The Hilary Silver Podcast - The Harsh Truth About Resentment & How To Let It Go

Episode Date: January 31, 2025

Resentment is toxic AF. It’s the sneaky little emotion that quietly poisons your mood, relationships, and maybe even your skin. In this episode, Hillary peels back the layers of resentment, exposing it as the blend of hurt, anger, and judgment that keeps you stuck in victim mode. Feeling overlooked or undervalued? It’s time to face the real truth: resentment is a YOU problem. It’s time to stop blaming others, own your role, and set yourself free from the soul-sucking cycle of stewing and simmering.   Episode Highlights: The toxic cocktail of emotions that make up resentment—and why it’s a joy killer. The uncomfortable but liberating truth: you’re responsible for your resentment. How passive-aggressive behavior is resentment’s messy, toxic cousin. Hillary’s no-BS three-step process to let it go, for good. Why being unapologetically self-centered is your ultimate superpower against future resentment.   Episode Breakdown: [00:00] Resentment [00:30] Meet Hillary! [01:05] Understanding Resentment [02:09] The Insidious Nature of Resentment [04:05] Why We Hold On to Resentment [05:55] The Harsh Truth About Resentment [07:07] Taking Responsibility for Resentment [09:03] The Power of Authenticity [10:48] Three-Step Process to Release Resentment [13:15] Moving Forward and Letting Go [14:07] Conclusion   💻 Ready to become Self-Devoted, Self-Satisfied, and Self-Made? Check out Hillary’s new programs: hilarysilver.com/shop.

feeling bitter or resentful about something? Maybe you're feeling stuck on something and just having trouble letting it go. Today I'm going to tell you something else that no one else will tell you that will actually set you free from any or all resentment that you have right now and that will actually prevent you from ever feeling resentful ever again. Ready to lighten your load? Let's get started. Ready to lighten your load? Let's get started. Hi, it's Hillary. Welcome to the Hillary Silver podcast. Thanks for tuning into the conversation today.

If you haven't already, it would mean so much to me. If you'd take a minute to just click that five star rating on your podcast app, leave a review and subscribe so you never miss one of my episodes. And if you're enjoying this podcast, please consider sharing it with a friend because if you like it, they will probably like it too. Resentment is a special kind of emotion because it's really a blend of hurt and anger and judgment and injustice all rolled up together.

It's very complex. At its core, resentment is fueled by a sense of unfairness. It's the belief that someone has wronged you in some kind of way that's unjust. This could stem from feeling overlooked, undervalued, or taken advantage of. It's about not having your needs met or considered, and that you're not really being valued or prioritized the way you feel that you should be. And then you tie it all up with a pretty little bow of powerlessness, like you're not in a position or that you're able to say or do anything about it, so it quietly stews and simmers beneath the surface. Sometimes you don't even realize that you're resentful until it starts

to affect how you think, feel, or act towards this other person. But the stewing and brewing is partly what makes resentment more insidious. Because it's not openly acknowledged or addressed. It's more kind of just sitting there underneath the surface and it festers. And rather than an overt expression like we get with anger, it oozes out of us in more subtle ways and it can often be expressed in passive-aggressive behavior. This is why it is so toxic. I call resentment the silent killer. It's like mold growing in the dark. You can't see it, but you can feel it. It's like acid erosion slowly eating away at our physical health, our emotional wellbeing,

and our relationships too. It's a joy killer, a desire killer, a relationship killer. And often the offense isn't even overt and obvious. Sometimes it's just very subtle and it's more about what the offense means rather than the offense itself. It's connected to a deeper sense of betrayal or inequity. And it's a prolonged exposure to a series of offenses that just add up,

creating a story about the person or the relationship that you're in. For example, you have a friend who's always late. This is annoying for sure, but resentment comes into play and starts to build if you believe this friend consistently doesn't respect your time, doesn't value you, or prioritize your relationship, and you feel unable to address it. Or maybe you have a business and you're constantly bending over backwards for your customers or your clients, or you're not charging enough for your services. When they continue to ask for more of you, you become resentful because you're not getting paid what you deserve, or you don't feel that they are

