The Hilary Silver Podcast - The Myth of Too Much

Episode Date: April 25, 2025

If you’ve ever been told you’re too loud, too confident, too opinionated, or too ambitious—this episode is for you. Hilary’s not here to help you soften your edges. She’s here to remind you why you grew them in the first place. In this unapologetic episode, she calls out the centuries-old conditioning that taught women to shrink, stay agreeable, and prioritize everyone else’s comfort over their own truth. Spoiler: you’re not “too much.” You’re just too powerful for the people who benefit from you being less. Hilary shares the signs that you’ve internalized the myth of “too much” and breaks down the shift that happens when you stop minimizing yourself and start standing fully in your power. This episode isn’t about being polite. It’s about being self-centered—and no, that’s not selfish. It’s revolutionary.   Episode Highlights: How "too much" is just rebranded control Why being self-centered is your power move—not a personality flaw What happens when you stop dimming your light for someone else's comfort 3 shifts you can make today to stop apologizing and start expanding   Episode Breakdown: [00:00] The Myth of Being “Too Much” [00:54] Why Women Shrink Themselves to Fit [02:06] The Real Cost of Playing Small [03:42] You’re Not Too Much—They’re Just Uncomfortable [04:24] What It Really Means to Be Self-Centered [05:28] How to Break Free from People-Pleasing [06:31] Stop Apologizing. Start Leading. [07:35] Who Would You Be If You Weren’t Shrinking?   👑 Ready to stop chasing approval and start living for you? Watch Hilary’s free training This Changes Everything—linked in the show notes.

You've been told that you are too much your entire life, too opinionated, too ambitious, too direct, or too loud. But after working with thousands of women over the last 25 years, I can tell you without a doubt being self-centered is the antidote to this lie. If you've ever felt like you've had to shrink yourself to be accepted, this episode is for you. Hi, it's Hillary. Welcome to the Hillary Silver Podcast.

Thanks for tuning into the conversation today. If you haven't already, it would mean so much to me. If you'd take a minute to just click that five star rating on your podcast app, leave a review and subscribe so you never miss one of my episodes. And if you're enjoying this podcast, please consider sharing it with a friend because if you like it, they will probably like it too.

Since you were a little girl, you were conditioned to be nice, be agreeable, don't make people uncomfortable, go with the flow, don't make waves or cause trouble by grandparents, parents, educators, by religion, culture, and society. Because the moment that a woman stands in her power, she becomes a threat. Look at history. Women who spoke up were labeled uncontrollable.

Women who fought for their rights were difficult. And women who refused to conform were dangerous. And that just isn't ladylike. And even today, the message hasn't changed. It's just been rebranded. So now they call you too much. They say you're too opinionated, too intense, too confident, too independent. But what they really mean is you don't fit inside the box that we built for you, the box that they need for you to be in so that they can be more comfortable.

So they try to shrink you. They tell you to be less, less loud, less ambitious, less certain of yourself. They make you question your instincts, second guess and doubt yourself. And then you're wondering if you should just hold back just a little. And maybe without realizing it, you did. Maybe you softened your voice to not be intimidating.

Maybe you bit your tongue just to keep the peace. Maybe you made yourself a little smaller so other people could feel bigger. For years, you might have believed this lie, that you're too much. Let me invite you to think about how many times you have dimmed yourself just to keep the peace. Maybe you had a brilliant idea in a meeting, but instead of owning it, you phrased it as a suggestion so you wouldn't seem too pushy. Maybe you accomplished something incredible, but instead of celebrating it you kept it to yourself or you downplayed it so others wouldn't

feel uncomfortable. I've definitely done this and it just sucks to hold back something that you've done that is amazing instead of just sharing it. Maybe you had a strong opinion, but instead of standing by it, you softened your words so you wouldn't be called difficult. And maybe you told yourself this was just being considerate, that it was just about being polite, but that's not what was happening.

