner, stronger, and more energized than ever, and she’s doing it without tracking macros, counting calories, or wrecking her body with HIIT workouts. In this refreshingly real episode, Hilary breaks down the five shifts that helped her finally get the results she wanted, not just physically, but mentally and emotionally too. From unlearning outdated fitness “rules” to adopting a mindset rooted in self-devotion (not self-discipline), she shares how tuning out the noise and tuning into her own body changed everything. You’ll hear about her exact lifestyle habits, how she makes working out something she actually enjoys, and why flexibility matters just as much as strength. No shame, no extremes, no performative BS, just smart, doable shifts that honor where you are now.   Episode Highlights: The real reason your old routines aren’t working anymore Why pushing harder might be hurting more than helping The mindset shift that changed Hilary’s entire approach to fitness Her go-to workouts, food philosophy, and everyday habits How to prioritize yourself unapologetically—at the gym and everywhere else Episode Breakdown: [00:00] Fitness Wake-Up Call [01:44] Listening to Your Body [03:10] From Punishment to Self-Devotion [06:10] Defining Strength + Health on Your Terms [07:12] Habits That Actually Support You [10:11] Prioritizing Yourself [11:14] Making Fitness Enjoyable [15:26] Self-Devotion > Self-Discipline   Ready to break the rules and feel amazing in your body again? Let this episode be your permission slip. Want to go deeper? Check out Hilary’s Self Devotion program to turn this mindset into your everyday way of being. [https://hilarysilver.com/self-devoted/]

If it's getting harder and harder to stay fit as you age, and what you used to do no longer works, and if you're tired of punishing your body with workouts that hurt, or you're confused about what to eat and all those shoulds that you are supposed to be doing to stay fit and look a certain way, this conversation is for you.

I'm 52 years old, and I'm in the best shape of my life. I'm leaner and stronger and more confident than ever, but I don't count calories and I don't track my macros and I quit high intensity workouts years ago. And while I'm not a nutritionist, a personal trainer or a fitness influencer or anything like that, I get these questions all the time. What do you eat and what are your workouts

and what's your secret? How do you stay so fit, especially in your 50s? What are you doing? So today I am sharing exactly what I've been doing to achieve these results. And it's really about letting go of all those shoulds. Hi, it's Hillary. Welcome to the Hillary Silver podcast. Thanks for tuning into the conversation today. If you haven't already, it would mean so much to me if you'd take a minute to just click that five star rating on your podcast app, leave a review and subscribe so you never

miss one of my episodes. And if you're enjoying this podcast, please consider sharing it with a friend because if you like it, they will probably like it too. It's so weird for me to be having this conversation today because I never in a million years would have ever thought of myself as an example for fitness. I'm five foot one and I don't exactly have that body type. But here I am having this conversation with you because it is one of the most commonly asked questions that I get. So I'm sharing what I've been up to in the last few years five changes that have gotten me into the best shape of my life, gave me my best body, and along with it my peace of mind, which is way more important than anything. So the

first thing that I did was listen to myself. I literally hit the pause button on what I was doing like blowing the whistle and taking a time out. All that I had been doing for my workouts and my fitness routine had become such a habit that I was doing it all on autopilot, which of course on the one hand is great because I have a daily habit of working out. But I was doing it all without paying attention to myself. And what I had been doing in my 30s and 40s, especially to bounce back after babies, just wasn't feeling good to me anymore.

But I kept doing it. I was doing hardcore HIIT workouts and boot camps and orange theory and going all out and running long distances just to see how far I could go and even how fast I could go. I was lifting super heavy weights, like ridiculously heavy weights at a gym that's meant for bodybuilding. I did it all.

But as I approached 50, I began to feel like it wasn't energizing me anymore, but it was fatiguing me. And I wasn't feeling fit, but I was feeling inflamed. And it was taking me longer to recover and to rehydrate. And I just felt like I needed to rest during the day, which is just not how working out

is supposed to make you feel. It was actually making me feel old. But I kept pushing forward as usual, noticing the fatigue, but not changing anything, but pushing through. So one day I had a come to Jesus moment with myself and I literally heard what I was saying, my inner monologue, and what I was saying was really important information.

For me, I was doing all of that to prove that I could. Prove that I could. That's crazy. I had been the last picked in gym class in elementary school, little Hillary, and I really always thought of myself as unathletic. And so there was this subconscious need to prove I am fit. I am a badass. I can do these hard things. Proving to myself that I can fit. I am a badass. I can do these hard things, proving to myself that I can. And I realized, holy shit, that is just not a kind and loving way of being. It was actually rather punishing. How I was approaching all of my workouts was discipline.

So I just stopped it immediately. This is not how I want to treat myself or talk to myself at all. So I encourage you to tune in and listen to yourself. What are you saying to yourself about your body, about your workouts? Are you proving? Are you punishing? Are you being too critical of yourself? Maybe you're saying things like, this is just the way my body is.