respecting your time or your boundaries. So why do we hang on to all this stuff when it doesn't feel so good? I'll tell you, and then I'm gonna tell you the harsh truth about resentment that no one else will ever tell you. And stick around until the very end because I'm sharing my three-step process for letting it go once and for all. So we hold on to resentment because it makes us feel righteous. See what you did to me? Yeah,

you! You did this to me, and I'm suffering because of it. We feel like we need recognition and acknowledgement of how we were done wrong. We didn't get our needs met in some way and are so stuck on that trespass or that infraction or that offense, resentment can feel like proof that our pain is valid and real. It's a way of saying, what happened to me was wrong and I am justified in feeling this way. When we're hurt, holding on to resentment can feel like a way to maintain power over the situation. By staying angry and letting it fester into resentment, we might feel like we're winning

or that we're refusing to let that other person off the hook, that we just cannot get over something until that person pays the price. We want an acknowledgement and an apology. It's kind of like our inner child is having a temper tantrum and we're stomping our feet and throwing ourselves on the ground and rolling around and flailing all over the place. That is really the image that I get and a feeling that I get inside when I'm talking about resentment. Waiting to get

that kind of closure means we may wait forever, and in the meantime, we cannot let go of this. It just feels unfinished. Meanwhile, that other person is just going on with their life. It is you who is suffering. We can literally be stuck on something that happened a long time ago. Even when we got an apology potentially at that time. We develop a habit of feeling a certain way and thinking a certain way. So we fall back into it. And sometimes we've already decided that person is just the way they are and that we can't let go of this thing. So we have this story running in our minds and in our heads about this person. So everything that they do going forward will be evidence to support how this story is true.

Complaining, blaming, and just being stuck. Resentment isn't even rational sometimes. I have literally heard moms air their secret resentment towards their kids who require so much time, attention, and sacrifice. But they didn't ask to be born, right? So it's just not always rational. Being resentful is one of the lowest vibrational states of energy that you can be in. It is victim mentality, and that blocks all good things from coming into your life.

Residing at this very low vibe state means you attract other low vibe people and situations into your life whether you realize it or not. So it is extremely important, if not vital, to learn what I'm about to share with you. So here's the harsh truth. Are you ready for it? If you are feeling resentful, it is your fault. How's that for a slap? If you are resentful, it is entirely on you. Let me tell you what I mean. It means that you haven't said something you really need to say. You haven't done something you really want to do.

Or you've done something you really did not want to do. Did you not speak up for yourself and end up doing something you didn't want to do, or you've done something you really did not want to do. Did you not speak up for yourself and end up doing something you didn't want to do? Be honest. I've had clients tell me that they had kids before they were ready because their partner was ready and wanted kids, so that is what they did. And then later they felt resentful towards their partner because they were made to do this before they were really ready.

Alternately, saying you don't want to have a child because you are with someone who doesn't want kids is the ultimate self-betrayal, and it becomes a relationship killer and a total deal-breaker for the relationship. Often the person who sacrificed their dream of being a parent becomes resentful towards the partner for their sacrifice, but in the end, who is it really that they should be upset with? I've had clients share resentment towards their partners who made them move to be closer to family or for their job. And that marked the very beginning

of the slow deterioration of the relationship. And I hear people say all the time things like, I couldn't be myself with that person, of the relationship. And I hear people say all the time things like, I couldn't be myself with that person, whether it's a friend or a lover or even at work. Listen, no one makes you do anything. It's you who ultimately decides to do something you don't wanna do or to not do something

you do want to do or to bite your tongue and not speak up. No one makes you move if you don't want to move. Have kids if you don't want to have kids, not have kids if you don't want to have kids, and no one can make you charge too little for your services or make you do anything for your clients that you aren't willing to do. And no one can make you not be yourself. Only you are able to choose whether you are going to be your full authentic self or not. No one can make you betray yourself. And no one makes you feel anything. Only you are in control of your thoughts and your feelings.