What's happening is conditioning, because every time you minimize yourself to make someone else comfortable, you send a message, not just to them, but to yourself. You're telling yourself that their comfort matters more than my truth. And when you send that message to yourself enough times, you start to believe it. You start to believe the myth of being too much. If I'm too much, I am not acceptable. I am not likeable.

I am not lovable. There's something wrong with me the way that I am. I am too much. And you start believing that it's your job to caretake other people's feelings and manage other people's reactions. That if someone feels threatened by your intelligence or your ambition or your confidence, it must mean that you're the problem. Again, something's wrong with you. So you make yourself smaller, you make yourself more agreeable, and you make yourself less. But the truth is, your intelligence and your confidence and your opinions, none of it is

too much. It's only too much for the people who were never meant to sit at your table in the first place. And the moment you realize this, you stop apologizing for taking up space. That is when the real shift happens. The shift where you finally take control of your life and break free from these patterns that are holding you back. Now you might be wondering,

Hillary, how do I make this shift? What is the real problem here? The real problem is simply that you believed this lie. You believed that you were too much, rather than being fully self-centered. Self-centered. Standing firmly, deeply rooted in who you are. You've spent your life measuring your worth by what others think of you, seeking their approval and how well you fit into the box

so that you can belong. Rather than knowing your worth is inherent, that it's intrinsic, it's inside of you. You've betrayed yourself to make others more comfortable rather than being true to yourself and showing up fully you. But remember, being too much is not real. It's conditioning and it's control. And the truth is when you fully accept this and realize it,

it changes everything. Being self-centered is not about being selfish, it's about putting yourself at the center of your own life. Finally, when you live as a fully self-centered human, you stop seeking approval and you start trusting yourself. You stop apologizing for taking up space and start expanding into it. You stop worrying about being too much and start being exactly who you are and who you've always been. And that means you are able to become who you're meant to be. And when you do this,

your entire life shifts. If you're ready to break free from this conditioning, here's how you can start being self-centered today. And remember, this isn't about being selfish or arrogant or self-absorbed. It's actually the opposite. It's about putting yourself at the center of your own life. First, stop measuring your worth by how well you fit in. Instead, start measuring your effectiveness by how fully and authentically you express yourself. How honest are you in sharing your opinions and inviting others to do the same?

Unapologetically take up space and hold onto yourself all the time. The more self-centered you are, the more grounded and powerful you become. Second, prioritize how you feel over how you are perceived. Instead of asking, how will they react to this? Start asking, does this feel true for me? And does this feel right for me?

Because the second you start living based on what you think, instead of what they expect, you take back your power. And that leads us to the final shift. Stop apologizing for being the woman you were always meant to be. You were never too much. You were only too much for people who benefit from you being less. You are supposed to stand out. You are supposed to lead. You are supposed to become the woman who doesn't need permission to exist fully and boldly and unapologetically. This is the most self-centered thing that you can do.

Own yourself completely and take up the space without apology. Live fully and loudly and boldly because the only validation that matters is your own. Let me say that again. The only validation that matters is your own. And when you can live this way, that is when everything changes. And so now you see it. And once you see it, you simply cannot unsee it. The world conditions girls and women to believe that their value lies in how much they can give and how much they can endure and how little they need in return.

But when you live a self-centered life, you finally stop playing that game. You stop living for validation and start living for you. If you're ready to make the shift but don't know where to start, I've got something for you. I've created a free video training called This Changes Everything. It will help you step into your fully self-centered power immediately. So just tap the link in the description to get access to it if you want to check it out. And one more thing, if you weren't trying to make everyone else comfortable, if you weren't trying to fit into a version of yourself that keeps you small and agreeable and acceptable and likeable and lovable for everyone else, who would you actually be?

It's time to find out. If you enjoyed this episode, please give it a thumbs up. And if you know someone who needs to hear this message, please share it. Thanks for being here. It means so much to me more than you'll ever know. And I'll see you next time.