This is just my body type. I'm doing all that I can. It's not my fault. Nothing is really working. I just want you to listen to what is your relationship to this part of your life. Because as we all know, our old friend Einstein said, doing the same thing over and over,

but expecting different results is insanity. I just call it denial. So are you happy with the results of whatever it is that you're doing? Because if not, it is time for something different, a different approach, a different workout or a different mindset. This leads me to the next change that I made. I tuned out all the noise of all the people telling me all the things that I'm supposed to be doing.

The keto, the paleo, the intermittent fasting, the macros and grams of protein and eating for your body type or your blood type, making sure you get 10,000 steps and lifting heavy weights. There's so much. I even bought that little device that you blow into to measure whether you're burning fat. There's just, it's ridiculous.

It's just too much information. A lot of it is conflicting and they're passing trends and passing fads and it can just overwhelm anyone, cause analysis, paralysis and overthinking. And that is no way to live. And that's what I was stuck in. So I decided to just stop all of it.

I literally broke all the rules and decided to do things my way. I'm kind of a rule breaker anyway. I don't know about you, but it's hard for me to follow a set of arbitrary rules that are rigid. It's a setup for failure. And I've never ever been able to follow a diet and count calories. Telling me to do something specific every single day just doesn't work for me because what if I don't feel like it?

What if I don't want to? Or what if I do want to? And then I would beat myself up or feel bad for not being able to stick to it. I once had a trainer ask me, what kind of body do you want to build? And I couldn't answer her for a minute because that didn't feel right to me. And what I realized is I don't want to build my body. I don't want to look super muscular. I want to be strong, but not to have the biggest muscles that I can have. So I decided what I want to look like,, not what the influencers say and not what the aging doctors say or what fitness people say, but what I want to look like. And what is ideal for me is

maybe not ideal for you. We all get to choose. Being strong and having muscle as we age is important, but I decided to get to a certain place and then work to maintain that baseline for myself, but not to keep building as much as possible. For me, I want to have a lean, tone, and feminine form. And I not only want to be strong, but I also want to be flexible because that is just as important for avoiding injury as we age. So just tune out all the noise and break all the rules. Make your own rules. Be unruly. It's better to just adopt a lifestyle with guidelines rather than rules. It's like having bumpers instead of guardrails to gently keep you in line. It's a kinder and more loving and more gentle approach towards yourself. Now for change number three. I'm going to share my lifestyle habits. Again, it's a high level set of

rules or bumpers or guidelines for myself. And as long as I stay in bounds, I'm good. And while I'm getting to the specifics here, what is more important is the psychology of it all, the mindset about it. It's how I feel about it and my approach. So I'm going to share with you my kind of guiding principles that I live by. And the first one is that I move my body every single day. It's just a part of my life. It's just what I do. It's a non-negotiable. I don't think about if I'm going to work out today. I don't even think about when. It's a given. I just wake up and I do it every morning like a habit, like brushing my teeth. There's no deciding, there's just doing. And I don't even take rest days because I'm not over exerting my body so much that I need to rest the next day.

Sometimes I work out in the morning and do a walk in the afternoon in the summertime because I want to. I sit all day for work and so it just feels good for me to get up and move. And sometimes it's more about my mental health than it is anything else. Next, you might like this one, I eat what I want when I want. No depriving myself or starving myself

because I'm supposed to be fasting for 12 hours or 16 hours. That feels really abusive to me to be starving and make myself wait to eat. I don't like that at all. I also don't cut out food groups anymore. Like bread used to be a big no-no for me, but now I literally have a piece of sourdough toast for breakfast pretty much every morning

along with my vegan protein smoothie. I eat when I'm hungry, not when I'm supposed to. And I listen to my body. It's a more intuitive approach to eating. The key here for me is to not overeat. As long as I'm not overeating, I'm good. I will share in transparency that I am mostly plant-based. I don't eat cows or pigs or dairy,

but this is more about a moral issue than a health issue and ideally I would be fully vegan, but I haven't gotten myself quite there just yet. I also should share that I just don't eat junky processed food or fast food. It's really just not a part of my life. It doesn't feel like I'm depriving myself. I just don't like it. It's gross to me.