They may do things that are unkind, inconsiderate, or worse, but you are responsible for your own feelings. You may do or not do all these things because you're afraid of the consequences, sure, like a breakup or someone being mad at you or losing a client. But in the end, it is your decision how you respond, react, or handle yourself.

When we are not true to ourselves and we betray ourselves is when we end up resentful. It's ultimately misplaced and misdirected outrage and upset because the only person you should be upset with is yourself. I know that's really hard to swallow down, but taking responsibility for your choices completely frees you from the ball and chain around your ankle. You can actually let go of the tether, keeping you stuck on the person that you are resentful towards or the offense that you are resentful about. Releasing resentment allows you to be completely free from all those things, letting go of the old stuff and preventing anything new to be resentful about. It is totally liberating and completely life-changing.

Imagine just for a moment what it would feel like to free yourself from that heavy load, from that burden and just live. So here is my trademarked three step process for getting through this. And I recommend that you write this all down, pen to paper it and journal it out. You asked and I listened. You want more resources to start applying my advice. So I created three programs to help you level up the most important areas of your life.

Self-devoted to master health, fitness and self-care, self-satisfied to create the relationships you want in your life, and self-made to transform your money mindset and build wealth. If you choose all three of my self-centered programs with the bundle option, I'll bonus you the daily journal, which is the most effective tool

for creating true transformation in your life. Visit my website at hillarysilver.com forward slash shop to check them out. Number one, list the offense. What is this all about? What was going on at the time that this all happened? Just describe the situation. Step two, at the time that this all went down,

what did you do? Did you speak up? Did you not speak up? Take responsibility for that. What was your role here? If you didn't speak up, this is on you. If you bit your tongue, went along with along with it, went with the go with the flow kind of a thing, you have to fully own it and you have got to figure out how you're going

to make this right. It is never too late to speak up, but it's not okay to blame someone else for them getting their way when you didn't oppose or for doing something over and over when you never let them know how you feel about it. If you did speak up, what happened at the time? How did it go down? Did you not speak up loud enough, clearly enough? Did you not make yourself clear? Did you speak up but then give in in the end? Did you allow yourself to be bullied?

Did you speak up and then you were dismissed or disregarded? Just get honest with yourself about what happened that you ended up not getting what you needed or wanted. Step 3. Now, here are just two possible options for how to handle this. One, if you can, go back to that person and share your truth now. It can sound like this. I know I agreed to all of this, but it isn't working for me. I'm just not happy with this arrangement. Or I know I said yes, so that is on me and it's my role, but I'm not happy. So let's figure something else out.

And I feel like there is more to say or and at the time I thought I would be okay with it and I wanted to be okay with it but I'm not. Share why you ultimately made the choice that you did. Take responsibility for that and then offer to renegotiate because if you blame the other person you're going to get gridlock and a power struggle and they will get defensive and it will go nowhere. But if you go into that conversation owning your role and taking responsibility for your choices, you are going to get a lot further

in the negotiation process and in the resolution and reconciliation with this person that you are in a relationship with. Or if you did get what you needed from this person at the time, like an acknowledgement or an apology for something they did, but you're still holding on to it, it's time to let it go. Just stop holding on to it because it's making you feel like shit and it is toxic for you, your health, and your relationships. Resentment is victim-y. It's powerlessness. It's murder-y. And that is the lowest level energy and vibrational state that you can be in.

And like attracts like. So the longer you stay in this state, it only hurts you. You will attract other low vibe people and experiences into your life. And it repels all your big goals and dreams and desires and wishes. And anything is that it is that you want from coming into your life. And it just compounds your misery. Misery loves company, right?

We know that. So letting this all go opens you up, frees you to let in all kinds of high vibe things to come your way. Friendships, romance, opportunity, connection, wealth. So remember, it's up to you. You can choose to never experience feeling resentful ever again when you always speak up for yourself and make sure you are seen and heard and represented. The self-centered way gives you all the power to have the life you want.

Thanks for listening and I'll see you next time.