The Hilary Silver Podcast - What Single Women Get Wrong About Feminine Energy

Episode Date: July 11, 2025

If you’ve been told to "just be more feminine" to attract a high-quality man—this episode is your permission slip to roll your eyes and delete that advice forever. In this episode, Hilary unpacks the real meaning of feminine energy for strong, high-functioning women who are tired of being told to play small. She’s calling BS on the idea that you need to be more “demure,” wear more pink, or act helpless so a man can feel useful. (Spoiler: You don’t.)   Episode Highlights: Why the “let him take the lead” narrative is secretly sabotaging your love life What feminine energy actually looks like when you’re powerful, grounded, and self-sourced The childhood beliefs that locked you into over-functioning and under-receiving One 30-second shift to move from drive into flow (no crystals required) Episode Breakdown: 00:00 Feminine Energy Myths 01:37 Misconception #1:You need to Let Men Help You 02:15 Misconception #2:You Need to be Demure 03:31 The Deeper Truth About Feminine Energy 05:20 Becoming Magnetic in Love 06:36 Queens Don’t Chase   Ready to stop playing damsel and start sitting on your damn throne?  👇 GET STARTED: 🔗 Free Masterclass for Single Women → http://www.hilarysilver.com/masterclass 🔗 Ready for More Membership Waitlist → https://hilarysilver.com/waitlist/ 🎥 Watch Next: The Over 40 Glow Up → https://youtu.be/9tcA0E1uFAE

Today we're busting the biggest myth in the modern dating world, feminine energy. If you've ever been told to be more feminine if you want to attract a masculine man, or to let him fix your garbage disposal so he can feel needed, or if you've been told you intimidate or emasculate men, stick around. By the end of this episode, you'll know exactly why the mainstream advice backfires, and what real feminine energy looks like for a high functioning, no-nonsense woman. Hi, it's Hillary.

Welcome to the Hillary Silver podcast. Thanks for tuning into the conversation. If you're new here, I'm Hillary Silver, former clinical therapist turned master coach. I've been counseling and coaching high performers for 25 years. I'm also the founder of Ready for Love, a company completely dedicated to helping high achieving single women

get the love and the life they want by focusing on the relationship that matters most, the one they have with themselves. We are in the midst of an eight week series I'm calling The Summer of Love. Whether you're single or coupled, I assure you that there will be something for everyone in these episodes, because getting anything you want

always starts with you. So let's clear the air on the two most common feminine energy misconceptions. The first is that to be in your feminine energy, you need to let men help you. I've had women share with me that they manufactured chores or tasks and things that she could ask him to do to help her,

all because some influencer or helper person said men need to feel needed, right? I'm sure you've heard that. So I've heard women literally inventing ways for him to feel useful and handy and manly. And it's kind of cute, but honestly, it's just not effective and no one wants to play games. And it's kind of cute, but honestly, it's just not effective, and no one wants to play games. And it's definitely not authentic. You end up playing Damsel when you're actually Wonder Woman

in heels. So just forget about all of that. The second misconception is that you need to be demure. The prescription is be girly, wear dresses, let him take the lead and you go along. Translation? Dim your light so he can shine. Downplay your strength or success so he can feel good about himself. Don't be too assertive or too ambitious or too much. This is just a hell no, ladies. There is a right way and a wrong way to embody your feminine energy and being anyone other than you is never the answer. So all of those tactics just attract the wrong men. Guys who want a captive audience rather than a partner repels high-quality men who desire a confident, self-centered woman to be his partner in life rather than a pretend princess he can control. And it just misrepresents who you are.

Never be someone or something that you're not just to make someone else feel something or to get them to do something. Does that make sense? It's manipulation. And let's be real. This charade just doesn't last. How long can you hold that up before your true self just comes through? You simply cannot keep up the facade. Here's the deeper truth most Instagram darlings don't

understand. High-achieving women did not wake up one day choosing to be ultra-independent dynamos, self-sufficient superstars. They became that woman because a little girl inside them learned early on two identity-forming lessons. I have to earn acceptance and love, work, perform, or achieve for attention, prove I'm deserving, significant, or good enough. I have to be perfect or succeed to be worthy. And that there is a very certain way to be in this world, to be someone. And if I'm not that, then I'm no one.

I'm invisible, ignored, and not important. And the second message is I'm all alone in this world. If I need or want something, I have to make it happen myself. No one is coming to take care of me, help me, or support me. And while that contributes to your drive, your ambition, and tenacity, and all the professional success you've had into being a superstar that you are, it also locks you into constant doing,

pushing, proving, striving, and driving. So when influencers or other helpers tell you to just be girly or delegate a task to him so that he feels special and needed, it completely misses the mark. If you don't heal that little girl wound, any pretend surface-level femininity is just costumes and fairy dust. Real feminine energy has nothing to do with helplessness or hot pink manicures.

It's about receptivity without passivity. You can receive a great man's effort while still being an active, equal, and powerful participant. Emotional resourcefulness, grounded, expressed, self-regulated, and vulnerable. Magnetic presence rooted in self-worth, not performance. When you heal, restructure your narrative, and fill that emptiness from the inside, you naturally relax. Your nervous system stops scanning for danger, you stop over-functioning and earning and

proving, and you enter into the Queen on her throne state of being, decisive, powerful, and receiving while others joyfully do all the work. That is authentic feminine energy. Look, full transformation happens inside of my program, but here's one shift that you can start today. So before we end, try this 30 second check-in. Put one hand on your belly and one hand on your heart and close your eyes and ask, am I in drive or flow? No judgment,

just notice. That tiny check-in will help you remember who you want to be and to quickly move into the state that you want to be in so you can begin upgrading your love life right away. Stop faking feminine energy and start living it naturally, effortlessly, undeniably. Remember, queens don't chase, they choose, they attract, and they receive. Just as a reminder, the links to the free masterclass for the single women listening and the waitlist for our coupled women are in the show notes and in the description below. And I also recommend watching or listening to my episode, The Over 40 Glow Up. See you next time.