And so it's an easy, it's easy for me to avoid that. So I just make healthy choices. And I just keep in mind that I need to have fiber and protein. That's pretty much it. And I don't even always get that right. So what? I'm just letting myself live. So two other parameters for me,

but this is something that I just do naturally, but I should mention it because it probably does contribute a lot to my fitness. And that is that I don't eat after dinner, which is usually done around six or seven, depending on the time of the year or the day of the week, or if we have plans with friends, things like that. But in general, I don't snack late at night or eat after I'm done eating dinner. I just don't. That gives me a natural fasting window and I just don't feel like I need any more fuel if I'm just winding down and going to bed. And finally, this one is probably the hardest for everyone. Alcohol and sweets. I just keep that to a

minimum. I just don't indulge that often and it's not that hard for me because I'm a super lightweight and after one one drink, I'm already feeling it. So it just doesn't feel that good to me to have more than that. And only occasionally when I do have the sweets, I enjoy it without guilt or remorse or self recrimination. Avoiding sweets is also not hard for me because I'm more of a savory kind of girl.

I would definitely tend to overdo it with French fries over desserts any day. me because I'm more of a savory kind of girl, I would definitely tend to overdo it with french fries over desserts any day. So those were my four kind of lifestyle habits. Now we're going back to the fourth change. And this isn't actually something that I've started to do recently. I've been doing this a long time and it is absolutely essential. And it is definitely one of the reasons that I look and feel so good.

And that is I make myself a priority. You have to make yourself a priority. If you've been with me for a long time, you know, I advocate for this all the time. It is absolutely critical that in your life you come first. If something is important to you, then it's important period because you are important. And if you don't make yourself a priority, no one else will. You can be too busy for a chore or an errand or a favor, but you are never too busy for yourself.

Okay. Repeat after me. I am never too busy for myself. The clients that are in my 12 week ready for love program often lose weight. I've heard nine pounds and 14 pounds and even 20 pounds in 12 weeks. And it's not because we're talking about nutrition,

but because of this very thing. These are high achieving women who are super successful in their careers and they often have kids. So they've come last in their lives for a long time. And making this one simple shift doesn't just change your fitness, it literally changes everything.

Number five, make working out and fitness enjoyable. So when I first started doing orange theory, it was fun. But after a while, it was not only boring, it was super predictable. And then it became tedious and I hated going, but I kept making myself go. One of my fellow 6AMers at the gym told me that he hates working out, but he's there every single day. And while good for him for being there,

something that you do every day, you don't wanna loathe doing it. How much harder would it be to follow through if that's how you feel about it, right? So here are a few tips to make it more enjoyable. The first is variety. Variety makes things so much more enjoyable. Every day I do something different. I just mix it up. What I do, whatever I'm in the mood for, whatever I feel like doing, whatever my body craves, and it's a little bit of each body part

every day. For me it's arms every day and ass every day so that all of my body gets attention. There are people who are at the gym who are very regimented and they've got their notebook and they're writing down how many reps and how many weights, and they have a plan and it's leg day or arm day or whatever and it's very regimented. If that works for you, then do it. But for me, I want this to be fun and not a should or a have to, but I get to. So, sometimes I just get to the gym and I don't even know what I'm going to do until

I get there and I make it up as I go. It's what I feel like doing. Sometimes it's light weights and lots of reps and sometimes it's heavy weights and fewer reps. I also do Tracy Anderson workouts like three or four times a week. I love this workout. Sometimes it's the full mat experience and sometimes it's just a 15 minute body boost after I've done weights.

It literally feels like I'm making love to the mat. It is a gorgeous, sensual experience for me and it's an amazing way to start the day. So if you're somebody who likes movement like Pilates and yoga or dance, I highly encourage you to try her workout. She has a free two week trial or something like that. I don't get any kind of kickback. I'm just

a loyal fan and I have been streaming her since 2019. A few other things to keep it enjoyable. Because working out is a huge part of my life. I literally wake up every day and get dressed to go work out. I invest in workout clothes. It's just a part of my wardrobe. I want wanna wear what makes me feel amazing, what is fun or flattering or makes me feel amazing when I'm working out. And I do this for me. Even if I'm just going for a walk or even during COVID

when I was working out in the basement, all alone, I was still putting on things that make me feel good. So go for it. There's no reason to work out and feel and look like a schlub. That's not motivating or inspiring. Okay, and lastly, I know a lot of people listen to podcasts or audiobooks when they're working out, but this is because they're in multitask mode or they're trying to be efficient with their time. I really highly encourage you to only listen to music while you

are working out. This is not a time for focusing on other. It is a time to be focusing on you. Let this be your time to connect to yourself. Make the mind, body, spirit connection because all the rest of the day, you are literally pulled out of your head and forced to interact with the world around you. So let this be your time to connect deeply with yourself.

So all of this is less about what you are doing and instead about how you are doing it. You're approaching your health and wellness and your body and working out and eating from a place of self-devotion rather than from a place of self-discipline. That is just a key distinction to make. So listen to yourself. You do know what is best for you. You do. And that really is the biggest takeaway from our conversation today. If you want to go deeper on this, I do have a program called Self-Devotion. I will drop the link in the show notes and in the description if you want to check it out. Thanks for being here and I'll see you next time.